#also i have an aunt and and unle who're avid collectors of Some Not Great Shit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nashvillehotchicken · 1 year ago

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since my mom has some trauma from being ex-mormon and ex-nazarene and there have been a lot of issues between us both in some held-onto beliefs and triggers, i've not been wanting to tell her explicitly that i'm converting until i'm able to move out and have a bit of stability and a better sense of safety

i do still want to be at least slightly open about this and sort of sneakily educate may family for the better so i've been using the "my friend" rule to talk abt my studies and its working hilariously well lmao

#granted i have no idea if i'm just a better liar than i think i am or if she's just that oblivious #i mean i did this before i came out as trans and i got hit with “if you said anything earlier i would have believed you :/”#and then she straight up refused to believe me for 3 years. during which i was comlpetely out to her and the rest of the family lmaoo #so theres a lot of ways this could go #also it'll be easier to actually go about the conversion process if i have my own kitchen and am not stuck in a teensy 3person split level #idk #i would also be safer in general once i'm able to get out-of-state bc as ive mentioned a few times before my extended family fully believes #-theyre the hillbilly mafia #i am literally named after my gay uncle who they brutally murdered & got way with it bc we have relatives in the wisco courts and a few cop #it was ruled an accidental suicide by auto-erotic asphyxiation and my granma told everybody he was in a motorcycle accident #he was covered in bruises and broken bones! the end of the rope was outside the room!#sorry i know that's triggering im just really anxious abt the whole deal #esp since when i came out as trans to them i got very underhanded deah threats for like a year (i was 15)#so i really DO NOT feel safe #my mom isn't like that and she loved my uncle but she's a sucker for the family and very easily manipulated #so i cant be sure she wouldn't tell them without my knowledge just out of guilt and traumatised co-dependancy #also i have an aunt and and unle who're avid collectors of Some Not Great Shit #like indigenous stuff and ww2 memorabilia #fuck i should tag all this #antisemitism tw #abuse tw #religious abuse #murder tw #homophobia tw #sorry abt the overshare i just gotta get it outta my head #but yeah the lifestyle freedom id have as well is gonna be a bigger plus. my own kitchen and safety from having to explain the cultural dif #theyve not spoken to us in a few years so i think (?) its not too much to worry abt now at least #im just paranoid lmao #rn since i live like 2hrs away from the nearest synagogue im just stuck doing some self study anyways #i found a few union 2nd shift jobs for good money i can apply to soon so im good there. i just gotta get my car situation worked out first

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