#also i can't believe people think my struggles to be included in discussions about pregnancy due to uninclusive language

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

😒

[eobarried]

i'm sure someone has made a post about this before, but i can't get it out of my head so i'm going to reason it out in a post. mouthwashing, to me, is an analogy for addiction. swansea's straightforward discussion of it, i think, is a blatant indication of less obvious addiction analogies throughout the work.

mainly, i want to discuss anya here.

i feel like anya's storyline tends to be narrowed down to the single point of her assault and subsequent pregnancy. but the thing i love about mouthwashing (and neon genesis evangelion, which mouthwashing takes massive notes from) is that all of the characters are full, well-rounded people with identities that can't be narrowed down to a single plot point of aspect of identity. while anya's struggle with her assault and pregnancy are important parts of her story, and the story of the crew as a whole, i want to focus on what i believe is how she, as a character, struggles with addiction.

specifically, i think anya is meant to be addicted to pills, or the pain medication found on the ship - and potentially alcohol as well. here are a few reasons why i believe the game alludes to anya's addiction, despite never saying so out loud:

jimmy mentions, multiple times, that anya did not complete medical school, but never mentions why. he alludes to the fact that he believes she is too squeamish to feed curly his medication - but the idea that anya was unable to complete her education due to such a thing is very clearly not the case. she is the first responder who tended to curly's wounds immediately after the accident (which, we would assume, included the amputation of his limbs, potentially), and she never expressed discomfort with a much more difficult task: changing his bandages. anya's excuse to jimmy that she doesn't want to hear the noises curly makes while he's fed his medication doesn't make sense considering that changing his bandages would be far more painful for him. i think that it's far more likely that either anya wants jimmy to give curly the medication either as a way to distract jimmy, or as a way to distance herself from the pills. i think anya may have failed to complete her education for an entirely different reason: mainly, due to her dependence on opioids.

furthermore, when jimmy interacts with the pills, they are oxycodone, and the game refers to it as "the good stuff." i think that oxycodone was used in the game, specifically, to target the player's association with the opioid crisis. oxycodone was one of the first major drugs associated with the opioid crisis - at least in america - and i believe that association is intentional. furthermore, there are a wide variety of pain medications that are used more commonly than oxycodone today that don't have the same association. i am not a medical professional, but from the limited knowledge i have, i would expect something like morphine to be stocked in a ship's emergency supplies, not oxycodone. morphine is an older and often cheaper substance, and therefore would be more common, especially for a shitty company like pony express.

in addition to this, anya doesn't tell jimmy about the pills stashed in the locker until they're almost out of pills in the med bay. it's very strange that the only things in that locker were an alcohol-based disinfectant and opioids. why were they in a locker outside the medbay? who put them there? the only two options that come to mind are either that curly knew of swansea's alcoholism and anya's addition and stored the pills away, or that anya secreted them away herself. the fact that there is a separate, secret stash of medication that is not stored in the medbay also displays the habits of an addict - hiding one's addition from prying eyes so that one can maintain the semblance of normality.

lastly, i think that anya's storyline in general correlates to the mindset of an addict who was ashamed of her addiction, and desperately trying to regain control of her life so that she could recover.

anya possesses both incredible self-control while at the same time having little to no bodily autonomy. she is constantly issuing suggestions to jimmy of ways to correct the path they've been set on - either to keep him occupied and avoid the potential consequences of leaving him unoccupied, or to actually assist in the recovery of their ship. she's the only one who remains level-headed enough to not only issue those commands and keep the most volatile member of their crew on his feet and distracted, but at the same time, she's able to save a horribly wounded burn victim with what few supplies they have - including amputating his hands and feet, as well as bandaging his entire body. anya is an extraordinarily capable and levelheaded woman.

and yet, she is still addicted. even while she performs these amazing feats, she is acutely aware that while she may be able to control things outside of her body, her own autonomy is compromised by her addiction. she wants to regain control of her life and finally remove herself from the addiction in the wake of this tragedy. i think that anya is meant to be the personification of what's called a "functional" addict - someone who is able to perform their duties accurately and effectively, but still struggles behind the scenes. and here, in the wake of this tragedy, anya is faced with a horrible reality: she can't do both. she can't feed her addiction and perform her duties as a doctor effectively. she can't pop pills she should be giving to curly.

and it is here that i believe her personification as a addict aligns with her identity as a survivor of rape. neither her assault nor her addiction were anya's fault, and yet they both leave her feeling like she has no control over her own body. while many players view anya not drinking the mouthwash as her trying to protect her pregnancy, i actually think that it was instead her trying desperately to wrench back some semblance of control - over both the situation and her own addiction. she compensated by depriving herself of substances that could fuel her addiction, trying desperately to regain some sense of self-worth as a doctor, and autonomy even under the control of her abuser.

