#also been trying to improve my fitness but my brain is telling me that rotting on a sofa all night is The way to go.

[radbutsafe]

ALL FUCKIN 35 OF THEM SKLNWESDJFPXO

I SHOULDVE EXPECTED THIS FROM YOU

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

A three! I think I’m mid range cause I ain’t terrible but there is still shit I gotta improve and grow in my writing

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

to manifest what canon won’t give me and to write more! (though yes it is mainly about the smooching and the— I’ll stop there LOL)

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

Hm! My weird research details? I’m that “fun fact, did you know...” in my fics sometimes LOL! I plan on giving a penthouse for erina in a fic and I went through penthouse listings in Japan for floor layouts and locations💀 my research gives me inspo and depth to stuff I think I lack in comparison to others sometimes.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

In terms of fellow fic writers, one of them I can’t name here but she’s an inspiration with her exceptional gift for prose period and her lovely skill at comedy! I want to be as funny as her when I write, I love her ironic situational humor. Other fic writers are @takoyakitenchou, @royaldragonsevgisi15 who I always love sharing ideas with and motivate me to create more! For non-fic writers it would be V.E. Schwab, Leigh Bardugo, Oda, and Horikoshi! The last two may be mangaka, however they are writers as well to create their stories! The depth these creators have given their worlds and interesting characters theyve given life to are all what I aspire to be like!

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

so far uh?? hm everything I’m currently writing are wips lol!! im proud of my wip that has been nicknamed ‘soma panics’ that is a multi-chapter fic that spans like probs 20 plus chapters maybe

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

dialogue! it’s so much fun! and character thoughts. I’ve said to people I may be better suited for script writing

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

I think it’s description, of like setting and showing action. also an expansion of my vocabulary LOL

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

erina! I think it’s because canon has shown us many of her different faces and range of emotion.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

SOMA!! chill ass mofo whos more carefree compared to the common shonen protagonist! for other shokugeki characters I’m not sure just yet because I haven’t flexed my fingers enough for the rest of them.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

I guess I should say romance cause that’s what I mostly write LOL!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

sorina and I try to get them to smooch eventually KEK and yeah it’s..usually romantic fluff lmao

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

HONESTLY ALL OF THEM but “soma panics” is my brain child

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

pretty sure it’s digimon....

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

currently shokugeki no soma!!!!

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

uhhhh I guess SNS? LMAO fandoms...all have their quirks to them.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

characters cuddling!!!! or getting the urge to smooch!!!!

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

unrequited love GOOD FUCKIN BYEEEEEE

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

I have plot ideas thst can be wild potentially but so far nothing fits this criteria so far that I actually have written.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

depends on the fandom, but if written well, all of it!

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

shippy 100% like I said I like smoochin

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

romantic is...*drumroll* SORINA! platonic, soutaku and erina and alice!

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

Sometimes! There are times songs will be on loop and times I just shuffle a playlist. and if I’m writing in random bursts it’ll be with no music but it really does depend lmao I think music is when I’m forcing myself to write?

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

completely independent ideas, I’ve realized in the past prompts shoot me in the foot often unless I luckily figure something out. but I’m often driven by my own sporadic self interest with shitty ping ponging attention

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

multi-chap I guess cause I can post without being finished LOLLL but tbh can I really answer? I haven’t finished anything.....

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

I can’t answer this question imo because I haven’t finished a fic yet so technically stuff could all fit in the one fic?

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

MYSTERY AND CRIME! I love the genre and I have plot ideas once a blue moon but I can’t dive in because I want to make details that work and reduce plot holes where suspension of disbelief isn’t as needed. I need to study it more (I need to study all the details for any of my fics imo to be confident sometimes LOL)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

I don’t think I can say one comment was the nicest because I’ve gotten comments that have given me quite the smiles to my face many times! I know this is a cop out but it’s true!

IS WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY UNTIL REINA SENT ME THE FOLLOWING ON DISCORD LIKE TWENTY MINS AGO:

and also rad. i am never this vocal about my emotions like EVER but this needs to be said your fics are obviously far from perfect, as are mine and everyone else's. but the thing about your works is that they're so well-sanded that it's impossible to find any rough edges or faults in them in terms of cohesion to a plot. your cast is never OOC and the amount of effort you devote to developing your takes on the characters as accurately as possible is unimaginably awe-inspiring.

