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recentanimenews · 5 years ago

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KonoSuba Movie: Legend of Crimson – Megumin’s Homecoming

First of all, it’s been some time since I’ve seen Kazuma, Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness in their original non-chibified form, so it’s a rare pleasure to see them in their regular proportions and setting. KonoSuba’s twenty episodes proved you can make an often over-the-top isekai comedy with genuine heart.

If you liked the TV show, you’ll love the movie (as I did), which delivers more of everything. Though it contains roughly a half-cour’s worth of story, the ninety minutes just breeze by. Officially a sequel to KonoSuba 2, we return to Kazuma’s party’s mansion, where notoriously involuntary loner Yunyun has an unusual request: she wants—nay, must—make a baby with Kazuma. She comes to this belief upon receiving a letter from her father, Chief of the Crimson Demon Village.

While that letter turns out to be a work of fiction written by one of her academy classmates, Yunyun is nevertheless compelled to return to her hometown to help fight the forces of the Demon King. Megumin and the others decide to follow her, and rely on Iz to teleport them there.

Unfortunately, they end up far from the village, and in the midst of a stampede of rabidly horny she-orcs (there are no more male orcs) after Kazuma. After Yunyun’s request, this marks the second instance of Kazuma being entangled in romance (for good or ill) which he comes to call his “popular phase.”

What better way to learn more about Megumin than to visit her home? Turns out she’s hardly an anomoly, the town is nothing but overly-dramatic chuuni dressed in cool outfits with an emphasis on reds and blacks. The orcs are scattered by their overwhelming offensive magical power, a quality Megumin also shares with her clan.

Megumin’s parents are each eccentric in their own ways, while her little sister Komekko is adorable as all-get-out. Her family is poor, so the moment her parents smell money on Kazuma (he’s in the process of a 300m-Eris deal with Vanir to sell his memoirs), Kazuma finds himself at the mercy of a mother who wants to pair him with Megumin with all due haste.

To this end, she locks Kazuma and Megumin (sleeping due to a recent Explosion) in a room together. She comes to when he’s about to kiss her after much hand-wringing about how to proceed, and she escapes through the window to spend the night at Yunyun’s, fearing further lecherous advances.

The next day, Megumin shows her friends around the village, including to her and Yunyun’s (very Hogwarts-y) magical academy. We learn that when goblins attacked Komekko, Yunyun sacrificed her amassed skill points to repel the enemy. Because Megumin hesitated, that meant she was able to preserve her points and attain Explosion magic she cultivates to this day.

Megumin finds herself locked in her room with Kazuma again, this time by ice. Kazuma assures her that he won’t do anything, and offers his apologies as well as thanks for all the things she and the others have gone through with and for him.

It’s a very nice heartfelt scene, and Megumin even ends up clinging to Kazuma under the covers, commenting on how he’s really a “wimp” when it comes to making a move. Unfortunately, their tender moment is interrupted by the return of Sylvia, the voluptuous Demon King who leads the attack on the village.

Kazuma managed to scare her and her goblin army off with bluster earlier, but when she learns he’s not really Mitsurugi of the Cursed Sword, she takes him hostage…and Kazuma lets it happen. First, because it’s more proof of his Popular Phase; second, because it’s comfy between Sylvia’s boobs; and third, he has an ax to grind with his comrades regarding his treatment.

Kazuma accompanies Sylvia to the Crimson Demon Village’s underground storage facility, and inadvertently unlocks the chamber where Mage Killer, the one weapon he can’t let a demon king get ahold of, is stored. While he doesn’t intend to make things worse for the village, Kazuma’s so out of it he doesn’t realize punching in the classic cheat code on the Nintendo-style control pad would unlock the weapon.

He manages to lock Sylvia in the chamber, but once she has the Mage Killer and absorbs it into her artificial body, she blows the entire facility to kingdom come, then heads to the village to start blowing it up. Megumin leads Kazuma & Co. to more underground caverns, where they find Japanese carvings that explain the origin of the Crimson Demons, and why they’re so “pretentious yet nerdy”

Turns out their culture was basically created by another Japanese man sent there by the goddesses. He also built the Mage Killer, but also created a countermeasure for it: something he tentatively called “Railgun” that Kazuma previously noticed being used as a backyard clothesline in the village.

When Crimson Demons march out to defend their town, Sylvia engulfs them in an “Ancient Dispel” field that nullifies all of their magical power. They’re “saved” by a suddenly cool and confident Yunyun, finally taking up the mantle of her father the chief and luring Sylvia away.

Turns out she’s acting as a lure to bring Sylvia in firing range of the Railgun. Aqua fills it with magial energy, but it still fails to fire. That’s when Megumin unleashes an Explosion meant to his Sylvia directly, but is instead shunted into the rifle, which her little sister Komekko then fires.

