#also i think the reason azzi is going so high is because we are seeing who can shoot and who can't shoot

[the-physicality]

"tomorrow we find out where paige is going" .... .tomorrow we find out which team has a 99% chance of drafting paige

[imaginespazzi]

Part 1: Simple Things

Masterlist - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10 - Part 11 - Part 12

Cause your presence still lingers here (it won't leave me alone)

(In which a procrastinating writer starts another series to continuously procrastinate on)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Angst, Pining

Words: 5.8K (lowkey shocked I managed that)

TW: Swearing (I think that's it?)

A/N: Hello my lovelies <3 Look at me not being a liar! I'mma try to be good with updates but we all know me. This first chapter is mainly buildup and it's not my favorite but it's important to get the plot rolling. I know very little about California and it's going to become more and more apparent throughout this series so everyone who knows Cali, just pretend thanks! Did I edit? Yes. Are there probably still mistakes? Also yes. As always, let me know what you liked, what you disliked, and what you wanna see next!

February 2033

“Anywhere but GSV,” Paige says adamantly, staring at the white wall in front of her, instead of her exasperated agent. 

Talia lets out a deep sigh, perfectly manicured sharp red nails tapping incessantly against her desk. For the most part, Paige is a dream client and when Talia says jump, she says how high. It’s easy to trust Talia’s vision when she hasn’t let her down once since Paige’s management company has assigned her to their basketball sensation. But most of those decisions had been about endorsement opportunities, opportunities that wouldn’t have other ramifications on the rest of Paige’s life, opportunities that didn’t come with personal consequences. 

“Paige-”

“How about the Sparks?” 

“They’re not offering nearly as much.”

“I’m okay with taking a pay-.”

“You do not pay me as much as you do for me to let you finish such a stupid sentence.”

“Fine,” Paige spins around in her swivel chair, “you’re telling me nobody else is offering me anything as big as GSV.”

“Well I mean Indiana…” Talia trails off, barely able to hide an impish grin at Paige’s pronounced eyeroll, “and of course you could always just stay in Dallas.”

Paige winces at the mention of the current team. With one championship and two MVP campaigns under her belt, it would be incorrect to say her time with the Wings hadn’t been fruitful but she’d never felt quite at home here. And that had been before the personnel changes had hit Dallas and suddenly, the team coming off a near perfect season with a trophy in their hand, was struggling to keep themselves in playoff contention. Paige had stuck it out two more seasons after, a testament to her loyal nature and desire to start and finish her career at the same place like many legends had done but ultimately enough had been enough and she’s come to terms with the fact that she’s not meant to be a part of the Wings forever. 

“Can’t you try talking to the Sparks again?” she says, hands massaging her temple as she resorts to begging, “it’s fucking L.A. they’ve got to have some money lying around somewhere.”

“Even if they did, you and I both know the Sparks aren’t a good fit basketball wise either. GSV has everything you’re looking for. They need a PG and you need a championship contender who’s offering you a deal like they are. You can’t throw all of that away just because-”, Talia bites her lip, catching herself before she can vocalise out loud the real reason they’re having such a complicated conversation about what should be a simple decision. 

Paige swallows uncomfortably, skin prickling with that all too familiar fire that spreads through her veins every time her past brushes a little too close to her present. It would be impossible to keep them from ever colliding, but for almost a decade now, Paige has managed to keep them separate beyond absolute necessity. She’s done the cordial handshakes when the Wings played the Valkyries and given due diligent praise when the media had asked about the competition, but that was it. More than that would have been like willingly walking into a fire with kerosene all over her body. And Paige can’t do that, not when the burn marks from years and years ago, still haven’t healed. 

“Team chemistry is important,” Paige says finally, “I might be an on-court fit at GSV but that won’t matter if it’s a disaster off the court.”

Talia sighs and Paige can tell she’s fighting the urge to whack her head against her desk, “it’s been years Paige. You've lived a whole life without each other. The two of you are adults. You’re professionals and you’re two of the best goddamn players in the league. You have the same goal; you want to win. You don’t think you can put that behind you to get you both what you want?”

You've lived a whole life without each other

It’s like a well-aimed arrow that barely breaks skin but shatters something underneath, something buried deep within, something she should have gotten rid of years ago but hasn’t been able to let go of yet. Something that feels a lot like a forever she’d never gotten to live out and an always that had flown out of her reach. And Paige knows nobody lives the life they’d expected to live at fifteen or even eighteen but the truth is that most of her dreams had come true. The only thing missing was the person she’d expected to be there by her side when they did. 

“Okay listen,” Talia begins again, “here’s what’s gonna happen.”

“Bossy,” Paige smirks, bracing herself, knowing she’s not about to like the next words out of Talia’s mouth. 

“You’re going to go to San Francisco,” the older woman raises a silencing hand the minute Paige tries to protest, “you’re going to meet the front office, you’re going to meet the GM and you’re going to tour their facilities. And if after talking with them and seeing all they have to offer, if it’s still not enough to counter having to play with her, then we can revisit this conversation.”

“Can I say no?” Paige tilts her head with a sigh. 

Talia smirks and it’s enough for Paige to let her head finally hit the table, “your flight leaves in two days.”

***

Azzi wakes up to a light weight sprawled over her back and tiny fingers rubbing circles against her temple. She can’t help but smile, keeping her eyes closed and listening to the sound of her daughter’s quiet breathing as the little girl continues her ministrations. It’s a new skill she’s been taught, to wake her mom up like this instead of screaming. So far, Azzi think’s it’s been a successful transition. 

“Mama,” Stephie whispers in Azzi’s ear, “are you awake yet cause I really really want waffles.”

Azzi laughs, finally flipping herself over and Stephie squeals as she goes from on top of her mother, to landing on the bed, “I thought you said you wanted pancakes last night?”

“I did,” a thoughtful look crosses the five-year-old's eyes, “I think I changed my mind.”

“You think?” Azzi suppresses a smile. It’s uncanny really how she’d given birth to her perfect mini-me. The moment the nurses had placed the tiny little creature into her waiting hands, she’d noticed immediately how much it felt like looking through a door into her childhood. And with every passing day, it seems Stephie morphs more and more into Azzi. From the way her face betrays her every emotion to the way she can’t make a decision to save her life, it’s all Azzi and really it makes sense, because Stephie is all Azzi’s. 

“Yes,” Stephie nods matter-of-factly as she sits up onto her knee and pulls at Azzi’s blanket, “so can you get up and make me waffles now?”

“Oh of course I can, your highness,” Azzi says dramatically, rising off the bed and letting Stephie climb onto her back, “would you like chocolate sauce or maple syrup with that your majesty?”

Stephie groans, burying her face in Azzi’s neck as if her mother has asked her to make the most difficult decision in the world. They settle into their morning routine, Stephie brushing her teeth as Azzi goes through her meticulous skin care regiment, occasionally dabbing little bits of this and that on her daughter’s skin, eliciting soft giggles from the little girl. It’s her favourite sound in the entire world. Azzi’s life isn’t perfect and there’s a million what if’s, one bigger than all of the others, that plague her mind sometimes but then she looks at Stephie, and she knows she wouldn’t change a single decision she’d made. Because they’ve all led to this moment, 9 am on a Friday, making waffle batter as her five-year old sits on the counter-top. It’s not everything but it’s enough. 

The frantic sound of a door being haphazardly slammed open has both Stephie and Azzi startled, until Colleen comes bursting through it like a tornado. 

“Oh thank god you’re awake,” Azzi’s best friend and manager says, out of breath, as she throws her car keys on the kitchen table.

“Hi Aunty Leen,” Stephie grins, waffle batter all over her mouth as she continues to dip and lick. 

“Hey kiddo,” Colleen ruffles Stephie’s hair before sitting down and staring pointedly up at Azzi, “you might wanna sit down for this. I have news.”

“Sorry to break it to you Collen but your new h-o-o-k-u-p-s are not sit-down-newsworthy,” Azzi smirks as Colleen scrunches up her nose trying to keep up with the spelling. 

“Oh trust me Az, I wish this was about my h-o-o- whatever,” Colleen takes a deep breath, “GSV is meeting with a potential point guard this week.”

“I would hope so. We really need a PG if we’re gonna redeem ourselves next season.”

“Right, well- you see- the thing is-”

“Today if you can please Colleen,” but there’s this knot forming in the pit of her stomach. Her sixth sense that’s been dormant for years is prickling and if she’s honest with herself, Azzi knows the next words that are about to come out of Colleen’s mouth before her best friend has even said them. 

“GSV wants to sign Paige,” Colleen says slowly. 

For a moment there’s silence and it’s ridiculous how all it takes is her name for Azzi’s mind to start flipping through pages and pages of a photo album she’s buried deep in the treasure chest of her mind. And for a second, she allows herself to get lost in a flood of everything we could have been until the sting of her hand slipping against the waffle iron jolts her back to reality. 

“Fuck,” she curses, immedaitely blowing at her fingers. It does nothing. She should know by now that when things burn, the flames might die out, but even the ashes remain on fire. 

“Bad word Mama,” Stephie chides immediately, unaware that her mother’s world has just been thrown off balance, “you owe me a kiss.”

She juts her cheek out and Azzi complies, trying to ignore the way her heart is desperately trying to beat out of her chest. It only calms down a little when Stephie presses a kiss of her own against Azzi’s cheek. 

“Sorry sweetheart, mama’s bad, Here can you mix this batter for me,” Azzi whispers to the younger girl, distracting her child with something to do, before rounding on her best friend, “she can’t come here.”

Colleen sighs, getting comfortable in her chair, “unfortunately I don’t think you have much choice.”

“The h-” Azzi cuts herself off, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, “the haystack I don’t. This is my team and I don’t want her on it and I’m gonna walk into Ohemaa’s office and tell her exactly that.”

“Right and what exactly are you going to tell her when she asks you why you don’t want the best point guard in the league on your team Azzi? Your team, who mind you, lost in the finals last year because you didn’t have a point guard.”

Azzi flinches, gritting her teeth, both at the reminder of the loss that had happened not long enough ago and the fact that she couldn’t very well go into her boss’s office and blurt out the truth about a tragic relationship that had lived and died in secret. 

“It's a bad idea, the two of us- we’ll kill each other Colleen,” she struggles to string the words together, swallowing away the we already have that tastes like bile on the tip of her tongue. 

“Well you’re gonna have to learn not to,” Colleen says decisively, slipping from being Azzi’s best friend to her manager, “because you and I both know that if you want GSV to win another championship, you’re going to need her.”

“Are you my manager or GSV’s,” Azzi grunts, rubbing a tired hand against her forehead. 

Colleen smiles, “it’s the same thing isn’t it? What’s good for GSV is good for you. And we all know the two of you thrive on the court together.”

“We did. Past tense,” the admission falls like lava from Azzi’s lips, singeing the edges of her mouth as everything that she’d let simmer underneath threatens to bubble over, “there’s no guarantee we still will. Besides, it's all a moot point anyways because she would never agree.”

“Wouldn’t she?” Colleen cocks an eyebrow and Azzi groans at the rhetorical question, waiting for the inevitable other shoe to drop, “because last I checked, she’s flying into San Francisco tomorrow.”

***

Paige has a problem. A really big fuck i really want to be a golden state valkyrie type of problem. She’d fought it every step of the way since she’d landed in San Francisco. Something about the city felt like it was bursting with basketball. The drive from the airport into Oakland had been bursting with murals of the Warriors and the Valkyries and for a split second, Paige can see her own face up on the billboards in a #5 Valkyries jersey. She just doesn’t know if it she can imagine herself next to the woman in #35 again, the woman whose smile in the posters is exactly as she remembers it to have been like when it was pressed into Paige’s skin every night almost a decade ago. 

On top of that, Omehaa Nyanin had seemed to know exactly what made Paige Bueckers, the basketball player, tick. Every argument Paige had about why she shouldn’t be Valkyrie, the woman had a counter ready, as if she’d already anticipated exactly what the blonde would say. The Valkyrie coach had been even more prepared with videos of their offensive and defensive sets and how they fit in tandem with Paige’s own skill set, all ready to show off the minute she had walked through the door. It should be the easiest decision in the world to let herself just belong to this world that is screaming her name but there’s a rope around her waist trying to tug her back to safety, trying to tug her away from dousing her still-open wounds in salt. 

Sighing, Paige lets herself into what she’s been told is called the “chill area”. Coach had offered to give her a tour of the facilities herself but Paige had declined, asking instead for her former UConn teammate and currently Valkyrie centre Jana El Alfy to do the honours, desperate for a familiar face who knew her history to bounce her thoughts off. It clearly wasn’t what the woman had wanted, but considering she was trying to convince Paige to choose them, whatever the blonde wanted, she was going to get. Massaging her temples at this irritating predicament she’s unwillingly found herself in, Paige’s head rolls back against the back of the chair, eyes closing involuntarily. 

“You’re not supposed to sleep in here,” a tiny voice echoes and Paige almost jumps out her skin in shock. 

“Fucking hell,” she curses as her eyes fall upon a little girl who seems to have materialized out of nowhere, “shit kid, you scared me.”

The child scrunches her nose and Paige feels her heart beat start to quicken as recognition settles in. She knows this little girl, has seen her on the sidelines at countless games and just like every other time, all she can think of is just how much this child resembles the future Paige had once believed would be hers. 

“You owe me three kisses,” the girl says matter-of-factly, her tone so similar to her mothers. It shouldn’t surprise Paige, not when the kid has those same dark curls, those same doey brown eyes, that same nose scrunch.

“I owe you three kisses?” Paige repeats. 

The girl rolls her eyes letting out a sigh far too grave for someone of her age, “yes. Mama says whenever someone says a bad word around me, they have to give me a kiss. You said three bad words, so you owe me three kisses.”

“And what does Mama say about asking strangers for kisses?”

“Stranger danger duh silly,” the child puts her hands on her hips, tilting her head as she looks at Paige with a far too familiar expression, “but you’re not a stranger.”

