#also it extra sucks that i had like 3-4 irls who said they were gonna come and they just didnt

[boomerang109]

one thing that sucks about theatre is that it literally is built around people coming to see it so no matter how good a production is, if there wasn’t good advertisement beforehand, it isn’t nearly as satisfying

[movetothesuburbs]

@magneticghouls first of all... My ask box was apparently turned off so it's good to know I'm an idiot. Secondly thank you for asking

Season 1: Charlie Has Cancer. I love this so from the depths of my heart. The concept of it was like that first idea rcg had for the show. Nothing will ever be as relatable to me as Dennis trying to get out of that conversation as soon as possible. "You can talk to me any time" ... "Oh you meant now?" Fucking incredible.

Season 2: The Gang Exploits a Miracle. I'm gonna be honest s2 is my least fave season. The episodes are all pretty good. They just don't grip me as much. They are bastards to the best degree in this episode though. I've never been Catholic but I'm obsessed with the rituals and imagery. "Am I gay for God?" (Real talk I made a dream daddy meme to that) I love Charlie in all white and Mac in all black.

Season 3: The Gang Gets Whacked. Everything about this 2 parter is funny to me. (Except when I get sad abt Dennis) But! Pussy Hands. Peter Nincompoop. Jackie said she counted that Mac and Frank slap Dennis 13 times in a row and I love that. I think cocaine is funny. I think ruining Crucket's life further is funny. I think watching this ep after binging 5 episodes of the Sopranos is extra funny.

Season 4: It was very nearly Mac's Banging the Waitress but I am a sucker for a musical and a basic bitch so you know it's The Nightman Cometh. It was one of the first eps I ever saw. My best friend showed it to me then immediately showed me a live recording. I get Dayman stuck in my head often. I love Charlie. Also "I'm eating because I'm uncomfortable" Cat eyes Mac makes heart eyes Jack.

Season 5: Mac and Dennis Break Up. This was the first episode I ever saw. My bff was like "watch this they're gay" and by God were they. I think about the line "Far be it from me to keep the flower of you from flourishing" every goddamn day.

Season 6: Who Got Dee Pregnant? Admittedly I'm very soft for Dee Gives Birth, but I'm hella gay for Jimmi Simpson and Halloween. Also I love the reactions to if Mac had been the one. I am a sucker for characters telling conflicting accounts of the same event. I think Dennis looked hot as Luigi and think he could have worked that without a Mario just fine, he just wanted a couples costume with Mac. I will not encourage incest shippers, but Dennis thinking he might have gotten Dee pregnant is the funniest gd thing.

Season 7: The High School Reunion. I love far Mac with all my heart and if I saw that man at a high school reunion I do not care what rep he had in high school I would be on that. Also irl I had a crush on the high school drug dealer so what are standards? I love Dee immediately jumping on being the nastiest meanest bitch ever. I love the dance at the end. I think Tim and Dennis made out in high school. I'm gay for Jason Sudeikis so seeing Schmitty show up was beautiful. Cricket..... Was there. My only regret is that I already knew Mac's legal name is Ronald McDonald so I did not get to experience that reveal as a fresh concept.

Season 8: The Gang Dines Out. Did you ever know that you're my hero? I love endings where the gang appreciates Dee. Episodes that take place in one set are always great. The Waiter is great. Frank and Charlie havin' an anniversary 💙 Dennis did not have to give that speech in front of a crowd. He was going to tell Mac all those things just to his face. But he needed that whole restaurant to know who the real hero is. Dennis Reynolds said fuck the troops. I still don't know what a Groupon is. Also that table being so close to the kitchen door probably violates OSHA guidelines but thay's not a part of why I like the episode, just an observation.

Season 9: The Gang Saves the Day. I love seeing characters just imagine fantasy scenarios. Dee's is inspirational but should have been gayer. Mac is... Stupid but I love him with my whole heart and I support him imagining Dennis crying over his corpse. All hail our mighty and buff Lord. Love Dennis saying he'd rather die than have a broken dick. I love that Charlie's is animated. He is so small. There are two genders: janitor or waitress. The most relatable is Frank tho. You eat those hotdogs bitch

Season 10: The Gang Goes on Family Fight. I'm a slut for Argyle sweater vests and Dennis having a mental breakdown. Also Charlie being one of the survey takers was priceless.

Season 11: It should come as no surprise that my favorite of this season (and the series as a whole) is Mac and Dennis Move to the Suburbs. I love every single moment of this episode. I love the breakdown of their sanity. Rage fuels me. People think Dennis is a psychopath but who in this episode is feeding their roommate a dead dog? Not Dennis. What would be different if Dennis was the house husband? You know Wally just wanted to be nice to the gay couple that moved next door but they acted Like That. I'd love to make a longer post just about this episode. Some guy in fb was like "the seasons sucked after sesson 8" and everyone was like "okay but suburbs in season 11 tho" and they guy was like "okay u right" Suburbs is the episode that brings the gays and straights together and will bring us world peace

Season 12: This wss hard cuz I think this is my favorite season overall. And I'm gonna be real controversial here and let you know my fave ep is Dennis' Double Life. I love the concept. I love the convoluted scheme. I would die for Mandy. I know there's a lot with real life stuff happening and how it affected things after but I wanna appreciate it as is. Sometimes you juat have so many big feelings that you run away to North Dakota to be a dad I guess. "I'm the lover obviously" "I have a good plan but you wouldn't listen to it anyway" Did I mention I love Mandy? Maybe it's that I grew up in the Midwest but I understand her on such a deep level. I love this episode so much.

Season 13: The Gang Solves the Bathroom Problem. Every time I go into a bathroom I just think "animal shithouse" nonbinary/genderfluid Charlie rights. Hawaiin shirts. I also love Jimmy Buffett. I love they all sing the wrong song. "As a straight man" in the least convincing way. This episode speaks to me on all levels.

[heytheregreeneyes]

How come you gave up on 'Something Just Like This'? I loved that fic

So here’s the thing...

I haven’t given up on Something Just Like This. I actually still love that fic dearly and very much intend to finish it (and I need to do it soon before Tyler steals all of my ideas like he did with Jenna’s pregnancy reveal *shakes fist at Tyler*).

As you all know, this past year I hadn’t felt much like writing and I couldn’t figure out why... until the other night at work. I was sitting at my desk, staring off into space and thinking about dialogue for the current chapter when it hit me like a freight train why I haven’t been writing. I had had an epiphany!

My eyes literally got wide as I sat straight up, gasped and literally said “Oh my God,” out loud. It was so obvious, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it before. And the first thing I did was text @ohfrickfanfic (who agrees with me), even tho it was somewhere around 3:25 in the morning. So if you wanna hear the story behind the fic, buckle in kids, cause it’s gonna be a long one, and it’s gonna get deep.

So as you all know, I started writing Something Just Like This in July of 2017. I was 4 months pregnant with my 3rd surrobaby, who was due in December on Christmas Eve. I was writing as fast as my fingers could fly and was banging out chapters probably once a week. Sometimes twice.  

December 12, 2017 - SURROBABY IS BORN! After this, chapters obviously slowed down so that I could pump milk and get my life back to somewhat normal again.

Six months later, in June of 2018, I finally reached the end of my six-month contract for pumping breastmilk for Surrobaby #3 and I started working at my current job at the hospital. I am a CNA and it just so happens that this hospital is where all the surrogate babies were born IRL. I have been super lucky and I now work in that very department, which is where I have wanted to work all my life!  Serious life goals, guys. But as you all know, nurses work insane shifts and long hours. I work overnights, 13 hours at a time, and so writing slowed down even more since I was now working my first job outside of the home in about 9 years. For the next few months, chapters are still being posted, but much more slowly.  

Things are moving along great... I’m still writing, albeit a bit more slowly, but chapters are still being posted 

April 2018 comes and my grandpa dies... my emotions took a huge hit. I had grown up very close to my grandpa and I couldn’t write happy things when I was in such a sad place. It was rough. 

Writing slows even more over the summer, but I am still writing, still posting, still planning, still rough drafting, still plotting scenes, and still writing dialogue.

September 2, 2018 - I meet HIM. I don’t want to give out his real name, so we’ll just call him William. I will never ever forget that night. I wasn’t even supposed to be at work that night; it was my night off but they had sent out a text that they needed help, so I picked up an extra shift. Around midnight I got a call that they needed me to pass off my patients so that I could go down to the ER and be a 1:1 for a patient suffering a panic attack. I gather up my things, head down to the ER, get my assignment, go to his room, and...

That was that. He had been sobbing and when he looked up and saw me, he suddenly took one last big breath and stopped crying. He calmed. We got to talking over the course of the night and it was like we had known each other for millennia. We were immediately comfortable with each other, had each other's sense of humor, shared similar life experiences, you name it. This was the night I met my best friend.

He was still hardcore in the middle of a panic attack and didn’t like to be touched, but somehow I was allowed to touch. He openly admits to how much he despises hospitals and no one was allowed in the room, but somehow was calm when I was there. Do you believe in fate? Cause I do.

A week goes by and we now are either talking/texting/video chatting/instant messaging all day and all night, about anything and everything. Our phone calls go on for HOURS and often would end up talking all through the night. Turns out that he has severe anxiety and hasn’t left his house in over two years. Neither of us could believe how quickly we connected and bonded, but the new friendship was a blessing for him and me both. Because of his anxiety and tendency to call/text/message me if a panic attack hit, he earned his own ringtone, text notification sound, and custom volume so that if he called or texted in the middle of the night, or if I was out in a busy area, it would wake me up or ring loud enough so that I could stop and answer. 

September 18, 2018 - Two weeks after meeting William, my world gets turned upside down. I lose my mom. She was only 52 years old and died very unexpectedly from sudden liver death. I was DEVASTATED.  William was there for me throughout the whole thing, something I didn’t expect since we had just met barely two weeks earlier. In fact, one of the last things my mom ever said to me was “make sure you take care of that sweet boy”. I’ll never forget it. 

After my mom died I didn’t feel like writing for a long time. Again, it’s hard to write happy things when you feel so sad and shocked. 

So this past year goes by and things level to a norm. William’s depression and anxiety waxes and wanes. We’d hang out in person at his house sometimes, mostly just making fun of each other and enjoying each other’s company. We still talk and text multiple times every day, and had gotten into a habit of sleeping while on the phone.

Then mid-October this year, something changed. We still do all of our normal stuff but he had started to say that he hated not being able to leave his house, hated the way he felt, hated not being able to do stuff, felt like a failure and a coward, etc. All things he has said before, but this time was just hitting him so much worse.

The night of October 22nd is when things really changed. To me, that’s the day I had breast reduction surgery, but that’s also the day communication between us stopped. He stopped calling, he stopped texting, we no longer messaged or chatted on discord... He was gone. 

Let me tell you that this felt exactly like another death. How could I lose someone I was so close to? Did I say something wrong, did I do something wrong, did I make him feel bad, did I scare him somehow... all these questions were running thru my head, constantly, throughout the days.

One night I texted him that we needed to talk so he called and sort of, got onto me. He said that I did nothing wrong, that I didn’t say or do anything, that he just couldn’t handle things very well at the moment and he would see texts but just didn’t have it in him to reply. He lacked the energy to call and carry on a conversation. didn’t want to do anything but be by himself. He told me that he loves me and that he misses me, but this is just how it gets sometimes. it just be like that.  

I understood. Depression fucking sucks and it just sucks the soul right out of you sometimes. I was there for him but right now, he just needed alone time... something he hadn’t required in over a year... and something I definitely was not used to. 

So there I sit this past Saturday night at work, thinking about my fic and writing dialogue in my head like I had been the last few weeks when it hits me. 

‘Oh my God,’ I thought to myself. ‘I just figured out why I write fic and why I had stopped for a bit... until now.’   

IT FILLS A HOLE OF LONELINESS AND LONGING!

I texted @ohfrickfanfic and she replied, “you were lacking male attention so you made up for it by writing fic but then you met William and he filled the void but now he’s not giving you as much attention so you feel you need to fill that void again.”

I’ll be damned if she’s not 100% right. I had love. I had someone who loved me, someone who genuinely cared about me and for me, asked how I was, loved my family, wanted to know what I was up to, took interest in my life, valued my opinions, asked my advice and took it to heart, called me his, called me pet names, gave me hugs and kissed my forehead. 

When it suddenly stopped, ngl I cried quite a few times. I was heartbroken. I went into my own depression and that is when I got the want to start writing again. I’ve always wanted to write and finish SJLT, but now the urge is there. 

Things are slowly getting better. He calls every now and then... more often all the time. He teases me and texts sometimes and sends me messages on snapchat, just not NEARLY as often as before. It’s been over a month since I’ve seen his face and I hate it, but I can see my best friend slowly coming back to life. It’s tough because I miss him so fucking much, but he’s coming around and trying to battle his anxiety. 

As far as the fic goes, I NEVER gave up on Something Just Like This and it WILL be a finished fic if it kills me. As it stands now, there are only about 3-4 more chapters to go before the fic is finished, and I would like to get it out before the new year... again, before Tyler Joseph steals all of my ideas that I’ve had planned for Josh for over two years. *shakes another fist at Tyler*

I really do appreciate all of you sticking with me and the fic for this long. Allowing me to grieve the loss of my loved ones and asking for updates on the fic... it lets me know that you like it and that my work is wanted.

I won’t let you down. 

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 12 - "i'm baaaaaacckkkkk 😈" ~Jodi

An iconic moment happened today and I accidentally voted my closest ally out of the game. So Brayden got sent home and he is going to hate me when he finds out what happened. I did kind of get him out on accident I did not mean for Brayden to go I wanted Jay gone but I was blindsided by Colin and Josh and Elle AND AMY!!??]£[_[3 Omg. Im really upset that hes gone i miss him so much and I dont know how Im gonna go on without his brain. I dont trust Jay but Jared and Jay were both messaging me about how they already forgive me and stuff so thats a little crazy. I think it could be fake or they are just desperate for numbers. But I am with Josh and Amy and Colin and Elle now. I want to be with their numbers. I talked to all of them individually and they said they all were sorry for lying to me and causing me to get my friend out. I know its just a game but I just feel awful and so guilty right now. This has probably been the worst day of my life. He probably will never play another org with me again and hes the only reason i play orgs its boring without him. We are best friends increal life and I hope he can forgive me. I havent said anything to him because thats breaking the rules. But when he finds out im literally so scared of what he'll say to me. I pray he will forgive me I am literally so dumb af.

i'm baaaaaacckkkkk..................... 😈

This is literally worst case right now with jodi winning the play back like throughout the day she has won back her allies including anastasia since she swapped coins with her. Elle, colin, and josh all gave me all their coins to grab immunity before the other side to protect me but also it makes me a bigger target lol plus I gave elle some swapped to get the second thing the leftover because I THOUGHT it could give us an extra vote since that was ony menu but I was tired and drunk and it was a LOT of words and it was just the hunts which I knew didn't have any and I feel terrible bc 150 tokens and my actual alliance is going to be so mad when they realize THAT I HAVE THE LAST ONES and fucked up in suggesting it at all. First they were going for info. So now I think Jodi got all the other sides tokens and they are pooling for something idek. It's literally worst case like we were set to be up 5-2 or at least 4-3 and now it looks like it's 4-4 again hahaha neat. And it looks like colin is chatting with jodi again and they are making deals lol like tbh if she gets to the end I am voting for her to win I've said it many rounds. Turns out anastasia and brayden not only know each other irl they are besties so she mad mad. And Josh looks to be making deals and thinking about flipping so I am on borrowed time but tbh I never expected to make merge. I am glad I have immunity bc I physically couldn't do the challenge anywU here lol and I fucked that up too hahahaha. Good times all around. Like I want to tell them about my steal a vote to have official numbers but now they'd just be mad hahaha literally colin and I had every advantage except jared's idol now. Ahhhh idk what to do but it remains hilarious. I'm expecting Raffy to give my info in these in the market and that is no bueno ahahahaha. I am tempted to just give colin everything bc it's funny. Also jodi talked to me until 1am just trying to guilt me into being back with her I said I have to sleep goodnight like 5 times minimum. Her social game is so good that's why I think she has them all back with her and possibly josh. The problem is that I was keeping her close bc she had the info from others and from my game. I really never had a number one lol bc I was just vibing and I guess now colin is bc I flipped with him lol and I think it's hilarious he grew his army from 0 to 5 almost.

