#ajd then i started reading some poetry so there are sentecnes that are snippets from such piems

[nnatasha]

Dearest James,

I must open my heart and come out at once with what half kills me, for I fear that when I die they'll cut me open and find it engraved on my soul. It has been many a few years of my traipsing around waiting for you to let me in, and many more will come.

It has come out to my mother, unfortunately, and I hope you understand that I am far too ashamed to let you round for tea; Mother would undoubtedly try to wed us. The Countess, as you know, has been trying for years. I surely hope she remains shy to it, lest you may never want to enter the country again. She's already determined enough as it, no need for her making this discovery.

I'm sure you've known for quite a time, my feelings for you. As uncouth as it might be, I wish to tie our hearts together, chamber by chamber. I wish for you to be mine, dare I say.

Father would like for you to take up your job again. His luck in finding another footman is rather poor, and you're the best we ever had. You were always my favourite. Everyone misses you dearly.

Oh, do come back. I fear that I will drop dead any moment, that I'll never see you or feel the light caress of your fingers or even smell your horrid stench after aiding in the stables. I imagine that my heart beats in time with yours and that if I concentrate hard enough, you'll appear, more peculiar than electricity. I only live in the hopes to see you, to feel you again. My heart, my soul yearns for you. 

As the poets say, you're half of my soul and without that half I'm afraid I'll forever be doomed to go through life half awake if you don't have the decency to sew yourself to me. We'll be greater than Frankenstein, as horrific as it sounds. 

I can't seem to explain the state I'm in, the state my heart and my soul and my life is in. I miss you, I love you most ardently. You'll always be my downfall and you'll always be my light. Whatever our souls are made of, they're the same thing. I once heard the Lady Countess talk of Grandpa in such a way, and it made me swoon to think that people can feel and stay exactly the same forever. In another lifetime, I hope you think the same about me.

My love for you is more grand than the normal love, it's like a religion. Daren't  I ever say something so blasphemous again or I fear that the Lord will give me up to the sinners. Tell me you love me, I beg of you. I fight the urge to lay down in the street and tarnish the family name just to see you again. I miss you tragically. And I'll come back from the dead for you a million times over, more than that if needs be. It tears my heart in two that you aren't doing the same for me. 

I see you in the daytime, in shadows of light by the windows and I see you in the night, a pale hand reaching for me, never once making it. I am a walking boot, a resurrected woman and I'll never be the same again. My heart is shattered and the only cure is for you to be here, to sew it back together fragment by fragment. 

I'll see you again, I'm sure of it. In another life, or even sooner, when we're both six feet under. I'll burn this letter over and over, my feelings being destroyed in the ashes. I daren't sign anything, I daren't not even leave it in one piece. You won't mind, in sure of it. A man like you would understand me, warts and all. 

I am most definitely yours and will be for centuries to come, when the world is filled once again with light and laughter, when we're together. When elements are mashed together like the potatoes at dinner, when my love for you is stained into the walls and ceilings and floors of the manor.

I love you, and I fear that it'll be engraved on my soul when I die.