#alan doesn't deserve you baby I'm right here

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

Can we please maybe get more disowned verse?

"I want to see my fucking kids-"

"And your fuckin' kids don't want to see you," you counter, folding your arms and blocking the door. Your big sister doesn't scare you. Mandy is all bark and no bite. There's no cash in the house and all the good shit is in safe deposit boxes and she knows it.

Also, the kids are at school. If she raised them. Or bothered to call them she'd know that.

She stands there. Yapping about her rights. About you "stealing her babies". And all you do is watch. Across the way you know Reba is peaking through her curtains- she's sent Alan, her husband to 'check on the plants' with the house phone in his hand.

You appreciate it, but honestly you'd rather just kick the living shit out of her. The kids aren't home to see it. And it's only 10am. The cops and the ambulance would be long gone before the bus got here AND you could probably hose the greasy patch off the driveway. That thought is satisfying. A little too satisfying- but you can't stop it, even if you know it would disappoint your mother.

Mama died waiting for her to get her shit together and you're still raw from watching her do it.

"Hey, Beautiful!" Jason said, strolling up the walk, "Looks like I'm just in time for a show."

"Who the fuck-"

"The man who takes care of Y/N's bitch work so she can raise your kids," Jason said, shouldering his way past Mandy and putting himself between the two of you."

"Fuck-"

"Nah," Jason said, towering over her comfortably. "You can fuck off though. Preferably before the cops show up."

Mandy snarled and Jason shrugged, "I'll give you a 30-second head start. It's more than you deserve. Don't think I didn't hear the shit you said to Y/N. Half of town heard it."

[farbeagle]

!! Just realized I never posted my Larry fanmix

Featuring my Parrothead!Larry agenda this started out as a joke

Tracklist (for preemptive vibe-checking):

In no particular order, subject to change

Margaritaville - Jimmy Buffett

Wastin' away again in Margaritaville / searching for my lost shaker of salt / some people claim that there's a woman to blame / but I know it's my own damn fault

Fly - Sugar Ray

I just wanna fly / put your arms around me, baby

I've No More Fucks to Give - Thomas Benjamin Wilde, Esq

The effort has just not been worth the time or the expense / I've exhausted all my energy for minimal recompense

It's Five O'Clock Somewhere - Alan Jackson

Haven't had a day off now in over a year / my Jamaican vacation's gonna start right here

I Love my Boss - Moxy Früvous

And though he pays me minimum wage / it's all I deserve at this stage / some union hack said I should ask for more / I answered with suitable rage

9 to 5 - Dolly Parton

9 to 5, for service and devotion / you would think that I deserve a fair promotion

Banana Wind - Jimmy Buffett

Boat Drinks - Jimmy Buffett

I'd like to go where the pace of life's slow, could you beam me somewhere, Mr Scott?

It's My Job - Jimmy Buffett

It's my job to be better than the rest / and that makes a day for me

Entry of the Gladiators - Julius Fučík

Flamingo - Kero Kero Bonito

How many shrimps do you have to eat before you make your skin turn pink? / Eat too much and you'll get sick / shrimps are pretty rich

Plastic Love - Mariya Takeuchi

Yofuke no kousoku de nemuri ni tsuku koro / harogen raito dake ayashiku kagayaku / koori no you ni tsumetai onna da to / sasayaku koe ga shitemo don't worry!

Puppet Boy - DEVO

Stand up, puppet boy / time to start the show

The Lazy Song - Bruno Mars

Today, I don't feel like doing anything / I just wanna lay in my bed

Down at the Lah de Dah - Jimmy Buffett

When you're back at work at your 9 to 5 and it's pouring rain on your morning drive / you'll remember when you were last alive

Money, Money, Money - ABBA

I work all night I work all day / to pay the bills I have to pay

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now - The Smiths

I was looking for a job and then I found a job / and Heaven knows I'm miserable now

Nowhere Man - The Beatles

Doesn't have a point of view, knows not where he's going to / isn't he a bit like you and me?

Work Bitch - Britney Spears

Bring it on, ring the alarm / don't stop, just be the champion

Working for the Weekend - Loverboy

Everyone's watching to see what you will do / everyone's looking at you

BREEZIN' - Masayoshi Takanaka

What's Up? - 4 Non Blondes

So I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed / just to get it all out, what's in my head

Sunset Park - Flamingosis

I accidentally added a fucking poll and I can't get it off and no way am i doing all that again (I'm on mobile) so uh.

[willow-salix]

The story... Of my precious one.

So, I was knocking around ebay and I see a listing pop up for an 'Allan Tracey " action figure. Meh, thinks I, it'll just be the carton one from 2000's...but I click... And audibly gasp, like full out" my fucking Gods!" scream.

Because I know that face anywhere, and that ain't no Alan... THAT'S JOHN BITCH!

He's lost the tip of his nose, he's wearing what might be either a sack or a sock... We aren't quite sure.

I show him to the girls and @misssquidtracy proclaims him to be hideous and haunting her when she closes her eyes... @olliepig says he has a flipper for a foot... I squeaked a protest because I was already in love by this point, totally and utterly in love with this gorgeous beast. @inertplanetary went awww because she's supportive. Not like those other two cow bags... Anyway....

I slap a bid in quicker than I would slap the next person that tells me Gerry hated John.

For six days I watch, I lurk, I pray to every Thundergod up there, because damn do I deserve some luck right now. So I pray, I pray with everything I have inside. I pray that people will be put off by the sack, that they will think he is ugly too, that they will miss him because he's misspelt and mislabelled. I want him more than anything in the world...