Paige purses her lips, “I’m not?”

“You’re Paige Bueckers. I’ve seen you at Mama’s games and Nanna and Pops have pictures of you in their house,” she stops, staring accusingly, “you don’t know who I am? Did you forget me?” 

And Paige doesn’t know what catches her off guard more. The casual mention of a house that used to feel like a home, of people that used to feel like family or the fact that, that puppy dog stare still has the exact same effect on her that it did years ago, even if the owner of said eyes is different.

“Of course I didn’t forget you. You’re Stephanie,” Paige says softly, trying to muster a smile as she adds the last name, “Stephanie Fudd.”

“Stephanie Katarina Fudd,” comes the immediate correction, “but everybody calls me Stephie,” tiny hands wrap around Paige’s neck as Stephie climbs on to her lap, tapping a finger on her left cheek as she smiles up at Paige, “so now can I have my kisses?”

Slowly, Paige presses three featherlight kisses against the little girl’s cheek and when Stephie squeals in delight, she wishes she could record it. Someone somewhere is playing a practical joke on her, Paige is sure of it. Because all of a sudden, all the little things she’s been collecting as to reasons why she might just like the Bay Area are starting to feel insignificant in front of this one, in front of Stephie and her innocent smile and the way her free hand is curled around Paige’s neck as if she’ll hold on forever. And the world is definitely playing a cruel prank on her because Stephie can’t be the reason Paige wants to stay, not when her mother’s the reason Paige needs to go.

“Your Mama just lets you run around the building like this?” Paige asks, trying to focus on Stephie instead of the turmoil in her brain. 

Stephie smiles sheepishly, “well I was ‘posed to stay with Aunty Leen while Mama talks to Miss O but then Aunty Leen got a call and I was bored so I came here.”

It doesn’t take Paige too long to decipher that Miss O must be Omehaa, but she’s stuck on who the hell Aunty Leen could be. She’s distinctly aware that her skin has no right to prickle, her hands have no right to sweat, her stomach has no right to knot, she has no right to feel anything when it comes to Stephie’s mother. But jealousy floods through her anyways. 

“Who is Aunty Leen?” Paige asks and then mentally slaps herself for it. 

“Aunty Leen is Aunty Leen,” Stephie explains unhelpfully, “so Miss Buecks-”

“Bueckers.”

Stephie shoots her an unimpressed look, “same things Miss Buecks. Are you here to join Mama’s team?”

“I-” Paige scratches her neck, only slightly taken aback by the direct question, “I don’t know.”

“You should,” Stephies says decisively, “Mama’s team is the best team in the world and Mama’s the best player in the whole wide world.”

Paige can’t help but smile at Stephie’s loyalty, “so why does her team need me then?”

Stephie looks contemplative for a moment before she uses her index finger to beckon Paige towards her, “can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course you can,” Paige says, leaning her ear down so Stephie can whisper into it.

“Don’t tell anyone but you’re my second favourite player.”

Paige swears her heart feels like it might burst. She’s been plenty of people’s favourite player and it’s always been nice to hear. But somehow, all of that seems to pale in comparison to being Stephie’s second favourite player. 

“Why’s that a secret?” she asks softly. 

“Cause you play for the wrong team silly. I can’t cheer for not Mama’s team,” Stephie huffs and then her eyes twinkle, “that’s why you should play for Mama’s team and then I can support you!”

“Can’t argue with that logic,” Paige concedes, battling against the part of her brain that’s conjuring up an image of Stephie on the sidelines, cheering for Paige. 

“What’s log-ic?” Stephie asks. 

“Just means you’re a really smart kid,” Paige says, tapping the little girl’s nose. Her head is ringing with warning bells because this floaty feeling of belonging that’s encompassed in this little bubble she’s found herself in with Stephie is not one she’s allowed to feel, not now, not ever. 

“STEPHIE,” a shrill voice echoes outside and Stephie immediately dives into Paige’s neck, hiding herself in the crook of it as a frazzled woman bursts through the door. Her eyes soften when they fall on Paige and the blonde can’t help the caught expression that filters on her face. She knows she’s done nothing wrong; Stephie had been the one to find her after all. But perhaps it’s because she’s scared Colleen will take one look at her and see that tiny rebellious part of her that wants to fight what’s coming next, wants to fight the woman who’s going to take Stephie away from her. Paige isn’t one to get attached easily. It had only ever happened once before when she was fifteen and she’d just known that the girl shooting three’s next to her on the court was meant to be in her life in one way or another. But things had been simple then. Nothing was simple now. 

“Stephie,” Colleen says slowly, “what have I told you about running away from me?”

Stephie peeks her head out from Paige’s chest, a coy smirk playing on her lips, “not to do it? But you were boring me Aunty Leen.”

Oh that’s Aunty Leen, Paige thinks and she absolutely should not let out a sigh of relief at that but she does anyway. 

“I was on the phone for two minutes, Steph.”

“Two minutes too long,” Stephie counters and Paige has to stifle a laugh. 

Colleen rolls her eyes before holding out a hand, “well your Mama’s nearly done so we have to get going kiddo.”

“Can Miss Buecks come with us?” Stephie asks innocently and both Colleen and Paige freeze. 

“I don’t think-”

“I’m not sure-”

They both begin before their eyes flicker to each other and they can’t help but smile. It’s funny how relationships work, how one snapped string can cause a whole web to dissolve, no matter how hard everyone involved had tried to make it work. 

“I’m waiting to meet someone sweetheart so I can’t come right now,” Paige explains, “but maybe next time?”

And she shouldn’t add that last part, not when Paige should be devising an escape plan to never be in Oakland again instead of giving Stephie false hope about a next time that’s far from guaranteed. But it’s worth it for the way Stephie grins, staring at Paige like she’s given her the world’s greatest gift. 

Before Paige can say anything, the little girl presses her lips against Paige’s cheek and she swears she stops breathing for a moment, “I hope you choose to play for Mama’s team Miss Buecks. I think you’d look pretty in purple.”

***

May 2024

“I’ve figured it out,” Paige says triumphantly as she unceremoniously flops onto Azzi’s bed.

“Well hi to you too babe,” Azzi grumbles as she scoots over to give the other girl space. It’s unnecessary because the minute she does, Paige only moves closer, wrapping an arm around Azzi’s torso. 

“Hi baby,” she whispers before pressing a kiss against her girlfriend’s lips and pulling away so quickly that it leaves Azzi chasing after her. 

Azzi huffs and Paige laughs as she gets herself comfortable, resting her chest on the darker skinned girl's stomach, “I’ve figured it out.”

“Figured what out?”

“Our future,” Paige says triumphantly and Azzi can’t help but smile at the our as she intertwines their fingers together. It’s been years in the making and there’s nothing Azzi’s more confident in than those two words. Not everyone finds forever this young, but she’s certain they have because really she can’t imagine a life where they don’t belong to each other, a life where every night isn’t spent exactly like this. 

“And what do you see for our future,” Azzi asks softly. 

“Well it’s simple really,” Paige hums, “I’m going to get drafted wherever next year but the year after,  you’re definitely getting drafted to Valkyries-”

“I don’t know about definitely-”

“Azzi it’s rude to interrupt,” Paige sends her a chastising look. 

“Right of course,” Azzi nods solemnly, “continue.”

“As I was saying. You’re definitely getting drafted to the Valks and then we just have to wait for my rookie contract to be up and boom! I’ll join you in the Bay Area and we’ll be together forever and ever and ever.”

Azzi giggles, brushing her hands through Paige’s hair, “that simple huh?”

“That simple,” Paige promises, catching hold of one of Azzi’s hands to press a kiss to her palm, “it’s us Az, we’ll always be simple. Besides, I think we’d both look pretty good in purple.”

***

May 2033

The Valkyrie facilities are state of the art as expected. Jana is the perfect tour guide, pointing out everything she knows will garner Paige’s attention. As they step foot onto the practice court, Paige feels the overwhelming sense of this could be home that’s been dancing along with her every step of the way today. All the resolve she’d carried with her from Dallas is slowly crashing down and she can practically hear Talia’s sing-song i told you so voice echoing in her head. 

“You’d be really good here P,” Jana says excitedly, doing a little spin.

“You’d be lucky to have me,” Paige teases, as she picks up a basketball and subconsciously starts dribbling. 

Jana laughs, before a serious expression takes over, “we would. We got really close to winning it all last year and I think you might be our missing piece.”

“I want to,” Paige confesses, “I just-” her eyes flicker to the most recent MVP poster hanging on the walls, Jana’s gaze following hers, “I don’t know if I should. It’s so complicated.”

“Only if you let it be,” Jana says as she swipes the ball out Paige’s hands, “don’t think of everything else P, just- just think of the basketball. Because you know basketball-wise, this is the right move,” she passes the ball to Paige with a smirk, tilting her head towards the basket, “why not take a shot at it P?”

Paige shakes her head, palming the ball in her hands, “can’t believe my son’s all grown up.”

“Children of divorce have no choice but to grow up,” Jana says gravely and Paige laughs despite herself. 

Taking a deep breath, Paige raises the ball, arching her arms perfect as she shoots it. It barely touches the rim, before falling through the basket with swish. Hitting the floor with a quiet thud, the ball rolls until it’s stopped by someone's foot. Behind her, Paige can hear Jana cheering for the shot but she barely registers it, her entire attention on the new figure who’s just entered the court. It’s a tale as old as time. Azzi Fudd enters the room and suddenly everything else in Paige’s peripheral fades away, until it’s just her and the girl who still manages to steal her breath away. 

“Nice shot,” Azzi says, as she takes a slow step towards Paige. The air is thick with tension as if a time capsule has been opened and their past is leaking onto the pages of their present, staining it with marks of the you and me that we used to be. She should say something, even if it’s just an acknowledgement of the compliment but her tongue feels dry and she’s scared that if she opens her mouth, all the things she shouldn’t say will flood out instead. 

“Hey Az,” Jana’s eyes flicker awkwardly between her former teammates, “I didn’t know you were coming in today.”

“Had to talk to Omehaa about a couple of things,” Azzi says airly, eyes still fixated on Paige, “Jana can we have a minute?”

“You won’t kill each other will you?” Jana asks nervously.

Azzi laughs and even Paige cracks a small smile, “no Jana, we won’t kill each other.”

“Just making sure because last time-” Jana clamps a hand to her mouth as both Paige and Azzi flinch, “because nothing- you guys- you guys talk. I’ll give you guys a minute.”

She scampers away cursing to herself about putting her foot in her mouth and it would be amusing, if not for the fact that Paige can still barely breathe. They haven’t been alone in a room since last time and the air around them hangs heavy with the casings of the grenades they’d hurled at each other. 

“I’ve never seen you with braids this early in the year. They used to be your summer braids,” Paige remarks slowly. It’s a mundane change to notice but it’s significant of the larger truth, significant of all the time that’s passed, significant of the fact they don’t know these new versions of each other. 

“Yeah um, can’t really do summer braids with the W season,” Azzi chews at her lip.

“Right yeah- yeah that makes sense,” Paige nods. The awkwardness is killing her. She’d never been a fan of the silence, always more comfortable in the chaos but it had been different with Azzi. There had been something peaceful, something calming, about the quiet, when it was just the two of them, hands intertwined, eyes closed, as they listened to the sound of each other’s heartbeat. 

“Paige-”

“Are you here to tell me not to come to GSV?” Paige blurts out, “because it’s- it’s okay if you are like I get it. I mean- the two of us- it’s just really fucking complicated so I get it- I get it if you don’t want me here.”

“I didn’t,” Azzi admits and it shouldn’t, but Paige feels it sting anyways, “you’re right. You and I- there’s just a lot there and it would- it would be really complicated and when Colleen first told me I- I was gonna go fight Omehaa and be like abso-fucking-lutely not but-” she sucks in a deep breath, “do you remember the promise we made to each other?”

“We made a lot of promises to each other,” Paige says, unable to keep the harshness out of her tone, “sorry I-”

“No you’re right,” Azzi swallows, “but I meant the promise we made when we first started dating. We said we’d never let the personal affect the professional. We promised each other that no matter what, we’d never let our relationship affect us on the court And I know- I know we’ve broken a lot of promises to each other,” they both let out a breath at that, “but I think- I think maybe we should try and keep this one.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you need a championship contender and GSV needs a PG. Paige, I’m not here to convince you to not come to GSV, I’m here to ask you to join our team,” Azzi says resolutely. 

Paige isn’t easily shocked by anything really. She’s lived what she’d consider a pretty interesting life but of course if anyone was going to surprise her, it would be Azzi. Azzi, who has always been an exception to every rule. 

“You- you want me on your team?” Paige repeats, a little dumbfounded.

“Yes,” Azzi affirms, “you told me once that we could be the best backcourt duo in college basketball and we were, even if it was only for a year, we were and so now I’m telling you that I think we could be the best backcourt duo in the WNBA.”

Paige is silent for a second before a smirk takes over her features, “I think I did a lot more than tell you, pretty sure I had a whole video that proved it.”

“Are you asking me to make you a recruiting video?” Azzi raises an unamused eyebrow. 

Paige shrugs, “could be a nice gesture.”

“I have a five year old child, Bueckers. Trust me when I say I don’t have enough spare time for bullshit like that when you can easily just search up our highlights on youtube. Or just look in your trophy case if you’re looking for proof of how good we can be together,” Azzi says, a hint of that familiar sass bleeding into her spiel. 

“We really were good together weren’t we,” it spills out before Paige can stop it and it’s like they’re taking two steps back from each other, the friendly-ish banter of mere seconds ago being clouded by a past tainted by their mistakes, “on the court I mean. We were really good on the court.”

“Right,” Azzi averts her gaze, “just- just think about it okay? This doesn’t- it doesn’t have to be about you and me, not like that at least. It’s about basketball. GSV is the perfect fit for you and you’re the perfect fit for us. And deep down you must know that too, otherwise you wouldn’t be here.”