i think the mouthwash in and of itself is a good analogy for her. it kills 99.9% of germs - it has health benefits. it should be a good thing, medically speaking. however, like anya says in the game - its sugar content makes it functionally useless as an antiseptic. under normal circumstances, anya is a good doctor, even if she isn't functioning at 100% because of her addiction. she's still functional. but in an emergency situation, like this - that aspect of her , the sugar, the little bit that doesn't actually help medically, but just makes the experience that much more tolerable - poisons the whole.

when thinking of anya in this way, it makes sense that she would have taken her own life, especially in the way that she did. anya likely thought that taking her own life in such a horrible situation was the only way she could have any control over her own body - but the way she did so was cruelly ironic. if anya was addicted to pain medication, and attempting to wean herself off of them in order for curly to withstand his own pain - then her using those same pills to take her life is also, in a way, succumbing to her lack of autonomy.

regardless of whether or not mouthwashing is meant to be read this way, i think viewing anya as an addict is an interesting concept and provides an extra layer regarding the conversation the game presents regarding addiction, control, autonomy, and mortality. and i hope that anyone who reads this, even if you don't agree with my analysis, at least looks at the game in a different light when considering it.

[haha--lorge]

hiiii, I'm K (he/him & she/her) and welcome to my belly kink blog

kinks listed from biggest turn on to mildest enjoyment

pregfat (combining pregnancy and weight gain is THE hottest thing to me)

big pregnancies (it starts becoming hot to me from triplets onwards)

weight gain (funnily enough i don't really care about the feeding part of feedism, just about the wg part)

magical and/or rapid pregnancies and/or weight gain (i don't have any patience, basically)

asses and thighs, i cannot stress enough how important fat asses and thighs are to me

unbirth (though i usually go for it without age regression)

hucows, the sacred combination of pregfat and animalistic/monstrous traits

brats, especially bratty men that i can manhandle around

public embarssment (not downright humiliation, but i do like it when someone gets embarassed about the kinky things happening to them, ideally with people around them assurimg them they're fine or thinking it's all normal via reality altering)

tight and unfitting clothes

struggles with mobility (wether i enjoy immobility highly depends on the circumstances, but i love a good 3 or 4 attempts at sitting up scenario)

burping

vore (ive been getting into that lately, but i'm mostly clueless on the ins and outs. can't beat a good ol big tummy though)

painless gore. sometimes i'm into digging through someone's entrails, but this is largely disconnected from my other kinks. i'm not into bursting for example

thick necks (this probably won't come up much here but it does fluster me so i may occasionally bring it up)

bascially i just like it when a body changes drastically and unrealistically in a short amount of time

some important points

i am over 18, and so should you be. blogs under 18 or without ages will immediately be blocked

same goes for proshippers. incest and pedophilia have no place on this blog. those are not kinks, go to therapy

i believe in and advocate for fat liberation. being fat must be accepted by the wider society as something morally neutral, so that anyone who chooses to gain or lose weight does so for their own happiness first and foremost

i'm pro-choice. i firmly believe the best way to enjoy pregnancy is to feel safe in knowing that you can safely terminate it any time you please and for any reason whatsoever, including no reason at all.

this blog runs on a queue, mostly because i hate any of my blogs being inactive for long periods of time. keep in mind that just because I'm posting something horny, doesnt neccesarily mean i'm horny in that moment (the queue is also randomised often. mostly irrelevant but just an fyi)

I respond to asks very slowly. pls be patient with me 🥺

i draw!! please look at my drawings. pls <3

given that i'm nonbinary it probably won't surprise you that i LOOOVE gender fuckery and fucking with gender presentation and societal notions and all that. i find it hot, but it's not a downright kink, but it WILL show up in a lot of my posts

birthing is a turn-off for me in pregnancy. just to get that out there 🧍

anything focusing exclusively on breasts is also a turn-off to me

i appreciate anyone who tags these things so that i may block the tags <3

some fantasies i write or reblog go into the realm of coming out of nowhere and being thrust upon the recipient. it always comes around to being thoroughly enjoyed though and i want to do my best to stress the importance of consent. i think it's hotter when people agree to do kinky shit first but MAN is it hard to find fantasies that apply that

being silly is important to me! i want to make jokes i want to have fun i want to be lighthearted in these fantasies, even when being horny! so i make a lot of jokes and often draw or write things that are supposed to be at least a little funny

i don't do rping but i'm absolutely willing to discuss kinky fantasies. talk to me! i may not want a big audience but i love connecting with the audience i have

words tend to fail me when i get horny, mostly because english is not my first language. when i just tag a post with various emojis or <3s then you just have to accept that thats the best my mushy brain can do

i also have coloured heart tags that relate to characters i love and imagine in kinky scenarios. i'm far too embarassed to just say their names most of the time but art of them i draw is also tagged with colour coordinated hearts so you can figure things out from there. two hearts in a tag are for ships

alright its about time i made an actual intro post

[bookshelf-in-progress]

1 and 20 for the ask meme?

Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

It's the time of year for pre-revolutionary Arateph, specifically, my retelling of "The Princess and the Pea." It's set about six years or so before the revolution, when a recent assassination attempt has forced Auren and his mother to go into hiding at an obscure royal property. After a storm takes down the palace's security measures and communications, an intruder approaches, who claims to be the daughter of a Great Lord and in need of shelter. If they turn her away, they risk destroying a tenuous political relationship. If they let her in, they risk letting in another assassin. So they have to approach this very delicately while finding a way to verify her claims.

I had multiple versions of roughly four chapters roughed out before, from the POV of the queen and the intruder. I'm editing those right now, and it's going well because I'm cutting it down to what I always wanted the story to be, and where I wanted it to start, before I started tacking on extra backstory. I think I've got a pretty good idea of how I want to update the old stuff, and a better notion of where to go after that, but we'll see if when we get there.

I'm really excited to retell this fairy tale in particular, because there's so much potential for drama. It's really focused on three people learning about each other, clearing up lies and dispelling misconceptions. But I'm also excited because one of the breakthroughs I had for how to fix some of the plotting problems was that I need to give the servants personality, and get them involved with the intruder. I don't have much yet, but just the idea is fleshing out the story and the world in a way that it desperately needed.

I'm also working on adapting one event from Marastel and Jemrauth's courtship into an actual short story. I've got a solid outline roughed out, and I'm excited to see if I can pull off the climactic moment in an interesting and believable way.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

I'm going to talk about the development of the relationship between Auren's parents, Jemrauth and Marastel. In the one line of "Out of the Tomb" where Marastel's mentioned, all I say is that she miscarried nine babies before Auren. When I started digging deeper into this universe, it struck me just how ridiculously sad that is. Especially for a queen who's expected to continue a dynasty.

When it came to their marriage, I had assumed, based on how the royals are discussed, that perhaps Marastel was a decent person, but the king was a self-centered tyrant who lived up to the reputation for royal decadence, and he was a jerk to Marastel about the failed pregnancies. But then I realized that nine is a rather large number, and implies a long struggle. If the king stuck with her through that many failures, without casting her off for another wife, that implies intense devotion. He stuck to her even when it looked like the royal line was going to fall. And that becomes much more interesting than a stereotypical Decadent King. Especially since I added in some influence of the story of Franz Ferdinand and his wife--he fell in love with a noblewoman's lady-in-waiting, his father forbid the marriage for years, but he refused to marry anyone else until the emperor was forced to relent. Their struggle to conceive is much more painful when it comes after fighting the entire world just to be able to get married, and it gives that much more intensity to their loyalty and love. Jemrauth went from Terrible Husband to the World's Most Loving Husband, and I love it so much that I can't believe I considered anything else.

[the-rockstar-lestat]

I've recently become interested in astrology. Not surprising, I suppose , it's all over the internet lately, I'm more surprised it took me this long. I did have to ask Gabrielle what time I was born, as it wasn't something we'd ever discussed. She told me, and I quote "lestat, dear child, do you think after nine pregnancies and seven births I remembered a thing like what time I was finally free of you accursed things?" Which, first of all , fascinating way to look at the miracle of childbirth, Mother, but I can't say I blame her. She did manage to remember it was morning, and I think that's all we're going to get. Anyway, perhaps the time I made up was correct because, I believe the phrase is, this chart was AT-ing me. So here we are, presented with commentary.

(Also do you know how long it took me to find a site that allowed me to enter the year 1758?)

"Sun in Scorpio

The sun determines your ego, identity, and "role" in life. It's the core of who you are, and is the sign you're most likely to already know. Your Sun is in Scorpio, meaning you have a fundamental urge to get to the bottom of things, which can at times lead you to be manipulative or power-hungry, but it comes down to an intense passion for authenticity, real intimacy, and the truth. It's in your twelfth house, meaning you feel the need to distinguish yourself from others through privacy, secrets, and introspection."

Well this comes as no surprise. I knew I was a Scorpio, passionate, sensual, easily angered, and ruled by emotions. I've been told Scorpios are one of the harder zodiac signs to put up with, with intense personalities. Guilty. I do like it mentioned my need to authenticity and tendency for introspection, which people often forget about.

"Ascendant in Sagittarius

Your ascendant is the "mask" you present to people. It can be seen in your personal style and how you come off to people when you first meet. Some say it becomes less relevant as you get older. It changes every two hours, so if it doesn't make sense, text your mom to confirm your birth time. Your Ascendant is in Sagittarius, meaning you come across as independent, optimistic, and confident, though sometimes overly blunt or critical. Generally a charming conversationalist, your free-spirited approach may come off as restless or easily bored."