Sylvia is killed, and ends up in the same place as fellow defeated Demon Kings Verdia and Hans. She merges with them an is resurrected into a huge, bizarre four-legged beast. Turns out her old comrades Wiz and Vanir have arrived in the village on an unrelated errand, and join in the fight, but even they are barely able to keep Sylvia at bay.

That’s when Kazuma decides to use his Popular Phase for good; by appealing to Sylvia’s innate need to be loved and wanted by somebody other than her adoring hordes of goblins. Kazuma, his luck boosted by Aqua’s blessings, is that person, and stands before her unarmed and ready to be taken into her arms…or tentacles…or whatever.

I never thought I’d empathize with a Konosuba villain so much, but Sylvia turns out to be one of the most dynamic and sympathetic of Demon Kings KonoSuba has served up. Her feelings, and specifically her romantic longing, isn’t entirely played for jokes, but portrayed as a very human side of her that turns out to be the Achilles Heel Kazuma must betray her heart to exploit.

He succeeds in gaining her trust and becomes one with her as Wiz gathers the magical energy from all of the villagers and transfers it to Megumin and Yunyun, who combine their powers to unleash a gargantuan Explosion beam that, combined with Kazuma breaking her heart, destroys Sylvia and ends the threat to the village for good.

Back home in Axel, Kazuma receives a hero’s welcome, proving his Popular Phase still has a bit left in the tank. While having a picnic with Aqua and Darkness, Megumin asks Kazuma to allow her to learn advanced magic, setting aside her Explosion magic so she can be of greater use to the party.

Kazuma may have long railed against her utter lack of versatility and durability in battle, but spending so much time in close quarters with her and meeting both her family and the villagers who shaped her, Kazuma suddenly isn’t so quick to deprive her of her “Explosiveness”. Whatever he does to her skill card, she’s still able to cast a beautiful Explosion that creates a heart-shaped cloud. And for that, Megumin is happy.

Did Aqua and Darkness get the short end of the stick in this movie? Perhaps, but that meant a lot of great development for Megumin, Kazuma, and their unique bond. They may get on each others nerves at times, but at the end of the day they’ll always be there for each other: Megumin blowing up something that needs blowing up, and Kazuma carrying her home on his back.

It’s quite simply KonoSuba at its absolute best, firing on all cylinders with confidence, comedy, and chemistry. My main gripe with this movie is that it makes me long that much more for KonoSuba 3!

By: sesameacrylic

#Anime #News #RABUJOI – An Anime Blog

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uas-fics · 6 years ago

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Title: The Paramour Offer

Summary: “There is no love in a political marriage, Stan. So, what do you say? Be my paramour.” That's the offer made to him by his king and best friend's wife. It's an offer Stan wants to except so badly, but he can't betray Kyle like that. No matter what lies her majesty says about Kyle having lovers of his own.

Rating: T

Ships: Stenny, K2, Jyle, Kydi

Content Warning: Adultery, loveless marriage

Other: Technically this was part of Stenny-Week, but I didn't finish it in time. Also, the fact that mistress does not have a proper male version annoys me to no end since paramour doesn’t have the same...vibe as a mistress...but I digress

Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

~~~~

The breeze came as a welcome relief to the blistering summer heat. It rustled the leaves, shaking the shadows as the horses and their riders rode through the forest. Stan reached up and wiped his brow. The weather of the Human lands was hot and terrible. How the inhabitants withstood it, he will never know.

He glanced over his shoulder. The queen was not bothered in the least by the heat, though that shouldn't come as much of a surprise. These were her homelands, after all. She was used to the awful weather.

The light glinted off her golden hair as she rode, back straight and confidently. It was a wonder she didn't take the lead from Stan. She knew these woods far better than he did. She could have left the main traveling party on her own and been perfectly fine. That might have been her plan, in the beginning, had Kyle not told her she had to bring an armed guard with her if she wished to travel off the main road, or he wouldn't allow it.

Feeling his eyes on her, she flashed a smile.

Stan snapped his head forward again, feeling the tips of his ears warm with embarrassment. The queen seemed too friendly with everyone, but with Stan in particular. He'd brought the issue up with his majesty a few times, but Kyle always shrugged him off and told him not to worry about it.

"That's just how she is. It is better having her as a friend than an enemy, after all," Kyle had wistfully told him.

The clopping of horse hooves stole Stan's attention to his side. The queen rode up next to him.

"So, how do they compare?" She asked.

"'Compare'?" He echoed.

The queen gestured to the trees. "The forests. How do they compare to the Elven Forests?"

Stan looked around. Of course, the forests here were not nearly as magnificent as back home. The trees didn't tower overhead and block out the sky completely. Their roots didn't dig down deep into the rich earth and their trunks didn't grow wide as ten men standing shoulder to shoulder. In comparison, Human forests were just plain and dull.

"They're nice."

The queen tilted her head a moment. "Really. I think they're boring compared to yours — I suppose I should say ours, shouldn't I?" She chuckled into her gloved hand. "It's still so strange not to be considered solely a Human ruler."

Stan pointed to his ears as he spoke. "You aren't Human, though. If anything, you have more of a claim to our throne than theirs."

The queen mulled over that then shrugged. "What is a half-orc - half-elf than a Human anyway?"

Stan could not argue with that. Instead, he changed the topic. "So, the wedding we're heading towards. Are Human ceremonies all that different from Elven ones?"

"Less dancing and glass smashing, but more food and drunk relatives. Other than that, they're pretty much the same."

Stan nearly pointed out that a lot of the traditions that happened at her wedding to Kyle were distinct to High Elves like the Broflovski family, and not to all Elves but decided not to bother.

She let out a dreamy sigh. "I've been waiting for this wedding to happen for so, so long!" She continued. "Craig and Tweek are soulmates. I'm so very excited for them and can't wait to give them my congratulations!"

"I see," Stan responded before clicking to his horse to trot a few paces ahead of the queen. "If you are so excited, why not stay with King Kyle. It would be a lot faster if we had traveled in a large group instead of just to two of us."

"Are you implying you do not enjoy my company, Stan?" The queen put her hand to her mouth in shock. "I'll have you know even after my poor course of actions during the war, I am still quite beloved by the country people." She snorted, urging her horse to keep up with Stan's. "If I want to take the long way and stop by some villages and speak with the common folk and hear their woes, I have every right."

"Of course, your majesty," Stan replied automatically. He knew from his years as Kyle's bodyguard it was sometimes better to just agree with the ramblings of royalty.

"Besides," she went on as if he hadn't spoken, "we are two days away from the main traveling party. It's not as if we were sorely missed when we were away."

Stan raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I'm sure his majesty missed you greatly, my queen. I see how much he adores you."

"I...I'm sure he has." The queen's face fell for a fraction of a second before she perked up again with a smirk on her face. "Who wouldn't? I am the most lovely creature in all the lands." She threw her hair over her shoulder. "Don't you agree?"

Only half to pacify her, Stan nodded. A laugh escaped her lips and she continued talking, though Stan only half listened.

He took a moment to eye her over. He couldn't say she wasn't unattractive: long, gold hair tied back in a braid, bright blue eyes, a neatly trimmed beard, a face that wasn't the extreme of too sharp like King Kyle or too round like the Wizard King's. She was lean, but not overly so, with a slight waist and palpable aura of grace and elegance.

By both Human and Elven standards, she was beautiful.

Before she could catch him staring at her a second time, Stan turned his thoughts and eyes back to the path before them. If they hurried, they could make it to the next village before the sun set.

After another hour of travel, the queen forced her horse to a sharp stop.

"Do you smell that?" She sniffed.

Worry saturated her voice.

"Smell what?" Stan sniffed the air. He smelled the sweat of their mounts and the distant burning of fires but nothing to concern himself with.

Her mouth fell into a line. "I smell blood."

"What?" Stan gasped. "How? I don't smell a thing."

The Queen carefully urged her horse forward, past Stan. "Orc." She pointed to her nose then sniffed again, "It's a lot of blood, too. A slaughter."

"Maybe the village got word of our coming and is preparing a feast? Perhaps the blood is from livestock?" Stan offered. The last villages they had visited did the same the moment they heard that a queen was in their presence.

The queen shook her head. She said no more. Instead, she slid from her mount, then took the bow from her back and readied an arrow.

Stan's stomach twisted as he pulled his sword from its sheath. The queen had instincts he never truly understood, but after fighting with her and against her in the war, he knew well it was best to trust her.

