#also I haven't seen my otp together in almost 3 years so there's that too

[bikananjarrus]

Elzar for the breakdown because I miss him

chip thank u for giving me the opportunity to talk about elzar 🙏 i miss him real bad too :(

(this got longer than expected but i have feelings about him)

how i feel about this character:

oh man, i just love him to bits. he was my favorite pretty much from the moment he showed up on page, and he's still my favorite. he's bisexual. he's a bit of a bitch. he will pout and get very sad if he doesn't get enough attention. he's a weird little jedi and just wants to be left alone to do his weird little experiments with the force. most of all i think i just love how much he tries and doesn't give up, even when he wants to, even when he's at his lowest. he's the heart!! and i just love him a lot!!

all the people i ship romantically with this character:

avar and stellan. they're the only ones for him because they match his freak <3 i'm a polycule truther, but also i love him and avar together, and also thinking about him and stellan makes me want to walk into the ocean so!

my non-romantic otp for this character:

HIM AND TY YORRICK!!!!! obsessed with their bitchy bisexual + brash lesbian dynamic. went from trying to kill each other (really just ty trying to kill him for stealing her lightsaber. understandable) to drift compatible besties. i love them <3 and no i'm not bitter that we haven't seen her at all since and elzar hasn't talked about her why do u ask

but also, cheating and giving you two more, i love him and orla's friendship, and his friendship with lina. he just keeps collecting these women who take one look at this depressed suicidal wet cat of a man and go yeah, we'll take that one.

my unpopular opinion about this character:

i am thankfully not involved with the corner of the fandom that argues about this, and this definitely shouldn't be as unpopular of an opinion as it is, but ELZAR DID NOTHING WRONG ON STARLIGHT and i will DIE on that hill! sure he killed chancey, but he had spent multiple days on a sinking space station with force creatures that were eating away at all the jedis' states of mind, and he saw somehow he knew to be affiliated with the nihil (their enemy!) and thought she was further sabotaging the station, so he stopped her. should he have asked questions first, swung lightsaber later? yeah, maybe. but he did what he did and it's fine and it's also not his fault stellan died. stellan knew what he was doing when he went down there. even though elzar blames himself, it's not his fault!

relatedly, fandom sure gives elzar a lot of crap for this when avar did almost the exact same thing. she would have killed lourna dee if keeve hadn't stopped her, and avar had a lot more murderous intent behind her actions than elzar did his. but no, let's go ahead and demonize the brown member of the firebrands instead of the blonde white woman.

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon:

oh so many things. but really (and i understand this is probably a bit of a side effect of having multiple authors writing these characters across many years) but i think canon has introduced SO MANY cool storylines and possibilities for elzar and hasn't followed through on a lot of them. and now we only have one book left with him, and i'm a bit worried that it will be an unsatisfying conclusion for him :/

his force visions, for one. introduced in lotj, mentioned again towards the end of rising storm, and then not really talked about again, even though he was clearly connected to everything going on with the nihil and nameless through his visions. connecting him as a foil to azlin and not really going anywhere with that (which, i haven't read tears of the nameless, so there may be a bit more there, but still).

(okay, DEFINITELY probably an unpopular opinion, but it's related to what i'm talking about here, but i didn't love temptation of the force quite as much as the rest of the adult books, and i do think it diverged from plot to focus on the romance, which is fine, because i thought the romance was done very well, however. again. when we have one book left, now there's too much to cover and i feel like elzar took a step backwards idk)

overall, i think if you had to pick one character to be the protagonist of the adult books, elzar (or bell) is the strongest contender, and i feel like the authors keep forgetting that.

Give me a character; and i’ll break their ass down

[daesungindistress]

not sure if you've been asked this before but do you think you will return to writing fic about bb and if so, would you include sr in your stories?

The last time I was asked this was back in March or April. And it’s difficult to give a final answer. I want to return to writing. The thought of abandoning all my WIPs and notes and ideas forever is a depressing one. And if I’m being honest, the longer I go without making something, be it art or fic, the emptier I feel.

Do I think I will? Return to writing? That I’m less certain about. The events of this year have left me feeling a bit disillusioned. Disenchanted. Disappointed. Yeah, they all kinda have the same meaning, but I guess I’m just trying to convey how this thing with Seungri, this tragedy, and the ongoing struggle within the fandom seems to have slowly stripped away my ability to separate BB’s public personas (and private selves) from the fictional versions we as writers play with. It’s broken down some necessary barriers.

The situation we’re in is too serious, too real, too heavy. And in my heart I feel there’s still too much uncertainty about their future. That uncertainty is steadily chipping away at the compartmentalization that let me comfortably turn them into characters and use them to tell stories. When I sit down and stare at all these notes from a happier, easier time I no longer see what I once did. I wonder, “Who wrote this? When? And how?” There’s some guilt too. Like, who am I to toy with them like this, to reduce them to fanfic fodder when so much has gone so wrong? Some fans have successfully escaped into fiction this year to forget; for me it’s the other way around. It’s been nine months but in a way the scandal is still front and center in my mind, and fanfic can’t overpower that. If anything, I’m almost… afraid to touch it again.

