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thegettingbyp2 · 1 year ago

Note

Hey, this is the ask for when you start writing for Tveit again!

Aaron Joining the west end production of Moulin rouge and Actress reader playing satine and her having had looked up to him as a actor and just like moments throughout the run of them together from like them meeting in first rehearsals to like opening night and closing night. Sorry for it being very long and specific.

They Say Never Meet Your Heroes

A/N: Here it is! I've been writing this since July and I honestly can't explain how proud I am of this. I'm in love with this mini-universe I've created and I really hope you enjoy it!

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You had been a fan of Aaron Tveit from his Catch Me If You Can days and now you were actually starring opposite him in one of your favourite musicals of all time!

If only you knew the absolute rollercoaster you were about to embark on with him:

First Meeting

The moment Aaron walked into the rehearsal room, you were pretty sure that you stopped breathing. That was the moment it all started to feel real to you. You were actually going to be playing Satine opposite Aaron’s Christian; you had dreamed of this for years and it was finally happening!

Too nervous to approach him, you hung back, with your head buried in your script as you subtly watched as he introduced himself to everyone else in the room, your heart beginning to thud loudly in your chest as you heard his footsteps grow closer.

‘Hi, I’m Aaron,’ he introduced himself and you were quick to stand up, dropping your script in the process as you hurried to take his outstretched hand, an electric bolt shooting up your arm as you shook his hand.

‘(Y/N),’ you replied, your voice surprisingly steady. ‘I’m a huge fan,’ you said, mentally kicking yourself when he laughed.

‘Nice to meet you, (Y/N),’ he said, chuckling lightly. He bent down to pick your script up off the floor, his brow raising slightly when he saw ‘SATINE’ written in big, block capitals at the top of your script. He turned the script to face you, tapping his fingers on the front. ‘I’m really looking forward to working with you,’ he said, winking at you before giving your script back and heading over to talk to the director.

You lowered yourself back into your seat with shaky legs, quietly impressed with yourself for the way you’d handled meeting him for the first time.

Rehearsals

You couldn’t stop the laughter from bubbling out of your lips when you saw Aaron quite literally being thrown towards you. You were currently rehearsing Backstage Romance and you couldn’t help but laugh every single time Aaron was thrown in the air.

‘You know, I don’t know how we’re going to get through this number on stage if you keep laughing every time,’ Aaron said as he practically threw himself down on the floor next to you after being told that everyone could take a 15 minute break.

‘Well, if you stop pulling a face every time, I’ll be fine!’ you replied, shoving him away from you slightly.

‘See, you never should have told me that. Now, I’ll have no choice but to pull faces at every show,’ he said, his eyes glinting mischievously as he slid back over to you, resting his head on your leg. Ever since rehearsals began, you and Aaron had been getting closer and, you tell yourself that it’s because of the amount of times you’ve had to kiss him in rehearsal and not wanting to get your hopes us, but you’re pretty sure he’s been flirting with you. You both stayed on the floor talking for a while until you made to get up. Almost immediately, Aaron’s hand shot out and clamped on your thigh, effectively pinning you into place and you prayed that he didn’t hear your sharp intake of breath. ‘Where do you think you’re going?’ he teased.

‘To get my water bottle,’ you laughed, trying to keep your voice even.

‘I’m afraid you’re out of time,’ Aaron said, looking at you with mock-sympathy, making a big show of looking at his watch. ‘Because we’ve got about 10 seconds of break left.’

First Kiss

It was the end of the day and you were trying to fit everything back into your bag.

‘There’s no way you fit everything in that bag,’ Aaron said, coming up behind you, making you jump slightly.

‘Well, I didn’t pack everything in my bag…I carried my water bottle,’ you replied sarcastically. ‘What are you still doing here anyway, I thought everyone left.’

‘I was just looking over the script, something less I have to do when I get home,’ he replied and you couldn’t help but notice the undercurrent of nerves in his voice.

‘Like you need to look over the script anymore, haven’t you been in this show for the past two years on Broadway or something,’ you said, masking the fact that you knew he’d been in the show the past few years.