He jumped off his horse before taking the reins and tying it to a nearby branch. The Queen patted her horse on the muzzle, her eyes flashing purple, as she told it to stay put.

The two crept forward down the road; their bodies tense. The woods had gone deadly quiet. The birds no longer chirped nor an insect buzzed. Not even the light breeze stirred the trees.

The heavy silence sent goose flesh across Stan's skin. The queen was right. Only fear drove forest creatures to such quietness.

Suddenly, a scream pierced the silence. Without wasting a second, the two dashed forward.

Around a bend in the road, they came across a gruesome sight. Blood seeped into the earth. The corpses of at least five Humans laid piled into a haphazard heap. In the middle of the village square, a cage had been set up made of branches and fraying rope. The cage itself looked feeble. Even one of the children cowering inside could easily destroy it, and if not for the hobgoblins keeping guard outside, one of them probably would have. the rest of the hobgoblins ran in and out of homes, carrying away food, blankets, and other valuables.

Stan moved to attack, but the queen held up her hand to his chest. She raised a gloved finger and pointed forward.

A large creature stood, barking orders to the hobgoblins. Thick, matted fur covered its body. Its paws were large and clawed, like a bear, with an upturned pig-like snout on its ugly face. It stood upright, like a man, on its hooved feet.

"What is that?" Stan whispered.

"An ugly son of a bitch," The queen answered, eyes narrowing. "’Man-bear-pig.’ That's what they call it in these woods, but you would probably know it better as a 'bugbear'."

"A bugbear?" Stan took a breath.

Oh, he'd heard of bugbears. They were goblins of the Human lands, bloodthirsty and wild creatures who kidnapped children and destroyed villages. This one lived right up to its kin's reputation.

The queen raised her bow. "If I can hit its head or heart, I can kill it."

Stan nodded, readying his blade. The queen's aim was not one to be doubted, but even if they defeated the bugbear that easily, they still had all the hobgoblins to deal with next.

The queen began to mutter under her breath. Magic sparkled at the tip of the arrow. The moment she let loose the arrow, the tip burst into flames.

The arrow shot forward, digging deep into the bugbear's shoulder. It let out an ugly cry of pain. Its claws slapped at both the flames and the arrow.

Without wasting a heartbeat, Stan rushed forward, his sword raised. With a cry, he slashed down at the bugbear.

The bugbear roared, grabbing his blade between his thickly padded paws. Stan glowered at it before thrusting his foot forward into the monster's belly.

The bugbear stumbled back, blood oozed from its shoulder and its paws. The air stunk of burnt hair.

The queen ran from her cover, bow already firing at the lesser goblins. One of her arrows hit one straight through the eye. A burst of rainbow colored magic expanded from the arrow. The magic wrapped around two nearby hobgoblins and pulled them all into a tight squeeze until the sickening ‘snap’ of neck bones came could be heard. The magic dissipated and three hobgoblins slumped into a dead heap.

Seeing their comrades fall dead, the other hobgoblins froze. They exchange quick looks before turning heel and dashing into the forest.

"I suppose some goblins do have brains in their heads." The queen scoffed, darting past Stan and the bugbear to the cage.

The bugbear let out a low, rumbling growl, turning to attack the queen when Stan slashed forward. His blade bit into its side.

The bugbear turned back its full attention to Stan, swiping forward with its sharpen claws. Stan danced away as the monster came at him. It dove forward. Stan lept to the side, but he wasn't quick enough.

A strangled cry escaped his lips as the bugbear dug its teeth into the flesh of his calf. Gritting through the pain, Stan raised his sword to attack. The bugbear shook his head suddenly to the side then threw out its arm. It smacked the blade from Stan's hands.

The blade hit the ground and skidded over to the queen. She looked up from the cage, and fear crossed her features.

"Stan!" She cried out, but Stan didn't dare waste any energy responding to her.

The bugbear grunted as its teeth sunk deeper and deeper into the muscle. Stan hit against its thick skull with his fist and tried to pull away, but the bugbear was too strong.

He pulled his free leg back enough to be able to kick the creature in the side of the head, but the attempt did nothing but anger the bugbear more.

"Let him go, you disgustingly shitty wretch!" The queen's voice echoed around the village with both rage and authority. Before either the bugbear or Stan could respond, the queen hurled herself forward, blade in hand.

With a cry of rage, she pierced the sword straight into the bugbear's chest. The monster roared out in pain, finally releasing Stan's leg.

Stan scrambled away, thankful of the adrenaline to do so. An inHuman snarl came from the queen's lips as she twisted the blade in before forcing it deeper. Bones cracked and blood dripped from the bugbear's mouth and out its snout. It heaved and sputtered with unseeing eyes bulging from its head before it stiffened up and lay limp and lifeless.

The queen spat on its matted fur. "Pathetic creature. I'll have to convince Eric to do something about these backward when I get to the castle."

Stan opened his mouth to thank her, but instead, a gasp came out. He clenched his bitten leg between shaking hands.

"Stan!" the queen gasped, falling to her knees. "Oh, by the gods!" Her hands hovered over him unsure. After a few heartbeats, she swung her head up and yelled to the villagers, "Is one of you a doctor? A healer? Please! He's hurt!"

The sound of hurried footsteps neared them. Someone hovered close. They said something, but the pain made it impossible for Stan to focus. Gentle hands took his hands from his wound. He tried to put them back, but the hands held firm.

The tingle of healing magic flitted across his skin and the pain began to wane.

"Stan? Stan, how are you feeling?" He heard the queen ask.

He groaned in reply.

"Good. Rest now. I promise it'll be alright."

Stan did not argue with that order.

