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imshymorph · 1 year ago

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Slightly angsty soft!price, I promise it has a good ending.

I believe that as much as you’re both used to the rhythm of it all now, you know, the weight his deployment adds to both of your shoulders, the way your stomachs churn when you have to spend months apart. It wasn’t as easy to deal with at the beginning.

I don’t even think you fully knew what his job was in the actual beginning. And the first few months to a year of really knowing was probably the hardest one in your relationship.

- - - - -

It was already hard, having to go weeks or months at a time without seeing him, with barely any contact. It was much harder when you knew that pretty much anything could happen to him and all you’d have as notice was someone delivering his dog tags to your door.

Resentment wasn’t the proper word for how you felt, you didn’t blame John, you never could. You had met him as the man who he was now, you wouldn’t expect him to change because of you. But there definitely was a weird feeling in your gut the more time you spent alone in your shared flat.

Your phone is always close to you, in case he got the chance to give a quick call or a simple text that confirmed his well-being. Your clothes pretty much abandoned to instead use his to at least have the smallest resemblance of what his presence was.

It wasn't resentment, but definitely loneliness, maybe even some hidden grief. The catastrophist side of you taking control, always ready to get a call from the hospital or a knock on your door.

You didn’t say anything in the beginning, he already had enough on his plate. but when a deployment made you both stay apart for over two months you spoke up. It was a civil, a conversation, not an argument. You explained how worried you were, despite his reassurances that you didn’t have to be, how lonely you felt. How big and silent the flat felt without him, how slow time seemed to pass by.

He understood, made the promise to limit the deployment times. He'd still go on missions, but shorter ones, the longest taking two weeks at a time. At least that was for the first few months. Old habits die hard and John has always been someone not only of habits but commitment and dedication. So, without realising, soon enough he was dipping back to old ways, his work as captain keeping him out of the country months at a time.

You tried a couple more times, insisting that you didn’t blame him. You knew what you were getting into before moving in with him, it wasn’t that. You just wanted some level of compromise, you didn’t ask him to avoid long deployments, just do his best to avoid having them back to back.

And the result was always the same. He'd understand and agree, and it would work well for a couple weeks, sometimes months. But then you’d go back to seeing him less and less until you were apart months at a time once more.

it all changed one specific day, though. It was probably the fourth or fifth time you had talked about it with him. Yet here you are again, alone at your shared flat, that had been inhabited only by you for the last six weeks. The feeling of loneliness had only grown stronger each day that passed and you had started to question if you were in fact starting to resent him. Wanting to avoid that train of thought you decided on the best option, you wouldn’t be alone at home if you spent a few days at someone else’s .

Texting one of your friends about your situation, they agreed on letting you stay with them for a few days. To help you get your mind out of John’s deployment and give you a break of the empty flat. You’d have company for a few days and manage to get rid of that pit in your gut that made bile rise every time you heard the doorbell.

You were packing things you’d need from the bathroom, busy with checking you didn’t forget anything important, you hadn’t heard the main door open.

John walked in, taking his muddy boots at the front door before he went looking for you, noticing the bedroom’s light on. He froze on the doorframe, stomach dropping and chest tightening when he saw your suitcase almost filled up on the bed.

You walked out of the bathroom, your whole body freezing when you saw him standing there. You hadn’t expected him to be home yet, not for another week at least. Your eyes ran over his whole body, making sure he was safe and sound. “John…?” you barely got to murmur, not even finishing your sentence before the things you were carrying were taken out of your hands and instead you were pulled into him.

“I'm sorry.” he murmured against the crown of your head. His nose pressed to your hair, with a hand cradling the back of your neck as the other pulled you close by the waist. “I'm sorry, love. Please, don’t leave.”

“I know I've messed up. Broke my word.” His tone was his usual gruff and low one, with that raspiness that comforted and turned you on alike, so familiar and finally there with you. But there was something to it, a light tilt that revealed how worried he really was about you possibly leaving. “I'll make it up to you, I'll really change.”

“John.” You say softly, lightly pulling away, only enough to look him in the eye, one of your hands reaching up, gently cupping his cheek. “I'm not leaving, love. I was just going to see a friend for a couple days.”

As soon as your warm hand makes contact with his skin, his face leans into your touch and his eyes soften. “Don’t, please.” he murmurs, and god does he resemble a sad dog in the rain. “Stay with me.” You give a soft nod and before you can do or say anything else, he pulls you back in his arms with a string of thank you’s and i’m sorry’s.

“I'll make it up to you, I promise.” he murmurs against the top of your head before kissing it. And the way his arms curl tighter around you and pull you closer. The way the mix of his cologne and musk fills your senses and the press of his lips to your head immediately makes that pit in your gut disappear.

“It's okay.” you reassure softly, your arms hooking around his neck in return, holding him close. “I'm not angry, darling. I just missed you.” the second one of you hand drifts up to lightly brush through his hair and against his scalp he feels like he’s melting.

“I missed you too, love. Every single day.” he answers, his face now burying in the crook of your neck instead of your hair. His body unconsciously starts to sway the both of you from side to side. “I'll make it up to you. Take you out on a proper date.”

Your eyes close, your head leaning against his shoulder as you sway along with him. “We can do that tomorrow.” you reassure him softly, “just want to say like this for now.”

“We can stay like this for as long as you want, love.” he murmurs, the hand on your waist moving under your his t-shirt to feel your warm skin. “Just please don’t leave me.”

“I won't.” comes out your soft answer, “I’m not going anywhere, darling.” you reassure softly as you press a light kiss to his shoulder.

The both of you stay like that for a few minutes, a comfortable silence sitting between the both of you as you softly sway in each other's arms. No words needed to notice the relief the other is going through. If he thought he had relaxed when you had started to play with his hair, the moments he heard you whisper a soft i love you he felt like he had ascended to paradise without realising.

He took a second, breathing your scent for a moment longer before he pulled back enough to look you in the eye. “I love you too. you’re my everything, love. I’ll prove it to you, promise.” he whispered back, before leaning in to seal his promise with a kiss.

#cod x reader #x reader #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod mw2 #captain price cod #captain john price #captain price mw2 #captain price x reader #john price x reader #john price #price x reader #captain price #soft!price #gender neutral reader #gn!reader

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innerchorus · 1 year ago

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Arslan Senki Chapter 127

The long-awaited encounter with Zahhak is here! I'm tagging my posts for new manga chapters with 'arslan senki spoilers' but here is your reminder to look away (and probably avoid my blog until you've read the chapter) if you don't want to find out what happens.

Turns out I was right about a few things and my suspicions about something else seem likely to be correct, too.

The chapter opens with the legend of Zahhak and his defeat by Kaykhusraw as the Parsians know it. The title page features Kaykhusraw's open sarcophagus with his wrapped body and Rukhnabad inside, inside the tomb. This is clearly from an earlier time (presumably his burial?), well before Hilmes ventured down there, and given the chapter title it feels... ominous. (And it's right to feel that way, as you'll see when you get to the end of the chapter.)

The legend is conveyed in the typical stylised carving/illustration style that Arakawa has used for mythological history before.

Look what appears as a decorative border to one of the panels!

It might just be a nod to the existence of these creatures in the novels, but I really hope that their presence here makes it more likely we might actually encounter them before the end of the manga... DARK TEMPLE PLUS CREATURES, ARAKAWA PLEASE

Very much has the feel of something that has been mythologised, the details probably don't match up exactly with how it really went down, but the main points are there...

...and 300 years later, the Snake King appears to have returned

Farangis's raishal reacting like this is a nice touch and shows just how extreme the presence of evil is here. (Also I didn't know it could do that so I'm filing this detail away very happily.)

Those snake heads are really very freaky, the fact that they are so humanoid yet totally animalistic and driven by instict and hunger for human brains. Top notch horror!

Daryun's warrior instinct comes to the fore and overrides his shock!

The Zot do their best but one gets chomped pretty quickly, sadly. I'll go ahead and say it now, the Zot being the only casualties in this encounter was exactly as I called it, but Arakawa does her best to ensure their deaths don't feel trivial, as we later learn the names of those who fell, and even though we never got to know them it's clear that they meant something to their comrades.

Some very exciting combat scenes follow and Team Arslan enter the fray and get to grips with their frightening new enemy! Some key details about Zahhak rapidly become apparent: his blood is corrosive, and his wounds can heal.

The key is to keep moving! Alfarid realises this; one of the Zot tries to encourage her to flee, but is struggling with his terrified mount, but thanks to Elam and Alfarid loosing arrows at one of the snake heads he is spared.

Don Ricardo is in abject terror, but his behaviour later this chapter was a surprise for me, in a good way!

Estelle saving Don Ricardo just in time, and putting her life on the line to stand before him even though she's trembling in fear! 👌👌👌

She's so brave!

She doesn't know that the snakes have spotted/sensed Rukhbanad... but Don Ricardo does! Let's hope he will now give that 'junk sword' the respect it deserves. Anyway this is the part where he surprised me, as he breaks out of his terrified state to call out to everyone to rally to him and gather round the sword! Remember when I said 'quick, everyone group hug Don Ricardo'?

Of course, he's speaking in Lusitanian, but Estelle translates in an instant... and Gieve quickly grasps why!

"Is it truly Zahhak...?" This is the line that makes me think I might be on the mark when I say that Zahhak, although freed from Mount Damavand, may not have returned to full consciousness yet. I think those head jars may have something to do with a final ritual to bring about his true return.

So, it's now a stalemate. Zahhak cannot attack them, but they can't attack it either. But there's an ominous shape in the mist (and you can take one look at it and just KNOW it's going to be fucked up and even take a pretty good guess at how)

Before Team Arslan can get a good look at it, Zahhak withdraws, whether due to the arrows they fired at it it because of some other unknown reason isn't clear... Team Arslan leave without even being able to spare time to bury the bodies of the fallen, which clearly weighs on them, but night is drawing closer and they can't remain safely.

(I wonder whether they will still continue to Mount Damavand? Perhaps Arslan will appeal to Kaykhusraw's spirit to seek his approval to wield the sword? Or maybe priorities will have understandably changed and they'll change directions. Personally I think we'll at least get a scene that indicates Arslan has the right to wield Rukhnabad!)

Anyway Zahhak's also in a hurry to get somewhere and although Team Arslan didn't manage to glimpse the true horror, we do!

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Well, now we know what happened to Kaykhusraw's mummified body? I did think that Team Zahhak would use him as a vessel for the Snake King, thinking this might occur in Ecbatana, but nope, that looks to be the case already.

The torso ending in a cluster of snakes, ugh.

I wonder whether Kaykhusraw's spirit is aware of what has happened to his body now that it has been possessed like this?

I wonder whether the intention is for Zahhak to retain this form? Because at the end of the chapter you see the host body's brittle-looking arm disintegrate where one of Team Arslan's arrows struck it, and it looks different to Zahhak's snakes pushing arrows from their bodies and regenerating. So maybe this takeover of Kaykhusraw is a temporary thing, and Team Zahhak are planning to transfer Zahhak to a new body once he reaches Ecbatana? And that new body... who better than another descendant of the Parsian royal line? 👀

I feel like with any luck I might get my wish for Hilmes to come face to face with Zahhak and in a moment of horror realise exactly what the sorcerers have been using him for and what he's helped to bring about...

(I want Team Zahhak to be planning for Hilmes to be a host for Zahhak but I don't want for it to actually happen! I'd love it if Team Arslan managed to step in just in time... augh my brain is racing into visions of Hilmes captured for a head jar ritual below Ecbatana)

Oh and Zahhak really is heading towards Ecbatana as I thought, so it looks extremely likely that all final showdowns are going to take place there. I feel like this direction was actually hinted at when the corpse of Kaykhusraw was slithering towards the setting sun. It's a panel I really like, as it both indicates the sun (which represents the Shah) setting on the royal line and Pars alike, and as the sun sets in the west and Ecbatana is west of Mount Damavand, you can tentatively extrapolate where the Snake King is heading.

So now Team Arslan have seen the Snake King. One day soon, they will have to defeat him for good. And given that everyone survived this time, can we hope for the same to happen again when they next meet in battle?

#arslan senki #the heroic legend of arslan #arslan senki spoilers #zahhak #team zahhak #arslan #daryun #estelle #don ricardo #kaykhusraw

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honeybewrites · 1 year ago

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OC Intro: Ronan "Rage" Airvix

I've been a little too excited to do this one. Rage is one of my favorite characters from EoWC so I hope you guys enjoy!!

Once again, because of my lack of drawing skills, I have used picrew for Rage's pictures. If you're curious, I used this one and this one.

Yes, you guys get two picrews this time. The second one is a lot closer to how he actually looks, but I also wanted a front facing one. It was surprisingly difficult to find picrews with beards and man buns.

Name: Ronan "Rage" Airvix

Mors Title: Field Handler and Certified Healer

Age: forty-six

Birthdate: (still working out the Realms calendars) July 17th

Pronouns: He/Him

Species: Namuh, Mirralian

Physical Description

Light tanned skin. His face is blemish free except for some slight wrinkles around his eyes. He has dark gray eyes and matching gray and white hair* that is long enough for him to pull back into a bun, which is how he usually wears his hair. He has a few various scars from his military days. He's a little tall for a Mirralian, coming in at 7'0 (213 cm). He works out regularly and has a decent amount of defined muscles. He's also very healthy when it comes to food. Being a Healer tends to do that.

*side note: the gray/white hair is not due to aging. Most namuh species have 'unnatural' hair and eye colors. This color ‘dulls’ with aging rather than losing color.

