#aesop really hitting the “i made you strangle me” as if it wasn't a conscious decision from embrace

[yellow-rose-embalmer]

Unceremoniously, Aesop drops to the ground, all but limp, mouth wide open as he gulps down breaths, chest heaving up and down in time with the hurried intake. His head still spins, his eyes are still unable to focus on anything when it all moves too fast.

Slowly, he is able to make things out once more. Slowly, he can recognize the face in front of (above?) him once again. The face of someone he had pushed to this point. The face of one he had shared the title of 'dear friend' with, even if too hastily.

If such a person hated him so much as to wish him dead... but then, why not go all the way? Why let him live when he flailed in a pathetic, selfish hope to live just a little longer? Why was that will to live, however faint... something desirable? If he had annoyed his friend to the point of a threat on his life, should it not be more desirable that he lies down and takes it, makes it easy? But... it all hurt too much. Quite honestly, his head still pounded, he could once again feel the still-present tears stinging at his eyes. It was all so embarrassing for someone like him. Going on and on about how death can be beautiful, and yet he fears when his time comes for he knows he will not be given kindness and a gentle ending.

Once Aesop's breath starts slowing down to a pace where he can properly speak, a hoarse voice leaves him, a confused voice, a slow and hesitant voice. "...I don't understand... Yes, it is true I do not feel... ready yet, but... if you truly wanted me dead, if I truly annoyed you so much... you were so close. Even if I do wonder what it is like to be preserved in motion, I... it is a change, and not one I know what I should expect from. If you never wanted me to die... I still don't... I should just accept my time when it comes, but if it hurts like that... I do not know if I will be able to." A pause, as the memories of how to get out of the worst trouble he'd faced prior, how to bend properly. "I'm sorry for making you do that, sir. It must have been something I said."

( @yellow-rose-embalmer )

Aesop arrives, holding himself upright as ever, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath before properly approaching. "...I think enough time has passed." He decides not to mention that it has only been a few days since the last meeting. He also chooses to ignore that he did not fully understand the instructions he was given, to wait until he'd cleared his head somewhat. What he did do, was hand over a letter, carefully folded and sealed, handwriting clearly measured, as if the words were considered before writing them down. "I believe something with as much weight as what you had given me previously warrants a proper response... take as long as you need." Once the paper is taken, Aesop folds his hands in front of him and waits.

[Eternity is a long time to wait, I more than know that. Even if I have not existed within it, it is what I have learned to deal with. I will not pretend to know your situation, I will not pretend I do not wish for you to finally rest, but... not looking for allies, yet not wanting to be alone. It is hard for me to separate friends and allies, but... I suppose someone outside of everything you have would be pleasant.

I have learned of many belief systems, but... I personally struggle to see luck as much of a factor. We have much in common, yes, but... who is to say that is entirely good? I had to pause when you described me as 'disillusioned', but... it makes sense. Regrettably. Perhaps I thought that with how little I had known you and how I had been expected to act around those of your status, everything could be taken away easily. I was also too eager to receive the title of 'friend', with how little I had heard it, even if I knew nothing of what lay within.

I do not know if my head is as clear as you would like, but... I do not wish to make you wait forever. You said eternity is too long to spend alone, after all.]