#also hope no one is offended by the way I wrote Meng Po's character

[xnuwax]

My life is his in every lifetime.

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"I don't think you two are meant to be together."

After zoning out for a while, my eyes darts back to the older woman in front of me. I can't help to clench my jaw so hard my head starting to ache.

She rolls her eyes at me and mutters something to herself. I'm probably pissing her off, but who cares?

"Why?" she lazily asks me with a cigarette in her mouth.

When I was alive, I always imagined her as a sweet and gentle old woman. But I guess this is what serving millions of soul does to you.

"I'm pretty sure you also asked me the same question the last time we met."

She gives me an innocent look. "So? I'm curious, that's all," she says and takes a deep puff of her cigarette.

I scrub my face with my hands and sighs. "I just want to protect him. To keep him safe from things that will hurt him. You know that."

"And look at you now. You're here. For the fifth time."

"I'm still going to end up here sooner or later."

"Well yeah, you don't get to choose when you die, that's not up for debate. But you actually have the choice to choose how you die. Why choose a painful death when you can die normally? There are many ways to die without going through a painful process. Or you didn't know that?" asks her. She's sliding down in her chair and crossing her arms.

Of course I know. But what can I do when he's always born with almost zero luck, and trouble always seems to follow him in every life? Just sit and watch him suffer? Hell no. Not on my watch.

"Looks like you have a lot of free time. Those souls queuing out there aren't enough to keep you busy huh?"

"Oh shut up. Fine. I'll let you go." She throws a glare at me as she gets up from her seat and grabs a laddle to scoop her iconic soup.

I hastily stop her before she pours the soup into the ceramic bowl. "Wait, you didn't even ask me if I wanted to drink the soup or not."

She looks at me with a 'seriously?' look on her face and I just mouth her a 'what?'

"Goodness, why do you love hurting yourself so much? Is this a kink of yours?"

I try my best to resist the urge to curse. I don't know what would happen to me if I cursed a deity, and I don't think I want to know either.

"Ma'am, just sign the paper please."

She let out a soft snort of amusement with lips quirks up. "You are a stubborn one aren't you?"

Seeing the impatient look on my face, she finally puts down her laddle and bowl. I close my eyes as she begins to sign a bunch of documents. The truth is, I really really want to forget everything. To start fresh, without countless memories dragging me down is something I've always dreamed of. But I need my memories to protect him. I don't care if what she said earlier was true, that me and him aren't meant to be together, I just really can't take the risk of losing him.

"There will be someone else in your place to protect him. It doesn't have to be you," she says, as if she could hear my thoughts. "You deserve to live a peaceful life. Just because you failed to save him in your first life, and that wasn't your job by the way, you lived a few years after that in guilt and then another 4 lifetimes of sacrificing yourself. Is that not enough?"

I don't know how to answer her so I just keep my mouth shut. The pain, the hell I've been through is nothing compared to seeing him died in agony. Everyone knows I've never been good at letting things go. If my life is the cost for him to live happily, then so be it. From the first day I met him, my life was already his.

"Maybe this time try to figure out a way to save him without having to exchange your life, alright? I don't want to see your pathetic face for at least another 80 years," she says and gives me my papers.

I let a laugh slip from my mouth as I take the paper from her hands. "Alright. Tell the old guys trio to bless me with lots of luck okay? They were so stingy last time geez."

Her grin changes into a fond smile and she noddes at me. "Yeah yeah. Now shoo, get out."

So I get up from my seat, and excuse myself out. Outside, I can see there are many souls still waiting to see the old lady inside. Many of them look nervous. Some of them look calm. Whatever, their feelings are none of my business.

My step feels light as I approach the bridge. The river down there honestly looks scary. They really should add cute ducks.

While waiting for my turn, my mind wander around. I don't know where they put him, so there is a chance I have to spend half of my life to find him. It doesn't matter, I'll always find a way. I don't mind if I have to do this a few more times.

All those years of running across the country in search of his traces was embarrassing. But I didn't regret it, a life without him isn't something I want. Although somewhere during my third life, I realized it was enough to watch him from afar.

Maybe one day the universe will take a pity on me and let him be mine. Until then, in every lifetime I'd still choose him, I'd find him again and again.