~~~~~~

His leg still ached when he woke, but the pain dulled down to an unpleasant thudding in time with his heartbeat. His head was fuzzy with the after effects of mediocre healing magic. He let out a loud moan and rolled his head to the side. A thick blanket covered him as he laid on a cot.

He wanted to push the blanket off and check his wound, but his limbs felt like lead, and he was so, so comfortable under it.

Just as he drifted back off, the door opened and a beautiful woman came in. She looked, but he couldn't quite remember who she was. A few flirtatious remarks drifted up, but they were so jumbled together, he couldn't pick one away to say to her. She just was so pretty.

"Can I kiss you?" he muttered, eyes dropping back down, the woman heard him and gasped a little. She said something, stroking his hair from his face, but Stan had already fallen back asleep.

~~~

"You won't be able to travel for another day," the healer told Stan with a frown the next afternoon. "I'll lend you a staff to walk with, but riding is out of the question until tomorrow."

Stan groaned, stretching out his bandaged calf. Of all the towns he could have gotten hurt in, it had to be the one where the magical healer had only a year and a half experience at his craft. Stan had much worse wounds magically healed in half the time during the war.

"Where is her majesty?" Stan took the staff and hauled himself up. He choked down a gasp of pain. The healer held their hands out, but Stan waved them away. "I'm fine. Where is she? I'm her guard. It's my job to keep her safe."

The healer frowned. "Outside, last I saw. She was speaking — somehow — with a crow to deliver a message. The children are very interested in her."

"She is a very interesting person," Stan said more to himself than the healer. The crow must have to been sent alert Kyle what happened and that they would arrive later than expected.

Stan took only a few steps outside the healer's home to find the queen sitting in a small patch of grass with a ground of young children gathered around her. Some women sat nearby, half keeping an eye on the children and half talking amongst themselves.

The queen weaved some flowers into a crown while a gaggle of little girls circled behind her attempting to fix a messy braid.

"There we go," the queen set the crown on a child's head. The child let out a cry of excitement and burst out of the crowd towards a woman with an infant on her knee. A few more broke off from the crowd to follow the first child.

"If you bring me more flowers, I'll make anyone else who wants a crown too." the queen smiled at the children.

"I'll get some!"

"Me, too! Me too!"

Four children turned on their heels and darted away to fetch some flowers, much to the amusement of the onlooking women.

With a gap in the crowd, Stan stepped forward.

"Your majesty? Is all well?" He asked. All the children turned to him with wide eyes.

"Wooow, he's the guy who helped kill the man-bear-pig!" one whispered.

"He's an elf! A real-life elf! Lookit, his ears!" Said another.

The queen clapped her hands. "Children, may I introduce the captain of the royal guard, a friend of wolves and badgers, slayer of ogres and bugbears, and a mighty hero of the war, Stanley Marshwalker."

Stan had a feeling she introduced him so extravagantly to draw some of the attention away from herself.

One child darted forward, tugging on Stan's shirt. "Lean down! Lean down! I wanna touch your ears!"

Another grabbed his pant leg. "Can I see your sword? Where is it? I wanna use it! I wanna be a hero."

Soon, it seemed as if the queen became the least interesting person in the whole village as all the children gathered around Stan. The women laughed but did not rush to Stan's aid. The queen rolled her wrist in a 'go-on' gesture.

"Distract them." She mouthed, eyes darting towards the town square, where the rest of the village was still cleaning up after the events of yesterday. The bugbear along with its fallen had been piled atop a stack of wood. The monsters head, however, had been cut off and a thick stick stabbed through its neck. The village would leave it somewhere as a deterrent to other bugbears.

A pang of pity hit his chest. He'd seen villages ravaged by war where children wore hopeless faces, unable to forget the horrors that they'd seen.

"Um, alright," Stan stooped down, still holding tight to the staff, then pushed his hair back behind his ears. "You may look, but don't--"

A flurry of small hands grabbed hold of his pointed ears and yanked him to his knees.

"Wow! Woooow! They're so pointy! Pointy point!" Someone bent back the point of his left ear.

"Do you hear better than people do? Hello! Helloooo! Mr. Elf can you hear me?!" A child shouted right into his eardrum.

"Can you move them like my puppy does?" yet another pinched his ear lobe and tugged on it.

"Oh, no, no, no!" The queen jumped to her feet. She as well as the women peeled the children away from Stan, leaving him dazed on the ground and clenching the staff with white knuckles. He would have rather fought the hobgoblins than deal with that ever again.

The queen bent forward. "Stan? Are you alright."

"What?" He reached up to rub the ear that had been shouted in. "Give me a minute."

The adults scolded the children as the ability to hear returned to him. Most of them did not look all that apologetic. Several were pulling at the tops of their ears instead of listening. He took deep breaths, then stood, careful to keep his weight off the bad leg.

