#all of this said I would be REALLY down for writing ftm Alastor if I hadn't already committed to him possessing a dick lmfao

[prince-liest]

Ok so I know you haven't officially trans anyone's gender in any of your Hazbin fics, but I lowkey get really trans vibes from Alastor in most of your fics?

Idk, it's a little hard go explain but what really tipped me off was his... distaste? Disfavor? Aversion? To his "male body" in one of the 666 fics. (I think the line was something akin to "the male body being what it is" in reference to Alastor getting hard fairly quickly).

There's honestly a lot of interesting things to speculate in relation to how Alastor views his body. Especially with his relationship with touch, and how he initiates touch and how he actively dislikes it (depending on the person).

Not to mention his feelings regarding his non-human features. How he doesn't inherently dislike them for being what they are, or rather, that they're "abnormal", but more so that they're not what they're "supposed to be", and not "what he was before" (though I do think that his dislike of his deer features is linked to his dislike of how he died, being viewed as something so easy to be put down - an animal).

Which also relates to how dressed Alastor constantly is. How he shields away his body using clothing, a customizable thing that he takes great pride in making sure is up to his standards (notice how when his coat is damaged he immediately goes to get it fixed, even though the ends of his coat is already damaged. He seems to have very complex opinions on how, exactly, his coat is supposed to be damaged)

I do think that Alastor's preference to being so dressed is linked to his dislike of vulnerability, but I also think it's a very trans(tm) move, lol.

(And I also do think that his dislike of vulnerability is tied to his transness, kinda in a weird "chicken and egg" scenario.)

I find it really interesting how Alastor's true feelings are revealed by his shadow, a being that can transform to look different, is mostly hidden, and is internally mysterious. Idk, it's just very trans(tm) to me!

I also think that Alastor's transness is linked to how he views masculinity, how he seems to automatically like woman, while automatically disliking man. How this is also tied to his parents. I've noticed in your fics (and could be completely wrong about) that Alastor seems to relate femininity (and his mother) with "safety" (how he compares the gentle touch in your last fic with feeling like his mother and his like of jambalaya).

I'm not sure if I would say that Alastor is a trans woman, but I also wouldn't say he isn't. Overall I think he has a very complex view of gender, but it's definitely something he doesn't put a lot into. Which relates to him not knowing what asexuality is.

I have a lot more Alastor trans thoughts, but this ask is already getting pretty long so I'm just gonna cut it off here. I hope I made sense, and that you're comfortable with me speculating on a character you've written about gender. (Totally valid if you're not though! If so, then please disregard this ask!)

I'll take "asks that made me realize I'm out here accidentally writing a character as nonbinary" for 300, please! Please prepare yourself for the mistake of letting me have a keyboard and talk about gender after 9pm, so sorry to literally everybody else.

You're gonna get a real fuckin' kick out of the first bit of the next 666 that I'm gonna post tomorrow. ;) It's definitely the point where I finally acknowledged to myself that I have a strong urge to inject some genderfuckery into Alastor in the form of him continuing to use his thing with Vox to explore his own relationship with, like, existing in his own body, and then also threw those feelings all over Angel Dust like a fistful of glitter while I was at it.

Like you said, I wouldn't say that I've ended up writing him as a trans woman, but I think I have seen him from the start as a character who is not exactly cis in a wibbly-wobbly way I have not previously defined but that I think I would perhaps characterize as "gender: monster condescending to play at humanity."

I don't think he eschews masculinity entirely, for what it's worth. He definitely strikes me as a person who aligns himself with the image of a smiling gentleman (if a hellish one) as the proper way for a person like him to be, and for whom that is an important, comfortable, and satisfying part of both his identity and how he relates to both his female friends and to men. However, he also strikes me as someone for whom that part of his identity is what he shows the world on purpose, presented as he would like it to be seen, rather than as something that reflects his bodily preferences. To put it another way, if he'd been AFAB, I think he would put just as much into his presentation, just in the direction of femininity, and it wouldn't make him any more or less comfortable with himself.

You're right in that I've definitely written him with a faint distaste for the mundane physical reality of his body, and a lot of this comes through in how he alternates between short moments of fascination with what new things his body is doing as he explores it and decides whether or not he likes it, and his much longer moments of utter disregard for the same thing. It also extends to the rest of his mundane humanity, though: his physical limits, his adrenaline-rush of fear, etc. He values the coat, the cane, the reality-bending static, the smile - but whatever he sees in the mirror when he gets undressed or whatever doesn't function to his purposes, he can take or leave.

