#actually this could be one of the many fun uses of kyoka suigetsu

[bleachcracklist]

Captains grocery shopping in the human world (toilet paper edition)

It has came to captain´s attention that toilet paper has became a very important item in the human world. So here is how each one of them handle this situation.

Also this is to make fun of the toilet paper meme that has been going on now. Why does people feel the needs to panic buy so much toilet paper?

Yamamoto

He would hit people who are fighting and tell them not to panic buy, then get angry at them.

Sasakime: Sir, how were you able to buy toilet paper?

Yamamoto: I used my zanpakuto.

Sasakime: Did you burn them?

Yamamoto: No, I hit them

SoiFon

While everyone is in the middle of a battle for the last bag of toilet paper, Soifon is too fast for regular humans. So she activates Shunko in the middle of the supermarket, destroying parts of the property.

Omaeda: Captain… you just destroyed 3 shelves.

Soifon: You´ll pay for the repairs. Right?

Omaeda: …

Omaeda: Yes, Captain, but please don’t hurt me.

Yoruichi

She would enter the shop naked to distract the people then get the toilet paper, but her plan backfired when she got arrested for nudity.

Urahara: Yoruichi-san, did you get the toilet paper?

Cat Yoruichi: Nope, sorry, just escaped prison.

Urahara: What did you do?

Cat Yoruichi: My plan was to go in there naked, but apparently it’s illegal to walk around naked.

Gin

He would do anything for Rangiku, even if it means losing his life in the process. He fights bravely for the last bag of toilet paper.

Gin: Izuru-kun, please get this to Ran-chan, I’m counting on ya.

Kira: CAPTAIN! Please don’t die!

Rose

He’s quite indifferent about this entire shopping for the toilet paper thing, why bother when he can just stay in his office reading manga. And when he needs something he could just take them from Kensei.

Kira: Captain, shouldn’t you go shopping?

Rose: It’s fine, there is no need.

Kira: ...

Unohana

She tries not to use her bloodthirst side too much so she tries to stop the fight in a friendly way, but when the people don’t listen to her, she uses her intimidating smile. They all parted away.

Unohana: Hanataro, why were they so scared when I told them to stop fighting?

Hanataro: I-I am not sure Captain.

Unohana: Oh well, at least we got some toilet paper.

Isane

She would be too scared to get close to the people fighting. So she'd wait until everyone calmed down.

Kiyone: Why didn’t you get anything sis?

Isane: There were so many people fighting and I was afraid. When they left, there was no more toilet paper left…

Kiyone: ...

Kiyone: You’re not going shopping next time.

Aizen

Aizen wouldn’t bother with the actual shopping, he uses his zanpakuto to trick people into believing that there is no toilet paper left.

Aizen: Shatter Kyoka Suigetsu!

Aizen: Minions, go get them all.

Aizen: This is all according to my perfect plan.

Shinji

Gets distracted by all the young women in the supermarket and he tries to flirt with them all.

Momo: Captain Hirako, care to explain why you came back empty-handed?

Shinji: …

Momo: You got distracted and started calling everyone your first love, didn’t you?

Shinji: Maybe?

Momo: Captain! You need to stop doing that!

Byakuya

Byakuya is so rich, that he wouldn’t even bother with going shopping himself. He would send his servants to the world of living to do those peasants errands.  

Renji: Captain, why didn’t you go shopping like everyone is doing now?

Byakuya: There is no need for me to personally do such activities such as shopping.

Komamura

He wouldn’t be allowed in the shop… need I say more?

Officer: Sir, please you need to take off your um… fursuit before entering the shop.

Komamura: What are you talking about? This is not a fursuit…

Officer: ...

Iba

Gives his all in the fight, but when he is about to grab the bag, Nanao grabs it. So they start a fight, in the end, someone else got it and they both lose.

Iba: This toilet paper is finally mine!

Nanao: Not so fast, this belongs to me, Captain Iba.

Iba: What are you talking about? I touched it first.

Nanao: You are delusional.

Kyoraku

He isn't interested in toilet paper so he goes to the alcohol section instead, leaving the actual shopping to Nanao.

Nanao: Captain, stay away from the alcohol, we came here to buy food, not sake.

Kyoraku: Nanao-chan, don't be mean!

Nanao: Sir, you are the head captain now, you should learn how to behave.

Lisa

She wouldn’t bother buying toilet paper as the only thing she wants are those questionable magazines.

Hiyori: What the hell are you doing? Shouldn't you be shopping?

Lisa: Who needs toilet paper when I can get all this magazine?