~

I have a suspicion colin and anastasia have actually been closely aligned this whole time and she knew everything all along. Colin sure loves giving out info haha. And apparently deals are happening all over, none of which I have made 😂

Jodi's backkkkk, wild wild wilddddd. The challenge went poorly, darn thats like 20 minutes wasted. We bought the refresh and there was nothing there 💔 that's 150 tokens wasted 😅. But! We got Amy immunity✨ and then Colin won the challenge so tbh everything's still going great lol. Wonder how we're gonna vote this round :/ we'll see how this goes! I've stopped worrying whether I'm going completely, it either happens or it doesn't 💖 xoxo, gossip girl (this is misleading I HAVE NOT SEEN THE SHOW i just know way too much about it because i have friends that did lol)

So after I voted my showmance Brayden out of the game I was left with an interesting situation. I had cried to Josh Colin and Amy that I was alone now and that my whole alliance hated me. With Jodi back in, I dont think they believe me. I literally flipped sides so I could be in their alliance because I didnt trust Jay and Jared and Jodi. But they literally lied to me about the vote and said it was nothing personal to me but they didnt tell me the plan because they wanted to see if I was lying. Which sucks for me because I then voted Brayden out :( Now that they know that im truthful they said they would work with me now. But all of them have been pretty inactive today. I talked to Amy the most and a little Colin and a little Josh. But I wasnt in their alliance. So I asked Amy if I could be added into an alliance chat since I was apperently in their alliance now. And she said sure. And they added me to a vote block. That is not an alliance group chat btw. So I was like wow thanks. But inside I was like screw this. So before this all happened, Jodi, Jay and Jared put me in a true alliance group chat. This morning I was ready to work with Colin and Josh but not anymore. Not after they put me in a vote block chat clearly saying to me that I am just a number to be used. They don't even need my vote either because Amy has an idol and Amy and Colin are safe. So I'm obviously voting with Jay, Jared, and Jodi. And I know they probably have a final three without me. They could call it something really cool like the three J's. But I called Jay and explained everything to him. (Also Jay forgave me for literally trying to get him out. He umderstands that its a game and all of my motives about not trusting him anymore.) He said he would be a hypocrite if he didnt forgive me because he told people my name in the chaos vote. So I actually think we are cool. And I told Jay that I am his number one. Which is true. He told me a lot of things about how Amy is actually really smart and stuff (I thought that girl was just a goat that I could take to the end with me) But her and colin are tight and both immune. This is bad. Basically we will go to rocks unless Elle flips to our side. Jay is giving his pitch to Elle tommarow. And maybe I will apologize to her correctly tomarow too. ALSO SPELLING THE WORD TOMARROW IS THE HARDEST THING IN MY LIFE. Also I took 62 minutes to complete a puzzle today so thats kind of emberassing. Anyways bye everyone this was so much fun to type omg.

Lol I woke up to a text from jodi asking if anyone was taking about votes yet and I said no because I went to sleep early bc I almost passed out from heat yesterday and had just woke up and she responded "ummmm lol...." 🤣🤣🤣 Sorry I sleep. She's in Colin's dms saying how I was legit her number one and now we can't even talk about votes. Like yeah girl we worked our asses off to get you out of the game sorry I'm not happy you are back. Also I'm still at disney world so I don't have the time for a million conversations. I know I'm going to be the Russell Hanz of the f3 /if/ I make it. So what's jury management lol like she was already pissed I voted her out and I plan to do it again. Anyway it looks like it's hilariously about to be a unanimous jay vote tonight but I am thinking we throw one vote somewhere else in case of an idol. But if jodi did get anastasia back we can't do that. Anyway lol I'm immune so whatever. Elle and Colin discussed like if it's on elle (which apparently jared proposed an alliance of 5 which included myself lol!) Then we could go to rocks and have only josh as a possibility and statistically he won't go if he is willing to go to rocks that it. All this to say I'm f7 and I want to keep my extra vote to f6 if possible so I can use the idol for fun at f5.

https://youtu.be/snpKevncc44

My quest has come to an end. I joined this game to be someone who could be there for Jodi. Jodi and I played survivor subrosa together and we both had rough experiences due to a player in the game who harassed jodi and tried to convince everyone I was misogynistic. As much as I love Survivor, I didn’t play this game to win. I played this game because Jodi told me she was playing it and I wanted to be her body guard. I wanted to be someone who could be there for her both as a number but also as an enforcer, anybody who ever dared to do anything to Jodi would’ve had to have dealt with me. Tonight, Amy and Colin have immunity, and either amy or josh or elle have an idol, so there’s no point in making any noise tonight and wasting Jared’s idol. None of those 4 trust me, and I doubt any of them like me. It is what it is, it’s best for Jodi, Jared, and Anastasia’s game to move forward without me, and it’s smart for Jared to keep his idol. Tonight, I will be voted out, and I am 100% at peace with it. 

Since Elle, Josh, Amy and Colin pooled their tokens for immunity and advantage refresh, it means all the advantages and disadvantages are on our side. Plan is to send Elle a disadvantage and let Colin know because honestly it’s not hard to find out anyways. Jay doesn’t mind getting booted at some point cuz he wants to stand for me on the jury, but I don’t want to boot him right now. Obviously they won’t boot Elle, so I’m going to see if Jared will propose Anastasia. The thing right now is me/Jay/Anastasia/Jared also know next round is invisible. So I want Jay or Anastasia to send Colin and Amy disadvantages because if they’re paranoid seeing me Jared/Jay/Anastasia have advantages and they have disadvantages, they might be paranoid enough to play all their idols. I also wanted to keep Jay for this round as it’d be unanimous and something everyone can settle on. Jared wanted to do me/Jared/Josh/Amy/Colin as an alliance but has concerns about the 3 of them being in top 5 in the majority snd also Colin having his ideal f3. I told him my plan has the best shot at flushing all idols and hopefully we can either get Josh to flip or at least have Amy/Colin vulnerable at 5/6. Last thing is Jared is worried he’d be blindsided this round. I told him my plan and I said even if he wanted to flush his idol this round, next round should be ok if we all vote out Jay and the rest of them flush idols. Good to be back in the game! I genuinely believe Colin wants me as a shield at least for this round, and if I can make it through, I have a game to play. 

Not everyone saying they only bought an advantage lol what about those other 70 tokens 👀👀👀 Like it must be jay unless someone is lying haha i am hoping people are just busy bc these answers I'm getting from Josh and Colin are concerning 😂 It looks like only elle and got disadvantages ☠️ I am really hoping not to be a target next round even though I know I will be haha. Next round is only 7 and I'd love to take out jodi and jared before they turn on me ☠️ especially since colin creeped on jodi's insta and it is possible they know each other from sports irl. And she was so concerned about all these pregame connections 😂 and here it was likely to deflect. Anyway I just swapped my position of having jodi do all the social work with having colin do all the social work knowing full well I'm not gonna get those end votes. I'm just trying to pull up my placement average now 😂. I hope everyone sees me as having no social game to take me to the end lol bc realistically I don't bc I don't care to put in that time this game. As I write from the pirates of the caribbean line 😂 So anyway if I'm not being lied to which I might be it looks like unanimous jay tonight but also I think the other group was talking split on jay like a 3-3-2 and I'm like wait the 2 wouldn't help. Elle are you okay with that? So I think they must have figured out I have stuff ☠️ I wonder what people REALLY bought haha okay bye

Jodi is back, not just Jodi Jodi, but player Jodi. Player Jodi thinks a LOT. When I was out, the entire time I was hoping somebody caught on that Amy flipped because they knew to put a stray vote on Colin to protect him from chaos idol, but they left Josh exposed. Why? Because Colin knew Amy was going to throw a vote on Josh. Also, Colin tied with me for closest ally and that set off an alarm too. Onto the next. So Colin won immunity, Amy bought immunity, but this could possibly be good because it means they are playing knowing they are not at risk themselves. Anastasia is voting with them this round, but she's actually working with us. She told us that the actual plan on that side is: "Jay, Jared, Jodi vote elle and Elle, Amy, Colin vote Jay and Josh and Anastasia vote Jodi" Anastasia will vote me here to continue "working" with them for the next vote. Essentially, they thought that Jay had the merge idol this whole time and Colin was weary about it, and that's why he got nervous about sending out Jay last round. That told me Colin did not have the merge idol. Josh came to me too about Jay having the merge idol. But the way they're splitting the votes this round shows me now that somebody has stepped forward to mention they have it (likely Elle) because if Jay idoled, Elle goes in this split vote plan. Therefore, somebody must've been like "ok let's just be safe and split the votes, I have the other idol". That's good and bad because now Colin has no merge idol paranoia, and they're also able to use it together. It also did confirm to me they've talked about it. Here's where things get tricky. Player Jodi is so tempted to run with it and do a 4-3-1 Josh-Jay-Jodi but it's so risky and could possibly destroy the long term social game, especially if they idol for Josh and Jay goes anyway (we are not idoling for him here). So instead, I'm going to use Jay's vote out to the best of my advantage. Hopefully flush an idol if possible, maybe a steal-a-vote, something. Knowing about next round being invisible is good info for us. Having this info is so key and usually I would think that immunity for a round is bigger than this but being able to plan ahead for a GAME-CHANGING twist is crucial here. My move here is to play the game through psychological distress. I have no advantages! Since they're out of tokens from buying immunity, me/Anastasia/Jared/Jay bought advantages for ourselves and also sent out disadvantages to Colin/Amy/Elle. Seeing that not only we have advantages but also them having disadvantages, they probably still feel like things will be ok because they'll just split votes or whatever and one of them needs to win immunity. But given this is an invisible round, I think Amy is honestly paranoid enough to just play her idol, hopefully Elle does too, and then between me and Jared, we'll idol for one of us. I also plan on bluffing an advantage coming back from Jury, and say something along the lines of having to survive one round before the advantage got activated. I'm going for the win, everyone, I know that if I get to the end with anybody, I have a solid shot at winning. I just need to get there and to do that, I must play an adaptable game – more than ever. PS I am holding onto Jared's idol right now. Power (temporary) feels amazing. Dw I'm giving it back....😈

this has been the most chill round in a while. which is really weird consider JODI IS BACK AND WE BLINDSIDED BRAYDEN LAST ROUND this round is turning out to be what I WANTED last round to be. everyone is talking with everyone, people are trying to disband the sides and all intermingle. it's really interesting how no one else was on board with this until after they lost majority. seems like people don't like playing from the bottom. weird huh now these bitches know how I felt >:( anyway. jodi is back. it's weird. she knows that amy flipped now and everyone is playing very carefully my ideal boot this round was either jay or josh, in that order. so when my gay ass WON IMMUNITY I immediately put out jay's name. we already have the numbers, but I also like said my piece to jodi and jared, this is yalls chance to prove to me that you're really with me and sides don't exist. the ball is in their court do i trust them? no. am I worried? no. i have immunity, the scariest thing rn is that I think Jay is voting Elle, and if Jared and Jodi are with him then that's scary, bc Jared has an idol. The ONLY people I would play my idol for is Amy and Elle, and Elle being in trouble means I might have to play my idol on her if Jay idols himself. We have enough to split, so I'm not worried, I just hope all goes according to plan. sorry my confessional is lame. its the weekend now so i have time uwu. I'll write more the next few days

So this whole token twist thing has really annoyed me. Because of me wanting to show my loyalty to my alliance, i gave away all my coins to Amy so that she could but immunity. And against my wishes, Elle wasted her coins on the “advantage” which turned out to be a dud. I wanted to get coins together to buy game info or better yet, trade coins with other people. But i was left with nothing, while all the people on the other side used their coins to buy advantages in the next immunity challenge making it even harder for me to secure my safety. Maybe this new 2 Gays and a Jared alliance might actually pan out but im tired of getting the short end of the stick with everything.

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Anastasia: She is in the middle of the two sides. They both need her for the rest of this game before a side is terminated. She is the most powerful because she is in the middle.

Jodi: Has regained a lot of her footing in this game. Is being used as a shield by the people who voted her out. The decision to vote out Jay is questionable, but she still has a lot of power thanks to the knowledge Anastasia and Jared feed her.

Colin: The head of the opposing side. Seems to not know what is really going on with Anastasia. But his allies are willing to take him to the end which is good. Needs to avoid falling into a Jodi pitfall.

Amy: Her rat behavior has been exposed, but her allies are still willing to defend her. Second in command on the Colin side. She is being handed these immunities.

Jared: Jodi’s new #1. Will probably make it to the end of this game. However, he isn’t calling the shots and is in danger of being targeted as an “easy” vote or being called a goat at the end. Needs to start taking fate in his own hands.

Elle: Lost a lot of footing because of not telling Anastasia the truth. This move caused Anastasia to go back to Jodi’s side which will hurt in the coming round. Is the next target for the Jodi side.

Jay: Died on the sword for Jodi. I am confused why they didn’t just stack 4 votes somewhere else, but it is whatever. Has basically given up.

Josh: Left out of a lot of discussions. Is on the outside of his alliances and from the opposing side. Is the most in danger of getting targeted or being a casualty of an idol.

[thedappleddragon]

haha here we go again

there's a lot of dumb ranting and 3 days worth of logs and a dream in here so im gonna spare evryone’s dashboard and just put it all under the cut.

tw bad memories, talk of unhealthy relations with food, and dreams about dead animals

I realized I kind of entirely forgot to write about what I did yesterday? I kind of did a lot. I know my mom wanted to work on getting tile laid out in front of her bathroom, so we worked together to scrub the concrete and wipe up all the dirt and dust and whatever was under the carpet and remove some of the nails in the floor and bring up a spiky metal strip between the bathroom door and where the carpet was. The other main thing I remember is deciding to continue work on my dress, sewing up the outer bodice, checking that the bodice and lining would fit together, deciding I’d rather have no different colored front panel, and working on the circle skirt. At first I tried cutting the fabric on my bed, but it wasn’t big enough and too lumpy. I contemplated asking my friends if I could borrow their dining table, but I ended up clearing off my own. After I traced and was in the middle of pinning, I accidentally knocked over a glass bowl that I had set on the chair. My mom heard it from the other room and had me come to her room to tell her what it was. She got angry at me, which I thought was fuckin stupid if it was an accident, but after some reflection while cleaning up the glass pieces, I kind of understood why. Mostly I got a little upset about 2 ceramic pieces I made during school breaking a little from the drop. One was a mushroom house from middle school that always makes me remember feeling like an asshole during peer review when I told my person to smooth their project more because I didn’t know “no improvement needed” was an option until I got back to my desk and saw my person saying it was good in all categories because everyone thought my project was great for some reason. The other was a bunch of flowers on a circle. It was the last project we did before quarantine hit, I think. That one is in less tough shape, just a couple flowers knocked off and a chip on one of them. They can both be glued back together, I guess. Then my mom called me back into her room to listen to her talk about wanting to eat huge amounts of food, because she’s clinically depressed with BPD and PTSD and DID and several other acronyms and her favorite coping mechanism is food, but her doctor put her on a diet so she can get her knees replaced, but recently she’s been getting into a zone where she talks about wanting to eat entire cakes and pizzas and buckets of kfc and a gallon of queso or whatever the fuck and she goes “doesn’t that sound GOOD?” And I have to laugh along and say “haha no that sounds bad actually” and get her a piece of ham or something. And every time she goes on her spiel the only thing I can think of is the greedy from the raggedy Ann and Andy musical. It’s just this horrible undulating orange blob that eats everything in sight and seeing it for the first time just made me think of mom and it made me very uncomfortable, with all the orange goo and hurling noises. Also reminds me of this horrible video game boss fight where it’s the apocalypse and a fat lady on a scooter took over the buffet and eats so much during her boss fight, during the defeat cutscene she projectile vomits everywhere and dies. My brother Greg showed me that thinking it was funny. I hated it, and I still do. He showed me a lot of things he thought were funny as a shitty little kid, and I remember several of them being very upsetting. It’s ok. I don’t want to dwell on it. But after cleaning the glass and talking to mom I brought my fabric to my room and called it a night. Oh wait my dad also helped me with some paperwork my coworker handed me so I could get on the payroll.