I see Alastor as someone who defines himself first and foremost as the radio demon: not a person, but a monster and an enigma. A voice and a personality. Everything else is more or less incidental, and he would prefer to keep it set aside, thank you. The occasional dysphoria isn't just about his sex, it's about the humanity of his body as a whole.

[irrlicht-writes]

underneath

A/N: Welcome to my BrOTP, HUsk & Vaggie. Sadly I didn’t do them the justice they deserve but I just wanted to write something, and it’s been too long since I wrote something for my AU. It’s not long & that good but hey (: I did a try.

Summary: Husk hasn’t been in school for a few days. Vaggie wasn’t expecting him to be sitting outside of the building, smoking and drinking on the premise. Something was wrong with him and she didn’t know what it was. She would learn but something was still wrong. High School AU, FTM Alastor (doesn’t come up here), Human

________________________________________

She found him sitting outside the school. Truth be told, she hadn’t been expecting to see him here at all – he had been missing for a few days. He had told Alastor he wouldn’t be around for a while, so she hadn’t been surprised but now he was sitting here. Al hadn’t said anything about Husk coming back, so what was he doing here?

Vaggie found herself to be standing just right here, staring at him. Husk was sitting on the ground and if she could make this out right, he was smoking something. It might be a cigarette, or a joint. From this distance, she couldn’t tell. He looked beat.

Should she go over?

In truth, she hadn’t really interacted much with Husk ever since he joined their little group. She didn’t dislike him, not completely anyway, but she didn’t really know how to approach him. Even though he was only about a year older than them, to her, he seemed to be an old and grumpy man already. She had no idea what Alastor saw in him but then again, Alastor was a bit insane himself.

“You just gonna stand there?”

She looked up from her thoughts. Apparently her feet made the decision for her because here she was, standing in front of the grumpy man.

“You’ve been missing for a few days,” she said instead of walking away. She grabbed the straps of her rucksack and looked Husk over. There was a bottle in his hand and it was indeed a cigarette he was smoking. She didn’t think he should be doing that on school grounds but then again, he didn’t seem like he cared about stuff like that.

“I���m amazed you noticed that.”

Husk looked up at her and she saw the bruises on his face. He had a blue eye that looked really bad and his lip was bust open. His gaze seemed to be a bit glassy, although she didn’t know if that was from the alcohol or not.

“Alastor missed you,” she said even though Alastor had made no indication that he did so. Maybe she felt bad for the guy? She didn’t like lying to anyone but maybe it would cheer Husk up. Why she cared about that, she didn’t know.

Husk chuckled. “He didn’t.”

Well, that went well.

“What happened?” she asked and Husk groaned as he pushed himself up against the wall. His posture was hunched and his clothes looked dirty. He was breathing heavily and Vaggie was uncomfortable looking at him.

“What happened?” she asked again and once more he ignored her. Instead, he stepped up next to her, put his hand on her shoulder and limped away. His hand was warm. She didn’t look after him.

*

Husk didn’t come to school the next day even though Vaggie expected him to do so. Alastor didn’t say anything either. She was conflicted if she should tell someone what she saw as she hadn’t even told Charlie. Charlie would just worry and insist that they go and help Husk out. Now, Vaggie wasn’t opposed to help people out and if it made Charlie happy, it’d be good enough for her. But with Husk she wasn’t sure he could be helped and she rather not have Charlie get disappointed with her inability to help a friend.

“Alastor,” she approached him during lunchtime, “do you miss Husk?”

He looked up at her, blinked and finished chewing. “Not really, no. Why? Do you miss him, Vaggie?”

“What? No. But he’s your boyfriend, don’t you miss him at least a little?”

He simply shook his head. “He’ll come back eventually.”

Vaggie stepped away, sitting down next to Charlie. How could Alastor not miss Husk? If Charlie were gone, she’d miss her dearly. But maybe she just didn’t understand a guy’s mentality.

Charlie had offered to take her home and most days, Vaggie accepted. But today she had wanted to walk and not ride with Charlie’s dad in their car.

With Husk gone, it fell to Vaggie to organise their electronic equipment. She had done it before Husk arrived but he was just a lot better at it. She didn’t like admitting it, but it was just the truth.

