#actually taking a moment to let myself cry feels amazing

[littlegreenwyvy]

A lot of the more 'drastic' effects that I got within the first few months of HRT have mostly subsided.

But one thing that seems to be 'staying' is that I can giggle myself into a laughing-fit the likes of which I and my friends have never seen. "Are you laughing or crying?" is a phrase I hear at least once a week, and which goes unanswered for a good several minutes before I'm able to regain my composure (the answer typically being 'both' by that point).

Being happy is cool :>

[p1utofairy]

PAC: “i just wanna be your favorite…” ⭐️🎀💍

• which fictional characters is your person most like?

disclaimer ✩: 18+ mature themes. take what resonates, leave what doesn't. i also just wanna say thank y'all from the bottom of my heart for the support <3 it means so much to me. enjoy!

pile 1 💸 —

"i can't wait 'til i get you on the floor, good-looking. hey, going hot, so hot, just like an oven. and ow! burned myself, i just had to touch it. but it's so fire, and it's all mine."

hiii pile 1! let me start off by saying your person is one fineeee m'fer! they look straight out of an old hollywood movie. suit & tie by justin timberlake ft. jay z won't stop playing in my head lol, their vibe is literally that song. they're gonna love taking you out to fun events and showing you off to people hehe i heard "trophy wife." this isn't in a superficial way by any means, they just really love how you look and how bright your personality shines. you have a mesmerizing appearance and an extraordinary personality to match. i feel like your eyes or their eyes is another main focus that will garner lots of compliments. ok, wow. back to the topic at hand! the characters i channeled were jay gatsby from ‘the great gatsby’, lon hammond from ‘the notebook’, and napoleon solo from ‘the man from U.N.C.L.E.’ now of course your person may not exactly look like these characters but the ✨vibes✨ are very much there. you're gonna have the time of your life with this person lol they are so damn fun and charismatic. i can hear them teasing you and and saying "don't be a brat, baby." with a sly smirk on their face LOL they're gonna make you feel so tingly and giddy inside ahhh. i feel like it was hard for them to settle down before you came into their life pile 1. they wanted to have their cake and eat it too. i mean this person could honestly have whatever they want, but you actually make them work for this relationship and they're not used to that. people (romantically and platonically) just fall for them at the drop of a dime because they are just so damn sexy, and it doesn't help that they're good with their words and actions. i just heard smooth operator by sade and ego by beyoncé at the same time lol this person is seriously a charmer! they can't help it though, they just love to socialize and have a good time. on the flip side, this sometimes weighs them down. the constant attention and socializing can make them feel overwhelmed at times. i'm thinking of ‘the great gatsby’ when jay kept throwing elaborate parties and inviting thousands of people to attend them, so that he could eventually catch daisy's attention. i'm hearing "when you're happy, they're happy!" random thought, but for some of you…your person could be from the UK/have a thick british accent. i also feel like your person is funny af, they've got jokes for dayssssss. they honestly take nothing serious…like if either of you had a bad day at work or just in general, TRUST that they will find a way to turn it around. like it'll actually amaze you how they just go through life vibing and you'll just be like how??? and i can hear them saying "i don't know, babe. i just got it like that." lol they're so cocky (but in an annoyingly hot way) you will never be able to stay mad at them. like if you were being petty and giving them the silent treatment for whatever reason…i can see you getting ready and they'd come up all close behind you, arms around your waist, kissing your neck and they'd be like "you still mad at me, baby?" and your brain would literally malfunction like €|>~€\€,\!|!]€]€YESNOYESNO.!:!,&:’ i'm crying this is hilarious. never a dull moment with them, pile 1. i'm telling ya!

