#administrator Gwyn wants me in the queue

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I assume from the meme that you really like rereading things because you write things intending readers to read the same story again!

Correct!

I know not everyone will reread, even if they really like a story, because everyone reads differently.

But I write my stories specifically with rereading in mind, so that the second and third rereads actually feel more rich and revealing than the first.

This is a combination of unreliable narrators, reveals, things like... the pleasure and thrill of going back and seeing all the foreshadowing to a truth that gets revealed later, and knowing it's coming, or when you know someone's a traitor and see the signs, etc. This is particularly true of my long stories.

I love rereading a ton. My favourite stories get the rare honour of often being 'comfort rereads' for me, and I particularly enjoy stories then which offer foreshadowing, or little easter eggs, or little treats that are like 'oh my god this whole scene reads differently now that I know this character's motivations' etc. For example, Gary in Underline the Black reads very differently once you have context on his grief and his fears, vs. when he just read as a 'heartless asshole.' My plan is for that to feel more satisfying upon reread, like the reader gets to know a secret that no one else (including first readers) know.

If I can bring future levels of joy to readers, who come back to the same story, it's my favourite thing to do, because it's one of my favourite things to experience.

Same with rewatching movies and anime series etc. Like, rewatching Steven Universe when you know the context around Rose Quartz, Pearl's love for her, Garnet's journey etc. changes everything and makes the story so much richer.

If I can give even a little bit of this to folks who reread, I feel amazing.

~

From the Assumptions meme!

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Hi!

Just wanted to thank you for sharing your work with everyone. UTB is my favorite piece of literature, and I’ve read a lot. A LOT. I’m a 33 year old ex-English major.

Can we look forward to any more major arcs in UTB? If so, can we maybe get a hint?

Life is hard, but your work really helps me cope. So, thank you, again. Best wishes!

Hi anon!

Oh my goodness, thank you so much!! I'm so glad you're enjoying the writing so far.

There are definitely some big / major arcs coming. We've got the Henton arc and the Crielle arc coming, I just had to move Gary and Efnisien's character growth and relationship growth into a position for both to take place.

I'm actually just about to write the chapter on my end where Crielle officially comes back into the story.

And tbh, the hints have been there! Henton's foreshadowing about him not really having good motivations (anyone who has read Falling Falling Stars will know more about that, but I also like that some folks won't, but he's still very 'off' as a character), as well as Efnisien's certainty that Crielle will eventually kill him.

So yeah I would say actually the most action-packed arcs are still coming!

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Are there any fandoms you haven't written for yet but would like to in the future? Or future fanfic ideas/stories that have been on your mind that you want to do after you finish your other fanfics?

I love reading your replies 😊

There's...

There's so many, anon

You know how some people worry about running out of stories to write? Yeah, I'm out here begging my brain to shut the fuck up because I already have enough stories to write.

I don't have anything seriously on my mind. I have wanted to write for the Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji fandom, and the Bungou Stray Dogs fandom for a long time. I have another long Bull/Dorian/Cullen fic I want to write for Dragon Age but that might get superceded by the latest game coming out and new characters.

I also have quite a few original stories with completely original characters that I want to write.

And don't get me started on the amount of fandoms I want to write PWPs for because we'd be here all day. I've also written for additional fandoms and not ported my fics over from Livejournal and FF.net and other websites. So I'd say there's like another 10 fandoms I've written for where if you don't know my old usernames (no I'm not going to share them lmao), like...they're just floating out in the ether.

The ideas do not stop, and sometimes I am in bed like 'pls just...let me sleep' and they fall on me like when you open an overstuffed ADHDer's cupboard and everything falls on top of you at once sdalfkjdsa

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Do you have a favorite character evolution or relationship evolution that you’ve written? Personally, the way Augus becomes soft for Mosk in The Ice Plague really tickles me.

Oh hmmm, this is such an awesome question! But also really hard to answer.

I think I have more than one. But the one that weirdly comes to mind is Sharpwood in The Golden Age that Never Was. I've been kind of obsessed with his character ever since and I feel like I'm 'saving' him for an original novel somewhere along the way. Something about him going from like, a cold, distant servant, to what he became, until finally at the end you realise you really want to get to know him better and it's too late... I don't know. I think often about writing a side story of his trauma recovery, but I don't have like...spare time to do it in. Alas.

