#also in my heart. the placement of everyone here that's just the default formation

[moe-broey]

6/15 • Day 7 • Free Day

Sharena Says FUCK‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

They've been lost in the woods for at least three hours.

@sharenaweek

Textpost inspo under cut!

[borisbubbles]

ESC 2021 Preshow: 08. France

Barbara Pravi - “Voilà”

Autoqualifier

France going from 3rd last on my ranking / likely last place in the finale to 8th place in the ranking / probably top 3 in the Grand Final. 😍 WHAT A GLOW-UP.

So, “Voilà” is epic, obviously. Yeah I will skip the theatrics, each and every one of you know this song and we all know it’s probably the best French entry in ages. 

Funnily enough, I didn’t care for “Voilà” when I first heard it lmfao. It felt similar to the song Patricia Kaas went to Eurovision with and while “Et s’il faillait le faire” has its fans, I was never one of them. Worse, the internet immediately resorted to refering to “Voilà” as a “masterpiece” which is probably the pretentious statement you can make about Eurovision songs. Guys, it’s an Edith Piaf-inspired tribute act. Calm the eff down. Still, even at this early a stage I was instantly charmed by Barbara’s introspection and pluck even if I didn’t care for the music at first. After all, Barbara was the mastermind behind jesc HITS “Bim bam toi” and “J’imagine” and if she wants to bring a song that puts HER SELF at the forefront, she’s perfectly entitled to do so. About fucking time. On top of that, I thought the ending was sublime, even in studio version. “Why can’t the entire song be like that”, I thought. And then, E:CVQD arrived and Barbara SERVED, OUTSOLD, SLAYED, etc every superlative under the sun. 

So remember when I aired my critique regarding Gjon? “Tout l’Univers” is an “Objectively Strong” composition in that it employs music theory to conjure up a song that sounds impressive on first listen. But behind that academic skill lies virtually nothing of interest. I cannot connect with it beyond a base level because what does it tell me about Gjon or his story? Technique without a heart or a soul is merely pretense. But I suppose it can sound sophisticated to someone who doesn’t know what “sophistication” is. 

Barbara, however. Her personality just SPRINGS FORWARD on an approachable level from the first note. “Voilà”s’s technical expertise and Barbara’s own perfomance talents carry this vibe, this SERVE of personality, through the full three minutes without ever getting boring or tedious and they leave me craving for another listen. ALL OF THESE ARE AMAZING TRAITS IN A EUROVISION SONG. And this is just from the studio version, the live stage show makes it even better. 

So yeah, homeboy’s got his work cut out for him because if this is his competition he’ll have to graft hard for his victory.

NF Corner -  C’est Vous Qui Décidez

In what would become a running theme amidst countries this year, France led the charge in a personal project called #OperationForget2020, in which every trace of last year would be subsequently memory-holed. To acheive this, they revived their NF, gave it a new name and pretended it was ~The First NF of Its Format~ (so basically doing what Lithuania did last year when they rebranded Atranka into PiN).

INCIDENTALLY, this would also wind up the best NF of the year, pretty much by default because France had the most to win. Even though Barbara was the obvious winner from the instant the songs were revealed, the French had some excellent back-up options in their arsenal. Let’s rummage through them shall we?

LMK - “Magique”

R&B Trap wench <3 “Magique” starts off pretty and cute for fifteen seconds, before whiplashing hard into kick-ass tropical house territory. Her Slovene spirit mothers Raiven and Lea Sirk are so proud of her <3 She definitely deserved much better than the result she got (being NQ with the audience O_O), but lol it’s France, they ain’t NEVER crowning a sexually confident sassy woman, let’s not kid ourselves. 

Céphaz - “On a mangé le soleil”

This Hat God had me at that title. “We have eaten the sun” 😍😍😍😍. More songs should adopt a fatalistic environmental angle by using consumption-related metaphors à la “we’ve devoured out planet :burp:, MOAR”, and then set this suuuuper cynical and depressing text to an upbeat and optimistic soundtrack <3 The “Hey ya” tease of it all. 😍

Amui - “Maeva”

So cheerful it turns a surly cretin such as myself into a blundering mass of uwu. It’s like a nillies Eurovision semi NQ’er suddenly wandered into the set, so derivative and repetitive and tacky but SO fun and happy-go-lucky <3 The entire premise of “Maeva” is basically like: “VISIT FRENCH POLYNESIA, WE ARE THE MOST HOSPITABLE PEOPLE ON THIS EARTH” <333 using this message in the middle of a worldwide viral pandemic <33333333 Normally fun-trash like this would be murdered at first sight by any jury, but whoops “Maeva” turned out a massive televote hit HEHEE 😛 and finished third in the televote despite being last or second last with the jury. Those Tahitian diasporia votes coming through <3