‘You weren’t kidding when you said you were a fan,’ he teased, making you flush red. You turned around slightly, focusing back on your task of playing Tetris trying to put everything back into your bag. ‘Hey, I’m sorry,’ Aaron said, reaching out to grab your wrist and turn you back around to face him, ‘I was joking.’

‘I know,’ you replied quietly, keeping your head down.

‘Hey,’ Aaron repeated, pulling you even closer to him until your chests were brushing against each others. ‘That’s not what I was doing anyway,’ he said slightly awkwardly.

‘What were you doing then?’

‘I was waiting for everyone to leave. So I could do this.’

All of a sudden, you felt his hands cupping your face and his lips pressing gently against yours. Your eyes fluttered shut immediately and you fingers gripped the t-shirt he was wearing, trying to hold him against you. The whole time his lips were on yours, you couldn’t stop thinking about how this was your life right now; you were kissing the Aaron Tveit, the man you’d admired for years.

As your fingers tightened on his t-shirt, Aaron’s arms moved to circle your waist as he pulled you tight against him. A groan, muffled by your lips, escaped him when he felt your fingers tangle in his hair. By now, you’d kissed Aaron plenty of times but this was different; this was because he wanted you and not because it was a part of rehearsal.

‘What was that for?’ you asked breathlessly, breaking the kiss to get some much-needed air back into your lungs.

‘Are you really going to make me say it?’ he replied, just as breathless.

‘Yeah, I think I am.’ You said, smiling at him cheekily.

Aaron chuckled and pulled you in again, lowering his head to press a gentle kiss to your jaw, smirking against your skin when he felt your pulse jump. ‘I’m saying that I’ve wanted to do this, pretty much from the moment I met you and I’d really like to take you on a date.’

You couldn’t help the brilliant smile spread across your face at his words. ‘I think I’d really like that too.’

‘Oh yeah? Do you have any plans tonight?’

‘Not a one.’

‘You do now.’

Opening Night

Your heart was racing the entire time you were on stage. It was opening night and you were pretty sure you were dreaming; not only were you performing opposite Aaron, something you’d dreamed about since you could remember, you were also dating Aaron, again, something you’d imagined but never thought would happen.

Hearing the applause at the end of the show is a moment that you were never going to forget, sure, you’d been in shows in the past, but this show was chalking up to be something special. The only people that knew you and Aaron were dating was your fellow cast mates, and that was only because Aaron had forgotten that you weren’t in the rehearsal room and kissed you when everyone had gone back to your place after rehearsal one night.

The moment you stepped offstage, Aaron whipped you off your feet, spinning you around before setting you back down and kissing you fiercely. Your hands wound in the lapels of his jacket as you grinned against his lips.

‘We did it!’ you exclaimed, jumping up and down slightly in excitement as he looked down at you with a look in his eye that you couldn’t quite place. ‘What?’ you asked, slowing your jumps to a stop as you looked at him.

‘I love you,’ he said simply and you felt your whole body still.

‘You what?’ you asked, not quite believing what he’d just said.

‘You heard me.’

‘Say it again.’

‘I love you,’ he said, grinning at you this time. Once again, you launched yourself at him pressing your lips desperately to his. ‘I love you too,’ you replied softly, tears gathering in your eyes.

‘Thank God,’ Aaron sighed out a breath of relief as he lent his body slightly against yours. ‘I’ve been waiting to say that for weeks.’

‘What took you so long?’

‘Opening night felt like the perfect time.’

Exposed

‘You’re sure the door’s locked?’

‘Yes, I’m sure.’

‘You’re sure you’re sure?’

‘(Y/N), it’s locked, you think I’d leave it unlocked with Ricky roaming around?’

You and Aaron were shut away in his dressing room, trying to enjoy some time just the two of you before the show. Usually that would be fine, however, Aaron’s castmate and from Moulin Rouge Broadway, Ricky Rojas had come to London to watch the show and he was currently wandering around backstage, talking to any and every one.