"Sorry," the queen whispered. "I should have known they would do that."

"No, it's fine. I was just surprised is all," Stan whispered back. He took another breath, stepping forward. He said over the din, "I'm guessing none of you have seen an elf?"

The children spun around, instantly moving their attention from the adults back to Stan.

"No! Never!" said one.

"I saw one once," claimed another.

"That was just a weird shaped tree, and you know it!" a third accused.

Stan breathed a laugh and shook his head. "If someone finds me a chair to sit on, I can tell you all about us."

Soon enough, Stan settled down into a rickety chair, thankful to be off his injured leg. About that time, the children who ran off to find flowers returned with their arms full of blooms and leaves. The queen sat off to the side, continuing to weave flower crowns as Stan started taking questions.

Thankfully, all of them were silly questions that proved none of these children had been more than two miles outside of their home village and nothing outrageous.

"Can Elves only eat vegetables?"

"Some do, but we don't have to."

"Is it true you can talk to trees?"

"I can't, but I know some priests who do."

"Can you move your ears? Do you hear better?"

"Only a little, and, yes, I can hear noises from farther away than you could."

"Do all Elves use magic?"

"Do all Humans?"

The answer to that final question sent a wave of understanding across the children's faces. They began to murmur amongst themselves.

The queen chuckled into her hand then sent him a smile that made his stomach flip. Moving to hide his ears behind his hair, he turned his attention back to the crowd. At this point, some of the older children had taken a break from helping the adults to stand at the edges of the crowd.

One whispered to another, and the grin of pure mischief that only teenagers can manage crossed her face.

"I have a question." The teen asked, snorting, "Do, uh, heh-heh, do Elf men have the same, ah, stuff as Human men? You know, uh, down — down there?"

At this point, she and her friend doubled over, leaning against each other for support. Several of the adults shouted the teens' names reprimandingly as the younger children exchanged confused expressions.

Stan's ears twitched in embarrassment, escaping from behind his hair, and showed off how pink they were. He scrambled to find an answer that wouldn't offend the adults or tip off the children to what the question meant.

"Well, of course, everything is the same," The queen quipped, holding up her final flower crown. "How would there be half-elves like myself otherwise?" She set the crown on a toddler’s head to adjust it. "Though it was my mother who was the elf, not my father, but the principle is the same."

Stan sighed with relief. The growing crowd of adults taking lunch settled down as the two teenagers who asked the question where led away for a talking to. Neither one seemed all that apologetic.

Another teen, this one wearing a surly expression, pushed closer, then loudly, and rudely, asked, "You're half-orc, aren't you? My mom says that's why you did what you did during the war because orcs are power thirsty and ugly. Mom says that you're a half-orc, and daughter of a runaway Elf queen. Is that true? Is that why you stole the relic during the war?"

The queen flinched back but quickly recomposed herself with a simple, disapproving frown. The adults and teenagers in the crowd gasped, several shouting apologies to the queen for the teen's behavior. An adult gripped the teen's arm in a white-knuckled grasp.

"Young man! These two saved our lives, show some respect!" The adult snapped, glancing warily at the queen. "Farther more--"

"I have a question for you, young sir," the queen cut in, speaking in a tone so overly polite and sweet, that Stan shuddered.

The surly teen shrugged off the adult holding him and stood with his arms crossed, waiting for her question.

The queen stood, brushing off her skirts, then carefully picked her way through the children. As she neared, the teen's bravery wavered and he sunk back into himself ever so slightly.

With a pleasant smile, the queen crouched down just enough that she and the teen were looking at each other in the eye.

"Do you know what the saying Ni ukhould noav ukpeak abouav whaav ni doeuk noav know, leukav avrolluk ukaveal hiuk aveeavh means in common tongue?" She reached up and pinched his cheek. "It's a mouthful, I know, but it roughly translates 'One should not speak about what one does not know, lest trolls steal his teeth.'"

The queen flashed a wicked smile, her eyes flaring purple with magic. She squeezed his cheek tight between her fingers once then stood up straight. The teen's stumbled back, holding his face, looking terrified.

"Many people did many things during the war they are not proud of; I am no exception," She announced. "But if your mother so wishes it, I'd be willing to explain to her, in full detail, the corrupting effects of centuries-old tainted magic. Though I will admit now, they are less than pleasant."

A woman a few steps from the teen cringed and shirked back behind another woman, who looked at her with disapproval — the surly teen's mother, no doubt.

Folding her hands in front of her, the queen requested Stan to escort her back to the healer's home.

"I'm a bit tired from all that weaving," she explained, waiting for Stan to stand up and follow her back. The adults went right to scolding the teen as the children whined about the queen and her Elf guard leaving them. The queen did not pay them any mind.