Well I don't know how much older I'll have to get before it's less relevent, because I think "independent, optimistic, and confident, though sometimes overly blunt" is probably how most people would describe me if they're being kind. As is restless and easily bored.

"Moon in Aquarius

The moon rules your emotions, moods, and feelings. This is likely the sign you most think of yourself as, since it reflects your personality when you're alone or deeply comfortable. Your Moon is in Aquarius, meaning your emotional self is intuitive, observant, detached, and rational. You are often in your own world, but are scared of how you truly feel. It's in your second house, meaning you find security and safety through money and material possessions."

And this is where the relentless @-ing appears. In my own world? Scared of how I truly feel? I'm in this picture and I don't like it. Find safety through money and material things? We WONT bring up what Louis calls my tendency to throw money at problems. The Valentines Day debacle, anyone?

"Mercury in Scorpio

Mercury determines how you communicate, talk, think, and process information. It also indicates how you learn. It is the mind's planet. Your Mercury is in Scorpio, meaning your intellect is intense, serious, and obsessive. You have tendency to see things that others don't through your perceptive and insightful intuition. You don't take things lightly and like to get straight to the point, which can come off as harsh, suspicious, or intrusive. You tend to communicate through your body language. It's in your eleventh house, meaning you are curious about and inclined to analyze your friends, how to make an impact on people, and your political life."

Yes, THANK YOU, I'm actually quite intelligent, I'll remind you, people don't remember that because I do hide it under a lot of LOUD, see aforesaid ascendent in Sagittarius, but I spend a lot of time --too much time--thinking. And I have been called blunt. And as I've been called animated more times than I'd like to count, the expressing things through body language is true.

"Venus in Libra

Venus determines how and what you love. It indicates how you express affection and the qualities you're attracted to. Your Venus is in Libra, meaning your romantic side is idealistic and eager-to-please. You want an equitable relationship, and you're willing to make compromises to get there. You can be a little self-obsessed, and may have trouble being realistic or loyal in your relationships. It's in your eleventh house, meaning that for you, love is often expressed in social status, including platonic and casual friends, along with your hopes, wishes, and dreams."

....... Presented without further comment.

"Mars in Sagittarius

Mars is the planet of aggression. It determines how you assert yourself, take action, and the energy that surrounds you—particularly in your sex life, your ambitiousness, and when you're angry. Your Mars is in Sagittarius, meaning you assert yourself in a way that pushes boundaries, you easily become impatient and restless, and you push things forward with more vision than thoughtfulness. It's in your first house, meaning you put a lot of energy into your self and self-image—and, because it's your first house, your Mars in Sagittarius is hyper-present in your personality."

More vision than thoughtfulness can shut up. It's not wrong but it can shut up

"Jupiter in Sagittarius

One of the two social planets, Jupiter rules idealism, optimism, and expansion. It's also very philosophical. Your Jupiter is in Sagittarius, meaning you grow and find understanding through questioning, curiosity, independence, and debate. It's in your first house, meaning you find success through your self and self-image—and, because it's your first house, your Jupiter in Sagittarius is hyper-present in your personality."

A little too much questioning and curiouity, hmm, Marius?

"Saturn in Aquarius

The other social planet, Saturn rules responsibility, restrictions, limits, boundaries, fears, and self-discipline. Your Saturn is in Aquarius, meaning you struggle with obstinacy, a superiority complex, and being overly detached. It's in your third house, meaning you have had difficulties with the things you know and are familiar with."

Me??? A superiority complex????? Obstinate? You know, I'm almost flattered. Just call me the Brat Prince, chart, it'd be faster.

"Uranus in Pisces

Uranus stays in each sign for seven years, meaning it rules a generation more than a person. It rules innovation, rebellion, and progress. Your Uranus is in Pisces, meaning other generations are shocked by your generation's sense of empathy, dreaminess, and gentle nature. It's in your third house, meaning that for you, this manifests in rebelling against dated expectations about the things you know and are familiar with."

I wouldn't call my generation empathetic or gentle, but we were thoughtful. Though compared to some, perhaps we were.

I do not choose to coment on rebelling against dated expectations , as once again, they don't call me the Brat Prince for nothing.

"Neptune in Leo

Neptune stays in each sign for around fourteen years, meaning it rules a generation more than a person. It rules dreams, imagination, and the unconscious. Your Neptune is in Leo, meaning your entire generation finds inspiration through magnanimity, leadership, thinking big, and confidence. It's in your eighth house, meaning that for you, this manifests in your ideal—verging on unrealistic and impractical—about darkness, taboos, rebirth, sex, and transformation."

This is a bit more how is describe those of us who were Young in the years just before the French Revolution. We were throwing ourselves into a new world, a world we were determined to make, and unafraid of the darkness we were about to fall into.

