#adventures in joplin sibtain's imdb page

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Onto Safe, a Harlan Coben thriller. Everyone is horrible but I assume Marc Warren did it (Marc Warren always did it).

Meet NEEL (Neil), who appears to have the emotional intelligence of a brick, but a rather scrumptious looking dressing gown.

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Ohohohoho....you can stop me screenshotting but you can't stop me using snipping tool eh, Digital Theatre?

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I hate the fact I can’t get hold of this, hate it. Jason Flemyng!! James D’Arcy!!!

A still from the episode in question!

Genuinely haven’t managed to turn up a single whole episode though - just continuity trailers and the world’s worst quality phone camera video of a shoddy vhs recording of the show’s opening and closing credits. It doesn’t help that it was never released on DVD and shares a name with a popular current Scandi noir series, but I can’t believe no one has a home-recoded version to upload...there are literal hours of continuity videos! It’s trailed between The Tenant of Wildfell Hall and Billy Connolly’s World Tour Down Under! Why does the show itself not exist anywhere??

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BBC are you shitting me, you don't even know where your own children are??

You performed a number of searches????

What do you think I already did before contacting you? Jfc I should have been paid for all my fruitless googling.

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Yes, after the excitement of today and various teasing websites like ‘oop no, it’s not here actually!’ ‘not available now!’ ‘this page will only show up if your vpn is set just right and even then....no! not available!’ I gave in and spent actual money on this obsessive project.

No, I don’t speak or read Italian.

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Hhhhhh can confirm that every line he speaks in this is pure sex

cannot live in peace now I know what Brasso's lung capacity is like

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Othello, National Theatre (2013)

We're not here to talk about my state-instilled Pavlovian response (negative) to Shakespeare. We're here to talk about the one Valid Man in this play: Montano.

I don't need to walk it through, you all know the plot, don't you?

Don't you?

Go check it, I'll wait.

This is a great production, with Adrian Lester (of Hustle swag) as Othello, Rory Kinnear as Iago (yes, he of the Badmingtons from OFMD, playing bad guy bingo) and my BELOVED Lady Sarah from Garrow's Law (forever faves), Lyndsey Marshal as Emilia. I say it's great, though it is a modern setting (military) and....really brought home to me how much I don't think this play adapts to a modern setting at all. Not so much for the racial tension, but for the balance of power between the genders. Anyway sorry yes, we're really not here to talk about that. And the modern setting does mean we are blessed with a slutty t-shirt I have no doubt you'll all adore.

Man of many hats!

Montano was commander of the Venetian army in Cyprus and they were having a Bad Old Time against the Ottomans (yeah, modern setting, I know, just...Shakespeare goggles or whatever). The Duke of Venice decided to relieve him and put Othello in charge instead - and Montano is happy for it! (cf. Iago's response to having his position 'usurped' when Cassio is promoted ahead of him)

I'm afraid the subs in that first image refer to Desdemona, Othello's wife, not Montano 😏

Anyhoo, Othello's arrival coincides with a storm that wrecks the Turkish fleet, and there is Much Celebration! Meanwhile, Iago has orchestrated a fight between Cassio and Rodriguo - knowing that if he can get Cassio drunk he won't be able to control his temper.

No one's going to out-do Montano in drinking Othello's health!

Yes, I made myself figure out an easy-ish way of giffing, finally. I'll take requests later if anyone has any for other scenes...

Montano (totally ignorant of Iago's plans) challenges Cassio to SHOTS SHOT SHOTS (per original script) to Othello's honour.

Best quality? Hims wiggles.

Cassio is getting uh. Angry. And goddy. He tries to get everyone to pray with him.

Iago has a brief chat alone with Montano to claim Cassio is like this all the time and make Montano worry that someone should warn Othello.

Iago's evidently angling for Montano to do so, but he doesn't really get the chance, as Rodriguo, having provoked Cassio as planned, comes running in pursued by Cassio and Montano tries to break it up.

Cassio...really is an angry drunk. Who doesn't like Montano pointing out that he is drunk. An alarm is raised, a brawl breaks out, but Cassio really uh. Has it in for the big guy.

(who hasn't dreamed of climbing him like you're a big cat trying to bring down some kind of glorious ancient megafauna with your teeeth?)

Poor Montano. Bleeding profusely and Othello suggests he started the fight!

Whump fans, I have so many more stills and a little video clip - it will all be available when I'm done watching through the list, which will be very soon now :')

He has to go away and recuperate for a long time (a LONG time, this play is three hours long, which is very long when you already know how it’s going to end and it’s all just yes ok we know it’s a tragedy ok but where’s the goddamn catharsis???), but pops up again with his head taped up at the end. Mainly to stand around looking miserable while the Tragic Ending plays out, but he remains a good man, and that’s rare in this play.