“Maybe I’m just in it for the free trip to Cali,” Paige surmises. 

Azzi scoffs, “you and I both know you make too much money to need a free trip to Cali. If anything, the hotel they’ve given you is probably cheap for your standards.”

“Maybe I just like feeling important? I always did love people showering me with praise.” 

“You always did love the attention,” Azzi grins teasingly, “but there’s one thing you always loved more.”

You, Paige thinks but she can’t say that, “and what’s that?”

“Winning. That’s what this is about. You want another championship, so do we. Come help us and let us help you. It’s that simple.”

As Azzi turns to walk away, Paige can’t help but call out from behind her, “you know I think your daughter’s pitch might have been better.”

There’s a smile playing on Azzi’s lips when she turns her face back a little. It’s a new smile that Paige can only assume is Azzi’s Stephie smile,  “yeah? What did she say?”

“She told me she thinks I’d look good in purple,” Paige smirks. 

Azzi laughs, and it’s exactly like Paige remembers,  “it’s that simple huh?”

“It’s that simple.”

[respectmyfrench]

Reasons Why I think Azzi will be a top draft pick

1. Her quick release. Her pretty shot. That high release is what I love the most about it. Her calmness through it all. Before she got injured, she was working on her spacing and movements in play which was seen in a game against Texas (https://youtu.be/WkpDcVeWME8?si=RmleTQeLKtLb31Ft). Her behind the arc shooting has improved (https://youtu.be/lzmMXGvJhXc?si=tbscjdhv1gQb8dsi) Her defense is also good. Good arm length and athletic build. She has good ball handling skills. An amazing off ball player. She needs to go crazy with her shooting this year and I think she can do it. I truly believe she’s one of the greatest shooters and she just needs to prove it to y’all because I know 🤷🏾‍♀️ lol. https://youtube.com/shorts/beOVqydEo3A?si=05uqnQYQQ76EMpwL this was a month ago btw.

2. It's interesting that people say she might not be ready to join the league because she's not prepared for the physicality but I disagree. I think people underestimate her because she's a pretty player lol but she's also very strong. She's training with the best of the best from Chris brinkly, kelsey plum, to steph curry and under Armor etc. She handles contact well. Have y'all seen her new media pics? I know you see the increased muscle definition. She'll be alright. I actually think she’s in the best shape of her career right now https://youtu.be/EmEO5aweU2Y?si=VCmBVCzqWAMYmXjC

3. I don't write people off for injuries. Gabby williams, also a huskie, tore her ACL twice. Sue Bird, another huskie, a dawg! Brittney Sykes, big hooper. Dijonai Carrington had 6. SIX knee surgeries. I know y'all see her hooping. I think Azzi will be available to play early or mid December.

4. Her mindset. She's super resilient and a fast learner. that's the type of player coaches love. If she keeps the same determined mentality she has and take the pressure off herself, she will be great.

5. Her marketing pull. Let’s keep in mind that this is also a business. You have to be really well off for you to not consider the amount of fans and sponsorship Azzi can bring to the team. She is extremely marketable and already has a large amount of endorsements not to mention she has the Steph Curry co-sign. Are you really letting someone Steph Curry co-signs any chance he gets go second round?? Pls be fr.

Work it out

Now with that being said, there are things she can improve on. We gotta keep it real with people we want to succeed right? Okay. So Azzi tend to overthink sometimes. You can see it when she misses some shots sometimes, she gets in her head but she has seemed a lot less tense in general recently which is great, I wouldn’t want her to feel pressured or stressed this season. I noticed how she didn’t let anyone decide her song choice for first night which may or may not have been a statement about not letting outside noise get to her🤔🤔I’m probably thinking deep into it lol but yeah. She seems more chill. Just go out and do her thing. Also I would love her free throw percentage to go up. When she’s hot, she’s hot. The threes start flying. More great shot selections will be her bestie this season. I truly believe for her to be amazing, she needs to separate herself from Paige (on the court). Hoop Politics on tik tok made a great point saying that she has to stop deffering to Paige. She can’t always look to Paige to bail her out or look to Paige when she sees her. She has to be more aggressive just like Paige has to be more selfish. https://youtu.be/kzbA4avszQw?si=64Cj6uDgAEwHp6D8 that pass from nika to azzi 😮‍💨whew too good. That quick release! Y’all see her on the court without Paige though? I’m seeing playmaking, floor general, all types of leadership. She needs to find a way to keep this energy while her and Paige are in the backcourt. Both of them playing like this is easily a 30 ball for both each game🤷🏾‍♀️ congrats to 2025 big east champs UConn pretty much

Last thoughts

So final thoughts. Azzi is a top draft pick. Top 5 if she gets out this year. If she waits another year, I believe she’ll be top 3. The main reason I would want her to stay another year is so she can have practice leading a team and play more to get even more fit. Also to go on a championship run. I would soak up all the knowledge I can from geno while I still can. If she stays another year she can also prove she can stay healthy which of course also looks good. Ultimately this depends on her though and what she feels ready to do. There’s also the option to go straight overseas like Hoop Politics mentioned which I think also could be a good for her and then she’d be a top pick the following year.

So boom. Y’all been asking me in my messages for a while for me to post this. I appreciate that lol here it is.i hope it didn’t disappoint. My next one will be on Aubrey griffin, one of my top fav defenders in the ncaaw🤝🏾 https://youtu.be/LmMq57NUr4I?si=ACHa1cGo8nY7KB0p

[pazzibueckets]

I agree it wasn't a good game for her tbh. I mean, we all know what she can do offensively. However, like the other other Anon said she impacted the game in various other ways. No she didn't score as much but she also didn't need to, and we ended up winning the game by 30+ ..... we played UConn team basketball and took what the defense was giving. Why force more shots if we're already up and what we're doing is already working? That's the reason we want a deep bench so that when they send the double/triple teams, there are other offensive options.

now I do think she was starting to find her groove, but then Azzi went out, and it was kinda bleh (from her) after that.

A good team win is something we should be happy about! I'm sure Geno will get on them for mistakes, but this is a good win.

I agree that she didn’t need to but also we shouldn’t NEED her for her to score more than 8 pts. Because what happens if we’re in a situation where we need her to drop 30? Obviously she’s more than capable but if she’s in a rhythm of being more laid back and just distributing how easy will that be for her to turn on in a high pressure situation. And also she knows how to get everyone else going and get them great looks but she has to be that for herself. I think she’s just excited to have a team she doesn’t have to carry (with the help of Lili) but I don’t want her to become complacent. But yeah we’re very blessed to have a good team and god willing everyone stays healthy and our current injured players are able to return. I’m proud of Paige no matter what tho. I’ll be her #2 supporter (behind Azzi ofc) through the good and bad games. She has the weight of the world on her shoulders and there’s no tutorial on how to navigate that. But I also want to see her accomplish her goals and she has to be at her best in order to do that.

[secretbondsandloveconfessions]

All Bastards Are Brothers

Just a series of kinda fluffy, kinda angsty one-shots about the brotherly bond between Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel. Stories are not connected.

Ao3:

Part 1: Knowin’ My Fate Is To Be With You

Azriel shows up to dinner one night with a hickey, leaving the Inner Circle full of questions. Rhys and Azriel have a heart to heart.

“Az, what's that?"

Mor asked. He traced her glance back to the crook of his neck where, after a moment of thought, he remembered the dark purple bruise given to him only a few hours before. He quickly covered it up with a wisp of shadow and feigned innocence.

"What's what?"

"On your neck there." She pointed at the shadow. "Was that a bruise?"

"There's nothing there."

"Bullshit, move your shadows."

"I don't think I need to, there's nothing there."

"What's going on down here?" Cassian turned to face them. This could only go downhill from here.

"Azriel has a hickey," Mor said, her voice chipper and mocking.

"I do not."

"Then why won't you show me your neck?"

"Why won't you believe me?" He shot back. He was always ready to accept a challenge, and as Mor stuck her tongue out at him, he did the same.

Cassian watched the two curiously before clearing his throat. "You know, Az, before you go all defensive, you should know you're blushing." Shit. That wasn't good. He could feel his face heat up faster than he anticipated. He didn't dare look at Elain, but he felt her heavy gaze. Her very own blush was likely brushing down her pale skin as she watched him get berated for the mark that she left.

"Fine." Azriel removed his shadows and hissed. "It's a hickey."

"I knew it!" Mor cheered loudly, gaining the rest of the attention of the table. He faced Cassian again, who had a feline smirk. "Who?"

He kept his mouth shut. Any name would be a lie—one that Mor would be able to sense—and he wasn't about to bring Elain down with him.

"Second one this week," Cassian said. "I think Azriel has a side piece."

"Second one?" Mor raised an eyebrow at him, and Azriel wanted to cringe at the memory of the training earlier this week. His face felt hot. If he had blushing before, he had to be scarlet by now, especially after Cassian walked over and pointed to the place between Azriel's wings, causing Mor to squeal with delight.

Azriel had chugged the rest of his wine by the time Cassian sat down again and cursed the Mother for his luck.

"Neck and the wings? I didn't know you had it in you, Azzie," Cassian teased. Azriel weaved the shadows around him further, wondering if he should just winnow away at this point.

"How long has this been going on? Do we know her?" Mor asked. "OH! Is it the female who hit on you at Rita's?"

Azriel kept silent, refusing to answer either of his friends' remarks. Though that only seemed to spur them on more.

"Azzie, she was a hot one, no wonder you kept her for yourself," Cassian followed, and Azriel braced himself as the blonde opened her mouth again, but it never came.

"Alright, leave him alone," Rhys intervened. "He's one snigger away from disappearing into the shadows forever."

Cassian and Mor protested, but he only raised another hand.

"You never stop them from mocking me," Cassian mumbled. "That's all I'm saying."

"You make yourself a target, boy." Amren chimed in.

Mor laughed loudly at that, before pouring both of them another glass. Azriel was thankful for the subconscious reaction and the change of subject.

However, he only got a few moments of peace before he felt Rhys's warm presence ask to enter his mind, and despite his better judgment, Azriel let him in.

I'm impressed. Rhys purred into his brain from the other side of the table.

Fuck you.

More like fuck you if we're going with the evidence.

What do you want?

Let's chat tonight. Rhys vacated his mind, though not without leaving in his mind a picture of Azriel's own face, thoroughly red and sheepish, and a mocking laugh. He knew Rhys wouldn't be his savior tonight.

———

Azriel would be lying if he said he wasn't nervous, so as he knocked on the open door of the study, he pressed his lips together and grimaced.

"You wanted to talk?" Azriel asked.

Rhys nodded, leaning against his desk. "I did, and I do."

Feyre sat next to him, absorbed in a pile of paperwork, and if Azriel was about to have the conversation he thought he was going to have, then he definitely didn't want her there. He sent a pleading look to Rhysand, who, much to his credit, understood. "We'll go out to the balcony."

With a kiss to Feyre's head, his High Lord led him out to the private deck, and the anxiety in Azriel's stomach soared, his shadows swirling around him.

"I'm assuming this is about earlier."

"You're seeing someone," He stated, watching as Azriel nodded. "And I had no idea. You didn't tell any of us, which makes me think that Amren's assessment was true."

"What did Amren say?"

"She muttered something to me about you being the only male she can stand because you hide every aspect of your romances. She was wrong, Az. You've kept them out of the spotlight, but you've never lied about being with them, not like you did tonight. It made me wonder, what makes this one different?" Azriel remained silent, unwilling to answer his brother's question. Luckily, Rhys answered it for him. "I can only think of three reasons why you'd keep the identity of your lover secret."

"I see you've put a lot of thought into this."

"It's not often that you take extra measures with a lover." A valid point. "I want you to be happy, brother, truly, so please don't hide yourself from me—you have a record of doing that, you know. Will you promise me that you won't lie about anything?"

"Will you promise not to tell the others?" Azriel asked him, quietly. "You can tell Feyre, I wouldn't ask you to keep something like this from your mate."

"I swear it on the graves of my mother and sister."

"I won't lie to you then." A fond smile crossed Rhys's face.

"Good, well, I want to make sure this person is worth it, so I'll start by asking, is this secret lover worth putting the strain forward?"

"Yes," was all he could think to say. He didn't trust himself to say anymore. Rhysand's smile got bigger, spilling over into his violet eyes, and Azriel felt himself blush a little once more. Rhys was always the most sentimental out of the three.

"Good. I'm glad they're worth it. Now, I have questions. Number one, you're ashamed of this person."

Azriel looked up in alarm. "Why would I be ashamed?" Cauldron, he would scream it to the entire Night Court that he loved Elain Archeron. The entirety of Prythian if he had to.

"I thought that maybe you had gotten tangled up with someone you shouldn't, like a Spring Court Lady, or a human, or I thought for a long moment, that maybe she wasn't a she after all..." Azriel raised his eyebrow at the last one.

"What?"

"Well, it occurred to me that I didn't know if you took males in bed, and then I started thinking, that if you really hadn't wanted us to know, you could and would hide it very well. I'm not here to judge, but if you say yes, then I feel like this chat will get a little more heartfelt than intended." Rhys rambled on, scratching the back of his neck. Azriel almost pitied him.

"I've never taken a man to bed, Rhys, and I do not plan too."

"Okay, good because I was lousy at talking to Mor about that."

"...and she's not lesser fae either."

"All right then, number two: is this a protective 'She's my mate' scenario?"

"No, I don't think we're mates."

"Are you sure?"

"Most people don't find their mates, Rhys," Azriel reminded him, masking the annoyance in his voice. Just because both he and Cassian found their mates didn't mean they all would.

"True. Number three: she's someone we know. In that case, my only question is how sweet, flower growing Elain is able to bruise an Illyrian."

Azriel gaped at him, demanding. "How?"

"The only person redder than you at dinner, which, by the way, was the highlight of this decade, was dear sweet Elain. Feyre told me that she thought Elain too innocent to hear it. I didn't quite think so."