"Pluto in Sagittarius

Pluto stays in each sign for up to thirty years, meaning it rules a generation more than a person. It rules power, intensity, obsession, and control. Your Pluto is in Sagittarius, meaning your generation's psyche is comparatively positive, free-spirited, curious, optimistic, forward-looking, independent, and confident. It's in your first house, meaning you personally are transforming your self and self-image—and, because it's your first house, your Pluto in Sagittarius is hyper-present in your personality."

As is this. The Age of Enlightenment. I do wish some of us were still around

Now tell me, friends and fans and fellow Scorpios, do you agree with the stars?

[luvdsc]

Hihi Cat! I've come to deliver some good news! (This is pretty long huhu ToT)

MY ERB HAS BEEN APPROVED AND I CAN PROCEED TO RECRUIT PARTICIPANTS!! Ahh it's been such a blessing to be able to proceed immediately! I've actually hit my target amount of participants in less than a day (IT'S CRAZY) but I'm gonna collect more responses cuz the more the better! (Would you wanna check the questionnaire out? I can PM you the link!! :3)

Also also I PASSED THAT FINALS! The one I took a day after my vaccination (1st dose) ToT GAHH I'm so happy I won't even ask for more, it's enough :3

I've been writing my thesis during this sem break but it's progressing pretty slowly cuz I've been so drained from last semester and the vaccine itself. Huhu but I've written a brief rundown for my proposal so there's a rough idea there, just needa rly assemble it into a clear narrative. And yes I agree! Psychology studies are a beautiful fusion of science & human essence imo, and its fascinating learning more abt ourselves and how we as the human species progress in life ya know? 😌

I got my second dose exactly a week ago and got the same side effects - headache, arm soreness, hunger, fatigue; I felt like a fusion of psyduck & snorlax HAHAHAHA 😂 - it wasn't anything serious so yay I'm fully vaccinated! (in a few weeks time keke I'll be)

HAHAHAHA my vaccination appointments were pretty eventful. The nurses and volunteers were all so warm and friendly! I'm the type of person who feels whatever's being injected into me, it's not the pain that I wanna distract myself from (it wasn't pain tbh) but that sluggish discomfort I get from the needle ejaculation >//< sooo as they showed me the vile and syringe before injecting me, I prepped my Yangyang photocard in my hand. During my second dose, the nurse thought I had some fancy way of taking a video when in actual fact I was just looking at my Yangyang photocard hehe UwU she asked me whether I wanted to see the needle going in (smtg I can't look at tbh) and I was like HELL NAH ToT

And also some recap from the previous ask!

There's no need to apologise for the delayed response okie!! UwU my sem break is ending this week, but I've spent my time completing my academic research trainee tasks (transcribing audio clips), I've also created the content & design for my uni's newsletter, did some thesis writing, and I took a course on financial planning on Coursera to prep myself for the adulting life ToT

And idm sharing my back up / failed topics! I didn't have a lot of cards in my hands, but here are some of em!

1) time perspective and meaning in life 2) anticipatory nostalgia 3) not a topic but a variable! fragility of happiness / happiness aversion

what ideas did you settle on for yr art pieces? If you dm sharing, I'd love to hear abt it! 💖💖💖

Tbh I can't think of a fav ice cream flavor hmm 🤔 i rly didn't think it'd be so hard thinking of a fav ice cream flavor but the first that comes to mind is green tea! I like them milky flavored ice cream😍 though my fav from this ice cream place I go to is thai milk tea, it's so fragrant and milky!! 🥺💖 I just got myself a tub of milk & biscoff gelato keke UwU what's yr fav ice cream flavor? :3

For my course structure:

We have 2 long sems (Jan - Apr, & Aug - Dec, 16 weeks) & a short sem (May - July, 9 weeks)! Our sem breaks are only around a month then it's back to sleepless nights ToT AND YES those weeks were the most stressful weeks ever 🥺😭 I'm glad I'm graduating soon for that reason 😂(though idk what awaits in the working world ToT that is another fear I have :/)

Thank you for being part of this journey and being open to listening to my lil adventures! 🥺🙆🏻‍♀️💖😭 esp w the amount of responses and ppl helping me, I feel a lil more motivated to work and excel in this pregnancy (thesis, I call it pregnancy cuz it's around 9 months too HEHE) Since the pandemic, it's been pretty hard separating studies & hobbies :/ I've learnt it the hard way from my period cramps last sem (mine's the severe type where you can faint ToT), and it was also on my last paper for finals !! Very traumatizing ._. but I'll continue to manage myself better! :3

Huhu Cat since you're working now, I also wanna ask abt yr experience in job seeking! Cuz unemployment is a real deal here esp. w everything that's going on :') I don't have working experience either (only had 1 through internship) and it literally feels like I'm going into the unknown ToT I've been running over some case studies and assessments just to better prep myself for this. Do you have any advice as someone who's already working? UwU

