#also i didn't talk about bad grandma but the fact that sam is carrying around a belief

[vegaseatsass]

GAP the Series ep 3 thoughts (spoilers!!)

I had a horrible week so I'm deeply grateful to this episode for being so freakingggg delightful.

Laura and I were delighted to realize Sam's candle fetish is about WARDING OFF GHOSTS. She is scared of the dark. It's not a hot girl thing it's an uwu girl thing

It is really refreshing that Mon is just so unflappably secure in her feelings* for Sam! She has this incredibly solid foundation of self-knowledge when it comes to loving her, like knowing her own heart gives her this strength and motivation, not pain or insecurity. Meanwhile we have Sam in the position of authority AND object of infatuation, just flailing around at every corner LOL it's beautiful and really fun. *Her fangirl/devotion feelings at least. I'm v eager to see Mon get more flustered as she realizes these have grown into something else, something new and differently vulnerable. But I love seeing her crush make her nearly invulnerable for the time being.

MON'S PARENTS OH MY GOD. What a sweet counterpart to Sam's terrible grandma. They were so eager to wingman for her, it is maybe the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life??? Lol imagine asking the father of the girl you secretly wanna date for his blessing as like, a dumb crushy injoke w/ yourself to stave off the :( of thinking you can never ask her out, and he's just like YES! YES I GIVE YOU MY BLESSING FOR ANYTHING YOU WANT TO DO WITH MY DAUGHTER SHE LOOOOOOOOVES YOU.

Lol Sam meanwhile of the "Haha you like me! That's soooooo embarrassing for you" school of dumbassery. "Haha you want to come over to my house for the night and sleep in my bed to protect me from ghosts! (Right? Right? WHEW OKAY GOOD) That's soooooo embarrassing for you" But again so incredibly charmed that Mon just seemed delighted to get exposed and teased as Sam's no. 1 fan! She is unbothered moisturized happy in her lane.

Really love that it took one Kirk intervention last week for Mon to be able to decode Sam in any situation. Now she can figure out her ice queen boss wants her to follow her into her bedroom because she's scared of ghosts, without Sam doing more than like. Awkwardly hovering. Like it's funny but it's also really sweet, that understanding Sam as she is now matters so much more to Mon than needing her to be the way she remembered her. This isn't actually a story of Sam falling off Mon's pedestal, but of the two of them liking the real person they get to know more and more and dangerously more.

"Why do you sound like my friends?" maybe the cutest line of the entire episode wtf. Everyone who knows you Sam - really knows you - just wants to tease you!! It is a sign of affection and closeness!! I don't think I'd be able to resist teasing Sam either, not for all the promises of being stepped on or whatever in the world

ok this is way too long so just running through a few last points. You know how there are work spouses, work husbands, etc: Kirk is a work malewife. No I will not elaborate.

Want to read the fic that's just Sam's fantasy of Mon as a sexy spy sent to seduce her and steal her corporate secrets (her corporate secrets of. making a page about cafes....)

Want to see Sam wear more chokers please. Collars under suits! Let's merge the two looks 👀

Ep 1, Ep 2

[sara78]

Thank you, Supernatural

I don't think a simple thank you can cover everything these boys have done for me, for many of us out there.

For lots of people, supernatural is just a show.

But for me and for lots of other people it means many more.

Let's be honest, this year sucked.

2020 for me started empty. I would wake up every morning with emptiness in me, because one person I really looked up to and loved with all my heart, my grandpa, suddenly died in front of my eyes and I couldn't do anything but watch. Even though everybody thought I bounced back from that really fast and adapted to it, it was just my very well built mask. I didn't want them to know. That maybe wasn't the right thing to do, since I for sure wasn't the only one mourning, but I just got used to throwing out masks and smiles whenever it was a bad day because they usually wouldn't understand why am I upset and would tell me to stop being a crybaby.

The fact that I lost my grandpa who was my father figure, who raised me up and was the only one who ever supported me and had my back, tore me apart. I was aware I will never go and spend summer breaks in village with him, I will never be able to watch "Only fools and horses" with him on TV.

It just couldn't settle.

And then, the Corona virus happened.

Let me be honest, school and certain people in it helped me with mourning. A lot. Being able to focus on schoolwork, studying, projects, it took my mind of for a brief time. But then, we were all of a sudden closed in our houses because of this whole situation and I didn't thought it was going to be this painful for me.

I was always thinking "Meh, I rarely went out anyways, I got used to being home" but the fact that I was back in the apartment where my grandpa died, and the fact that I woke up every morning and went to the living room to see an empty bed and a turned off TV, instead of him sitting there, reading the newspaper while waiting for a certain TV show on the TV... It didn't feel like home.

I closed in my room. Most of the days I would spend by trying to figure out everything about school, who's using what platform etc. Soon enough, my mother, a nurse in city hospital, told me that she will be transfered to work on a Covid part of it.

I didn't really think it would change anything, but hell, was I wrong.