Skills/Abilities

Elemental, specifically healing, certified healer, Negotiator™, multiple languages, survival skills

Greatest Fear

Failing

Personality Type

ENFJ-A

Love Language

Physical touch

Typical Outfit

Mors certified suit, healer's uniform, or work out clothes

Method of Manipulation

Blackmailing and gaslighting

Born to the predominant Airvix family, Rage has spent most of his life exposed the Mirralian government and military. All of his family members hold high standing titles and the Airvix name is well known through the Realm. After graduation basic school, he went into healing, becoming a certified healer and joining the Mirralian military. After outstanding services, Rage was invited to join the Mors, which he accepted. He continues to be one of their top healers, so much so that he is assigned as a personal field handler and healer to a specialist. Asset 703.

Relationships

Gerd

Rage never dealt much with Gerd until getting assigned as 703’s handler and healer. Since Gerd is her main handler, Rage often has to defer to what he says, even if it puts 703 in more danger. The two butt heads constantly, almost always over 703. Each would be happy to see the other end up dead.

Healer Asurr

Rage and Asurr went to healing school together where they were roommates (no, not that kind of roommates. Asurr has no interest in that). The two were close friends until they drifted apart after graduation. Now with Asurr heading Project Viall for the Mors, they see each other more frequently, but their relationship is much different. Rage doesn’t fully agree with the Project, but tries his best to remain friendly and to avoid Project Viall as much as possible.

703

Assigned as her handler and healer, Rage was mostly curious about why she would get a personal healer. As he got to know her, that curiosity quickly turned to protectiveness and slight awe at how she operated. The best way to describe it: “I’ve only had 703 for a day and a half, but if anything happened to her, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.”

If anyone wants to be added/subtracted to the tag list, you can comment or DM me :D

General Tag: @orions-quill @fractured-shield @anaisbebe @leahnardo-da-veggie @pluppsauthor

@wyked-ao3

#friday oc #echoes of war chronicles #eowc #writerscommunity #writeblr #writers on tumblr #my ocs #rage Airvix #wip

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grlwtskulltattoo · 3 months ago

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GET TO KNOW YOUR MUTUALS

Thank you @ladyaldhelm for the tag!

What's the origin of your blog title? It’s really quite simple, I’m a girl and I have a large skull tattooed on my left upper arm. As well as a couple of other skulls and a skeleton torso.

OTP(s) + Shipname: Finan x Revna OFC, and Finan X Uhtred …. But I also write a lot of Uhtred x Sihtric Haven’t really thought of shipnames, maybe Finna, Uhtric, Finred…. Haha

Favorite color: Hands down, purple. Preferably darker shades of purple. Love purple so much that I have a purple car. Plum Crazy Purple…oh and I love black, as evidenced by the color of my wardrobe.

Favorite game: Don’t laugh, but I loved Farmville when it was a thing. That is until my farm got repossessed for hacking the game. More recently I’ve been obsessed with Disney Dreamlight Valley, again, don’t laugh. The level of excitement I felt when they added Jack Skellington…ahh. I also enjoyed Hogwarts Legacy, The Last of Us and Days Gone.

Song stuck in your head: Right now, it would have to be Under Your Scars by Godsmack. Second verse really hitting hard, for some events coming up in the Rp…if you know, you know..

Weirdest habit/trait? Uh, does driving around with a skeleton in my car count? I’m just generally weird, and I don’t really care what anyone else thinks. Maybe my need for routines and being particular about how certain things are done is my weird habit/trait.

Hobbies: Writing, reading, painting and drawing, some crafts. Was obsessed with cross stitch for a little while and dabbled in diamond art for a bit. I just like making or repurposing things. Oh and I love riding UTVs or ATVs up in the mountains.

If you work, what's your profession? I am a Customer Service Rep for a group of banks in the west. Not a big fan of it. I hate talking on the phone, especially to random strangers, and I take a job where that’s all I do all day. But it pays pretty decent and I get to work from home so that is cool.

If you could have any job you wish, what would it be? I would love to be an author and just write all the time. Only problem with that is I mainly write fan fiction, but who knows maybe one of these days I’ll create my own world/characters. Also wouldn’t mind doing art. Thought about blogging, actually tried it, but kind of felt it’s already so overdone.

Something you're good at: Avoiding drama…oh wait maybe not. Uh…learning new skills. I’d like to think I’m good at writing, but I’m still learning. Plants die in my care, so maybe not that. Cooking…I’m good at cooking.

Something you're bad at: Keeping in touch.

Something you love: Halloween, skulls and skeletons, my kids, and my dogs. Even though Zeus can be an asshole… and don't get me started on Athena...

Something you could talk about for hours off the cuff: Plotting out story ideas, The Last Kingdom, Cooking, Crafts, my dogs.

Something you hate: When people say they are going to do something then they don’t. Don’t get my hopes up for nothing. Looking at you brother… Hate being late, or when other people show up late. If you tell me your going to be here at a certain time, then make sure you get here at that time, or fuck off. Rude or hateful people. Oh and people that don’t pick up after themselves. Damn, I’ve become an ornery old lady…haha

Something you collect: Main thing - Skulls and skeletons. My house is tastefully decorated year round for Halloween….I just add more when the holiday comes around. I call it cottage core goth/or farmhouse goth. Haha. I collect an excessive amount of craft supplies that I may or may not ever use.

Something you forget: Names, sometimes it takes me a minute to get them down. What I need to add to my grocery list.

What's your love language? Doing things together, touch, expressions of love.

Favorite movie/show: Movie:The Crow; TV show:The Last Kingdom, Sons of Anarchy

Favorite food: Honey Walnut Shrimp from Panda Express, or a ribeye steak from Texas Roadhouse

Favorite animal: Wolf, which is why I have two hybrids living with me. But I also love Crows and Ravens.

What were you like as a child? I was quiet and shy, until I got to know someone. Tended to keep to myself. Didn’t have a good home life, so I only had a few friends I trusted. I was also funny…I mean I still kind of am, along with being sarcastic and a smart ass.

Favourite subject at school? Art, history, and English

Least favourite subject: Anything involving math. Wasn’t great with the sciences either.

What's your best character trait? Empathetic, loyal

What's your worst character trait? I can be very stubborn, and I hold a grudge like nobody’s business. My don’t give a fuck attitude, and sarcasm… lots of sarcasm.

If you could change any detail of your life right now, what would it be? Honestly, to not have to work, so I could spend more time doing the things I love….but it is what it is.

If you could travel in time, who would you like to meet? This might be completely in left field, but Billy the Kid. I was a little obsessed with him when I was younger, and I love the old west. Quite frankly I love any period in the way back past… Vikings, Old English, cowboys and Native Americans. I always felt like I was born in the wrong time, or maybe it’s just me remembering past lives….hmm.

And, anyone else who wants to do this, consider yourself tagged.

#tag game #get to know your mutuals

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silverinerivers · 2 years ago

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20 questions for fic writers!

tagged by @chubsthehamster, thank you friend! I am feeling alive and have some time (as in I am procrastinating) so why not!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

91 on my main, 32 on my short works acct!

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

748,078

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly anime/manga fandoms, but I hop around based on my current interests. My top fandoms by work count are tower of god, hxh, and sk8, but I've mostly been stuck in bsd hell since last year so until that gets under control that's where I'll be!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I actually stopped checking stats (like got a skin so I can't see it unless I go to my stats page) so yeah! let's go with my top 5 fav fics right now instead!

backsliding: bllk, nagireo, 4k, rated t. exes fake dating in front of their friends to avoid having to talk about why they broke up, AGAIN. it's so fun!

Collateral Damage: hxh, killugon, 9k, rated t. aka when Bisky said to Killua “you can’t stay with Gon”, but for real. aka my heart broke writing this goddamn it.

Inevitably; daiya, miyumei, 30k, rated e. my love letter and ship manifesto for miyumei through canon. you know when writers say they wrote in a trance fugue state fueled by love and lack of sleep? this was me. loved every moment!

you're my mortal flaw (and I'm your fatal sin): yuumori, sherliam, 17k, rated m. the hunger games sherliam au of my dreams. this was an absolute joy to write all my fav parts of the hunger games au without having to learn how to write action. vibes and feelings only!!!

you are the magic in me: tog, khunbam, 60k, rated m. the hogwarts au that got me through the pandemic and fully back into fandom after a long hiatus. this will always have such a soft spot in my heart. it gave me so much joy to write and led me to meet so many amazing fandom friends, for which I will always be grateful <3

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, I try my hardest to reply to every one. I'm a lot slower now than I used to be, but I do treasure them!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

it's ironic that people knew me for fluff and now I don't know how to write fluff and have to pick between MULTIPLE angsty fics. Probably Collateral Damage right now, since it made ME feel bad writing it ;-;

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think you are the magic in me or skyfall were both pretty long fics with a well-deserved happy ending that I knew I wanted the characters to have!

8. Do you get hate on fic?

I've gotten a bit here and there, mostly on my e-rated fics when I venture into more 'problematic' categories. It sucks, but I'm less affected by it now than I used to be.

9. Do you write smut?

Yeah, once that door was opened there was no closing it back up haha. Honestly, it's pretty fun when I'm in the mood to write it, especially shorter scenes where I can just turn my brain off a little.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I've written a short crossover called What a Steal on my alt account where Gojo and Reigen meet and Gojo tries to recruit Mob. I don't think I have enough brainpower to map out a true crossover but this short one was fun :D

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so, and I hope it stays that way!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have a few! Not all of them were completed, but I always find it touching that people took the time to start! Same goes for podfics and art, just so touching <3

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've done a collab once where the general plot was mapped out per chapter and we had 6 authors and 6 artists where each of us got to craft a chapter! It was called Infinite Road where Reki & Langa travel across Canada together and it was ultra sweet and fun. Fandom is so amazing and I was honoured to be invited into this labour of love.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

ouch. ouch ouch ouch. This is too hard. BUT if I had to pick one ship that encapsulates everything I want in a ship though, it would have to be Mark/Eduardo from The Social Network. I have yet to find another ship that has so much potential on all fronts and go through the full spectrum of human emotion depending on which era you put them in. Also that fandom still has the best fic I've ever read, hands down, even if a lot of it has been wiped from the internet, it lives in my head rent free - truly foundational, lifechanging shit.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

the guilt. the guilllt. I have a ton of khunbam WIPs lying in a graveyard that I don't even want to open up again because I'd feel bad. I also really wanted to finish the miyumei royalty AU of my dreams, and I even outlined it, but it got outrageous and the fandom is pretty tiny so unfortunately I lost motivation :(

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd say exploring character! It's the main reason I read/write fic and am in fandom in general. Make me fall in love with a character and you've got me for life.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Having a coherent plot, action scenes, finding balance between too much or no dialogue, transitions... def more where that's from and that's okay! I know what I'm not good at, and if I had the time I'd think more on how to improve. But now I just think hey, it's a precious hobby of mine and instead of working on my weaknesses, I'll just ignore them and write the way I like to write :D

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't think I'm confident in doing much more than a word or two in Japanese lol personally. I think it can be done artfully and I love it when it's pulled off well!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Card Captor Sakura I think! At least published and not like, just in my head. It's on FFN somewhere, I pretend it doesn't exist, as with the rest of my FFN stuff.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

It'll probably be you are the magic in me for a long time, but these days I still think of when and how I'll finish silence strikes like a hurricane. Can't believe I broke my rule about posting an unfinished multichapter WIP. I have an ending but no clue how to get there. oopsies.

Tagging: @lorilanda, @jusalilweird, @aikotters <3

#lulu thoughts #tag games #lulu writes

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fromkenari · 6 months ago

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Taking your shirt off in the vicinity of a known gay man and saying, "Oh, honey," to him without having any physical contact with him in your 3-minute scene in an independent film as a "gay character" is like the slimmest, low bar example of "playing gay" you could possibly give me and does not in any way constitute the amount of intimacy and physical contact that would be required of a man to "play gay," on a show like 9-1-1 but you know, maybe my expectations are too high because even with the mlm (and the wlw) relationships that are on the show we have gotten scraps compared to the mixed gender relationships.

The last network had Tarlos rolling around and making out all over the place (Hallelujah!) in a show in the same universe, and this new network has had plenty of queer romps on its shows. I mean, they even have whatever the hell is going on with the threeway on Doctor Odyssey, which airs directly after 9-1-1. So it's not the network. Also, you have an actor on 9-1-1 asking for sex scenes with men for his character, who is a newly out-of-the-closet bisexual. I don't hear the other actor in y'all's fanon ship saying that. However, I do hear the other actor from the brief mlm canon relationship for the bisexual character saying he wanted more, too.

But oh yeah, that actor is so okay with "playing gay" that y'all are gonna scream it until you're blue in the face while all the signs and his own words point to him being a staunch conservative who only considers relationships between men and women to be valid, but only as long as that woman is staying quiet and uplifting her man. It's really unbelievable how ridiculous y'all sound when you defend him anymore. He even said he is "celibate," which is a hell of a thing to say in the same interview where he spits out misogynistic and incel-ish rhetoric.

I used to like that fanon ship. I was there when it was being built. He is the main reason I don't ship it anymore, and the secondary reason is how that part of fandom acts. By all means, ship what you want to and have your theories about his character being gay, but quit harassing the shit out of people who are just stating facts or don't agree. The "ship war" is not necessary. I mean, yeah, some fans of the canon mlm ship have crossed some lines and there are also some fans of the fanon ship who are actually normal about it, but neither of those groups bullied an actor off of a social media platform or tried to actually cause real-life, psychological harm to people who don't ship the same thing and the other actor in the ship.

Also, this isn't aimed at any of my mutuals because my mutuals who ship either ship or both are not the ones causing all of the chaos that seems to crop up on a daily basis. Reblogging a theory on Tumblr is not the same as going into someone's ask box or DMs on other platforms and harassing them. I just scroll. If I find out anyone is harassing someone about ships on social media, they are gone from my dash and don't exist anymore to me. Avoiding someone because they sometimes reblog from a person you don't like is why blocking, filtering, and blacklist all exist, but again, to each their own, but that doesn't mean the person agrees with the person you don't like unless you ask them about it and do it respectfully. I do it every damn time someone on my dash reblogs something from a certain Zionist doxxer. Most people don't even know about these things, and if they don't like being respectfully educated, then I just unfollow/block.