Tosen

Since Tosen really care about justice, when he entered the supermarket the only thing he thought to do was to start a monologue about justice, no one is listening to him as they are all too busy fighting for that last bag of toilet paper.

Hisagi: um… Captain?

Tosen: What is it Hisagi?

Hisagi: Captain… nobody was listening…

Tosen: The path to justice...

Kensei

Kensei being quite aggressive in battle doesn't really care about the outcome, as long as he got what he wanted.

Mashiro: Ohh, I see that you got the toilet paper.

Mashiro: How did you get it?

Mashiro: Did you just send the other people flying?

Mashiro: Come on tell me!

Kensei: Shut up!

Isshin

Just being his goofy self, when people saw him cry to the picture of his wife they took pity on him.

Isshin: MASAKI, I'M ABOUT TO SACRIFICE MYSELF FOR OUR CHILDREN.

Isshin: WE WILL SEE EACH OTHER SOON.

Isshin: I’M SORRY, MY CHILDREN, I CAN'T BE HERE FOR YOU ANYMORE.

Ichigo: I don't know him, I swear.

Hitsugaya

Hitsugaya is tired of being always shoved to the side by the people twice his size. He uses his bankai to grow up a bit.

Hitsugaya: There Matsumoto, the stuff you asked for.

Rangiku: You were even able to get toilet paper?

Rangiku: How? The last time I went there, people were fighting for it.

Hitsugaya: I have my ways. Now go back to work.

Rangiku: Captain… you used your bankai, didn't you?

Hitsugaya: ...

Kenpachi

He would join the fight, because let's admit it, there is no way he will back away from a fight. And so... he forgets his original objective.

Kenpachi: Is that a fight?

Yumichika: It is, but we didn't came today to fight, we need to buy toilet paper.

Yumichika: Captain?

Ikkaku: He didn't hear you. He's already fighting them.

Ikkaku: We need to stop him before he kills those humans.

Urahara

After Yoruichi´s failed attempt to get toilet paper, Urahara thought it was better to send his clones to do the dirty work.

Jinta: Oh my god, how the hell did you get this much stuff in just one shopping trip?

Urahara: I used myself.

Jinta: What?

Urahara: It's nothing.

Mayuri

He tends to have a lot of illegal drugs, and nobody is willing to test them for him, so he thought the human world is the best place to put those drugs in action.

Mayuri: Nemu! Paralyse them.

Nemu: Yes, master Mayuri.

Ukitake

Ukitake would want to go to the human world but couldn't, because he is sick and has to stay in his room instead.

Sentaro: Captain, please, you have to stay put.

Ukitake: But I need to get some new candy for Shiro-chan.

Sentaro: Please don't make me call Captain Unohana.

Ukitake: ...

Ukitake: On second thought, I will stay in my room.

Rukia

Rukia being a bit more familiar with the human world thanks to her constant visits, she learns not to make a huge scene like the rest of the captains. She often watch videos from the human world and she learns how humans fight for toilet paper.

Ichigo: Is she... pulling on that other woman's hair?

Renji: Yeah…

Ichigo: Why is she doing that?

Renji: Well she thought that's the way human fights.

Ichigo: We need to stop her…

Renji: Nah… She will be fine.

[bayern-moni]

Pair Questions part 1/2 featuring Gin and Aizen

This time no ship intended, but it will be rectified in another post. Enjoy ~

Who steals the covers at night?

Gin. He's a cold blooded creature, literally and metaphorically. His skin always feels too cold not to bury himself in the covers for all the span of that goddamned season. He doesn't care if his claim on the covers leaves his unfortunate bedmate damned to a frosty fate all night, nor does he have problems to brutally kick out of bed whoever tried to make fun of him by putting a cold foot in the vicinity of his own. He is selfish like that and doesn't know remorse. Or maybe, he could feel sorry if that other person were the cute Izuru-chan (but then his most sadistic part would revel in the wait until his too respectful Lieutenant'd overcome his qualms and actually start to fight for the covers) or he could decide to suffer himself the cold and leave the blanket to Rangiku like he did when they lived in that shack as kids, but if that other person happened to be Aizen, then he'd have absolutely no qualms about it. The dark-haired shinigami could and would die of frostbite before Gin actually accepted to give up that pleasurable warmth. After all, the wannabe god is too superior to actually lower himself to start a pillow fight to get it or start listing actual reasons why he had a greater right than his second (stressing that word too much for his taste) to be covered by the blanket, wasn't he?

But ... was he?

Who cooks normally?

