#aka the cultivation world's Statler and Waldorf

[robininthelabyrinth]

WWX doesn’t get there fast enough and LWJ gives in to the pressure to drink with Jin Zixun. LWJ gets drunk and WREAKS HAVOC on Koi tower.

ao3

Untamed verse

“I feel like we haven’t really had a chance to catch up,” Nie Mingjue said to Lan Xichen, who nodded. “A few stolen moments during war aren’t exactly the same.”

“They definitely are not,” Lan Xichen agreed, and lifted his wine in a salute to Nie Mingjue, who returned it at once. “You can’t possibly compare the chaos of the battlefield with the calm and sedate atmosphere of a discussion conference.”

Something very large and undoubtedly extremely expensive fell over with a gigantic crash.

They both took another sip of their wine instead of wincing.

“How is your uncle doing?” Nie Mingjue asked. “Well, I hope? I trust he’s on the way to recovery?”

“He’s doing better. The doctors say he’ll bear the marks the rest of his life, but – which of us won’t? But still, he’s much better.”

There was a great deal of shouting. Much of it sounded panicked.

A set of guards in Jin sect gold rushed by, swords drawn.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Nie Mingjue said. “He did an excellent job during the war. Didn’t he always say that he was a poor swordfighter?”

Lan Xichen smiled. “He taught both myself and Wangji the foundation of all we know. Did you really believe him?”

“Not really. Still, he seemed so certain…”

“Ah, that’s shufu for you. He compares himself to our father, I think, though I wish he wouldn’t.”

Nie Mingjue nodded knowledgably. He’d heard the story, the real story, as very few others had; he knew why Lan Xichen was not more proud of his father, with his supposed genius for cultivation and the sword. There was a reason he and his brother had been raised by their uncle, after all, and why their uncle was justly proud of what he had accomplished. Who did not know the reputation of the Twin Jades of Lan…?

“None of us can escape our pasts,” he said, then paused to refill their bowls as another loud crash sounded, this time accompanied by a series of yelps. “But we can move beyond them, I think. You must come to visit the Unclean Realm sometime soon.”

“And you the Cloud Recesses. There is a lot to rebuild, but we’ve made some progress –”

“He’s on the ceiling!” someone shouted. “Watch out!”

Nie Mingjue firmly disciplined his eyes and lips, which threatened to curve into a smile. “I’d like to hear about the progress you’ve made. I assume your Wall of Discipline is still intact, at least?”

“Oh yes,” Lan Xichen said. He was also trying his best to maintain a calm demeanor, but Nie Mingjue thought he could see bits of humor stealing out around the edges. “Stone doesn’t burn, after all, and I think even Wen Xu thought it a bit of a waste to use spiritual energy to try to destroy it…not that we wouldn’t have rebuilt that as well, of course. Our family rules are our foundation and our guide.”

“Mm, indeed. There’s so many important rules there.”

Lan Xichen blinked a few times to dispel the smile that threatened. “There certainly are. Are you thinking of any in particular?”

Another crash.

Several yells.

“Where did he even find chickens?!”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said, his shoulders starting to shake. “None come to mind…”

Lan Xichen broke first, putting his hand over his eyes.

“Not even,” he said drolly, “the one against consuming alcohol?”

That made Nie Mingjue crack in turn, throwing his head back and laughing.

“I see your brother suffers from the family curse,” he said cheerfully. “With any luck, it’s just the one about wine and not doomed love.”

“If we’re lucky, yes. And it’s not really a family curse –”

“Xichen, if I hadn’t taught you that alcohol-numbing trick, you’d be playing a serenade to the moon right now. And it’s the middle of the day.”

“…you have a slight point.” Lan Xichen smiled at him. “Only very slight.”

Nie Mingjue smiled back, and handed him another bowl of wine. “It’s a pity you’re too busy focusing on that very tricky spell to be able to go help corral him.”

“Why would I?” Lan Xichen asked unconcernedly. “Jin Zixun wanted him to drink, he drank, the rest of it is on his own head.”

“I would have thought you’d make an effort,” Nie Mingjue said, his own humor fading, “for Meng Yao’s sake, if nothing else.”

Lan Xichen studied him, then sighed. “I do wish you’d get along again,” he said. “You were such good friends…”

“That was then.”

“And now you’re brothers. Isn’t that worth something?”

