#also dr. sex is gonna be exploding a lot so I'll need help with that k ty

[cerealsnail]

@charlikesalmon cleric/sorcerer solidarity<3

[just-miru]

ok, i am back to explain this feeling or whatever i am experiencing because it has been bugging me for a while and i need to let it out otherwise i will explode-

not only that, but writing my thoughts down usually helps me analyse them better and stuff, so yeah :D

with that being said, prepare yourselves for my silly sexual identity lore! it's gonna be quite a long ride-

[mentions of sexual topics (nothing explicit, i think-) in relation to sexual attraction and identity + self shipping with fictional characters under cut]

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[tl;dr at the end]

ok, so-

my silly self is a sex favorable/neutral aegosexual with a pretty high libido - just a fancy way of saying i get horny without any reason in particular (/hj)

the wave of horny used to be somehow regular - a few days before and after my period. it has been like this since i was 14 or so.

but recently (for the past 2-3 months or so) it became irregular as fuck- you could say it takes me by surprise, hehe.

this isn't really be a problem tho since it doesn't actually affect my day to day life. like-

i get horny unexpectedly, but i can easily ignore the feeling since i don't actually have someone to direct it towards, if it makes sense.

or at least i didn't have someone to direct it towards until now-

it's the bastard man, of course, who else would have y'all expected-

now things get even more complicated and i'm not sure if i'll be able to properly explain what's going on-

first, i think i should talk about two labels which i thought described my experience, only to later find out they don't quite fit me (it's gonna be relevant, bear with me) - fictosexual and fictoromantic (in relation to self shipping with fictional characters)

i amma focus more on the fictoromantic label for now, since i can give a somehow clearer explanation.

so, as y'all sillies already know, i self ship with my beloved bastard. while i label the self ship as romantic since i am comfortable with and don't mind that label, i don't actually feel romantic attraction towards my bastard, therefore the fictoromantic label just doesn't work for me.

even so, i still love the bastard man, but not in a romantic way, ya know?

besides, there are only two types of attraction i am aware of at the moment that i feel - aesthetic and sensual.

i see pretty (mostly fictional) people and i just wanna kiss and hug and just- physical affection, ya know?

for me to also self ship with a character, they have to fall under the 'pathetic wet dog of a man' category or something similar. it's not just the pretty face, but the character's personality that plays a big role into the f/oing process as well.

anyway, anyway-

i am using fictional characters to explore romantic ideas, despite not feeling romantic attraction, because it's pretty interesting and fun.

the exact same thing applies to the fictosexual label. while i used to fantasise about sexual scenarios, it was never because i felt sexual attraction towards the characters i fantasised about. most of the time i did that out of boredom or because the horny level was higher than usual- (not only that, but i would usually get quite uncomfortable, even if i f/oed that character and stuff.)

but now i am not sure anymore.

William has been my main f/o for 7 months now, which is a lot considering i usually switch my f/os up every 2 or so months.

by pointing this out i wanna say that, maybe, this can be something similar to demisexuality?

this might sound very silly, but the bastard man has been by my side for such a long time and compared to some of my other f/os, he's the only one i have such a strong connection with. like-

i thought he will last the usual 2 months before i switch back to another f/o or get into a new media where i can f/o another character. boy was i wrong-

not only that, but thanks to him i started drawing again, something which is really important to me, and this made me love him even more (if that's even possible at this point, hehe-). he's very special to me.

7 months and still going strong, hehe :D

thanks to all this time spent with the bastard, i also reached a point where i can explore silly sexual ideas with him (still out of boredom or because higher libido most of the time) without feeling uncomfortable. but here's the thing-

remember how i said the wave of horny takes me by surprise now? this, of course, means there are also days when i don't feel horny at all.

it happened a few times on these horny-free days to just think about the bastard and the usual fluffy scenarios i play over and over in my mind everyday, only to suddenly go from "hehe, i wanna hug the hell outta this man" to "hehe, i wanna fuck this man" which ultimately made me feel horny in the end. and like-

it's very different compared to the no reason horny feeling i usually experience??

when it comes to no reason horny, (i am repeating myself here) i still have silly adult fun time scenarios, but only out of boredom and/or higher libido + the fact i am more comfortable with the bastard now, but when it comes to this weird "fluff to smut" transition i get horny because of the bastard and i also can't really stop the adult fun time thoughts from attacking my silly brain-

he's the only character that made me feel like this, and it's pretty confusing, not gonna lie.

and for the past month my brain has been like- "haha, yeah, sexual attraction towards the bastard" as a joke, but i don't think it's a joke anymore-

and it's just so... weird. it's a weird feeling :0

since i don't always feel this attraction towards him, i also figured out i might be aceflux. so far, the bastard made me feel this way only 4-5 times i think, and it was always out of the blue. no clear pattern i could follow, or a specific trigger of this feeling - my silly brain just goes from fluff to smut with no warning.

i honestly don't know, and again, it's such a weird feeling whatever i've been experiencing for the past few months and i am still experiencing.

yeah, i think that's it :D

idk, maybe i could have kept this shorter and straight to the point, but i've always liked to over analyse my silly self and the things i experience. it's pretty fun and i also get to know my self better in the process, if it makes sense-

it feels nice to finally let it all out.

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tl;dr - bastard man is making me question my asexual identity since i feel something similar to, if not actual sexual attraction towards him.

conclusion: successfully unlocked a new label - aceflux demifictosexual.

*screams in confused asexual*

ayo, sillies! guess what? ya boy might be feeling some sort of sexual attraction-

or at least i think it is?

i amma elaborate on it later since i still need to process it, but now i just need to ask... how do allos do it? like-

i am guessing y'all feel like this whenever u see someone you find attractive in the adult fun time way. how do y'all live like this every day? doesn't it get hard pun very much intended for y'all to deal with that silly feeling??

ok, ok, i might be exaggerating a bit here, but this is such a new feeling i guess and i am so so confused-