Take care and stay lovely as always!! 💖💖💖

hi, sweetpea !!!! 🌸 omg major congratulations for getting your ERB approved, honey bee !!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 that’s absolutely amazing, and I’m uber proud of you 🥺💗💗 also, it’s wonderful that you hit the required number of participants so quickly !!!!! (And I would love to participate if the questionnaire is still open 🤧)

AND HECK YEAAA CONGRATS ON PASSING THE FINAL TOO 🤩🤩🤩🤩 big congrats to you all around, miss smarty pants 💓💓💓

Oh gosh, I hope you got to rest during your semester break too ): you’re working so hard, please remember to take care of yourself !! 💕 your mental health is more important 🤍 have you finalized your proposal now? And omg yes exactly !!! It’s so interesting to see the thought process behind an action and how it can be manipulated or influenced by various stimulants or there’s also the argument between nature versus nurture too and how that affects psychology and it’s just all so cool to learn about 🤩

Omg you had so many symptoms, I’m so sorry to hear that 😭 I only had a sore arm, but that’s what happens when I get any shot 🤧 I hope you’re feeling better now 💘💘

I’m really glad to hear that the nurses and volunteers were kind and friendly !! it’s always comforting to have nice people as doctors, especially when you’re trusting them to stick a needle in you bshdjdjdkd omg yangyang to the rescue !!!! 💞💞 we’re not allowed to record record any medical appointments, like I think the nurse thought the person in front of me in line was recording when they were getting their vaccine and said they weren’t allowed to do that 😅 and aaaaa I always have to look when they inject me, I don’t like being taken by surprise 🤧

oh my gosh you were so productive over your semester break !!!! :o and oooo you do content & design for your school’s newsletter? Do you do stuff like graphic designing and write articles? 💓 and how was the financial planning course !! Did you learn a lot? Did you like the studies? :’)

aaaaa those topics sound so cool ??? 🤩🤩 I would definitely be down to read about those omg 💛

for my 3D design class, I decided to do lightbulbs and flowers as my overarching theme for my art pieces !! I included a couple pictures below under the cut at the bottom 💓 the first one is a soft sculpture made out of newspaper, and there’s a pencil next to it for size reference, the second one is made of wires that I shaped myself, and the third one is made of foam boards that I cut and assembled myself as well 💕 and I included a picture of my final painting project! it’s a triptych and I believe the size was like 18 x 24 for each one? If you click on the picture, it should be better quality!

omg I love green tea ice cream too !!!!! 🍵🍦 I like going to somi somi for their matcha and milk swirl ice cream with red bean taiyaki 💚 I only had thai milk tea ice cream once, but it was phenomenal 🤩 I wish they sold it near me too !! milk and biscoff :o I’ve never tried that flavor! I’ll have to see if it’s sold around here :’) green tea is my favorite, but I also really like everything but the... from Ben and Jerry’s !! 💛 also alcoholic ice cream.... like there’s this one kind where it was a breakfast esque type with vanilla, corn flakes, and bourbon, and it was delicious 😋

omg what 😭😭 you’re basically going to school year round with no break bahsjdjdjdkd when I was in uni, i had a month off for winter break (usually something like dec 9 - jan 9) and then mid june to mid September off, so around three months of summer vacation? Your school schedule sounds absolutely brutal 💀💀

and omg of course !!! Thank you for letting me be a part of the journey 🥺💗 bdjdjddj pregnancy omg that’s such an interesting way of seeing it :o sending you all my love and support for a successful delivery of your thesis baby 🥰🥰 oh yeah, it’s definitely been a struggle to separate everything, especially when the lines between home and workspace blur with online school or working from home. And oh my god ???? Are you okay ?? Did you go see a doctor or take any medication? I hope you’re feeling better now !! Please take care of yourself 😭

ah, I got my job through my internship, so I’m not sure how helpful I will be 😅 but during the process of interviewing for internships, there were several rounds for each company that range from a group interview, a one on one interview, video interview where they give you random questions that you have to answer on the spot (some of mine were discuss the stock market, give a sales pitch on something you’re interested in, etc), a test, etc. I think it’s different depending on the job you’re going for, but that’s what I had to do in the business field! It’s important to study and prep for all of this!! It’s like taking an verbal exam for one of your classes. And also make sure to study the company’s website and familiarize yourself with what they do/sell.