Today I woke up differently than I have in a long time. I set an alarm for 10 am so I could be at work by 11, but I woke up at 9 from a heavy sleep with dreams about hanging out with my friend in my room, worrying about my dirty house. I wanted to sleep longer, so I got up at 10 to have breakfast and get ready. I spent my shift changing the price tags all around the store, making everything more expensive. I’m gonna work again on Tuesday where I’ll learn how to use the register. I hope I don’t fuk it up, but I have a couple days to relax until then. Maybe I’ll work on my dress. My friends all want to go to prom together, so my new deadline will be March 2nd or a little before. I still need to buy a ticket, but I don’t have access to the link to buy one :( bleh I’m too tired right now to worry about this shit. I only worked 4 hours again today, but after I got home I felt like I could have worked longer if they gave me something else to do. The only price tags left to change were a bunch of grills and stuff I don’t know about but I don’t know if they had any other work for my to do. But I’m glad I went home tho because I was hungry and my feet hurt from standing lol. I did laundry and made myself dinner and washed my hair and drew a little bit and made the table and tbh the pacing of today has been so weird I don’t remember everything. It’s only 1am but I think I’m just gonna go to bed. my friends started talking about going to prom, and I really want to join them, but I can't figure out where/how to buy a ticket. my brain started being really mean to me, syaing that I was being annoying and pushy and that they didnt want me at prom for some reason, so I low-key almost made myself cry until my friend offered to let me be their platonic date since their partner couldn't go. 

last night I had a dream about a hard video game where when you played it, the black shadow enemies would fight you in real life, and one of them left imprints on my arm in the shape of lego bricks. they could only attack you so long as you played the game, and they tried to capture people and you were supposed to save them. I decided it was my time to play, and I walked into my garage that had turned into a cave with bat-people fused into the wall. I paid them no mind as I rescued a girl who was my irl brother, grabbing her hand and pulling her into another versoin of my garage which was uncorrupted and normal looking. she thanked me, and I said it was no problem. then I tricked her, telling her not to trust so easily, as I became one of the shadow enemies and engulfed her in a black sack, trapping her and leaving the room. I came back a couple minutes later, letting him free (now my brain told me he was my brother) telling him I just wanted to know if I was capable of tricking him, and didnt actually want to kill him or whatever.  another big chunk of my dream was taken up by me, my sister, and my dad visiting a run down petting zoo/gamestop. the petting zoo barn was very dark with low ceilings with lots of rabbits and pigs and hay. one of us accidentally killed either a pig or a tiger right next to the exit door, and I had to slink around the gamester trying to distract the owner and keep him from going in the barn and escaping at the same time. I dont remember how it ended, other than me waking up with a sore throat from breathing so deeply through my nose. I had slept on my stomach wit my pillow in my face so I could hardly breathe, and even after I woke up I felt like I wasnt getting enough air. I HATE that feeling, I always felt like I was suffocating in middle school for some reason. I thinkk somethings wrong with my airway but im not gonna do anything about it. im gonna continue to spend 80% of my day laying down so my resting heart rate and breathing speed is slower than an goddamn sloth. whatever.

right now as im laying in bed typing this I feel utterly unpoductive but I KNOW I did SOME shit today. but yeah mostly I relaxed. I worked on my dress, removing and replacing the blue front panel. I lost my exacto knife somewhere so I went to dollar tree to get a knockoff, along with snacks for mom and my sister. the blades aren't as sharp as exacto, but I still know where the name brands blades are so maybe Ill try and see if they're compatible. when I open the package everything was oily and gross, so I washed everything off with soap and water before I used them to cut the threads of the panel seams. I could have used my seam ripper but I wanted to get a replacement craft knife anyway. its kinda neat that it came with 6 different shaped blades for different crafts :) but uhh I also cut out the other half of the circle skirt of the dress, and I have a bunch of extra fabric left over. probably enough to make a whole other bodess if I wanted too. I used my sewing machine to attach the new front panel, and I was hoping to get more sewing done tonight, but when I asked my sister if it was ok for me to use my sewing machine (it right next to the wall between our rooms so she can hear it from there) she said she was going to bed soon so I just attatched the front panel and called it a night. so that kinda sucked. I still have another day tomorrow before I have to work again, and I can still work on my dress on Tuesday after work. idk why my brain thinks that one 4 hour shift is gonna take up my entire day lmao. I just have to get the whole thing done by may 2nd. GOD that reminds me, im gonna be so busy next month. I have six events back to back happening like every other day, plus work. oof. I'll have to let my boss know, but idk If that's gonna make him mad. I've already got pretty comfortable with the lady in charge of the garden center who’s taken lead position while the manager is on vacation, but I dont think I;ll every understand my boss. he’s a sarcastic busy old man and NOT AT ALL approachable. whatever. really the only other tings I did today were drink a shit ton of water play harvest moon, spend too much time on tiktok, and sraw a couple dum things for my friends’ princess au. I fucking HATE the drawing I did for Anna, so I designed her a secondary outfit more inspired by sky pirate bohemian vibes, since she rules over the floating islands. idk if I'll replace her old outfit with the new one in the lineup or just re-draw her old one with better shapes and composition and match the style better or what. I just need it changed eventually becasuse it looks like ass. tbh now that ve taken a little bit of time away from the princess au, there are a couple designs im not 100% satisfied with. but I know that if I go back and make them more detailed or whatever the’ll be more of a hassle to draw and aslkdfhalksdf I dont know anymore. I'm still tied up about color pallets and trying to give everyone a distinct color, and im a little upset it doesn't quite work, and FUCK dude the edgy one’s lore and character are weird and I kind of want to revise it to make it a little nicer but its not my character and I need to stop shoving my dirty little mitts into everyone’s ocs and AHAGHRGHGARGHHG idk man. her power is necromancy and she has a skeleton army, which I think I kinda cool, but I also think it would be neat if her powers extended beyond just that to communing with the dead, helping them find rest, and THEN maybe it can branch into helping fallen soldiers fight again to help them with unfinished buisness. and then if she goes feral and starts abusing her powers, she ignores all the communication and concent with the dead and instead magically rips them from thr ground to do her bidding and they’re uncontrollable and violent and aimless, just like her mind slipping from the magical blight infecting her. idk man we’re till working on a lot of lore. her concept could be SO COOL with just that little bit of extra thought, but so far it’s just MY POWER IS DEATH IM SO EDGY. ugh I know its fuckin rude to bash your friends oc ideas and I might be too overbearing and controlling of this au but dammit im tired and im mean sometimes and my ego is through the goddamn roof and im so sexy and im always right and my meat is huge. ah shit I rpomised my friend I would help her with character design for the dead king but I was busy when she firat asked me and now im not busy but im not doing it ugh. im just frustrated right now because I spent wayyyy to fuckin long just laying in bed watching tikotks and youtube and playing harvest moon an doing jack shit all day. but hey at least I attempted to get a new social security card again today. and them promptly gave up when they said my adress was invalid. again. I feel like im in an uncomfortable medium between having no plans and worrying about the future and having too many plans all the time oh my god. ive been so focused on getting a job and then having a job and making this dress I completely forgot about college shit. thankfully there's no hard deadlines coming up that I haven't already finished. whatever I dont really want to worry about all this hit right now, im just gonna take it one day at a time. (haha it feels like my angel oc just stepped in. how nice of him :) )

[system-architect]

50 Q for Vax... please, I need it

OH BOY vax... i’ve been rping him a lot lately but he still remains a bit of an enigma!! lets see..

Personal

1)      Age? 23! he acts older than his age i think

2)      Gender? like all my other ocs bc i’m very self indulgent, he is a trans guy!

3)      Romantic/Sexual Orientation? vax can think boys are cute, but he’s never been a very romantically active person. he doesn’t lack a capacity for affection, he’s just always... busy with other stuff? it’s not something he thinks about often. if he’s buzzy around someone it’s probably bc he adores their cybernetics/etc work

4)      Height? probably smth like 3′9″

5)      Race? asura (+ cyborg??)

6)      What do they look like? (i.e, hair color, eye color, etc). i’m gonna link The Vax Draw, i’m undecided about whether his hair is naturally full black or if the white stripes are weird pigment loss... PS he has a ton of moles all over, not just on his face :D

7)      Any disabilities? hokay this is a Vax Secret but he has some sort of muscular and/or skeletal disorder i need to research into/get specifics on but the general idea is that he can get very weak and achey and have trouble moving sometimes! he deals with this via another Vax Secret i might talk about sometime

8)      Is there a meaning to their name? in asuran ?? idk i dont think their names have meanings, but irl its a shortened asurafied version of ‘vaccine’ bc i thought it sounded cool

9)      What makes them, them? Odd Question but he’s very shaped by his childhood experiences studying his father’s work and looking up to his dad and he’s very defined by his innate drive to bulldoze towards goals he has and wants to research... he’s a very stubborn and determined person who’s very much an agent For Himself

10)   What do they want to be when they grow up/what do they want to do with their lives? he is Growed Up but he really wants to keep chasing revolutions in prosthetics/augments/cybernetics.. he wants to help people in ways they couldn’t otherwise be helped (atypical inquest huh)

Family

11)   Do they have parents? What are they like and how do they act with their child(ren)? yes one parent, a single dad! ppl who’ve been watchin my hell rp server stuff will know his name is akka and he’s one of the top prosthetics smiths in the industry and was very private about his work but had a very cutting edge philosophy towards artificial parts and lead some really revolutionary work... dr. akka is a very kind and patient man with a good soul who is a tad weary from the world but he loved his son very much! he and vax had a great bond and vax was always eager to learn about his dad’s life work and his dad was always eager to teach him.. akka is an overall pretty amazing man, it’s a shame he joined the inquest for some reason and now we don’t know his current whereabouts......

12)   Do they have siblings? How do they interact with them? If not, do they wish they had siblings? he technically has a sibling! maybe more? but he’s never met them... vax is perfectly pleased with being an only child, we’ll have to see how he reacts if he ever meets this one. it’s actually a character y’all are already familiar with.......

13)   Extended family? Do they see them often? nope and nope

14)   Do they like where they live? (Is it a safe place?) vax essentially lives out of his workshop within the sigma-5 prime division laboratory space which is Not a safe place no....... but he loves it... he technically has an apartment somewhere in soren draa that is as much of a junk pile as his workshop whoops (vax is very much a ‘i know where everything is in this chaos. don’t move it’ person...)

15)   Where do they live? Are they wealthy? Poor? Middle-Class? i semi-answered this above but he has enough funding via the inquest to do his research projects as well as have a place for himself! i wouldn’t call him upper class probably just kinda middle ish, he keeps himself afloat alright

16)   Do they have a lot of expectations/pressure on them from family to do great? despite vax’s attachment to akka’s work and vice versa, akka is a very chill guy who never expected vax to live up to it or anything like that.. he just thought it was great vax had the interest in it

17)   Do they have pets? alas, no.... if he did i could see him owning smth more atypical like a ferret and fuck i kinda like that idea now i’ll have to meditate on it

18)   Who do they look up to the most/are the closest to in their family? take one guess

19)   This there anything special about their family? his dad being a renowned prosthetics doctors is pretty special yeah

20)   Do they wish they lived in a different family/household? absolutely not

Friends

21)   Best Friend(s)? alas vax is... very very much a lone wolf! this section is gonna be hard to answer and i’m probably gonna have to cross out some stuff because vax purposefully doesn’t really get close to anyone and he’s exceedingly unperturbed about this.. i meant it when i said he’s very self-driven! he’s not ultra egotistic and he doesn’t hate other people, nor is he unempathetic (i’d say he has a good degree of empathy actually), he’s just kind of... uninterested? he won’t hate you or be nasty to you for no reason, he’s just not interested in befriending/being around you as an aspect of his life

22)   Who was their first friend? probably some of the other progeny tried to befriend him in precollege he he was Smart which is Cool but they quickly learned that vax’s idea of friendship is he will give you a quick synopsis of what he’s currently on and then go silent as he continues to work on it

23)   What is their friend group like? there are a lot of inquest underlings who try to suck up to him because he’s their boss and also a shining star virtuoso with his work................. vax remains oblivious and unpeturbed

24)   Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them? yes. specifically plex. who is his best tech ops drone but plex is a... sort of pushy person wrt trying to Befriend vax and he has a very obvious crush on vax and vax is mostly oblivious to it but sometimes feels weird about plex’s sudden ‘random’ bursts of being super buddy-buddy with him. in plex’s defense a bit, plex doesn’t know how to interact with people either

25)   Do they consider any of their friends to be like siblings?

26)   Have they ever hurt a friend or lost one? he’s probably unintentionally driven off people by coming across as super cold... i think he feels bad if he accidentally upsets people with his demeanor but he’s not quite sure what to do about it bc he doesn’t really want to upset people but he also doesn’t want to force himself to be MegaFriendly anyway esp considering his trials with social interaction are kind of a hardwired brain thing (he’s got like... vague assorted ADHD-autistic spectrum traits)

27)   Do they have a crush on any of their friends?

28)   Do they share classes with good friends?

29)   Whom do they go to the most when they need a shoulder to cry on? vax internalizes all his problems and works through them privately khgjdf he’s a weird mixture of stable and mature but sometimes unhealthy

30)   What would this person do without their friends in their lives? [img of vax doing vague shrugging motions here] as aloof as he is he probably at the very least appreciates that other people have interest in his work! so would be a bit sad if he didn’t have that

School

31)   What grade are they in? If they aren’t in school, how come? he has graduated college! he was top of the class his year at dynamics

32)   Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one? i’m sure he’s had a Variety of teachers but most of his teachers probably liked him a good bit since he’s smart and yknow, Asura Be Like That... i’m sure he’s conversely had a few who butted heads with him over his philosophy on cybernetics because he has a much more open ended approach that’s a bit focused on the idea that prosthetics are body parts and people with prosthetics are Whole People not People With Additional Bits Slapped On/In and he’s very ginger with prosthetics/augments he handles and treats them like they’re the same as fleshy body parts and deserve the same delicate care despite being metal, and overall he has more of a focus on the actual people he’s working with i think, and i can see some more hardass/uptight teachers in particular not liking this because it’s kinda unasuran to more traditionalist types to have such a.. humane view on work rather than being enthused solely with your numbers and research results

33)   Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot? vax is very headstrong and if you have useful advice then its useful advice but if you dont then fuck off and let him do his work how he’s determined to do it... he doesn’t goof off but he has no respect for authority if authority gives bad commentary

34)   Are/Where they a good student grade wise? top marks except for in classes where he was abrasive with the teachers who’s work ethics clashed with his but what can you do

35)   Do/Did they need extra help? nope... he probably ended up tutoring a few people actually (which probably was due to a nudge from a teacher and not.. vax’s sole volition of wanting to tutor people)

36)   What is/was their school like?

37)   Do/Did they have bullies in school? i’m sure he Didn’t Get Along With some others bc he’s Weird

38)   Have they ever gotten into a fight at school? yes he’s absolutely metaphorically gone for someone’s throat because they had the audacity to challenge him on something that they were both wrong about and not as passionate about as him

39)   Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school? i’m sure he has but i can’t rlly think of anything (boring answer srry)

40)   How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back?

Other

41)   Are they dating anyone? Do they want to date? Are the married? Divorced? i already kinda answered this but he’s not partic romantically involved... however i think if he found someone he was In Sync With and who understood his mannerisms then he’d be very content with them... i think he would need a stable easygoing relationship based on shared interests and just casually fitting together and supporting each other rather than anything passionately heated or overly focused on traditional displays of affection

42)   What is their favorite hobby? Do they keep it a secret? he’s a big nerd who collects various prosthetics/augment models and he absolutely doesn’t keep it a secret...................... 75% of the RP i’m in with him rn has been him geeking out over augs. the other 25% was me describing the facility.