Adriamad - “Allélujah”

TACKY EUROTRASH <3 Lol when I think of it, did I like this NF because it was good or because it was so fun-trash. Anyway, this display of diversity would normally be on my shitlist but it’s honestly SO OTT in its ~People Of The World Of All Colours Are Equal~ message it circles back into funny. The eye gimmick, the hammy choreography, the obnoxious fusion of several cultures into a nondescript ethnotrash hodgepodge, the fucking LYRICS everything is so funny and so entertaining it’s giving me LIFE. 😍 I’d say it deserved better but “Allélujah” stranding in the demifinal (not a typo) is honestly a much, much more satisfying result <3

Predicted Journey - France

Barbara is going on that Mahmood trajectory, I see. Early fave who gets near unanimous critical acclaim, rules solely on top until the other contenders show up and is then put on the backburner because she’s an autoqualifier and therefore isn’t a part of the “who will qualify?” discussions. Then, the rehearsals will happen and everyone will remember “hey, that French chick we almost forgot about is actually REALLY good” allowing her to pick up momentum again, catapulting her into the top five. So it is written, such it shall be.

The question is... Can she win? 

The answer is: yeah, possibly? At this point we have three potential contenders: Gjon for Switzerland and Destiny for Malta are the main rivals and I’d say Barbara has one big advantage over Gjon and Destiny: She already has a great live performance to back up her potential winner status. In fact, Barbara is a fave to win because we know what she’s going to bring in Rotterdam.  Gjon and Destiny could theoretically still bomb if their staging is off (and both are getting theirs done by Sasha Jean-Baptiste, soooooo) and their contenderness is based on things such as hype and expectation. Barbara meanwhile already had her baptism by fire when she competed in E:CQVD, which she handily won.

The problem though is Gjon Muharremaj. For the average eurofan, France and Switzerland have similar entries and it will result in a tug-of-war between which of them has the better song. Either could win this televote bout, and whoever does could beat Malta.. .but that would require Malta to have a disappointing televote result and with each passing day this is starting to look less likely. (Jury results matter less because they’re probably the top 3).  Personally I don’t really have a preference between Barbara OR Destiny as a win for either would push Eurovision in a better direction (A Gjon win though... I am TERRIFIED that may result in a 2022 contest filled with Vincent Bueno’s and Vasils), but if these three are indeed the top three, Barbara’s position is the most secure although she’s probably also the least likely one to actually win. Pray that I’m wrong though and we can all meet at her flat in Montmartre for a covid-proof afterparty. 

Projected placements:

> Grandfinal: 1st-5th (predicted Runner-up)

THE RANKING: 

01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. FRANCE - Barbara Pravi - “Voilà” 09. BULGARIA - Victoria - “Growing up is getting old” 10. LATVIA - Samanta Tina - “The moon is rising” 11. GREECE - Stefania - “Last dance” 12. SWEDEN - Tusse - “Voices” 13. IRELAND - Leslie Roy - “Maps” 14. CROATIA - Albina - “Tick Tock” 15. MOLDOVA - Natalia Gordienko - “Sugar” 16. ITALY - Måneskin - “Zitti e buoni” 17. ALBANIA - Anxhela Peristeri - “Karma” 18. UNITED KINGDOM - James Newman - “Embers” 19. LITHUANIA - The Roop - “Discoteque” 20. ESTONIA - Uku Suviste - “The lucky one” 21. FINLAND - Blind Channel - “Dark side” 22. AZERBAIJAN - Efendi - “Mata Hari” 23. the NETHERLANDS - Jeangu Macrooy - “Birth of a new age” 24. CZECH REPUBLIC - Benny Christo - “Omaga” 25. DENMARK - Fyr og Flamme - “Øve os på hinanden” 26. SLOVENIA - Ana Soklič - “Amen” 27. SWITZERLAND - Gjon’s Tears - “Tout l’Univers” 28. ROMANIA - Roxen - “Amnesia” 29. SERBIA - Huricane - “Loco loco” 30. POLAND - Rafał - “The ride” 31. ISRAEL - Eden Alene - “Set me free” 32. GEORGIA - Tornike Kipiani - “You” 33. PORTUGAL - The Black Mamba - “Love is on my side” 34. SPAIN - Blas Cantó - “Voy a quedarme” 35. NORWAY - Tix - “Fallen Angel” 36. CYPRUS - Elena Tsagrinou - “El Diablo” 37. AUSTRIA - Vincent Bueno - “Amen” 38. NORTH MACEDONIA - Vasil - “Here I stand” 39. GERMANY - Jendrik - “I don’t feel hate”