~~~~~~

The healer's house had three rooms, two of which were divided into two smaller rooms. The front room held the hearth and was where the healer did their work, the other was a large storeroom for their magic and medical supplies, as well as their food stores, and the third was divided into individual bedrooms.

The queen's room was the larger of the two with a big goose down mattress sitting atop of cot. the queen herself sat down on the mattress, staring out the window into the town square to watch the crowd she had amassed dissolve.

Stan leaned against his staff, chewing his lip. Should he say something? That final question stung her. It was well known amongst the nobility to never speak of the queen's Orc heritage nor her mother's abandonment of the kingdom.

He wished the royal bard, Jimmy, had come with them. Jimmy could make Kyle laugh until he had a belly ache. He would be perfect for helping the queen’s mood, but Jimmy always stayed with Kyle on trips, just in case some foreign dignitary or custom caused Kyle’ anger to flare and their king needed to cool his head before he did something regrettable.

Stan was alone in this endeavor.

He took a breath. "Your majesty, may I ask you a question?"

"If you fucking have to," The queen grumbled, dropping her royal dignity to swear.

"That spell you used yesterday, to light the arrow, where did you learn it?" He sat next to her on the mattress. She blinked and looked up, surprised that the question wasn't about what had happened outside.

"Oh, that? A simple fire starter spell." She explained. "Heidi taught it to me."

This was a positive topic Stan could use to lift the queen's spirits. Heidi Turner was a Human sorceress that the queen brought with her to the Elf Kingdom upon her marriage to Kyle. She spoke very highly of the magic user, praising her as the best in all of Zaron.

"She's very impressive. Didn't you say she trained under The Wizard King?" Stan planted his staff between his feet and leaned against it.

The queen chuckled. "That's exactly why I took her with me. It made Eric so pissed, I was sure he was going to push me off the top of the castle barracks."

Stan furrowed his brow but snorted a laugh anyway. "Really? Was she that special to him?"

"Special is an understatement. I think he wanted to marry her, but," the queen shrugged, "Eric is a douchebag, no offense to His Majesty, King Douchebag, of course. Once she started to surpass him in skill, he got so enraged about it, he actively tried to sabotage her studies. I couldn't have such a bright light go out, after all--and the look on his face when I told him I had Heidi studying with the best Elven magic users was priceless! He looked so red like he hadn't taken a dump in a year!"

"You took her with you just to spite him?" Stan chuckled. "How do you think The wizard king will react to when you tell him that Heidi and Kyle are working closely on a magical project?"

Stan didn't know much about Kyle and Heidi's project, except that it involved the mixing of Human magical tradition and Elven, but he did know that the two had become very good friends since the project began.

More than once, Kyle had sent Stan from his guard post outside the royal library to fetch an obscure ingredient for their experiments, only to come back to find them joyfully sharing a chuckle.

"I don't think I've ever met a Human as smart and funny as she is," Kyle told Stan once with a deep fondness in his voice.

In his mind's eye, Stan could almost see the Wizard King explode knowing that his ex-lover and his hated rival king were such good friends.

He smiled at the queen, expecting her to be smiling at her own mental image, but instead, her face deadpanned and she looked down at her hands.

"Yes. I'm sure he will not be pleased in the lease," She said slowly, "at how close Heidi and Kyle are."

Shutting her eyes, she told Stan to leave her be for the time being. Guilt gnawed at his stomach but Stan did as he was told.