The precise moment he realises Desdemona isn’t just...having a nap while they all argue (???)

Making sure Othello doesn’t get away, but also ready to...run unarmed after Iago. He gives the gun to Desdemona’s uncle and dashes off.

Brings back Iago, then disarms Othello (again)!

Striking a pose

Curtain call!

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Rating

Dead? Nope! A talent in a tragedy!

Evil? Not at all! The closest character I think I’ve seen him play to Brasso? And even more of a talent to live and not be evil in a tragedy!

Affects the plot? Yes - and the drinking contest isn’t pre-meditated, nor is his good-natured intervention in Cassio’s fight.

I find this play very long. I love a bit of foreshadowing and fated tragedy, but ever since I had to study this in school I found the ending a let-down after such plainly presented and inevitable misery. Montano is only in a couple of scenes relatively early and a couple at the end. They may be good scenes, and I may be able to see much of merit in the rest of the play, but it is a slog. Look at these screenshots though and tell me 3.5/5 isn’t fair, with the t-shirt gaining that extra .5 all by itself.

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Bonus: some stills from the behind the scenes footage of choreography of the brawl. They’re a bit blurry and a lot are just.....his back. I apologise for nothing.

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The Witchfinder (S01E01-02) (2022)

Another one I’ve already watched, actually the first thing I checked out after Andor. BBC iPlayer has been trying to push it on me for...a LONG time now, and I think I just always knew it wasn’t going to be as good as Ghosts or Detectorists, both of which are absolute faves. BUT.

John Stearne sure looks good. Now I know there are people with a whole...Tim Key thing around here, but if you don’t mind...I’ll take this one instead

As I said in my original response:

‘Noah fence but if he shouted DID YOU NOT LIE WITH THE DEVIL CARNALLY? at me I’d have some snappy comeback about his devilish good looks‘

Stearne: "Did you not lie with the Devil carnally?”

Assistant: “Simple question! Did you fuck the devil, yes or no?”

Accused: “I did.”

(he’s not saying it twice, it’s drawn out in one long word and it’s Epic)

Don’t come at me telling me how he’d make sure I’d die a horrible death I should fucking hope so too and I hope he leaves those boots on

Gideon, the main character, calls him a ‘bellowing ape’. Then realises who he is and tries to suck up.

(who he is is AWFUL and I just don’t care, get a load of that beard I [redacted for the sake of tumblr’s purity bots])

Innkeeper (who just asked him to pay for his bowl of cherries): “Who’s saying that?”

Stearne: “Well, I did, and you just have.”

Innkeeper: “I only said it ‘coz you...”

Stearne: “See how quickly these things catch fire?”

Of course, he uses hallucinogens to get confessions and doesn’t mind admitting it. He also thinks scripture is overrated.

He does a great Loom when Gideon pisses him off

But Gideon says he’s going to have his own trial of a witch put on in the square the next day, and invites Stearne

He never makes it though...

None of you mind the corpse screenshots right? We’ve had a couple already. These are the most....lingering though. He’s good at sitting still!

womp womp

Why do you think I began my rating system with ‘is he dead? is he evil?’

We have to watch one go in, of course.

The theory is he drank all the ale, slipped on the straw and impaled himself on a metal thingy. Probably showing off.

Episode 2

aka the first time I realised imdb was going to play me like a cheap kazoo. I give you the sum total of his appearance in episode 2:

the corpse is mutilated, so mark that up as having happened twice in recent TV! (Daisy May cooper is a common denominator, hmm....) (Gideon’s maid Old Myers cuts his finger off for the signet ring and then loses the ring)

Rating

Dead? Yes, and the reason I’m asking this question

Evil? Positively horrible. I....don’t care though

Affects the plot? Only in death!

I felt deeply cheated when I first watched this, but in the context of everything else I’ve watched, his scenes in episode 1 are still very entertaining. 2/5 because there are a few too many lingering corpse shots to balance out the beautify of the lush beard.

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I'm so tired

I was waiting for a half time break to go and sleep

Then, ok, looks like there isn't one. I'll stop at 1h 30.

Then.

Tits out, ready to gouge eyes.

Guess I'm not pausing this any time soon.

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Introducing my new side blog to you all! It is for appreciating Joplin, even more than we do here already.