My one piece of overall advice would be about interviews! Interviews are important in which the person interviewing you is seeing if you’ll be a good fit with the company, not in terms of skill, but personality. They already know you’re qualified and have good skills - that’s how you got the interview. With the interview, they’re essentially trying to see how personable you are and if you will work well with their team. Some people are so intent on proving their skills that they kinda just rattle off all their achievements and whatnot, and it’s like... the interviewer already knows this, it’s all on the resume they reviewed when they decided to give the interview offer. Be friendly, open, maybe make a little small talk at the beginning (“hey, how are you? any weekend plans / how was your weekend?” This is what I did for all my business interviews, and I got an offer back from every one 🤧💗), make appropriate jokes / be a little funny, just show that you’d be a fun person to have in the office whom people will want on their team, but that you will also be dedicated to the job and work hard 💘

And thank you so much, honey bee!!! 💞 I hope you’re doing well and having a good week , and please take care as well 🌷🌷

[rage-against-the-meyer]

Breaking Dawn (2008)

So, I've reviewed the other Twilight Saga books already, but I promiss you, this is gonna be the worst one yet. I must admit, as a 13-year-old girl this was my favorite book (don't kill me yet). I was growing up in a Dutch small Christian town that had had a big infuence on my views. In my mind, it was perfectly logical that the story ends with a child against all odd. As a grown-up Biomedical scientist, this does not go anymore. As such, I now view Breaking Dawm as the absolute worst one yet and here, I will tell you exactly why.

Breaking Dawn is a big fat book that consists of three different books. I will discuss the books seperately in fear that it might be too much otherwise.

Part I from Bella's point of view

It's no surprise that I actually do like this book. We get 6 chapters of sheer happiness and joy. Very much Edward/Bella intimacy and they finally have sex (woohoo). So what can I bitch about?

Well, actually not too much. I loved the wedding, the secret goodbyes (yes, I cried). I just believe that after the first 6 chapters Bella should have struggled with the decission to change instead of the pregnancy. Yes, Chapter 7 is the cursed chapter for me. It's the onset of all pending misery. Also, it is the first time that menstruations are mentioned and the weak excuse SM gave to explain the never-having-killed-her-due-to-smelling-period-blood on Edwards part is just that, weak. So, all-in-all, I hated this chapter but what comes after is exceedingly worse.

Part II from Jacob's point of view

I hate Jacob. That much hasn't changed. I hated the cold Jacob that is so prominent here very very much. Personal sun my ass. I have always loathed this POV but it offers us some interesting views on the wolves and the Quileute people. It was good to see the communication between the wolves, but it was also nonsense. The big difference between you can't hide what you think and thinking in directed full sentences became a blurry line that never really made sense to me. What was good about it, is that we saw how pure Seth's mind is and how deeply hurt and actually good Leah is. Seth, a mere teenager, is objectively one of the purest characters I have ever read and that's on that. The faint influence of the coming Gen Z was shimmering through in his defiance of made boundaries in communication: Seth saw the good in the Cullens and defied his tribes prejudice. Good for him. Leah, of course, is one of the most denied characters in the series. Such a fierce young woman that has suffered so much is the only character that does not get redemption. It is absolutely outrageous and I agree with many that it shows SMs prejudice against women of colour. She gets literally nothing. She stands on her own in a group of men that mock her for her guard as she has to suffer through knowing her ex's love for his new love. Then, of course, she cannot have children and she gets no love interests. To through all these (in SMs mind) limitations only at one of the few POC is not great. I do like the fact that Leah and Jacob become closer and that Leah cares most for Seth. It's not enough, though. Leah should have gotten the trip to go to college somewhere far away, paid for by the Cullens out of sheer gratitude. She should have everything and all but through Bella's (read: SMs) mind she is still depicted as sad, lonely and bitter. To show a woman's anger like that is straight up misogynistic. Great start.

Jacob's story skips so many valuable parts of Bella's story, which we have been focussing on until now, and it makes so little sense that Jacob would be there for all the important interactions.

In Jacob's part, some shocking facts become clear. As a biomedical scientist, I have been holding back the outrageousness of this one: the chromosomes.

Vampires are frozen in time; after the change, their bodies don't change anymore. They also don't grow new or longer hairs, new teeth, anything. They are frozen in time. Curiously, they still have a need to feed (blood) and their consumption influences four things: their thirst, the colour of their eyes, their strength and their behaviour. I will tell you why this makes absolutely no sense. In humans, we feed for much the same reasons: we don't get hungry, we stay alive, become stronger and we are nicer when we aren'r hungry. This influence is exerted by the distribution of food molecules throughout the body; to the brain, to the muscles, the organs, you name it. Vampires don't have blood, their distribution of food molecules would be so slow that it would take days if not weeks for the molecules to get to the eyes or the brain. We know vampires aren't mushy inside to increase the distribution so how does it work? It eludes me, I'll tell you. Also, every part of the vampire body is supposed to be solid. Where does the liqud from the blood go? A human averagely holds 5 litres of blood. That is a lot. And since the body doesn't change, where does the liquid go? Aside from the distribution, it makes even less sense that any of these factors should be influenced by anything at all. It is likely that vampires still have cells, their bodies still need to create impulses, movements, talk etc. But their bodies don't changes anymore, so after the change the cells stop producing hair molecules? Why don't the hairs drop anymore? It is so dumb that SM suggested a certain balance between the actiond that continue and actions that don't. We still move the muscles but they can't grow anymore but the cells in the muscle stay active?? This brings me to the chromosomes.

