#again im still going to watch their stuff since it will remain free on youtube

[boyfriendunsolved]

I’ve heard people say like “Watcher expected their parasocial fans to just happily pay the fee” but if anything I think the opposite. I feel like the whole subscription thing was them thinking “of course our fans will be happy to pay more for the expensive shit we want to do, because we have vision, because we are artístés” and they were actually surprised when everyone was like uh dude your film degree means nothing to me. I think Watcher was under the impression their fan base was about the art, not the artist. Which is so funny because this is a ghost hunting show. It’s like a grocery store romance novelist being confused that people want to see romance scenes and missed her subtle nod to the deleted scenes in Citizen Kane.

i think this very firmly hits one of the main points on the head. i do think that they severely misinterpreted what their audience prioritizes (high production quality > personality and comfort). i think a lot of their staunch supporters throughout this also fell into this trap a little bit. i saw a lot of "it's their channel, they can make what they want and don't have to listen to the demands of their audience" which is again, technically true, but that doesn't make them entitled to an audience.

if anything, i feel like this debacle just highlighted the honestly astounding amount of people who have continued to support them despite not even having a strong interest in their content since the move to watcher. and maybe that's not what they wanted to hear, but there are a lot of people who would love to have their audience's love and dedication

[oudkee]

i’m feeling nostalgic about the last decade of my life so here’s a post reminiscing on that and a bit about why i am the way i am i guess... it got kinda philosophical as i wrote it... feel free 2 ignore bc it is relevant to literally nothing at all and is very disorganized but if you wanna read it that’s cool too! it doesn’t encompass every little thing that happened to me or even most of the things i was into over time but i think i covered all the major events and influential media

please like the post if you read it!

sad animal stuff tw

the 2010-2019 decade encompassed all of my teens so obviously i did a lot of growth as a person. and got 4 inches taller. but im proud of what i have improved on in spite of my shortcomings and some traumatizing things that have really set me back a bit.

at the start of the decade, my family living together was me, my parents, and our four cats: star, sara jane, ditto, and jefferson.

2010: i turned 13 years old in february. i was a volunteer at the public library in the town i lived in, so i got to see all my friends every wednesday. i was starting to get really into anime and getting out of star trek which i’d been obsessed with since like 2008. deviantart was my social media of choice and i met one of my best friends, daniel, this year and we’re still friends to this day. irl however, because of the recession, and the fact my dad had lost his job in 2008, we lost the house we were living in (foreclosure) and had to pull up stakes and move 5 hours away to far south texas (the rio grande valley), close to the mexico border, to live with my grandma in 2011.

2011: i turned 14 years old in february. 4 days later is when my parents and i, with the help of my uncle, moved everything including three of our four cats. one of our cats, star, we had to give to a shelter bc she had severe depression after we lost another of our cats, oliver, in 2007. she couldn’t take care of herself properly and we couldn’t afford to groom her etc any more. living in the valley was a bit neat at first but quickly became severely depressing. i obviously had no friends there since i was homeschooled and the libraries were... a bit lacking, so there was no hope in me volunteering. we were living with my grandma and things got a bit rough, she accused the cats of bringing in fleas (they didn’t have fleas before we moved there) so they had to stay in the garage, and relations between ourselves and her got a bit turbulent. my mom called her mother and we arranged for she and i to go live with her (a 9 hour drive away, the dfw metroplex) in june. my dad stayed in the valley to finish the college course he was taking. i remember i was very into sailor moon and megaman at the beginning of the year and... hetalia at the end... i was 14, okay? i also started my original tumblr account this year.

2012: i turned 15 years old. i was very happy this year, discovering my interests etc and just genuinely having a good time. i volunteered at a locally owned health food store a short bike ride from where i was living, and helped them clean up shelves and process orders once a week in exchange for a meal from the store. the two owners of the store were super nice to me and helped me out quite a bit as i was going through my late teens. i was WAY into homestuck and ace attorney and when my dad moved up with us that summer, we got really into fullmetal alchemist together. i had seen most of the 2003 anime when i was 13 but never finished it, so he and i finished that and brotherhood together. i was super obsessed with kimblee and gained a reputation on tumblr for being obsessed with him. i also gained a reputation on tumblr for laughing at this gif for 37 years. i also started dating my first girlfriend this year and things were good for a while. i was a bit emotionally unstable online but i kept myself in check irl. in december i got into an anime called inazuma eleven...

2013: i turned 16 years old. “dropped out” of tenth grade (still homeschooled so basically just stopped doing my work bc it was boring and not engaging.) inazuma eleven took over my life. i was completely obsessed. i remember little else about 2013 other than going to my first anime convention (a-kon in dallas) and meeting one of my tumblr friends, the person who got me into inazuma eleven. i also got very into vintage anime this year but i sincerely don’t remember a lot else. things again got turbulent where my parents and i were living (mental illness runs in my mom’s side of the family) and things were pretty horrible so i locked myself in my room almost all of the time unless the weather was cool enough for me to ride my bike around town. my love for desarm from inazuma eleven kept me going through the latter half of this year and became iconic in my tumblr circles much as my love for kimblee was. speaking of kimblee and desarm, for this year and 2014, several of my friends made their icon kimblee in 2013 and desarm in 2014 for my birthday. it’s a very small gesture and this was a long time ago but it’s something i’ll definitely never forget. i also got really into the x-files this year, my parents were obsessed with it in the 90s and gave me the middle name anderson because of gillian anderson. so it only makes sense that eventually i would vibe with it.