While walking him, she thought about what Alastor had said. And yesterday, Husk had even said that he knew Alastor wasn’t missing him. She didn’t even know if these two were really in love. At least in school it seemed like they were just friends, like they were with Angel maybe. Most people didn’t believe it when they were told that Husk and Alastor were a thing.

Somebody bumped into her shoulder. “Fuck,” she heard the person muttering and stumbling away. She knew that voice. “Husk?”

She looked at the man and indeed, it was Husk. He was stumbling hard and it seemed like he was barely standing upright. “Fuck,” he muttered again and tried to look at her. His gaze was unfocused and maybe she was mistaken but his face seemed to look worse than it did yesterday.

“Sorry,” he mumbled and she realised he didn’t recognise her at all.

“Husk. Husk, it’s me, Vaggie!”

He stared at her for a bit, blinking a bit. He didn’t seem to recognise her at all still but nodded anyway. “Sorry,” he said again and he tried regaining his balance to keep walking.

In this instance, she made a decision. Something was wrong and she couldn’t just keep walking.

“Husk, wait!” She grabbed his arm, stopping him. She could feel the heat radiating through his clothes and she thought that maybe he was running a fever. Husk stopped and turned to look at her. He cast his gaze down at her hand and then back up at her face. “Let go,” he requested and his voice was awfully differently than usual.

“Come home with me, please,” she said quietly and he just stared at her. She still didn’t think that he could truly see her. Vaggie held his gaze in trying to convince him. She didn’t know what she would be doing with him at her home but she just knew she couldn’t let him wander the streets like this.

His shoulder slumped and he just nodded. She let go of his arm and instead took hold of his hand so she could drag him after her. His hand felt clammy and she was absolutely sure he was sick.

 It didn’t take long for them to reach her house and she knew her parents weren’t home yet. Good. At least she didn’t have to explain what a guy was doing in her bedroom.

After entering, she tried to drag him to her room immediately, but Husk wouldn’t budge. “Your house is nice,” and his voice was definitely starting to sound a bit sluggish. “Husk, come on,” she pressured him and he let himself be pulled.

She put him on her bed and took the time to really look him over. He was still wearing the same shirt as yesterday and it looked like it needed to be thrown away. His pants weren’t any better – they were full of dirt.

“Husk, can you look at me?”

He tried, she could tell. But he kept losing focus on her face and looked right next to her. “Stop moving,” he told her and she didn’t have the heart to tell him she was standing absolutely still.

“Are you hurt?”

He chuckled. He let his head hang and his breathing was haggard. “Husk, I’m going to remove your shirt, okay?”

He didn’t protest when she reached for the buttons on his shirt. Still, she made sure to move relatively slow so that he could tell her to stop anytime. He didn’t and she removed his shirt. “Husk,” she whispered upon seeing him. “What happened?”

He chuckled again, shaking his head. “Gotta earn money somehow, yeah?”

His upper body was covered in a lot of bruises and scratches – and some hickeys, too. She knew that Alastor wouldn’t have put them there and she didn’t like that knowledge. Vaggie set her jaw and she got up.

“Wait here,” she ordered him and she quickly left the room. She wasn’t gone long and she returned with a first-aid kit. “I’m going to clean some of the scratches, okay? Tell me if it hurts.”

She rummaged through the kit and offered him a pill. “It’s for your fever. Take it now, okay?” Husk took the pill and just nodded. He swallowed it as Vaggie set to work.

To his credit, Husk didn’t flinch or protest once. She tried to not think too hard about where the scratches and the bite marks came from. She didn’t want to know but she also didn’t want to forget. It was important and eventually, they would need to talk about this. Not now, and not with Charlie or Alastor, but someday.

 She wasn’t quite done when he took hold of her hand and pushed her away. “I have to go home,” he said softly and leaned forward to press a dry kiss against her forehead. “Sorry for making you worry about me. Forget about it, yeah?”

He stood up and simply walked out of her room, leaving her and his discarded shirt behind. Vaggie just sat there on the ground, looking at the spot Husk had just sat in.

Something was wrong. And she didn’t know what to do to make it better.

*

When Husk returned to school a week later, he didn’t really pay any attention to Vaggie. His black eye was almost entirely gone and he seemed to be back to form.

She wondered if he was hurt beneath his shirt.