"Are you going to have this little chat with her also?"

"Oh, I think she'll suffer enough from her own embarrassment than to have me do it again. Besides, you're more fun to torture."

"Can't you go tease Cassian?"

"We both know why I can't do that..." Rhys said candidly, and Azriel didn't dare to be hopeful that Rhys would drop the subject. Rhys's small frown turned into another smile soon after, and Azriel swallowed. "You hardly ever have anything for me to talk about anyway. I need to utilize this situation to its full potential. In fact, after you inform my mate of my win, I'm going to ask her to paint your lovely face...you remember the one?"

Rhys sent the same picture of Azriel's blushed face. Azriel rolled his eyes and spoke. "Shut it, Rhys."

To his surprise, Rhys did, choosing instead to turn towards the railing and look over the glittering lights of Velaris. Azriel did the same and took another sip of his wine.

"When do you think you'll tell everyone else?" Rhys said after a moment.

"Oh, I don't know, I'd rather have tonight fade from their minds before I say anything, though I suppose that's rather optimistic of me."

"I don't think Cassian and Mor will let that go, brother, but you can deal with them."

"Well, then there's always Nesta...And I'd rather not have my cock ripped off of my body."

Rhys cringed. "She's going to be a hard one to convince, my sympathies lie with you."

"My only hope is that she and Cassian can distract each other."

"Again, optimistic."

"True," he said cordially before quickly adding, "But I suppose it's up to Elain, really. She's much more conservative in these matters."

Rhys scoffed, "The irony in that statement. You two are made for each other."

"Excuse me?"

"Don't bullshit me. You do the same exact thing."

"I do not," Azriel insisted, crossing his arms over his chest defensively.

"Az, when's the last time you had a quick fuck?"

"Wh—?" Azriel sputtered. "That's none of your concern."

Rhysand gave him a long look before he turned it into a sickening grin. Azriel wanted to slap it off his face. "You were saying?"

"Go fuck yourself," he laughed.

[wolfhednn]

— skills analysis.

so i did one of these for sety, though i didn’t cover all of the available skills on him because i haven’t had the time to build all that hc yet. even though we know felix’s skill layout, i’d still like to take the time to lay out my ideas about his abilities or lack thereof in greater detail. essentially just putting down on paper the thoughts i’ve had for a while, for my own safekeeping. things get jumbled in my head sometimes y’know.

buckle in, this got really long.

sword ( boon. )

lance

axe

bow ( boon. )

gauntlet ( boon. )

reason ( bane. | budding talent. » boon. )

faith

authority ( bane. )

heavy armor

riding

flying

— sword. felix, obviously, loves swords. it’s interesting to consider how he takes so strongly to swords when the kingdom mostly specializes in lances. from dimitri’s supports, however, we know that everyone still receives sword training, and i’d argue that learning to wield a sword is the most basic weapon that everyone is taught before moving onto lances, or other weapons types as desired. we see evidence of this in felix’s remarks which point to dimitri still training with a sword despite the lance being his main weapon:

Hurry up and cage the wild boar. Look, he’s losing his grip. Even in his swordplay, he’s getting sloppy.

so the sword is kind of like weapons basics, much like learning basic piano even as a singer so that you can find your notes for yourself. though i believe felix received training in other weapons growing up, he always came back to the sword when others may have transitioned into favoring something else. give him a lance or axe and he’d know the form and some basic techniques ( see: blacksmith’s errand ), but he’s no expert.

in his favoritism for the sword, i think people have probably commented that he resembles kyphon, who was known for wielding a blade rather than faerghus’ usual lance as well.

— lance & axe. briefly touched on above, but he knows the basics, lances more so than axes because the lance is pretty much faerghus’ thing. a lot of his experience with lance technique at least in recent years actually comes more from countless sparring matches against his friends who prefer them, especially sylvain, who, unlike dimitri and ingrid, doesn’t favor swords at all ( thanks azzie for confirming this! ) felix, who learns much better by doing and practical experience, has subconsciously picked up stuff about lances just from watching and fighting constantly around those who use them.

axes, though he doesn’t mention them ( as far as i’ve found, anyway ), he’s probably also been trained in, again going along with my hc that faerghus nobles get the basics in pretty much everything at a young age. however, he gravitated away from it pretty early due to its style — slow and heavy — being the exact opposite of how he prefers to fight. he finds them generally unwieldy, especially when he doesn’t like the bulkiness of wearing heavy plate that usually comes along with using them. that being said, he’s not bad at axes ( hence it not being a bane ) — it’s felix; the nature of his upbringing and genetics means he’s likely not going to suck at any physical weapon — but he’ll pass on them if there’s anything else to use.

— bow. felix’s bow boon comes straight off his instruction request to specialize towards sniper class:

As with the sword, I was trained in the bow from a young age. I have a good grasp of it, but there’s always room for improvement. Might be a good time to work on my aim.

again, i think part of this comes from my idea of faerghus nobles being trained in all weapons ( or maybe it’s just a fraldarius tradition? felix says it’s everyone, but considering his skewed view of kingdom attitudes, it’s reasonable to also take his words with a grain of salt ). but part of it i think also comes from hunting as a common noble pastime in the kingdom: felix talks about it, as well as dimitri when he mentions that rodrigue would frequently take him hunting. and the bow, of course, is the primary weapon used in hunting, hence his receiving training in it from childhood.

his talent in it, i think, comes from repeated practice and his passion for hunting, which as we know is one of his likes. right out of the box, felix wasn’t born with a natural gift for archery like he was the sword, but his love of hunting as a sport had him continuously training and refining his skill with a bow.

— gauntlet. this one’s pretty easy: it points to felix’s self-made fighting style that throws aside conventional chivalric combat expectations in favor of whatever needs to be done in order to win, even if it means resorting to “underhanded” tricks or cheap shots. 

Knights ought to have some hunger. I’ve always thought so. They depend too much on their swords. Only when they’re wrested away do knights consider their hands and feet as weapons. That’s not how it was for warriors of old. They weren’t limited by their tools. Victory is what matters, not the method of achieving it. That’s the attitude to adopt.

i think the incorporation of hand-to-hand combat is actually something he first picked up from glenn, who, while knightly, wasn’t afraid to land a punch in the middle of a spar to stun his opponent or trip them to gain the upper hand. he constantly encouraged felix to be similarly adaptable in battle, to never get comfortable with the status quo, always be thinking on his feet.

over time, that, along with pieces of technique he picked up and continues to pick up from others over the years, got refined into what is now his own unique fighting style, tailored just for himself.

— reason. so i’ve thought a lot about this, and i’ve come to the conclusion that felix’s bane in reason is not because he’s bad at magic, but because he, as he tells us, has no interest in it. ( we’ve all had that one subject in school where we have a knack for it, but just... no interest LMAO. ) 

coming off of my headcanon that felix’s mother comes from a branch of house gloucester, this means that strong magic genetics are in his blood ( gloucester was the bishop of the ten elites ). rodrigue also has a high talent for magic ( he’s a holy knight, but in my experience with him as an NPC, he tends to favor his faith spells over using his lance, which has led me to headcanon that he’s actually stronger in magic than he is in physical weapons. bishop » holy knight instead of paladin » holy knight, if you will ). 

combined, this means that i think both glenn and felix had a natural talent for magic — glenn 100% a dark knight — which becomes reflected when felix is convinced to actually put the effort into studying reason, thus revealing it to be a boon.

i think this is supported in-game in that, despite it being a boon for him, felix only ever learns two reason spells: thunder and thoron. unsurprisingly, they are both spells with high damage and crit potential, and give him range options. thoron supplements his swordplay nicely by giving him yet more range, thus opening up more opportunities for him to close the gap to his enemies and kill. seeing as he only picks up reason for the purpose of augmenting his swordmanship:

I have never been interested in magic, but I do recognize that a swordsman who understands it has an advantage over one who doesn’t. Help me hone my skills in reason, in addition to the sword.

it makes sense that he would stop after learning enough spells to accomplish his purpose for studying reason in the first place. he’s still not very interested in magic, but he does take to it surprisingly well.

— faith. felix is not particularly religious, but he’s not disdainful of religion either. however, both rodrigue and glenn, in my hc, had boons in faith magic and were very strong in it. felix’s lack of strength here i believe comes again from disinterest, as well as the fact that he’s probably just never tried it. he doesn’t really see a reason to. i don’t think he has the natural talent for it that glenn and especially his father do — that gift for it skipped him — but he’d be able to cast as well as the next person if he put work into it.

a worthwhile note to make here is that, whereas rodrigue’s faith spell list focuses on offensive magic ( his main spell in-game is aura, and i hc that if he were playable, the rest of his spell list would be similar: nosferatu, seraphim, abraxas ) and i hc that glenn’s faith spell list is similarly offensive-focused, felix’s in-game faith spell list is entirely restorative magic. aside from nosferatu, but pretty much everyone who learns a faith spell gets nosferatu.

felix gets heal, restore, and recover, which i intend to remain faithful ( heh ) to if i have felix take points in faith. and while at first glance this may seem contrary to his ‘ all fight all the time ’ nature, i think it actually subtly points to his underlying motivation for pursuing strength: being able to protect those he cares about. felix’s biggest motivator is being strong enough to make sure that he doesn’t lose anyone again like he did glenn, and killing enemies isn’t always going to cut it. as he grows to realize that ( hello dimitri and toa!sylvain development showing him that fighting something doesn’t always solve the problem ), he develops an appreciation for healing, too.

— authority. felix’s, for lack of a better phrase, one actual weakness that stems from a detriment in ability, at least where skills are concerned. as the game tells us through his personal skill, it comes from a lack of desire to work with others. he doesn’t like to be responsible for other people, doesn’t like to have to worry about other people, and doesn’t like to have to rely on other people. felix highly prizes his independence and his self-reliance. he believes he’s stronger when he’s on his own.

i think that felix is also just, for this reason, bad at leading people. ( see: birds of a feather. ) he doesn’t have the patience for it, and doesn’t have the patience for other people’s incompetence, doesn’t like to repeat himself or explain his thoughts and ideas. if people get him, great. if they don’t, he doesn’t really care.

interestingly, despite his glaring weaknesses in charisma and diplomacy ( which carry over into when he becomes duke, too — his people respect him as a leader because he naturally wants to do what’s best for the people under him; his policies are very domestically-focused and he’s going to fight hard for the interests of those counting on him, but not because he’s particularly good at raising morale or rallying public support ), felix isn’t bad at the strategic part of being a military leader. in fact, his ingrid support tells us he’s surprisingly good at military tactics for someone who has 0 interest in strategic planning:

Ingrid: Well, the conversation got quite lively. We all began breaking down the viability of your somewhat maniacal plan. And apparently, similar tactics have been used to turn the tides of historic battles. Felix: That may be an exaggeration. Successful armies must be able to handle unexpected situations. That starts with weapon mastery and creative tactics. Ingrid: If you didn't have so much battlefield experience, you wouldn't be capable of such unique strategies. Which is why we need people like you—people who think creatively—to lead the army.

this is further supported by the fact that, in his paired ending with dimitri, he takes a leading role as dimitri’s military adviser when he becomes king. felix is good at knowing what to do on the battlefield; he just doesn’t have any interest in being in charge of that stuff. as he says ( possibly the only time in canon we see felix being modest about his abilities ):

I don’t know the first thing about strategy. Just how to use a sword.

— heavy armor. touched on this a bit earlier in the axe section, but heavy armor isn’t felix’s thing because agility and mobility is. the most armor you’ll see him wear is a heart guard, though i do headcanon that in the post-war period as duke, he actually does wear a jack-of-plate to protect from any unforeseen attempts on his life. 

the only exception to his aversion to heavy armor are shields, which he of course learns how to use in order to wield the aegis shield. in toa!verse, i plan to fluff shields as his narrative progression through the heavy armor ranks rather than through actually... wearing armor ( though i think he definitely sometimes trains rock lee style with weights in order to improve his speed ). hilariously, this goes somewhat out the window in the end when he does actually wield the aegis shield into battle because half the time, he just wears it slung over his back ( as seen in his in-game battle model ) rather than how a shield is supposed to be used. the aegis shield is mostly used for its pavise / aegis barriers anyway, and not as much to deflect actual attacks.

— riding. doesn’t mind it, but has never gravitated to it or had much interest. despite both rodrigue and glenn being mounted units ( rodrigue moreso; he’s better on a horse than he is on foot ), felix prefers being on foot, relying on solely his own skill and temperament, rather than having to account for what his mount might do at any given moment and protecting it as well. he has nothing particularly against horses; just, lukewarm.

— flying. much like riding, felix is equally ambivalent about pegasi and being on one. there are a couple differences here though: one is that i headcanon that heights make felix..... not afraid? but slightly uncomfortable. he doesn’t have a phobia of heights, but the inherent danger of being high up in the air, the possibility of death simply by nothing more than a fall, doesn’t sit well with him. it’s something he’d be able to get more comfortable with over time, though.

the other difference is that pegasus knighthood is inherent to his bloodline. the original fraldarius was a falcon knight, and i headcanon that kyphon was also a falcon knight ( take that, gender-locked fe classes! ). if not for his ambivalence about mounts — unlike many others who like to bond with their mounts and form deep friendships, i think that felix would probably always see his as animals of war: to be well-cared for, of course, but probably not like, deep bond or anything — and his discomfort with heights, flying might have been a strength through his bloodline alone, particularly with him having a major crest.

[antarestyl]

PTA Sans – The one where there is an PTA meeting. Again.

Azzy got a lot to think about and figure out for himself. School might help. But before that, we have a PTA meeting. Remember when this was about PTA meetings?

Some of the stuff Linda and Sans talk about is a product of some headcanon talking on the Soriel Discord. The people there are really great and were a big reason for me to get to write on this again. *waves at all of them*

Warnings: Talking about human biology stuff, PTA Linda, emotions, Azzy’s issues with Asriel, Toriel, Asgore and Flowey.