In terms of the main characters, like the point-of-view characters, Gwyn's and Augus' journey was compelling enough that I followed them for nearly a decade in a single universe. And I feel like that's the most obvious answer because it's like 'well, I spent tens of thousands of hours on them because they were my favourite evolution / relationship evolution.'

In terms of less obvious characters... I actually really loved writing Mosk becoming protective of Gwyn in The Ice Plague and then becoming kind of like a mentor figure almost to him, despite his age and lack of experience.

I loved, loved, loved writing the slow tentative growth of connection between the prickly Gwyn ap Nudd and equally prickle Raven Prince in The Ice Plague as well.

Right now, I'm a big fan of Efnisien and Faber, and Efnisien and Flitmouse too. :D

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hi!! i really like your sebastian/alex story!!

i binge read it in one night.. i simply couldnt put it down! your writing flows really well and the way you charactize the cast (mainly sebastian) is so endearing! i’m super nervous as to how things will go.. the last couple of chapters have been very euphoric and i worry things will come crashing down 😭😭

I cant wait for more chapters to come and to keep up with the story ^.^

I'm so glad you're enjoying it! The next chapter goes up tomorrowwww :D

There will be crashes to come, I'm sure, but we're going into a bit of a pivot now. While Alex will still definitely have heavy things to deal with, we're coming into the 'Maru coming out to her dad, and Sebastian telling his family he's with Alex' arc, which takes a while to go through, and where Sebastian might need some support too.

Especially because Demetrius still likes Martingale WAY more than Alex x.x

At any rate, we have some crashes coming, but it's not going to be quite the same as before. Sebastian and Alex are communicating better, and while it's not enough and they still have a lot to learn, they are at least both trying, and that means it's time for there to be more external pressures on the relationship rather than internal ones, lol.

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Hullo! Read the latest utb chap, lost my mind of course in a positive way, and the end note snippet then really surprised me!

I have a vague memory of you answering an ask once about wether or not ef would use his safeword whenever doing the do with gary, and that ultimately you had no plans for it, correct me if I'm misremembering o course

I'm curious! What led to you changing your mind? If there was any change that is,

Cheers, hope you feel better from the infection soonnn

I'm curious! What led to you changing your mind?

I just felt like it! I don't write with a chapter plan. I flow with what seems to work in the moment, and so when I got that ask in the past, at that point in Gary's and Efnisien's relationship, I didn't see Efnisien safewording.

But character's change. That's why I only ever treat responses to asks as hypotheticals. If it's not in the canon yet, it's not yet canon, basically!

(And thank you! Turns out it wasn't a kidney infection, which had my GP going 'what the hell' until she realised it was probably me passing a kidney stone)

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I'm so not ready for constellations to end but everytime we get kadek/ef crumbs I claw at the bars of my enclosure alkvkfkak I'm glad there's a treat to look foward to after constellations is done, I'm not ready to say goodbye to ffs efnisien yet 😭😭😭

Constellations has enough material to run for several months on Patreon/Ream and another couple of months for the AO3 crowd yet, so we're okay! Folks will have a while to settle in and say farewell to our two reconciling cousins.

But it does give me time to start working on the sequel, after a few months of not immediately adding another story back onto my slate!

And I'm so excited for Kadek and Efnisien, I think they grew to develop an extremely special bond, and I'm glad they live in an era where non-monogamy gets to exist, and their love can grow and it doesn't hurt Arden and Efnisien's relationship at all, and if anything, just makes it stronger to have more support in the system. :D

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I finally checked out your playlists on Spotify for all of your works and ohhhhh my god when I saw brothers on a hotel bed in the Stain playlist I had to lay facedown about it for like a good ten minutes. It’s perfect. It’s terrible. I am picking Alex up and shaking him like a dog toy. I haven’t thought about that song in YEARS and it immediately hit me like a freight train. GOD that boy is so sad I can’t wait for him to be even marginally less tortured and depressed.

Anyway I love your playlists and I love your writing, thank you for all of it 💕💕💕💕

Yessssss, omg this makes me so happy, anon.

I often put on the playlists when I write each chapter for a story, and in many cases will pick a song or sequence of songs that fits, and actually Brothers on a Hotel Bed fits so much one of the chapters that's coming up. Even if they're not on a bed at the time, lol.