BITCH I WANNA CRY 😭

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

I’d like to believe I take it often well to try and improve because that’s always my goal. if someone is rude lol that’s not constructive snd is unhelpful. If I disagree with criticism I’ll explain why !

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

Not yet, but I have some plot ideas I think will let me test this.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

F L U F F.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

elliott fuji, a japanese-american award winning photographer who is erina’s boyfriend in ‘soma panics’ which..causes soma’s panic LOL he’s 30 with slightly wavy black hair. I still haven’t pinpointed his personality just yet...he kind of humble brags for sure an artsy fucker and flirts maybe I’ll make him a lil shy though. he teaches sometimes, and becomes an adjunct photography professor in Tokyo so he can be with erina.

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

a cook is unfashionably late in realizing his feelings.

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

I am a slow. so slow. motivation who is she? I also write out of order, unfortunately a bit too often.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

this should be for the fic ‘soma panics’ it’s either megumi or satoshi talkin to him rn, I’m leaning towards satoshi

“You thought she would always wait for you, didn’t you Soma-kun? To always welcome you home.”

Soma drags his palms down his face and groans. He doesn’t like this at all. He doesn’t shy from confrontation but this is a whole different ballgame. Soma doesn’t play any ball.

“I guess..?” Is his reply, because he thinks he isn’t sure how to answer that.

“You guess?”

Just being questioned again is enough to crack Soma’s pathetic facade as if it was dropped chinaware and he lets out the longest sigh.

“No.”

Coming home means coming home to Nakiri Erina too.

Nakiri Erina is his forever.

this is @takoyakitenchou’s excerpt she’s most proud of that I’ve written, which is also from you guessed it, the long fic soma panics

SOMA: I am, I mean I will be, I swear I will always come home to you, not spend as much time abroad, once I’m done with work I’ll come right back. I’ll make sure to message you. Nakiri, I’m in love you with you. Maybe for a really long time. You know how I say I dedicate my food to you? My dad—my dad said that the key to become a good chef is to find someone to dedicate your cooking to. A special someone. For my dad it was my mom, you know? For me it’s...

(this is a good piece of dialogue tbh so I am also proud of this)

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

I’ve mentioned it throughout this but the WIP I’ve nicknamed ‘soma panics’ is something I’m super excited to write, but it’s going on slowly...and almost completely out of order. out of all of my writing it showed off that particular habit of mine, along with “what is this, a shoujo manga?!” though the latter is currently being written chronologically now that I’ve posted chapter one and is pretty solid in direction. it was originally supposed to be a one shot but I got impatient and wanted to post at least something for the sorina / soueri fandom.

however, because ‘soma panics’ (I won’t call it that LOL) is my baby I want to keep true to my rule of refusing to post it until I have a draft of the entire fic finished and I’m satisfied with the main points pretty much. due to my writing out of order, I’m worried I’ll change my mind about scenes or want to reflect things in earlier chapters for later ones etc etc

I joined the SnS fandom extremely late, as season five was airing. I was a fan of the manga five years ago and dropped it because I forgot to check for updates when I caught up 😔 I really want to bang out the different fics and aus for sorina that I have before the fandom fizzles out entirely but tbh I’m writing for myself, I’m manifesting what I want to see and I’ll just share it with all my friends to read if no one else will. cause I’m slow broski I dunno what writing fast even is like LMAO I do really want to write faster though, so I can contribute more and let the words free from the discord dms....

[victorluvsalice]

AU Thursday: Tell Me Where To Find Shelter -- Layers of Victor

Saw this meme going around the #fallout4 tag a while back (I believe I specifically ganked it from @radbeetle), and thought it might be fun to do for my Sole Survivor!Victor. And my Malkavian!Alice, but let’s start with SS!Victor. XD

LAYER ONE: THE OUTSIDE

- Name: Victor Fitzwilliam Van Dort

- Eye Color: Very dark brown – it can be very hard to tell the difference between pupil and iris!

- Hair Style/Color: Black, generally combed back with two "tufts" of bangs falling over what little forehead he has

- Height: Six feet three inches (and thin as a rail)

- Clothing style: Relatively formal pre-War – he grew up in a household that impressed upon him that you wore ties and suits whenever you were in public, and often even in private. Post-War, he spends a lot of time switching between a pair of upgraded Vault suits from Vault 111 while looking for clothes that actually fit his lanky frame. He's a lot more casual in his style once he does – though he still likes a good sweater vest, and he keeps a few suits if he needs to look fancy.