Aizen. There'd be a cold day in hell before he let this change. It took him too many years to get his little Lieutenant to understand the difference between 'survival food' and 'actual food' to afford now to have him fall back into his old habits. And the Rei-o knows what he'd do If he decided to purposely mess with the first kind of food to get a good laugh at Aizen's horrified face. Again. How could he forget that time when, during the first days of his training under Aizen's tutelage, Gin decided to thank him for his supposed generosity with a 'sumptuous lunch' (his words)? Go trust that little hellchild. Aizen's stomach wanted to vomit only at the memory of it. When the pest put the plate full of mice and insects, "killed just for the occasion" said proudly the child, in front of him he was torn between the the strong impulse to throw up and the need to examine closely Gin's body language to discern if he sincerely believed that was a satysfing meal or if he just exploited his Rukongai upbringing to make him suffer. Probably the latter.

... And those awful dried persimmons...

When he looked at the genuinely expecting and just a tad mischievous look the kid was giving him, he understood it was a balanced mix of the two. Right then, he decided two things:

Gin would never be allowed to get close to his kitchen again without a real, convincing and absolutely necessary life-or-death reason;

He had to take the problem in his own hands because: first, no way that the future king of the three worlds will ever eat something like that, ever, and, secondly, it was his duty to bring that too scrawny and bony hellion to health.

He could not have his future second in command be weak or die because of the consequences of starvation before he could make himself useful to him. It was a pragmatic matter. Regardless of all the times that moron of Hirako made fun of his attempts because "aren't you too old to play family, Sousuke-kun?" or "did you really adopt the kid, don't you? How 'cute'!". It was just that. But then he continued to encourage Gin's insatiable appetite until he was satisfied with his now not dangerous weight and even found that he really liked cooking for both of them, it was a relaxing hobby for his abused patience. Kaname's recipes and passion for cooking helped, too.

Nickname for each other?

Hellion. Wanna-be-God. Reptilian calamity. Overdramatic narcissist. And so on. Not very difficult saying who's what.

What would they get each other for gift?

Kamishini no Yari's poison A guide on "how to survive your obsessed fangirls and still look cool". A set of dried sweet potatoes to thank him for the time Gin raided his fridge of all its contents and filled it with 12 kilos of hard-boiled eggs. How he managed to put them there without making the fridge explode was beyond him, but still. He'd be sure to make Gin pay for it.

What would they do if the other one was hurt?

It depends. On what, you'd ask. It's quite simple. It depends on who is responsible for the other's wound/hurt. If it were each other, then they'd be perfectly cool with it and not bother too much for it, just plot a gruesome revenge (the other isn't so weak and unproud to make a big deal out of something so trivial like hurt, isn't he? And if they were, it'd mean that they're not worth of the other's attention like they believed). If the culprit were not one of them, though, that person would probably be eviscerated or severally maimed before they could even complete the thought "I did it!". Because only they had the right (and the power) to wound or kill the other. None of them would ever let someone else in the way of this challenge between them.

Who remember things?

Both. They have entire metaphorical archives full of blackmailing material in organized folders against each other, carefully collected for more than 109 years. Aizen-taicho hates boiled eggs, Gin felt betrayed by sweet potatoes, Aizen would never go out without having checked the exact angle of his hair lock at least twice at minute, Gin becomes skittish every time Matsumoto or that bratty Lieutenant of his come in the picture, Aizen secretly fears Hinamori's obsession with him, etc...

They both made a mental note to remember that each of these things could be useful, sooner or later.

Their thoughts on the whole Fangirl and ships topic?

Disturbing. Fascinating and distur - Hinamori! For the umpteenth time, I'm fine and no, I don't need anything. You did a great job and you can go now! - bing.

Who cusses more?

Surprisingly enough, Aizen. Actually, Gin is the one that cusses frequently, steadily and on daily basis, but only for the fun of annoying Izuru's, Aizen's and Kuchiki-taicho's noble sensibility. But when he's in that mood that makes other people cuss, he'll communicate it with icy glares, a sharper edged grin or a overall crueler behavior. On the other hand, Aizen is the one that pledges himself as above things like annoyance, rage and (especially) a "crude language so beneath my godlike status caused by irrelevant emotions like irritation", as Gin decided to put it to make fun of him. But when he's really pissed like when Urahara doesn't take action, ruins his plans or Gin writes obscene kanjis on the board during his calligraphy lessons, he'll lose all control on his legendary composure and start cussing like a sailor. Hopefully, Kyoka Suigetsu prevents people from noticing it.

How often do they fight?