Nie Mingjue huffed. “When he shows any sign of actually wanting to do the right thing, rather than the politically beneficial one, maybe,” he said acidly. “I’m trying, Xichen. Don’t push.”

“Very well, I won’t…anyway, haven’t you considered that maybe I’m not helping for a different reason than mere spite?”

“Oh?” Nie Mingjue tried to think of what it might be. “Distracting attention from Wei Wuxian? Or…to him?”

Lan Wangji had a pretty obvious thing for Wei Wuxian, and judging by the way the latter man was currently allowing Lan Wangji to cart him around like a rescued damsel in distress (while laughing his head off the entire time), it might not be entirely unrequited. Lan Xichen always had a bit of a romantic streak.

“No, that’s just a side benefit,” Lan Xichen said. “It’s much simpler than that.”

Something flashed by them at high speed – a blur of white robes, with a big black lump tossed over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes, while the bag himself was cheerfully blowing kisses at their pursuers and yelling helpful things like “Alas! I’d answer your questions but I’m being kidnapped!” and “I promise to write after we finish eloping!”

Moments later, dozens of gold-clad guards gave chase.

“Oh?” Nie Mingjue asked. His face hurt from smiling too hard. “What is it, then?”

Lan Xichen leaned forward confidentially, and Nie Mingjue leaned forward to catch his words.

“Even if I were to help,” he whispered, “I have no confidence in actually being able to stop him. And wouldn’t that be embarrassing?”

Nie Mingjue burst out laughing.

“Only shufu can stop him when he gets like this, and only sometimes. What hope do I have?”

“A very good point,” Nie Mingjue said. “Are you at least going to go keep your brother from getting married while he can’t remember what he’s doing?”

Lan Xichen gave a deep sigh. “Oh, I suppose so. By chance, I don’t suppose you’ve got a matchmaker handy…?”

“By chance, Huaisang knows how to do the calculations, and I’m a respected senior,” Nie Mingjue said. “Trying to lock them down before they have a chance to get out of it?”

“No, no. Just…making it clear that it’s an option, that’s all.”

[viterbofangirllovestheuntamed]

#if they only had a chance these two would 100% be happy to be the next generation's Sect Leader Yao and Ouyang #aka the cultivation world's Statler and Waldorf (via op)

WWX doesn’t get there fast enough and LWJ gives in to the pressure to drink with Jin Zixun. LWJ gets drunk and WREAKS HAVOC on Koi tower.

ao3

Untamed verse

“I feel like we haven’t really had a chance to catch up,” Nie Mingjue said to Lan Xichen, who nodded. “A few stolen moments during war aren’t exactly the same.”

“They definitely are not,” Lan Xichen agreed, and lifted his wine in a salute to Nie Mingjue, who returned it at once. “You can’t possibly compare the chaos of the battlefield with the calm and sedate atmosphere of a discussion conference.”

Something very large and undoubtedly extremely expensive fell over with a gigantic crash.

They both took another sip of their wine instead of wincing.

“How is your uncle doing?” Nie Mingjue asked. “Well, I hope? I trust he’s on the way to recovery?”

“He’s doing better. The doctors say he’ll bear the marks the rest of his life, but – which of us won’t? But still, he’s much better.”

There was a great deal of shouting. Much of it sounded panicked.

A set of guards in Jin sect gold rushed by, swords drawn.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Nie Mingjue said. “He did an excellent job during the war. Didn’t he always say that he was a poor swordfighter?”

Lan Xichen smiled. “He taught both myself and Wangji the foundation of all we know. Did you really believe him?”

“Not really. Still, he seemed so certain…”

“Ah, that’s shufu for you. He compares himself to our father, I think, though I wish he wouldn’t.”

Nie Mingjue nodded knowledgably. He’d heard the story, the real story, as very few others had; he knew why Lan Xichen was not more proud of his father, with his supposed genius for cultivation and the sword. There was a reason he and his brother had been raised by their uncle, after all, and why their uncle was justly proud of what he had accomplished. Who did not know the reputation of the Twin Jades of Lan…?

“None of us can escape our pasts,” he said, then paused to refill their bowls as another loud crash sounded, this time accompanied by a series of yelps. “But we can move beyond them, I think. You must come to visit the Unclean Realm sometime soon.”

