#ain't no way tee went emo

[soras-puyo-alts]

Nawwwww he became emo

[the-official-account]

Since today is Martin Killing-it Blackwood's unofficial birthday, (courtesy of @flashhwing) I would like to roast Oliver in his honor.

Disclaimer: i love every person and character mentioned here. This is all in good fun.

Ahem.

Bitch.

Avatar of the shitty psuedonym.

Thinks he's so cool because he bargained with the closest thing to fate. I eat corndogs for breakfast, I don't like beyonce, my little sister knows what arson is and likes it. Fate has a ransom on this ass, you ain't special.

"Antonio blake" ass. Sounds like the mc for a bad detective film ass. Waltzing into a hospital, what? For fun? Stop being edgy and go take a nap- OH WAIT. You can't.

He did tarot shit for a while and that's super cool I can't roast him for that at all. He wins this one.

And i- WHEEZE- I'm looking at his wiki page and this bitch really just walked around being ominous. Did you know he and Jane were coworkers? He just gave her sad looks like the emo kid who has a crush on you. Saunters up to Jennifer Ling, probably looking like Crowley from GO, (go buy some new pants, man) to ask what she's listening to like he's gonna cry if it isn't MCR (ash don't kill me, ik it's not real emo...i think? I dunno)

And yeah, I'm gonna say it, Simon McChicken Fairchild is more nihilistic than Oliver, and Simon's a capitalist.

This bitch pulls a whole-ass identity fraud scheme just to get a nap and ends up taking it to the face at 200mph. Not before he uses a GUN to kill the captain- Terminus be letting things happen but Oliver read You Are A Badass one time and gives no fucks.

Georgie swerved on his ass too, like damn. She said "smells like bitch in here" and she was RIGHT.

Avatar of the "that's kinda fucked up ig :/"

Avatar of the second spookiest tree in cannon. Wannabe ass.

Avatar of the "OoOoOoOoh InEvItAbIlIty" what's inevitable is you catching these hands.

Bitch probably dated the most vegan mother fucker on this planet. Puckerup, graphite-lips. But he's an economist so ofc he ain't even sure if that's Folger or not.

Speaking of, bitch was an economist but got so bothered about knowing how everyone is gonna die? Surprise, Motherfucker! It's capitalism. And I must know about this "dramatic" exit from his Barclay's? Did he punch some rich white dude? Because thats the only way he's ever getting my respect. Whatever it was, it attracted the attention of the end. Slow clap for Oliver.

We have to give him some recognition tho:

-most likely to have the highest literal body count

-most likely to be into hentai

-highest int. And lowest wis. Score

-Most likely to surpass AlexJN in terms of bureaucratic sexiness

-most likely to have the highest (metaphorical) avatar bodycount (based on the factors of 1.have they met? 2.do we know how that went? 3. Sexuality)

-most likely to tell you god doesn't exist

-most likely to kin that photo where Jonny "Why is he blue" Simms is being held hostage by a mushroom

Oliver is to the Archivist what @/pukicho is to the unprepared.

"Bee tee dubs, YwY, you'll die on September 23rd 2023, wear clothes you can get dirty"

Sure he'd be pissed about Jon's poor job habits, but he'd be more pissed trying to get Jon to RSVP for his own funeral when he can't get within 5 feet without Martin Knot-oliver-anything-but-oliver Blackwood decking his ass.

Bitch.