‘Fair point,’ you murmured, only to be silenced by Aaron’s lips pressing against yours. One of his arms came to wrap around your waist as he lifted you onto his dresser, his other hand coming down to lift your leg and wrap it around his waist. The feeling of him pressing against you, had you whimpering against his lips. ‘Aaron,’ you whined, causing Aaron to chuckle against you.

‘I’ve got you, baby,’ he murmured, cupping your cheek with his hand as he deepened the kiss. Your hands began to untuck his shirt from his trousers, giggling when you felt him shiver when your hands touched his bare skin.

‘And in here we have our leading man!’ You and Aaron were quick to break apart and create some space between you as Ricky came bursting into Aaron’s dressing room, clearly in the middle of one of his infamous Instagram Live Streams. The moment he saw you both, he was quick to end the stream and he started laughing hysterically.

‘Don’t bother to knock?’ Aaron asked, trying to hide his own laughter as he started to tuck his shirt back in.

‘I’m sorry man, I didn’t realise you had (Y/N) in here,’ Ricky replied. When he didn’t move, Aaron began walking towards him, ushering him out of the room.

‘Well, now you know so off you go,’ Aaron said, starting to close the door the moment Ricky was out of the room.

‘You’d better hurry it up though guys, you’ve only got 15 minutes until the show starts!’ he called through the door before you heard his laughter trailing down the hall.

‘I thought you said you locked the door?’ you questioned, trying to hide the laughter in your voice.

‘I thought I had!’ Aaron insisted, walking back over to you and wrapping his arms around you.

‘Everyone on that live stream knows about us now,’ you pointed out.

‘That should be the least of your worries,’ Aaron said with comically wide eyes. ‘The public have now seen me with my shirt untucked and I’m pretty sure they saw some skin.’

‘Please, you gave much more of a show when you were doing Graceland! With those grey boxers!’ you protested, not picking up on the fond look in Aaron’s eyes.

‘You watched Graceland?! And you moan at me when I say you’re a fan,’ he teased.

Closing Night

You couldn’t stop the tears from gathering in your eyes during the curtain call of Aaron’s final Moulin Rouge performance. It had been the best year of your life and the idea of Aaron moving back to New York was breaking your heart. You were squeezing Aaron’s hand as if your life depended on it as you took your final bows together. Just before Aaron made to step forward in order to make a speech, you were quick to step in front of him, shooting him a watery smile in response to the confused look in his eyes.

‘Hi, everyone,’ you began, reaching behind you to take Aaron’s hand in yours, grounding yourself. ‘Just over a year ago, I was told that I was going to be performing alongside a Broadway performer who I’ve looked up to and admired for years. I mean, I have t-shirts, bags, socks, I’m a huge fan,’ you said, shooting a glance back at Aaron who was barely trying to hide his smirk. ‘So, when I found out I was going to be working with him, I was 100% certain that I had peaked, nothing was going to get better than that. And then, I got to know him and we got closer and the next thing I know, we were dating.’ You heard the audience cheer when Aaron stepped up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder and pressing a kiss to your cheek. ‘And now, here we are, a whole year later, on your last show and you’re heading back to New York and I’m going to miss you so much.’ You turned around to face Aaron and you couldn’t help the tear that fell down your cheek as you looked at him. ‘They say that you should never meet your heroes, but I am so glad I met you.’

The moment you both got back to Aaron’s dressing room, he pulled you into him, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. ‘You really need to stop crying, or you’re going to make me cry,’ he said, making you laugh lightly.

‘I can’t help it, I don’t want you to go!’

‘Hey, look at me,’ he said, cupping your face in his hands and lifting your face to meet his. ‘It’s going to be okay, I’ll come visit you, you’ll come visit me, we’ll make this work, okay? It’s not forever.’

‘I love you so much.’

‘I love you too.’ You burying yourself into his chest, breathing in the familiar scent of him that you wanted to bottle up and keep with you. The two of you stood wrapped up in each other for a while before Aaron noticed the clock on the wall.

‘We need to go baby. We need to grab my bag from yours and head to the airport.’

#aaron tveit #aaron tveit x reader #aaron tveit imagine

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janeturenne · 5 months ago

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Hey so I'm that weirdo who turns up on the internet once every two years and then vanishes again into the ether...