Sometimes we just gotta hear a song that's a total blast from the past and then sit in feels for a while, and that song is definitely one of those songs!!

(I'm so glad you enjoy the playlists though, seriously, I love making them for folks. For anyone curious, my playlists are here!)

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Hi Pia.

I just generally want to thank you for your writing ❤️. I've always struggled with expressing myself, and still do, I've been reading your stories for awhile now, and I really appreciate the representation you put into it. I find a lot of works, even centered around a queer MC, never actually portray it in a way that I find relatable, if that makes sense? Yours always feel very real, just having characters even mention sexualities, identities, it really adds that little bit. It makes it feel less fictional, more I can't think of a good enough word because I don't write. Realistic isn't the word I'm going for, but it's definitely in that sort of field. A form of writing that's still a fictional universe but overlaps in ways that you wouldn't exactly expect it to, I guess.

The way your write out characters is amaze, they're all so unique I could genuinely paint a really expressive picture of every single one. I couldn't do that with many other works. So just like, I really appreciate the thought into Queer characters, how they're all affected by it and their own internalized feelings towards it. I think it makes me feel a bit more validated for my own turmoil with identity. I hope you're doing well and have a great day whenever you see this ^^

Ahhh thank you anon!

It means so much when my characters feel relatable to folks - even though I know they won't be relatable to everyone, because I find most of the characters others write not very relatable, and one of the reasons I started writing was to see...more things in the world that felt real or relatable to me. Especially around the intersection of trauma and neurodivergence and queerness and experiencing life and relationships.

There are a lot of authors who write this stuff! And it's very good! For me though, I needed something that was like 'no, this feeling, I want to see this feeling on the page' and I sometimes used to feel like...no one would understand what I was trying to say. Sometimes I still feel like that. And it's words like yours which help me stay inspired because it's like that meme that is like 'nothing I've ever thought or felt is original' - but in a weirdly reassuring way.

And hopefully I can share some of that with others. The 'we might feel alone, we might be lonely, but there are some folks out there who get it, or at least this get this thing.' And that's an important quality for me to try and find in writing and sharing it with folks.

Thank you so much, anon, I hope you're taking care of you!

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I think it's amazing that you're getting help with your autism, and I share your grief on all you had to struggle through before now. I experienced something similar with an abusive parent and an adult diagnosis. I hope the future brings you a lot of support and resulting joy.

Hi anon,

I'm honestly very privileged that I could afford the diagnosis, I've been saving up for about a year, but just getting access is something that not everyone, everywhere, can do. I wish it was more accessible, it really should be more accessible.

I'm sorry for the pain and suffering your own journey has brought to you anon re: an abusive background and late diagnosis. It can be very rough, and I hope you're taking care of yourself!

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WE ARE SPOILED. YOU SPOIL US! Thank you for the updates! When something of yours updates and I see it it’s essentially the first thing I read when I wake up 💛💙

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH just *flails*

Thank yOU anon!! Wouldn't be here without folks like yourself!

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Hello

I just wanted to say

I enjoy the preview snippets you post so much! Love seeing hints of what's coming.

Okay that's all thank you bye

Ahhh thank you anon!

I really need to start posting more honestly. I was editing Constellations today and I could've posted at least one!

I have to remind myself to get off my butt and put a few more on here :D

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Hi hi :D Hope you are having a good day!

I was rereading UtB and I got to chap 24 and there was this part:

"‘Jesus,’ Dr Gary said."

And at first I was like 'huuuhuuhu I wonder if Jesus is an omega, beta, or alspha in the Underline-verse'

But then I was like 'gaaaasp, what if he was a peak alpha!' And I started thinking about the influence of peak alphas on things like religion, as religious figures. I know they're very rare, but I also remember Augus saying that it should be illegal for Ash to be a lawyer as a peak alpha. So then I started thinking about how would peak alphas would impact religion. Or cults! Or royalty! Or politics! Or just the course of history in general! Maybe they would stay the fuck away from it, or maybe they would crave having that control? I spent a very enjoyable hour daydreaming about it, which felt a bit like splashing around in the paddling pool of someone elses worldbuilding, which was maybe a bit rude lol, sorry if it was. And maybe Gary saying 'jesus' was just a throwaway expletive, and you didn't even mean much by it, but I was wondering about your thoughts! <<33

Hi anon!

