#also he's Deric's half brother (they have no clue)

[0tappaja0arts]

Is there... perhaps...perchance... anymore ocs... you'd like to share....:3:3:3:3:3:33:3:3:3:3:3:3:3:3:3:3:3:3

[likingletsplays]

The Nightmares (5/?)

Authors note: TW: Abuse TW Physical Abuse TW Verbal abuse

I do recommend if you get triggered easily that you skip this chapter

Chapter: One, Two, Three, Four (there is an extra one that is not part of the original posting)

Eric turned his head back towards Anti after a few minutes. Anti stood for a while, staring at the door evidently deep in thought. All Eric wanted to do was stare at Anti; he wanted to memorize the look on his face, the curve of his mouth, the color of his eyes. But he also couldn’t help but glance at the closed door. He knew why Randal had left with Green. Randal was always mad when he stayed to take care of him. He always resented Eric for protecting Derek. Eric’s eyes returned to Anti, who had sunk down onto the bed and pulled his feet underneath him. Anti opened his mouth several times, taking in a breath or two, like he wanted to say something but would then close his mouth shortly after.

Eric continued to watch Anti, trying to memorize his face until he could feel the tiredness of his body trying to pull him under, his lids getting heavier and heavier with each blink. Eric forced his aching body up into a sitting position

“Green said you were meant to relax.” Anti said quietly looking up from his hands that were folded in his lap.

“I don’t w-want t-to relax a-anymore. I don’t w-want t-to s-sleep.” Eric answered through a yawn and forcing his eyes back open.

“Why not?” Anti asked stretching his legs out and scooting closer to Eric.

“I…. I don’t w-want t-to dream.” Eric whispered unable to keep the shame and fear from coloring his voice. Eric blinked several times trying to hold back the tears but unable to.

“Eric,” Anti said turning to face him. He let his hand hover inches from Eric’s face, “I wish I could wipe your tears away, I wish I could take all your pain away. I won’t let anything else hurt you today. I will protect you. Green said once you fell asleep you’ll be safe to touch,” Anti let his hand drop back down into his lap, “I will protect you.”

A few more tears fell down Eric’s face as he kept eye contact with Anti a few moments longer before he slid back down onto his pillows. Eric took one last look at Anti before he let his heavy lids fall and let the darkness of sleep consume him.

His legs hurt. Eric groaned as he rubbed the end of them. It still weirded him out to see his legs end right after his knees. Eric looked over to the new cheap prosthetics that didn’t fit him well with sadness. He missed his legs. He missed being able to go and run or walk more than twenty yards without his legs screaming out in pain. He missed his mom. He glanced around the small two bedroom apartment and saw the clock read 9:30 PM. Eric sighed throwing his head back against the pillows. Eric had no clue where his dad was but it wouldn’t surprise him if he came home drunk again. The funeral earlier today had been hard on everyone present; but Eric knew it had been truly hard on him and his father. They had gone through something similar with his brothers funerals just five months earlier.

With a bang, the front door flew open, rebounding off the wall. Eric flinched at the loud noise and turned to see his father stumble in, a half-full bottle of Bombay gin in hand. He  he took another swig from the bottle and stumbled forward into the living room, the door swinging closed behind him. He gave Eric a dark look, which at this time had been one of the first times he had seen it, but now it was his warning of that was to come.

“Can’t –hic- look normal for a secon can you?” Derek asked focusing his eyes on Eric.

“I…” Eric said feeling uncomfortable, “my legs hurt t-the doctors s-said it w-would t-take a-at least t-three months t-to s-six a-at b-best b-before I w-would b-be a-able t-to leave t-them on for long periods of t-time.”

Derek slapped him across the face, a look of rage on his own, “I didn’t ash for your opinion,” he pointed his finger in Eric’s face, “So keep your –hic-  fucking mouth closed.” He swayed where he stood. He took another huge gulp of his drink. Eric rubbed the side of his face where he had been struck and nodded, fear jolting through his body. He had never seen his dad this angry or this drunk.  Derek took three more gulps from the bottle, then focused his angry eyes back on Eric, “you kknow it’s your fault. She coulda been alive if you knew how to be normal; if you had been willing to take the damn car to your therapy appointment.”Eric winced feeling the tears of shame fill his eyes. A soft echo could be heard in the air, Eric looked around truing to figure out what he was hearing. He turned his eyes back onto his father who had tilted the bottle back to finish the drink. “You should have died, not her. your mother was a stunning perfect angel….and you took her away from me!” Derek yelled tacking Eric.

“No!” Eric yelled, fighting to get his arms in front of his face to block his dad’s punches. Using his advantage of being on top of Eric, Derek trapped Eric’s arms under his legs. He punched him a few more times, swelling Eric’s already bruised and cut up face.

“STOP!” Eric heard faintly as he struggled to get one hand free as another blow hit his face. Eric finally got his hand free, and caught his father’s hand only meaning to push it away. Instead he went flying back. Deric looked up from the floor slightly dazed and confused. his left hand was bleeding. He gripped the part of the shattered bottle and lunged at Eric. His hands wrapped around his thought the glass digging into his lower jaw.

Eric let out a scream of pain when a much louder voice bellowed, “I SAID STOP!” the room shattered around Eric, making him remember that it was a dream and not a reality. Anti stomped forward, anger flashing in the glow of  his red and blue eyes. Eric stared at Anti realizing what he had just seen. This memory was something he hid from everyone. He curled in on himself, covered his face and cried.

“Shhhh.” Anti whispered walking up to Eric and encircling his arms around him. He pulled Eric into his lap and let him cry until he couldn’t cry anymore. “You’re alright. You’re safe. He won’t ever touch you again, even if I have to get in his way.”