It features a whole google drive full of screenshots, please enjoy and use them responsibly :3

Welcome! Care to avail yourselves of some screencaps? Please help yourselves to the contents of the Drive.

I'll update with any new material as and when I can get my hands on it. Drop me a message if you have any requests for more detail or better images from any of the shows or movies and I'll do what I can.

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Your periodic update on my ridiculous obsession

TO WATCH Finishing off today (it’s SO GOOD but I was very sleeby last night): National Theatre Live: Dara To watch tonight: King Lear at the Almeida

AVAILABLE SOON🤞(them’s that asks no questions isn’t told no lies...) Holby City, 2 episodes

SURELY, IF I CAN JUST FIND THE RIGHT PERSON TO EMAIL… Arman, short film Naachle London, feature film

UNAVAILABLE (FOR NOW? i refuse to give up) Doctors, 2 episodes (season 4 and season 7) EastEnders, 5 episodes from 2000 Beck, 1 episode

I WISH I DIDN’T KNOW THIS EXISTED IT’LL NEVER BE AVAILABLE In the Customer’s Shoes (new version), workplace training video

WATCHED (40 projects, beneath the cut)

Death in Paradise, 1 episode Andor, 6 episodes I Used to Be Famous, feature film The Witchfinder, 2 episodes Invasion, 2 episodes Avenue 5, 2 episodes Memory Man, short film White Gold, 2 episodes Nightflyers, 3 episodes Head Full of Honey, feature film Safe, 8 episodes credited, but it’s more like 6 Marcella, 1 episode Vera, 1 episode Hard Sun, 6 episodes Maigret, 1 episode No Offence, 3 (2?) episodes Emerald City, 1 episode New Blood, 1 episode Houdini and Doyle, 1 episode National Theatre Live: The Beaux' Stratagem National Theatre Live: Behind the Beautiful Forevers VP (Vulnerable Point), short film National Theatre Live: Othello Ghost Recon: Alpha, short/video game promo Casualty, 1 episode Hustle, 1 episode Sway – This is the Life, song and music video We Make Music, short film The Unforgettable, feature film Doctor Who, 1 episode Robin Hood, 1 episode Doctors, 8 episodes from season 10 The Sarah Jane Adventures, 2 episodes The Bill, 1 episode Where the Heart Is, 1 episode Footballers' Wives, 1 episodes Grease Monkeys, 1 episode Bad Girls, 1 episode EastEnders, 10 episodes The Stretch, TV movie

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JOPLIN FANS

I LEVELLED UP

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i have SO MUCH i need to do

which is why i’m emailing a screenwriter about a short movie from nearly a decade ago even though a specific actor isn’t credited in it but the film is nonetheless included in his credits in a casting announcement from ten years ago

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Doctors, series 7 episode 134, 'The Two of Us' (2006)

Joplin's second run at neverending BBC daytime soap, Doctors. It was on youtube the whole time! So maybe if I try hard enough I can find his episode in season 4 too, wish me luck...

Gary! I didn't try hard enough to find you before evidently.

Ru ro, hiding wedding ring? Or just finally getting rid of it after splitting from the woman we see next talking about how excited she is to have the baby of the guy she just broke up with...?

Guys this episode is 1. v soapy and 2. v Joplin heavy! Enjoy!

Some flowers arrive for him, aww!

Double aww he's man enough to admit he was nervous about meeting up with his ex, and he's been ticking off the weeks since they split up :')

"So what are we here to discuss...on our wedding anniversary?"

"I'm sorry, it was just a coincidence."

Holy shit lady

"Look Gary, it's just another day!"

"It's gonna take me a while to see it like that."

But he's been seeing 'Pippa' for a month or so, which really flummoxes unnamed pregnant lady,* who spills sparkling water everywhere.

*Claire

Oh my god, the supporting ladies are all dressed as pirates during their downtime. This IS 2006!!

oh dang one of them is Pippa...

lololol "That's what we came here to discuss isn't it? A permanent separation?"

Gary, tormented by ~~memories~~ wishes to sell the old flast and get a divorce. Claire still hasn't broken the baby news to him.

"I've still got some of your CDs back at the flat."

"I'm not missing any."

"Not even your Spice Girls album?"

"I never owned a Spice Girls album."

"You don't remember dancing round the kitchen to Wannabe?"

Babe, are you sure it wasn't your Spice Girls album?

He DID buy it!

Oh no, Pippa found a note on the flowers he accepted delivery for earlier: 'Dear Claire, happy anniversary, love from Gary xx'

And now Gary and Claire turn up joking about CDs!

Claire has to take a work call and Pippa wants to know...