As a serious fight? Once every hundred and nine years, but it's "until death do us part". As just a way to kill time? Very very often, but it's never beyond a good deal of verbal jabs. You could almost consider it as their own fond way of saying hi to each other.

Are there any foods that make their stomach upset?

For Gin, no, there aren't. At least, Aizen has been conducting a research on the topic since the infamous lunch with still no result worth of notice. Ichimaru hates some foods, doesn't like others, but, by now, his stomach's completely anesthetized even to Rangiku's cooking after being subjected to it for so many years. And that's saying something, as far as Aizen is concerned. Not that he meant to imply anything about Matsumoto's cooking abilities, of course. Overall, he'd gulp down anything if needed.

Aizen instead is very picky about his food. He's a perfectionist here, like in every other aspect of his life. There's nothing able to upset his stomach, though. And even if there was, he'd never tell a soul. Ever. Gin had not to be encouraged to do anything stupid against him, no matter what.

Who's the most irritable during an hungover?

Gin. Aizen doesn't drink anything but his beloved tea and the occasional sip of fine wine. But Gin during an hungover is something Aizen wouldn't wish on anyone, not even Yamamoto or the Rei-o. A hissy, horribly-moody, vengeful cat you just woke by stepping on its tail is a cutie puppy in comparison to him. Really, it happened once and Aizen swore Gin should never end up with nothing more alcoholic than a glass of water, never again, for his own sanity's sake. Fortunately, Gin found that if he ate a dried persimmon after the drink he shared with his dear Rangiku, he couldn't get hungover. Still to this day, Aizen wasn't entirely convinced of the scientific accuracy of this theory, but given that it didn't happen anymore, he was willing to give him credit for it.

Have they ever tried to ruin the other's dates?

Life in Soul Society is particularly monotonous. This is a fact everyone agreed with and what's at the core of the matter. So, yes, they did, but only when paperwork became so painstakingly boring that it could be seen as something funny to do. Particularly, Aizen loved calling secret meetings between himself, Kaname and Gin as soon as he knew, because he did know, that Gin was in the middle of an especially good moment during a date with Rangiku (or even during a friendly walk with that Kira) just because Aizen could. On the other hand, Gin loved making fun of Aizen's utterly missing and more-dead-than-Omaeda's love life, despite the fact that half of shinigami and the recruits desired him and the other half either belonged to Byakuya fanclub or were just lying to themselves. So, he did not so much ruin Aizen's dates as he did try to set him up with absurd dates with psychotic and obsessed fangirls and fanboys that always left Aizen baffled at how much he had underestimated people' crazyness. An "I care about your love life, taicho, I try to find a good date for you because we can't have you become an old grumpy overlord with a dog as your only company at night, can we?" my ass. Bratty moron.

[mysticgalaxychaos]

"In depth" analysis (commentary) on Mcs vs Yaha dialogue (part 3, finale)

It's finally over! You can now resume scrolling on your dashboard in peace!

*Bonus. Another weird quote by our friend when the Mc dies in battle. Don't fully understand it, but kinda relieved his "beauty" is his sin... Thinking about again though, he does call his ability to feel sexual pleasure his "luster" so we don't know what "beauty" could be a eufemism for...

Can we all take a moment to appreciate how FRIGGIN GORGEOUS Yaha looks here???????? Like I know he's dying, and bleeding, but he just looks so cute! Actually Yaha always looks cute but this one looks extra nice

This is actually a very sad moment. Poor guy's dying and here we see what Yaha thinks of himself. He recognises he has changed and that he was "damaged". I guess loosing his ability to feel **SeXuAl** **PlEaSuRe** was really dertrimental to his personality. I mean that kinda thing really changes someone, you know!

What can I say... They tried, they really did. They tried to make this sad with him calling himself broken and everything. And it would have all been fine and honestly, pretty sad if it wasn't about LOSING YOUR ABILITY TO FEEL SEXUAL PLEASURE!!!!! That was your "luster"????? Like... What?? Is there something I'm missing??

To be real, we have lots of evidence and we do hear later on from Urick that Yaha was changed a lot by this pact deal. I can't imagine exactly why and the context isn't super helpful, but the best explanation I could come up with was that his ability to seduce anyone he wanted coupled with his inability to feel pleasure when actually engaging with said people might have made him desperate or left him feeling deprived. It's kinda contradictory. You are given the ability to do something you (presumably) really enjoy, with whoever you want without any limitations but you are never allowed to enjoy it again. I guess that's what made him so weird about everything

This line legit upsets me, not only because of how bad I feel for Yaha, but mostly because of Urick's reaction. You'll see it right bellow so all I'm gonna say regarding Urick is that it's usually the person who lives who says "I'll never forget you"...