AO3 Link

Quiet honestly, Azzy was still trying to figure himself out at this point. But one could argue that every kid is figuring themselves out growing up so going to school with Frisk and the other children would be good for him. After all, he still WAS just a child in a way... he was just a bit death and then soulless for a while.

…maybe he shouldn't ever say that one out loud.

  Anyway, school it was for him and he couldn't be happier. Frisk had told him all kinds of fun things about school. Teachers and lessons and breaks and friends. They also had told him about Toriel who was a great teacher, about Undyne and her soccer practice, about Sans who would sometimes substitute for a science teacher and be super embarrassed about it.

  They told him about sitting outside at good days and watching the rain on bad days. They told him about lunch period and about the cookies and muffins Muffet had delivered for lunch and how that one lady Sans was arguing with often would always look really funny when she looked at the fine baked goods.

  They told him about their family too. About how Mettaton would sometimes pick them up. About how Papyrus would make them lunch sometimes. About how Toriel was their mom and Sans a strange mix between dad and uncle and therefore a dunkle. They told him about Sans taking them to soccer practices, about how happy Sans was looking now-a-days. They told him about Papyrus being really good with magic and in charge of safety when they were together with Undyne. They told him about Asgore too, how awkward it was sometimes between him and Sans and Toriel but also that they tried their best, that they were friends again.

  Honestly, all of this made Azzy's head spin but in the best possible way.

  A lot of that stuff was stuff he kinda knew as Flowey already or had been told by Toriel and Asgore. The first conversation between all three of them was... really strange to be honest. Strange and very uncomfortable.

  Azzy still felt a strange mix of regret and happiness and sadness thinking of the conversation.

  Seeing Toriel for the first time as Azzy was hard. He had all of Asriel's memories after all, remembering calling her mom and cuddling to her soft fur, eating her pie and helping getting snails from the garden.

  He remembered loving her, feeling comfort just looking at her, feeling safe and cared for and warm.

  The feeling was missing.

  It was not “nothing”, like being Flowey but the total certainty of love and comfort was just missing. Oh, he still liked her, he still would trust her with his well-being, but she just... was not his mother. Not a part of his new soul.

  That didn't mean it couldn't be anymore, of course. Azzy was sure that he could learn to love her like a mother again. It would take time and patience and would require making new memories for himself and to separate them from Asriels memories and feelings, but it could be done. Still, Azzy was more than a bit disturbed by his own feelings when first seeing her and the conversation after that was not helping that much.

  Toriel hadn't cried. Her eyes got watery but she didn't cry. She did hug him tightly, even after Azzy gently told her that he wasn't her Asriel anymore, that Asriel had died a long time ago.

  “I know.” she had said. “I know. A mother feels when her baby is gone. But let me pretend for a moment?”

  And Azzy didn't had the heart to deny her that. He whispered to her that Asriel still loved her, that he had loved her all the time and that he had been sorry to worry her so much. It seemed to be the right thing to do.

She had held him a good while, while Asgore was silent during the whole thing. Azzy kinda was glad that they had sent Sans, Frisk, Papyrus and the others outside after the initial explanation was finished.

  The hug ended finally and well, they all knew about the giant elephant in the room.

  “So... you are not Asriel,” was the first Toriel said after she dried her eyes off a bit. “so who are you now?”

  “I... honestly don't know yet.” Azzy said, looking at his leave-like pawns. “Frisk gave me the name Azzy. I am a new soul with Asriels and Floweys memories. Everything else... I gotta figure out now.”

  “That is a really mature answer.” said Toriel and Azzy just could nod at that. “And I thank you for telling me.”

  “... I am not your son anymore.” said Azzy quietly, better to do it now than later. “Asgore was involved into making this new soul for me but he isn't “dad” as I knew him as Asriel too. He is different and you are different and... and I am really different. You should know that.”

  Toriel nodded. “What do you want to do now?” she asked. “We could still be your parents...”

“I... want to stay with Asgore for a while.” whispered Azzy. “At least for now.”

  “Why?” asked Toriel, not able to keep the hurt completely out of her voice. Azzy didn't know if it hit him more to know that she was hurt or that she was unable to hide it.

  “... it's nothing against you.” he tried to explain. “I still got all the memories of Asriel and he loved you and you were his mother and... and it just feels wrong in the moment.” He paused, struggling to put all of this into words. “The emotions just aren't the same now and it kinda feels like I am stealing you from this... memory of Asriel. With Asgore it would be easier in the beginning because I can feel his love that was part of creating this soul but... yeah. I need time for anything else.

Also... sorry but you live together with Sans. I... I got nothing against him now but... I did a lot of very bad things to him. And he to me to stop me. Uhm... don't hold that last part against him, I pushed and pushed at him until he snapped and at that time I really thought it didn't matter at all what I did but that is no excuse. He does remember a bit of the stuff and I nearly all of it and... it would be really bad if we would live under the same roof now.” he looked down, unable to look at Toriel. “I just... want to figure some things out for now. Live a life on my own. Be Azzy. Until I am good enough to... you know, apologize and make up for it. To you too.”

  “... will you let me visit you?” asked Toriel softly.

  “... of course.” said Azzy, smiling. “I am just not living here but... I want to get to know you again. All of you, it that is okay.” “Well... then there is nothing more I can say on that matter.” said Toriel. “I am very proud of you... Azzy.” She looked up to Asgore, a lot of unspoken things still between them. “Tell me if you need anything.” she said to him, voice gentle and soft and for the first time since they sat down that day, Asgore smiled a bit. “I will. Thank you Toriel.”

  “No, thank you Asgore.” she said. “Take good care of your son.”

      Asgore and Toriel told him a lot of stuff too, but that was more serious. They told him about education, about human-monster interactions and how Frisk somehow managed to make the humans not fear the monster. They talked about how happy everybody was, how hopeful.

  Toriel, with a wink, told him that more little monster souls were formed in the few years they were up here than in the last ten years down there. The new Hope the monster were feeling did all of them good.

  The humans seem to be really interested in keeping things peaceful for the most part and Frisk kept working hard to keep up the good relationship between monster and humans.

  It all sounded like a dream. Sure, Azzy, as Flowey, had had the chance to learn some stuff while he was with Grillby and the two other flame elementals and their happiness sure was obvious. But to think that it really was this good? It was so strange. Weird even. But also nice.

  Still, he felt a kind of awe when he looked at the school where Frisk was dragging him too, their hand holding his little paw tightly.

  One more bonus of walking on two legs, apparently: he was able to hold hands. That was nice. Really nice. Frisk turned to him, grinned as if they could read his mind, and winked.

  “Gaaaaaah!” made Azzy (really smooth there, boy, he thought to himself just a moment later), blushing with a deep purple and Frisk laughed in their airy high-pitched giggle.

  “Welp, looks like you kiddos have fun.” said Sans, waiting for them at the school. Azzy huffed a bit. It was so unfair that Sans could teleport. He was still behind them with Toriel when they started walking! And now he saw Azzy being all flustered. Unfair. All of it.

  Sans laughed when he noticed Azzy's glare at him.

  “Awwww come on, lil' lion.” he said, winking too. “You gotta work on your roar but it was a pretty nice effort already.”

  Azzy huffed. Frisk laughed again and Toriel put her big paws on both of their shoulders.

  “Alright, my children. Let's go inside.” she said smiling and Azzy was still kinda conflicted about being called “my child” by Toriel. But he still nodded and followed Frisk inside.

  “... I now kinda wish my dad was here too.” Azzy mumbled to Frisk and Frisk finally let go of his hand to sign.

  “He would have come but there was an emergency he had to attend, remember?”

  “Yeah, I know.” mumbled Azzy.

  “And you still got me and Sans and mom here... well... mom has to go to some stuff before but she'll be there after a bit too!”, Frisk signed out happily and almost too fast to follow for Azzy.

  “Uh... okay?”

  “Don't worry, Azzy. It's going to be alright.”

  And Azzy... well... he believed them.

      Sans sighed a bit when he dropped down on his seat, Frisk and Azzy beside him. PTA meeting. Again. To give a very very abridged and human-friendly explanation of Azzy and how he would join the school next week.

  Sans really wished that Toriel was here but she had a meeting with another class she had to attend to so there was nothing he could do.

  Maybe he could stall a bit? There were other things on the agenda...

  “Woah, Sans! Nice to meet you again!”

  Sans looked up and smiled a bit when he saw Steven and Pia standing in front of them, both of them grinning brightly.

  “Hey guys.” Sans greeted them. “How is it going?”

  “Fine, fine... it was boring without you.” said Pia. “Like, really. Uhm... it's nice to see you back.”

  “You brought your kids?”, asked Steven, looking to Frisk and Azzy. “Hi there.”

  Frisk giggled and waved and Azzy frowned a bit.

  “I am not his kid.”

  “Ah.. sorry...?”, said Steven slowly.

  “It's complicated.” said Sans slowly. “I uhm... will explain later. Azzy here is Asgore's kid.”

  “Ah, well... uhm... welcome?” Steven really looked a bit uncomfortable now and Azzy waved a bit at him.

  “It's alright.” he mumbled, shaking his head to shake his pedals out a bit.

  “Well... okay.” mumbled Steven before turning to Sans. “So... anyway, it's really nice to have you back. Linda and the strange Mrs. Smith is driving everybody nuts.”

  “Who is Mrs. Smith?”, asked Azzy.

  “Somebody who is inspecting the school.” explained Sans. “I don't know her but Papyrus and Toriel told me about her.”

  “Well, Mom's school is great so everything is fine, right?”, signed Frisk.

  “Heh... of course, kiddo.” said Sans, petting over Frisk's head. “It's all right, you'll see.”

    And things were pretty good at first. Linda was there, yeah, and she was her irritating self but it was more like comfort than grievance at this point. Like after facing his past, bringing back a dead monster prince and having several serious breakdowns in the last weeks... Linda was kinda that kind of problem Sans could smile at.

  Nothing like some heavy breakdowns to shift the world perspective back to where it should be huh?

  So Sans stepped into the heated discussion going on right now with a big smile on his face.

  “Linda, there is something I don't understand...” he begun and Linda rolled her eyes at him.

  “Oh look at this, the skeleton doesn't understand something.”

  “Hey, despite having no brain, I got some PhDs.” chuckled Sans and knocked on his head. “This numskull here understands a lot more than SOME people with a brain.”

  Linda was actually growling at him while Steven and Pia giggled softly. Sans could see Frisk leaning over to Asriel (no, Azzy, scolded Sans himself. He should respect that name-change!) out of the corner of his eyes, signing something a bit too quick for him to understand.

  “What are you going on about then?”, huffed Linda.

  “I don't understand what the issue with the biology lessons is now.”

  “What is there not to understand?”, huffed Linda, crossing her arms. “Children shouldn't be subjected to... to you know, THIS kind of human biology.”

  Sans blinked at Linda. Linda started back.

  “Uh... I really don't understand.” he said slowly. “Are we talking about pooping or something? I mean I know humans don't like talking about it but come on, they gotta learn how food gets processed and it's kinda new stuff for monsters because we don't have that whole squishy stuff going on inside us.”

  Pia was now openly giggling and even Frisk couldn't suppress a small laugh,

  “It's the same about the toilet thing, honestly, I still don't get that either.” continued Sans, smirking a bit but still playing the fool. “I mean for something you don't like talking about you make an awful lot of noise about this...”

  “THIS IS NOT ABOUT POOPING!”, screamed Linda finally, prompting everybody in the room to break down with laughter. “URGH, we can never discuss anything of importance here!”, continued Linda, raising her voice so she could still shout over the still-laughing crowd.

  “Well, it was kinda important for monsters to know what the bathroom is for humans, you know.” said Sans, winking. “There would have been so many misunderstandings and hilarious incidents ...”

  “WOULD YOU SHUT UP ALREADY?”

  “Nah.” said Sans, winking. “I thought we were having a serious conversation here?”

  “I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE SEX ED.”

  Sans fake-gasped. “Linda! Not in front of the children! Think of the children!”

  Linda made a strangled-sounding noise of pure rage and Sans saw several dollar bills change owners.

  Yes, it was good to be back.

  It took some time until everybody had calmed down so Sans could talk again.

  “But seriously, what is the issue with that?”

  “Well, it's unnecessary, especially for children so young. It will corrupt them!”

  “Uhm... aren't you a parent?”, asked Sans, blinking.

  “Yes?”, huffed Linda. “What does that have to do with...”

  “Shouldn't you, like, talk to your kid from time to time about that stuff too?”

  “What...?”

  “I mean, do you want them to live in a bubble? You humans are obsessed with that kind of thing, or at least it seems to me like this.” said Sans with a shrug. “I mean they will learn about it someday, Why not get facts and stuff before they learn from anywhere else? I mean, I DID look through the Internet from time to time and as much as I don't have a clue about human biology, some of the stuff there doesn't seem to be even do-able...”

  “W- would you shut up about his?”, hissed Linda, face still in a deep red shade. “They shouldn't be taught this is school yet! They are way too young!”, hissed Linda.

  “Linda, we are talking basic sex ed in their sixth grade.” huffed Sans. “There are kids that go through this weird puberty thing you humans have at that time. They have to learn somehow, at some time in some way.”

  “You want to teach them about sex!”

  “...did you even READ the thing?”, asked Sans confused. “They are not getting taught about this sex thing, they are getting taught about your biology and sex kinda is a part of that.”

“It will encourage them to... to DO stuff!”

  “We teach them about war in history and I don't see them fighting and about the moon landing and you don't see any of them building rockets.” huffed Sans. “They are kids, they still think of each other as icky.”

  “So it's way to early.”

  “What, about the messy stuff?”, asked Sans. “Yeah maybe, but we are not teaching that. We are teaching that humans are mammals and how they reproduce. Like, knowing what bit is called what, the use of it, some health stuff... and yeah, what this sex thing is and what it's good for. They need to know the basics so we can build up on that when they are a bit older. But they should at least understand where human babies come from.” He frowned a bit. “Honestly, what DO you do when one of your kids get a sibling?”