"Has she come for her flowers?"

"Oh."

Babe.

He is a useless wet rag of a man who had a standing order with the florist and forgot to cancel it. And forgot to tell Pippa he was having lunch with his ex. Oopsie oopsie.

Meanwhile, that stress might be getting to pregnant Claire....

Man Pippa is insecure about Gary having lunch with his ex.

But y'know. He's pathetic and gorgeous so she forgives him.

Off she goes, but Claire's called a nurse to their address and Gary notices something's not right.

"Pregnant? How?"

now, sweetheart, has no one explained...?

"No one said it was impossible Gary, just highly unlikely..." (Claire has fibroids)

Ohhhhhhhh she lied and said 12 weeks and not 20!! The look of relief on his face oh no lady this is gonna bite you in the ass we're only 13.55 minutes into a 28 minute episode!

"Talk about me rushing into things... whose is it then?"

Ajsjdjjdjfff watching Claire dig this hole in real time as Gary reminds her that for years she was the one who said she didn't want kids because of her business (standard career woman vs mum conflict 🙄)

But to be fair she's also like 'what was I meant to say to every nosey fucker who asked when we were starting a family?'

Whatever Pippa's work is it seems to involve bitching about Claire with her colleague non-stop. Meanwhile Claire is telling the nurse how Gary *clearly* doesn't want kids. While Gary's making actual heart eyes down the phone to Pippa. And...not helping matters by lying to Pippa about Claire having left 'soon after you'. Are all soap characters compulsive liars??

Naturally Pippa hears voices, he says something unconvincing about the TV and her friend is listening and is gonna feed that suspicion...not least as Claire left him not vice versa.

I feel like Claire is being a real nob about Gary, assuming things about him when she never tried to speak to him about them...

He keeps putting on funny voices though, which is adorable. "She was always career-minded. ~~not the '''m0thERing kINd'''~~" ok babe way to not actually disguise your true feelings. He does admit that they were shit at listening and talking to each other so. Idk. Growth through distance?

Oooh Claire's bleeding and Pippa's at the door coz she left her keys!

Pippa is straight up batshit. Confronts Gary about Claire still being there and when he says she's pregnant and ill Pippa doesn't seem to get why he can't just...throw her out on the streets.

When he goes back up, the nurse leaves them alone and Claire, who's already been opening up about her vulnerabilities, admits to Gary it's his.

Obviously it turns out they both wanted kids hurp durp

And natch Gary *doesn't* want a divorce

And of course Claire is freaked out at the idea of staying together just for the kid because that's what made her parents miserable

But look at the puppy dog eyes

He knows the problem was they stopped talking

Meanwhile Pippa just....hands the keys back and goes

Claire! How can you say no to a man with that many shirt buttons undone?? Professing his love for you??

And now he knows Pippa's left him so he's free to badger Claire into being allowed to come to the hospital.

"I'm coming as a friend."

...as the actress said to the bishop 😏

Omg the original airing was followed later that day by Julian Clary's Who Do You Think You Are? which I must have watched...

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Rating

Dead? Nope!

Evil? No, not even a bad boyfriend!

Affects the plot? Now, I don't think Doctors operates on the basis of 'plot' so much as...placing one-off characters in situations. He's not the one with most control over the situation, but he does his best to assert himself bless.

Now, if you're into that kind of thing, I imagine he's very gorgeous. I am into the look, but the frank discussions of actually wanting a baby...not so much. Those undone buttons though! The side-lighting on his eyes! 3/5, it's good to be back in the game, Joplin fans <3

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Oh, you sly dog, you're going to get me to watch Shakespeare as well as soaps? Very well. I'm sure the Duke of Cornwall has plenty of scenes.

(has this only just appeared on his imdb page or did I miss it off my list before?)

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EastEnders run (2000-2001), part 4/4

You would not believe the effort I put into finding these two smh. But you all need to know how it ends, right? Take it from me: you do.

19 February 2001

Sandra turns up to take Joe for the holidays, in the process accusing Beppe of planting class A drugs on Jack to get him to lose his job.

Beppe denies it, but when Joe says something like 'Dad why did you get uncle Jack in trouble' Beppe storms off to the zoo with Joe, to the annoyance of both Sandra and his boss.

Exposition central, I wonder if Jack himself is actually in this one or if I need to go back an episode...

YAYY researching skilzz CONFIRMED! (UKTV player so only crappy phone shots I'm afraid)

Beppe: "What was your favourite animal?"

Joe: *points* "Uncle Jack."