This is something I've thought of. It's hilarious to me to low-key imagine Jesus in this world as an omega, though I haven't invested too much thought into it because I don't really care much for religion in general.

But generally speaking I liked the conflict of omegas being treated as second-class citizens and how that gets justified against Jesus being an omega etc. And then I was like 'I don't care about this enough to keep thinking about it, it's just amusing to me.' And that's about where I'm at. Enough to be sacrilegious and not enough to have fleshed it out further because I'm very idc about that stuff.

So then I started thinking about how would peak alphas would impact religion. Or cults! Or royalty! Or politics! Or just the course of history in general! Maybe they would stay the fuck away from it, or maybe they would crave having that control?

Oh no they totally crave that control. A tiny percentage of the world's population is peak alphas but they're overwhelmingly likely to be found in positions of power.

Tbh this is... intentional. I was trying to think of how to account for the absolute fucking monsters that end up as all-powerful billionaires in the world. Utter twats like Elon Musk, who you just know are too pathological to have hold of that much money, and yet no one on the planet is holding him (or the Zuck etc.) accountable.

And to me it gave me some comfort in my omegaverse, to imagine these asshats as being peak alphas. People who attain their power not because the governments have no regulations to stop them (which they should), but because they just have too much ardolphogen influence / power for anyone to stop them from getting this powerful.

And just like it's a huge issue in our world, it's a huge issue in this world too. The millionaires but especially the billionaires in this world are likely to be peak alphas. Generally speaking it's frowned upon for them to become Presidents and Prime Ministers, but they are found in other levels of court and parliament, as royalty, etc. They're less likely to make cults and more likely to go into business where they can control a lot of people at once.

It is a huge, huge issue. And it was planned for as part of the dystopia in advance.

Peak alphas crave controlling communities, not individuals. With the exception of Augus, the peak alphas we meet all have significant control over large amounts of people, whether it's Crielle and Fenwy Laboratories, or Temsen and Gary and Hillview, etc.

They don't need intimate relationships or love, because they form a bond to a much larger group. Historically that would have worked for small micro-communities - one person drawn to controlling and looking after the community while alphas were drawn to omegas. But in a globalised society and runaway exploitation re: billionaires, it's just become completely dystopian and it's partly how you end up with a world that favours alphas so much in the first place.

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Hi, it’s the anon from before asking for recs! Thanks for the link to the tag— I didn’t know you’d answered that question from before and sorry if my asking again was annoying!

Omg definitely not annoying anon!! You can't know what isn't there and I've had this blog for *checks watch* 2000 over ten years!

I do use tags on my post fairly uniformly so if there's ever anything anyone is looking for - like fanart for example, you can do things like this:

not-poignant.tumblr.com/tagged/fae tales fanart not-poignant.tumblr.com/tagged/really fucking awesome fanart (this is fanart for my actual fanfiction) not-poignant.tumblr.com/tagged/inadvertent recs not-poignant.tumblr.com/tagged/pia on writing

I really love Tumblr's way of doing this and honestly it's pretty unique to Tumblr re: social media if you're not used to doing it. Unfortunately Tumblr archiving and searching isn't perfect and doesn't always show everything which is also why folks asking is completely normal, because even when I know I've written a post that should turn up certain search terms, it won't when I use the search bar lmao.

Anyway TL;DR chances are high I have answered certain questions before and I don't mind answering them again! I'll often point to earlier posts just because my answer hasn't changed :D

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Absolutely LOVING UTB atm. I just can't get enough of it. It did have me thinking though. Have you ever drafted up or though about writing a 3rd pov for when Ef arrives at Hillside? I would love to know what everyone was thinking and doing when he arrived knocked out.

I haven't drafted that up at all! Mostly because to me, people were just doing what they always do, and I mostly imagine a bit of an administrative nightmare of like 'wait he's knocked out what do we do I suppose that's what the holding room/s are for' and that's it.