The lack of communication on social media is somehow ironic, you know? But now I'm rambling away from the original thought I had while looking for something in a fandom tag and wading through eight tons of shit to get the thing I wanted.

#tumblr search function #my much beloathed #venting #out of credits

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pocasu · 4 years ago

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(Preface before I start: I know what I'm talking about. I was in the APH cesspool for three years when I was young and impressionable, and I'm so glad I had someone in my life to set me straight. Also I'm Korean so white people do not speak over me kthxbye ♡)

I genuinely do believe Hetalia/APH is more dangerous and effective in indoctrinating younger children into far-right ideologies than other prominent JP imperialist-romanticizing media like AOT/SNK because consumers are able to fall back onto a cushion of, "It's just satirical humor!"

Himaruya (the APH mangaka) does so much to feed into that defense: harmless stereotypes like "Americans eat burgers and believe in aliens" are displayed right alongside horribly racist statements like "S.Koreans lay unrightful claim onto Japanese territory,"* and "Chinese people have noticeable accents when speaking Japanese,"** among many, many others. These are all supposed to be viewed as equally hilarious and ridiculous.

By making his audience more tolerant and receptive to these subtle slights against the countries Japan has colonized and brutalized, Himaruya makes their minds open to further right views that align with the messages of Hetalia.

Criticizing these "small" offenses are how we nip a new generation of growing right-wingers and imperialist JP sympathizers in the bud. I want to believe pairing this with better historical education will lead to a brighter future where we don't forget and bury the past, but learn and grow from it.

Footnotes from the second paragraph and additional readings are in the cut below. (CW: imperialism, sinophobia, sexual assault, CSA, death)

*APH's portrayal of S.Korea regularly gropes Japan's chest as a running gag, and claims they are his property. In Hetalia, each country's body part corresponds to a real life location, and Japan's "breasts" are implied to be Dokdo (or Takeshima, if you will). Dokdo is a small island in Korean waters that Japan has attempted to claim for only the past 3 or so decades to increase their ocean proximity. The groping itself is an obvious attempt at historical revision of comfort women: during WWII, Japan kidnapped thousands of young women and children as young as 12 from Korea, China, the Philippines, and (primarily) other Asian countries to place them in sex slave camps where soldiers would regularly come in to "release their stress" and "find comfort" by raping these victims. The JP government has yet to apologize for their country's crimes almost 80 years later, and still maintain the stance that the comfort women were "paid prostitutes who had a right to consent." Here's my question to them: can you call it consent when the women feared death if they were to push their rapists away, retaliate, or say anything other than "Yes?"

**Characters of Chinese diaspora in Japanese media having "the Chinese accent" is nothing unique to Hetalia, and many other famous media such as Gintama also have characters known for it (hello, Kagura). But just because it's commonplace doesn't negate that it is still deeply problematic. When you see Japan's history of brutal violence against China (Nanjing Massacre) and compare it to how Japanese pop culture fetishizes and sexualizes traditional Chinese clothing (commonly in the form of qipaos with breast cutouts and impractically high leg slits or a miniskirt cut, or all three at once) while simultaneously portraying the Japanese spoken by Chinese people as unintelligent and mockable, you can clearly see the issue.

These footnotes are here to guide you, but I highly encourage you to research on your own. I'll give you some places to start:

Recently, a Harvard professor came under fire for alleging that Korean sex slaves had chosen to work as prostitutes. (Source: AP) Over many decades, the Japanese government has consistently attempted to minimize and eradicate any mentions of their crimes towards neighboring countries, even to the protest of their own citizens. (Source: BBC article written by a Japanese woman) Most recently, they lay unrightful claim to Dokdo again in nationwide textbook revisions scheduled for 2022. (Source: Korea JoongAng Daily)

If you made it until here, thank you for reading until the end. My final request is that when consulting reports about comfort women, please take care to check that the author clearly condemns the JP war crimes. It is unfortunate, but the JP government pays massive amounts of sponsorship money to major educational institutions and news outlets to speak favorably of them.

#ok to reblog. in fact i encourage it #needed to get this out of my system bc i'm still fuming tbqh #poca chat #imperialism #important #anti hetalia #this turned from a hetalia rant to another history lesson go giana go #actually you know what i tries to avoid using main tags until now out of some sense of courtesy but now that i'm thinking.#what kind of courtesy did i owe fans trying to blindly enjoy their imperialist bootlicker series anyways #aph #hetalia

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quin-ns · 4 years ago

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Fix It (Eddie Brock x Reader)

Word count: 1.7K

Summary: Venom is very grumpy when you leave after a fight with Eddie, so he tries to help Eddie get you back

Tags: mention of a fight, grumpy venom, venom gives relationship advice, making up, kissing, cuddling- basically just lots of fluff and venom being chaotic

A/N: I haven’t posted writing since my flag fic but I went and saw venom let there be carnage a bit ago and it rekindled my love for Eddie and Venom so I wrote something cute to make myself smile. Ik it’s only two fics for this blog but hey it’s somethin’! I wanna write more fics for more characters so hopefully I get inspired again soon and use this blog for what I actually made it for lol

Venom’s words are in bold and in Eddie’s head they’re in bold and italics

Misc masterlist + main masterlist

Just as Eddie sat down on the couch and grabbed the television remote, a black tendril shot out and smacked it from his hand.

“No TV,” Venom demanded. The tendril then grasped Eddie’s cell phone and shoved it into his hand in replacement of the remote. “Call her!”

“She doesn’t want to talk to me,” Eddie grumbled back, not up for dealing with Venom’s bad mood as well as his own.

Next thing he knew, Eddie was face to face with the grumpy symbiote head. How could Eddie tell he was grumpy? Well, Venom’s large white eyes were narrowed and his numerous spiked teeth were bared—it was definitely his grumpy face.

“She will if you apologize!”

“Why should I apologize, huh? You’re the one who wants to go out and fight crime!” Eddie argued back

“Yes, but I did not yell at Y/N for being worried. That was you,” Venom shot back. “You made her leave, you will get her back!” Venom’s deep, growling voice grew louder until he was once again yelling.

Eddie rolled his eyes at that. He hated when Venom was right, especially about you.

Venom became invested in Eddie’s relationship with you rather quickly—to the point Eddie might say obsessed. You were friends with Eddie long before Venom came along and before he built up the courage to ask you out. When he revealed Venom to you, you’d hadn’t been scared at first like everyone else. You knew that Eddie trusted his gut and if he trusted Venom, you should too.

After all the mess with Carlton Drake, Eddie realized life was short (even though Venom wouldn’t let him die) and that he had to make his move eventually. He couldn’t remember a time when he was happier than when you agreed to go on a date with him. Venom was excited as well.

You didn’t seem to mind the extra company in your relationship and even though he did grow frustrated once in a while, neither did Eddie honestly. Venom was a part of Eddie and he was very used to it by now. However, moments like this when Venom inserted himself in your spats (which were few and far between, if he might add) it grew exhausting fast.

“It’s none of your business,” Eddie finally decided, crossing his arms. He stared ahead but didn’t meet Venom’s eyes. His gaze locked on the black TV screen, not budging. Eddie knew he was being stubborn and that he should just call you, but the thought of you not answering scared him a bit. He wouldn’t admit that though. He didn’t have it in him to be that vulnerable.

“It is exactly my business! Being a coward is not an excuse to avoid our girlfriend.”

“My girlfriend,” Eddie quickly corrected, rubbing his hands down his face in frustration.

“Not if you don’t fix this,” the symbiote warned. Eddie remained silent, not ready to admit Venom was right. “Fine, I will fix everything as usual,” Venom decided with what Eddie recognized as sass in his tone.

Suddenly, Venom retreated into Eddie. For a brief, naive second, Eddie thought Venom had relented. Then Venom took full form, his large, black body taking over Eddie’s. There was no time to protest as Eddie’s entire being was now Venom.

“What are you doing?” Eddie demanded to know as Venom jumped out of the apartment window in a dash. His huge feet slammed into the ground with a thud before he took off running down a back alley.

“We are going to Y/N’s so you can make her stop being mad and she will come back,” Venom declared as he jumped onto the side of a building, fingers scraping into the brick walls for leverage.

In the dark it was easier for them to make their way around the city. Even when eyes were drawn their way, when Venom was in control they were so fast it didn’t matter.

It was only a matter of minutes before they were scaling up the side of your building. Venom kept in mind which window he could fit through and Eddie didn’t exactly deter him. If he truly wanted to, Eddie could attempt to regain control but he didn’t. Instead he watched out of Venom’s view as his large fingertips slipped under the crack of your window and lifted it.

Venom snuck into your living room with ease, although maybe the word “snuck” was improper as there was a bit of commotion. So much so that when they opened your door, you were ready and waiting with a bat.

“It’s us!” Venom stepped back when you swung, although that was mostly Eddie. So was raising their hands in the air in a small surrender.

“Jesus Christ, Venom!” You lowered the bat, rubbing your eyes to clear your vision. “You can’t just break into my home with no warning,” you scolded, pointing a finger at them. “You should at least know better, Eddie.”

“Eddie is sorry,” Venom announced, brushing past your startled yelling. You scoffed and rolled your eyes. You went to put the bat back before turning back around with your arms crossed.

Now that they could focus on you, both Eddie and Venom realized you were wearing a shirt that belonged to Eddie with a pair of panties underneath and nothing else. It was a shirt Eddie had let you borrow one night that he’d never gotten back. He thought he lost it but of course you kept it. Eddie was glad you had, it looked good on you.

“See, she misses you,” Venom boasted inside of their head.

“Is he now?” you countered. You looked Venom up and down, although there really wasn’t a way to read him. He looked like he was trying to smile but the way he bared his teeth would be threatening to anyone who didn’t know him.

“Yes.”

The declaration sounded very sure, so you raised a brow.

“Then let me hear Eddie say it.”

Without warning, Venom disappeared, leaving Eddie standing across from you. It had only been a few hours since you’d stormed out of his apartment and you realized how much you had missed him. You felt yourself untense and your expression softened a bit.

Eddie opened his mouth to speak but he didn’t know what to say. He stepped forward and gestured awkwardly with his hands. “I- he’s right. I’m sorry,” Eddie confessed, done with protecting his ego. He missed you more than he thought he could and the idea of losing you broke his heart. He had to make this right. “I know you worry about me and I should appreciate that you care so much,” he concluded.

Eddie felt his heart race a bit faster than before as his eyes scanned your face. He couldn’t seem to breathe until a soft smile graced your lovely face.

“Yes, you should,” you said teasingly. You approached him and Eddie met you in the middle. His arms wrapped around you and he held you tight. You tucked your head against his shoulder and Eddie rested his cheek on top of it.

“I love you,” Eddie said softly.

“Tell her I do too!”

“And so does Venom,” he continued after briefly chuckling to himself. “He wanted me to tell you.”

“I love you too,” you said sweetly as you pulled away. You cracked a smile. “Both of you.”

Eddie’s hand found your cheek and he looked at you in awe for a moment. Seeing your shining eyes and being the source of your smile made his heart pound faster.

He didn’t hesitate to pull you in for a kiss. Your lips crashed into his willingly. Eddie took control of the kiss, conveying how much he loved and missed you. Your lips move in sync with his as Eddie’s hands moved to your hips. He pulled you against him as the kiss continued. It was only when you needed air that you broke apart breathlessly.

Venom intervened the moment you pulled back. “Now we go home!” he announced gleefully as he manifested himself yet again. He scooped you up into his arms and allowed you to get comfortable. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he wrapped one arm around you to cradle you. Then he took off back out the window, even closing it on his way down.

You closed your eyes tight to avoid the headache that came from the high speed and the city lights flashing by. The cold air hitting your body reminded you that you were hardly dressed, but thankfully you were mostly shielded by Venom’s huge body.

When Venom’s movements slowed you opened your eyes. You were met with the view of Eddie’s window. Venom had left it open on the way down and managed to squeeze back through it without crushing you.

Home sweet home, you thought to yourself. Sure you didn’t live there but you might as well have. It was a bit, okay, a lot of a mess from Venom’s habits and Eddie’s inability to have the energy to control them. It was much nicer than when Venom first came along, though. There wasn’t garbage everywhere and Eddie even bought a large bed for the two (technically three) of you to share.

The bed was incredibly soft and when Venom dropped you on it, you sank a little into the memory foam. You giggled as a weight crashed down beside you and large, black arms wrapped around you. You turned in Venom’s arms to face him just as he reverted back to Eddie.

“Hey there,” you said teasingly with a smile.

“Hello,” Eddie muttered back, a grin on his face to match yours. Eddie pulled you closer to him then, moving onto his back so you could lay with your head on his chest.

His arms draped over you protectively as a black tendril came out from his shoulder to reach down and pull blankets over the two of you before retreating.

A thought hit you then and you laughed to yourself again. “Did Venom just make us cuddle and tuck us into bed?”

“Yes, cuddling with Y/N is nice.”

“He says he likes cuddling with you.”

“So do you,” Venom pointed out.

"Yeah, buddy," Eddie replied in a content hum. He closed his eyes and held you close. "I do too."

#quin-ns writing #eddie brock #eddie brock x reader #eddie brock imagine #eddie brock fanfiction #eddie brock x you #venom x you #venom: let there be carnage #venom x reader #venom imagine #venom 2 #venom #tom hardy #tom hardy fanfiction

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yanderechuu · 4 years ago

Note

do any of the teachers ever notice the things happening to y/n? (i headcannon Mic and Midnight as yanderes that would give advice to 1A lol)

yandere!Class 1A x fem!reader

[2.1K]

Summary: Aizawa is the first one you approached in regards to your certain predicament.