43)   If they could have one thing in life, what would it be? i think he’s more overall focused on the idea of a continuous stream of improvement over a few static goals? he’s constantly laying out new traintracks in front of himself to steam ahead on... he’d like to be happy and successful at what he does, ultimately, and really attain super advanced inventions

44)   Do they work? If so, what is it? If not, are they looking for one or even want one? despite everything i’ve said here about him being a good empathetic guy, he is Inquest........ the inquest funds his research he does at their labs and they pay him for being the sigma-five supervisor

45)   Do they use social media? i can’t see him using social media much tbh... he might be into podcasts and asuran youtube a bit

46)   Have they ever been in the hospital? due to his strength issues and some stuff that happened as a very small child he has been quite a bit yes

47)   Do they believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see? this is a weird question in the context of gw2 which has canon ghosts whoops.. im gonna interpret it as ‘are they superstitious’... vax isnt superstitious and i think he’d be very brave facing questionably supernatural forces but in a sort of logical way uh... he would Not be the first to die in a horror movie.... he’s a skeptic of non-scientific magic things with i think some lingering internal paranoia.. he’s a very logical person

48)   What do they do when they get angry, stressed, or upset? broods in private probably....... depending on what he’s heated about he might go sit by himself for awhile or he’s gonna take his anger out while working on a project

49)   Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey? i think he tries to be a good person but he’s skeptical of that Status a lot and worries over it a good bit... again, typical inquest!

50)   Does this OC have any part of you in them? (I.e, personality traits, similar background, etc) all of my ocs have parts of me in them to some degree, i think vax carries some things related to my disabilities, interpersonal and moralistic struggles, and the nerdy passion over my special interests

[strawberryspeachy]

K. I know alt stands for ASSITANT language teacher

But 2 things. 1) assitants fucking DO THINGS

2) the way they sell this job is like youre a teacher.

Constantly in this job i am treated like a clown.

And im gonna tag this and im probably gonna receive the same comments i get irl from rose tinted glassed ‘japanese people can do no wrong’ people

Thus far ive worked in 4 junior highs and 3 elementarys

Most of the teachers no matter where they are just seem so incompetent

Its no big deal that the teachers arent fluent in english - isnt that literally why alts are here??? So why don’t they ever take advice?!???

Im so fucking sick of being told how to speak my fucking language.

And not the ‘speak slower’ ‘speak simpler’ thats fine and ill accept criticism on my ability to communicate to people learning english as a second language. Not that.

Grammar, pronunciation, sentence structure - and what sounds natural

I hate the videos that are made for classrooms. And the fucking books

“A native speaker wrote it” - k no. Having worked here i know exactly how that went down. A japanese person wrote it, then went to either a business kiss ass ‘japan can do no wrong’ person. Or. Bullied someone into saying it was good by doing that annoying ass thing japanese people do

Where they ask the question over and over with “ok?” At the end. Cause they dont want an answer - they just wanna be told that theyre right or to do whatever they want. And they do not plan on receiving any answer besides “youre correct”

Its awkward cause ive literally been annoyed at my friend in the past for complaining about having a job where she does nothing and gets paid. Now i feel bad because i HATE going to work to sit and do nothing. But honestly - it has more to do with the fact that of all of my schools - only 1 has given me a nice place to sit.

Not a table that they store junk on and pretend to be surprised by me everytime im there like “oops sorry theres all this stuff (but like youre not a real person and we hate that youre here so just be happy we tolerate your existance and tell is your happy to have giant things all over your desk literally sticking in your face)”

Not the extra desk behind the printer that blows dust in my face as it goes off every 20 seconds

Not the desk under the aircon blowing on me/ in the corner next to the coldest window/door

Not a literal broken chair

Not a desk in the path of the class files where teachers have to constantly get to the spot directly behind me

And i was also that person thatd say ‘well if you dont like it - quit - theres plenty of people who WANT that job’

But like it fucking sucks. Cause i have experienced REALLY good teachers who actually team teach with you. I have had one school where i worked full time and got to see my students more than once a month - hence being able to actually get to know them and want them get better. I have been at a school with wonderful staff who welcome me into the school like im an actual person - not like ‘oh is today already the day we let the rat in the school to make the children smile again. Ugh.’

It fucking sucks. I linger on the hope of being able to work at a good school with good teachers full time

I cant find a better job because im a ‘beginner’ and corona

And im stuck getting treated like shit

I AM NOT a kiss ass. Never have been. It kills me to have to work with people who dont want me around

Most of the teachers i work with ARE NEVER PREPARED like wtf why??? Why dont you EVER plan ahead??? When im not prepared its because i have to wait to get instruction from you - you get to chose what you do

And they do basically nothing (not all like ive said ive worked with good teachers)

But most just

Read the book OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. The students memorize the book passages - they have no clue about the context and if you ask them the same exact question but with a different subject like “do you have any shoes” instead of “do you have any bags” theyre lost. The teacher can get them to answer by saying the exact phrase from the book - but they dont know what theyre saying or how theyre actually answering. They just have it memorized

Then some teachers will have “conversation practice” where they take those exact sentences out if the book - put them together to form an awkward ‘conversation’ and then the students just read it.

Ooohhh look at them. Having a conversation!

Play fucking bingo.... why? They dont even make the students repeat the words for pronunciation practice - why the fuck do you play bingo everyday

Sing songs. UGHHHHH yea that could be fun if these 60 year old teachers would stop forcing shit from the 1940s on the teenage students. I cant decide if music too old for 30 year olds is worse or teachers who take japanese songs that have been translated into english is - lol you fucking hate english so much you cant find ONE english song to sing??? WHY are you teaching english?! - god forbid you let the students choose

Teachers who just give the students the day date and weather....??????????? Cool. Youve managed to ensure they cant come up with the simplest of fucking English questions on their own. Do you carry around those cards to look like you do a lot at your job when you dont? Oh yea probably

Because being in a school watching teachers is the way i learned that japan values looking busy over being productive. If you look stressed and busy all day - you are better than a person who got shit done but looked relaxed.

Why do you use the recordings when i am in the class?????????????????????????????????? THATS LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON YOU APPARENTLY HAVE ME THERE

K and like i said. I have worked with good teachers. In their classes the students are better at english (hur hur funny how that works) those teachers encourage the students to talk with me. Those teachers let the students try to come up with answers and questions on their own. Those students try and ask the teacher when they dont know how to say something to help with translation.

The shit teachers on the other hand - will jump in and stop a student who looks excited to try and trying to figure out how to say something. What does this teach them? Dont try. Just stay silent - the japanese teacher will just talk in japanese again soon - no need to try.

Jumping off that. Students who are good at english or go to juku - will dumb themselves down in classes with shitty teachers. Theyve learned its not good to know more or even nearly as much english as the teacher - pretend you dont understand. Pretends you don’t know how to say things - itll make my stupid teacher feel good. So. If i try to talk or do anything in those classes, even the students who understand will stop trying.

Speaking of just going back to japanese. WHY IS MOST OF ENGLISH CLASS IN JAPNESE???? Most of the teahers will jump at ANY chance to switch back over into japanese. English is just sprinkled into the class. Then they pretend to wonder why the students dont try and why theyre bad at english

And things ive been told in the last year

Dont ever be upset about anything ever

Lol yea just that for one

K but dont ever be upset about teachers doing ANYTHING because theyre just so GOSH DARN BUSYYYYYYYYY

Lol like intially i thought that was why ASSISTANT was in my title. I THOUGHT we were supposed to make them less busy by helping out with planning and grading and blah blah

Nope cause

‘Oh offer to help them! BUT dont be upset when they decline because theyd have to explain to you ANYTHING and.....’

So. Im a child?! I cant be trusted to do anything without proper instruction

Well yea exactly cause

“Oh! Hes probably your babysister haha! Japanese people are so nice! They usually have one teacher look out for you and help you with stuff - besides the head teacher- lol theyre kinda like your babysitter!<3”

K. So like. I need a bachelors degree for this job. Let me say again I NEEDED A COLLEGE DEGREE FOR THIS JOB. i had to move ACCROSS THE WORLD by myself. I have to ge able to fill out federal documents and find a house and pay my bills and follow foregn laws and figure out my way in a foregn country - but i need a BABYSITTER at work?!?!?!?? If im a minute late ill be docked an hours pay. If i do ANYTHING that slightly upsets ANYONE and japanese ppl are offended by EVERYTHING - i am liable for all reprucussions. But. I need a BABYSITTER.

Cant be trusted to be in a class alone (dont be offended its because your not a certified teacher) that would make sense except that YALL THROW ALTS IN WITH THE SPECIAL NEEDS STUDENTS ALL THE TIME - thats supposed to be an EXTRA certification on top of teaching. but Im too fucking stupid and untrustable to do anything with regular students alone, but because you dont like dealing with spefial needs - i can teach them alone.

You dont actually read their hw or check for correctness and most of their tests are just for fun it seems - but i cant be trusted to grade those either

You do the exact same lesson everyday and i only see each class once a month - but dont let me create any activity or lesson for them. Also dont tell me your plans until class is starting and then change it throughout the class and act surprised when idk what the fuck youre doing because you changed your mind while talking at them in japanese

Speaking of changing. I hate teachers who constantly change how they do shit. And again. Get annoyed at me when i cant follow their flow. Do i say hello first or do you? Are we even saying hello today? Am i asking how they are or are you? Are we letting them answer? Are we answering? Whose asking the day date and weather? Are we asking them for the day date and weather?? Whose saying goodbye? Are we saying goodbye? Which bingo version have you chosen today? Are they repeating the words? Yes? No? Am i saying each one twice? Do i have to spell out the fucking word today? Fast? Slow? What hell are you putting me through today

And when they ask me to take charge of an activity. But then change their mind. But then no no you go ahead please take charge. K no just kidding ill tell you and them what to do. Actually no you can keep going please be in control. K no too much english i wanna hear more japanese ill be in control - hey everyone thank the alt for doing that activity with you (me and the students look at each other visibly confused)

These teachers will ask me a question and no matter how i answer its wrong. I always answer shortly initially because... of course. But theyll tell me to GO ON!!! theyll keep doing that. So ill start answering questions with substance - then theyll cut me off - so i go back to answering shortly but NO! CONTINUE!!! im constantly caught confused exactly what they want me to say and now i barely ever tell stories to the students. I stare at the jte the whole time trying to guage by their face if i should keep talking or make it short. Its also awkward cause sometimes they jump in to translate and other times they want me to just keep talking in english with no translation. Regardless whatever way i choose is never correct and they always look at me like im an idiot

Yesterday a teacher did one of the things inhate that prompted this I WANNA WRITE ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE THIS JOB

Hes a sub. Hes supposed to do the same lessson as the other teachers. He is NEVER prepared. And he does everything bad. So when he didnt have the stuff for the activity he said he wants the students to have conversations with me. GREAT! thats what im here for! Lets do it. So then he shows them videos he has of other students talking with an alt at another school for 5 minutes. Um.... k. Then we open the book to a page of 3 example convo starters. Except. Japanese teachers dont seem to understand that the book is meant to be EXAMPLES. he says ah like this but maybe change. Good ok! I think were on the right track. Lets read these examples and get to it. Nope. He has them have the example sentences with their partner saying its good practice.

No. Its not. Theyre just reading the book and then when they finish saying

“Do you know any good restaurants around here?”

“Yes i do! Theres a curry place over there”

“oh i love curry!”

Theyre not gonna make up more at the ......

Theyre just gonna talk in japanese about other shit.

Then he says ok lets have conversations. Finally

Nope.

He has the class repeat after him together as a unit to me “do you know any good restaurants around here?”

GFFEIWBAKDHWNDGDIEBS RAGEEEE

I said ive had convos in class before may i try like before

He feigns confusion

I ask a student “what kind of food do you like?”

She says sushi

“What kind of sushi”

The students in this class were excitable and chimed in each time.

This time (as usual because they dont know the fish names in english) She begins talking with the kids around her trying to figure out what the english word is for the sushi she likes

But the teacher jumps in and shuts it all down

Because the students are just way too shy to talk in front of the class. Their english is too bad. They cant.

Its extra aggrivating because the teachers at this school range from good to decent - except him. That was a second year class. The last time i was at this school the first years had a introduction 1 on 1 test - with me. And i was to ask them a question at the end. With the other 3 teachers when i asked the question if they didnt understand. I would try saying it in another way. If they still didnt understand - i would answer my question as an example. If they still didnt understand i would give them answers like

“What tv do you like” “do you like anime?” Wait for yes or no “do you like youtube” wait for yes or no (and so on)

If they still didnt understand (very few got here) the japnese teacher would translate the question)

And. If they still didnt understand. We would give them an answer and coax them into repeating after us.

If they didnt. Then they didnt get the point for answering the question.

This teacher. Him being the 4th teacher to do this test with me. Would IMMEDIATELY translate the question if the student didnt answer quickly after me asking it once and then talk to them in japanese and tell me their answer or make one up to me with something like “oh ahah they dont know when yet. So he doesnt know. Maybe he ate breakfast before school!” And then would shoo the student away and call in the next.

^^^ and this is how most teachers are

They sit during class. They play unrelated videos. They spend half the class acting like theyre too confused about their plan to even teach the class (but if i try to do ANYTHING like talk to a student while they sit in front of the class rummaging through their folder going “うーん」 「じゃ」「じゃあー」「��して」「それから」「えーとー」 theyll instruct SOMETHING or play some recording over and over) have i mentioned how they never seem to want to talk in english or listen to students talk in english in english class?? Most of the time theyre just having aside conversations about nonsense in japanese. They read everything themselves despite me being there - in a way where they really just wannt hear themselves talk in english.

Just in general. I hate when teachers talk about me in front of me and dont tell me what the fuck theyre saying. And it’s annoying when students ask them stuff in japanese about me and then the students look at me waiting for me to respond/the teacher to translate their question- but the jte doesnt translate. Or they ask a question that im not in charge of the answer for so even though i understood the question they asked the jte i cant answer them because its not my decision and the jte doesnt wanna look like the asshole that gives them an answer they dont like so they just dont respond so that i look like the dick whose ignoring the students

They do this with regular questions too. Sometimes i hear the whole question and understand. So when the students look to me and the jte goes silent - i answer - then the jte gets all out of sorts because 1) they wanted me to look like an asshole who doesnt wanna talk to the students 2) they deemed the questions not important and didnt want it answered 3)ew! The alt knows more japanese than i thought and she knows what im doing and thats a little embarrassing also what else have i said in front of her today that she might have understand - awkward 4) oh no if students know she understands some japanese they might ask her stuff and i wont be the only means of the alt and students communicating 5) that awk silence just showed the students that i didnt plan to translate something to her and i wanted to blame her and say she doesnt wanna answer that but now i was made a liar of

These arent personal queations btw. For example a student asked why does the guy in one peice eat a lollypop in the america version instead of smoke a cigarette?

This is an incomplete liste. Just. Honestly being an ALT is draining.

I feel like im at a restaurant again just waisting my life away waiting tables.

I actually really like english so being forced to listen to people who are supposed to teach it - purposely teach it wrong and force me to use it incorrectly hurts

I hate watching people suck at their jobs....and be rewarded for sucking at their job

I hate feeling like an outsider in my workplace.

I wanna feel like a real teacher.... not a clown

I hate doing something where nothing i say, do, or feel matters.

That last one. I hate that i can be treated like shit in my workplace AND get in trouble for not thanking people FOR treating me like shit. Not just take it. Take it with a smile!!!

I try to focus on the good things... but its just so damn hard cause ther far and few between and honestly i just wanna feel like im actually an educator to my students and like i can actually be a teacher with the ones who like me and come talk to me and stuff. But its not like i have have a teacher student relationship with them - i cant be part of their school activities. I cant go to their school events. I wont be at the school with them for more than a year.

Even at good schools when the teachers like that you talk with the students - i always feel this vibe of ‘keep it superficial’ dont become an adult they would trust. Its like you can feel them watching - ready to jump in when they think the student should stop petting the stray before they get fleas

I have a lot of teachers i remember fondly. Who id talk to when i saw them even when i didnt have their class anymore. Id tell kids in grades below me that they were lucky if they got them. When i hear about things happening at the school after i leave im happy to hear they got something good. Teachers who helped me understand something better or were just nice to the obvious loser in the class or made me laugh

I wanna be one of them....

Not the police man that came into school a couple times. Or the guy with the birds. Or the nice lunch lady who let you take food when you didnt have money and pay it back the next day.

I wanna be a teacher with a name.

Or at least. Do one of the only things im actually good at

So this job is unfulfilling

[ungarmax]

All the vidya game asks tho. All Of Them

1. Favorite game from the last 5years?

Idon’t even know what came out within the last five years.  I thinkI’m gonna have to go with Stardew Valley?  It’s my game on Steam withthe second most hours logged, but the one that has the most hourslogged came out 6 years ago.  I haven’t played it in a while, but Ido really like it.

2.Most nostalgic game?