At the door, he paused a moment to say, "You're a wonderful queen, your majesty, regardless where you come from."

~~~~~

Later that evening, Stan lay on the cot in his room, a bowl of stew nearly finished in his lap. According to the healer, he should be able to ride by tomorrow morning. If they didn't take any unneeded stops, the queen and he could easily make it to the castle in Kupa Keep before nightfall.

A knocking came from the door before the queen poked her head in.

"Your majesty, is everything all right?" Stan straightened up in his bed.

"Well, yes, but also, no." She wrapped her shawl around her shoulders and crept in, shutting the door behind her. "I have a request."

"Anything," Stan replied, trying not to focus on her chamise's low neckline. Without her corset on, he could see a little more than he felt comfortable with. As he banished any less-than-noble thoughts from his mind, the queen took a seat on the stool next to the bed.

"May I sleep with you tonight?"

Stan nearly choked on his meal. He coughed, beating his chest for a minute, then turned a wide-eyed stare at the queen.

"Excuse me?"

"You see, this room does not have a window, while mine does. Some teenagers kept coming to spy on me all last night, and as tempting as it is to blast magic right in those little shithead's faces, I would rather not give anyone any more reason to dislike me than they already seem to," she explained.

Stan gritted his teeth, looking around. "Where is my sword. I'll teach them how rude that is."

The queen put her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back down. "No need for that. Just let me stay here with you in your room."

Stan pressed his lips into a line but nodded regardless. He made a move to leave the cot for the floor, but the queen shook her head.

"No, no, I can bring my own bedding in."

A half hour later, the queen sat down on her own cot that she set up parallel to Stan's.

Stan asked, "Are you sure you don't want one of these blankets?"

"I'm fine," The queen reassured.

"Of course, you're majesty." Stan bent himself in a half bow from his bed.

The queen frowned at him. "You can call me by my name. I know you call Kyle by his."

Since their shared childhood, Kyle had been Stan's best friend. Their bond was close as brothers, while Stan could only call the relationship between him and the queen friendly at best.

"Is that an order?" Stan asked.

The queen hummed. "Yes, I think it is. You have to call me 'Kenny' when we are alone together, understand?"

"As you wish, your maj — Kenny," Stan corrected.

Kenny smiled at him, her eyes twinkling. The tips of his ears heated up. Stan turned his head away from her and pretended to scratch the scalp right above the tip of his ear so she couldn't see.

She was so lovely. Kyle was a lucky, lucky Elf. Sometimes he wished Kyle had passed on the offer to marry her so Stan could have attempted to court her. He had enough noble blood in him, along with his achievements as a war veteran, to have attempted with no complaints that he was overstepping his bounds — not that it mattered at this point.

"One more request, Stan." Kenny swung her legs off the cot. "Would you mind if I removed my glamour?"

Stan furrowed his brow, turning back towards her. "You have a glamour spell on?"

Of course, Stan was no magic user, but he could usually detect basic illusionary spells well enough, especially at such short range. Perhaps Kenny's natural magical aura drowned it out, he thought.

She smiled sheepishly. "Yes, I'm afraid so. Maintaining it without thinking is second nature after all the years I've done it, but I do like to give it a rest every now and again."

"Of course you can. I don't care." Stan told her, trying to keep the curiosity out of his voice.

Kenny clasped her hands together with a grin. "Lovely. Thank you!"

The next moment, the queen changed. The hair on her arms and shoulders grew thicker and wiry, like bronze wire. Her bottom canine teeth poked out over her top lip and her muscles became more defined.

Her natural strength was so evident, that Stan couldn't help but to admire her. She might not have met the beauty standards set by Elves or Humans, but she was starting to meet all of his.

"That's better." She stretched then caught Stan's gaze on her. She cocked her head coyly to the side. "Enjoying the view?"

"Yeah," Stan replied instantly. "I mean, you look as radiant as ever. I don't see why you keep it on."

A sad smile crossed her lips. "Well, that's one person who thinks that."

"Two. His majesty must think so, too," Stan pointed out.

She barked a laugh. "Oh, no, he does not. He actually becomes quite uncomfortable when I remove my glamour around him."

Kyle was many things, but shallow enough to tell his wife to hide her true face because he didn't like it, he was not. And if he was, he would have told Stan about it.

"But he loves you." Stan shook his head. "That doesn't make sense."

"There are many kinds of love, Stan." She stood and went to stand over him. Kenny tilted her head at him, something soft in her gaze that made Stan's heart thump loudly against his ribcage. She leaned down and kissed his cheek.

"What Kyle and I have isn't the love you think it is," she whispered into his ear.

Not just Stan's ears went red this time. His whole face was the color of a fresh strawberry as the queen pulled back, but not entirely, out of his personal space. She lifted her knee onto the cot so it brushed against Stan's side.

"I don't—"

"I admire Kyle as a friend and a leader, and as far as I know, he admires me the same way, but we don't love each other, not like that. I don't think we could ever see the other in that way."

"But..." Stan puttered out, his head spinning. Before he could speak another word, Kenny placed a hand on his cheek and stroked under his eye with her thumb.

"You, on the other hand, I can see with me in many ways." She pressed her lips to his forehead as she spoke. He could feel her lower canines against his skin, and he didn't dislike it.

"There is no love in political marriages. So what do you say? Will you be my paramour?"

Stan's mouth gaped open and shut like a freshly caught trout. It was hard to breathe, and his body felt like it was melting from the heat. A heavy, guilty, enthusiastic 'yes' sat on his tongue, pushing against his teeth to get out. He swallowed it down. It tasted bittersweet.

"I...I can't," Stan stammered. "You're my best friend's wife. I can't do that to him." Stan put a firm hand on her shoulders and pushed her back. "And I can't believe you would do that to him. You took a vow!"

"Keep your voice down!" Kenny looked over her shoulder towards the door. "I'm not doing anything Kyle isn't already."

Stan narrowed his eyes. "Are you implying my king is an adulterer?"

"I'm not implying; I'm confirming." She readjusted her shawl. "He had lovers well before I was married off to him by Eric. Jimmy and Heidi, both."

Stan shook his head. Of course, he knew Kyle and Jimmy had gotten particularly close when Stan left for training when they were teenagers, and that Kyle and Heidi spent many hours studying and comparing the magic of their two peoples, but Kyle wasn't in love with either them.

If he was, he would have told Stan for sure. He always told Stan his secrets.

"I'm going to sleep. Let’s not speak of this again." Stan laid down. He yanked the blankets out from under Kenny's knees to pull over his head. "Good night, your majesty. Sleep well."

Kenny heaved a sigh. "Not as well as we could have, my dear."

~~~~~~

AN: The Orcish Translator I used

Next update should be in a week, next Sunday.

#south park #stenny #jyle #kydi #k2 #fanfiction #dual shot #stick of truth #sot #stan marsh #kenny mccormick #kyle broflovski #Jimmy Valmer #Heidi turner

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