Warning: nonconsensual recording

│

Aizawa suspected something wasn’t quite right by the moment he saw you entering the class a minute before the bell rang, all haggard and teary-eyed, though you tried your best to obscure your disposition. He always knew you to often be in a state of discomfort whenever you were compelled to socialize, especially with your classmates, but now - you looked as if you reached your limit of holding the weight of the world on your shoulders, crashing down all at once as depicted on your crestfallen expression.

And when you showed up in front of the faculty room, timidly soliciting his presence, his suspicions were only further verified. Even with a pending question regarding subject matters in your mind, you weren’t one to approach a teacher to inquire about it, and if you did it was because the teacher was the one who would ask your attendance; never the other way around.

Present Mic was the first one to acknowledge you. He stood up from his office chair, waving at you comically. “Yo, (l/n)! Having trouble with English again?”

You never had a problem with his subject; he only insisted that you’d come to him in regards to that. “N-no, not really. May I speak to Aizawa-sensei?”

“Talk with me instead!” He enthusiastically spoke and headed over to you. “Come on, what’s the matter?”

“It isn’t your place to ask that when I’m here.” Aizawa interceded, clearly unimpressed by Mic’s antics. He failed to see the latter’s displeased countenance. “(L/n), what is it?”

You avoided eye contact with him, averting your view to the ground - that was alright. You were always like this, and he didn’t mind. Nothing out of place except for the fact that it looked as if you were about to cry any moment now.

“Can we- can we, um, talk somewhere more private?” You asked quietly.

His brows raised in wonder at your request. Nevertheless, he didn’t decline you, only nodding lackadaisically before heading towards the teacher’s lounge, where you followed him suit. He flicked the door tag to ‘occupied’ and entered the room after you, when he told you sit on the three-person sofa situated not quite on the farthest left of the space. Then, he settled himself on the chair across you.

“Well?” He asked, expectantly.

But you had once again your head above a thick cloud of anxiety. You knew that after the event with Momo in the girls’ locker room - where you had injured her against your will because she had been violating your personal space - your homeroom teacher kept a cautious eye on you in case you’d re-enact that incident. And it wasn’t just that incident that made him look at you like you were a criminal on the loose, either. Your classmates found and did a lot of ways to place you in Aizawa’s naughty list just so you wouldn’t snitch on their abusive (they’d call it affectionate) behavior on you.

That didn’t erase the fact that you were nevertheless his student; he cared for you no less than he cared for his other pupils, yet you were just too ignorant in figuring that out. All that mattered to you was that you’d voice out your current concern to him, but with your insecurities holding you down it seemed it would be more difficult than you had primarily foreseen it to be.

“I-I,” you stammered out, fiddling with something inside your pocket, “u-um, you see, t-there’s this, I mean, I can’t-”

He grew increasingly frustrated with your constant stuttering, and although he did understand your shy nature which largely affected your conversational habits, he only had so much patience to deal with it.

“I don’t have all day.” He stated, glowering at your form in mild irritation. “If you’re going to keep doing that, talk to the wall.”

You abruptly halted in speaking after that, only looking down on your lap, staring wide-eyed, grief-stricken at the revelation that perhaps he really did not want to heed any of your words because you were just that bad of a student that he had decided you were not worth much the effort to concern himself with. And maybe he was right - that your words didn’t matter because you didn’t matter; that there were more affairs he better be tending to than yours; that you were only making a big deal out of this when it truthfully wasn’t.

Oh god, you felt like vomiting. Self-deprecation was getting the better of you.

He stood up and sauntered to the exit, not bothering to spare you a glance. “Come back to me when you actually know what you want to say.”

It was a matter of seconds when you ran to him, pulling him back rather harshly by the grip you had on his sleeve. He turned around due to the force to see your head still hung low, avoiding his gaze as always - only, your shoulders were quivering sporadically, and occasional sniffs were heard from your person.

“P-please, sensei...” you voiced out, shaken and horrifyingly delicate. “I-I’m so scared. Please.”

While he looked at you with contracted irises, countenance now alert from your unexpected disposition, you pulled your trembling hand out of your skirt pocket, nervously disclosing to him from your palm a small, black device with a tiny yet prominent lens.

“M-my room,” you heaved, “I-I saw this i-in my room, m-my closet, while- while I was dressing up, and I don’t know how long it had been in there but it probably already caught me bare and-”

You broke down in a flurry misery and shame, allowing yourself to fall to the ground but you didn’t - Aizawa seized you in his arms, his gentle, fatherly arms that could only do so much to console you from the horror of your reality. And he held your head as you cried on his chest, one little thing he could do after ignoring your situation and letting you think that your significance was less than the rest of his other students. At that moment, you were just so little, so fragile, so naïve he’d keep you in his pocket if he could. Why would someone do something as debauched as illegally recording your innocent self?

“I’m sor-sorry,” you sobbed, “I’m really telling the truth, p-please-”

“Shh, it’s okay. I don’t doubt you.” He reassured. Why were you apologizing? Were you that insecure of being a nuisance? No, no, you never were. Not to him. He reached for your hand to take the cursed device. “Since when did you find out?”

“J-just this morning.” You responded.

“Alright. Do you want to rest? This must have taken a huge toll on you.”

But you still had classes ongoing. Then again, you didn’t feel like looking at the faces of the prime suspects who possibly did you dirty, even when you knew that you’d have to eventually interact with them to get notes of your missed lessons. You were so tired from summoning the lot of your courage to confront your teacher regarding your problem, so you probably wouldn’t have the energy to listen to class discussion. Aizawa finalized your decision by pulling you up and guiding you towards the office of Recovery Girl who, after being briefed of your predicament by your homeroom teacher, welcomed you with a warm smile, telling you to make yourself comfortable in one of the beds in the infirmary.

He then made his way to 1A classroom, a newfound swelling of rage and disappointment in his chest, both forwarded to his class and to himself because only now did he realize that perhaps you were often so restless and apprehensive in the presence of your classmates because they did things that made you bury yourself in the deepest parts of your shell as a last attempt to revel in a sense of safety. Your timidity was not entirely derived from your own nature; it was also due to the maltreatment you were receiving from your classmates. Halting his steps by the classroom door, he looked through the glass window, seeing the class focusing on Midnight’s lecture.

Well, not quite. He could tell that your classmates were visibly affected by the lack of your presence, glancing at your desk from time to time as quiz papers were being passed behind - so they were in the middle of a test, he guessed. But that wasn’t his concern.

In impudent manner, he walked in amid Midnight’s talking, disregarding her face’s sudden morphing into vexation as the students gave him a look of confusion.

“Eraser, what are you-” she was rudely interrupted as Aizawa took the test reference papers from her hands. Something about Modern Hero Art History, he read. He faced his class with disdain, stating,

“Until someone confesses their crime of hiding a spy camera on (l/n)’s dorm room, all of you are receiving failing marks on this test.”

Quite suddenly, the class burst into violent upheaval, gasping, perking, some allowing the dreadful news of your situation to sink in, others letting out noises of complaint before actually taking consideration to the main point of Aizawa’s statement. Midnight stared at him in disbelief, but did nothing to stop his measures.

Momo abruptly stood. “I-is (y/n) okay? We should go check on her!”

“No, you shouldn’t.” Aizawa said. “All of you are suspects. You’ve no right to see her.”

“She probably just made that up get back on us for whatever fucking reason!” Yelled Bakugou.

“Yeah?” The male pro-hero disingenuously mused. He then picked up the spy camera and held it for everyone to see, before setting it down the teacher’s podium. “This was found on her closet. Would she risk recording herself naked just to prove that point?”

Noise died down thereafter, setting their sights solemnly at the device, the class collectively having the same thought in regards to the spy camera.

(Why hadn’t they thought of that? It could have been easier to check on you that way, since you almost always confined yourself in the privacy of your own room.)

“So? No one wants to speak up?” Aizawa asked, though expected the silence.

“Aizawa, have them approach you after classes. It’s embarrassing this way.” Midnight intervened.

“Well that’s the point. Get them exposed to the entire class, so everyone could realize how much of a perverted bastard one of these to-be heroes are. Good values, my ass.” He replied, not bothering to filter rather colorful vocabulary. “Where’s your dignity?”

He let a minute or two pass for the perpetrator to reveal themselves, but soon it became apparent that whomever they were refused to admit to their crime, willing to sacrifice the grades of the class for the sake of anonymity. That would be deemed useless, anyway, because Aizawa was already set on figuring out whom they were, no matter the extent he’d go to in order for that to happen. He’d expel them at once.

But he didn’t have the power to expel someone outside of his class.

“I guess that’s it for your test.” He sighed, disgruntled, picking up the small camera and sauntering his way out of the classroom after giving Midnight a look that he was dead serious with marking all of them a failing score. She stared at him in uncertainty, nonetheless abided by his decisions, albeit hesitantly.

Upon ascertaining his absence, Midnight turned to Class 1A, amusement and humor dancing on her seductive countenance.

“Naïve, hormonal teenagers,” she mused, “the closet, really? Couldn’t you have chosen somewhere less conspicuous?”

None of them bothered to tell her that they were truthfully unaware of the incident.

===

Hagakure Toru, stealth hero, entered your room silently in the nude, the only proof of her movements being a tinier, different spy camera she’d brought along with her. No, not the closet, you might find it again. It looked so painfully obvious on the desk, too, and neither in the bathroom due to its pale white interior.

But on the pencil holder situated atop your nightstand would do. You barely moved it, anyway, only having its purpose served as a decoration; something to fill the vacancy of the bedside table. After a few adjustments in camouflaging the device with the environment and making sure the lens displayed the area of your space, Hagakure checked its concealment one more time, before mechanically heading outside and back to her own dorm.

Her body collided almost violently with her room’s door, snapping her out of her trance.

“H-huh!? Weird... how’d I end up in my room?” She asked, receiving no answer from particularly anyone.

But Shinso Hitoshi could provide her one, if only he weren’t outside, staring at your terrace from five stories down your room, a gratifying smirk donned on his features. Now, the only thing he had to do was dismantle and relocate the gadgets wirelessly connected with the camera Aizawa had confiscated.

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babyboibucky · 4 years ago

Text

Promises, promises

Pairing: AU!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You believed that promises are meant to be broken but Bucky always proved you wrong. Until one day, he proved you right.

Word Count: 6,555 (oops I got carried away lol)

Warnings: Angst, a tiny bit of self-doubt but with a happy ending!!!

A/N: Some tags aren’t working, damn u tumblr! Anyway enjoy the angst and the shitty writing lmfao. Also kinda want to do ficlets for these two??? Like short fics about the happenings in their relationship, their first date, how they dealt with the break up idk, lemme know if anyone’s interested in that xoxo

MAIN MASTERLIST

It's been four and a half years since Bucky broke up with you and honestly, you're fine now. Fine, as in you've moved on from him and that you haven't been stalking his Instagram account anymore or have been asking Steve how he's doing since the break up. You're fine now, really.

There was not an ounce of denial left in your body after almost two years of pining and self-blame. But that doesn't mean you've forgotten the pain he caused you when he woke up one day and realized that he didn't need you anymore.

Forgive and forget they often told you and you badly wanted to do so. But it wasn't that easy to do, not when you still feel the pain as if it only happened yesterday.

"What did you say?" your forehead creased as you walked around the kitchen counter, quickly approaching Bucky who had his back to you as he stood in the living room of your shared apartment.

You weren't sure if you heard him right, or if he actually said anything. Perhaps you were just hearing things? Just this morning he woke up and greeted you with his charming smile before pressing a soft peck on your lips. You had cooked breakfast together, laughed together and even talked about what to have for dinner.

Sure, something about his demeanor earlier was a bit off, but you assumed it had something to do about his work and not because he wanted to break up with you.

Right?

"Bucky, what did you say?" you pressed when Bucky remained quiet; he didn't even turn around to face you.

He heaved out a deep sigh, "I said I need space." he murmured.

"What do you mean, Buck?" you asked again, voice small and shaky as you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt.

Of course you knew what exactly Bucky meant by that, but you didn't want to believe it. You were hopeful that maybe this was one of those petty fights you used to have, one where Bucky would spend the night over at Steve's. He'll come around the next day, he always does that. You always woke up to him whispering apologies to your ear and you would say your sorry too.

Bucky rubbed his face with his hand before finally turning to you, "I can't do this anymore." he said, shaking his head before averting his gaze to the floor.

He must have seen the look in your eyes when he faced you. As much as you believed that you were pretty good at hiding your emotions, it never worked on Bucky. He was the only person who could always read you; you could never hide from him.

"Bucky, I don't understand." you let out a nervous chuckle as you hugged yourself, biting your lower lip to prevent them from quivering as you held back the urge to cry.

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, "I just...you've been too...fuck, I don't know how to say this without hurting you. I really don't want to." he admitted dejectedly, looking up at you.

You scoffed, "Just fucking say it, Bucky. I'm already hurt just by having this conversation." you told him.

"You're too good for me. Way too good."

Bucky’s words echoed in your mind again as you laid your eyes on him, four and a half years after your break-up. And just like that, you were back to square one.

You did your best to avoid him after he left, you felt like Bucky too tried to do the same. It was harder than you thought, given that you belonged to the same circle of friends. There were missed birthday parties, anniversaries and get togethers. If you knew Bucky was going to be there, you’d bail. Thank god you had a bunch of understanding friends who never took your absences against you.

But an engagement party between two of your friends? Now that was something you wouldn’t want to miss out on.

You’ve been really happy for quite a while now, to the point that it never crossed your mind that Bucky would surely be attending as well. He had been out of your system since the day you decided to move past him, which is why you thought that you were finally a-okay.

Tonight proved you wrong because as you watched Bucky smile and greet your friends, you realized that you still wanted to punch him and hurt him and tell him that you were still in lo—

“Hi.”