The boys just about manage to keep their hands off each other, but it's nice to see Sandra being a bit more fierce and Jack a bit less so. Beppe refuses to let them see Joe despite what the courts say. And it’s just this one scene for this episode, so have a bunch of screenshots:

19 March 2001

End of the previous episode, Joe was asked to choose between Beppe and Sandra and ran across the street to Sandra but got hit by a car in the process.

He's fine but both of them are suitably chastened. Until they're told only one parent can stay the night, and then they start squabbling about that too. Sandra gives up first and leaves. The morning after, Beppe still doesn't trust her alone with him.

Here's our boy! Sorry, I just kept clicking and then it seemed rude not to upload all the photos 😇 SO MANY screenshots

Sandra says Jack has his own relationship with Joe and deserves to be there.

Beppe doesn't want to hear it, but agrees to talk with Jack for ten minutes. Jack promises Sandra no fisticuffs.

Jack says even though the drugs charges didn't stick, Beppe's still ruined his reputation and he has a few choice words about bent coppers...

(Beppe was kicked off the force for being corrupt, obvs)

Screenshots presented without further context.

The boys are fiiiiightiiiing (on the stairs which is a bit concerning). They used to be partners! How could Beppe do that to him?!

(is there fic? There's got to be fic surely?)

HELLLLPPP OH MY GOD BEPPE JUST RIPPED HIS SHIRT OPEN SJAJSHDHDJDFFF

(it's to check if he's wearing a wire. Uh huh. Sure.)

YOU'RE WELCOME INTERNET. I SPENT MY AFTERNOON WELL IN FINDING THIS FOR YOU.

My people, I bring you a gif, from a video recorded on my phone. It’s the least I could do, as the screenshots I tried to take just made me weep for how poorly they captured the raw artistic beauty of the scene...😌

This is the expression he pulls at having his shirt ripped open I stg

I couldn’t get this bit without blur :( too much jiggle

It's very much all about Beppe making this about Jack - wishing he had gone down for the drugs, going on about how they used to joke about 'Jack the lad' fucking anything that moves and so Jack must have stolen Sandra from Beppe and was it the same as all the others Jack tell me Jack I just want to know Jack when you were fucking everyone we used to joke about it Jack you used to tell me all about it just tell me Jack tell me like it’s me you’re fucking Jack

Izzy-Hands-OoohhhDADDY.gif

Beppe fucking. Goes for him.

The hospital staff evict them, and Sandra follows.

SIR YOUR TITS

Beppe: "Maybe I'm angry at myself for thinking you were anything but a two-faced scheming bitch and that Jack was a friend. He was like a brother to me all that time."

Beppe's really uh. Hung up on how they got together. He gets a big sob story soliloquy. Really twists the knife about what Joe wanted.

Tragically, Jack found a button.* *they’re actually poppers, presumably they didn’t want to waste buttons/shirts on multiple takes. This does, however, mean he should have been able to do it up sooner.

Jack's coffee-based peace offering is accepted, and then Sandra tells Beppe she won't go to court for Joe because it's not fair on him. Beppe agrees that Sandra and Jack can have Joe on weekends and school holidays though, so everyone’s happy ig?

Final shot of Jack: hugs with crinkly chin <3

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My godddd how are there no Jack/Beppe fics on ao3? Letting the side down EastEnders fandom *shakes head solemnly*

Right. That’s enough of all that.

Rating

Dead? No!

Evil? EastEnders doesn’t deal in the moral certitudes of good and evil. Jack fought for his girl, who wanted her kid back. He was just a bit of a creep while doing it. Allegedly he didn’t get with her while she was still with with Beppe, if that matters to anyone

Affects the plot? That’s what he turns up to do bitchessss! Jack’s in town to get Sandra back! And he gets her back! By being a persistent, shouty, whingy ass.

While I’m riding the high of the shirt-ripping still: 4/5. Tempted to knock a point off for that unhinged display in the pub with the American accent, but ultimately I enjoyed this exercise about a million times more than I expected to. Jack isn’t nice. I don’t like him, I don’t want to hang out with him. However, I understand him being known as ‘Jack the lad’ because if I never had to listen to him speak I’d be down for anything.

Anyway. I watched it so you don’t have to: you’re welcome, fandom.

I also unlocked a more than grudging respect for EastEnders actually, but you can’t watch episode after episode with an analytic brain on the whole time: things move SO SLOWLY for episode after episode, characters have the same conversations time and again so that anyone tuning in can catch the drift even if they’ve missed the rest of the storyline. And then EVERYTHING happens all at once with lots of drama. But there’s still something rather heartening about the whole thing.