#ah i can't wait to resub again

[charulein]

I'm feeling a lil emotional over my WoL, Stubborn Yucca ;^; I was sorting through my screenshots and saw the first few I took in 2020,,,, So now I'm going to post some here!

The very first screenshot I took of Stubborn! 30.05.2020, feels like a century ago......

19.08.2021, over a year later,,,, My first gpose experiments in Heavensward, after the loss of Minfilia at the Banquet; here Stubborn changed for the worse, but hope was stronger than grief - for now.

Stormblood, 23.10.2022. Another change of outfit, and grief has eaten its way into Stubborn's heart after the last hope of bringing Minfilia back was dashed (thanks Urianger). She feels more like a weapon than a person right now, but Doma was a healing experience - at least to some extent.

11.04.2023, after the defeat of Ultima, the last screenshot I took of her for now. We'll see what Shadowbringers will bring and If Stubborn will get to be a lil happier.

I love her, man.

Bonus screenshot of her and Minfilia together<3

I miss her :(

[yoiku]

anxiety/ depression related ramblings i guess

is it weird to daydream about being able to play a healer in an mmo again without getting crushed by anxiety? Like what would it take? how many years of therapy to mend whatever got borked in my brain about it so badly I can't bring myself to even try it anymore. It's not even that I got mean randoms that would've loudly complained about it, my brain just really went as hard as it could right into the corner of shame for not feeling i'm doing good enough. I even had a lovely group when i briefly did raid prog back then, so it's not like that would've kicked it off either.(although I have to admit it wasn't my cup of coffee despite having its fun moments) I switched to dps because that felt like less pressure, but man it really never was the same. Heal/Support has always been the role I enjoy the most and in my heart of hearts still would. I guess total burnout in late 2018 and the massive depression that finally bloomed from that really went and fucked up my mind on so many levels? I've been really trying to think why i feel so strongly about such silly little things like this, and how to try and fix it. I think this is one of the reasons why I can't bring myself to play at all nowadays. I keep thinking about resubbing and just fucking around at my own pace, but playing an mmo like it was a single player game really kinda takes the soul out of it. starts giving that "ah i feel alone/like an outsider while surrounded by people" -vibe which is worse than just being by myself. (and yeah, i'm -still- waiting to get the proper documents in order to start seeking a therapist. yes, it's been nearly 6 years :) the healthcare might be nearly free but the quality and availability of it is another matter...)

[domesticandlovingmonsters]

Ima throw this there because I fucking loved your stories on Patreon. The wesker story is actually so good and the longer versions of the stories are so gooood. I cant resub right now but when you update the wesker story I'm THERE

AH! That's so sweet thank you so much! I can guess who you are and thank you again for supporting me.

And I'm so glad you enjoyed the wesker story!! So much planned for that and I can't wait to write it.