You were too focused on daydreaming about how you wanted to hurt Bucky that you failed to notice that he made his way to you and was now waiting for you to greet him back.

Bucky was smiling at you the same way he did on the night you first met at a college house party. You and Bucky have been together for that long.

“Hi.”

The music was too loud that you missed out on the stranger’s greeting, if not for his shadow looming over your hunched figure as you sat on the staircase, you would’ve completely ignored him.

The guy was looking down at you with a charming smile that made your cheeks turn pink. He was tall and slightly muscular, something you noticed right off the bat all thanks to the tight red henley he was sporting. The guy had long hair too, but it was tied back into a low man bun that was messy enough to leave tendrils of stray hair to frame his handsome face.

“Hi.” He repeated with a chuckle, a hint of amusement laced in his tone as he bit his lip at the sight of you just staring up at him.

“Hi?” You stammered awkwardly.

He laughed, “Um, can I pass through or is there some sort of password required?”

You realized that you had been blocking his way, everyone’s way actually. Quickly, you apologized and stood up to leave your spot only for the guy to block your way before you could even hop off of the last step of the staircase.

Thinking that you must have confused him and the direction you intended to go, you murmured a soft apology again before sidestepping him but to no avail. You looked up at him with a frown when you noticed that he was intentionally blocking your way.

It didn’t help that he was way taller than you. Despite the one being on the last step of the staircase, the guy still loomed over you.

“Excuse me?” You snapped and tried to move past him but he was way bigger than you and managed to stop you from passing through.

He had a cheeky smile on as he watched your futile attempt to squeeze your way out of his large body. You huffed out when he held onto the rail while his other hand on the wall, completely trapping you on the staircase.

“What’s the password?” He asked, still grinning at you.

You deadpanned, “Are you kidding me?”

He shook his head, “Nope.”

You stared at him blankly before glancing at his hands, observing whether you had a chance at prying them away from where they held on. It was then that you noticed how his left hand was covered in tattoos. The sleeve of his henley rode up quite a bit to reveal that his tattoos reached his wrist, he probably had his entire left arm sleeved with ink.

“Can I please pass?” You huffed out when you concluded that there was no way you would be able to escape him.

“Like I said, I need a password.” He insisted.

“Penis.” You stated, face free from any sort of expression.

The guy choked on his laughter, “Why would you honestly think that?” He asked incredulously.

You shrugged, “I thought you guys liked dick jokes.” You reasoned out.

The guy laughed as he shook his head, “Well, you’re not wrong.”

“It’s not the password?” You asked. “Don’t I get a hint or something, I really don’t have time for games right now. I have to go back to my dorm. I have a test tomorrow.” You told the guy.

“I can’t believe you’re thinking about a test. What’s your major anyway?” He asked.

You groaned, “Like I said, I don’t have time for games or even for a conversation. Come on, just let me pass through!”

The guy hummed as he stared at you, as if he was thinking of something. You wanted to look away but he had beautiful ocean blue eyes that you found yourself slowly getting lost in.

“I’ll give you hints.” He announced. “Two hints actually, because I’m feeling generous.”

“Okay, then. Just spit it out!” You rushed.

The guy grinned.

“The password is made up of your name followed by your number.”

“Hi.”

You blinked when Bucky repeated his greeting. When you regained your senses, you cleared your throat and simply nodded at him as acknowledgment. You saw how Bucky’s smile faltered seconds before you looked away and pretended to look for someone.

“I can’t believe you just brushed me off.” He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair.

Bucky had cut off his hair right after graduation. He sported a clean cut since then but now he had longer locks; not as long as his college hair though. It just looked fluffier, you fought the urge to imagine how it’d feel through your fingers.

“I can’t believe you just expected me to greet you as if nothing happened.” You told him, letting your eyes wander around the place.

Bucky exhaled heavily and shook his head, “I thought we’d be okay by now.” He admitted. “Guess I was wrong.”

You clicked your tongue in irritation, snapping your head into his direction after avoiding his gaze earlier. “I am okay, but that doesn’t mean I am okay with being around you.” You hissed.

“I honestly thought we’d still be friends, you know. Civil at least.”

What has gotten into Bucky’s mind for him to expect a lovely reunion between the both of you? Things didn’t end well, he just left. He was too ambitious to even think that you’d greet him with rainbows and butterflies.

“We’re not friends, Bucky. Not even acquaintances.” You told him.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something until someone tapped on the mic, announcing that the newly engaged couple, Wanda and Vis, had something to say to their guests. By the time he looked back at you, you had already walked away and joined Nat at their table.

It reminded Bucky of the days when he used to watch your back retreat into your dorm whenever he walked you home.

“So, you gonna tell me the password or what?”

You felt all your blood rush to your head and you’ve never been thankful for existence of strobe lights. You were probably red as a tomato. Who wouldn’t be anyway? This handsome dude just asked for your name and number!

“Is this a joke?” You managed to asked and thanked the heavens that you didn’t stutter.

The guy shook his head, “I don’t really joke around.” He shrugged.

“Why do you even want to know my name and number?” you curiously asked.

Bucky shrugged, “Been watching you since you arrived.”

“Creeper.” you accused.

“Hard not to when you’re the only grumpy person in a party. I know your friends dragged you here, I mean you said you have a test tomorrow and you don’t seem the type to party a day before. Besides, you’ve been keeping to yourself the entire time. Figured you might want some company, one with substance.” he boastfully wiggled his eyebrows at you.

His confidence appalled you but you were also surprised at how he seemed to have read your mind. Or personality, in general.

“Hey, Bucky!”

You watched the guy turn his head towards front door where a blonde guy— Steve from the student council, you recognized— entered. You thought it’d give you a chance to slip away but the guy, well Bucky, kept his hands in place.

“Kinda busy right now, pal. I’ll catch up with you later.” He said.

Steve’s gaze moved past Bucky until they landed on you. He chuckled as he shook his head at his friend’s antics. Steve walked away but not without acknowledging you.

“He may not seem like it, but Bucky’s a good guy. You can take my word for it.”

Bucky turned to you and lifted an eyebrow, “I mean, coming from a student council member, that’s a pretty credible source.” He said confidently.

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. You had to admit, Bucky had a way with words and actions. His boyish charm was working on you and you hated how easily you were falling for it. And you just met the guy like ten minutes ago!

“So, what’s the password?” Bucky asked again.

You tapped your foot as you crossed your arms over your chest, “You promise to let me go if I tell you?”

Bucky made a face, “I don’t think that’s the right term because you can expect more of me once you give me the password. But I’ll definitely step aside. That’s a promise.” He reassured.

“Promises are meant to be broken.” You stated.

“Yeah, well watch me prove you wrong. Password? Pretty please?” He asked cutely and fuck, Bucky was really winning you over just like that.

Letting out a defeated sigh, you tell him your name and number. Just as he promised, Bucky stepped aside and quickly fished out his phone to type in your number. You honestly didn’t expect for him to remember it after hearing it once, but you peeked and he actually did. Impressive.

“Like I promised, off you go to study.” He said and motioned his arm towards the front door.

You sighed and offered a small smile before finally walking past him. You were about to open the front door when Bucky beat you to it.

“I told you ‘let go’ is the wrong term ‘cause I’m walking you home tonight.” Bucky said. “And tomorrow night too. And the next night and the next next night. Or afternoon. Morning? Whatever time your classes finish.”

Bucky really proved you wrong that night because he did walk you home the next night and the next next night too. It went on until he no longer had to watch you enter your dorm or apartment because eventually, the two of you ended up going to the same home.

It’s very ironic really, that it was also Bucky who failed to prove you wrong when he broke his promise not to hurt you, ever. You wondered whether it was your fault that you actually believed in him. It was hard not to though, because Bucky’s earned your trust from all the promises he made and kept.

Which is why it was even more painful when one day, he decided to break the one promise you truly held on to.

“I’ll always love you, you know that right?”

Bucky blurted it out randomly that his statement confused the hell out of you. The two of you were just playing a video game when he said it, making you hit pause.

“And where did that come from?” You asked with amusement.

Bucky frowned, “You could’ve reacted differently. I was hoping for a high-pitched ‘awwww!’ and this is what I get?” He teased, taking your chin in between his index finger and thumb to pull you close so he could bite your nose playfully.

“You said it out of the blue!” You told him with a laugh. “But it made me happy though.” You admitted and kissed his cheek.

“Yeah, well it’s true. I mean, this thing we got? It’s forever.” Bucky said and lovingly smiled at you.

You pretended to gag at his words but it was obvious that you felt like you were on cloud nine when Bucky said that. “Cheeseballs!” You teased.

“This cheeseball’s gonna put a ring on that finger one day. That’s a promise!”

A finger snapped right in front of your face, “You good?” Nat asked.

You nodded and tried your hardest not to look at Bucky. He was seated with Steve, Sam and some other guys at the table next to yours. You could feel him staring at you and it was making you anxious. Nat and Sharon exchanged looks before letting out a sigh in unison.

“Come on, I’m fine. Stop looking at me like that!” You told them with a forced chuckle.

“What did Bucky say?” Sharon asked. She’d seen Bucky approach you upon his arrival, saw the expressions you both had as you talked and knew immediately that it didn’t go well.

Nat hummed before taking a quick sip from her glass of wine, “We’ve been watching and we’re curious.”

“He was expecting for us to be friends.” You simply stated.

Nat and Sharon groaned and rolled their eyes, “What a dick.” Nat said.

“Men really do have the audacity.” Sharon laughed and shook her head.

You joined her laughter and lifted up your own glass of wine, “I’ll drink to that.” You said before finishing your drink in one go.

One glass of wine turned into two and then three and then four. Six drinks later and you were buzzed and unstoppable. You weren’t that drunk, you were good at handling alcohol but you were tipsy for sure. The formalities of the engagement party were finally done and the guests were left to mingle around.

Wanda and Vis immediately went to your table to catch up and after giving them your heartfelt congratulations (and apologies for missing out on plenty of events), you decided to step out of the venue to get some fresh air.

The silence allowed you to process your thoughts, the same thoughts you had repressed for years. You were happy for Wanda and Vis, truly. The two have been the epitome of soulmates and it was only right for them to end up tying the knot. But you also couldn’t help but wonder, would you and Bucky end up in marriage too had he decided to stay and work things out with you?

You lift up your left hand and stared at your bare ring finger. Just a few years ago, you’d been wearing a simple gold band studded with tiny diamonds around it— a promise ring. Bucky had given it as a gift on your 6th anniversary. You’d gotten together when you were just 19 and Bucky 21. People always doubted that your relationship with him wouldn’t last long given that the two of you were so different. Not to mention, Bucky had a reputation. Girls fawned over him; he was tall and handsome, had a rugged appeal to him thanks to his long hair and tattooed left arm. He drove a damn motorcycle that got him into trouble plenty of times.

You were Miss Goody Two Shoes who played it safe and Bucky was the Big Bad Wolf who liked taking risks.

It was a surprise when your relationship with him kept on progressing and the next thing you knew, the both of you have been together for a total of eight long years. It would’ve reached nine but shit happened and Bucky decided that those eight years didn’t matter to him anymore.

“Can we talk?”

If Bucky asked you that a couple of years ago, you would’ve probably punched him in the face and kneed him at the crotch before running away. Well, you still wanted to do so but a part of you wanted to talk things out. Get a proper closure maybe since Bucky failed to give you a detailed explanation that would help you understand why he chose to leave you.

Nat told you once that some things are better left unsaid. You spent years secretly pining for Bucky after the break up, spent nights questioning yourself where you lacked that made him leave you. You’d asked Steve about Bucky whether he met someone knew or how he was dealing with the break up; it did you more damage than good until you finally gave up and decided to actually move on.

But now that Bucky was here and there was no way to avoid him, maybe you deserved this confrontation after all.

“What do you want to talk about?” You asked, keeping your eyes on the pavement right in front of you.

You felt Bucky stand beside you, placing his hands inside the pockets of his jeans before turning to you, “About us.”

You snickered, “Us? What about us? What is there to talk about us?” You asked, turning your head to face him.

Bucky’s eyes have always been your favorite feature of his. They were very expressive and if Bucky could see through you every damn time, it was his eyes that you could always read. They were still blue but they held a certain emotion in them as he gazed at you.

Sadness and...regret?

Before your assumptions could get the best of you, you turned away and waited for Bucky to speak again.

“I can’t keep on avoiding you.” He said. “I’ve been doing so for the past few years and it kills me.” He admitted.

“And you think I want to keep doing this too? I’ve missed out on so many occasions because I just couldn’t be around you. You’re not the only one struggling.” You said.

Bucky shrugged, “Then let’s stop avoiding each other.”

The way he suggested it almost offended you; he was so nonchalant about it as if it was so easy to just let him waltz back into your life. Truth was, you dreamt of the day that he’d come crawling back to you. But you knew better than to let your walls down just because you miss him.

“When Steve told me that you seemed to be doing well, I really thought it meant that we can become friendly with each other, y’now. I mean, eight years. Those years meant so much to me, we’ve been through a lot and—“

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Barnes?!” You bitterly chuckled.

“If those eight years together really meant a lot to you, you would’ve stayed. You would’ve allowed me to work it out with you! But what, you broke up with me because you thought I was too good for you? That you felt suffocated just because I was looking out for you?”

You didn’t mean to snap at Bucky like that, in your mind you thought you would be able to have a calm conversation with him. But with the alcohol running through your body, you couldn’t stop yourself from expressing yourself and and feeling the same way you did on that specific night.

“Too good? How am I too good for you, Buck?” You asked, immediately wiping off the tears that escaped your eyes.

“You have everything planned out! For yourself, for us. And it makes me feel fucking useless! I see you work your way up at your job and I’m still figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life!” He exclaimed.