[incorrecttwicequotes]

PART 1: Okay... House theory time and to get really into detail on my choosing for each girl. I may just do an ask for each member to make it easier. I view houses as being more based on value. Gryffindor being pride and glory, Ravenclaw being thought and creativity, Hufflepuff being community and hard-work, and Slytherin being achievements and perfection. It's a very basic idea of each house.

*I put the rest of this under a cut because it’s super long. I provided my own breakdown as well*

I think Jihyo is on a thin line for hers since she fits pretty well into both Gryffindor and Hufflepuff. Her loyalty is completely and utterly her strongest attribute. She will literally do anything for these girls, but only acts upon it when she has to. Though I see her on the gray line of Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, her hard work and dedication I think shoves her into Hufflepuff and our of Gryffindor.

Chaeyoung is another one that is fairly on the line as well between Slytherin and Ravenclaw. While she is a bit of a little shit, she is very much a free thinker. Ravenclaw, in the Harry Potter lore, enjoyed free and interesting thinkers. Being so open minded with other ideas and exploring said culture could land her in Ravenclaw over Slytherin. Her creativity with both music and her doodles is another reason to sort her there. Like Jihyo, she’s on a fine line, though. I still say Ravenclaw.

Dahyun is not a Slytherin or Ravenclaw. She’s too silly and unconventional. Her bold and fearless behavior puts her into Gryffindor over Hufflepuff. I feel the best place for her is there. Dahyun doesn’t give a flying shit and never will. She just does what she wants to and that’s pretty Gryffindor.

Nayeon I feel is a Slytherin. She’s kind of into herself a bit. I don’t know how much of this is a face she puts on to look cute or if it is her actual personality. Not that that trait is bad. Though, I think there is a good argument for Gryffindor with her. Nayeon knows what she wants and kind of just goes for it regardless of what the others think and that fits into both houses very well. Nayeon is Slytherin for now, but I can be convinced for Gryffindor if given a good argument.

Sana’s the puffiest Hufflepuff to ever Hufflepuff. I don’t think there’s any argument or explanation for it. Tzuyu being a Slytherin is another one that I think is a given.

I placed Mina in Ravenclaw for her intelligence and nerdiness, but I kind of want to argue that she could be a Hufflepuff as well. Hardwork and dedication may plop her there, but I think Ravenclaw is a strong fit for her.

Jeongyeon being a Gryffindor is another one that is a pretty solid statement on it’s own. I do think an argument for Hufflepuff could be made for her as well. Like she may tease the other girls, but she will go through thick and thin for them, no doubt. I don’t think she thinks through her actions enough to be a Hufflepuff, though. So Gryffindor.

(I forgot to put the parts on mine) Okay, I left Momo for last because she’s pretty hard for me to sort. That being said, there is implications inside of the Potter books that people who fit into multiple houses and the hat is stuck on placement it defaults to Hufflepuff, but I honestly don’t like this theory since it’s a cope out when trying to explain someone. I honestly feel that she could be a hat stall, which means the hat lets the witch choose. Maybe Gryffindor or Ravenclaw. I say Gryff?

THIS! This is the kind of thing I want to see. Full on breakdowns in essay format, thank you so much for this. And you also agree with the idea that houses are based on personal values rather than the house stereotypes THANK THE LORD

You pretty much agreed with my idea for each member. I’m also a giant Harry Potter nerd and I consider myself pretty knowledgeable on the houses. But again, it is topical and based off a lot of people’s personal opinions.

Ok, I’ll get into my own analysis:

I’ve always had trouble sorting Jihyo between Gryffindor and Huffflepuff. An argument could be made for her bravery since she stayed a trainee for 10 years, but I lean into Hufflepuff as well because above all else Jihyo seems to value hard work and loyalty. She’s shown on many occasions that one of the most important things to her is her role as a leader in looking out for her members. Jihyo: Hufflepuff

I’m so glad you agree with me about Chae being a Ravenclaw. She seems to be one of the most divided members in terms of opinion, I’ve seen her sorted in Gryffindor and Slytherin as well. But to me it’s crystal clear that Chae is a Ravenclaw because one of her key values is learning, not necessarily book learning, but Ravenclaw isn’t just a house for ‘smart people’. It’s the house that represents creativity, intelligence, wit and wisdom. And I really think that aligns perfectly with her values. Chaeyoung: Ravenclaw

