#also imo if you want an annoying depthless villain fearnes' shitty rapist dad is right there. he's an anticiv fash too

[cringefaecompilation]

alright, alright, serious post about episode 102. i was really angry when i saw ludinus ignore every single valid argument against the gods or have an ounce of sympathy for the innocent lives lost and instead cackle like a stereotypical villain about how he was right all along. but then i was also super lost when the hells came to the conclusion ludinus only showed them the vision because he wanted the same power and lack of consequences to perform them as the gods.

and then it hit me. context is key. and what's the context of them being shown this orb?

ludinus wants to show them the darkest day of the gods abusing their power. but all they have seen of ludinus are his darkest days. this is the closest to a good day they have seen from him and i can guarantee if they'd stumbled upon this orb by accident or had been shown it by allura or anyone besides ludinus they'd be a little more understanding and less punchy. not fully change their opinions, though; i think if dorian or ashton were shown this in isolation their god-hating opinions would remain, fearne's ambivalence would remain, and the rest's shaky yet mostly positive opinions would remain. but since ludinus showed them this with the undercurrent of "you'll all trust and believe me wholly after seeing this!" he kinda shot himself in the foot. of course they assume the worst.

it doesn't make imogen a mean bitch laughing at his trauma and telling him it doesn't matter. it doesn't make orym a whiny hypocrite trying to lord his pain over ludinus'. it doesn't make chetney and laudna r/iamverysmart posters for bringing up the very real facts that he is oppressing people and harming innocent lives to "stop oppression and innocent lives being lost". it doesn't make ashton telling him he's just as bad as them a false equivalency because a bureaucrat "isn't as bad" as a deity. if ludinus is allowed to be upset for seeing the worst in someone demanding unwavering trust that has done nothing but harm them, then so are they.

this isn't me saying he's worse than the gods and they've done nothing wrong. they're equally oppressive, the hells even so much as admitted that the gods fucked up and "sinned".

and here's the kicker: i genuinely think that if they sat down and had a calm talk with ludinus, if they told him that the gods were not perfect and told him about firsthand stopping the colonization in issylra and delilah causing the apocalypse with her own god, if they gave orym 400mg of weed so he would chill for like ten seconds, if fcg was alive and told him that his pain was valid, if they were as kind and sweet and supportive as humanly possible to him... he'd still get fucking pissed at them if they didn't 100% agree with him.

he is not looking for a debate. he told them to make their own opinions on what they were shown but then got enraged when their opinions did not line up with his and then triggered delilah to rip herself out of laudna out of spite. i can sympathize with what happened to him, but i cannot sympathize with how he responds to criticism that does not immediately center and for lack of a better term, coddle him.

and i don't mean that in the sassy bnf post way like "this character is a bratty womanchild/manchild that needs to grow a pair", i mean it in the sense that this is the behavior of a person that was neglected so intensely that they take all criticism as a personal attack every time. it's a trauma response that's been getting worse and worse as the campaign goes on and his mental state has been getting worse due to outside forces triggering him. (eg: laudna and orym and imogen on the heroes' side)

ludinus is very, very hurt. fucking duh. he watched aeor fall as a kid and got told to suck it up as said kid. that'd fuck anybody up! so no matter what anybody says to him, if they do not validate his feelings immediately after he's shown them how he was hurt, he's going to hear them saying "fuck off, you're just whiny" no matter what they're actually saying. that's why he smiled at the orb because he'd finally been justified, and it's why he got so angry when the hells told him they refused to join him.

i'd also reckon this is why he's parentified liliana; the one person that did show him kindness and sympathy and he refuses to let her go just as much as she refuses to let go of him. he needs her not just as the vessel, but as his only "friend". i think that's why he wants imogen or fearne to join him. then he won't have to kill the only person who cares for him. it's a fucked up abusive relationship he's convinced himself is healthy because they understand each other like no other.

but of course, then what? what next? does he really want power? i don't think so, ludinus' ship has sailed. he just wants the gods dead and doesn't care what happens next. it's why he insists with no proof predathos won't care about anyone else asides the gods. it's why he's going to sit back and let the reilora conquer exandria. it's why if he fails, he doesn't care if everything burns down and the world is thrown into chaos.

if people refuse to see a world without gods, then only way out of this for ludinus da'leth is oblivion. and he's fine with that if they get taken out with him.