Hmm. That’s probably a tie between Link’s Awakening and Final Fantasy IV. Link’s Awakening was the first non computer video game I ever owned,and FF4 was my first RPG.  That said, there’s a special place in myheart for the old SNES version of Wing Commander, the game Icommandeered at my cousins’ house every weekend.

3.Game that deserves a sequel?

Thething is, the best games in the world are the ones that don’t needsequels because they’re very well self-contained, or they’re alreadya part of a series.  I’m tempted to say Chrono Trigger, becauseChrono Cross doesn’t count as a sequelso much as a spiritual successor.  But I also want my children torest.

4.Game that deserves a remaster?

Inever trust these…sometimes they are done well, like the remastersof FF4 and Chrono Trigger for DS, those were both excellent.  But Ilook into the future and think about how the FF7 remaster is going totake out all the dumb 90s cool guy lingo, and then I don’t like it somuch.

UnlessI’m wrong about what a remaster is?  Because I just remembered thatwhen they rereleased FFX with better graphics, that was called aremaster.

Eitherway, I just suddenly decided I need a new version of Quidditch WorldCup because that was the fucking best game ever made.

5.Favorite game series?

Ihaven’t kept up to date with a lot of game series, thanks to lack offunds for the past few years, and most of the series I enjoy, Igenerally really like a couple of the games from it and eitherdislike or haven’t played the rest.  Contenders are Final Fantasy,Metal Gear Solid, AceAttorney, and Legend ofZelda.  But I’m way behind on all fourof them, and Final Fantasy has been…disappointinglately, to say the least.

Oh! Dragon Age has been pretty dang good thus far!

6.Favorite genre?

Ireally love RPGs, but lately I’ve been playing nothing but this citybuilder/RTS game and a couple of rogue-likes.  I also love MMORPGs,but I haven’t had the money to pay for a WoW subscription in manyyears, and, uh, I only own up to Cataclysm, lol.  Oh, and good ol’point and clicks hold a special place in my heart too.

7.Least favorite genre?

Firstperson shooters and platformers.  I also usually dislike rogue-likes because I liketo min-max and the point of rogue-likes is that you literally cannotdo that.

8.Favorite song from a game?

ThePrice of Freedom, from Crisis Core.

9.Favorite character from a game?

FarisSherwiz from FF5.

10.Favorite ship from a game?

WOWwhat a question.  I think I’m gonna have to go with Zack Fair/CloudStrife, since it’s something I’ve shipped consistently for 15 years.

11.Favorite voice actor from a game?

Ilike a whole lot of them, but I’m particularly fond of ChristopherRandolph’s voice.  It’s to my extreme sadness that he’s not done muchother than Voice Of Otacon, but that’s okay.  Apparently, he’s beendoing more since MGS, so that’s cool, but I’ve still barely heard ofanything he’s been in.

12.Favorite cutscene?

Thefirst thing that came to mind was The Sending in FFX.  Anothercontenders is Zack and Cloud escaping the lab in OG FF7 (as long asyou turn off the game right after the truck scene).  Those are thetwo I always keep save files right before that.  Though I will saythat the scene in MGS before you fight the Boss in the flower field,or really, the entire ending cinematic of that game, is fuckingamazing too.

13.Favorite boss?

GOD,WHAT A QUESTION.  Does this mean, favorite boss battle?  Or favoritecharacter who is also a boss fight?

Myfavorite kind of boss is a difficult one that you need some sort ofstrategy to beat, so that you feel vindicated for winning.  However,that said, this can border on annoying too, because, if it’s amandatory battle that you can get stuck on, that’s frustrating.  So Iguess optional bosses are the best?  I’m thinking like Ruby andEmerald in FF7, and Sephiroth in Kingdom Hearts.  I also tend toreally like Zelda bosses because you can’t just hit ‘em, you gottafigure out how to use your brand new toy to do it.  (Exceptthe water bosses for some reason?  They all suck.)

Myfavorite character that you fight as a boss battle…probably Golbezor Kain Highwind from FF4.  Which do I like better?  I don’t know. There’s also the Boss from MGS3, of course.  AndMiles Edgeworth?  He’s a boss, right? There are probably more that I can’t think of right now.

14.First console?

Thefirst console I ever played was an NES, but the first one I everowned was a SNES.

15.Current console or consoles?

NES,SNES, N64, GameCube, Wii, PSX, PS2, and PS3.  I also have a GameBoyColor, a DS, and a 3DS by technicality.

16.Console you want?

I’dlove a PS4, but it’s not like I can afford any games for it anyway.

17.Place from a game that you’d like to visit?

Thisis a really intriguing question, since games like Final Fantasy havesuch interesting and beautiful locations.  There are so manybeautiful places just within the few FF games I’ve actually playedthat this is a really hard choice.  The problem is that all theseplaces generally have monsters in them.

MaybeCleyra or the Farplane or the City of the Ancients?

18.Place from a game that you’d like to live in?

Doyou think Cosmo Canyon has WiFi?

19.Ridiculous crossover that would never happen but would be super fun?

FF4/TAZcrossover where apparently Lucretia is FuSoYa because they’re both incharge of fake moons.

20.Book that would make a good game?

I’mso tired right now I can’t think of a single book I’ve ever read inmy entire life.  Like, the book I am reading right now is based on avideo game, so, I mean,

21.Show/Movie that would make a good game?

MacGyver! (Thank you, @perniciouslizard.)  Like, it should be a point and click game,probably based on the old show because it had less boring fightscenes, and you can do QTEs for those even though I hate QTEs.  Aslong as the game isn’t entire QTEs (I’m looking at you, Heavy Rain),it should be okay.

22.Games you want to play?

Thereare a Lot.  Off the top of my head, I’d really love to finish DragonAge: Inquisition, and just to play, Persona 5, Breathof the Wild, allthe Ace Attorney games I haven’t played yet (there are at least 2,maybe more?), all the Pokemon games I haven’t played yet (whichis…most), Oxygen Not Included, all the Mass Effect games andFallout games, Night in theWoods, aaaand probably lots of others.  I’m tired.

23.Have you gotten 100% completion in a game?

Yep. I have 100%ed FF4, I think, and also Link’s Awakening.  Maybeothers, but those are the two I was proudest of.  Actually, I don’tknow if FF4 counts?  I got all the items (except possibly theincredibly rare thing with a ridiculous drop rate, but I don’tremember?  I got all the extra summons for Rydia, though, which was aThing), but I didn’t level everyone up to 99.  I’m working on a 100%FF7 run right now, but that’s gonna be a pain because I don’t knowhow to play the Fort Condor minigame.  I usually just let them get tothe top and beat them up, but you can’t get all the items if you dothat.

24.Have you cried over a game?

Thismorning I cried because my cat scratched me while I was clipping hisclaws.  I cry playing basically every video game, whether or not it’ssad.  My top three crying games, though, in no particular orderbecause they’re all Really Fucking Sad, are FFX, Crisis Core, andMGS3.

25.What power-up or ability would you want IRL?

*thumbto bandana* Infinite ammo.

[granger--danger]

The 100 ask game

Thanks for tagging me @frecklessbellamy, this was so fun!!

1. What would you get arrested for on the Ark?

Definitely stealing medicine, I’m not much of a trouble maker so I can’t see myself doing anything else that would be illegal

2. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground?

I really want to say no but tbh I’m very easily intimidated so if someone like s1 Murphy or Bellamy told me I had to take it off if I wanted to live I probably would just let them and then go cower in a corner somewhere

3. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like?

Cat!

4. If you could resurrect any minor character, who would it be?

Wells, 100%. I started a rewatch recently and it’s making me so sad for all of the potential he had  

5. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they?

Bellamy, Clarke, Raven, Murphy, Miller

6. Minty or Briller?

I used to be very into Minty bc that was what everyone always talked about but honestly anyone Miller wants to be with I’m down

7. What would your name be in Trigedasleng?

I have no idea - Breona? I’m intrigued by the language but haven’t spent enough time looking into it to really know

8. Thoughts on Finn?

Finn did a lot of awful things (and I’m never going to get over what he did to Clarke and Raven) but so has everyone on this show so idk, I’m not his biggest fan but I don’t hate him I guess

9. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does?

I don’t like drugs that mess with your brain like that so I definitely would have avoided it

10. What character do you relate to most and what character do you like the least, not including the obvious ones like Pike, etc.

This is one of the questions I had to think a lot about and I think maybe Monty? I’m pretty loyal to the people I care about, I’m level headed, and I tend to shy away from the spotlight but am willing to take a stand/fill a leadership role as needed. As far as least favorite character, I’m so over Jaha

11. Describe your delinquent outfit?

I want black jeans, combat boots, some kind of henley/jersey shirt (probably in blue) and one of the awesome looking statement jackets that everyone seemed to have in s1

12. Favourite type of mutant animal?

The two-headed deer is classic but the glowing butterflies are pretty fun too. So many people have said Pauna but I just do not get that storyline it has never made sense in my mind I’m sorry

13. What would your job be on the Ark?

Something in medical. Do they have a pharmacist on the Ark or did Abby just deal with all of that too?

14. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked?

I would try my best, and I think if I knew I had to do it to save someone else I’d be able to, but blood in medical settings makes me super sick (hence why I’m going into pharmacy instead of becoming a doctor)

15. If L wasn’t Heda, then who would make the best Commander?

Ummm Anya? Lincoln? Maybe Indra from the later seasons? Idk I would need to finish my rewatch to get a better idea of what their leadership styles would be like before I could answer this

16. If you were a grounder, then where would you live and who would be your mentor?

I’ve never thought about this so I don’t really have a good answer, but I guess Trikru so Lincoln (ugh another death I’m sad about) could be my mentor? I don’t know enough about the different clans right now to really say anything else

17. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty?

The one time I’ve been super drunk I was very giggly and willing to answer questions I usually wouldn’t, so I’d probably go around telling everyone my biggest fears and secrets while laughing at a squirrel or something stupid

18. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? A more John Murphy approach or Bellamy Blake?

Probably Bellamy but we all see how that went (rip Wells ugh) so honestly not sure what the right call would have been here

19. Who should be the chancellor, if anyone?

I’m cool with Kane doing it

20. Mount Weather had a lot of commodities. What would you snatch while there?

Shampoo, conditioner, soap <-- keeping Elly’s answer for this bc I do not understand how everyone survives constantly covered in grime (I guess priorities lie elsewhere, but still)

21. Do you think you would have caught the virus spread through camp or would you have been immune like Octavia?

Yeah, I get sick pretty easily unfortunately

22. What would your grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? Warpaint?

Man I don’t have a good vision for tattoos or warpaint but I want it and I want it to be badass bc I’m too much of a wimp to get a tattoo irl. For hairstyle I’d probably just stick with a ponytail that maybe had like a braid or two in it, I can’t have my hair down for more than a few hours without getting annoyed by it so idk how any of the women in this show fight wars like that

23. Favourite quote?

“We all have battle scars. Suck it up and build a brace for yours.”

24. Can you forgive Murphy for his actions? How about Bellamy?

Kind of like what I said earlier, everyone in this show has done something they’re not proud of that seemed like it was the best/only choice (ha) at the moment. While the acts they committed seem awful when isolated, I think we have to forgive them in the end (also these people have really fucked up lives, seriously, they’re gonna do some bad stuff every once in a while)

25. If the characters were in The Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning?

Octavia. I would say Clarke or Bellamy but when it came down to the final two people I don’t think either of them would be willing to kill the other participant

26. Least favourite ship? Favourite ship? (Not including BC or CL)

Least favorite would be Finn with Clarke or Raven bc they deserved better, favorite at the moment is probably Memori

27. A song that should be included in the next season, like when Radioactive was? If there had to be another guest star like Shawn Mendes on the show, who would you want to make a cameo?

I saw someone else who did this say they needed to bring back Home II by Dotan and I absolutely agree. Not too picky about cameos, it would be fun to see anyone in a random episode but if anyone does guest star it would be interesting to see them in a more... not important role, but a role that actually seemed relevant to the story line? Idk I haven’t rewatched that ep yet but from what I remember wasn’t Shawn just there to play the piano for like 30 seconds? This answer got away from me, I’m moving on

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time?

Drinking games? Some other kind of game? Idk I get bored really easily so I’d need something to keep me busy, otherwise I’d just sleep all day

29. Opinion on Emori? Roan?

Love them both, very excited to see Emori’s storyline in s5 (and very upset about Roan’s death but it’s fine I’m fine)

30. Would you want to be an extra that is killed off in a brutal way?

Um yes please, if it was brutal I’m guessing it would get me significant enough screen time to meet everyone so sign me up

31. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of?

I am so hyped to find Madi’s story

32. A character you’d bang?

They’re all seriously so attractive but I gotta stick with my boy Bellamy

Not sure who has/hasn’t done this because I’ve been seeing a lot of it on my dash the past few days, so consider yourself tagged if you see this and haven’t done it yet!

[grandschemed]

All salty questions please

1. how salty are you feeling right now?

i had my cup of coffee and it’s 9:15 and i don’t have any work to do at work at the moment so u know?? i actually feel pretty good i’m chill it’s all good but please continue reading under the cut for more salty unpopular opinions by yours truly :*

2. what are your unpopular opinion(s) of the fandom you’re rping in?

3. what rp trends are you so over and can’t wait for it to die?

4. have you ever made a call out post or wanted to?

i don’t think i have??  i’ve never really had an issue with somebody to the point that i felt as if i needed to make a callout post which thank god??? i’m grateful i’ve ( for the most part ) had really positive experiences so far 

as for callout culture itself ?? i have mixed feelings about it bc the majority of callout posts i’ve read seem kind of Harsh bc ur essentially damning this person from the roleplay community forever esp. bc i personally don’t think roleplaying is That Deep u know??  like theft is annoying and whatnot but idk if it’s something i’d call somebody out for personally - MAYBE I WOULDN’T MIND CALLOUT POSTS if anons didn’t go overboard telling said individual to die / kill themselves ??? 

HOWEVER i think there are instances in which callout posts are necessary esp. when calling out tumblr users for being a racist / pedophile / etc. THAT’S SUBJECTIVE AS HELL i know but pedophilia is GROSS AS FUCK and SO IS RACISM and god forbid i accidentally follow / write with any of those people because ew ew ew EW it’s good to know who to avoid in the community at the same time so ... Yeah i’ve got mixed feelings about callout posts

5. a ship everyone in the fandom you’re in loves, but you can’t stand?

since i’m a multimuse part of 1002 fandoms i’ll focus on haikyuu!! except i’m pretty sure i’m going to get my ass roasted alive but i really can’t stand i/waoi LMAO but that’s mostly out of bias and the fact that a lot of i/waoi shippers have ruined it for me by viciously hating on u/shijima as a character calling him a r/apist and saying that u/shioi is abusive when u/shijima has done literally nothing ever to abuse o/ikawa like what ?? if anything i/waoi is the abusive ship considering i/waizumi’s the one who physically hurts o/ikawa all the time LOL

shitty shippers aside idk i/waoi’s personally just not really my jam?  to be honest all the super popular hq!! ships aren’t rly my jam - i don’t even really have good explanation for why i dislike i/waoi as much as i do from an unbiased point of view but i prefer them as friends ?? in all honesty ??  JUST MY 2 CENTS THO 

6. have you ever sent something to one of those burn book blogs?

lol no i might be extra but i aint That Extra laughs in all seriousness i rly haven’t had any major problems w/ other roleplay blogs to the point that i was tempted to send something to a burn book blog

7. has someone made you unfollow/block them without a second thought because of a petty reason?

i’m trying to remember if there were any instances in which i did so for a petty reason but most of the time ??? i usually unfollow if somebody writes something Inherently Problematic / over-the-top purple prose / they don’t follow me back ... there was one time when i unfollowed somebody bc i asked them for their autoplay bc i rly liked the song and i just wanted to listen to it??? LMAO but they thought i was going to steal from them just bc we wrote the same muse and i was like Bro. I JUST LIKED UR AUTOPLAY what the hell i just wanted to listen to it 200 times in a row on youtube chill so i unfollowed them bc lmao how dare you assume i’d steal from somebody in the first place Get Over Yourself Susan

8. are you good at dealing with personal problems?

i’d say so?? again i usually don’t rly have roleplaying issues but problems aside from those i usually like to vent on twitter and i feel Much Better after that??  im a pretty chill person irl and shit doesn’t rly get to me so i can come off as kind of blunt / insensitive but i feel like i get over most stuff pretty quickly - there’s no reason to get Angry and make somebody suffer when somebody tries to fuck you over imo??  True Vengeance is aspiring to be happier / richer / more successful / fulfilled than that person will ever be - that’s my Fuck You to those people y’know?? 😂😂😂 life is so much better when i focus on me and figuring out what i can do to fulfill my emotional needs - i feel very lucky with what i have and all my friends and family who cherish + support me of course though !!