- Best physical feature: Victor would personally say his hands – he's a pianist and a tinkerer, and he appreciates his long reach over a keyboard, along with his ability to finely handle delicate parts when upgrading or repairing things!

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

- Fears: Total darkness (as in you can't see ANYTHING – as long as there's some sort of light source, he can manage); blindness (related to previous); small enclosed spaces (being locked in a cryonic pod will do that to a guy); losing those he cares about again (he – has a lot of trauma from seeing Victoria shot, Shaun kidnapped, then trying to open Emily's pod after he finally got out, only to see her corpse half-rotted inside)

- Guilty pleasure: Pre-War, it would have been comics – he was always a little embarrassed about how much he continued to like the adventures of Grognak and the Unstoppables and whatnot after his teenage years (not helped by his mother sneering at the stories). Post-War, though, he ditches the "guilty" part – especially after meeting Kent Connolly and getting to play Silver Shroud. XD I'm not sure he has one post-War – he occasionally feels weird about how much he enjoys modifying his weapons and armor? But that's quite practical as well as pleasurable, so. . .

- Biggest pet peeve: Being rapidly promoted in organizations that he's only just joined (Preston, you're easily one of his best friends, but SERIOUSLY, dude, GENERAL?)

- Ambitions for the future: To continue keeping his little portion of the Commonwealth safe, and start training up someone with some more Charisma to be the General of the Minutemen once he retires (he's still not sure why people follow him when he's so socially awkward)

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

- First thoughts waking up: Depends on what wakes him up. If he's waking up on his own, it's generally a variation on "Breakfast? Where breakfast?" If someone else wakes him up, it's generally "Why are you shaking/licking me, I don't wanna get up yet." And if it's combat nearby, it's generally "SHIT WHERE'S MY GUN oh wait are they shooting at me still should find gun."

- What they think about most: All his various responsibilities – finding his son, acting as General of the Minutemen, working with the Railroad, helping the people on the settlements, wondering what the hell is going to happen between him and the Brotherhood of Steel, or him and the Institute. . .it doesn't do much for his anxiety, is what I'm saying.

- What they think about before bed: If he's not exhausted enough just to collapse onto the nearest sleeping surface, then probably what I mentioned above. He's probably up late trying to plan routes to help settlements that have called for assistance and follow leads on the Institute and whatnot.

- What they think their best quality is: Victor would consider it his willingness to be helpful whenever possible. He generally enjoys helping people, and it makes him feel better in general to help improve the Commonwealth in some small way. (Not to mention, him helping out personally with the problems of a lot of the families/communities in the Commonwealth has earned him a lot of friends for his Minutemen! A General so hands-on seems to impress people.)

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

- Single or group dates: . . .this gets a little harder to answer when he was in a polyamorous relationship pre-War, you know. XD But yeah, Victor prefers one-on-one, or one-on-two in the case of Victoria and Emily. A group date puts the pressure on him to perform like the perfect boyfriend/husband, and he doesn't need the extra stress. Maybe he'd be okay with a double date if it was with some very close friends.

- To be loved or respected: Victor would rather be loved, or at least liked – though part of that is low self-esteem telling him people aren't going to respect him. (Or like him, for that matter.) It's what informs his desire to help people, at least in part.

- Beauty or brains: While Victor isn't immune to a nice face or body, he really likes having someone he can talk to about stuff. Sharing interests is fun, and he appreciates someone who will at least try to keep up with his nattering on about butterflies and robots and whatnot.

- Dogs or cats: Dogs! Victor gets along decently with cats, but he is first and foremost a dog person. He had a dog named Scraps when he was a child, and he, Victoria, and Emily were making plans to adopt one before the bombs fell. Meeting Dogmeat at the Red Rocket really helped pull him out of his post-War "almost everything I knew is gone and I'm a stranger in my own state" funk.

LAYER FIVE: DO THEY?

- Lie: Yup. Victor will tell the usual social "white lies" (even if he's not very good at them), and he's done bigger lies in the past – like not telling his parents that Emily was more than their "roommate." (Of course, that was done not to have a family blowout about him and his wife having a girlfriend.)

- Believe in themselves: Not usually – as stated, Victor has pretty low self-esteem, thanks mostly to growing up with a mother who was criticizing him and everything he was when she wasn't absent doing social climbing stuff. It's hard for him to think of himself as being someone who has worth, sadly. He gets better when he starts seeing more results of his actions in helping the Minutemen and the Railroad, and realizes he's genuinely making a difference for people.