2014: i turned 17 years old. my parents finally had started saving enough money for us to get out and that spring we moved to an apartment. my previously mentioned friend that got me into inazuma cut me and several other friends off without a word and this has continued to give me trust issues especially concerning making new friends. my parents had to give up one of our cats to a shelter since the apartments had a two pet limit, and unfortunately the one that had to go was the oldest, my best friend, ditto. i did very poorly the rest of the year and into the next. however, this was also the year i discovered my favourite anime (galaxy express 999) and my favourite band (the b-52s) so it wasn’t too terrible. i also met one of my best friends, ash, irl (we had been friends on tumblr since 2012) and through them i also met another one of my best friends, elijah. i also met ANOTHER one of my best friends, conner, this year through the health food store. i inherited my parents’ x files media collection which included literally 7+ year’s worth of newspaper clippings, books, magazines, tapes, etc, including one fundamentally prophetic item. i got super into yu-gi-oh at the very end of the year.

2015: i turned 18 years old. i was so mentally and emotionally gunched that i had to break up with my girlfriend, we remained friends for a while but admittedly i wasn’t very good to her which i regret because she was one of the better people in my life at this time. my little yu-gi-oh obsession kept me going for a while, and i’d pepper in some of the retsupurae videos on youtube for a chuckle. through them i got obsessed with two dos games from the 1990s, darkseed and darkseed 2, and though /those/ i became obsessed with my favourite artist, h.r. giger. in the summer, we got this new channel on tv that showed vintage game shows 24/7 and i watched it super religiously. like, it was really crazy. one of the game show hosts in particular, bert convy, completely captivated me. something about his mannerisms and voice always soothed me and i always found myself looking forward to his shows being on. 

2016: i turned 19 years old. i got my first real job which i am still at currently, and quit working at the health food store. i started volunteering at a-kon and made great new friends. i was obsessed with 1990s sonic the hedgehog games and media for whatever reason the first half of the year. i also spent a lot of time researching things about bert convy’s life and projects he worked on, and he really inspired me to keep going. it was just wild to me, a famous person that didn’t spend their whole life doing only one thing... it soothed my uncertainty about my own life. with my fresh hot new paychecks coming in i started buying myself merch and cosplays i had always wanted... including things related to a series i was just getting super into again: inazuma eleven. i also remember getting into mystery science theatre 3000 this year (see the link in the 2014 paragraph) as it held nostalgic value for being present in the majority of my early childhood memories - my dad would constantly have it on whenever he was home from work circa 1999-2001 and i always remember loving the theme song and ending theme but getting frustrated bc in my head it was just sesame street for adults. try again in 16 years i guess.

2017: i turned 20 years old. i don’t remember a lot about this year other than our other two cats getting old and sick and passing away a few months apart. it was very stressful for me as i had never in my life lived without cats around. it took over a year for me to even be able to look at cat photos without feeling upset. i also had the worst food poisoning of my life this year and was actually convinced i was going to die because it was so violent and lasted so many days. another thing (this time it’s good) that happened this year is my parents and i finally all got decent phones and we all became addicted to pokemon go and still are. i also started dating my third girlfriend late in the year (idr when i dated my second bc it didn’t last long lol. but we are still very close friends) and she got me into monster factory.

2018: i turned 21 years old. got my GED without studying for it bc im that bitch. living at the apartment sucked absolute ass bc our neighbours were shite. so we moved to a duplex from the 1980s and it rocked. this year i was really REALLY into inazuma eleven again and made a bunch of friends in the fandom. i also became obsessed with vintage bollywood this year, particularly anything madhubala was in. one of my new managers at work and i became really good friends because we were both really into pokemon go. my third girlfriend and i broke up and it was a massive blow to my trust and self esteem and after this i had an even harder time really making new friends or talking to anyone. but that’s okay, because i’m about to get really into orange is the new black and it’s gonna change a lot. see the link in the 2014 paragraph again.

2019: i turned 22 years old. i spent january and february doing little else but binging orange is the new black. i was obsessed. this is when i started to have the really weird and kind of bad prison dreams. my favourite character was red, the russian lady running the kitchen. i was so so so in love with her that i had to find out what else the actress was in. uh oh! star trek voyager! i had never seen any star trek besides tos and tng so i made the plunge and loved it immediately. the characters of voyager became like a family to me. my friends from the inazuma fandom and i ended up having some pretty severe creative differences but voyager helped me take the blow of losing all that friendship because it helped me realize there’s so much more out there. i was (and still am) deeply in love with captain janeway, in spite of not always agreeing with everything her character did. her morally grey demeanor made her so much more real to me. my love for voyager was also boosted by the fact that my manager friend that played pokemon go with me also loved voyager and it was his favourite trek. in june i found a star trek cosplay group that wrote their own stories and made little fake “episodes” with the cosplay photos and i thought it sounded fun so i joined and am now the ship’s counselor. i was convinced by the captain to watch deep space nine in spite of me not wanting to, so as to further my st universe knowledge. i absolutely hated it at first but a character named odo grew on me quickly. i had to quit my job due to an abusive manager and was severely depressed over the summer but once that manager finally got fired, my manager friend rehired me with a good raise. ds9 as a series grew on me a lot more and i ended up making another one of my best friends, boss, because of it. i’ve made lots of other good friends because of trek too but because of what happened with the inazuma friend group i’m still a bit wary of others unfortunately. but overall i’m very happy that things led me to getting back into star trek again, odo and janeway both fill me with so much love that they keep me going. things aren’t perfect in my life but i’m very happy i have them, my parents, and my friends. also i’m really obsessed with vintage bollywood again. to be continued next decade