9. what’s your opinion on duplicates?

i may come off as a confident self-assured person but even i get shaken time to time y’know??  but for the most part i don’t rly mind duplicates??  in fact i like to try to befriend them to get over any anxiety i might have over duplicates and i think it’s a silly thing to be uncomfortable by duplicates personally bc again roleplaying rly ain’t that deep you guys - in fact you guys both like the same character so you guys chose to write the same character??  duplicates + i already have a connection in that sense!!  also duplicate muse threads are SUPER COOL to write in my opinion bc it lets your muse face themselves and they can rly see themselves for who they really are which i think is Always Cool because i love writing threads in which i get to explore emotional depth with my muses ?? PLUS DUPLICATES ARE COOL bc it’s kind of interesting to see how other people interpret the same character you write bc everybody has different opinions 

i know the anxiety might be there but i think the best advice my mom has ever given me is not to compare yourself to other people even if you think they’re better than you or something and i know that’s hard advice to follow for everybody but roleplaying is a hobby and it’s done for fun - there’s so many other things you can stress about in life so why let roleplaying be one of those things??  focus on yourself and focus on your muse and developing that muse with other people and people will want to come to you to write with them.  preferences will always be a thing - it’s only natural but focus on having fun with your muse as opposed to worrying about other people!!

10. any fandom(s) you don’t want to rp in or crossover to?

11. are you for or not for purple prosing?

12. has someone in the rp community ever made you upset/cry?

i don’t think..... so??  upset maybe but not to the point of crying??  i mean again i’ve never really had a truly terrible experience but i did have an ex-writing partner who used to constantly guilt trip me until i finally broke it off with them because it was starting to affect my real life relationships and whatnot and i didn’t want to bear that burden anymore as much as i wanted to be their friend but i couldn’t singlehandedly bear all of their problems for them anymore because it wasn’t healthy for me nor was it good for them so i cut them out of my life for both of our sakes - i’ve had great times with this person but ultimately, i’m glad i did what i did and i’m proud of myself for being able to focus on my own emotional needs

13. ever told someone not to follow/rp with a particular person because something that happened to you in the past?

i ... can’t remember laughs I DON’T THINK SO???  people have told me not to write w/ certain people before when i go into new communities blind but for the most part i don’t think i’ve really had an overly terrible experience to the point that i felt i had to tell other people not to roleplay with / follow them ... i’ve been very blessed with a good experience so far!!

14. ever knew someone that everyone loves but you can’t stand?

i would say ‘can’t stand’ is kind of harsh but i dislike them because of a petty reason???  it’s fine tho bc they stay in their lane and i stay in mine - it’s all good imo.  i for the most part have enough decency not to hate on other people’s ships but this person kept telling me about how much they dislike my ships to my face on a consistent basis which again PETTY and i know they weren’t in a good place at the time but shrugging emoji idk i just thought it was kind of rude ??

15. have you ever done something out of spite?

i do everything out of spite im jk but seriously if you tell me i can’t do smth i will only do said thing with 100% more effort out of sheer spite like THERE WAS SOMEBODY who told me i couldn’t ship a certain ship so i proceeded to flood my dash with 300% more ship content you’re welcome headass spite is a Great Motivator

me: i’m a chill person and im going to be the happiest person ever :)also me: u test me bitch and im coming for ur entire life

16. what would you say to the one who hurt you in the past?

i hope you are incandescently happier than you were before.  i hope you are in a better place and i hope you are still writing with people who appreciate you and can give you the attention you deserve.  i hope you are a better person today and i wish you nothing but the best in a life without me, but i do not miss you nor do i ever want you back in my life.  i cherish the good times we had together, but we are better off without each other regardless of what you might still think and i hope you don’t.  i hope you recognize what you did and i hope you are a wonderful person today.

17. what are your opinions when someone makes negative posts constantly on their rp blog?

if you make more negative posts than roleplay content i’m gonna unfollow you??  i understand you’re having a hard time with your life but honestly i followed you to write with you - it’s not that your well-being doesn’t matter to me but i write to have fun + destress and ultimately, roleplaying is about myself??  im not doing this for other people - im doing this for me.  i don’t mind occasional negative posts ( ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY’RE TAGGED !! ) but if you’re consistently complaining about how much you think you suck compared to everyone else or how you think nobody wants you around, then i’m going to unfollow you because i came to write with you because i thought you were COOL!!  i know people just want to vent ( LORD KNOWS I VENT A LOT even if it’s about little stuff ) but consider making a twitter / a personal tumblr in which you can do so instead of your roleplay blog which is for roleplaying ???  idk that’s just my opinion but i try to keep my roleplaying blog strictly related to the content - i don’t even want to flood my blog with too many ooc asks bc u guys didn’t follow me to read my constant ooc posts ( even if i feel like i write a lot LMAO ) - u guys followed to write w me !!!!

18. do you hold grudges for long?

i say no but at the same time i’ve been really bitter towards an ex-best friend for three years now.  NONE OF THESE GRUDGES ARE ROLEPLAY-RELATED but again my way of vengeance is to be way happier and more successful than her and never ever see her again because that’s the decision she made??  we used to be Super Close but then she got a boyfriend and her entire life revolved around her boyfriend and we never spent any more time together after that like ??? it’s clear who she chose over me so if she doesn’t want to make the effort to spend time with me then i see no effort to give her any thought.  also the fact that she, as a white individual, complained to my other best friend behind my back that i’m apparently too “sensitive” about popular media.  like really?  wow, must be nice to have all the representation you could possibly ever ask for, karen.  get the fuck out of here with that attitude /:  

also SUPER PERSONAL but i’m salty about my kind-of-ex because he basically acted like he was really invested in me when he was still hung up on somebody else and i let myself be emotionally vulnerable around him until he confessed to me that he just wanted to be friends because he was still into his ex and then proceeded to neglect our friendship because he’d spend all of his time with his ex ( who he predictably got back together with + who turned out to be a really shitty selfish manipulative person who he broke up with anyway ) which was Fine i was already used to that anyway with SEE: ABOVE FRIEND but then after he broke up with her he’s tried to come back into my life on various occasion because he’s never had as Great of a Friend as me and frankly i can’t forgive him or myself for making myself invest any sense of emotion into him it makes me so angry to think i was actually upset because i actually cared a lot about him and he made me feel like i wasn’t good enough and how fucking dare he make me feel like that ever?  i’m the Fucking Best and he deserves absolutely nothing from me he deserves perfect indifference and i hope he never ever feels fulfilled in his life i wish him a great and terrible lack of satisfaction for the rest of his miserable life xoxo i’m going to be SO MUCH HAPPIER THAN THAT ASSHOLE i’m years and years better off without him i hope he pines for my friendship for the rest of his life

19. wild card: ask the mun any type of salty asks.

20. if you’re feeling salty right now, this ask gives you a free reign to pour out your frustration.

i feel like question 18 let me do that so i’m good but also ??? fuck the gangsta. novel ??? for its HORRIBLE characterization of worick + nic’s relationship ???  the gangsta. novel treats their relationship as if nic is some dog/servant to worick which in itself is gross in concept because haha yay a poc character forcibly being subservient to a white character THAT’S COOL :)))))))) but also ??????? uh AUTHOR ARE WE READING THE SAME MANGA ?????

worick has never treated nic as a dog / servant even when they were children - worick even taught him how to read / write ??? worick and nic were e/o’s first and only friends for a long while ??? they’ve lived together for so many years - they canonly share shirts, they’re business partners, worick was genuinely hurt to see nic in so much pain.  not only does worick NOT see nic as a dog / servant HE LOVES NIC ???  HE LOVES HIM SO MUCH THEIR RELATIONSHIP MEANS SO MUCH TO ME they’ve been through so much together and worick since he was 14 has literally supported the both of them via Really Horrible Means that i won’t get into - i’ll leave it up to your imagination but he split the profit he made from what he did with nic ???  there’s no way worick would’ve done that shit if he viewed nic as somebody beneath him esp. when survival was so difficult for two 14-year-old boys with no funds or resources they’ve survived together through thick and thin and there’s a special relationship they have and i love worick and nic okay I LOVE THEM SO MUCH EVEN IF THEY MAKE SHITTY DECISIONS AND WHATNOT nobody will ever convince me otherwise 

also if you’ve made it to the end i commend you and thank you for reading my salty opinions / personal problems / issues :* i hope you all have a wonderful day :**

[saintkimora]

well here is how the past 4 days have been w joel

we started talking on scruff like 5 days ago. it was actually really nice conversation. like i usually suck at talking to people on those apps but w him it came naturally so that was a good first sign

so our first cuddle date was on friday night. i drove to his apartment and i actually drove on the parkway! it was scary but i had to do it bc using the regular streets would have taken like an extra 12 minutes. i was not expecting much bc he said on scruff that he isnt looking for a relationship bc hes been going from relationship to relationship for a while and he felt suppressed so he wanted some time to just hoe around (ok caleb) so i went into it just expecting a decent one night thing. i got there around midnight

 so i finally got there and he was soooooooooo cute in person omg!!! he already looked cute in his profile pic but he was even cuter irl. so i got there and his 3 roommates were all in like the living room area so i had to meet them. it was hard and i was getting more nervous as the convo went on. but the first thing one of them asked me was if i knew who that poppy was and i was like yeah i do lol and they all went wild asfajkdfbheakdfkha they were so surprised that i knew who she was! and then one of them showed me her pet toad lmao 

so then we went into his room. we cuddled and talked and stuff and it was soooooo nice omg. he was sooooooooooooo cute and sweet and affectionate and funny and his voice is kinda dorky. and his hair is SOOOOOOOOO SO nice omg i was touching it like all night. and his ass is so nice omg i finally got a man with some ass!!! his ass is so fat and hairy and jiggly omg! and he had a really cute soft belly too and he has nice titties. and his eyelashes are so cute and he had nice eyebrows and a nice beard and soft lips. AND he likes me hairy and he told me i didnt even need to trim my pubes! now this is a MAN 

so we talked on his bed for most of the night. we talked about drag race (he has bad opinions on it though he hates all the messy iconic queens! like he doesnt like nina or trinity smh) and overwatch and ff and kh and also some more personal stuff. and he has anxiety too! which is good bc now i dont have to worry as much about my anxiety being a burden like i had to do with c*leb. he also told me about some of his past relationships which i will get to later bc i was not happy about this

 at one point we sat on his couch bc he wanted to show me all the playbills for the shows hes been to/been a part of. i do not care for theatre stuff but i still enjoyed it bc he seemed really excited to show off all his playbills lol. he also gave me his mcat book since he doesnt need it since hes already taken it and gotten an acceptable score lol

so we cuddled some more (hes a REALLY good cuddler btw omg) and we did some touching and kissing and oral obv and then we fell asleep. and this was like one of my fave parts omg i looooooooved falling asleep with him and waking up with him. it was such a cute first date! he did leave like 3 hickeys on me though :/

so then i had to leave and go back home to go to my cousins baptism party. it was boring but it wasnt as bad as it couldve been bc joel kept texting me all day telling me he missed me and stuff which was cute 

then he invited me over again that night. so towards the end of the party he was like “btw my friends and i just started watching rent live so take your time bc youll prob get here during the middle of it” and i was like ok that is not happening bc i was not about to sit there and hang out w him and his friends that i dont know at all bc i am not repeating my third date with caleb. so i really took my time and watched the newest drag race. then i got there around midnight again

so we went into his room and he was playing kh 2.8 but we turned it off and we played mariokart on the switch instead! 10th grade me WISHES he was current me omg it was super fun even though he beat me almost every time lol. then we went in bed and did the usual. but this is where a problem started. so we were kissing and touching and stuff and i accidentally moaned calebs name AJKSFADSJFAEJKF i felt SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bad 

he was like “what was that?” and i was like “what?” and he was like “what did you say?” and i was like “nothing” and he was like “it sounded like you said caleb” so then i apologized like a million times lol he said it was ok as long as it didnt happen again. but still i felt sooooo bad about it. i apologized again later on in the night and he said its ok and not to dwell on it lol. idek why i said it bc joel is more attractive than caleb both in terms of looks and personality. i had the same problem when i was with caleb too smh whenever i was w caleb i had to fight the urge to say freddies name. so yeah that was the one mistake ive made so far

so then i tried to make it up to him by sucking his dick. then i also ate his ass and fingered him. now THAT made me horny omg eating his ass was so much fun and his hole was so pretty and fingering him was super fun too! he was nice and tight and he was REALLY enjoying it which made me like it even more! so then i basically fingered him while sucking his dick/jerking him off until he came and it was honestly a religious experience omg he looked SO hot

then we fell asleep again lol but this time i had to wake up earlier bc i had work. work was good bc i got 3 credit cards and my manager sarah was happy about it. but i got SOOOO angry towards the end like we closed at 7 and a whole crowd of people came in at 6:55 and the line was so long even after we closed and when i finally got my last customer she ended up being the most difficult one of the day i hated herrrrrr omg she had like a million returns all w dif receipts and it was even more annoying bc we have to put away the returns along w the go backs after closing so she just gave me even more work to do

then on sunday joel said we shouldnt hang out that night bc we needed to pace ourselves. i was fine w that bc obv i missed him but logically speaking going slow is prob the best thing to do so we dont burn out too quickly. he did text me a lot that night though lol he was not afraid to tell me how much he missed me lol it was cute. then on monday afternoon i saw my therapist and told her all about my new thing w joel and i talked about the doubts i had about it and we had a v good session!