- Believe in love: Yes – his relationship with Victoria and Emily was one of the high points of his pre-War life. He was utterly heartbroken when Victoria was shot, and Emily later died due to the life support to the other pods being cut off. But then later he meets Alice, and. . .well, it takes some time, but he manages to come around to loving and being loved again.

- Want someone: Pre-War, not really – he was in a happy threesome and wasn't currently looking to expand. Post-War, most of his life precludes wanting anyone – though he does develop a bit of a crush on Piper as time goes on. And then, of course, he meets Alice, and eventually ends up wanting her. . . (Yes, in-game I intend for him to romance Piper – and there's a chance in the AU he, Piper, and Alice would end up in a poly situation. We'll see where this goes!)

LAYER SIX: EVER?

- Been on stage: Pre-War, never officially – Nell had him play piano at some of her parties (which was always stressful, as he felt all her guests were either judging him or just hated him for being related to her), but that was as far as performing got. He of course had the speech he was asked to do that he was practicing the day the bombs dropped, but – well, the bombs dropped. Post-War – he probably will have to give some inspirational speeches to his Minutemen troops, which he will somehow get through and then go have a little quiet panic attack somewhere.

- Done chems/drugs: . . .I have occasionally toyed with the headcanon that Victor was unwillingly dosed with Psycho, or a drug like it, back in his Army days and has been haunted by the experience ever since. But other than that, not the hard stuff – Victor doesn't even smoke (he tried once – after nearly coughing up a lung, he refused to ever try again) and he tends not to drink (he's tried that too, and discovered he's an embarrassingly chatty drunk, so he doesn't typically indulge). He will, of course, take Rad-X and Rad-Away, because those are freaking necessary to survive in parts of the Wasteland.

- Changed who you were to fit in: Occasionally attempted, never stuck. He's not good at keeping up a facade. One of his most embarrassing memories is trying to ask a girl to dance at a party his mother dragged him to when he was about 16, imitating the more popular "jock"-kinda guys, and getting laughed at so much he retreated to the buffet for the rest of the night.

LAYER SEVEN: FAVORITES

- Favorite color: Blue

- Favorite animal: Dogs, butterflies

- Favorite movie: Victor will confess to a love for schlocky monster movies, so he was quite enamored of Night of the Fish Men's Revenge when it came out (he's quite excited when he sees it in the projector in Eden Meadows Cinema, and quite sad that he can only get it to play the title screen). He also enjoyed Another Day In the Monster Factory for much the same reasons.

- Favorite game: With his affinity for comic books and a secret love of roleplaying (which becomes not-so-secret once he starts Silver Shrouding), Grognak & The Ruby Ruins quite appeals to him. He likes that it has some replay value too, with changing up your party and whatnot. The action of Pipfall appeals to him too, though that time limit can be stressful!

LAYER EIGHT: AGE

- DOB: June 9th, 2050 (he was 27 and a few months when the bombs dropped)

- Day of their next birthday, they will be: His next birthday according to the game would be June 9th, 2088 – he'd be 238 in terms of time passed, 28 in terms of biology

- Age they lost their virginity: Twenty – Victor had been yanked by the Army into Canada to help with the Sino-American war shortly after graduating high school, but got some leave around his twentieth birthday to go home. He immediately caught back up with his high school sweethearts, Victoria and Emily, and ended up doing the deed with Victoria. They managed to keep it a secret from their conservative parents, fortunately.

- Does age matter: In general? Victor is willing to listen to advice from those older than he is, certainly – though he tends to take it with a grain of salt depending on their obvious biases. In a relationship? Unless one of the parties is a minor, Victor won't get involved, though bigger gaps will probably make him wonder what exactly they see in each other. (He allows this is hypocritical of him to a degree, as Alice is much older than him even taking into account the freezing – but on the flip side, she was Embraced at 20, he was frozen at 27. . .)

LAYER NINE: IN A BOY OR GIRL

- Best personality: Victor likes people who are sweet and kind, but have a tougher or sassier side to them as well. Victoria leaned mostly toward the "sweet" side, but was also pretty determined when it came to getting what she wanted from him; Emily was cheerful and enthusiastic, but if you angered her – wooo boy; Alice of course is snark incarnate, but is kind to people and generally likes helping others. Even Piper is one of the kinder companions, but doesn't shy away from sarcastic comments.

