#also i’m currently writing a fanfic (because i am procrastinating to the next level)

[vivika-ka]

fixated on the fact that Luffy’s heartbeat is referred to as “drums of liberation,” which means Law not only held the divine instrument of freedom in his hands, he also healed it.

[muffinlance]

I am in awe. You have three WIPs that you update on a regular basis AND each of them is just as engaging as the next AND you manage to keep everyone in-character, if not better (I will never be unable to unhear Engineer Hanako or unsee Flying Lemur Squad’s plausible deniability). How do you do it??

Real talk time!

I have no idea.

For real, this is significantly faster than I have ever written in my life. Like. By a considerable margin. And I'm going to just go ahead and attribute it to,

(wait for it)

~The Marvelous Power of Procrastination~

Because I am currently making the move from kind-of-amateur writer to serious-face-writer. And I should be editing up that short story I'm sitting on, 'cause I'd really like to get another mag credit before I send out the next round of queries on Novel J (which has gotten full requests, but no bites yet). And I have two other novels lined up to query if that one flops, pending fairly minor edits that I should really be doing. And I've got the outline for my next one all prettified, and that one's middle grade so it's super short, and I really need to work it into my writing rotation.

'Cause.

'Cause I've mentioned this to a few people, but I rationalized starting each of these fanfics as craft practice.

Little Zuko: full novel outline practice. Holy shit outlining is so much better than pantsing for me. But I need to level up my thinking-at-the-novel-level game.

Towards the Sun: series level outlining combined with freeform scenes. 'Cause I'm actually getting pretty confident at the novel-level thing, so this is the next logical step, and 350k-ish is a nice reasonable word count to sandbox in. (And can I just take a moment to scream internally that I feel confident in committing to that kind of word count? 'Cause like, two or three years ago, I'd have been hyperventilating even contemplating that.)

Cheating at Pai Sho: completely winging it. 'Cause I am a pantser at heart, and fanfic is delightfully low stress. I just have a checklist of things I want to do, like 'pick up Toph', but I'm not actively making an attempt to outline the steps in-between. Just seeing where the pai sho tiles fall (I did figure out the Toph thing while writing that last chapter, and will start the groundwork in chapter 5. Go me!) But yeah, this is why you got 10k of adorable Lovecraftian cats and Zuko-Katara semi-shirtless bonding. I make niether excuses nor apologies, shameless fluff is shameless. This story is hella relaxing to write, and I'm getting the impression it's also relaxing to read, and you all deserve some me-time after making it through the Towards the Sun prologue.

Most importantly, these are all daily writing practice. They're fun and low-stress and if I'm not feeling one, I can bounce to another for awhile. I always knew I was physically capable of writing this fast, 'cause my typing speed is ridiculous, but I'd hit a creative limit where I'd feel drained and have to walk away for an-hour-a-day and those kinds of breaks are dangerous, that's when you lose your writing momentum and a day turns into a week turns into six months and what are you even doing with your life you failure you said you wanted to be a writer. And that is not a good headspace, as I think pretty much every creative person ever is cripplingly familiar with.

So these fics are my no-pressure no-stakes daily writing exercises.

And I accidentally proved to myself that I am capable of so much more than I thought.

And I am feeling real good about it, thanks to the wonderfully supportive feedback from all you FF reviewers and AO3 commenters and Tumblr fan arters and those amazing human beings writing ficlets for my stories. Like. Real good, is how I'm feeling. Like I can do this, is how I'm feeling. Like maybe I'm ready to stop hiding from my serious-face writing, and I can write so damn fast now I-know-I-can, so. So even if I work my serious projects back into the writing rotation, y'all should barely notice a dip in my fanfic posting speed. 'Cause I can do this. I really can. <3

In conclusion I love you all, thank you so much for the overwhelming support as I continue catopus-paddling through figuring out this writing thing.

This got long and rambly and didn't even answer the original question. To which the answer would be: practice your craft intentfully. You want to write engaging stories? Study the stories that captivate you and tease out what elements are pulling you in. There's a fuckton of nitty-gritty technical details that go into making things dynamic and engaging at the level of a sentence, a paragraph, a scene, a chapter, an arc, a novel, a series (I consider myself fairly solid up until those last two--hence why I'm using these fics to actively work on them). Characterizations and how to write voices that sounds distinct from each other but unique to themselves, likewise. When you read, don't just read--tease apart the material. Why do you like what you like, why is something not working for you, what would have improved this, what would you have done differently if you were writing it.