  “It still should be in the hands of the parents.” huffed Linda.

“Yeah, so, when do you plan on telling and teaching that stuff to your son?"

  “NOT NOW!”

  “Thought so.” huffed Sans. “But look, this is not about... your strange hang-ups about this kind of thing. They need to know some basic things. And it's important for monsters too. We just... don't GET all of this but maybe this way we at least understand why you humans are all so weird about some stuff and not about other stuff. We teach magic and the science of souls after all too.”

  “That... urgh...” huffed Linda.

  “It really would clear up so many misunderstandings.”said Sans, winking. “I mean, just a few months before you all up in my face because of that one class I taught...”

  “You were taking off your shirt in class!”

  “Yeah, to show the kids how ribs are connected to the sternum...”

“That is super indecent.”

“... Linda, I repeat what I said the last time, I am all bones. There is literally nothing here. I am not just a human in a costume.”

  “It is still indecent!”

  “Well, and that is why we have to learn it, because none of us Monsters can understand stuff like that otherwise. And in an inclusive school like this, we gotta work together, right?”

  “What are they talking about?”, whispered Azzy to Frisk who grinned and giggled at the dialog.

  “Mom tricked Sans into being a substitute teacher. He did it a few times since then. Last time he was supposed to teach the bones of a human to the kids and used himself as a display. He always gets a weird look when he looks at the display skeleton that is meant for that stuff.” Frisk signed almost too fast for Azzy but he got the gist of it and giggled.

  “And why is that human lady so against that?”

  “Many humans insist very much on clothes. It's all still a work in progress. And Sans and Linda are always going against each other.” Frisk pointed at Steven and Pia. “Those two sometimes bring popcorn.”

  “Nice.” chuckled Azzy.

  “If you really are so against it, you can take it to the school committee I guess...” said Sans finally and shrugged, the topic getting obviously stale for him.

  “I demand that we take a vote.” hissed Linda. “Everybody in favor to demand leaving the sex ed out of sixth class raise their hand.”

  Some of the monster parents that didn't have hands looked at Linda a bit flatly but even the humans hesitated. There were a few raised hands but mostly the others seemed to be in favor of keeping the biology lessons as they are.

  “Well I think that settles then.” chuckled Sans.

  Frisk and Azzy also giggled softly at Lindas face who now looked like something nasty was passing through her stomach.

  “And after all of THAT stuff... how about something better, huh?” chuckled Sans and pointed to Azzy. “Azzy here will be a new student in Frisk's class.”

  “H...hey!” squealed Azzy, a bit overwhelmed when suddenly all eyes turned to him. “Uh... yeah, I'll start... school soon.”

  “Hey there.” said Pia, waving while Steven smiled nicely at him. Linda looked like she wanted to say something but a look from Sans brought her back to silence. Finally she just huffed.

  “If Mrs. Smith comes to grill your behind, fine.” she spat out. “I'll keeping it in the protocol that I protested.”

  “Yeah. Sure.” said Sans, waving with his hand. “You do yours.”

  The rest of the meeting was pretty mellow all things considered. Azzy was kinda bored but it WAS interesting to learn about stuff that went on in the school behind the scenes.

  In the end, Toriel came to the meeting too, explaining some changes that will happen around the school. A new indoor swimming pool would be built soon so they could offer swimming lessons for humans and monsters alike. Undyne apparently was very happy about that. There were some minor things too like that the cafeteria menu will be mostly monster food now because it seemed like humans didn't get harmed by it and it didn't trigger any allergies in general. A few teachers would leave, new teachers and staff would come and Toriel also announced that Mrs. Smith would continue her inspection of the school for the next weeks still.

  “Why does the inspection take so long?” mumbled Azzy.

  “Mom said it's because we are the first monster-human-school... they want to be really sure everything is going well. But it is and will be and then there will be lots of schools like this.” signed Frisk with a nod and a spark of determination in their eyes. Azzy just smiled and shrugged.

  Most likely, this won't concern him too much.

      When the meeting was finally over, Toriel drove him home again. Azzy felt a bit awkward saying goodbye to Toriel but decided on a small hug and a “thank you” before running to Asgore.

  “Hey, hey, son.”chuckled Asgore as he caught Azzy with his arms. “How was your day?”

  “It... it was great.” said Azzy. “... dad.”

                In the void there was life. A soul-beat and magic crackling around an almost finished soul, glowing brightly in the otherwise endless darkness. There were thoughts and emotions and abstract concepts.

  Where am I?

  Who am I?

  Why am I alone?

  My name is... my name is..

  I want.

  I need...

  I want to go home...

  Not yet, not yet.

  They knew they were almost there. Just a little bit more. The memory of somebody needing them, somebody calling for them kept them going. Just a bit more, just a bit more.

  Another piece clicked into place. Just a tiny bit longer.

[azzyfree]

The best thing I’ve ever done is stop caring about my appearance.

When I was 2 years old a cyst was found growing on my intestines. This may have been the start of my appearance problems. Because even if you are overweight or hairy, at least you could show off your belly button at the pool and no one would care, because it's a fucking normal inny or outty belly button. But of course that wasn’t an option for me. I have a 4 inch long scar that goes from my belly button down from the surgery. When I was little other kids had a tendency of poking it and the thing is- it's not even like normal skin where you can touch it and you feel it as being outside of yourself. When you touch the scar it feels like you are touching my guts. It’s GROSS , incredibly disgusting and painful, and it kind of makes my belly look like a butt and I HATED it. Here I am, going to a babysitters at maybe 4 years old and already I am DIFFERENT from the other kids VISIBLY. besides also speaking spanish instead of english in an english speaking nation.   Thing’s got worse in elementary school. Back then I had a square face, chubby cheeks, besides being very much overweight. I was often made fun of by being called a boy or generally ignored in the playground but the worst of it was these pair of girl’s I was friends with throughout much of elementary school.    The first one (I’ll call Girl A) I knew since kindergarten and she was fine,but  the other (I’ll call Girl B)  moved to my school. Since she was new she tried to force herself into every friend ship possible, and since we lived on the same street we were just friends by default. Now I should have you know that Girl A, didn’t come from a wealthy family, but she wasn’t poor either. Her family was on the higher end of the middle class spectrum and always dressed rather well, and got to go to all the cool sports things, and always got the brand newest of things all the time. I remember she got a gamecube first and we would all go over to her place to play it. Girl B was middle, middle class but her mother dressed her like she was born to some rich-ass family and she acted the part.     Now me, back then my parent’s were just scraping by. My mother was an immigrant taking classes at the university and didn’t work, while my dad had a full time job in the government that JUST BARELY paid for the house and food. What clothing I got were usually made by my mother or my grandmother, or bought from thrift stores and the like, so very rarely I got a BRAND NEW thing. Now I don’t know if this was a fad everywhere but in my school when I was around 8 years old and it was the early 2000s, EVERY girl in my school wore a fuzzy white jacket. I don’t know how this fad started or why but for some reason it was a thing, and they were fucking ugly but it didn’t matter because that was the fad, that all the cool kids were wearing.GIRL A got her fuzzy white jacket first and I remember her coming to school and showing it off and us saying that we should all get fuzzy white jackets too. I think we thought we looked like bunnies in it or something and it was adorable.   I remember going home and asking my parent’s for one but of course it was the start of the school year and we had JUST gotten me a purple sweater that I had wanted. So of course I didn’t get one. It took only a day, I swear to you, 24 hours for Girl B to get one too. I remember being so jealous. Like my family could barely afford to put food on the table but here I was wanting a fuzzy white jacket.    It wasn’t till christmas till I was able to get a fuzzy white jacket. I think it was from a thrift store and just a bit too small from me. But I didn’t care cause finally I could join the cool people.I remember being so excited to show them it. I got dressed up and everything. They were going to come to my place to play with the barbie doll house my dad got me for christmas that was handcrafted from this little shop in my city. It was actually the only doll house my dad could afford as a toy for me. Apparently it was cheaper than the plastic ‘Barbie houses’ mattel sold. But I had loved that doll house. everything in it was hand painted and carved. There were picture frames on the walls that were made from beer bottles caps, and dish detergent caps. the house was three stories tall and crafted from what must have been used or old lumber laying about. I loved this doll house and Girl A and B loved to come over to play with it too.So you can imagine the excitement I must have had to show them, I too finally had a fuzzy white jacket.   They came over and hurried into my room so we could start playing with the doll house. We were like a half hour playing. I remembered I had THE jacket. So I ran off to put it on and came back to show them, thinking we could finally be a squad, all wearing matching jackets.Sure I couldn’t close mine but that didn’t matter, I had gotten one!  But nope. to this day I can remember their laugh and Girl B saying that I was too fat to wear the jacket.  I don’t remember the rest of the night. I just remember hiding the jacket at the back of my closet and never speaking about it again. I started getting clothing that was bigger than what I would normally wear just to hide my fat.    Things didn’t get much better when middle school rolled around. I had long stopped talking to both Girl A, and Girl B. But I still worried about my appearance particularly since I was the first of my friends to go through puberty cause, my body fucking hated me. It was not an easy puberty either. I would and still do get cramps that are so painful I will/have passed out from simply standing. But for appearance it did worse. I got zits EVERYWHERE. there was no down time, it was like an oprah show, any patch of skin I had would inevitably get covered in zits.      At this time I tried everything to get rid of them, the doctor prescribed medication that did nothing. I remember my mom buying every brand of zit remover from oxy clear to that one that you would get mailed in the my cousin’s sore by. AND THEY ALL DID FUCK ALL. My Body would simply never rest when it came to how fucking disgusting could it make me.    Not to mention I got hairy too. My legs grew thick black hair almost overnight and at that point I stopped wearing shorts all together. Cause FUCK showing off my yeti legs. I’ll die of heat stroke before people start talking about the pimple face’s yeti legs. But my legs weren’t the only thing that got hairy, so did my arms and my face, and now at this point the ‘you look like a boy’ was fucking  accurate because I could so very easily give up on being a girl at this point being a boy would have been so goddamn easy. I could probably have grown a beard and a mustache. I could have done it and no one would have talked about it in a negative light. Cause when you are a boy its okay if you are hairy or pimple faced, its pretty much the ‘norm’ I was trying my best to ‘fit in’ to be ‘relatively normal’. To just pass by. That's all I fucking wanted I didn’t even care about being pretty I just wanted their words to stop.    I remember hearing a conversation between some guys in one of my classes and a few girls I had known since elementary school. I was just passing by the door, where I overheard them talking about me and  I quote , “Date Azzy? she’s she looks like an ape.” and can still remember their fucking laughter.  One of them tried to ask me out later. I wasn’t stupid or desperate. I told them I’d never date asshole.     I remember some time in grade 8 one of the girls I had known since elementary but I wasn’t friends with(I’ll call Girl D for rightful reasons) , told me I should come over for a makeover. But I’d heard her talking with the boys that other day. Again I wasn’t stupid or desperate. I could see how this would go. She would be like Girl A and Girl B, she would be like that fucking asshole in the other class.    I remember I tried out for the arts highschool in my city cause I just wanted to get away from the people I had known since elementary school. Look, I was NOT good at art at this time. There were far better people in the school that could accurately depict shapes and lighting and people. Yet to my surprise I got accepted.    The day I got my acceptance letter I was SO happy. Finally I could get away from these assholes and get a clean start! I remember that, that same day I was taking the bus and one of the girls from school that I was sort of friends with (I’ll call girl C) was sitting at the back of the bus in front of Girl B and Girl D. The bus starts and things were quiet except every so often Girl C would turn around and yell at them to stop. After this going on for a few more times I pull out my headphones and looked over and saw that GIRL B and  D  were writing ‘ fat-so’, ‘fag’, ‘slut’ and a number of other things onto tape and sticking it to her back. At this point I had nothing left at this school. It was the last two weeks of school. I was already approved to go to another school, even if I got expelled it didn’t matter. I was SO sick of their words.     I put my headphones away, Got up, turned around to them and fucking yelled at them like a beast. I picked up the tape that they had stuck onto girl C’s back, and just shoved it into their faces.  SHOVED. I smacked them on their foreheads with it. I told them that If I ever heard them do this to Girl C or anyone else again, I’d hurt them, and if they had any intelligence they would keep their mouths shut and arms to themselves for the rest of the ride or I’d straight up murder them. If being pretty meant being an asshole, I didn’t need it.     High School is where things got weird. Since gym wasn’t mandatory I only took it the first year and then never again. I hated exercising. Elementary and middle school did that to me. I hated being hot and sweaty because I never wore shorts. I hated being in the heat. Being outside or anything that would require I take off any of my clothes.  And it was some time between when I was dying of a heat stroke and paying for a SECOND try at laser hair removal that DID NOT WORK. That I realized-         This is a fucking lot of money and time to look like a human being and not a ape. Such a lot of wasted time and energy that I could have been using going swimming, hanging out with actual good friends or getting better at drawing or playing tales of symphonia again. College came and that's when it started to REALLY began to sink in. Sure I may have never dated anyone through high school. But when college came I was done with ever trying to look pretty. It was a waste of time.    Then I actually started to look better, My zit’s started to go away, my hair didn’t grow as thick. Everything that had stressed me out throughout the rest of my school life like just stopped.   Because mentally it finally kicked in that it really didn’t fucking matter. Good looks didn’t equal you getting treated well. Good looks didn’t get you a promotion. Good looks didn’t make you feel happy. Good looks didn’t give you better grades.   People will still treat you like shit when you're pretty.    People will still say things about you and make fun of the things you wear. Not to mention the many passing fads. Being pretty is always changing.  So then it doesn’t matter if you are skinny or fat, Have black or blonde hair, are tall or short, hairy or bald.  Being beautiful is a choice and all you have to do is say you are.   And you know what? I actually am happy now.