You shook your head, “I didn’t know you felt that way.” You whispered. “If you told me this then I could’ve done something about it, Buck! Rather than let it get this far, I would’ve fixed it.” You told him and tried to reach out but Bucky took a step back.

“That too! You’re a fixer! You always end up fixing things. This relationship has become an endless cycle of me fucking up things and you picking up the pieces. And every single time you clean my mess, I feel like you’re hoping I’d be like the others. It’s like you’re trying to make me into a person I’m not just so I could fit this, this certain mold you had in mind!” He accused you.

You wiped again your tears and refused to believe him, “That’s not true, Bucky! I’ve always loved you for who you are, I never asked you to change for me!”

“Yes, you do! You never said it but I always felt it...when Steve got promoted and when Sam finally launched his business. You always wanted me to be like them, you never said it out loud but that’s what you made me feel whenever we talk about my job...or lack thereof.” He chuckled bitterly.

Bucky may not be traditional in the sense that he considered himself an artist. He never liked the idea of settling for a nine to five desk job so he took on a job as a tattoo artist. It wasn’t a permanent job and he didn’t have clients demanding for him all the time so it gave him time to work for a motorcycle shop too.

It was never a problem for you but practically speaking, your and Bucky’s joint savings wouldn’t be enough for the future that the both of you have planned out.

“I’ve been supportive of you! I never asked you to give up on those jobs, Bucky.” You defended yourself.

Bucky nodded his head, “You don’t know it but you do. That’s how I felt whenever you suggested that I try something else.”

“It’s because I know you can do so much more! Stay at the tattoo parlor and mechanic shop, then fine! But don’t settle because you have the potential to make it out there, that’s what I want you to know! I don’t understand why you’re limiting yourself, Buck. Why you’re suddenly so afraid.”

You carefully took a step closer to Bucky and thank god he let you this time. You swallowed the lump in your throat and reached out to cup his face in your hand. Bucky was livid, his chest rising heavily with every breath he took.

“You were the one who taught me to be brave, to take risks. I used to be so afraid, remember? Afraid to ride your motorcycle, to try out that job I thought I couldn’t handle. I was so scared to commit,” you chuckled, remembering how much you hesitated to give Bucky a chance when he asked you to be officially his girlfriend.

“...but you’ve always been there for me. And I want to do the same with you. I know that it seems scary to let go of what you believe is your calling. You don’t have to let go of it, Buck. But you gotta try something new too.” You said as you let your thumb caress the skin beneath his eyes.

There was silence between the two of you. Bucky had calmed down and you thought that it was over. Little did you know that it was simply the calm before the storm. Because the words that came out of Bucky’s mouth were the words you didn’t expect to hear.

“Well, this is me trying something new.”

Bucky refused to meet your gaze and simply let your hand move away from his face. You shook your head no as you turned around to compose yourself.

“We were fine this morning, Buck. What happened?” You asked and embraced yourself, seeking comfort you knew you’d only get if Bucky changed his mind.

“I thought we were fine too. But the tattoo parlor is closing in a month and we haven’t been getting plenty of clients at the motorcycle shop. And it just hit me y’now, I dread coming home to you because I know you’d be disappointed and that again, you’d offer to fix my shit and the thing is, I don’t want you to. I don’t want you to fix my shit or tell me how to deal with my problems! I woke up and realized that I just don’t...” Bucky paused when you swiftly turned around with a frown, eyes brimming with a fresh new wave of tears.

“Don’t say it, Bucky. I’ll be better, I promise! I won’t nag you or pressure you into anything. Just please, don’t say it. Please don’t. We can still work this out.” You begged Bucky.

You weren’t sure you could take it, what he wanted to say. You already knew what he was going to tell you, you didn’t want to hear it. Let other people say it but god, it’d break you if you heard it from him.

“I’m sorry but I don’t need you anymore.”

The stabbing pain in your heart felt so familiar, the kind that punched all the air out of your lungs. You thought you were done crying over Bucky, but you were so wrong.

“I fucked up.” Bucky huffed out, bowing his head as if ashamed.

“You realized that just now?” You snickered. “Do you know how long it took for me to get over you? To forget the pain from hearing you tell me that you don’t need me anymore? After eight years together, Buck. You were my first everything and you gave up on us. And you really expected us to be friends, just like that?!” You spat.

“I’m sorry!” Bucky exclaimed, lifting his head to look up at you and you were surprised that his eyes were glazed with tears.

“I was wrong, I was so fucking wrong. Because you were right, I shouldn’t have settled then. But god I was an idiot, an insecure idiot.” He admitted.

“I was so used to being the one who guided you that it fucking hurt my ego when I noticed that you were becoming your own person outside of our relationship. I was supposed to be the one supporting you, pushing you to be better. You ended being the one leading me. I let my ego get the best of me and thought I’d be better off without you. But it was the biggest mistake of my life because when I left, I felt even more lost.” Bucky explained.

You were left speechless, you weren’t sure why Bucky was telling you all this. Did he want you back or was he simply apologizing? You didn’t have words so you remained quiet and waited to see whether Bucky had more to say.

“I’m so sorry, I really am. I hurt you. I should’ve stayed, should’ve worked with you to fix our relationship. I hate what we’ve become, I sincerely wanted us to be civil with each other at least.” He said.

“Bucky, you’ve been saying the same thing over and over again. I’m not sure you understand the situation. I can’t be friends with you. Not after what happened. I thought I was fine but now I realized that I’ve never really moved on from the pain you caused me.” You told him and sniffed, looking back to check whether your friends could see you.

Thankfully, all the guests were still busy mingling with each other. It’s as if the universe meant for this confrontation to happen. But now you weren’t sure what to do after you finally got a clear explanation from Bucky.

“I wanted a fresh start with you.” Bucky said. “Thought that it would make it easier for me to win you over if we were friends again.”

You scoffed in disbelief, “It’s not that easy, Buck. I can’t just let you walk back into my life after your apology. It doesn’t work that way.”

You tried to move past him but he immediately blocked your way, “When I said I’ll always love you, I meant it. I still do. I want to make things right, please. Give me one last chance to fix this.”

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, maybe it was Bucky’s words and how sincere he sounded that made your head spin. Your heart was racing and your palms turned cold. You wanted him back too, so bad but you weren’t sure if it was a good idea. He broke your heart and your trust, you weren’t sure if you’d survive if he left you again.

“I can’t continue this conversation, Bucky. I have to go.” You told him and made your way towards the door to the venue.

However, Bucky was quick to stand in front of the door. He had a determined look on his face, one that looked extremely familiar. You were still hurt but couldn’t deny the fact that you too, still love him.

Even after everything that had happened, Bucky still owned your heart.

“Bucky, can you please move? I want to go home.” You said and tried to reach for the door knob but Bucky moved and leaned against the door.

“You need a password to get through.”

You rolled your eyes, “We’re way too old for this, Bucky. I’m not playing with you.”

He shook his head, “I’m not playing either. Give me the password or else we’d be here the entire night.”

You huffed out, “This isn’t funny. Let me through.”

Bucky shrugged, “No can do. Like I said, I can do this all night.”

You deadpanned, “What’s the hint?” You asked with a defeated sigh, knowing well enough that there was no way you could walk past him without playing along with his stupid little game.

“Consists of three words.” Bucky said.

“Penis boobs vagina.”

Bucky cackled, “And I thought you said we’re too old for this.”

You groaned, “I’m serious, Bucky. Just let me go.”

“No. I made that mistake once and I’m not doing that again. I love you. And I promise that this time, it’ll be different. I know you still love me too, so again I am asking you to take a risk and say it.”

Bucky said it with conviction and you hated how it made your stomach flip. Up until this day, Bucky had a way to make you fold. And he could still read you.

“I’m not saying it, Bucky. How sure are you that I still feel the same anyway?” you asked.

Bucky tipped his head towards your neck, “Not sure if you just forgot but you’re wearing the promise ring as a necklace.”

Fuck. Of course, you’d forgotten about it. You may not have been wearing it on your finger, but you still continued to wear it. It meant a lot to you even after the break up, so much so that you couldn’t simply throw it away or remove it. You figured that it might be better to keep it around your neck. Out of sight, out of mind but still there. You wanted it to exist, it was a part of you.

“Say it and I promise that you won’t regret it.” Bucky insisted.

“Promises are meant to be broken. You proved that the night you broke up with me.” Your voice quivered when you said that.

“And I want to make it up for it for the rest of my life.” He reassured.

“History repeats itself. I don’t think I can deal with it again if you realized the second time around that you don’t need me. Buck, you really hurt me.” You said, voice cracking before you could even finish your sentence.

Bucky quickly took your face in between his hands and for some reason, it felt right. The warmth of his palm, the love in his eyes as he gazed at you, it felt like home.

“I know and I hate myself for it. So fucking much. But I promise you, it wouldn’t happen again. I fixed my life when you left, realized that you were right. I’m better now. So let me be the fixer this time, let me be the one to fix this mess, to pick up the pieces. Because I’m just as afraid to let you go again. I can’t do that again. I love you and I need you. I always did.”

The kiss he pressed on your forehead caused your walls to crumble down. All of a sudden you were sobbing into his arms and apologizing.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you then, Buck. I didn’t know, I’m sorry too.” You cried.

“Shh, no. Please don’t apologize.” Bucky coaxed as he pulled back to kiss your tears away. “None of this was your fault, baby. It’s all on me. Let me make it up to you, please?”

The term of endearment made your heart flutter and as much as you hated how Bucky easily won you over, again, the love you have for him was quick to outweigh it. You knew you shouldn’t have given in to him just like that, but this was Bucky. He was your greatest love, someone who owned your heart even after he left.

“I miss you, baby. Couldn’t fathom the thought of you being with someone else.” Bucky admitted as he hugged you tightly.

“I was so stupid, so fucking stupid. I hated myself for hurting you. I won’t do it again, I swear.”

His hand rubbed circles against your back, helping you calm down after your breakdown. He swayed you from side to side, pressed kisses on your crown and whispered promises that he was sure he was going to keep and you basked in it. When you finally calmed down, you pressed your face into Bucky’s neck and inhaled his scent.

He smelled the same, like comfort and love and trust. You hugged him tighter and smiled into his skin and mumbled, “I love you.”

Bucky chuckled, “You got the password right but I don’t think I’m letting you go just yet.”

“Nat and Sharon’s gonna kick our asses if they find out.” You chuckled.

He pulled back and stared at you lovingly, “I’ll take the hit for you.” he laughed.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled again, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“Forgiven.” You told him and stood on your tiptoes until Bucky bent down to meet your lips in a kiss.

You sighed into the kiss. Four and a half years of pain and anger all gone and replaced with the love you always had for Bucky. His lips against yours made you dizzy but in a good way.

It felt right, like this was how things were really supposed to be.

You pulled back and sighed, “As much as I want to stay like this, I’m really tired.”

Bucky let you go but took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I’m driving you home tonight.” He said.

You smiled.

“And the next night. And the next next night.”

Yet again, Bucky proved himself to be worthy of another chance. Because he drove you home the next night, and the next next night. It went on until he regained your trust back and all was well enough for him to finally reveal the black velvet box that he had been keeping in his pocket since the night of your eventful reunion.

“You need a password to see what’s inside.” Bucky grinned up at you as he bent down on one knee.

You chuckled through your years, “Any hint?”

“One word, three letters.”

You wiped away your tears with a smile followed by a subtle nod.

“Yes.”

Bucky kept his promise all along, he really did put a ring on your finger. Took quite a while with plenty of obstacles that caused its delay, but a promise fulfilled nonetheless.

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes

#bbbwrites #oneshots: bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky fic #bucky angst #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes angst #sebastian stan

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wishingyouback · 4 years ago

Text

just call me.

semi-tsundere!minho

warnings: none

the walk back to campus would've been short, if it wasn't for the uncomfortable presence of your ex right beside you.

normally, you would've found any type of silence comforting, you would have even preferred it actually, but unfortunately your ex-boyfriend didn't get the memo, and had even got the extra (unnecessary) mile of walking you back to your class after bumping into you during lunch at your favourite, just across the street.

at first, you thought he was just being nice, being a little formal as it's been a while since you two have hung out, but apparently he wasn't, and was genuinely planning to walk you back as if it wasn't making you uncomfortable. after you had voiced out that it wasn't needed, at all. yet here you were, passing through the usual crowd of people with your arms wrapped comfortingly around yourself as you smiled at students you recognised. some who lounged around campus, sitting on the steps and some walking out of their class to sleep in the library -- it was a normal thing.

except for the fact that you noticed a figure making their way up to you, hands tucked coolly in their pocket as they effortlessly slung their leather backpack on one shoulder.

"you got a minute?"

the somber tone you've known minho to have is now hidden behind a more serious one. your ex halts whatever it is he's blabbering on about, staring at you then the raven-haired boy who patiently waits for your answer, not showing any emotion on his face to hint how he's feeling.

"dude, you mind? we were in the middle of a conversation."

in the midst of your surprise, you turn to minho to watch his reaction, but all he does is let out a heavy sigh and lazily turns to face the boy next to you.

"my bad, i thought for it to be considered a conversation there would have to be two people, talking." all you can do is watch the exchange by the side, glancing from one boy to the other. minho smiles sarcastically, then turns back to you, "do you have a minute?"

"i-i," you compose yourself, "i do."

"see," minho turns back to the boy who you once dated during sophomore year. "this is how it's done. see you, dude."

before you can register what is going on, minho subtly slips his calloused hands into your softer ones, trying to ignore the fact that your hands with his, do fit so perfectly together.

you let minho pull you away, taking note of how gentle he's being even when his face shows nothing but pure annoyance of the presence of your ex. when he reaches the quieter side of campus that you're familiar with, he let's your hand go. the both of you stand quietly together, -- this silence, although unexpected, was bearable -- comforting even. you were unsure of what to say. you're not used to seeing minho pull such a stunt, especially out in the open when he had made it clear many times, that he wanted to keep your friendship with him a secret.

something to do about having to introduce you to too many people if he were to start hanging out with you, which you found amusing since minho had a handful of friends he could tolerate.

he wasn't fond of most people here.