You see, I know my shit, I've done my research, and I know that they DO NOT make John stuff very often, either they make a full set or they make Scott, Virgil and Alan, you never get Gordon or John, and I was fully aware that in recent times there had been no John action figure made, which meant... Original from the 60's yo! So I tracked that sucker down...

Made by Fairylite, limited production run, genuine 60s and I was determined to get him.

I'd stuck on 99p and it didn't move at all. Twenty minutes before the end and I was sweating, like heart palpitations, anxiety attack for days, because I hate bidding on things, hate it. This little voice in my head, the one I always listen to says "up your bid" I'm like, but no one else is here... But I do it anyway, throw in £25 as a starter.

And I wait...

I have a minute to go and I literally cannot look, I'm laying on the couch with my big chief John sat on my shoulder like a gorgeous blue parrot and the cat staring at me. My eyes are covered... Kid had control of the stereo and for some reason best known to itself her Spotify takes that moment to throw up "Phantom of the Opera" dun... Dun dun dun dundun... I scream at her to get rid coz that's not helping my anxiety... She scrambles... Finds soothing 5sos apparently.

Eyes still covered... I peek... 25seconds to go. Close eyes again...

I feel my phone vibrate at 15 seconds, that means I got outbid.

I almost start to cry. It finishes. I opened my eyes....

Some bastard had tried to outbid me in the last seconds but aimed too low and I got him!!

Baby was coming home!

I was an anxious mess until my lovely postie handed me a box five days later...

He looked like a mummified body... The sack didn't help. But my gods he was gorgeous!! Just the most amazing nose missing, slightly crossed eyed, fading at the temples boy I had ever seen!

I quickly order him something more dignified and it arrived today

I get the scissors and prepare him...

Strip tease... Oh mmmmmyyyyyy @selene-tempest I'm sorry about this...

Cover ya bits baby, this is a family house... Cat is trying to help but its not Virgil so she doesn't really care, he's the only one she's got a crush on. She doesn't mind Scott but she does not care for Alan.

JOHN'S SPACESUIT TIGHT!

It won't go over his peachy ass! I had to wrestle this bad boy on.

Baby too thicc... He got muscles for days...

Look at those pecs...

And he's on the John shelf!!!

Edit: I wanted to have him sitting next to Big Chief John but the suit is so tight he can't bend, coz he muscle man. So until I get him more wardrobe items he's standing like Bond in the background.

Also his flipper feet are too big for the shoes that came with it. So he barefoot.

It was a saga, it was a battle that I valiantly and willingly fought... And he's mine! I'm in love.

[writtingrose]

Omg yes bc Alan 5 Angels is so adorable! If he liked him and you liked him back, he would never guess it! He'd be too busy thinking to himself that you're "way out of his league" and the rest of the Dark Order would spur this on by telling him this (even though they don't really mean it) 🥺. He'll always try to play it cool when the two of you talk, (and ignore how warm his face feels) keeping an eye out for fellow members of the Dark Order so he can cut the conversation short if anyone is coming your way (because he knows they'll embarrass him in front of you and he doesn't want you to think he's not cool because he thinks you're the COOLEST and making you laugh is the highlight of his week).

When he finally gathers the courage to ask you on a date and you AGREE, he's genuinely surprised and happy before- "The Dark Order didn't put you up to this, did they?" He asks with obvious fear on his face that instantly melts away into an expression of relief when you assure him they didn't and that you do want to date him. Getting ready for the date, he'd take forever, changing into different outfits and the other DO members try to give him a pep talk bc even though they rag on him he is the Baby of the group ("Y/N will like you in anything you wear, okay? Stop overthinking and throw something together before you get there late!") He follows their advice and when he steps out of his room, they all cheer and wolf whistle and he blushes but most importantly hopes you like his fit.

He still arrives to the restaurant a half hour before the time you two agreed to meet, and he has no problem waiting for you outside. He'd rather be too early. He sees a bouquet place across the street and runs there and picks up a small bouquet. He hopes he isn't doing too much but he really likes you. When you arrive, he's so happy that you showed up (and didn't stand him up). He sticks out the flowers with a, "Here, these are for you," awkwardly looking to the side and you smile at him because Alan is so sweet.

The two of you eat and talk and get along and Alan's trying so hard not to mess things up and he accidentally knocks over your glass, sending the liquid spilling all over your lap. He freaks, jumping up with napkins and apologizing over, until you put a hand on his arm, and he startles, looking at you like a deer in the headlights. It's endearing. You softly tell him, "It's okay, Alan, sit down." He does as told and chuckles nervously, "Sorry, didn't mean to freak out on you there, it's just I really like you and I didn't want to mess things and oh my God why am I rambling I don't want to make things weird-"

"Everything is fine, okay? Our date isn't ruined just because you knocked over my drink. I'm actually enjoying myself," you tell him and it was the right choice because his eyes instantly light up.

"You are?" You nod.

"I am." He smiles at you, before ducking his head.

And later, when he's in front of your house, you learn his kiss is as gentle and sweet as his smile.

- Just wanted to leave that for you bc you're right Angels needs more love and also you deserve to read something you enjoy for once because you're so kind using your time to fulfill people's request. Hope you liked this fusion of a mini fic/headcanons list thing I wrote for you!

Oh my gosh! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 🥺 This is the sweetest most amazing thing! Thank you ❤️❤️