So, Carlisle has tested human, vampire and werewolf (without consent) blood. He found that vampires have 25 chromosome pairs, werewolves 24 and humans 23 chromosome pairs. His findings and his tone suggest that he attributes all the vampire qualities to the 2 extra chromosomes. Now, with everything that I have just explained, I see no possiblity behind that. The venom of a vampire just adds two pairs of chromosomes to your cells? One from your mother and one from your dad? And then, these chromosomes are able to pinpoint exactly with genes to silence and which to activate and that is enough to make your skin hard as granite? No way. The body makes strong pieces, but still the strongest is the teeth. Strong but not as strong as SM thinks.

All-in-all this science is straight up the biggest fucking bullshit I have ever seen. There is just no logic behind the logic SM gave. It doesn't stop here, though. No. I am 100% convinced that SM has not had any sex talk ever in her life. She started with Edward's 100-year-old sperm being vital enough to produce a baby. This sperm is saved at approxomately the temperature of a rock/as cold as ice. This is far far far too high a temperature to preserve sperm cells for long, let alone a 100 years. So, No. No, again. Then, Edward's dick is magically able to get hard without any liquids in the body? No. And THEN, his human sperm cells (human but also vampire?) are able to make a zygote with Bella's egg cell??? A zygote with 24 (!!!) chromosome pairs???? So, it's one of each of Bella's, one of each of Edward's and then just one of the two vampire pairs?????? No. Nah-ah.

I haven't been this vocal about any of my other issues, including racism and other forms of discrimination. Somehow, I have accepted that these concepts come from very well-preserved ideas and I can plainly discuss this matter. However, the pain Stephenie Meyer has put me through as a scientist is still very unknown to me and it annoys me to the core.

I suppose, while I'm on the matter, I should address the elephant in the room. Resumé. Renesue is the embodiment of everything Bella didn't need. The book should have ended before the pregnancy. A story of a woman that found a love in a vampire and she needed nothing else in her life but him. This was the story we were promissed. And then, SM takes her turn to make the last non-conservative woman in the book a mother (her being a mother will come later).

In conclusion, this part stretched every nerve in my body and made me cringe so hard I felt sick.

Part III from Bella's point of view

I'm not gonna lie, I have been pretty dark about the last part. But I LOVE Bella as a vampire. The tranquil chapters where she learns everything about being a vampire made me confident I wanted to be one. I loved Bella more confident and comfortable. I loved the new ease between Bella and Edward. Tranquil, as I said.

Of course, these chapters are overshadowed in part by Rususme. I don't mind the child. It seems nice enough - SM made it pure. But Bella is not a very caring mother. She meets her daugther and then, both Edward and her really don't mind her. They have no urge to be with her and have no trouble letting her go. They go have sex the whole night instead of looking at Relsume's dreams. Then, there is the fact that all tense and loaden discussions are held in the presence of the exceptionally perceiving child. Edward can SEE that she understands tensions. It's so fucking dumb. It really bothered me the last time I read it, maybe because I've matured or maybe because I didn't really care the first time.

When it comes to the final battle approaching, I enjoyed that. I loved Alice's plan. I like the Volturi and their grand dramatic scheming and such. I loved the new characters very much. I think they added a whole new demension to the story. I would have been there for Edward and Bella traveling around the world meeting these people with the oncoming thread of genocide for a child as well though. Of course, the racism is back. The Amazonian and Egyptian vampires are so blatantly racistly described. In that aspect, the movie deserves way more credit for giving us the straight up prettiest actors ever to cover this.

Wrongness continues as Jacob imprints (as the second wolf) in an infant. I know some people see no issue with this. SM tried to make it clear that it was just about her happiness by letting Edward see that Jacob wasn't thinking sexually about his equivalent-of-a-three-year-old child. I mean. Looking at this logically, it's disgusting and there is no changing my mind. Personally, I feel Jacob could have imprinted on any other female character (with the exception of Leah). For all I care it was a 35-year-old woman. But, reversed pedophilia (Jacob was still underage) isn't fun for SM so she sticks with what she knows.

I think I have adressed my most important issues. Please inform me if I've missed any. As usual, I urge you to inform yourself on the Quileut Tribe as it is and donate to them for SM has wronged and exploited them.

The Quileute Tribe

Information:

Donation:

TLDR: I curse Stephenie Meyer for creating that incredibly stupid child as a way to project Jacob's love to something of Bella. Please inform yourself on the Quileute Tribe and donate to them via the links above; SM has wronged them.

As a final note, I am a biomedical scientist at heart. I am always interested in a challenging topic, so fire away.