then came last night/today. so this time i got there around like 9pm. i was happy bc it was so easy driving on the parkway this time i was like wow this is actually kinda fun but then i had so much trouble finding parking smh like i can never just have one completely good drive! so i got there and said hi to 2 of his roommates who were in the living room/kitchen area. we went into his room and we watched finding dory and it was so cute! i prob wouldnt have enjoyed it by myself but it was fun watching it while cuddling w him. then there was like a centipede type thing on his ceiling and i was about to die omg he sprayed it w lysol and it fell but he couldnt find it so he thought it would die soon but then later on in the movie it touched his foot and i had to get away while he killed it for good. then later that night when we were in bed there was another bug on his wall smh but this one was easy for him to kill

after the movie he pulled up these youtube videos from this dance show his schools theatre honor society did and made me watch all the songs w him in them. it was honestly really boring im not gonna lie akjfhadshfkfskdjabhd but it was nice seeing him dance and stuff i guess. there was one point where there was a guy in the performance and he was like “oh he had such a nice ass, when i first saw him i was like whoa” like...once again ok caleb like that is not really information i needed to hear. or when this other guy was in the performance and he was like “oh he was my roommate that year, he was one hot piece of ass” like again i really do not need to hear this

then we went in his bed and it was nice! i ate his ass again and this time he ate my ass as well and i ended up cumming this time and i started like laughing uncontrollably after i came idk why lol but it was fun. we fell asleep and this time we could sleep in so it was nice. we kept waking up and kissing and cuddling and stuff. we ended up getting up for real at like 2pm. then he wanted to watch friends so we did that and then he played overwatch while i watched and cuddled him and touched his belly. then we were just laying in bed again and then i had to go back home for dinner. he offered me cereal or oatmeal when he had a bagel for breakfast but im not comfortable eating in front of him yet and i also hate imposing on people so i lied and said i wasnt hungry even though i was starving ashjfadkfhdskjn

so now for the bad parts. so like joel has not shown any signs of being anything but completely 100% interested in me and he has shown no signs of stopping soon yet i cant stop feeling like he just likes me now bc this is new and then he’ll get bored and leave when he gets to know me better. bc thats basically what caleb did and like i have no proof that joel will do it too but i cant get over the feeling unfortunately :/ like honestly out of our 3 dates so far i was kinda tempted to just cancel and then never talk to him again for 2 of them just to end things now so it doesnt get messy later. but my therapist said im not psychic so i shouldnt try to predict the future without any evidence so i am trying to just push the feeling to the back of my mind

now for my next issue: our relationship status. so joel said when we first talked on scruff that he didnt want a relationship but his actions have said otherwise. like he said he wants to take things slow bc he wants to make this work and he keeps saying he wants me to be his and stuff like that and he seems v interested in me beyond just as a friend w benefits. so idk what exactly he wants bc even if he changes his mind and wants to be bfs w me idk if i want to bc i dont want to make him feel “suppressed” again like he said about his past relationship history. so yeah as of now im not taking it too seriously and am just trying to enjoy myself without really thinking of how our situation is going to develop

now for my next issue: his past relationships. he told me the one time he like REALLY fell in love w a guy was w this online long distance relationship. this relationship actually ended very badly for him. but the issue to me is how it began. joel said he met this online guy WHILE he (joel) already had a boyfriend and that he developed feelings for this online guy while he was still w his bf at the time. he said he felt bad about it which is nice i guess. but the way i see it is that if he did this once he can very well do it again and i dont want to be the current boyfriend when that happens. like i honestly cant relate at all bc im the type who doesnt even really check out other guys when im currently bfs w someone. not everyone is like this obv so i cant be mad at him if hes the type to still be attracted to other men. but like, to actually develop feelings for someone else (and not just have it be a physical attraction) while currently bfs w someone? that is just disgusting imo and when he told me this i told him like im ngl thats messed up. so yeah that makes me even more hesitant to be in a relationship w him since he might meet another guy when hes with me and fall in love with him instead. so yeah this is just another thing to note in the back of my mind

and now for something i have mixed feelings about. on sunday he texted me to let me know he deleted all his dating apps yesterday bc he wanted to to focus on pursuing me and he wanted to be preemptive about it bc he didnt want to have any “temptations.” honestly it was cute at first but then i went to delete mine and looked on scruff and it said he was online 10 hours ago but he said he deleted it yesterday! so i asked him about it and he was like “oh yeah i redownloaded them this morning just to check them one last time” like ????????? honestly it was just funny to me bc like why did he tell me deleted his dating apps like it was some big thing if he was just gonna redownload them the next day nnnnnnnnn and like he didnt tell me about the redownloading part so he just wanted me to believe he deleted them yesterday? like idgi what was the point of that lol i think he wanted to do something to look sweet but it just ended up backfiring lmao. also he said he deleted the apps but he didnt delete his profiles so idk what to make of that but honestly i really dont care ive known this guy for 5 days afhkjafkhdaskn it was just kinda funny to me

but this next part is worrisome. its what he said about resisting tempations. like it wouldve been fine if he just said like “i am pursuing you so theres no reason for me to still be on dating apps” but like saying he “didnt want any tempations” so its like...hes admitting that its possible for him to be tempted? like as i said im not tempted by other guys at all like if i am with a man it is just him and only him for me. so idk again it seemed like he was trying to gain points w me by saying that but it just made me even more suspicious. again im not making too much of a big deal over it bc its not that serious yet but its just something for me to keep in my mind bc my therapist said this is the stage where i should be doing research and making note of things that could be red flags and stuff. so *tiffany pollard voice* ive been doing a little research

like it doesnt seem THAT bad on its own but when you combine the temptations thing w his past relationship history stuff it does make it seem like its very possible for him to show so much interest in me now and get with me only to decide he likes another guy more. so yeah for these reasons i am not putting too much stock into whatever we have rn bc im not quite sure yet whether i want to pursue a relationship with him

and i have one more thing. as ive mentioned before joel is good at EVERYTHING. he is good at orgo, playing a bunch of instruments, choreography, makeup, studying, video games, staying on top of his career goals, cooking, and he has a higher gpa than me. i am trying not to be competitive but its honestly really fucking annoying that he is better than me at literally everything! like i wish i just had one thing i could beat him at. i dont want to let it get to me but regardless of how i want to feel the fact of the matter is that i dont like it when people are better than me at anything in general, so when someone is better than me at like everything it REALLY gets on my nerves

and another thing. like all 3 of our dates so far have just been us two alone in his room. i have yet to see how good we are together in like social situations. like w caleb we got along perfectly fine when we were alone just hanging out but the problems started w like going out and doing social things like that. so i need to see what his needs are socially and how compatible our lifestyles are before i can fully devote myself bc if he has the same needs as caleb i most likely wont be able to keep up which will put a strain on the relationship

so those are my issues with the situation so far. i said those first bc i wanted to end on a good note! so now i can move on to the good stuff

joel is honestly really really nice and he gives me soooo much attention and he seems very interested in me atm. he loves my appearance AND he loves my personality and for once it seems like we equally enjoy being with each other instead of me liking the other person way more than they like me. and we have so many common interests and like i dont feel nervous at all when im talking to him! and like he misses me soooo much its so cute! and his personality is just like my fave like it just makes me wanna squeeze him! and hes so funny and like its so cute like if i make a joke and he says like get out or leave or something and im like ok and start to get up hes like “no no dont!!!” and like latches onto me and it is soooooooooo cute. and i literally cannot keep my hands off his hair (and also his ass and tum tbh). and since he lives w his 3 roommates theres no parents to worry about! and he just makes me really happy like i cannot be sad around him and hes so bubbly and he always uses so many heart emojis and calls me nice things like babe and my love and sweetheart and yeah just like he is literally checking off every box rn. all the problems i listed before are somewhat significant but overall i really like him so far so i def want to keep seeing him. and he already lives v close to his school so its not like i need to worry about him leaving anytime soon! and hes really nice like i really liked caleb at first as well (since the problems only really started towards the end of our relationship) but i already like joel way more than i liked caleb! and its nice bc like everyone kept saying when caleb broke up w me that i would find someone way better than him but it was kinda hard to believe at the time but everyone was right! i like joel soooooo much so far and if any guy ive met so far has been boyfriend material its definitely him

[niki8954]

so, @its-jack-the-reaper tagged me in this a long time ago and i finally wanna do it, so here goes

1. Let’s start with a tricky one; what is the real reason you are confused right now?

because of my lack of drive. like i have all my notes for my exams done but i still dont wanna put it all together and organize it??? why cant i be productive for once?? i have so much shit to do but im wasting my time??? why?? idk im a mess atm.

2. What were you doing at 11PM last night?

being emotional about how we’re graduating soon and crying because i realized that i am alive. real talk though, im mad surprised that i survived my shitty mental health and am alive right now. i overcame selfharm and managed to get to this point and im GLOWING. my marks are better than ever, robotics is going well, and i finally have a reliable squad. its just a great time. im proud of myself. 

3. How do you feel about 3AM?

not good. im always way too emotional. i cry at just about everything. but good because thats when the real thinking happens. im most introspective about myself at that time, therefore allowing me to improve on myself.. but also i am superstitious and believe that demons thrive between 3 and 4am so i never sleep.

4. I bet you kissed someone last night, right?

ok

5. You can drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life - what is it?

lemon + water. that shits so good and so calming. also healthy. im all about it. but also maybe hot chocolate. i live for that shit.

6. Do you like hickeys?

never experienced one but they sure as hell are aesthetic as fuck

7. Is there someone who continuously lets you down?

besides myself (which is normal, set unattainable goals and see how far you push yourself to get there), not really. if someone is letting me down, i let them go. or at least distance myself. dont need that shit in my liife. 8. Do you always answer your texts?

sometimes i go a whole day without replying because im always running around, getting shit done. sometimes i reply within seconds. its really a toss up for me. 9. Last time you talked to one of your best friends?

just now over skype.  10. Are you a silent or talkative person?

talkative with friends, silent most everywhere else. i dont like the attention unless its from people i know i vibe with. also im really fucking bad with small talk. i prefer to just get my shit done and carry that mysterious vibe. but also i tend to fill the silence with just useless talk because im an anxious mess.

11. Is anyone else in the room with you?

nah. just me and my misery. 
12. Do you cry easily?

very easily, especially recently. i wont cry in public but when im alone, ill let it all out. other people dont often make me cry unless im already a mess and im on my own. its usually just my own criticism that pushes me too far. 13. What is your family like?


im gonna echo asia’s answer; let’s not. 14. What was your last text message?

a long message to mitch. too long to put here 15. Most embarrassing moment?

i tend to block out embarrassing moments but ive lost a few pretty pathetic arguments that im quite ashamed of. 16. If you had to get a piercing (not ears), what would you get?

medusa, snake, a dermal on my right cheek bone, right under my eye like tony, and a monroe. 17. Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?

how much work i have to get done after this. which i really gotta do. and robotics. robotics is always on my mind 18. Where are you going on your next vacation?

probs a cruise next christmas. or if i go somewhere for grad.

19. Where have you lived most of your life?  

close to toronto, canada. my entire life. a great place. 20. Do you curse around your parents?  

occasionally. my mom doesnt flip over “shit” and stuff like that. but i know i probably said fuck after hurting myself a few times. and i know my mom hears me curse over skype. 21. Are you happy with where you live?

geographically, yeah. emotionally, more than i used to. home-life wise, no. im ready for waterloo. 22. Words you can’t spell half the time?

occasionally, and words with unnecessary extra letters. like unnecessary. 23. What were you doing last night at 12 AM?  

same answer as #2. but also doing accounting work this time. 24. Do you cook?

i once burned my hand boiling water in a kettle. so, as you can imagine, no. but i can make mashed potatoes from a box. 25. Name four things that you wish you had?

more sleep

my work done

a metal from a robotics competition

an acceptance from waterloo

just hitting u up with things i actually want and i very well could get if i worked for them. but lets be serious.

26. Ever meet anyone you met on Tumblr?

not tumblr. but twitter, yeah. technically @inevitablebeary was an internet friend before irl so yeah. and mitch. 27. How is your hair?  

dried out and nasty rn. working on it tho. 28. Think back to January 2007, were you single?

i was eight. also 2007 was a great year for music 29. Are you nice to everyone?  

no. definitely not. disrespect me or cross me and your dont deserve my kindness. im not here to cater to the bullshit others offer me. if you seriously fucked with me, i wont pay any mind to you. but ill be reasonable. i dont go out of my way to be an asshole but sometimes thats the way it is. i wont attack anyone unless im attacked. 

30. How do you feel about sea aquariums?

i dont have an opinion? like i know they suck and shit but i dont have any interest in it and know nothing about it. 

im gonna tag @inevitablebeary, @misery-local, and @laurenmarielambert. yall dont have to do it but if ya waant.

hope everyone has a great day.

[coloarbones]

THOUGHTS: AVENGERS ENDGAME

I really have to get this out because so many scenes got me and in those three hours I’ve experienced a range of emotions I never thought I had SO SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS under the cut!!!

Let’s talk about (in no chronological order)…

1.Clint teaching his daughter archery and calling her Hawkeye (so soffttt)

2. Thanos, a pot, and his potatoes(?)

3. Edgy Thor

4. “What’s wrong with him?” “He’s pissed off.”

5. Tony getting off the space craft and his first sentence to Steve was “I lost the kid.“ 

6. Nebula aggressively playing paper thingy(??) with Tony

7. Scott’s relieved face after seeing Cassie

8. Tony to Steve (non verbatim): LIAR! YOU SAID WE’D LOSE TOGETHER. WHERE WERE YOU????!!! because i swear Tony deserves to go off on the world and while I do love Steve and Tony’s friendship, I’m so happy that Tony finally vocalized how helpless he felt instead of always being the guy with a plan.

9. The role reversal with Natasha and Clint. hasjhdjhgje like everything between them started when Clint gave Natasha hope when she had absolutely nothing. IT WAS JUST SO FREAKING WARM THAT SHE’S ALSO ABLE TO GIVE HIM HOPE AT THE MOMENT HE LOST EVERYTHING this friendship we STAN!

10. DAD!TONY IS CANON!!!! AND TONY AND PEPPER GOT A DAUGHTER! HER NAME IS MORGAN AND SHE IS ADORABLE

11. I honestly though for a second that, with the whole time travel, Tony was gonna have to sacrifice the future he had with a family he always wanted in exchange for the other half of the planet and I was going to go off if Marvel did Tony dirty like that because I swear the dude deserves the world (as mentioned in my Thoughts: INfinity War Post) BUT THEY DIDN’T. HE GOT TO KEEP THE STARK POTTS FAMILY AND HUHUHU MY HEART.

12. TONY ATTENDS PETER PARKER’S SCHOOL FUNCTIONS AND HE HAS PHOTOS OF SPIDEYBOY AND HIM IN A FRAME!!!! (I’d like to believe that more than anything, it was Peter who made Tony want to think about the time travel thing because at that point, he had already settled with his happy family and a cabin)

13. Bruce/Hulk the Superstar (my booiii is finally at home in his own skin)

13.5 Scott Lang/ AntMan not the Superstar (you could hear his heart breaking)

14. The whole movie was based on Back to the Future- Scott Lang probably

15. There was also a mention of “A Wrinkle in Time”- Rhodey, probably

16. Baby/Teenage/Old Scott Lang

17. Steve’s exasperated “are you proud of yourself?” face to Banner.

18. Banner to Steve: I have no idea what I’m doing

      Banner to Scott: We’re good!

      Steve to Scott: You can do this!

      Scott (never did but should’ve): Ya’ll a bunch of liars.

19. the fact that Scott Lang was only gone for a few hours but in reality he lost 5 years of his life. Like could you imagine the confusion he got? Cassie’s all grown up. Half the people he knows is gone, Hope, Pym, The Avengers is in chaos. The world in mourning. YET through it all, he makes jokes. He laughs. He continues being the cinnamon roll that he is.

20. Whatever the cost.

21. TONY AND STEVE (subtly) MAKES UP! FINALLLYYY

22. Thor staring Rhodey down when he didnt raise his hand when Rocket asks who hasn’t been to space

23. Rocket being the 2nd mechanic in the Avenger’s Tower

24. Loki sassing Captain America and Thor slapping that mask thingy at him.

25. Cap getting his shield back.

26. Cap getting his shield back again.

27. “Don’t worry Captain! That is America’s Ass!”

28. Tony (the king of all extra) calls the Avenger post extra…

29. Bruce “smashing” things

30. Sorcerer supreme and Bruce because two gentle souls talking to each other and I need a break from the action

31. “Maybe he made a mistake?” “….or maybe I did.”

32. People shading Tony’s beard

33. TONY GOT TO TALK ABOUT MORGAN WITH HOWARD

34. JARVIS IRL!

35. Scott’s sadly looking at his taco

36. Scott’s sparkling eyes at getting another taco

37. Nebula throughout the movie: “we have no one but idiots here.”

38. Rhodey about Quill: …. he’s an idiot.

39. “What happens to us?” “We become friends. We become sisters.”

40. STILL SAD THAT GAMORA IS DEAD BUT im so happy that even so, pre GotG vol. 1 Gamora was satisfied about the life her future self lived.

41. YO. GAMORA WAS WILLING TO PULL HER KNIFE OUT WHEN BAD!NEBULA WAS IN TROUBLE EVEN BEFORE EVERYTHING

42. Pre-Infinity War Thanos is lazy AF friends.

43. Thor’s Panic attack

44. The fact that the MCU showed us that our heroes can’t always be heroes. Thor gave up on everything. He wanted nothing to do with anything. Thor blamed himself, couldn’t deal with failure, and couldn’t deal with being just like everybody else. Thor absolutely failed and it wasn’t fine but it was normal. He needed not to be a hero in order to understand that it was okay to be weak and mourn about our mistake because we’re all just human. 

45. Natasha and Clint willing to die for each other, will fight off each other to stop the death of each other.

46. Clint and Natasha’s forehead booping scene. (they will forever be my ultimate pairing platonic or romantic)

47. Thor in denial of Nat’s death “We can bring her back right? That’s what this is all for right?”

48. “We have to make this count” “We will”

49. The scene where Captain America, bloodied and battered, was standing all alone in front of an army. Like WTF my baby child was going to try to hold them off even if he had no clue how and suddenly he hears Sam and BAM!!!! STRANGE’s circle shows and then THE MCU!!!! We got Asgardians, Wakandians(???), Frost people (???), sorcerers… EVERYBODY. NOW HE ISN’T ALONE ANYMORE!!! We GOTCHU CAP!

