#also i do have more zachary taylor facts because i've started grant's memoirs

[fictionadventurer]

If you happen to want to tell us about General McClellen (and/or William and Frances Seward), I'd enjoy that! I've been so interested by your history posts lately, especially about Zachary Taylor.

General George McClellan. Or as I like to call him...

I won't tell you what I call him because I cannot refer to this man without descending into vulgar profanity.

I'm going to be light on exact facts and details here, because most of his maddening characterization comes from an audiobook that I can't easily reference. And the point of this rant is not to teach you facts, but to let you know that his personality drives me absolutely up the wall.

So, to understand how this guy was able to wreak as much havoc as he did, you have to know that the US did not have a great army when the Civil War broke out. The only war since 1814 had been the Mexican-American War, and the army used there was nowhere near on the scale of what they'd need to fight this war. 30-40% of the West Point graduates were loyal to the South, and even though the North had greater numbers of trained officers, they had to use most of them to man outposts across vast territories, while the South was able to have every single one of their trained officers leading active troops. The Union just plain did not have men with the training and experience needed to lead a large army.

The best general they had was General Scott, who had led the US forces during part of the Mexican War. Unfortunately, he was super old. Barely able to walk, much less ride a horse and lead troops into battle. He had to work entirely from an office, and that wasn't a great way to lead the army. So Lincoln brought in George McClellan--a 34-year-old West Point graduate who'd had success in the West--to work under him as a sort of assistant general. McClellan seemed like an ideal choice. He was young and impressive-looking, inspiring tons of confidence in the people who saw him. Unfortunately, he bought into the propaganda. He was convinced that he was the divinely-appointed savior of the Union, and then let his immense ego drive all his decisions.

This guy was a toxic narcissist obsessed with power and glory and honor and willing to do nothing to deserve it. It's almost hilarious how much of a contrast there is between him and Grant and Lincoln. They could be characters in a fable. Lincoln was willing to take blame upon himself rather than let others suffer attacks; McClellan would scramble to blame everyone except himself. Grant supposedly showed up to his army camp with only a spare shirt, a toothbrush, and a hairbrush; McClellan famously required six wagons pulled by four horses each to carry all his luggage from his home to the military camp. In his months of delay at the camp near Washington, he would host dinner parties for the officers every night with oysters and champagne.

He was so combative with Scott that Scott finally decided to retire, leaving McClellan as the sole head of the army. When Lincoln would come by army headquarters for meetings, McClellan would make the president of the United States wait downstairs rather than come down to see him (and then complain to his wife that the president took up his time with meetings). He would never, ever take the blame for any mistakes, always blaming the president or Congress for not giving him enough troops or equipment, even though they repeatedly told him that they were providing as much as they possibly could.

He was in charge of the Army of the Potomac, which was supposed to protect Washington from the Confederate troops that were right on their doorstep. Yet McClellan kept troops in camp for months rather than going after the enemy. At first, this was understandable--you have huge numbers of recruits coming in who have never had any military experience before; you need time to conduct drills and teach them how to use equipment. But even after they were trained, McClellan kept delaying. He kept wildly overestimating the number of soldiers in the enemy camp, and insisting that he needed more equipment and more soldiers before he could attack. People were like, "Please attack before the Confederates have a chance to bring in more troops." McClellan did not attack. Lee brought in more troops. Then McClellan justified this by saying, "Well, the more troops they bring in, the more complete our victory will be when we destroy them." Finally, Lincoln was like, "You absolutely must attack within a week." McClellan delayed for a month. When he finally attacked, the Confederates got wind of it and were able to abandon camp before the Union army arrived. When McClellan's got there, they found that the intimidating array of cannons that the army had feared facing were a bunch of logs painted black.

The Quaker Gun incident, as it came to be called, was hugely embarrassing for McClellan. Congress started demanding that Lincoln replace him. Lincoln's like, "Who do you suggest I replace him with?"

"Anybody," a senator muttered.

"Anybody may do for you," Lincoln shot back, "but I must have somebody."

McClellan was able to coast by for a ridiculously long time in his position just because there was no one Lincoln could be certain was qualified to replace him. The men did seem to like him, and Lincoln was hesitant to remove a commander who had the loyalty of his men and who knew the terrain.

His entire military career was just cycle after cycle of this:

Lincoln: Please attack the enemy.

McClellan: It's not my fault. You guys won't give me enough men and weapons.

The War Department: Here are more men and weapons.

McClellan: [loses battles, fails to pursue the enemy after victories, etc.]

Congress: This guy has to go.

Lincoln: I'll give you one more chance.

McClellan: [preening] I am the only person in the world who can save this country.

Finally, finally, finally Lincoln gave him one absolute last chance to prove himself, and when McClellan failed to pursue Lee's forces after the Battle of Antietam in 1862, Lincoln removed him from command.

But this guy wasn't done being a thorn in Lincoln's side.

As if the years of insult and insubordination weren't enough, McClellan became the Democratic candidate who ran against Lincoln in the 1864 presidential election. It looked a bit rough for Lincoln for a while, because people were getting tired of the war, but fortunately, the new commanders of the army had several key victories before election time that swung popular support back to Lincoln, so that McClellan only got 21 electoral votes to Lincoln's 212. (That was a particularly satisfying victory for me to hear about.)

This man is just so maddening--a proud, conceited, cowardly glory-seeker who is blind to all of his flaws. He is my new historical archnemesis.