[pokemonfreak387]

Winter Break (Redone) Chapter 13 (Friskriel Fanfic)

Notes: You know the deal by now. School delayed me. Also there’s some more PTSD flashbacks plus someone nearly getting killed. Hate to spoil things, but I want to give that warning. Credit to @thunders29 for proofreading.

Chapter Summary: Frisk has a talk with Gillian that goes south very quickly. 2897 Words.

I Told EVERYONE

What politicians loved more than anything was to see their opponents in their weakest state. They hit the most delicate of nerves, the most painful of triggers, and everything falls apart. To see the rage and the anger within the face of the opponent, their tactics becoming useless and obvious, that was the dream. Lucky for Frisk, none of their opponents were here to see them in such a state after they had found out who gave the information that led to Asriel’s beating. Anger, betrayal, and surprise were what Frisk was filled with as they walked up to the door.

The house was actually quite farther than Frisk had initially anticipated, but thankfully Sans was happy to help Frisk out. He was especially glad to assist in getting revenge on whoever called them a incestual tetraphile, because that was not just insulting to Frisk, but all of monsterkind. Frisk took a deep breath, trying to recompose themselves much like they were about to enter a political debate. Even as they knocked on the door, their hands continued to shake in anger and shock. They could not believe they were doing this, that they had to do this.

Anything for Azzy, they thought.

Surprisingly, the door was opened only shortly after Frisk had knocked on it. Behind the door, a woman with fire-orange hair, a chubby figure, and a round face with glasses appeared. This time Frisk recognized the woman all too well, and their hands continued to shake, requiring Frisk to hide them behind their back.

“Oh, Frisk!” Gillian exclaimed. She looked nervous suddenly, but she also tried to put a smile on her face.

“Hello Gillian,” Frisk greeted monotonously. “I need to talk to you.”

“Oh? You need to talk to me? Don’t you mean you want to talk to me? I mean there is so much we haven’t caught up on and-”

“Cut the bullshit Gil, you know exactly what I mean.” Frisk tried their best to talk in their no-nonsense voice, but even just being in Gillian’s presence was pissing them off. They were surprised really, as they hadn’t felt this way since they first went to Russia and had to encounter the president there. Thankfully, Frisk wasn’t dealing with a political power this time, so surely it was going to be easy.

Gillian fell silent after Frisk’s interruption, staring at the ground, her eyes hidden from Frisk. Frisk was about to speak again, but then Gillian looked up at them again. She smiled, but the smile looked force and uneasy. It reminded them of the malicious grin they saw in visions of Chara when Frisk went genocidal. This wasn’t improving Frisk’s mood at all.

“Frisk, I really have no idea what you’re talking about.” She claimed.

Frisk let out an impatient huff. “Gillian, you were at Mettaton’s party last week, right?”

“Y-yes, why?”

“So I assume you saw what Asriel did to me?”

Gillian gave a small gulp, but continued to try to smile. “Y-yeah, but I swear I didn’t tell anyone!”

“I didn’t even ask if you did.” Frisk said with a smirk.

Gillian realized her fuck up, and her smile disappeared. She went back to staring at the ground, as if she was contemplating something. Frisk noticed her arm hiding behind the wall shuffling about, but before they could ask, Gillian began laughing. It started as a small chuckle, but soon it turned into a full on maniacal laugh. Frisk backed up slightly, feeling very uneasy all of a sudden. Once Gillian was done, they looked at Frisk again with daggers in their eyes.

“Yeah, I told people about you two.” Gillian hissed. “I told them all about what happened, about how your ‘brother’ tried to hook up with you at the party, about how you apparently have personal reasons to support monsters. I told EVERYONE!”

Frisk gasped. They weren’t sure whether Gillian was lying or not about telling everyone, but they at least had them admit to telling the people at Tutoriel High. The anger was now boiling in Frisk, unable to believe someone they had considered their best friend would do something like this to them.

“Why?” Frisk asked through gritted teeth.

“Cause you are all fucked up.” Gillian replied laughing. “Monsters are so fucked up. I mean, they just come out of the ground one day and just EXPECT equality? They have the power to obliterate us using magic, a thing we were always told was fictional! Yet they don’t, as if not doing so will make them actually accepted into society. What a fucking joke.”

Frisk was legitimately close to just punching Gillian, but they knew that wouldn’t do anything but cause more trouble. They had trouble seeing anything but red as Gillian continued to laugh evilly. Frisk was near their breaking point, their whole body vibrating in rage and disgust. They needed to end this conversation quick before they did something they regretted.

“Gillian, you really are a horrible human.” Frisk hissed. “Consider us friends no more. I don’t want anything to do with you ever again.”

As Frisk turned around, they heard something slide, followed by Gillian saying “Big fucking mistake, mogger fucker.”

Frisk barely turned back around when Gillian lunged at them, a big, shiny, silver knife in their hand. Frisk was knocked to the ground as Gillian landed on top of them, using her weight as an advantage and pinning Frisk’s arms to the ground. She then dug her knees into their shoulders, making Frisk scream in agony. The screaming was cut short as Gillian placed her free hand on their mouth and stared evilly at them.

Frisk became paralyzed with fear. They stopped screaming as a vision formed around Gillian, the girl transforming into something else. Suddenly, all Frisk heard were slashes of a knife, yelps of pain from all directions, and saw dust raining from the sky. Where Gillian was now sat an 11-year old human, their skin like Frisk’s, and their shirt blue with a magenta stripe. Their eyes were not that of a human however; they were glowing red like the devil.

“You really are fucked up, both you and your ‘brother.” Gillian cackled. “I mean, humans and monsters? Together? Romantically? God, I don’t even want to know what fucking monstrosities would even come out of that. What do you think?”

Gillian stared into Frisk’s eyes. They were filled with shock and fear, and Gillian could feel them breathe rapidly through her hand. To many it would’ve felt weird, but Gillian couldn't help but shake in excitement at Frisk’s hot breath on their fingers. She laughed loudly.

“Look at you, the big ambassador of monsters, being murdered by a lowly human. God, this is too easy.” Gillian snarled in glee. “If it’s this easy to immobilize you, I’m surprised no other asshole did it in the past five years. Well, as much fun as it is toying with you, I think it's time for you to leave this world permanently. Goodbye you bitch!”

The figure in Frisk’s vision lifted the knife above their head. Their eyes became simple red pupils, and a creepy smile crawled across their face. There was no remorse, no hesitation, no pain. It was just a simple smile, and Frisk knew that smile. They tried telling themselves this was an illusion and that if they don’t act now, they’re going to die. Unfortunately, the knife came raining down, and Frisk closed their eyes, awaiting their death.

…

But nothing happened.

Frisk could still feel both the pressure in and on their chest, as well as their rapid breathing. They immediately ruled out the possibility they were dead and dared to open an eye. Thankfully, they no longer saw the horrible flashback of them murdering their friends and family. Instead, they saw Gillian, frozen in place with the knife just inches above Frisk’s chest, a blue glow surrounding her. Her soul also made an appearance, its shape deformed and its color blue.

“I think that’s enough.” Said a voice behind the humans. Gillian was suddenly thrown backwards, the knife flying towards the street and landing on the asphalt with a clink. The girl landed with her own noises of discomfort, but none seemed too serious. With the pressure keeping them down out of the way, Frisk lifted their body up. Their arms were shaking, barely able to keep their body propped up as they turned around.

Beside a nearby tree, Sans stood. His left eye was flaming cyan blue, and his arm was extended towards the humans. Frisk tried to relax at seeing their close friend, but quick glimpses of their earlier flashback kept them tense, as well as new ones at seeing Sans use his magic. Instead, they just flopped back onto the ground, still conscious, but incredibly exhausted and nervous. Sans cautiously walked towards them, his hand still keeping Gillian grounded.

“So, you're the girl who made the kid and the kid get in trouble?” Sans prompted. “Big mistake. Don’t you know how to mind other’s business? Of course, anything that involves the life of our ambassador is always my business, so the whole threatening to kill them thing is going to have to stop.”

Sans released Gillian enough to allow her to sit up, but his magic still kept her hands from moving off the ground. She looked at the skeleton, a fiery mix of hate, anger, and fear in her eyes. Her mouth dropped to a frown momentarily, only to curl into a grin shortly after. Gillian began to laugh again, loud and malicious. Sans’ eye flared more.

“Oh, isn’t that sweet?” Gillian snarled. “You have to get your mogger ‘uncle’ to save you. God, all of you are pathetic. Don’t you know if you do anything to harm me, I can sue you for breaking all those ‘peace’ laws you’ve been trying to enforce?”

“Oh darling, that’s the least of your worries.” A second unknown voice jeered. Frisk didn’t even have to look up for this one, as they recognized that robotic sexy voice anywhere. Even Gillian knew exactly who was talking, and the grin she had disappeared. From behind the same tree Sans was by, Mettaton strolled out with a polaroid in hand.

“Oh yeah? And what do you think you can do?” Gillian spat.

“It’s quite simple really.” Mettaton said. “You see this photo? It’s a photo of you about to stab poor Frisk in broad daylight. Now, what would happen to you if this got out to the public? Surely you don’t want everyone to know you’re crazy.”

Gillian looked unconvinced. “You’re lying.”

“Am I?” Mettaton sauntered over to the stunned girl, presenting the photo to her. Sure enough, it was a picture of Gillian on top of Frisk, the knife raised above her head, murderous intent in her eyes.

“Now you may go around saying that we’re lying and that this photo is fake, but who are they going to believe? A normal human girl, or the most popular monster in the world?”

Gillian stared at the photo. She couldn’t believe that everything was going so well, only to be ruined by her one enemy. Finally, she sighed.

“Fine, you win.” She stated. She then stared directly at Frisk. “But mark my words, Frisk. I will get what I want, and you will fail to bring equality between monsters and humans. Even if it takes years, I will stop you.”

Frisk flinched, still recovering from the attack. Sans glared at Gillian, tempted to slam her against the ground or to kill her there with one of his bone attacks. However, he instead lifted her off the ground and set her by the door to the house. He then released her and made his way over to Frisk, helping them to stand up.

“How’re you holding up, kid?” Sans whispered.

“M-m-my sh-sh…” Frisk couldn’t finish their sentence, the adrenaline and shock keeping them from fully functioning. Sans decided not to push them for more.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you home.” Sans then looked back at Gillian. “If you keep going down the path you’re going, then little girl… you’re going to have a bad time.”

Frisk whimpered at the threat, but Gillian seemed unaffected. Instead, she walked inside and slammed the door, leaving big knife in the street. Once she was gone, Mettaton made his way over the Sans and Frisk.

“Well, I never thought I’d meet such a vile human.” Mettaton grumbled. “I believe it’s best we get out of here before more trouble occurs. Sans, be a dear and drop me off at my mansion after we drop Frisk off?”

“Ok.” Sans answered.

---

As Mettaton went downstairs to talk to Toriel and Asgore, Sans led Frisk into their bedroom. Frisk was still horribly shaken up from the events that just happened, still unable to fully speak and their body still shaking. As gently as he could, Sans placed them in their bed and tucked them in, bringing several plushies that were scattered around the room to them. In case those weren’t enough, Sans heard the door suddenly slam open as Asriel barged in in a panic.

“Frisk!” He gasped. “I just heard from Mettaton, are you ok? Are you hurt? I should’ve gone with you so I could’ve made sure she didn’t touch you god I’m sorry I-”

Sans quickly magicked Asriel’s mouth shut before he continued to ramble.

“Hush kid, we don’t need anymore excitement.” Sans warned, releasing the bind shortly after. “It’s alright. Some human just tried to kill our ambassador, so I took care of them.”

Asriel’s eyes widened at Sans’ nonchalant statement and the panic in his chest began to increase. “Y-you don’t mean you…?”

To both monsters’ surprise, it was Frisk who actually answered the question. “N-no… H-h-he d-did-dn’t.”

Asriel sighed in relief, walking over to Frisk’s side. “I-I’m glad to see they’re safe. I-I don’t know w-what I would’ve done if they had died there.”

“Who knows? Anyways, I gotta take Metta home as well. Kids, try to avoid getting frisky, alright?”

Asriel rolled his eyes. “Out, Sans.”

Chuckling, Sans made his way out of the room, leaving Frisk and Asriel alone again. Asriel gently made his way into the bed with Frisk, gently holding them from behind as he kissed the back of their neck. He could still feel them trembling, but it seemed their breathing was thankfully slowing down. He continued to give them gentle kisses as he hummed a gentle song. Frisk began to feel better, the memory of Gillian’s attack being pushed to the back of their mind, and their boyfriend becoming their main focus. After a few minutes, they could finally speak properly.

“Thank you, Asriel.” Frisk whispered. “You always did know how to make me feel better, even in the worst of attacks.”

“Anything for you Frisky.” Asriel replied tearfully. “I love you too much to let you suffer.”

Frisk flipped around, now facing Asriel, and kissed him on the lips. The pair closed their eyes as their mouths flushed against each other, their tongues dancing in the middle. The simple joy of being able to have someone here to share their affections with was all Frisk needed to feel like the luckiest ambassador in the world. They couldn’t imagine where they would be without Asriel.

Frisk sighed as they broke apart. “This is both the best and the worst vacation ever.”

This elicited some laughs from Asriel. “Yeah, I agree with that.”

The two just stayed there, cuddling each other and forgetting about everything else. They didn’t even consider getting up and doing something, they just stayed there in each other’s warm embraces. It wasn’t until someone knocked on the door did they fall out of their trance.

“Pardon me, Frisk?” Asgore said from the other side.

“Come on in.” They replied.

Asgore walked in, blushing a bit as he saw his children laying in the bed together. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything, but I got some exciting news.”

Frisk sat up and looked at their father. “Yes?”

“The mayor accepted your request for a public speech, scheduled this Sunday!”

“Really?” Frisk gasped, jumping out of bed, no noticeable trace of their previous state. They ran up and hugged Asgore, who returned it gently.