Also, take the idea of a muse and shove it. Daily practice, or as near as you can make it. Runners have to build their stamina over time; same thing with writers. Just 'cause it's a mental stamina doesn't make the fatigue any less real. Build it up over time, celebrate your victories, try not to backslide with the mental equivalent of laying on the couch eating potato chips and letting your writing-brain get flabby again. Get out for a writing-walk, everyday, even if it's only a little.

[svartalfhild]

2018, I Won’t Miss You

A.k.a. I call out this year for all the ways it fucked me over and reflect on a few good experiences.

This year was the first year I’ve ever had a smart phone, which ended up being pretty damn useful, even essential at some points.  However, the counterbalance was that I had to go through finding out how to live in a post-school existence, and that was not pretty, because it put me at all new levels of social isolation and uncertainty.  I stressed super hard about finding a new job.  I ultimately didn’t get one and lost hours at my current job because I thought I was going to be transitioning to a better job at a toy store, but they laid me off only a few weeks after hiring me to replace me with someone with better availability.  They said I could stay on as a “seasonal worker” but it’s past Christmas and I haven’t been asked to fill a single shift since they benched me in September, so saying I still work there is kind of a joke at this point.

The good news is, despite the stress of failing to get a better job, I’ve added art as an occasional source of extra income, starting with doing the cover illustration for a short story my mother published earlier this year and later with opening commissions to the online community.

My mental health didn’t have a super great year, though, especially in the first half.  On top of the job bullshit and the dealing with not knowing how to live life without school, I was feeling intensely bleak about my existence.  I was in an excruciating amount of emotional pain because of things I couldn’t control, and it festered because I had the free time to ruminate about how lonely and dejected I felt.  I hadn’t felt quite that bad in several years, actually.  It’s hard to compete with the shit I was going through in middle school, but this came alarmingly close. 

I think my biggest mistake was trying to force myself to be fine again as soon as possible when it took me a couple years to get past the shit that plagued me when I was 12.  I honestly think, though, that there was a little while there from about July to late September when I was coping pretty well.  I don’t know what happened in late spring to make that happen, but I was in a state of higher functioning for a bit in the summer.

The sad thing is that here at the end of the year, I am once again struggling with the same shit; I’m just a whole lot better with how that affects my behaviour towards other people now.  I do feel like I’ve learned how to better interact with people and shield those I love from the worst of my mental health nonsense.  In turn, I think that has greatly improved my relationships and made me less prone to beating myself up over the things I say.  Progress.

And hey!  I did manage to do some pretty rad things this year, despite all the crap my physical and mental health were hefting onto me.  I got on a plane for the first time and traveled by myself to Oregon to be with some of my closest friends, who I’d only ever known through the internet before.  We went to a convention together and had a really awesome time getting our asses kicked at AtlA themed dodgeball dressed as our DnD characters.  I went through a haunted house for the first time and found out that I’m too rational to be scared by a lot of that sort of stuff (but it was still fun).  I got to go to huge bookstore and see a first American edition of Fellowship of the Ring.  I think the best part of that whole trip, though, was just living with friends and getting a taste of what life without my family’s control could be like.  For once in my life, I trusted that everyone and everything was going to be okay, and for a few days, I was really happy.  Because of that, though, I spent a lot of the day that I left crying or trying not to cry.  Having so much of what you want and then having to leave it is...really upsetting, as it turns out.

But anyway.  I also managed to complete an application to grad school, so even though my whole Find A Good Job plan didn’t work, I still took a step towards some kind of life goal and I don’t have to have a total existential crisis just yet.  I don’t have high expectations about being accepted, but I do have some hopes and that’s something I can hold onto going into next year.

A lot changed with my family this past year.  Dealing with the wake of my grandfather’s sudden death was a major issue all year that seemed almost handled until my grandmother died just a couple months ago, which threw everything back into chaos and despair.  Death and loss have been an awful theme for me this year in general.  On top of my grandparents’ deaths, my dad’s best friend committed suicide, and a friend of mine, who I know to have been suicidal in the past, completely disappeared from the internet when I wasn’t looking, and I was unable to track her down to find out if she was okay.  Other friends lost people who were dear to them as well.  The world was ravaged by increasingly terrible disasters on top of that.  Needless to say, my empathy circuits are fucking fried.