Okay, first things first: I'm gonna be at Big Finish Day in London tomorrow. If you're there, please say hi! I'll be in CIA-Ace cosplay, complete with Docs and bomber jacket.

The big thing, tho, is that, after 15-odd years of ficwriting, I have finally gone "...these literal millions of words of fiction that I've written probably at some point began to constitute the kind of thing that even late-stage capitalism would recognize as Labor, huh." So when my husband and I started toying around with a premise based on our RP characters, I went - fuck it. Imma polish this up, put it on Wattpad and see if I can't take a crack at actually making a living from my writing. I've only wanted to be a writer since I was, y'know, five. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, yeah?

And so I've posted the first two chapters of a new original novel - not the one that some of you may have heard me talk about before (which I'm still being a bit precious about and trying to save for a publisher), but one that, if you've read and enjoyed anything else I've ever written, I hope you might like. It's Victorian and fluffy and romantic and, I hope, sexy, but it's also full of literary allusions, banter and female characters who absolutely will not be fucked with. Mostly it exists, in fact, as a giant middle finger to Leo Tolstoy, because I hate Anna Karenina on such a visceral level that it takes 60,000 words to say how much. Also, if you look at some of the characters, squint and go "...they look familiar," you're probably right. The main stately house is called Longbarrow Hall, that's all I'm gonna say about that.

So! If you've ever read and enjoyed anything I've ever written, can I please ask you to at least take a look, and consider sharing this post? Even if you find it's not really your thing, it would be so helpful to me to get eyes on it, especially early on. It's 100% written at this point, and is posting in 20 chapters. The first two are up today, and the subsequent ones will post every Friday hereafter.

Thank you very much! If you'd like to learn more, a full description is under the cut below.

No Doom But Bliss, by Jane Turenne, on Wattpad

A story of hard-won second chances, No Doom But Bliss is for fans of Bridgerton, Downton Abbey and Outlander, or anyone who likes their bodice-ripping grown-up, feminist, and a little messy.

Lady Tess Keighley has long since realised, too late, that her husband's interest in her is political rather than personal. Edmund got exactly what he wanted from marriage into her family: the office of Prime Minister. Tess, on the other hand, got a decade of neglect and cruelty that has left her believing herself wholly undesirable.

But that isn't what Kantor Mamblestone - Scotsman, ex-soldier, and currently her husband's secretary - sees when he looks at Tess. Her beauty, brains and sweetness are enough to leave his previously respectable Victorian soul in no little degree of torment. And, sweet though she may be, Tess has more fight in her than it seems…

#novel #original novel #historical fiction #romance #historical romance #fiction

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sing-you-fools · 1 year ago

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You say if we engaged critically we'd get better movies. You even say you proved through reasoning that better consuming=better productions. I'm not seeing that proof anywhere, or anything that resembles it, and I've read this over a couple times now. (A couple examples of times they've changed things doesn’t make proof; I have an equal number of examples off the top of my head of times creators have done things to actively spite the fans.)

Your point about creators once having been fans, while true, is a separate thing - if you're going to attempt to jump from fan to creator, yes, you need to think critically about the stuff you like and what makes it good, but at that point it's not about the fans anymore but in fact exactly what I'm saying.

"Critically engage" and "don't go see bad movies" are contradictory, yes, but you're the one who said we vote with our dollars. YOU said engage critically, YOU said capitalism listens to money, and I concluded that you must mean we should critically engage until we get to the point where we give up and stop seeing the bad movies, because otherwise YOU were contradicting yourself. We can tell them why it was the worst movie we've ever seen, in which case, Hollywood just continues to pull a Jack Sparrow and say "but you have seen it (and given us your money)" and churn out more of the same. And while I think voting with our dollars could work, it's a purely theoretical thing, because that's when we come up against the but people want to participate in society issue. We are simply not going to get the masses to boycott the movies until they're good again. So, the "contradiction:" Critical thinking will only solve the problem if it leads to abstaining from society, and that's not the solution because it's not going to happen. The italicized part, I thought, was implied. I guess not.