“Thank you dad! How did you convince her?”

“Well you know the mayor, she always does have a soft spot for you.” Asgore replied chuckling.

“Wait, what’s going on?” Asriel asked, raising an eyebrow.

Frisk turned to their boyfriend, smiling wide and making his stomach flutter a bit. “I asked dad if he could convince Mayor Downe to let me give a speech to the entire town about romantic human-monster relationships. I figured if our secret’s out, we might as well try to get these laws passed, starting with our town and moving up from there.”

“Oh! That’s awesome!” Asriel himself then got up and hugged both of them. He couldn’t help but feel a little proud at how Frisk turned a really bad situation in their favor. It was like they were made for politics, and Asriel wouldn’t want them any other way.

“C’mon Az,” Frisk said once they broke apart. “Let’s start writing the first draft.”

“Heck yeah!”

[imaginespazzi]

NIVI!! Give us your postgame thoughts on Ole Miss!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING MY LOVIES! I am thankful for that fact that I found a stream that worked last night and got to watch this game even though that 3rd quarter took years off of my life.

AZZI. FUDD. I don't think I can even begin to explain in words just how proud I am of her. Everyone has been saying that it's only a matter of time before Azzi starts to contribute (not that she didn't contribute in the Oregon State game) but Azzi didn't just contribute last night; was definitely the biggest (not the only of course) reason we won. It was a one-possession game and momentum was without a doubt on Ole Miss's side and Azzi said fuck all of that and gave UConn an 8-pt cushion all by herself. And what won't reflect on the box-score is that her scoring those points did two things: it deflated Ole Miss and it energized UConn. She was just so good offensively and defensively; just an all-around performance and I'm just so incredibly proud. And you know what the best part is? Those 3s ain't even falling yet.

Casual 29 points for the NPOY, no biggie just Paige doing Paige things except you know MY Paige doesn't normally get 5 turnovers...jk jk because honestly she only should have had 3 (still "high" for her standard but also that's what Ole Miss hangs their hat on). That 1st half and that 4th quarter were just things of beauty. That's what you need your leader to do, set the tone and then finish things off. AND SHE FINALLY GOT SOME FTS!!

Sarah looked really good in the first half and then when Ole Miss got going, she looked a little shaken in the second half, emphasis on the little shaken because it was only really in terms of scoring, she was still doing all the little things. I've seen some discourse and I personally don't want Sarah to stop taking 3s because it's not like she takes bad ones and I think they're gonna fall and we need them to fall and they're not gonna fall if she stops taking them.

JANA!! She had some clutch has hell rebounds and some much-needed shots. I thought she had a really good game and a near double-double. She just looked really energized out there and I think she's only going to get better.

Ice had a up and down game. She definitely did a couple of things that frustrated me but also made some solid plays. I would have definitely liked a couple more points and a couple more rebounds but I think the hustle, that's been prevalent the last few games, is still there.

Ash needed more shots which is partially on her but also I feel like she was getting plays ran for AND her teammates weren't doing the best job of finding her. It feels like the aggression, particularly on offense, of the first two games had dwindled a little bit and she's in a bit of a slump. Also two of Paige's 5 turnovers, probably belong to her because girl what was you doing?

We definitely need more point production from KC but I thought she had a very stabilizing presence last night and did a pretty good job running the offense in the 4th.

KK hadn't made me want to scream at her for driving into traffic and getting blocked like clockwork in a couple of games and so of course OF COURSE she had to do it last night. But I do think she matched Ole Miss's energy well and I liked that one drive she had. She needs to look to score like that more.

Which brings me back to that KC-KK discourse, I still think the KK-Paige-Azzi-Sarah-Jana/Ice lineup is our strongest but I also did really like the KC-Paige-Azzi-Sarah-Jana that we used to end the game and was I believe the prominent lineup throughout the 2nd half. So I think my general opinion is that it doesn't matter who starts because ultimately it's gonna be a opponent-driven decision and it's good to have that option.

I love Paige and Azzi and I love that they had good games but I'm ngl, looking at that box score and seeing so many people with only 2 pts did not please me at all.

Blowing leads is becoming a recurring thing and as much as I think it's good character building for this team right now because as Geno says you learn more from overcoming the Ole Miss run than if you had stretched it 30, it is a little concerning that it's a bit of a pattern. And again this is only their 5th game and it was their first true test and also ofc only their 3rd having Azzi so I'm not necessarily super worried, but it is something I'mma keep my eye on.

But overall I'm just really proud of this team. They got punched in the 3rd and they punched back and I'm hoping to see a lot more punching in the upcoming games.

[crimsondude]

Heat (1995), one of the best and worst influences on Shadowrun

Michael Mann's Heat (1995) is a Los Angeles crime epic that, if you're reading this, you've probably seen or been told to see. It is among Blade Runner and Ronin in the fan canon of Shadowrun inspirations. This is because it's an incredible movie with a well-crafted story world, and a gunfight so realistic that the Marine Corps shows it during Basic Training. Neal McCauley's (Robert De Niro's) crew is team of professional criminals, experienced in working together, are well-armed (They carry CAR-15s, Galil, H&K G33 or SR9 rifle, etc.) well-trained in their specialties and in overall combat and heist/burglary tradecraft (including hacking or using very technical methods to counter alarms and other technology), use sophisticated counterintelligence and counter-surveillance methods, and basically depicts what could easily be described as a Prime Runner team (The jobs they pull off or attempt to pull off escalate from $1.6 million to ~$4 million to over $12 million).

However ...

I was listening to the Sixth World Podcast #14 with Adam Koebel and as I replied in that episode's post (See More), I generally agreed with him. One thing that he discussed that I didn't really touch upon then that I noticed this time and want to comment on is the dichotomy between the cyberpunk fiction of a loose confederation of lone wolves and the reality of a tabletop crew being a recurring group of characters involved in a long-term campaign. The reason this matters is that First and early Second Edition were written mostly by the original developers, especially by Nigel Findley, and there was a consistent vision of the world that didn't really have anything to do with the experience of playing this game at a tabletop. Then Steve Kenson, Jon Szeto, and other second-generation authors came along; freelancers who had actually played Shadowrun (They even played by snail mail). Following them were freelancers who came up through the Internet because Shadowrun has had a consistent presence online and a close relationship with Internet fans since it was published.

And a lot of these players knew of Heat and referenced it. And beyond that, they also tended to come to Shadowrun as players or GMs in campaigns with set teams and basically running "professional" shadowrunner crews like in Heat. To be fair, Heat does not stand alone at this time in the mid-90s. Reservoir Dogs, Mission: Impossible, and Ronin are thoroughly Shadowrun movies even without knowing they are. These fans took influence from crime and noir fiction like the Donald Westlake Parker novels and similar movies that run from the 1950s-70s (Payback [1999] was the first film adaptation of Westlake's The Hunter since Lee Marvin’s Point Blank was released in 1967). Anyway, nostalgia in the 1990s was for the 1970s, just as today we are nostalgic for the 1990s. There were also very distinct themes and settings when it came to Shadowrun and especially Shadowrun online in the mid to late 1990s.

This was the era of the Professional Shadowrunner.

As it happens, this coincided with the release of a hyper-useful Shadowrun sourcebook, Fields of Fire. Fields of Fire was the intellectual precursor to adopting the attitudes and techniques we then saw in Heat because the first third to half of FoF is a treatise on being a Professional – it's about being a professional mercenary and also addressed repeatedly in the book to how to behave as a shadowrunner. It's so useful that it's a starting reference for being an adult in general because – SPOILER ALERT – "common sense" actually isn't. Plus, Tom Dowd wrote it. It's not quite Gospel, but at the time it was more like the Dark Lord on High's Letter to the Pink Mohawks.

Anyway, the Professional Shadowrunner was a mercenary and a sociopath, if not in fact then at least in effect, and any punk ethos was eliminated in favor of "realism." I should add that in the 90s, the idea of real-life mercenaries and private contractors was becoming a thing as the end of the Cold War put a lot of professionals onto the streets. So what do you do? In Ronin, you steal a case (Which is actually cover for a whole other job). The Professional Shadowrunner wasn't a Black Trenchcoat, he was a Grey Man Assassin. Black trench coats are ostentatious as Hell even here in the Pacific Northwest. The only people who wear them, except for a short time in the 90s, are men who need a coat long enough to protect their suits, which appropriately enough describes the Professional Shadowrunner sometimes.

The Professional Shadowrunner has to worry about living in the real world because once they're off the job, they're trying to be an inconspicuous as possible. These people don't squat in the Barrens, they have houses their fixer bought through cut-outs with laundered money and impeccable fake SINs. The Black Trenchcoat focuses on drama; the Professional Shadowrunner is No-Drama Obama about this shit. They over-prepare for everything. And like in Heat, when combat does go down they operate like a team of Navy SEALs — probably because according to the PCs’ backgrounds, they were Navy SEALs. Having a "legitimate" or "realistic" background to acquiring skills and learning tactics (and you could learn tactics online from field manuals and other resources) was critical to justifying basically the runner's entire existence.

This attitude towards "realism" eventually stretched into how people treated the entirety of the setting, excusing the fact that Shadowrun has MAGIC and just flat-out is not Real Life. All of this influence began coming to a head in the material following, ironically enough, Dunkelzahn's Will.

Yes, kids, the last will and testament of the first Great Dragon to be elected President of the successor to the United States was the primary catalyst to making Shadowrun more "realistic."

I should also mention that the death of Dunkelzahn and the will were also used as capstones for a period of time that was absolutely batshit within the context of the entire life of the line. In a two-year period, we got Bug City, Aztechnology Blood Magic, Harlequin's Back trying to stop the Azzies from bring the Horrors back sooner, and a ton of Earthdawn connections (Earthdawn was released in 1993, but references to the Fourth World have existed since the original Big Black Book in 1989) to sell the connection between both games, especially ED since there's never been a lack of fantasy settings for tabletop RPGs. Earthdawn's schtick was that it led to an already-popular cyberpunk and magic game set in the dark future.

With Dunkelzahn's Will in late 1996, FASA slammed the door on a lot of the more fantastical elements that had dominated the setting and metaplot. 1997 was the year of the Mob War, and 1998 was the year of the Corp Wars of 2059-60. The Corp Wars sought to address some of that lack of realism such as how Japan had experienced the Ghost Decade IRL while in Shadowrun the Japanacorps still ruled everything. So they added White Monday (the Tokyo Stock Exchange plummets), moved Yamatetsu to Russia, killed Fuchi, and replaced it with Novatech in Boston, and brought on CATCo and Wuxing – because no one foresaw China mattering at all in 1989.

And thematically, tonally, Shadowrun players were increasingly being told to reference 90s crime movies and other films about teams of clandestine or covert professional, either proprietary or freelance, and the library expanded. To contrast 1999's The Matrix; Mamet's Heist, Way of the Gun (Its combat scenes were choreographed by a Navy SEAL), and Payback (Yet another adaptation of Westlake's The Hunter). At the top of that list, however, are Heat and Ronin, and while Ronin is a better depiction of the random crew assembled for a job, Heat is the model for how to build a team of PCs who are going to run together for a long-term tabletop campaign.

I love this movie, and it's one of the only I still own a hard copy of (along with The Godfather Trilogy). It's incredibly useful for envisioning the life of shadowrunners both on the job and during their downtime, where the PCs have to balance life with their career of being professional criminals. Michael Mann created a beautiful world of the criminal underworld in Los Angeles, complete with a fixer, a Mr. Johnson, an Information Broker, Fences ("All fences are informants," Mann revealed in the 10th Anniversary DVD commentary), and the world they occupy off the clock. And, again, the downtown gunfight is fucking brilliant.

I also appreciate much of the influence, directly and indirectly, for inspiring people to add realism and depth to their characters and the world. However, I think these drives sometimes were excessive, and adding realism without appreciating the full context and world that preceded them. I'm not revealing state secrets to mention that people who would become freelancers, including myself, would even dismiss some material because it was "wrong" and not because, you know, this is a game.

[imaginespazzi]

In terms of them being serious b4 college, I got that vibe initially too. I know there's all the freshman year rumors and I think it would make sense that they weren't together at some point but I also think they dated in high school. Btw, like other anons have mentioned I think ppl take the freshman year stuff too seriously, this is the theory we have the least amount of proof for imo. Again I think it sounds believable but I also think it's been exaggerated a lot.

I also agree with anon about their closeness in hs reading as more coupley. I have gone on vacay’s with my besties but the thing is Paige never seemed like a regular bestie to Azzi. Like I'm pretty sure she's known Colleen for around the same amount of time, they lived in the same state and went to the same school but they didn't seem the same type of close. Paige was in a different grade, state and school. They got close super fast and all of a sudden their families are arranging vacay’s together, having them fly out to each others games, etc. Covid happens and for some reason Paige is living with them. Idk to me it just feels like all the parents knew they were more than friends and constantly adjusted to give them opportunities to be together.

I see them having been separated for less than a year with possible reasons including the distance and protocol making it so that Paige could barely go anywhere. Maybe during high school there were othersort periods of time where they took breaks/broke up. Once Azzi came to came to campus I don't really see them being platonic, this time period is when we got some of the most obvious interviews. I can see them being more casual until 2022 but I don't think they were platonic. So, my vision is: they've been romantic from almost the start.

whew, that was probably my longest most delulu rant to date but it's been in my head for a while so I’m taking the opportunity to share😭

I love when y'all rant like if y'all could see my face as I read the rants, like nodding through points y'all make like please send long asks always!

But I agree with you, the vibes have always been pretty interesting with them because it's just not the same with anyone else ya know? Also now that you've brought up different states, it really isn't the same as like me and my bestie like I said before cause that girl has been in my life and my parent's lives for decades atp but their parents were bringing girls who hadn't even known each other for that long so maybe there's something to that theory actually. That's some cool liberal parents tho ngl 😭