50. PEPPER BEING THE BADASS THAT SHE IS!!

51. MCU WOMEN BEING THE BADASS THAT THEY ARE!

52. NATASHA DESERVED TO BE THERE!!!!! HUHUHUHU

53. Cap giving away his shield.

54. Tony’s death (because yes it sucks but I think its a death that befits THE Tony Stark. He got the best of everything he wanted and a legacy to be proud of. I would have loved for him to live, but he didn’t. But I am happy that he got the privilege to live a meaningful life and die a hero’s death. Most can’t even do either.) IT WASN’T THE SAME WITHOUT STAN LEE BUT SOMETHING TELLS ME HE WOULD’VE LOVED THIS.

[survivoremathia]

Ep. 5 "Operation 5 to Stay Alive" - Ali

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158125930181/swap-announcement

ALI

New tribes, new me! So, this tribe is interesting. Its 3 Odysseus people (me, JD and Sam), 3 Olympus people (Logan, Rob and Eddie) and 2 Othrys people (Matthew and Duncan). Trevor warned us about the Olympus clique, so I think it'd be good if us three Odysseus people ally with Duncan and Matthew, and hopefully can gain control. I'm nervous though!

TREVOR

https://youtu.be/9Cp2bQsoSio

Also I just found out that newbie Ryan is irl friends with Logan so he will be first voted out- know that. 

MATTHEW

rain drop

drop top

here are my thoughts on the tribe swap so I really haven't made any confessionals yet in this game and I'm sorry, but the OG Othrys tribe was kinda boring because we slayed so much. I was in an alliance with Ryan, Owen and David, but I really only full trusted Ryan and he's the only one I told about door #9 in the Labyrinth so we'll see if that info stays quiet for a while. However, now that we've swapped, this game has gotten really interesting. At first I was really terrified because I got separated from all of my allies, but now that I've taken the time to talk to everyone and get a sense of the tribe dynamics, I think I'm in a really good position. According to Sam, the only person I really knew at all from this tribe before this game, the Olympus 3 are a really tight alliance and have been friends from a previous game which is always super intimidating. Since those three are voting together, it kinda forces the three Odysseus member to stick together, and that puts Duncan and I in the middle. Duncan is the person I had the worst connection with on my original tribe, so being stuck with him again is both scary and rewarding because it sort of forces us together. Obviously, I trust Sam a ton and I'm really getting along well with Ali, and I think that leaving such a strong alliance in the game isn't the smartest idea in case we just go on an insane losing streak which is VERY possible given how stacked the other tribe is. However, Duncan thinks that trying to work with Eddie/Logan/Rob would be in our best interest because leaving those three in would make them the bigger targets and keep the two of us under the radar, which I agree with to an extent, but I don't get the feeling that the other three would be quick to turn on us if we sided with them. Maybe it's just because I have strong bonds with Sam and Ali, but I really don't want to vote against them. Duncan said he's close with Eddie, so that puts us in a really interesting position. If Duncan and I can't agree with what we want to do, it would tie, and rocks could eventually come into play. AND, we have no idea what the Labyrinth has let loose in this game! There's a lot of interesting factors that have come into play and I'm both super excited and super terrified.

ROB

Swap and I'm with my Olympus peeps? Amazing. I really like the newbies and I hope we can do something with them. I want Sam out, but I do think I'll be screwed. He knows the newbies longer than me. It's going to be a battle.

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158127394321/immunity-5

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158215267946/immunity-results

MATTHEW

"i think i was trying to make help" - Samuel Rutan, in defense of his inebriated plan to put a target on Rob's back.

so this challenge is uh...interesting. I've admittedly not had the best attitude about our ability to win challenges because the other tribe is so stacked with people who can dominate, especially at a challenge like this where a lot of them have experience editing videos and stuff and we certainly do not. I think our tribe really lacks a certain cohesion necessary for this, and everyone feels like we don't really have a shot so people are moreso focused on surviving tribal even though we haven't even lost yet. Nobody is really stepping up to the plate. People are saying no ideas without offering anything to replace them, and not explaining why they don't like the ideas in the first place. Our music video really has no direction at the moment and we're just focused on getting it done so we don't look like fools who couldn't even turn in the challenge. The more I talk to people, the more I definitely see myself as a major swing vote this round. I just had a two and a half hour call with Eddie, Logan and Duncan and I really felt like we all bonded a bit. It's nice to just sit back and talk about life shit and boys and not worry about strategy for a while, but you always have to think about how you can use these personal bonds to your advantage. The person I want gone most at this point is Rob, but if that's not going to want to be possible, I need to be proactive in keeping Sam and Ali safe by suggesting JD as an alternate. I think I have a lot of power this round, and I'm going to capitalize on it. I don't care if it puts a target on my back; I've played this game MANY times, and I've learned that you should never miss out on an opportunity to put yourself in the best position possible. It's gonna take some Cirie Fields level misting to get Eddie and Logan on board to go after Rob, but if I can pull it off, I keep everyone on the tribe happy and I still maintain my power next round while getting rid of somebody I have no connections with. It may be ambitious, but ambitious is my middle name. Not really but...it's better than "Fucking".

LOGAN

Literally every confessional has had me saying I want to die or I'm dying in it? i dont understand? ANYWAY. My liver isnt working but we'll get there ig. I'm hoping I can team up with more experienced players and clocc some newbies but i think they are gonna want Rob. I DONT WANT THEM TO WANT ROB. ROB AND LOGAN ARE NED AND SARAH. DO NOT.

EDDIE

Me on call with Rob: what do you think we should do for this first vote Rob: I think we should target duncan. Me: Okay let’s try this again… What do you think we should do for this first vote I’m just going to ask him over and over again until he tells me what I wanna hear which is that we rope in Duncan and take out that snake Sam. Me when I finally get Sam’s blood all over my face, body, and hands: https://secure.static.tumblr.com/9a788ea893dbd408a839201df9d00f17/zytcgar/FT3noeef9/tumblr_static_tumblr_static__640.gif Also Matt and I are bonding on call right now and I’m just thinking about how I want him voted out after Sam https://38.media.tumblr.com/37eccabcb3a37667abaf56a3ae3ac081/tumblr_nh9mgbqDaM1sm1gf4o1_400.gif But like omg I just want sam OUT OF HERE. LIKE GET OUT OF HERE SNAKE. When Duncan wants me to vote out logan or rob if we go to tribal. Duncan: I mean Id tag along but maybe one of them can go first to make people less afraid of you all. Me: https://38.media.tumblr.com/cafd74179121e455c36ecd78471a2010/tumblr_nkpzoyDeZL1uokvyoo1_500.gif I got a lot of tea from my call with duncan last night though. We're snatching Sam and then we're snatching Matt. It's just happening. Matt is in a majority alliance with Ryan and this other guy on whatever tribe they're from I'm sure I look at the name I'll remember who it is so he's on the snatching list. Also Matt will run right to Lydia who I wanted to work with but I no longer think she will work with me. So this is all about lining up all my cannons to take a shot at her at merge. So first we snatch Sam who is probably cool with trevor who is cool with lydia and is super dangerous. And then we snatch matt who will run right to ryan and lydia once merge comes. Duncan also told me he has some cursed idol thingy which is super helpful for the future.

TREVOR

I don't have time for a video confessional this round so here we go. We won immunity which kind of sucks. I was prepared for tribal. I'm blood hungry. My goal was to vote out Other Ryan and hope Scott self votes and gets removed.  Other Ryan has not replied to me the last two times I tried to talk to him. Literally 0 social game.  And he didn't even SHOW UP for the challenge. No participation. No excuse. Nothing. So hopefully we lose the next one so we can cut these people. And then maybe cut Jay O too if we have the time- to spilt up him and Duncan. Looking at the other tribe - as long as Ali, JD, or Sam don't go home it will be good for my game. I really don't care who it is out of the others but preferably one of the Olympus folks. Hopefully my little newbie friends heed my warning about them. I have two alliances going at this point. One with owen and Lydia and another one with those two and RTP. I know I said in my last confessional that RTP can GO but I think I might work with him for a while. I am also making sure I stay tight with David and Jay.  And Isaac is becoming expendable. 

ALI

LITERALLY 2 MINS AFTER DISCUSSING THAT TONIGHT'S VOTE IS SPLIT 4-4. I WON AN EXTRA VOTE IN THE LABYRINTH. WHAT IS GOING ON!!!! DJKSHXDKSJXSNODDHIDBCODNSAKCOAMDPD (removed about 17 lines of this)

ROB

I think I might be screwed, I just have to talk to these people to get out Sam

JD

The swap. I  was okay with it. As far as the four seasons goes, it couldn't have been better. We got slip down the middle and paired up with the one that were most comfortable with. 

I like Eddie and Matt, I was chatting with them but didn't think of it till later that its the same as our memory challenge. And might I add, they both kicked my ass. 

I'm scared of Eddie. I mean he's great and we have great conversations. but like, I looked at another season and he's a huge threat. If I had followed the season before he probably would have been one of my fav players. I think that's what sucks that most about lying to him right now. I have my group and I'm not leaving them but if we had started out on the same tribe I would have loved to have worked with him, should have mutinied. 

ALI!!!! My god like that extra vote couldn't have come at a better time XD 

I hate lying, like really I do, you wouldn't know it though. I put lying and stealing on the same place in the bad space. But here I am, lying, all in the name of a game. I think it's a huge reason why I feel like shit going into this tribal. But I've got a gut feeling that they are trying to put all the votes on Rob and then have him use the idol. Which is a good way to do it but i don't know. It's hard to read people over text. But I think me and Ali are voting for Eddie :/

ROB

I'm in trouble

I love myself

EDDIE

So I just got off call with duncan and basically flipped him back onto playing the idol on a rob and idoling out Sam. How beautifully iconic? I really need to save my gentle bean rob because people keep coming for him and he is smol and needs to be protected. Not only that but Sam is a rat. So it's a win win either way. Matt keeps saying it's about power and that he would want it to be more even on the tribe and I'm just like boiiiii fuck out my face. You're getting snatched next. Like why are you telling me this is about you wanting power on this tribe like WHY. Idk if he trusts me to tell me this but he shouldn't because I used it to go to duncan and say "hey you want rob out but if we vote rob out matt with have all the power. Next round he will be the swing between us and the newbies and that's everything you don't want. So if we can idol out sam then that will take all the power away from matt." And that basically had him shooketh and he immediately was like "ok ok i dont want that ill play the idol on rob". So here we are the idol is being played on rob, Sam is getting slain, and I'm probably going to be in a very good position on this tribe. What else can a boy ask for? A new car that's what. But I don't have the money for that yet so I'll just be happy with me being in a good position on this tribe. Anyway I gotta go back to werk bye.

JD

Okay~~~ So what a cluster. We ended up with like three possibilities. But we all thing that Rob's going to use an idol, so there is no way we're voting him yet. But we want to target the old Olympians. That leaves Eddie and Logan, we really could care less with ones goes but personally Eddie scares me. In the game he scares me, he seems like a sweetheart and all but in game... honey-badger man. 

So, we're all voting for Eddie and in theory (if Duncan is really with them) then it's a 4-4 split. But with Ali's extra vote, we should win 5-4.  Here's hoping because I don't wanna be on the bottom.  

MATTHEW

LOL so this is a #mess. This round started out like I thought. The Odysseus Three set their sights on the least active person, Rob, while the Olympus Three decided to target their old tribemate Sam because they're not sure they could trust him, putting myself and Duncan in the middle. However, things got a bit tricky when Duncan and I had different ideas about what to do. Duncan wanted to stick with the Olympus folks because of his close bond with Eddie, while I thought it made more sense strategically to side with Sam and the newbies. It kinda put us in a weird power struggle where we both knew that letting the other person get their way was giving them all the power. I don't trust Duncan enough to be sure that he wouldn't just ditch me for Eddie if it came down to it, and I'm sure he had the same reservations. Things started to get sketchy for me when I started campaigning against Rob to Duncan because Eddie and Rob immediately messaged me at the same time. Like...way to be subtle, guys. It really made me question where I stood in their eyes, and I wasn't about to put myself at the bottom of a 5 person alliance. I kept trying to convince Duncan that voting out Rob would put us in a powerful position but he didn't seem to want to go for it, and immediately I started playing the defensive. At that point, everyone on their side was acting so sketchy by trying to "play dumb" and downplay their closeness that I knew I needed to stick with Sam, JD and Ali. If it went to rocks...it went to rocks!! However, Ali received a godsend from the Labyrinth in the form of an extra vote, so our foursome is now able to pull off the numbers. Logan, Eddie and Duncan then all said they'd be willing to vote out Rob, but it all seemed a little too easy, especially after how sketchy they've been acting all day. JD and Ali then spearheaded a movement to actually vote for EDDIE in case they decide to play an idol on Rob. It's a huge move, and these newbies are here to play which I love to see, but it definitely scares me how everyone is gonna react next round. Even though Duncan and Logan will probably hate us, it's the best move to ensure our safety and that we can maintain a solid majority for the next few rounds.

ALI

Ugh, I loved our video so much, but Olympus' was amazing too... I mean Trevor waving a knife seductively? Iconic. Anywho, this vote is super complex. I've dubbed it, 'Operation 5 to Stay Alive', but to form this 5 is hard, our tribe dynamics are super complex. I mean, I'm kind of an outsider, and beggars can't be choosers when it comes to these things. Here is my breakdown of tribe dynamics atm: The Olympus 3: Logan and Rob are close, with Eddie with them, but potentially the 3rd? Then, I get the sense that Duncan is close with Logan and Eddie, which is problematic, as I think we should get rid of one of the Olympus people.... Hmmmmmnnnnn. Otherwise, I'm closest with JD and Matt. I'm scared for Sam, in that I'm concerned the Olympus three are gonna target him. I really hope Duncan is up for voting off an Olympus person, it just seems to make the most sense...

SAM

hey i love being on the road and making confessionals! so i lost another music video challenge--i've never outright won one of those before, so i didn't have good vibes coming in. no surprises. duncan and i talked a lot after the challenge about voting out rob and he was very cool about it, stating that he's more closer to eddie and logan. fine. i'm okay. i go to bed. this morning i did that™ on my thermo exam (woot!) and then went to the labyrinth. using my torch i found a bust that looked LIKE IT WAS ONCE WEARING A NECKLACE. damn you, father time. i almost found an idol for the first time in a year. i then found out that the former olympus members want to target me--not a surprise because i dumped their asses, but i really wish i had gotten that idol. what upset me more is that duncan is campaigning for me to leave. he was being suspicious by complimenting my new style of gameplay and such but it did hurt a little after he had said he wanted to work with me this go around. then LATER IN THE DAY ALI TELLS ME HE GOT AN EXTRA VOTE IN THE LABYRINTH so then myself, ali, jd, and matt began scheming for a positive. these newbies are willing to go to war for me , which I LOVE. we need more ferocious players. i'm so impressed. so, we're thinking eddie for tribal because he's the most adept of the bangladesh 3 to do damage, but we might have some more tricks up our sleeves come tribal tonight. ;)

SAM

hi these newbies are willing to go to rocks for me and i've never felt so giddy

JD

OMG! also I just realized that, an hour before tribal, that we planned a blindside! A little slow but yes! Also, Duncan saying that me and Eddie were at work, I don't think I told him that, so there tots working together 

ALI

To clarify how our plan (me, Sam, Matt and JD) for this vote came about. Basically, the tribe was originally seemingly split 4-4 (Logan, Duncan, Eddie and Rob vs the 4 people above). I by some miracle, got an extra vote, saving us from a tie, and thus, we have 5 votes between us. Duncan may've flipped, we don't know, so we've made a majority amongst ourselves, to try and make his vote just seem additional. We are also nervous, as Logan said their casting their 'votes' plural, which could remake it into a tie eeek! :) Who knows, this could be my final tribal! If so, in the words of the legendary Sandra Diaz Twine, 'the queen stays queen, adios!'.

DUNCAN

This vote? A mess?

This idol? A mess?

My future in this game? Probably a mess. Matt summers and I are swing votes and it's ugly because I need to use this idol tonight because I don't want to keep getting disadvantages in challenges. Ummm I'm so sorry Samuel. I'm willing to take a chance on the unknown as oppposed to having a shitty ally again. This could very well be my last confessional. Also I want to shout out my sister Ariel and Mitch! Love ya! *MWAH*

http://survivoremathia.tumblr.com/post/158247749721/tribal-council-4-othrys