“And you the Cloud Recesses. There is a lot to rebuild, but we’ve made some progress –”

“He’s on the ceiling!” someone shouted. “Watch out!”

Nie Mingjue firmly disciplined his eyes and lips, which threatened to curve into a smile. “I’d like to hear about the progress you’ve made. I assume your Wall of Discipline is still intact, at least?”

“Oh yes,” Lan Xichen said. He was also trying his best to maintain a calm demeanor, but Nie Mingjue thought he could see bits of humor stealing out around the edges. “Stone doesn’t burn, after all, and I think even Wen Xu thought it a bit of a waste to use spiritual energy to try to destroy it…not that we wouldn’t have rebuilt that as well, of course. Our family rules are our foundation and our guide.”

“Mm, indeed. There’s so many important rules there.”

Lan Xichen blinked a few times to dispel the smile that threatened. “There certainly are. Are you thinking of any in particular?”

Another crash.

Several yells.

“Where did he even find chickens?!”

“No,” Nie Mingjue said, his shoulders starting to shake. “None come to mind…”

Lan Xichen broke first, putting his hand over his eyes.

“Not even,” he said drolly, “the one against consuming alcohol?”

That made Nie Mingjue crack in turn, throwing his head back and laughing.

“I see your brother suffers from the family curse,” he said cheerfully. “With any luck, it’s just the one about wine and not doomed love.”

“If we’re lucky, yes. And it’s not really a family curse –”

“Xichen, if I hadn’t taught you that alcohol-numbing trick, you’d be playing a serenade to the moon right now. And it’s the middle of the day.”

“…you have a slight point.” Lan Xichen smiled at him. “Only very slight.”

Nie Mingjue smiled back, and handed him another bowl of wine. “It’s a pity you’re too busy focusing on that very tricky spell to be able to go help corral him.”

“Why would I?” Lan Xichen asked unconcernedly. “Jin Zixun wanted him to drink, he drank, the rest of it is on his own head.”

“I would have thought you’d make an effort,” Nie Mingjue said, his own humor fading, “for Meng Yao’s sake, if nothing else.”

Lan Xichen studied him, then sighed. “I do wish you’d get along again,” he said. “You were such good friends…”

“That was then.”

“And now you’re brothers. Isn’t that worth something?”

Nie Mingjue huffed. “When he shows any sign of actually wanting to do the right thing, rather than the politically beneficial one, maybe,” he said acidly. “I’m trying, Xichen. Don’t push.”

“Very well, I won’t…anyway, haven’t you considered that maybe I’m not helping for a different reason than mere spite?”

“Oh?” Nie Mingjue tried to think of what it might be. “Distracting attention from Wei Wuxian? Or…to him?”

Lan Wangji had a pretty obvious thing for Wei Wuxian, and judging by the way the latter man was currently allowing Lan Wangji to cart him around like a rescued damsel in distress (while laughing his head off the entire time), it might not be entirely unrequited. Lan Xichen always had a bit of a romantic streak.

“No, that’s just a side benefit,” Lan Xichen said. “It’s much simpler than that.”

Something flashed by them at high speed – a blur of white robes, with a big black lump tossed over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes, while the bag himself was cheerfully blowing kisses at their pursuers and yelling helpful things like “Alas! I’d answer your questions but I’m being kidnapped!” and “I promise to write after we finish eloping!”

Moments later, dozens of gold-clad guards gave chase.

“Oh?” Nie Mingjue asked. His face hurt from smiling too hard. “What is it, then?”

Lan Xichen leaned forward confidentially, and Nie Mingjue leaned forward to catch his words.

“Even if I were to help,” he whispered, “I have no confidence in actually being able to stop him. And wouldn’t that be embarrassing?”

Nie Mingjue burst out laughing.

“Only shufu can stop him when he gets like this, and only sometimes. What hope do I have?”

“A very good point,” Nie Mingjue said. “Are you at least going to go keep your brother from getting married while he can’t remember what he’s doing?”

Lan Xichen gave a deep sigh. “Oh, I suppose so. By chance, I don’t suppose you’ve got a matchmaker handy…?”

“By chance, Huaisang knows how to do the calculations, and I’m a respected senior,” Nie Mingjue said. “Trying to lock them down before they have a chance to get out of it?”

“No, no. Just…making it clear that it’s an option, that’s all.”