To me that's not very exciting reading so I never thought to write it. It sounds like whatever you've imagined is actually way more interesting, anon, so I'd stick with that instead! :D

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Hi Pia! You said that you need another vacation after this vacation, so I am not sure, how puppy situation, even if it partual custudy, affecting you ( may be you in panic when he is there and then recovering when he is not, and then round and round? ), but really, If you need another vacation, I hope you know we will be here to support you for it!

It's been nearly 4 weeks now since we got Toby so I feel like I can talk about this with a bit of a clear head.

(Talk of like an actual PTSD meltdown beneath the read-more, including self-harm mention - nothing graphic. There's zero obligation for anyone to read this, especially for folks who don't think authors should ever be honest about being people with issues):

So, I've been kind of quiet about aspects of this, but I have like severe treatment-resistant PTSD and C-PTSD, and puppies specifically are one of my triggers (especially if I'm responsible for them). The reason for that is kind of awful, and I don't really want to talk about some of the things I've experienced/been through that led to that, so let's just move onto the next part. You're kind of right anon, there has been panic while he is here lol.

As a result, I had a severe meltdown the first time I tried to adopt a dog many years ago now. Could not last 24 hours, needed weeks/months to recover.

But I've always wanted to share my life with a dog and I've been in a somewhat better space over the past year or so, and I thought I could maybe handle it better. I told myself 'if I can just get through that 24 hours I'll realise it's okay and it will all work out.' Anon I cannot tell you where this thinking came from, but it was wrong. Idk why past me was kind of naive enough to think this way but here we are.

No, after that 24 hours, it got temporarily better, and then I slammed into consecutive meltdowns, each one worse than the next, until the people around me were afraid for my life. I am still recovering from some of the harm I inflicted on myself during the last three weeks and likely will be for some time to come. The combination of a really intense PTSD relapse, as well as not being able to handle (as an AuDHD person) intense changes to my schedule basically compounded and I broke.

I made the decision to rehome Toby, and first contacted the people around me. Glen's mum said she wanted a dog, and had been specifically looking into dogs like Toby anyway, and so we decided this would be best because then I could still be involved (I love Toby to pieces).

After getting some space, I finally started to adjust, and have gone back to having Toby about 4~ days a week, with a view to going to about 6 days, with one day spent with my mum, or Glen's mum.

Today is the first day I was able to handle having him on my own for around 9.5 hours. And I'm here and able to write about it, so that's progress. He'll be here all day Sunday, and then Tues-Weds-Thurs-Friday. And from there a decision will be made as to where I'm at with my mental health etc.

I'm a bit more hopeful now that I might be able to keep him, but my PTSD is still very very bad. I'm having some nights where I'm simply not sleeping until 7.30am (even if he's not here), and my hypervigilance is crazy. Like, I am having so many auditory flashbacks it's stupid. So this is why I've been saying this break hasn't been very restful or productive. Because my mental health tanked like I detonated a landmine inside myself.

I didn't actually plan the two week break for Toby! That was just a coincidence honestly.

Unfortunately I have a lot of health conditions that respond very poorly to stress, so I'm dealing with those now too. And then additionally, in all of this, I had a breast scan / mammogram / ultrasound that has confirmed a suspicious lump I found a couple of months ago (breast cancer runs in the family), and I suspect I'm going to need a biopsy. I'll find out on Monday if that's the case. That's been in the background and hasn't been helping.

There's some other stuff going on that's not really worth talking about because these are the main things, but that's a good picture I think. It turns out 'just getting through the first 24 hours' doesn't magically make a severe PTSD trigger go away. And that forced exposure is not 'exposure therapy' - that's just reinforcing a trigger.

Anyway! I feel like I'm through the worst of it, and I am seeing glimpses of how my life could be richer if I keep getting through this. But...that's why I think another break. *smiles tiredly.* I have to wait a bit now for the PTSD / C-PTSD symptoms to settle down, and I also need to see what's kind of worsened after this. Realistically, with a relapse to this degree, it could take between 3-6 months to really start recovering, or to at least get back to where I was before December.

I hope with all my heart I can get there with Toby by my side. I love him so much.

(I want to add that Toby has never ever been in a position of harm at any point, and in fact I probably put myself in harm's way for his sake, because I wanted to provide solid continuity of care - in case anyone was worried about that).

Er so yeah! But I've picked up my writing again this week and have been able to do some like...things I'd been neglecting, and I feel more human again, I just hope I get some sleep tonight