I was thinking maybe we were getting stuck in a "You're making a theoretical argument and I'm being cynical about how that's not going to happen" thing but I clicked over to your profile:

This level of aggression in your bio and ask button is... a bit much, honestly. This is the bio of someone who makes bold statements, doesn't back them up as well as they think, boldly asserts that they have proven their point, and declares victory when the other person gives up on arguing with a brick wall. Just so you know that's the impression it gives.

You say I haven't proven that capitalism is a system that inherently produces bad products. I don't have to prove that. It's 2023. We all know that by now. That's our established understanding of the world that you're trying to argue against. The burden of proof is on you, and you haven't convinced me. (Note that I'm using "capitalism" here as shorthand to refer to the stage of capitalism under which we're currently living; pointing out movies made under capitalism decades ago isn’t a counterargument.)

I'm not going continue replying to this because I have way too much to do to sit around arguing that consumers aren't to blame for capitalism actually. Congrats on your perceived victory.

It isn’t all the filmmaker’s fault that all we’re getting is second-rate remakes and sequels to franchises that should’ve been left alone a long time ago.

We don’t have a clear idea of why we like the things we like. So we don’t clearly communicate why we like the things we like. So it’s no wonder Hollywood keeps getting your favorite movies and their characters wrong. The fans don’t even know why they like what they like.

When Genie is set free in the original Aladdin, that moment was impactful, and you remembered it all through childhood. When Luke tosses the lightsaber away and says “I am a Jedi, like my father before me,” it was impactful, and you remembered it.

But did you stop and analyze why? What made those moments, and those stories, impactful?

Did you say, “Genie wished to be free for the whole movie, and he was always trying to tell Aladdin about how freedom only comes from trusting, and he was learning to trust Al himself, and Aladdin finally DID trust Jasmine to still want him even if he wasn’t rich, so he set Genie free in the most satisfying way!”

Did you say, “Luke spent all previous movies rushing into fights, and trying to control everything to save the ones he loves, but when he finally has his enemy at his mercy and is at the height of his power, he realizes that being a Jedi isn’t rushing and fighting and controlling; it’s having faith in the good and throwing your opportunity for control away.”

Did you think through and appreciate that stuff? The values? The point of the whole story, and how the characters act as pillars holding that point up? The good and the bad things that they embody?

No. Not out loud. Because we don’t think critically anymore. We just go “what’s this? Entertain me. Oooh, I felt something! Good! Next!”

The why behind what you like is the only value in liking anything.

But we don’t look objectively at the “why.” We don’t dwell on the “why.” If we dwell on anything, it’s to superimpose ourselves or whatever we like onto the characters.

You think Barbie was hyping feminism because you like feminism, and because you felt things during Barbie. You write fanfiction about Eddie Munson that has nothing to do with what Eddie Munson actually is as a character—because you like love stories, and you felt some compelling emotions when you saw Eddie Munson onscreen, so you’ve decided that those things should go together. You take something that made you feel emotions while you watched the canon material, then you don’t bother to process those emotions or what made the canon material compelling. You just slap whatever you already think you like onto something that made you feel, whether it had anything to do with what you like or not.

You eat the apple and benefit from it without knowing, at all, what nutrients are inside. Then when someone offers you crap and tells you it’s apple-flavored, you wonder why you’re not feeling the same way afterward.

Then you misdiagnose. You say “no, I don’t wonder why I’m not feeling the same—it’s because the CGI in live-action remakes suck!” Okay, great, so they’ll get better CGI. And it’ll still suck. Because that was never the problem, just like the reasons you liked the movie were never the reasons it actually impacted you in the first place.

Figure out. WHY. You like what you like. Figure out if it’s because the stories said what their creators objectively intended for them to say—or if you like the story in spite of that, not because of that.

Then open your mouth about it. It is worth it.