For example… the one fic I finished and posted this year, Sugar Kiss, was a smutty ToDae oneshot… and, regrettably, a sequel to a DaeRi fic. It was something I started late last year and had mostly completed by January, well before the scandal reached a boiling point. All the fic needed by then was a little polish, and it took me until July to find the energy for it. The teaser/summary was “It’s Daesung’s turn to be a bad influence” because in the fic before it he and Seungri had gotten up to some ~naughty fun~ together and Daesung decided he liked it enough to pass it on. So in Sugar Kiss Daesung shares what he learned from Seungri with Seunghyun. The joke was that Seungri persuaded him into mischief. Seunghyun even has a line in which he calls Seungri “a bad influence,” which one reader got really upset over, but I didn’t mean it in a bad way when I initially wrote it earlier this year. It was meant to be tongue-in-cheek. Just some silly, sexy, lighthearted fun, nothing more. I felt a little iffy posting it on the heels of Seungri’s scandal but in the end threw caution to the wind and went ahead with it.

Then, a few days later, the news about Daesung’s building broke and suddenly people were saying, “Daesung might be in on it!” and “He’s just like Seungri!” and “Daesung said they’d become close recently!” And I was like 😰 I had a few days to feel accomplished, after that it was pure regret. It’s like nothing is safe. Things I enjoyed before without thought or care… just aren’t that fun anymore. It’s really sucked the joy out of storytelling using real people. The thought lurks: what if some of the questionable stuff I write about them turns out to be, well, real? And then I have to either denounce or defend what I’ve written. People are still leaving kudos on that fic and its prequel, and every time I get the notification I wonder what they really think of it.

Anyway, to answer your other question: even though my view of Seungri has soured significantly since spring, my feelings on the matter of his involvement in my future fanfics, if any, have remained… largely the same. I think. The last time I talked about this I said I might continue to include him, but clarified that it would depend on the timeline (pre/post 2019) and setting (canon compliant, alternate universe). And also what role needs filling. Even after all we’ve learned about him, Seungri is still an interesting character to me with traits that I consider useful for the types of stories I like to tell. He’s a good foil for Daesung due to their opposing personalities, interests, lifestyles, values…. and for this reason I’ve always had a tendency to depict him as someone who brought conflict to the group in some form or another. His fans who found their way to my fanfics sometimes asked me to be kinder to him. Let’s just say now there will be no more pressure to pull my punches. That said, I expect any parts he does have will be small and fairly insignificant. A line or two, maybe even just a mention. My goal isn’t to pretend he never existed, just to avoid giving him undue attention that might, y’know… encourage people to like him.

…there is, however, one possible exception to that. Carnivores. Don’t think I’ve touched on this here yet? I had tentative plans to continue that series one day. Yes, even though I swore it was over. The story and setting is still meaningful to me and those characters feel more divorced from their inspirations, the Big Bang members, than any of my others. “They have lives of their own,” a reader once said to me, and I have to agree. You could change their names and I would still recognize them. I hoped it would be nothing too serious this time, nothing too intricate, just a oneshot catching up with the pack in their new home a year or two down the road. Here’s the problem though: Seungri was finally going to get something he’d always wanted. Something hinted at in the final scenes of Innocence & Instinct. And I wanted to scratch the surface of how they dealt with that.

Too bad 2019 has all but blown those plans to pieces. Carnivores!Seungri is not Big Bang’s Seungri or Lee Seunghyun, he is just a fictional character bearing his name and likeness, but even so, the absolute last thing I want to do right now is give him something he’s always wanted. No matter how I look at it, the thought of writing him into an important role comes off as really distasteful to me right now. So if that’s ever going to materialize, yeah, it’s gonna be awhile.

But wait. What if I give him something he’s always wanted… and then take it away. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? It came to me one day months ago, how I could work the events of this year into the series. Some parts of Carnivores do mirror real life events involving BB (such as Jiyong, Youngbae, Seunghyun, and Daesung confronting Seungri in Dreams Like Ashes over fears that he’s going to leave them for his newly formed group of human friends. Though I sort of glossed over it, this was based on things they were saying about him back in 2016, which was when that fic was written). So working his recent rise and fall into a future installment wouldn’t exactly be a new approach for this series. You could even say I’m a little intrigued by the idea.

Still, it’s too soon. Too fresh. And I don’t know how it ends, in this world or that one, or if I even have the creative energy to tackle something so… disruptive. Reality is hard enough. So until then, those plans will stay right where they’ve been all this time, boxed up in a dusty corner of my mind. I hope that one day I can reach back inside that box and share what I find with you all. Until then, I think what I need is a clearer sense of direction from BB… and more time to work up the courage to try.

[captain-stab-a-hoe]

💖✌💔

Ship that needs more love: 💖

Mianmian and her husband

No this isn't just because I couldn't think of something I ship that needs more love

I just think xuanli can't be out here being the only somewhat healthy hetero ship

And I know we love our lesbians (so do I) but give some credit to Mr.Mianmian for being one of the more decent men/parents out here in the cultivation world aight 😤

Ship that you find cute but don’t ship: ✌

Beefleaf

LISTEN LISTEN

I haven't finished the novel yet AND I've only seen them as angsty best friends

But also it's more my fault cause I got too desperate for he xuan content and found a fucking rare pair to latch onto...like a dumbass-

But they're cute as hell and my bisexual ass messes with it a little

Ship that makes you sad: 💔

I can't tell if you just threw me a freebie but you know damn well it's xuexiao

It's xuexiao. It's always been xuexiao. Nothing makes me cry more than motherfucking XUEXIAO DAMMIT

I will never forgive mxtx for having these disaster men spend 3 years together with a child in almost domestic bliss and expect me not to ship them when everyone gets fucked up

They were happy but that happiness was never meant to last and that's why I write fanfics even though the fanfics I write cause me just as much pain

No I don't have a problem xuexiao has their own dammit-

(from this ask)