- Best eye color: Well, Victoria and Emily both had blue eyes (of differing shades), and Alice's green eyes were one of the first things that struck Victor about her, sooo. . .blue or green!

- Best hair color: I'm not sure Victor has a preference here – Victoria was a super-light brown, almost gray; Emily was a blonde; Alice has dark hair that looks black or brown depending on the light/how well cared for it is (and she says her hair was almost red when she was a kid!); Piper has dark brown/black hair. I guess pre-War he went for lighter; post-War he goes for darker?

- Best thing to do with a partner: Victor likes finding some sort of creative interest they can share, or at least do at the same time. He would sit in the living room and draw while Victoria embroidered in the afternoons; and he and Emily both played piano, so they'd often have little duets. With Alice, he probably ends up illustrating some of the stories she tells – maybe eventually they throw together a book of sorts, with Piper's help!

LAYER TEN: FINISH THE SENTENCE

- I love: Alice! And the rest of my friends too, of course.

- I feel: completely out of my depth, most of the time.

- I hide: how anxious all of this makes me – not sure how well I'm succeeding, but. . .

- I miss: the life I had before, in Sanctuary.

- I wish: that Victoria and Emily hadn't – that t-they were still here to meet the friends I've made.

[rottenappleheart]

I think I found a place to live out west! Which is to say, I HAVE found a place, I am just very used to couching things as possibilities rather than committing.

I think this is the right thing. My landlord, when I told him I was giving my move-out notice, said (kindly, with concern) that he thinks I will regret it, that I am running away from my problems. I am working on reframing it as running TO, not running FROM. After all these years in a rut, I am getting up and moving in the direction of the life I want. It takes more effort (and money) to change than it does to stay here and keep rotting, but I'm doing it.

(behind cut for mention of past suicideality)

Yes, I will still be myself, with my own bad brain and bad history, wherever I go. But you know what? Since I started thinking in terms of moving, a month and a half ago, I've been doing better.

I was so dead and empty the whole month of August that I wasn't even reading books or watching TV. I drove in silence in the car instead of listening to music. I spent a lot of time sitting and staring into space and drinking. I avoided most interactions with people. Some days I would go to a bar after work, alone, simply because I could not trust myself to go home with my brain the way it was.

But moving my thinking from "I don't see the point of living anymore" to "I don't see the point of living HERE anymore" changed everything. I redirected my "everything is garbage" urges into purging/cleaning/packing/donating things in preparation for a potential move, instead of, uh, trying to make things easier for whoever dealt with my leftover shit when I was gone? (Sorry.) Having a long list of tasks to do got me through the worst of August. It fit my black mood to purge things, but it was also something I could see as visible progress and improvement.

I started doing some hard budgeting, deleted a particular phone game so that I wouldn't be tempted to fritter away my money in microtransactions, collected any cash I found while cleaning or selling junk on CL in an envelope specifically for Moving Expenses.

Telling my landlord was hard. Telling my boss was harder. But both have been, ultimately, supportive. With that behind me, it's... it's all skies ahead.

Okay, not quite. I'm having some trouble with my last local friend because of things I did, or didn't do, or did incorrectly, during this last period, and I don't know how to resolve it. But my historical response has been "complete debilitating breakdown," because I had nothing but my fragile connections to friends to make me alive. Now it is a situation that hurts, that I think about every day, but I am still functioning. I'm still moving forward around that hurt, because I have a goal and a purpose for my own life now.

I'm feeling good. I've actually felt downright HAPPY a time or two. The last time I remember being happy before this was Easter 2017.

I've asked myself if this is a manic phase and that it will soon come crashing down around me. I don't think so. I don't feel like I have excessive energy - just, like, a normal person's amount of energy, which I haven't had in so long. I still have stressful days and tired days and days when I just want to watch TV - but I haven't been coming home and just drinking myself to indifference, I've been able to re-engage with some (online) friends, read books and enjoy them, make things.

Heck, I've finally had the motivation to do a lot of basic "taking care of your existence on this earth" things like going to the dentist and the OBGYN (while I still have insurance), getting my car checked up and professionally cleaned...

I also went through the whole list of people I know and things I would want to do before leaving this area, and came up with a whopping four names I'd want to see in person and another four I would just send an email to letting them know I'm moving. And two restaurants.