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nymphadorathetemplar · 2 years ago

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10 people you want to know better

tagged by : @wickfur @hiromiikunn

Relationship status:

never dated nor married

Favourite colours:

blues & oranges & black/white/grey-scale

Favourite foods:

Korean & Japanese cuisine, Asian or French style confections (i can't stand super cane sugary american sweets and high fructose corn syrup, i like light, creamy, and honey like sweets), potatoes

Song stuck in my head:

so many, i have an infinity radio playing in my head since the day i was born collecting more and more songs the longer i live. currently; a majority of the repeats are Vivid BAD SQUAD songs and/or covers

Last thing googled:

mousou dairinin

Time:

14:12

Dream trip:

no thanks. but if i had to travel somewhere i guess i like Japan, especially the classic Kyoto tourist attractions. or Edinburgh castle in the capital of Scotland.

Last thing read:

these questions. last story read; Project Sekai Colorful Stage (feat. Hatsune Miku) Scramble Fan Festival event episodes

Last book enjoyed reading:

Re-reading once again A Study in Scarlet (probably my fave Sherlock Holmes adventure) Last book enjoyed reading that wasn't a re-read; The Iskari Trilogy by Kristen Ciccarelli, read it all at once so it counts as one book for me

Favourite things to cook/bake:

idk probably pancakes, french toast, omurice

Favourite craft to do in free time:

whatever inspiration hits in the moment

Most niche dislike:

idk what's considered niche or not; having to rank my faves or pick a single "best/most favourite" i don't like having to quantify and decide precisely which makes me more happy. i only have broad categories of; 1) Fave! serotonin~ 2) Enjoyed would do/read/watch again 3) Fun but not doing/reading/watching that again 4) no thanks (for this same reason i don't rate shows/books on numerical scoring scale, such as MAL)

Opinion on circuses: never been because fuck animal cruelty i personally am creeped out by clown aesthetics and don't care to be around them (the clowns themselves are usually nice people tho) otherwise, the people who willingly perform, i think it's very impressive and cool to watch from clips of tricks i've seen online or how it's depicted in movies

Sense of direction?

almost always the designated navigator for my group when going out. like a video game map that starts out blank and fills in areas you explore, my mind makes an overview image as i move. and i mentally mark a few spots that i can return to like a homing pigeon. no matter how many turns i take i remember the compass direction of the mentally marked location.

Tagging: idk just claim i tagged you if you want to do it (seriously feel free to @ mention this blog if you do it, i like reading various answers but it's troublesome to think of others to tag and i'm lazy)

#of course i planned the timing i chose to answer these questions #tag meme #tag game #ask meme #ntt post

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completely-zucked · 3 years ago

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I've been homeless and immobile for a while, but I'm in danger of losing my accommodation and wheels (again).

Mentally and spiritually, I have been homeless for nearly two decades. I have once again been threatened with eviction because I don't have enough money in my bank account to pay my rent or meet my car repayment and other loans. Each time it happens, things get worse and there's no negotiating.

This time around, though, I might call their bluff, because I was already being driven mad (quite literally) by the restrictions, manipulating and gass-lighting (being called a cold, uncaring self-centred, irrational, illogical, lazy, stupid, narcissistic and paranoid sociopath — enough to make a guy with self-esteem and motivation issues suicidal). What's changed is that now I've been banned from using, cleaning and/or performing any maintenance on any room in the house except my bedroom (including bathrooms and toilets), which was previously one of my responsibilities. I have to use outdoor ones/the old servants' quarters, which doesn't have a door on the bathroom. )I live in the southern hemisphere; it's winter here.) I'm not allowed to hang a curtain or take material to make one, so I use an old chlorine bucket in the passageway/corridor outside as an indicator that I'm in there. I'm not allowed to be out there past 21:00 and am not allowed to move my stuff to the servants' quarters or garage because they are being used as storage space for tools and, occasionally, as a home gym by/for my landlord. I'm also not allowed to use any tools or appliances (including vacuum, cleaners, brushes, brooms, dustpans and cloths), because no maintenance. Everything of mine that I don't keep hidden and locked away has been confiscated. Of that, everything that I bought myself has been discarded or claimed as belonging to my landlord and landlady. (My soap, of all things, was the first casualty, which is what tipped me off and prompted my buying locks for those things I could lock away.) I am also not financially able nor permitted to buy more tools, containers or locks (and replacements for those) since my finances are being scrutinised and my choices, decisions and purchases criticised.