Thankfully, life handed me some pretty great distractions from its bullshit, like an awesome DnD campaign and lots of time with assorted other TTRPGs, or numerous video games like Pillars of Eternity II: Deadire, Fallout 4, and Overwatch.  Netflix brought me countless hours of enjoyment, and my brother got me to watch all of Stargate SG1 with him, which I wasn’t super into at first, but it grew on me.  I started knitting again for the first time in years, because I love knitting scarves for people.  I did a lot of fic writing, but it wasn’t really fanfiction so much as additional content for my tabletop games.  Same goes for art. 

It’s been over a year now since I’ve posted any proper fanfic or fanart, which feels weird, but I think I’ve become so exhausted with the politics of being a fan content creator that I haven’t had the motivation for it.  It’s much easier to keep your passion for something going when you don’t hope to attract the attention of thousands of people, and instead you’re making things for a story you made up with your closest friends.  The only people whose attention you need to care about then are a handful of people who are already inherently invested.

Of course, that’s not to say that I don’t get sad about my work sometimes anyway, regardless of what I’m creating and for whom.  Depression is and has been a real dick this year, and it made me procrastinate on my grad app manuscript to the point where I had to stress years off my life cramming the creation of a 10k word original short story into a single month just before the deadline.  I managed it, though, and that’s the important thing.

I don’t know what to expect from 2019 except more nonsense, because there’s always copious amounts of nonsense.  Having high expectations, given what the past few years have been like, seems rather silly at this point.  I suppose what the new year shapes up to be will largely hinge on whether I get accepted to grad school in March or not.  If I do, then it’ll be a year of big change in my life, going away to live on my own in a different state.  If I don’t, then it’ll just be More Of Same, still living with my parents, working part-time at a shit food service job, looking for a new job, and tearing my hair out trying to get everything together for more grad school applications. 

One way or the other, though, I intend to try to finally get treatment for my mental illness.  I am tired of being like this and I’m tired of having my memory and focus abilities steadily destroyed by this shit.  If anything goes right next year, let it be that.

[ilovereadingandilovebreathing]

all of them :P

There’s LITERALLY 50 omg >_> Ah well, if I’m procrastinating, might as well go big or go home. Warning: LONG.

Finally, an ask-meme for writers!

01: When did you first start writing?

My first ever time writing stories was in 2nd grade; we wrote stories weekly in my class. The first time I began to consciously write and consider myself a writer was probably 8th grade.

02: What was your favorite book growing up?

Ahhhh so many. Series more than individual books. Starting from when I was really young, my iconic series were: Clifford the Big Red Dog, Henry and Mudge, Horrible Harry, A to Z Mysteries, A Series of Unfortunate Events, Nancy Drew, and The Chronicles of Narnia, to name a few.

03: Are you an avid reader?

Actual books? Not as much anymore. I’m too tired or busy. I read fanfics, though :p

04: Have you ever thrown a book across the room?

Where the Red Fern Grows lol one of the only books to date to make me cry. 

05: Did you take writing courses in school/college?

Writing-specific? No. 

06: Have you read any writing-advice books?

I mean, I had to read like MLA manuals and other “writing tips” books for school, so yeah, I guess.

07: Have you ever been part of a critique group?

Not like a real one, just in class in college

08: What’s the best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten?

I think the best feedback I get is on here, really! You guys are super sweet, and some of you offer some great concrete feedback! I can’t think of anything specific, but I also get really tickled when someone comments on my writing style. 

09: What’s the worst piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten?

Worst as in quality wise was “this was good.” or something like that lol

Worst as far as soul-crushing...ooo. Story Time!

Freshman year of college. I had to take this like early-level English class, and the focus was on nonfiction writing and stuff like that. My professor often picked apart my papers because he didn’t like my writing style, especially not my prose, because he said it was way too florid (flowery or wordy). That made me really sad, but then I had another professor who taught a senior level class who LOVED my prose, so. It’s all relative. 

10: What’s your biggest writer pet-peeve?

Mmmmmmm when people use the same word over and over and over again (which, I am so guilty of, so that’s probs why it bugs me haha) Also too many short sentences. I literally can’t read something if the syntax isn’t varied enough to flow.

11: What’s your favorite book cover?

