#also i Know my Feelings on the matter are somewhat ableist but i swear i'm working on it. urgh

[arcadian-vampire]

Ohh my fucking god... I am so so stupid sometimes??

I've literally been sitting here for ages (genuine hours) trying to figure out why I couldn't get the 'Even Peyote' stitch to work like it did in all the tutorials I attempted to follow, but I. cannot count.

I was sooo sure the main tutorial I looked at was using seven rows, because I counted them!! Repeatedly!!!!! Using my fingers and everything!!!!!!!! When they were in fact. using six rows. SIX. AN EVEN NUMBER. THIS STITCH NEEDS AN EVEN AMOUNT OF ROWS TO WORK. That should be obvious by the name, but I just?????? The tutorial had an odd number! So clearly an odd number would work for me too!!!! I counted, I swear!!!

I literally cannot count six things, and apparently can't pick up obvious context clues either! Like what the hell

I have this issue really really bad with stuff like baking too-- counting scoops of ingredients is so damn stressful, but I can't Explain it to anyone because I don't even understand it myself. I just. can't count sometimes. A lot.

I've heard of dyscalculia, but I've always been like 'well I can often add numbers decently, so I don't think I Can't Do Math At All', but jesus christ... It is Not Normal to spend hours trying to count six beads

I also have dyslexia, so it really shouldn't be surprising that I might have more. But god. This is so fucked

And I kNOW I have a Realization like this every few years, but listen. I also have memory issues. My brain is so fried 😮‍💨 I'm doomed to repeatedly be confronted with the fact that I'm a little bit stupid, and to be somehow surprised at it every single time