I mentioned to my aunt that - while my faith is an ugly tangle of yarn and my belief in the "ambient universe" is nonexistent - it is still on my mind that all of the bad things that have been happening lately are a series of slamming doors telling me to get the fuck up and out already, that there are no opportunities left for me here. Lighting a fire under my rottenappleass, as it were.

There are so many things I am looking forward to doing, and seeing, and people I'm looking forward to meeting out west. I know I have no safety net there, but heck, I have none here either. Starting my life over at 30 is far, far better than looking at the end of it at 30.

[shirtlesssammy]

Family Feud : Because we all need a good laugh Recap

Then:

Mary Winchester put our Bamf!Angel’s life in danger.

Now:

Cold Open I Alert!

A woman is terrorized by a non-diegetic soundtrack and a deceptively comfy bed.

At the bunker, Dean gives Sam the low-down on the appropriate parts of his phone conversation with Cas. Kelly Kline is still on the run. Sam tells Dean that he caught a case: Teacher in Iowa with a missing tongue and crushed internal organs. Sounds witchy! 

Dean suggests the wistfully hopeful idea that maybe their mom would like to join. Dean says they haven’t seen Mary in a while. Boris wonders how much time has passed between episodes? We're all still reeling from the emotional impact of last week’s episode so this feels jarring that they're all beyond it by now. I WANT MORE FEELS. Mary’s busy zapping rugara brains under the condescending tutelage of Mr. Ketch.

Mary’s phone rings and it’s Dean. And now let me dissect her conversations with Dean and Mr. Ketch: “The usual” (Oddly casual, but,umm, ok.) “It’s so sweet of you to think of me” (Lady, he’s been thinking of you his whole freaking life. God’s freaking sister brought you back because that’s all Dean’s been thinking about.) “That whole Ramiel thing” (I can’t decide if this bit of flippancy is an odd disconnect of Mary’s that she just hasn’t processed the 20+ years reality of her family hunting down Azazel in her memory or if she’s just so far in denial about her existence and what her deal with Azazel did to her family that she can’t process what another Yellow Eyed Demon Prince of Hell means to the world. Anyway, she’s a lying liar who lies, and it hurts me. She is a Winchester after all.)

I’m thoroughly enjoying Mary Winchester: autonomous character, but it’s hard to watch because while these grown men might not be her “children”, they are her family. I can’t figure out how much of that Mary wants to accept. Dean is struggling with reconciling his lost mother with the hunter he has, but he’s doing a heck of a better job of it than Mary is with her own disconnect.

Meanwhile, Boris’s VERY FIRM belief that Lucifer was just in Crowley’s head is blown into outer space, when we find Crowley talking to Lucifer all chained up in some abandoned part of Hell. We get Crowley’s side of how he rerouted Lucifer from the Cage to Hell. But how do you explain Nick as Lucifer’s vessel? “We found your discarded vessel a few years ago. Repaired it. Improved it. Making it a fitting, final home for the real you.” MOTHER FUCKER. Does this also completely blow up my theory that the show will end with The End as well? I have zero success with guessing how things will turn out but having all my headcanon destroyed in a span of 2 minutes stings a bit.

The brothers are on the road when Sam discovers another linked victim, this time in Andover, MA --a.k.a. Cold Open I. Dean voices his concern about their less than forthcoming mother. Sam makes excuses.

Cold Open II Alert!

At the nautical museum in Iowa, a Timber Trooper leader on a field trip makes a quick stop at the restroom and is greeted with flickering lights, slamming stall doors, and water freezing.

Then he meets the overly aggressive camera. Cut to black.

Upon reaching their destination in Iowa, FBI agents Starbuck and Queequeg (I presume), learn more about the murders.

There’s a pattern of people who supervise kids getting the old heave-ho. Dean pulls out an EMF reader and the thing lights up with all the bells and whistles. Sounds ghosty!

Kelly Kline Alert! She’s at a diner, running out of money, and getting good luck wishes from the waitstaff on the blessing of her “little devil”. Twist! The waitress is an angel!

At the museum, Sam finds a boat connection and Dean puts it together that Crowley’s son, Gavin, was on it. Or, was supposed to be until Abaddon snatched him from his time before he could die. Yeah, that one tiny storyline that completely gunked up Bobby’s soul from season 6. I totally believe that when Dabb became the Benevolent Overlord, his first edict was: Bucklemming, fix this clusterfuck you created that Carver didn’t call you out on. Thxkby.