OOOOoooo I like this one! But sadly I don’t pay attention enough to have an answer to this...Citizen by Claudia Rankine has a pretty thought-provoking cover. I also like the Penguin Classics cover of The Crucible. 

12: Who is your favorite author?

C.S. Lewis is a p cool dude

13: What’s your favorite writing quote?

Quote about writing? This was an important one for me as a growing writer and person, tbh:

“I deal with writer’s block by lowering my expectations. I think the trouble starts when you sit down to write and imagine that you will achieve something magical and magnificent—and when you don’t, panic sets in. The solution is never to sit down and imagine that you will achieve something magical and magnificent. I write a little bit, almost every day, and if it results in two or three or (on a good day) four good paragraphs, I consider myself a lucky man. Never try to be the hare. All hail the tortoise.” ~ Malcolm Gladwell  

This is literally me and the roots of my procrastination and anxiety with writing anything, be it fanfiction or school work. I worry too much about making it perfect the first time, but another great quote is: “The first draft is always perfect because all it has to do is exist” or something like that. It’s something I’m still working on, but have gotten better at.

14: What’s your favorite writing blog? c;

You mean besides mine :p haha JKJKJK I don’t follow any purely writing blogs, but I’ve read many GREAT pieces from (I missed SO many people in this, so I’m really sorry if I didn’t tag you. I’m too tired to go hunting too far.)

(Sanders Sides) ssides, random-snippets, tinysidestrashcaptain, stillebesat, pirate-patton, among others

(Soul Eater) smokeandjollyranchers, professor-maka, tsarodat, makapedia, kittenintheden, raining-down-hearts, earth-shines, sandmancircus, poisonedscarlett, among others

For non-fandom stuff, hawaiianmint and garnet-portrait have some great poetry that really makes my heart hurt.

15: What would you say has inspired you the most?

As far as writing, I assume....honestly, being involved in fandoms and writing fanfiction! I’m only where I am now because I read so many great writers and  adapted their good habits to my own. 

16: How do you feel about movies based on books?

I haven’t been a fan of a ton of books turned to screen productions, so that doesn’t help. I liked the Narnia movies until the Dawn Treader. I liked the ASOUE movie, and I’m still deciding how I feel about the Nextflix series. Other than those, I can’t think of any significant ones, to me lol

17: Would you like your books to be turned into TV shows, movies, video games, or none?

Books that I like or books that I write? Etiher way it depends on who’s directing.

18: How do you feel about love triangles?

Eeehhhhhhhhhhh overused trope that ruins otherwise perfectly good plots.

19: Do you prefer writing on a computer or longhand?

Computer. It’s so much easier. I won’t even pretend.

20: What’s your favorite writing program?

I just use Word, my dude.

21: Do you outline?

Not as often as I should, but it helps me a lot.

22: Do you start with characters or plot?

It’s give and take between both, usually characters, though.

23: What’s your favorite & least favorite part of making characters?

Favorite is customization and how no one can tell you that your own OC is OOC.

Least favorite is how involved and difficult it can be.

24: What’s your favorite & least favorite part of plotting?

Favorite is how much fun it can be to throw in twists and make it all interesting!

Least favorite is how I tend to overthink things or not be brave enough to really GO for something. Also research can suck.

25: What advice would you give to young writers?

You’re young. Don’t worry about being amazing at first. You’ll learn and you’ll grow. Online, ins a supportive community, is a good place to start. 

26: Which do you enjoy reading the most: physical, ebook, or both?

Physical 100% (I’d print out and read fanfiction that way if I could okay)

27: Which is your favorite genre to write?

Uuuuuuuuuuummmmmm fiction? lol

28: Which do you find hardest: the beginning, the middle, or the end?

Depends on the story, but usually the end.

29: Which do you find easiest: writing or editing?

Editing

30: Have you ever written fan-fiction?

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah yes. help me. 

31: Have you ever been published?

Naaahh

32: How do you feel about friends and close relatives reading your work?

Anything other than my fanfics: Shy, but ok.

My fanfics: NONONONONONONONONONONONONO TOO MUCH. EMBARRASSING. -Virgil Sanders 2k4ever

33: Are you interested in having your work published?

I mean maybe, but I’m not good enough, tbh lol

34: Describe your writing space.

My bedroom.

35: What’s your favorite time of day for writing?