“He isn’t the reason I’m crying.” Eric mumbled quietly looking up at Anti who lightly brushed Eric’s tears away.

Anti frowned, “Then why are you crying?”

“No one has ever…” Eric whispered forcing himself to keep eye contact with Anti, “Seen or heard about this. This is something I wanted to hide from everyone.”

“Why? If people knew this you would be free from him Eric.” Anti said.

Eric looked over Anti’s shoulder, taking a few moments to organize his thoughts. He watched in fascination as another world began to fall into place around them. A warm sunny day, a rolling hill of grass underneath them, and the sound of water lapping behind them. “I don’t want to be free from him Anti. I want to help him. If people knew this memory…all they would ever do is judge him. They would never see the good in him.”

“Cant you understand why we see him the way we do Eric?” Anti asked quietly, “He purposely hurts you. he reaches out to destroy you.” “I almost killed him. I owe him his life Anti.” Eric said quietly.

“How did you almost kill him?” Anti asked in disbelief.

Eric took a deep breath, and he could feel the memory trying to engulf him again. Anti held tight onto Eric’s middle, and snapped his fingers. Eric stared at a blank TV screen and no longer felt the pull of the nightmare. “Show me there.” Anti said motioning to the TV, “It’s a way to show what has happened without dragging you back in. just focus on the screen.”

Eric focused his eyes on the screen and saw the images appear. It was like he was watching himself in third person. Eric was pinned under his father, blood streamed from his open wound. Eric was screaming out in pain. He reached forward to push his father away to make the pain stop. His hand finally made contact with Derek’s chest and the man went flying across the room.

“I had to call an ambulance.” Eric whispered, “I couldn’t explain why I was bleeding and why he had a hand print burnt into his chest. he was in the ICU for ten days. I was so scared I couldn’t imagine loosing the only part of my family left so I deal with his outbursts. I keep my emotions to myself. And I make sure to never touch him when I feel the release.”

“Eric he was trying to murder you. You can’t play martyr here. This is also your life. You have meaning. Dark needs to know what happened today.” Anti said back his voice becoming angry.

Eric stood up, pulling out of Anti’s arms, “I don’t want my dad on the streets. And that is what Dark will do. I’d rather be a punching bag and know he is somewhere safe then not knowing anything.”

“We’ll figure out something I swear.” Anti promised standing up himself and placing his hand on Eric’s shoulders.

Eric couldn’t help but smile. He pulled Anti into a hug. He liked being in Anti’s arms. He liked the feeling of safety he got from it; he liked that he had been honest with Anti and he hadn’t tried to use it against him. “You know my dad wasn’t always that way.”

“I would assume so,” Anti replied lightly stroking his fingers back and forth across Eric’s back, “Considering how hard you are trying to protect him. And it’s not only that you almost killed him. You have to see or know there is a redeeming quality in someone to do what you do. Or your plain stupid and I don’t think you’re stupid.”

Eric chuckled, “He was the one who originally encouraged my passion in gardening. He helped me build my first small garden. He even helped me figure out how to major in business and minor in agriculture. He was supportive and loving. He cared for all of us boy’s individually. He could tell you something special about each one of us. He was the one who got me in therapy after….my brothers. He tried to be there even when he didn’t understand. And now I just wish I could have my dad back…I want the man that had nothing but love in his heart. I know that loss like that changes someone…I know that. I experienced it myself. I just wish…”

“I don’t want you to have him kicked out of the house Eric. I can see how much your father means to you. I just want him to get help. I want him to get sober and get the therapeutic help he obviously needs.” Anti whispered

“Where are we?” Eric asked pulling back slightly.

“We are in a park in London. If you ever come to visit me I’d love to take you here. We could feed the ducks, have a picnic, watch the sun set over the trees.” Anti said a soft smile on his lips.

“Have you brought Dark here?” Eric asked somewhat stiffly reluctantly pulling back out of Anti’s arms. The thought of Anti bringing Dark here, sharing an afternoon with everything that Anti had just described to Eric made him upset.

“What is your thing about Dark Eric? He and I are just friends.” Anti asked frowning

“Friends don’t converse in the hallway about talking Wilford into being with you two.” Eric snapped back crossing his arms.

“What are you talking about?” Anti asked looking completely confused.

“I heard you in the hallway. He had his arm around you.” Eric replied folding his arms across his chest.

The look of confusion cleared, “were you walking down the hall with Randal?”

“Yes.” Eric said after a slight hesitation.

Anti folded his hands, pressing them to his mouth for a few seconds. He took a deep shaking breath, “Eric that wasn’t about Wilford. All Dark and I are friends. I was talking to him about the guy I was interested in. I was confused and trying to understand. Because according to everyone else in the house, you were single. But you told me the guy I was interested in was with someone. So I was talking to Dark about it. The only person we could think of was Randal. That’s why I get….so crabby when you talk about him.”

“You….like….me?” Eric breathed out in a state of shock. He stared at the man in front of him. There was no way he liked him. He had to be joking; pulling a prank like his brothers used to. This was much worse of a prank than any of his brothers ever pulled but there was no way in hell that this man wanted anything other than friendship let alone finding him attractive. Because as much as he hated to admit it to himself, his dad had been right about him. There was nothing really useful about him. Yeah he could grow plants and animals were always following him around. but what did that matter in the grand scheme of things? He knew he was useless. And even if Anti was attracted to him, he shouldn't be. There were much better men and women out there. People who actually had meaning; people who were better than someone who could only be used to fuck because he was useless anyway. 

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