"you were with him," he finally breaks the silence. "why?"

minho doesn't sound judgemental or harsh, in fact he sounds more concerned.

"with him?" you echo back the question, already being able to see minho roll his eyes despite his back still facing you. "it wasn't deliberately... we bumped into each other at Haven and he offered to walk me to class."

"and you said yes?" he finally turns to look at you, eyes carefully scanning your face to see if he's crossing the line.

"no," you sigh. "i said no, but he insisted and then waited 'till i was done so he could pay for my lunch too." you say with deep regret.

minho listens; he nods. he lets it all sink in until suddenly, he rolls his eyes and looks away from you.

"well," he shrugs. "if he tries doing that again just call me."

you furrow your eyebrows. "i thought you didn't like talking on the phone--"

"-- i changed my mind." he says nonchalantly, trying to brush it off but you notice the change in demeanour and bite back a smile. "i'm making an exception, alright? if there's an emergency or anything; just call me."

you’re a little stunned, “you consider this as an emergency?” the bored look he gives you makes you rephrase your sentence, to ask him something else.

"what if you don't pick up?" you genuinely ask.

minho wasn't the best texter, so you couldn't imagine how he'd be like with phone calls.

"i will," he says a little too quickly. "i mean, i will. just text me beforehand or something," he scratches the back of his head before clearing his throat and once again, avoids eye contact.

"lee minho, are you going soft on me?" you tease, deciding to use the moment right now to joke with him before you two part ways and go back to acknowledging each other with quiet nods around campus.

"you wish," he exaggerates a scoff, trying to cover up the pinkness of his cheek with his carefree attitude but he doesn't think he does a good job with it. not when he sees the cute smile you have on your face. "stop having shitty exes, then maybe i wouldn't have to be doing this."

"sure," you respond mockingly. "maybe you should try finding the right guy for me then, you know, since i have shitty exes." you quote with a roll of your eyes.

minho had his own share of ex girlfriends too, some you weren't sure how they ended up with him, but still, he was always picking at your somewhat horrible taste in men. for what reason, you aren't too sure.

"like you'd take my advice," minho scoffs as you two start walking back to the main area.

as you two reach a crowd, you're ready to do what usually do which is, walk away from minho, pretend you didn't see him and continue on with your day. but when you make your usual turn and still feel minho's presence next to you when you start walking up the steps to your class, you raise your eyebrows at him.

"what?"

"this isn't part of the arrangement?"

"what arrangement?"

is he being serious.

"the one you made about us not being seen together? now shoo!"

minho stifles a laugh at how you try to get rid of him as if he's one pesky fly, but shakes his head instead. he places both of his hands onto your shoulders then directs you to to your next class, which you coincidentally have together.

"i guess i changed my mind," he grins. "let's go, you're gonna make us late."

tag(s): @brokenwigglyline

author's note: can you tell i absolutely missed writing, and posting? :,) hahah but! again, i hope you enjoyed this and if you've read this far; thank you so much x

written roughly under an hour, so i apologise if it isn't any good, again.. but if there are any errors i'll try to fix them asap!

you're loved, always

ily, always x

#stray kids #skz #lee know #stray kids imagines #stray kids fluff #skz imagines #skz fluff #leeknow imagines #leeknow fluff #leeknow scenarios #skz fanfiction #stray kids fanfic #stray kids scenarios #stray kids soft #skz soft hours #leeknow x reader #stray kids x reader

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sheaymin · 3 years ago

Note

i want your gif making lore. 7, 9, 17, 15, 20, 26, 40, 45, and 49!

dfkjaj LORE REQUEST RECEIVED

7. Who are your top 3 gif makers

ohmans thats hard khfdsa. i actually am big fans of a lot of gifmakers out there that i dont follow but i see their stuff all the time in the tags & rb from them etc etc. but like i do follow a lot of folks who’s stuff i rlly enjoy and are folks that tend to inspire me. its a bit unfair to list just three so fkjsdha uhh @aartyom @eurodynamic @onewingedangels @preciousgyro @entreri @marogarreh @thequantumranger @trident

9. What/who inspired you to start making gifs

i dont fully remember, i think a mix of just fandom stuff w/ friends & rp blogs. i do remember it was a hellacious journey until i could figure it out and since then i just have tried to keep improving or learning new things etc etc.

17. 10 sets, 8 sets, 6 sets? How many gifs to you prefer in a set

this is VERY dependent on the set im making at the time. i try to avoid like sets with a lot of images bc i get very tired with the task. but some stuff like i try to do between 2-5 so it looks nice in a post.

15. Have you ever had gifs stolen and reposted

constantly. usually its my avan gifs or star trek gifs. which is like the major reason i dont do them anymore or do a lot of non-video game slash anime sets. i tend to confront the person or ask them to take it down & it goes as well as you expect half the time: not the best. the worst time was a rp blog stealing all my avan gifs, not aware i was in the same rp circles so like tons of mutuals( most shared between the two of us ) notified me & they blocked me on said blog so i had to message them from my personal + other blogs i had at the time as well as said mutuals spoke with them as well before they took them down. it was a very frustrating day.

20. Mac or PC

i have experience with both mac & pc, however my default is my pc which is built for gaming. i’ve had mac laptops in the past via my older sister who would give me her school handmedowns. as far as specifically creating art gifs what have you, i have no preference between the two.

26. How many un posted sets are in your drafts right now

sO I KNOW A LOT OF PPL DO THAT WHERE THEY MAKE STUFF AND SAVE IT IN DRAFTS BUT IM DKSJHA i just i dont have the like mental fortitude to make something and not post it soon after. back when i was doing rp stuff & writing i used my drafts very heavily for wips & i sorta do that w/ gifsets in a way. as i make them i have a opened draft to upload each one to see how they look on tumblr, if they upload correctly, & to check coloring between my main monitor secondary monitor & phone as well so i make sure colors are good theres no washes etc. so usually if there is something in the drafts im currently working on it or its about to be posted so there are zero things in my drafts other than this ask kfsha

40. Why do you make gifs

good question. no clue. fkjhdsa but its fun & i enjoy it. its also just fun to share my interests in a way that can be shared by other people in reblogs etc. reading the tags of my sets & seeing ppls reactions or just opinions or whatever is just it rlly makes it. I Make Gifs For The People.

45. Ever gotten hate over a set

i’ve had ppl disrespect me bc of a gifset but ive never gotten hate persay. i do get a lot of bitchy people upset about my “do not repost or remove caption.” that i add to my posts which like i tend to ignore. realistically i cant stop ppl from doing such but it has helped so i keep doing it. usually i get a comment on said set they reblogged that day or in the tag but ive gotten 1 ask once about it & it was p funny. but proper hate with a valid reason ? nah.

49. How much would you say you’ve improved since you first started giffing

oH SO MUCH LOL. from coloring, to timing of the frames, to composition, to typography, to quality. the more i make the better i get. && there are things i want to redo to see how much i’ve improved. im not using the best tools to make these, but i’ve seen my improvement i’ve seen how much better i am & it’s rlly nice to be able to visually see your growth.

/ GIFMAKER ASKS

#farllee.asks #fashionablyfyrdraaca #yEAH THANKS FOR ALL THE QUESTIONS

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thebibliosphere · 4 years ago

Note

Hi, Joy!! I have a quick question for you,,, I've been following your Chronic Health tag for a while, and have always kind of suspected POTS but was never sure,,, well, until I got a fitbit and my heartbeat shot up from 70 to 127 after standing up. So,,, I'll need to be seeing a doctor. But do you know what kind of treatments are suggested for it? Everything I see says like "various meds and exercise" but exercise seems counterproductive bc one of the symptoms is exercise intolerance. I dunno, I'm just hesitant to trust judgey doctors or vague websites, and would rather ask someone who actually HAS it.

Hey! Sorry to hear you might be dealing with POTS, it’s not a fun thing to contend with.

The main treatment for POTS is increasing your hydration and salt levels (1). This may come in the form of salt tablets, or naturally through your diet, depending on severity. I get salt tablets for my really bad days and manage it the rest of the time with salty snacks. My daily intake of electrolyte water* is between 2-4 liters a day, as recommended by my doctor. My minimum goal is 2 liters. If I don’t hit that marker, I’m going to start becoming symptomatic and my heart starts doing weird things to the tune of 165bpm while lying down. Which is also a thing. Lying down with your legs propped up to get the blood flow back up to your core is very much a thing a lot of fellow potsies will be all too familiar with.

Another thing is compression therapy. On bad days, I wear compression socks, and essentially what is a medical version of Spanx underwear lol. This helps to keep my blood in my core, and not rush to my legs, which means my heart doesn’t have to go a mile a minute to keep my blood pumping. If I know I’m going to be out the house and doing a lot of walking/standing, I will preemptively wear them, or make sure I’ve got them in my backpack.

This brings us to exercise. And the thing most online articles (and some absolutely shitty doctors) don’t mention about POTS and exercise is that it has to be incredibly gentle due to things like exercise intolerance. It’s taken me two years of rehabilitation and treatment, but I can now do 30 minutes straight on a reclined** exercise bike. This is a pittance compared to someone who used to go hiking up Scottish hills on the daily, but it’s a massive achievement for me now post-illness. I can also go for 30-minute walks in mild weather, provided there aren’t many hills. But running? Hell no. Even some of my physical therapy exercises are too much and have to be swapped out for gentler versions. I do a lot of my stretches and exercises while sitting down, and that’s perfectly acceptable. It’s about finding the level of exercise that is safe and accessible to you. Some folks find that they can get better enough to resume normal levels of exercise, and I still hope that one day I will. But it’s a slow process, and being gentle with myself is the only way I’m going to get there. And if I never do? Well, 30-minute walks are better than lying on the floor cause you stood up too quickly.

There are other medications that can be tried, like blood pressure meds. I’ve got zero experience with them because of my MCAS, but I do know some folks on here who have had good results with their blood pressure meds. But the first and foremost thing to do is make sure you’re hydrated and well-rested. They can really make a difference.

Also, just in general, people who don’t have POTS can experience those heart level numbers if they’re dehydrated. So y’know, this is a general reminder for everyone to take a sip, babes.

Hope that helped!

*I use electrolyte water to avoid electrolyte imbalances, which can sometimes happen when you drink too much water (3).

**If you can exercise while reclined with POTS, this can help with the intolerance and is just also gentler and less likely to trigger an episode.

#chronic health tag #POTS #runnin-out-oftime

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comfortbucky · 4 years ago

Note

Hey! Can i request a cold, lonely ex-hydra reader × bucky who falls in love with her. Adding some panic attacks and nightmares of the reader.

i love this idea!!! thank u for submitting🥰

𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗲 ⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ ｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚ ⋆

pairing: avenger!bucky x ex-HYDRA!fem!reader

tags: enemies(?) to lovers, angst (if u squint), soft!bucky

warnings: canon level violence, description of injuries, blood is mentioned, panic attacks, anxiety, nightmares

A/N: i just came up with a random name for the HYDRA leader the reader is after🤣 so just ,,, ignore // also!!!! i tried out a different writing style than what i’m used to! hope u don’t mind🥺 just been feeling like a lot of my writing is the same and wanted to try something new!!!

word count: 3.5k (this is so long LMAO sorry 😭 literally why am i like this)

my masterlist!

completed requests!

The suit that you once considered a second skin, now felt uncomfortable and constricting, like a python squeezing the life out of you. Although, it made sense since the very organization of the uniform you were wearing did exactly that.

HYDRA.

For so long you were just another mindless pawn to them, just doing without every actually thinking. Unlike your younger brother, Alex. They indoctrinated him as well, getting a hold of both of you from a young age, but he was there when Captain America took down S.H.I.E.L.D. and it changed his entire worldview. You found everything he said about “freedom” to be stupid, naive, and dangerous. And you would later prove yourself correct.

You pull yourself from your thoughts as a group of HYDRA soldiers walk past the shrubbery you hid behind. Quickly and quietly, you get up and join them as they march towards the HYDRA base. As soon as you get inside, you manage to slip away from the rest of the group to search for your target.

Since HYDRA took the possibility of you ever having a normal life away, as far as you were concerned, your only purpose in life was to kill the man who was at the center of it all, Viktor Cross. And after months of tracking him down, formulating the perfect plan, that’s exactly what you were going to do today.

You make your way towards one of the main lab facilities, gun in hand when you see several unconscious guards lying on the floor in front of you. Shifting your gaze up, you see that the door has been ripped open, grip marks on the sides.

This was not part of the plan.

As you squeeze through the open door and enter the lab, you come to a halt, frozen in shock. There’s your target, Viktor, shoved against the wall by none other than Captain America himself. You almost let out a chuckle in disbelief at the irony of the situation. Instead, you take a step forward, and the glass cracks beneath your feet, alerting the men of your presence.

Shit.

Immediately, both sets of eyes are on you. Viktor’s lips curve into a smirk as you make your way to them.

“Agent- Miss Y/N,” he corrects himself. “What a pleasant surprise.” You ignore him and look to address Steve Rogers, AKA Captain America.

“Let him go and give him to me,” you start, Steve eyeing you cautiously. “So I can kill him,” you snarl, quickly turning to Viktor to see that his smirk had been wiped off his face.

“Aren’t you HYDRA?” He questions, nodding to your suit and eliciting a cackle from Viktor.

“Not anymore,” you mumble, before lifting a leg to kick Steve in his side. You hit him across the face with the end of your gun for good measure. He stumbles over, giving you enough time to grab Viktor’s collar, before he falls to the floor, and slam him back against the wall. His eyes are full of desperation and you felt nothing but pure, burning rage. You shove the barrel of your gun under his chin and place your hand on the trigger.