I don’t have a favorite, but it often strikes when I should be doing something else.

36: Do you listen to music when you write?

Sometimes! Depends on what I’m writing and how tired I am.

37: What’s your oldest WIP?

I have a lot of things I never finished, but in this case, WIP means, to me, that I might actually finish it, so that would probably be one of a handfuls of old Soul Eater fics I never finished or posted lol

38: What’s your current WIP?

Just one????? LOL

“Patton’s Intuition” (Sanders Sides Fic)

“Virgil the (Semi-)Friendly Ghost” (Sanders Sides Human!GhostAU)

“Eggs and Black Coffee” (A Soul-Eater College!AU)

“A Rose by Any Other Name” (Another Soul-Eater AU)

“Bedside Manner” (Soul-Eater Hospital!AU)

39: What’s the weirdest story idea you’ve ever had?

Mmmmmmm I don’t think I’ve really had any weird ideas. I once thought of doing a Soul-Eater Avatar:TheLastAirbender!AU. 

40: Which is your favorite original character, and why?

I have a few original characters. I guess my favorites would be the twins, David and Preston, from a story I wrote in high school called “Buried Alive.”

41: What do you do when characters don’t follow the outline?

Go with it. 

42: Do you enjoy making your characters suffer?

No, but sometimes that’s just how the story goes.

43: Have you ever killed a main character?

Not actively in the story.

44: What’s the weirdest character concept you’ve ever come up with?

I don’t have one lol

45: What’s your favorite character name?

Cassidy

46: Describe your perfect writing space.

In the mountains, a sunny day, on my back deck

47: If you could steal one character from another author and make then yours, who would it be and why?

Oooooooooooooooo in the fanfiction world, I really love Marin’s (ssides) University!AU versions of the Sides. 

I really like the characters in The Book Thief, To Kill a Mockingbird, and East of Eden. I just really like the personalities and characterizations of those characters. 

48: If you could write the next book of any series, which one would it be, and what would you make the book about?

I’d start a new A Series of Unfortunate Events series about little Beatrice. 

49: If you could write a collaboration with another author, who would it be and what would you write about?

I’d love to collab with so many writers I’ve read on here.

Mmmmmm IRL though it’d be too embarrassing to try to write with a published author because I’d get too nervous and doubt everything I did.

50: If you could live in any fictional world, which would it be?

NARNIA

[confringo-]

2019 Goals

Am I supposed to be writing right now and instead procrastinating by penning a blog under the guise of “lubing up” my writing chops so I can be ready to write what I need to write today? 

Little Mix voice: Hell Yeah I Am! 

(Dances to Joan of Arc for three times.) 

Anyway, here are my goals for this year and they’re way more than I thought they would be, so I categorized them:

Health Goals

1. Lose 10 inches from my waistline by the end of the year. 

5 inches by June

5 inches by December

I went buckwild with the whole “goals need to be SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-Bound” thing. I’m not remotely fucking around this year. I’ve deleted my Tinder and Grindr. Literally no Fucking Around. Also, got no time for men. 

This is definitely something I’m gonna struggle with. I’m already not exercising and I’m losing days, but there is still the next day and the next day. Can’t be losing all those inches within a week. That would be unhealthy and I’m not about that. I’m not gonna lose weight just for the sole purpose of being pretty or so I can fit in my fucking clothes. I’m turning 25 this year. I don’t want to grow up regretting all the shitty food I’ve been eating and then paying for it in medical bills. No sir. I will not be a miserable old fuck who can’t walk around or climb stairs. I wanna be a miserable old fuck who CAN. 

I can already feel my hypertension acting up again and I’d rather not freak my mom out about it. I need to lose weight, and that’s not just society talking. 

2. Learn to cool 6 vegan meals (not snacks)

Again, I’m doing this thing where I need to be healthy. Also, I need to do this thing where I learn some actual domestic skills because growing up all comfortable with maids is not helpful anymore. I need to shape up and get some adult points. Can’t be level 5 adult forever. 

This means I need to learn 1 meal per two months. It’s not that fucking hard @ self.

3. Clean room while listening to a new Night Vale episode. 

The one sure way to know how deep I am in my depression is the state of my room. The state of my room also sends me into this self-destructive spiral of hate and lethargy. As it get dirtier, I get dirtier on the inside. Clutter begets clutter. Therefore, I will force myself to clean and declutter bi-monthly (eyyy 20biteen!!!) 