My broom is a paintbrush, my dustpan a plastic shopping bag and my duster a roll of paper towel. My vacuum cleaner is a cardboard tube glued to a Pringles can with a PC fan inside. ... And they wonder why I've taken to doing DIY projects that repurpose recyclable household items ; how irrational of me ... Le sigh.

That means no fridge, kettle, microwave or stove. I also don't get cooked meals. That would be fine on its own if I weren't subject to restrictions. I live off powdered milk, coffee, cereal, peanut butter, marmite, bread, orange squash concentrate, syrup, biscuits and bananas. Sometimes, I skim a couple of tablespoons of yoghurt out of the container when they're not around, or dilute fruit juice with water at a ratio of about 1:3, just to have some variety/luxury. I had some meal replacement shake powder too, just to keep me from starving, but that's gone and I can't afford to replace it. If I ask for more, I'll have to pay it back; they keep track of everything they buy for me (including a bottle of vitamins) that I'll have to pay back if/when I get a job again. I already owe about $220. It was, of course, a big deal when I bought myself twelve beers on special for $9 the day I got paid for the first lot of contract work I'd done in nearly six months since losing my job, despite the guy underpaying me by just over $100 because I hadn't insisted on a written agreement and was in no position to haggle/negotiate; the last time I do favours for friends, especially those who're religious. (The fact that I'm rationing out the beers at one a week and am only on my sixth one next weekend doesn't have any relevance to my landlady, who tried to confiscate a couple with intent to give them to my landlord and made an almighty fuss about how selfish I was being when I said I'd be fine with sacrificing them if either of them had just asked for one, how she'd noticed my ex always bought the wine despite our having agreed on certain divisions of costs when we were together, and a whole lot of other irrelevant bullshit.)

I need help getting out before the end of June, assuming I find a job and somewhere to go by then. Otherwise, I'm quite likely to end up on the street or attempting to off myself again. Currently, I have no job, nowhere to go and not even enough money to buy a cheap bicycle for $175. Even if I take my car to a dealer who'll settle the balance of my loan with the bank, I get nothing for it because it's an old model which I haven't been able to afford to take better care of and is pretty much a lemon four years after I drove it off the showroom floor. (I should have traded it in after two, before the new model came out). That's the best deal I've been offered. The alternative is to either trade it in for something else and extend my loan or take an amount that's less than it's worth and continue paying off a loan for a vehicle I no longer have. Hooray for death by a thousand cuts under Consumer capitalism.

Apparently, it's all my fault for not learning my life lessons, growing the fuck up, sorting my life out and GTFO of the family home a hell of a lot sooner (by at least a decade, nearly two), when the physical abuse by my peers first started in small and subtle ways. I thought that would all be behind me when I left high school, then varsity, then two corporate jobs. But no, I'm the kind of person who attracts bullies and toxic, abusive relationships.

The moral of the story

If I had known what I now know and the lessons I have learned when I was a padawan/young twenty-something, I would have taken my education seriously and applied myself to obtaining both CS and EE degrees instead of a crappy, near-worthless diploma, moved into my own two-room shoebox as a priority and bought a bicycle instead of a car. Anywhere I can't reach by bike probably isn't worth going and a car is an immovable liability/waste of money two years after purchase. At least I would have my own space (which I so desperately crave). At least then, I could be an allegedly horrible, reprehensible and repulsive degenerate of a person all by myself without anybody to hurt or hurt me. I'm fucking done with living with other people for a while. Fuck that noise; I want a thousand days of solitude, even if it's in a corrugated iron shack in an informal settlement. I'm prepared to cook my supper in a three-legged potjie over a wood fire and boil collected rainwater in a cast iron pot while I wait for my orchard and mielies to grow.