“You were such a gifted agent, Y/N. Don’t throw away such potential, come back.”

“Go to hell.”

Before you could pull the trigger, a force propels you to the ground and you feel a sharp pain in your side. Silence and then ringing fills your eyes as you squint your eyes to try and visualize the situation. Your vision is blurry, but clear enough to clouds of smoke engulf Viktor’s figure as he escapes. A muffled voice from behind you speaks, but you can’t make out any of the words they’re saying. You look down to see red. Just crimson red, staining your abdomen. Hands land on your shoulders, shaking you gently as your vision fades to black.

Viktor is in front of you, the barrel of his gun directed right at your head. He smirks as he moves his hand to the trigger.

“Hail, HYDRA.”

A gunshot goes off, forcing you to shoot up in bed, gasping for air. As you start to regain your senses, you realize you’re surrounded by a group of strangers. Well, not complete strangers, the Avengers to be exact. Part of your job required you to study their files, learn everything about them. You could recite from memory where and when they were born, their greatest strengths and weaknesses. Suddenly, your side starts to burn with pain, and you carefully lean back in bed. There’s an array of wires and tubes connected to you and you hear the rhythmic beeping of various machines. You’re in a hospital, or some sort of medical facility.

“That, is exactly why I said we should use restraints.”

You’re staring at the ceiling when you hear Iron Man, AKA Tony Stark, speak.

“Tony, she lost a liter of blood, she’s not going anywhere.”

Steve appears in your view, looking down at you.

“Hey, you’re okay. You’re safe.”

You shift your gaze away from him. The last thing you expected to come out of this mission was to meet the Avengers, let alone them save you.

Steve sighs, “We’re not gonna hurt you. We wanna find Viktor too.”

There’s nothing he could say that could get you to speak. Your hatred for HYDRA didn’t mean you suddenly liked the Avengers. If anything, they were part of the problem too, so you stay silent.

“Told you, she’s not gonna talk,” Tony quips. From your research, you had come to learn that he was an arrogant man, and his statement only proved you right. “Maybe you should get Manchurian Candidate to come down, give her an ex-HYDRA buddy,” he says sarcastically.

Upon hearing “ex-HYDRA buddy,” you furrow your brows. Maybe it was the lack of blood in your body, but it took you a second to process his words and understand who he was referring to. Your eyes dart back to look at Steve’s but he’s gone.

“I’ll be back.” His voice trails off as he exits the room.

You’re still staring at the ceiling when you hear footsteps return and then several others departing.

There’s only one other person in the room beside you. Without even looking up, you already know who it is. His breathing was slow and steady until you started to shift in bed to reposition yourself. His breath hitched for a moment, before returning back to his normal breathing pattern.

“Killing him isn’t gonna make you feel better.” His comment makes you roll your eyes as you slowly sit up to look at him. There were no logical thoughts in your head, all you could feel was pain and fury. Anger swelled within you, your emotions boiling over.

“That’s rich, coming from the Fist of HYDRA,” you spat out. As soon as the words left your mouth, you felt your stomach drop. It was an unfamiliar feeling, one you hadn’t felt in a while. What was it? Regret?

Bucky’s face fell but he kept his eyes on you. It was a look that made you feel worse, worse than the searing pain in your side.

“I’m not a killer anymore,” he said in a tone so gentle, you felt another strange, new emotion but couldn’t quite label it. You quickly shift gears to avoid addressing the uncomfortable feelings swirling around in your stomach.

“Are you keeping me hostage to lure Viktor in? Because it's not going to work." Bucky shook his head.

"We want..." he trailed off, causing you to tilt your head in curiosity. “We need your help finding him.” You scoffed.

“What do I get out of it?” Bucky’s silence gave you your answer. Shaking your head, you start to disconnect yourself from the multitude of wires attached to you and get out of bed.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself,” he started, as you threw off your blanket and sat on the edge of the bed.

Standing up quickly, the blood from your head pooled in your legs, causing you to feel dizzy. Your head spun and your arms reached out for something, anything stable to grab onto. It was a metal hand. Despite it being cool to the touch, it ignited a heat to rise to your cheeks. You look down and mumble a thank you as Bucky helps you back into bed.

Letting out a sigh, you realize with the condition you’re in, you can’t leave. Definitely not well enough to go after Viktor alone. Shutting your eyes and pinching the bridge of your nose, you curse under your breath.

“Fine,” you finally speak, keeping your eyes closed. Bucky nods, even though you don’t see, and you hear him walk off.

After a couple days of rest, you were cleared by Bruce to get discharged. Viktor had gone deep in hiding, making your job to find him a lot harder. Tony had so graciously given you an extra room in the tower, right next to Bucky’s. He was probably the one person you saw the most, purely due to location, and the fact that everyone else cautiously kept their distance from you. It made sense though, since you rarely spoke to anyone and spent most of your time in the lab looking for any clues of Viktor’s location. When you weren’t searching for him, you were training in the gym. Bucky was there a lot too, both of you waking up at ungodly hours of the morning. No words were ever exchanged between the two of you, and yet, there was some level of comfort you felt being around him. Must’ve been an ex-HYDRA thing.

“What’s on your mind?” You walk over to Alex and sit on the edge of the bed next to him. He sighs.

“What if,” he starts, furrowing his brows. “What if freedom is good?” He speaks quietly, fearful of HYDRA listening in on your conversation.

It feels like you’ve got the wind knocked out of you.

“Alex,” you grab him by the shoulders. “What the hell are you talking about?” You’re searching his eyes, trying to understand what’s gotten into him.

“Captain America.” The biggest threat to HYDRA’s existence. He looks down at his hands. “He was willing to risk his life for it. It has to be worth something right?” Alex looks back up to you with a look in his eyes that you haven’t seen since you were children. Uncertainty. You sigh and pull him into your chest, stroking his hair.

“I don’t know, kiddo. Maybe.”

You wake up in a cold sweat, panting. Hot tears fall from the corners of your eyes. It’s the same dream you’ve had for the last week. Although, you wouldn’t consider it a dream necessarily, but it wasn’t a nightmare either. Just a bittersweet memory.

Bucky could tell that something was up with you for the past week. Despite having gone through a bit of therapy, Steve’s idea, the nightmares still came to him. So Bucky was already wide awake when he heard your weeping on the other side of the wall. It didn’t help that he was also a light sleeper with super-soldier hearing. He didn’t know what was causing you to be so upset, but he didn’t want to intrude and ask. Neither of you had spoken to the other since you first arrived.

But this night was different from the rest. Usually, you would flip endlessly through channels on ur TV until you eventually fell asleep, but it wasn’t working this time. There’s a tight pain in your chest and suddenly, you’re suffocating. You rip off your covers and spring out of bed, tripping on your blankets along the way. At this point, you don’t even register the pain of slamming down, face-first on the ground. Panic has taken over your body, tears now streaming down your face. You squeeze your eyes shut, hoping for relief.

He wasn’t planning on doing anything until he heard a loud thud from your room. Immediately, Bucky gets up and arrives at your door. It’s rude to just barge into someone’s room, his mom taught him that from a young age, so he settles on knocking. You don’t hear it though, the only sound you hear is the sound of your rapid breathing as you hyperventilate. Bucky hears it too and ultimately decides on inviting himself into your room.

“Y/N?”

You’re lying on your side, curled up in a fetal position with your hands covering your face, when Bucky opens the door. He quickly arrives by your side, kneeling beside you, as he examines you for any injuries.

“Are you hurt?”

You manage to shake your head in response, anxiety still flowing through your veins. Unfortunately, Bucky’s familiar with panic attacks, having had them himself. But he also knows that everyone deals with them a bit differently. Guess he did manage to learn some useful things from therapy.

“Can you try breathing with me?”

He starts to take deep breaths in and out until he sees you start to follow along with him, your hands still covering your face. There’s a part of you that feels stupid for keeping them there, but they help ground you, so you continue to shield your face. After what feels like an hour, but was probably only 10 minutes, your panic subsides. That’s when a wave of embarrassment hits you, realizing that it had been Bucky with you during your panic attack.

Slowly removing your hands from your face, you’re greeted by piercing blue eyes. You blink a couple times, realizing that Bucky had taken a spot on the ground, lying on his side to face you, his hands pressed together under his head like a pillow. He smiles and you feel warm. It’s terrifying, the new feelings that Bucky has caused you to feel and yet, you don’t mind.

“You feelin’ better?” You nod and smile back, something you haven’t genuinely done in a while.

“Thank you, Bucky.”

You stare at each other in silence, lying side by side. There’s no physical touch involved but somehow, this moment, it feels intimate. Bucky breaks the silence.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” He speaks in a voice so soft, it almost sounded like a whisper.

It might’ve been the fact that he just calmed you down from a panic attack, but as you looked into his eyes, you felt the walls you had built up for the last year slowly come crashing down.

“He killed my brother,” you reply, maintaining your eyes on Bucky. You searched his eyes for any fear or pity, but all you could find was a look of understanding. His eyes were starting to become a safe place for you.

“Alex was there when Steve took down S.H.I.E.L.D., HYDRA along with it. He wanted out, out of the organization.” Taking a deep breath, you continue. “Word got around about a “rat,” so I took the blame. Viktor was about to shoot me when Alex’s dumbass ran in front of me, sacrificing himself.” You let out a chuckle, your vision getting blurry as tears swelled in your eyes. “He was a goddamn idiot, but he also had a heart of gold.”

As you start to cry, Bucky hesitatingly extends an arm to hover over your body, trying to gauge your reaction. Physical touch was something he struggled with during the beginning of his recovery, and he didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable. He’s reassured when you grab onto his shirt and pull yourself closer to him, and wraps an arm around you, his other hand softly stroking your head.

You hadn’t cried like this since Alex died, bottling up all of your emotions to focus on finding the man responsible for his death. But as you sobbed into Bucky’s chest, you realize that your love for Alex had transformed into an ugly, burning hatred for Viktor. He wouldn’t want this. You didn’t want it, at least, not anymore. The only thing you wanted was your brother back, and that was impossible.

Bucky held you in his arms until you fell asleep, listening to the sounds of your slow, rhythmic breathing, dozing off shortly after.

That night with Bucky had softened your cold, hard exterior that you initially presented yourself with. You would willingly spar with Nat in the training room and join the team for breakfast or dinner. Everyone noticed and, while at first thrown off by it, happily embraced it. Especially Bucky.

Initially, he got up to work out in the early hours of the morning as a habit. Now, he woke up to see you. His heart did flips in his chest every time he walked in the gym and saw you. Since that night, you started to acknowledge his presence, turning to smile and wave as he walked through the doors. It was something he looked forward to every day.

During the day, you were focused hard on tracking down Viktor and Bucky knew that. But he also knew he wanted to spend more time with you. He looked for reasons to enter the lab, whether it was offering snacks to you throughout the day or helping Bruce or, even Tony. Anything to see you again.

Bucky realized that there was a deeper, stronger emotion that he felt for you when he would wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare. The first thing he thought about was you. Specifically, how you were the only thing that could possibly calm him down. Although he’d come in that night to help you with your panic attack, you ended up helping him as well. He hadn’t slept as soundly and peacefully as he did with you. And you hadn’t either. There were several nights when neither of you could sleep and ended up running into each other. It slowly became a routine that would begin in the kitchen, exchanging life stories, and end on the couch in the common area, entangled in each other’s arms.

Tonight you didn’t show up and Bucky panicked. He stared at the kitchen clock. It had been 20 minutes and you still hadn’t shown up. Bucky racked his brain for anything he could’ve done to scare you off, but came up with nothing. It wasn’t like you two had been officially together, Bucky had no idea what you were to each other. All he knew is that he wanted to be with you, always.

You were soundly asleep in bed, passing out as soon as your head hit the pillow. It was a particularly physically exhausting day for you, training with both Nat and Steve.

Bucky was so caught up with the thoughts racing through his head, he hadn’t noticed that his feet had taken him right to your door. He stands there for a moment, silently debating what to do. Grumbling under his breath, he musters up the courage to knock on your door. Right as he was about to turn away and shuffle off to his room, your door opens. You greet him with a yawn and a tired smile.

“Oh, hey Bucky.”

He looks at the bags under your eyes and feels instant regret wash over him, realizing that you weren’t avoiding him, but just getting some sleep.

“Sorry,” he looks down at his feet. You frown and place a hand on his cheek to lift his head up.

“Something wrong?” He avoids your gaze, partially because he’s embarrassed and partially because his cheeks were turning red because of your touch.

“No.” You cross your arms and let out a sigh.

“You’re a bad liar.” It’s his turn to sigh, as he scratches the back of his head.

“You didn’t come to the kitchen,” he lets out, in almost a whisper. It hits you. You were so tired, you had completely forgotten about your nightly tradition. “It’s stupid, sorry. I shouldn’t have woken you up," he mumbles. Bucky begins to walk off but you grab his hand. When he turns to look at you, his brows are raised at your touch.

As you start to speak, you pull him close, facing you. “It’s not stupid.” His hands move to hold your waist as yours move to wrap around his neck. You pause, an idea popping into your head. “I’m kind of tired from training today, wanna just come sleep with me?” He nods and you drag him to your bed, nestling into his arms as he holds you to his chest, his chin resting above your head. You tilt your head back to see him looking down at you. There’s a fluttering feeling in your chest and you smile.

“Just for future reference, you have an open invitation to cuddle with me, anytime.” Bucky chuckles at your offer.

“I’ll keep that in mind, doll.”

Bucky cups your face in his hand and you nuzzle your cheek in his palm. His eyes dart down to your lips before returning to your eyes.

Then, the most delicate, sweetest kiss you’ve ever received is on your lips.

You flutter your eyes open as you both pull apart. He quickly kisses your nose before pulling you back into his chest, speaking softly.

“And you have an open invitation to kiss me, anytime.”

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