This will not cure me of the Sads but at least a clean room is something less to stress about. Unfuck The Year! 

Writing Goals

I’m dreading this already. 

1. Finish HSHL (His Smile, His Laugh) by June 30th, 11:59PM

Wanna hear something funny? I was meant to finish writing my outline on December 31st. Right now, I’m procrastinating from finishing it. LMAO ROFL. FUck Me. But hey, I made it a goal to finish it within the week and I’m on what I like to call “Act V” of the outline so I just need to focus. I’m not doing that now but I sincerely hope that by finishing this blog I’ll be all “lubed up” for it. 

2. Submit draft to AT LEAST 25 agents starting July 15th. 

Gotta do that break yo. One teacher at my grad school residency talked to us about SMART goals and this was one of them. Submit the draft, sure. But aim for something. 25 agents is a good number. I’ll do more if I have to. We did a project on finding agents too so I can’t say I’m wholly unprepared. 

3. Submit 3 stories to 10 journals/magazines 

Listen. I don’t want to have to play the game but Capitalism Makes Moral Compromisers of Us All. That said, I started a  writing twitter where I will be “networking,” something I’ve been dreading since I started grad school. Nevertheless, it’s a necessary evil. We are social creatures. Until such time I have fuck you money, I’m gonna have to do this. But also, I do genuinely want to support other writers. We’re all humans and I wanna do this thing where I tell writers about how much I love their writing. It will make me feel good that they feel good. Also, that’s good karma. 

But anyway, this is also a good way to stretch my writing muscles. Avoid burnout. Keep things going. Plus, it’s a good way of practicing how to be thrifty with words since most of these things require a Word Count Limit. As you know, and as you can see, I don’t know when to shut up. 

4. Finish “Julian’s Body” by February 28, 11:59PM

Guess who’s still writing Dalton fanfiction in 2019. This person! I’m like a few chapters away to the end. Might as well get it out of the way so that I stop feeling bad about it. 

5. Finish “Forgive My Weakness” by January 31, 11:59PM

Another fanfic to finish. The fanfic I’m procrastinating on Today. I’m almost kinda done. This shouldn’t take another week. I hope. 

6. Read at least one book/full lit mag/journal per month. 

Again, an easy in theory goal. I’m reading Three Dark Crowns right now and I’m loving it but I’m also not reading it so...fuck. However, this is something I should stick to because I just finished reading Autoboyography by Christina Lauren and it gave me all those nice writing feels. Reading fuels writing and it’s easy to forget. 

Work Goals

I’m quitting my current job in April. It’s no longer the right fit for me. I don’t want to get into great detail about these but I just want what’s best for my account before I leave it. 

1. Set up QA team by April 1st, 12:00PM

2. Set up monthly incentive program by April 1st, 12:00PM

3. Set up phone rep incentive by April 1st, 12:00PM

4. Do minimum 4 writing workshops at Spark

This city does not need a Creative Writing teacher so I need to make do with what I have. There’s this cafe that allows people to do drawing/calligraphy workshops. My friend said that I could do writing workshops as well so this is the plan for 2019. I won’t have a stable job, I fear. I hope I get something to push through but if all else fails, I’m gonna fight tooth and nail to get a teaching career going, even if it’s all super amateur. 

Money Goals

1. Get new debit card from BPI by March 17th, 12:00PM

Since I’m quitting my job, I’m also going to be losing my debit card so I need to set a new one up before I do so. Then this means I have to change my Amazon, my PayPal, my Spotify, and my Patreon and that’s gonna be sooooo annoying. 

2. Pay mom back for treadmill by end of year. 

I still owe her a lot of money and if I want to be rid of my guilt, I will have to finish paying her. 

That’s pretty much it. There are of course some resolutions I still have like talking to my friends more and helping my sister out with her current situation with our mom. (Not fun, super dumb, why she too christian for her own good.) But I didn’t put them in as goals because I haven’t figured out how to word them in such a way. Resolutions are tough to follow through because of the wording. Still, I want to improve my personal life but that’s going to be up to me. These are the most important goals I want to hit and I’m gonna get through them, sweat and tears and blood and all.

I’m afraid. 

I’m unprepared. 

I’m procrastinating. 

But you know what? I’m capable.