#adhdbrainisfuckingweird

[kailimepi]

Musing on bg3 mods and learning styles/requirements

Okay. I've spent the requisite hours browsing tumblr and ruminating on gender this morning. Now its time to work. Back to operation: Lythira's custom face/head. Gonna have to redo it from the start today but I managed to get an elf head onto a tiefling body and give it some cute spikey ears last night so I think now at least I've got some of the basics of this part of process down. It only took the better part of 8+hours, some tears and temper tantrums, and wanting to give up and never look at it again like half a dozen times to get the first couple of steps figured out(sort of). Real talk tho: the tutorials, guides, resources, etc for this are so very frustrating FOR ME. They're full of wonderful information from very smart, generous humans who're doing all this for free and I'm so incredibly grateful. However, the way they're laid out, the way folks just gesture vaguely to their general direction with a "these tutorials are wonderful and all you need and this is how everyone else figured it out so you should be able to too", the lack of a step by step-hold your hand through every single click and button press and explain every tiny detail as we go through the full thing is PAIN for me. I know I probably sound stupid to others to need that level of care but meh. Its not something I can help so oh well. And its NO ONES FAULT! I am not mad at them about it. I am not dunking on the people who've created and shared these things AT ALL. Again - I AM EXTREMELY GRATEFUL! THEY ARE FUCKING AMAZING! TRULY! It's just not the best FOR ME. I am struggling because of my own funky little processing center. My own special brand of fucking adhd bullshit. Which tbh is a whole thing in itself. I cried the first night I started trying to understand all of this because I realized just how hard it was going to be for me to make sense of any of it in a meaningful way. Got up from my desk after desperately trying to focus and understand for several hours and seeing the comments of "just follow this. just do this. just watch this first." that pointed to things that were equally as unhelpful to me and just crawled in bed feeling stupid and childish and defeated. If not for my husband's encouragement the next day when I was talking to him about my frustration, and his reminder that he's got some knowledge of what I'm doing and he'd always help me because he knows how my brain works, I never would have tried again I don't think. There may be what I'm looking for out there somewhere and I just haven't found it yet for sure. But man I've been looking. Anyway, I think because I love teaching, once I get it all figured out well enough that I'm comfortable sharing what I know, I might write up a guide in the language and style that I would have needed. I did something like it for my eye color presets that I plan on fleshing out more and sharing eventually. I've done it with plenty of other stuff in other games as well. It wouldn't be hard with the notes I take as I learn. Just take some time and lord knows I've got lots of that to spare. If it helps one other person who's like me and isn't a fan of everything mostly being video tutorials and prefers to be given every single step in order with lots of detail and explanation, then the time will be well spent.