Back in Hell, Lucifer and Crowley are still having it out. Lucifer mocks and makes it clear that Crowley won’t even see his downfall coming. With the help of Luci Jr, he’ll take control again. Crowley insists that the nephilim fetus is no more. Lucifer disagrees. And then Dean calls at the worst possible time. They need a favor but Crowley decides to impart some truths:  “Turns out behind all that moron facade, you and your brother are, in fact, morons!” They need to talk to Gavin, and counter that Crowley owes them a favor for not hunting down his “Destroyer of Human History” son.

Cold Open III Alert!

A school group is once again leaving the museum when the overly aggressive camera barrels towards one of the chaperones --and gifts her with a pocket watch. How sweet!

Sam and Dean opt for Door #2 and call Rowena. What’s with the MacLeod family weakness for those Winchesters? In any event, they need her to find Gavin. (Also, Boris is low-key shipping Samwitch right now. Dammit, I ship Sam with everyone! Where’s Eileen?)

Kelly Kline Alert!

She’s walking down a dark, deserted alley, as one does when one is a woman in an unfamiliar town, and is attacked by several angels, but is rescued by the Terminator Dagon. They exchange pleasantries. Dagon offers to protect Kelly and her baby from all who want her dead.

Rowena came through and the boys meet Gavin at a bus stop. This poor timeline disrupting kid is just trying to make it work in this crazy world. Sam and Dean cut to the chase and ask about his ship, The Star. They also introduce him to Rowena. “You look just like my father when he was young.” Rowena, do I detect a softness you reserve for, well, no one or nothing?

At the museum Gavin marvels at the figurehead from the doomed Star. The Winchesters ask him about the other passengers on the ship and he cheerfully fills them in on little details about the passengers’ lives based on the photos of artifacts he’s surveying.

Gavin stops at the picture of a locket. It belonged to his fiancee who he had intended to leave behind when he headed to America. He speculates that she must have snuck on board the ship to be with him. The locket is missing.

Mr. Ketch drops Mary off at a crappy motel in an unnamed mountain town (Boris: *cough Very Snowy Vancouver Cough*). Mr Ketch compliments her hunting prowess and suggests that Mary distance herself from her sons (Boris: Geez, dude, she’s a cold blooded killer who hasn’t made Dean a single pie. “Distance” is her middle name.) The work must come first and the Men of Letters should be her family - just as it is for him. “You’re different when you talk to them. Softer. Weaker.” He tells her that the real Mary - the best Mary - is the hunter side. (I can’t wait until Mary kicks his ass.)(Boris: OooH!) (Also Boris: I’m kinda digging that fucker Mr. Ketch. Fuck you, Ketch. Hearts.)

At the museum the Winchesters inquire about the missing locket and the museum director gives them information on the latest school group to tour behind the scenes. Cut to the Pembroke Day School for Girls where two teachers are sitting in the study grading papers. (Query: if it’s a “day school” then why are there teachers living there?) Teacher #1 suggests wine. YES. Grading is always better with wine. (Bechdel Test level acquired! Wait...what are their names? Nevermind.) The quest for booze means that the two teachers get separated into two adjoining rooms. Lights flicker. Furniture moves. Breezes ruffle curtains through closed windows. 

Teacher #1 turns to see the ghost and gets a fist through the chest. The ghost goes after Teacher #2 but the Winchesters bust in just in time to shoot up the spirit with rock salt and save her life.

A little while later, Gavin settles in the room, candles lit, and calls on the spirit of Fiona. She appears, at first ravaged by time and rotted, then young and beautiful once more. 

Fiona tells him that she snuck aboard the ship and was raped by the crew after she emerged from hiding. The other passengers did nothing and Mistress Alloway, the teacher, said Fiona “deserved it.” Fiona cultivated that betrayal from her childhood teacher into an endless vendetta against all teachers. Gavin reels at their conversation and the reality of what happened to his fiancee.