I definitely agree with you for Dahyun as well. Dahyun’s personality tells me Gryffindor all the way. She isn’t afraid to be herself and put herself out there, which screams Gryffindor to me, and I think it’s a value that she holds pretty close to her heart to be able to always be herself and be out there. Definitely Gryffindor, I have no argumentDahyun: Gryffindor

Nayeon is someone who I’ve always said is a Slytherin. I have almost been coerced to the Gryffindor side of things I will admit but I always come back to Slytherin for her. Her confidence is definitely a Gryffindor trait, however if you have a look at the official list of Slytherin values/traits you get Resourcefulness, Cunning, Ambition, Determination, Self-Preservation, Fraternity, Cleverness. Everything about that screams Nayeon to me, she’s intelligent and uses her own abilities to move forward, she goes for what she wants and she unites with the people she cares for, e.g. Twice. One of the key things people often forget about Slytherin as a house is that they always stick together as a group and they defend their own. This is where Nayeon’s caring quality comes in, and you can see it in the way she looks after her members.Nayeon: Slytherin

Personally I’ve always found Sana hard to place, but honestly I agree with you I think she suits Hufflepuff the best. Again, looking at the values, I think Sana lines up pretty well when it comes to loyalty, (before anyone says anything about her being a snake sit down I’m about to learn you something). She’s loyal to Twice, and she’s typically the member who provides comfort to the members. Above all else I really think Sana values hard work and she’s dedicated to what she does. Although I think she’s riding a thin line between Slytherin and Hufflepuff I gotta be honestSana: Hufflepuff

One thing that’s consistent, everyone sorts Tzuyu into Slytherin. Literally every single person so far has said Slytherin and I’m not going to argue with them, I support this move fully. For anyone who is doubtful of this. Tzuyu is cunning and ambitious, without a doubt, and she values not only herself but Twice and she honestly just fits with every Slytherin value and trait, is this even a debateTzuyu: Slytherin

Definitely Ravenclaw for Mina, that’s another one that everyone seems to be sold on. She really seems to value intelligence and is the type that enjoys the presence of engaging people she can have conversations with, and if that doesn’t scream that she values intelligence then get out. She’s also a really wise person, and I mean come on who’s arguing this point anymoreMina: Ravenclaw

I definitely think Gryffindor for Jeongyeon as well, that’s something I’ve always been sold on but I’ve seen some people with differing opinions. It seems to me that Jeongyeon values bravery, and I’ve noticed that Gryffindor’s are consistently led by their emotions and that pretty much sums up Jeongyeon to me.Jeongyeon: Gryffindor

This is where we hit our first opposing opinion. Which is quite impressive actually, we’ve agreed up until this point. At first I thought Momo was easy to sort but thinking back on it she represents so many qualities and values from a lot of the houses it’s so hard to sort her. I wanna do the process of elimination here. I don’t think she’d be a Slytherin, she doesn’t seem the type to embody any traits of cunning behaviour or self preservation so let’s cross that off. Next on my list Ravenclaw, hmm I don’t see it. Momo is very straightforward as a human being, which is why I don’t think she would go to  either Slytherin or Ravenclaw. Not to say that Momo is unintelligent, she’s definitely smart, but not in the Ravenclaw way. Ravenclaws are in depth thinkers who question things, Momo doesn’t seem like that type of person. Generally the division comes down to Gryffindor or Hufflepuff and the general consensus seems to be 50/50. I opt for Hufflepuff. Gryffindors value bravery and Momo is brave and she puts herself out there a lot, but above all else it seems to me that Momo values hard work and she isn’t afraid to work hard for what she wants. Hufflepuffs, to quote the sorting hat, are ‘unafraid of toil.’ I do have to go for Hufflepuff on this one. Momo: Hufflepuff

I was not expecting that to be as intense as it was. Please remember guys this really comes down to opinions and there’s really no way to know for sure. So feel free to keep sending me your own head cannons for Twice’s houses, I really do want to see everyone’s opinions. I’ve been compiling it into a list to see which is more popular. I wasn’t going to post my opinions originally, but after seeing your breakdown I felt like I had to contribute. I do still have something planned for a Hogwarts Houses thing, but that might not come for a while. I’m pretty swamped with work. In the meantime I hope you guys enjoyed/appreciated this. If you have an opposing view feel free to send it in, it pays well to be open minded.