Honestly, at this stage, I'm prepared to live on a camp bed with a sleeping bag and a camp chair and folding table in somebody's garage, undercroft or old servants' quarters (as long as there's a plug point and running water) just to be able to get away from here. I just want some space of my own to be myself (horrible or otherwise) again and keep my interaction with people to a minimum while I figure out how to cope with/manage my shitty life situation, get back on my feet and out in the world again without being scrutinised, criticised, judged, condemned, restricted, rejected and ostracised. That shit is literally making me crazy and suicidal. It is not in any way conducive to me so much as thinking of an action plan/way forward, let alone pursuing it. Yet, somehow, I still manage to restrict the time I spend buggering around on social media (still too much), which I apparently need to succeed in the modern world, hunt for jobs, write, make music and try to flog my Patreon to disinterested parties. Oh, and I'm also writing a proposal for a social media site for someone who's attempting to gather funding.

Seeing my shrink for two hours a month (which costs me a month's wages from my part-time weekend job) and the afore-mentioned job is not enough, as much as I love animals.

So if you can spare between ten and twenty-seven dollars a month to help keep me afloat, please subscribe to my Patreon. Your support will be greatly appreciated.

#homeless #immobile #I need money #finance #abuse #gaslighting

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nevergrewup · 2 years ago

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Idk if anyone will look at this or see this but I wanted to make a sideblog for my current "swiftie era" (a.k.a. my current AuDHD fueled Taylor Swift hyperfixation)

I'm 27 years old, so I'm pretty late, but I've been a passive fan since Fearless. I had Fearless, Speak Now, and Red when I was younger, for some reason I missed 1989, but when Reputation came out I instantly became obsessed and listened to it every day. I still never went back and listened to 1989 until this year I think, and I didn't listen to folklore or evermore until this year either.

So this renewed interest leading into an obsession started with Fearless TV, then Red TV. Around March of this year is when I started to fixate. Cruel Summer became my favorite song. Reputation is still my favorite album. Also, my blog's namesake, The Archer is among my favorites but in the way that I feel like that song is a peek into my soul. My username can also be a callback to Never Grow Up though.

The obsession has been growing and growing since March but then Midnights came out and and I took a nosedive into being fully dedicating almost all of my free time listening to her music, watching videos, talking to my friends about her, etc. Two of my closest friends are also autistic swifties so it's a trip. I feel like her music and artistry really lends itself so well to being a special interest.

Again, I know I'm so late and I'm so new despite passively following off and on since Fearless, but my being autistic makes me fixate and love HARD. I have been using Spotify for almost a decade and she has already become my *number one artist of all time* on Spotify and thats even considering my favorite band of 17 years, Fall Out Boy (and holy fuck do I love that one of Taylor's favorite lyricists is Pete Wentz).

I'm going to try and see her in Houston. I'm working on not having an ugly sobbing breakdown during Would've, Could've, Should've if she does that live because jesus christ. Also champagne problems can y'all imagine? Fingers crossed for All Too Well 10 minute version. Fingers and toes crossed for Cruel Summer my soul will leave my body if I hear that live. I will trade literally anything for Cruel Summer. The absolute HIGH I get from that song.

Even when this obsession inevitably lessens for me, it's safe to say I now have a life-long steady love for her. I always felt like certain songs of hers could describe my life and my pain and heartbreak even when I was younger but now it's on another level entirely.

I was fully prepared to go see her in Houston alone, pay for it alone, drive myself alone, MAYBE meet up with one of my close friends I mentioned earlier. Houston is about 3 hours away from where I live in Louisiana (New Orleans is not much closer but it's more practical for me but it's not on this tour this time), but when it came up in conversation with my parents, I was surprised they wanted to go too and drive me there. I was so moved by that I cried. I registered for Verified Fan but I won't be surprised if I don't get a code. I'll be relying on Capital One pre-sale if not.

I'm just thinking about how even when I wasn't a swiftie, her music has still gotten me through so much in my life throughout multiple stages of my life. I keep getting emotional and crying thinking about having any chance of seeing her life. Having any seat in that stadium. The fact that my parents are willing to support me on this even though I'm a mostly financially independent adult.

Anyways I hope y'all will have me 🥺👉👈

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