(Boris, when hearing this storyline:)

Later, the Winchesters, Rowena, and Gavin talk through how to stop Fiona’s spirit since her bones are on the bottom of the ocean. “Nothing can bring back the poor people she killed,” Gavin mourns. Not so, counter the Winchesters. Fiona won’t turn into a vengeful spirit if Gavin is aboard the Star to protect her. (I mean, you don’t know that guys.) Gavin offers to go back in time to die with Fiona on the ship. They’ll spend eternity together. (...will they? Sorts through old notes about individual heavens…)(Boris: only if they’re soulmates, ala Jimmy and Amelia)

Crowley zaps in, fiercely opposed to the plan. “What you want is a gym membership, happy hour at Hooters, and Cubs tickets.” (Aw, Cubbies <3) Gavin tells Crowley that he’s firm in his resolve and he called Crowley to say goodbye. (When did Gavin have time to call after he decided to go back in time to die? Sigh.)

Rowena intervenes and tells Crowley that Gavin isn’t like them - he should return. “He believes in things. Let him do what he believes is right.” Crowley reaches for Gavin to stop him but Rowena freezes Crowley in place. The Winchesters plus Rowena and Gavin leave the room with Crowley left frozen in the study. DAMN, that’s cold, Rowena.

Back at the bunker they prepare the spell to send Gavin back in time. 

Gavin smiles cheerfully and a little sadly, kisses Fiona’s locket, and Sam begins the incantation to send Gavin back. As the spell works its magic, Fiona’s ghost appears. She and Gavin join hands as he disappears into the past. (Me: Can a ghost time travel? What if Fiona turned vengeful ghost anyway but just hated, like, incompetent sailors instead of teachers? Vengeful Fiona: Here’s a knife, past Fiona. I want you to shiv Larry, there. He’s the worst sailor of the lot.)

Sam and Dean chill out afterwards, checking the news to find out that all the teachers Fiona killed are alive - no doubt grading papers and swilling wine. Mary walks in. She brought burgers and beer.

She tells them she’s been up to “jogging, tai chi, meditation, melting rugaru brains…” At last Mary confesses that she’s been working with the British Men of Letters. 

“We have a history with them,” Sam tells her, wearing his Captain Obvious cape. She tells him that she’s learned a lot from the BMoL and saved a ton of people. 

“We don’t trust the Brits,” Sam says, reminding her of his broken and burned body.(Boris: Oh, Sammy!)

“Where does that leave us?” Dean asks (his hopes and dreams broken and burned).

“Family,” Mary responds, invoking the Winchester’s most holy word.

In a bus station Rowena sits sipping tea. Crowley zaps in and accuses her of having an insidious reason for supporting Gavin’s return to the past - and his death. “He was a lovely boy, and in your own lizard way I know you cared for him. Just as I cared for Oscar.” Rowena tells Crowley that she’s been holding a grudge for having to kill Oscar to remove the Mark of Cain. Now she’s finally been able to watch Crowley suffer through the loss of a child. And on that note, she gets on the bus (A bus? Really, Rowena?) and splits. (<-- There’s the vengeful Rowena we all know and love.) Also, this show keeps making me want to give Crowley a big hug. My how far we have come.

The final montage is set to the Rolling Stones’ Play with Fire. Crowley contemplates Rowena. The Winchesters argue as their burgers grow cold. And in Crowley’s kingdom Lucifer smiles as Dagon ushers Kelly Kline into her protection. “Dagon,” he hisses, and the screen fades to black. 

Natasha: I do appreciate the number of episodes this year ending with song montages. What can I say? I’m a sucker for a montage. 

I also feel like it’s a nod to the role music plays on this show. Songs are just another layer of story and I think season 12, through Andrew Dabb’s oversight,  has really embraced that.

Also, there’s a lot of Mary hate on the ol’ interwebs right now. I really like what they’re doing with her character, though. Mary grew up a Campbell. Remember them? The ones who got along great with Soulless!Sam? Mary knows that a hunter can’t afford connections. Her upbringing is bloody, brutal, and utterly without mercy towards the Supernatural. In this, she has much in common with the British Men of Letters. She left hunting for a (mostly) normal life and look what she got for her trouble! There is so much of Dean in her character, it hurts a little. Her goal is to make a better world for her sons and all those would-be victims out there. She also desperately wants family, love, a normal life. But hunting is also a pure, beautiful thing for her - akin to post-Purgatory Dean. She hates it, she loves it. It’s complicated. Hooray for complicated characters.

The Doomed Quotes of Gavin MacLeod:

Hmm, Mr. McCallum’s hook. He had no hand, you see.

Pay-per-view, magic fingers...

I know somethin’ about somethin’.

Just because Dim and Dimmer here can’t keep their family in the same dimension doesn’t mean they can mess with mine.

He’s dramatic, as you know.