#also I might've slightly projected onto this while drawing it

[grey-worlds]

Voices

"The reason it is so hard for me to be non-violent is because I hear voices, Phil.

I hear countless voices in my head all the time and the voices are crazy, Phil.

Sometimes they're angry, sometimes they're sad, sometimes they mock me.

But the thing about the voices, Phil,

The one thing I hear from them the most...

The voices demand blood, Phil, they demand blood.

I've been trying to ignore them lately, but they're just so loud. They're just so loud.

I just wanna stab something.

But I'm holding back. I'm holding back! I'm gonna be a good person, Phil"

[red-rover-au]

Listen. I hold your face-- listen. I have been following so many separated au's. that the details I'd used to analyze the fighting styles of your friends in particular have been completely muddle-mixed with every other draxum dad-ed turtle. I think to myself "Leo has the weapon that's most likely to kill/maim" but is that a rr Leo trait? no! I think to myself "yet donnie is the one who murders most often" but do I remember examples of that? no!! My head is Empty my good writer.

The fact that 2 out of 3 responses to the fights have been "no thoughts head empty" lmaoo

Interesting that the family truama is the thing that stands out about my au! Yeah, my history with domestic abuse isn't a secret, and the fact that I always make Slightly Flawed parents 10xs worse in every fandom I touch is one of the funnier symptoms djskdjd

I could write a full essay on the complicated nature of having abusive parents who DO love you.

The rest under the read more cuz i accidentally did oops. Content warning for child abuse, obviously

I see a lot of depictions of abusive parents that feel extremely text book based, like someone read about the cycle of abuse and copied it down step by step, when in my experience and the experience of almost all of my friends who were hit as kids- its really not like that at all

I think I project onto Leo the most in terms of responding to an abusive parent. Cuz like, when your parent abuses you but you KNOW that they love you, it creates this unstable dynamic where you're never sure how much you can get away with. But when you're a stubborn and prideful kid like I was, you just try getting away with everything cuz fuck it, you know the storm is gonna pass eventually, they won't be mad at you forever, they'll probably even (poorly) apologize later

The most personal example was in the latest chapter- chapter 18. While Leo is getting whipped the only thing on his mind is how annoying it is that Draxum didn't even start with an explanation this time. He doesn't actually care why tho; anything could've set Draxum off, really. But he also has to carefully craft a mask that isnt too stuck up/neutral, else the beating will go on longer and that would be annoying- but he also has his Pride so he doesn't want to look super shaken from the whole thing. That might've been the autism in me, idk.

I dont know how to end this i got carried away lmao

Point is, ur right and Im glad the nuance comes through (I also have three siblings who's reactions to the exact same abusive behavior I could draw from, so that helps) and yis Leo keeps his snark because of course he does, he's Leo