Can we all just admire the amount of love and dedication Yaha has to and for Urick? If you really think about it, he's had a crush on him since they were young, he held onto that for so long, he got rejected, he sacrificed a part of himself (yeah, I've been making fun of that, but truth is that it was), he suffered because of it, he changed, according to his own words he "was damaged" by this, he has seemingly received nothing from Urick apart from semi harsh kinda aggressive comments and even after all of this, all he has to say was that he's happy he can see him again. He just holds nothing against him... Now I'm not saying he's been the best person to Urick (after all there has to be a reason he's so cold towards him), but even in his last moments he still expresses his love... Of course you could argue that this isn't realistic and that it is probably very unhealthy and obsessive, but I really do find this very heartwarming

*Rip cute baby elf*:'(

This scene and Urick's reaction reminded me a lot of Rei during Yuda's death in Hokuto no Ken. I found it so funny how Yuda was there dying, confessing his love, pouring out all of his feelings and Rei just stood there kinda... Not reacting at all. The difference being, In Hokuto no Ken, Yuda had pretty much ruined Rei's life and even then, Rei seemed pretty upset by his death when he actually died. Here we have two people who were friends from childhood, who for some reason (probably less serious than murdering your parents and kidnapping your sister) fell apart. And after the heartfelt things Yaha said, THIS is what Urick has to say!!!

"Well, I know you devoted your life to me and have been in love with me since forever and I also know you sacrificed a part of yourself to be with me, but... Ugh... You shouldn't have made that pact deal, huge turn off"

What the hell, Urick???!! As much as I like you, this is an awful way to respond to your friend's death! He didn't even touch him or hug him or something! Come on! The guy's dead! You can at least show him some love now! This is such a cold response and it's even worse since it's coming from Urick who's normally so friendly... It does makes things supper complicated too. So far we've had a pretty consistent narrative of what transpired (or might have) between Yaha and Urick and here come these final scenes to just completely contradict everything! But we get the one piece of info; the fact that it was the pact deal that ruined the relationship.

1000000 iq

NOWE!!!! HAVEN'T YOU BEEN PAYING ATTENTION TO ANYTHING YAHA WAS SAYING???

That's were we get direct confirmation that Yaha changed, probably after the pact deal. Also we learn it was that change the ruined the relationship. But here's the weird thing, people change, what could have possibly happened that was so different to drive Urick so cold?

WHAT??? WHAT? WHAT? WAT??? WHAT??

This line just shatters my kyoka suigetsu! I just don't know what to say! If we take this as true, the game has just retconed everything it's told us! Either that, or Urick has just NO IDEA what was going on all these years AND payed 0 attention to what Yaha told him during the fight! Or, Urick is lying because his ex, Yaha borderline exposed their relationship and he is just so much in denial about his sexuality that he doesn't want anyone to even think he could be gay

But srsly WHAT THE HELL??? Urick! Yaha didn't want to "make a name for himself in the knights"!!! He wanted YOU! How do you not know this! This just changes so many things! Their relationship goes from "ex friends with something extra happening in between that was maybe not entirely liked by both" to "man completely oblivious to best friend's feelings even after he literally confesses them". Now this is possible, since Yaha did ask Urick if he knew about his feelings for him. It is also possible that this entire time we had (which we did) Yaha's version of events with Urick not knowing any of this, but this begs the question, if Urick didn't knew up until now, why isn't he reacting differently to Yaha's death. If I had just learned my former best friend was in love with me, I wouldn't be sitting there looking at him die. Also if that was the case, what was it that drove them apart if not Yaha's attempt to get with Urick? Could it be that he was just too preoccupied with sex from that point on? But then why is Urick so mean and cold? This doesn't seem like it was just them drifting apart, something big happened to get Urick to this point.

More than anything, this line doesn't match up with any previous information we know...

"Um... Yeah Nowe, Yaha just... Wanted to be popular within the nights! All of that stuff you heard... That was nothing! Nothing at all! He's just... Well... What? Why I hate him? I hate him because... Uh... He's just... Too... Well that's not important, but it DEFINITELY isn't because he started fucking everybody! DEFINITELY NOT!"

Bonus: this is the single BEST piece of trivia I have ever seen about a character, EVER!

So this thing is over! Are you supper happy about it? I bet you are! Anyway now I'm just gonna go ahead and link the videos I used for these screenshots and... Idk bye!