Every day, she would come pissed from work. She would scream at me, yell at me, blame me for whatever happened in her shift, blamed me for everything that wasn't in my power.

Listening to constant hate from her never had such an impact on me. She would usually do that but grandpa would always be there and talk to me. My mom would usually go to my grandma to see her and talk to her about her troubles at work, but she couldn't risk going to her place, so she decided to obviously, yell and scream at me, thinking I don't bother because I never showed it.

She would just randomly slam the door of my room open and start telling me I'm a terrible daughter, that I don't want to do anything, that I'm useless, that people will never love me, that I'm stupid etc. Those words now started to settle down in me and started piling up. Day by day, the pile became bigger and bigger and I was in a darker place than ever before.

I didn't talk to anyone about it. I didn't want to bother and others had problems too, much bigger then this one.

I was really desperate. I needed a way to get out.

One of those days, I called one of my good friends, and asked him to tell me something that he likes to watch, or to play. I needed a run from reality and I decided to find it in a video game or a TV show.

That's where supernatural came.

April 5th, 2020.

Just when I thought this year would never get better, it did.

I tested the waters with the pilot - he told me that I would like the show since I was a fan of The X Files and Scooby-doo. He was right. It took me one episode, and Dean's famous "Dad's on a hunting trip. And he hasn't been home in a few days" to get me hooked.

Every day, I would turn on the show and would run away from reality. Every time it all became too much, I would watch them. Soon enough it felt like home. Those boys going around the country, hunting, having each other's backs, it really was unique and interesting to see how well they worked together.

As the show progressed and the boys went more mature, I started feeling better. I wouldn't have dark thoughts, I wouldn't feel empty anymore. Even though I could never talk with them in person, their presence helped me deal with my grandpa's death and my mother's sick obsession of blaming me for everything.

Sam and Dean taught me to stand up for myself. That's what I did. I stood up for myself and told my mother to stop being such a fuss and blame me for whatever happened to her on work because I'm no God (Chuck now 😂) and I'm not controlling anything. She was at first pissed when I talked back to her yelling but soon she stopped as well. I don't know where did she take out all of that anger and I honestly don't care. As long as it wasn't me, I didn't care.

Sam and Dean taught me that nobody really dies. Well, those boys never seemed to stick to that title. But the ones who did, as for example their dad, mom, later on Bobby, Jo, Ellen, Ash, Crowley, Rowena, Jack, Kevin,... You shouldn't think about how you lost them, about how you will never get to see them again. You should remember and cherish the moments you got to spend with them, and to be grateful that you were able to spend time with them. I started watching at grandpa's death from another point of view. Instead of missing him, I remembered him. Whenever I felt that feeling of empty, I would take our photo album and watch our photos together. I would read my old diary entries in which I wrote about how he took me to a fair and bought me a gigantic burger. Instead of tears, I would smile and be happy for being able to spend the time of my life with him and was grateful for making me who I am.

Sam and Dean taught me that family don't end with blood. But it doesn't start there either. I started taking better care of my friends, tried to talk to them more, ask them more often how they felt. I knew how bad I wanted someone to ask me that when I was in a bad place and I knew someone would appreciate that. But as well, I opened up more to some of them. It really felt nice, knowing that they don't care that you're broken and that they are more than ready to help you deal with whatever you need to.

I binge watched the whole show in about 4 months. I watched the boys grow up, and so did I. I learned so much from them, I loved them for who they are, I cried and laughed with them, I was scared and happy with them, I would stay up late at night just thinking about Dean and Sam and whatever they were dealing at the moment or rant to my friend who never even watched the show about how much I love Castiel for being who he is.

Also, I fell in love with the actors. Jensen, Jared, Misha, later on Mark Sheppard, Alex Calvert,... I laughed for hours when watching their panels, comic-cons and other interviews they did. I learned about the always keep fighting campaign, and much much more.

I was happy to be in this fandom.

And so, I want to thank them for giving us the opportunity to watch Sam and Dean's adventures. I want to thank Jensen, Jared and Misha for sticking with the show for years, for giving us a ticket for the most wild and exciting ride that will always be a great, bright memory in our lives.

You guys left a legacy behind, a big legacy. As long as there's us out there, you will never be forgotten. The show will never be forgotten as long as there's people to remember it and talk about it, write fanfictions about it, re-watch it, laugh about it.

The show might be ending, but what it's left behind, that never ends. This family the show has built, there is no other like this one. There's no other Fandom like ours. This fandom is much more than just a fandom. This fandom is also a place where everyone is welcome, there is no judgments, no hate. This fandom is a family. A legacy. Not much shows can say that they've left a legacy behind. Right?

As much as I am sad the show's ending, I'm happy it happened. I'm happy I got to see 15 seasons of it, knowing many shows don't make it past 10. I'm happy I got to see Team Free Will kicking names and taking asses.

So, don't cry because it's over. Smile, because it happened. Part of a journey is the end, but then, nothing really ends.

Carry on... ❤️