other channeled messages:

theme from new york, new york by frank sinatra, gene kelly, tuxedo, her way by partynextdoor, sophisticated, expensive cologne, j'adore dior, pearly white teeth, cartier watch, swarovski crystals, meet me on the dance floor, babydoll by mariah carey, british, sprinter by dave & central cee, love island, damson idris, i'll make it happen, ballin’ by partynextdoor, diamonds are a girl's best friend

pile 2 💣 —

“who wants that perfect love story anyway, anyway. cliché, cliché, cliché, cliché. who wants that hero love that saves the day, anyway cliché, cliché, cliché, cliché.”

okayyyy pile 2, i see y'all with the bonnie and clyde vibes! let's buckle down and get serious though. i already feel like your person is very misunderstood. they might've had a rough childhood growing up or possibly struggled with connecting to their family. they feel like they fuck things up? they kinda think to themselves "why should i even try to be in a relationship, i'm a mess. i mess things up." it's actually sad because i feel like they're a great person (very soft and gentle) and when things go left/don't work out they immediately blame themselves because the blame was always put on them as a child. i'm hearing it's a "trauma response" :( aw pile 2 i feel like crying…your person really takes it on the chin and keeps it pushing. i can see them sitting on porch steps, gazing at the skyline and kinda just shrugging saying "that's just life i guess." they tend to self-sabotage before things even go into motion but before you two meet, they'll be pushed to confront their problems/fears. they have this cool, in-control, idgaf type of vibe on the outside but internally it's the opposite. i'm hearing pretty little fears by 6lack ft. j cole wow pile 2 they'll really have a soft spot for you. the characters i channeled were damon salvatore from ‘the vampire diaries’, luke glanton from ‘the place beyond the pines’ and tyler durden from ‘fight club’ which are some pretty complex personalities whew. your person is a loner by default, they feel like they really can't depend on many people. they've been left out in the cold so many times it's like they had no other choice but to become independent fast. when they meet you, pile 2…you're going to awaken them. i'm hearing j cole's verse in pretty little fears, “i'm loving your light, vulnerable. letting your guard down is honorable. 'specially when the past ain't been that friendly to you, but…there's magic in that.” it's gonna be insane to them how someone like you could display so much love, care and devotion towards them. i can see them keeping a really cute picture of you (or you two together) in their wallet/bag and just staring at it with a small smile on their face. you give them so much hope pile 2. they never knew they were capable of such strong emotions; love, happiness, joy. i can see you two laughing about something…you have this big grin on your face and when you turn your head to look at them, you just see them with a dopey smile on their face and a glint in their eyes just staring at you in awe. and you're just like "what?" but you don't even know how much you really mean to them in that moment. I'M ABOUT TO BURST INTO TEARS PLS I CAN'T. they're not used to anything stable, but you give them hope and anticipation for their future…with you. y'all are going to have to have so many enlightening, deep and forward-thinking conversations. i see them holding your hand and kissing your knuckles, taking random drives at night together while blasting music and going to the movies and talking/debating afterwards about what you hated and what you loved. k i'm crying, bye!

other channeled messages:

west coast by lana del rey, west side, successful relationship, turning tables by adele, cigarettes out the window by tv girl, well my boyfriend's in a band, ultraviolence album, someone like u (interlude) by ariana grande, toxic upbringing, scorpio moon, aries, smoking weed, american psycho, it's a forever thing

pile 3 🐚 —

“every little thing you do got me feeling some type of way. when you gimme that thunder you make my summer rain.”

welcome to your reading pile 3! idk why i wanted to say pile 333 hehe let's take that as a sign that you're about to meet your person soon. your person is so easy-going…like their energy feels so carefree and warm; like a nice summer breeze (i feel like some of you that chose this pile watch/really love the summer i turned pretty) i can see your person adjusting their sunglasses and saying "i'm just happy to be here." they're such a vibe lol. ok and why did i just randomly hear "no you're cute jeans." their sense of humor is so sjhfjdjcjdsn y'all are gonna have a lot of inside jokes together; internet memes especially. that "i'm sorry, i'm just in a silly goofy mood" shemar moore video just popped up in my head LMFAOOOO your person is hilarious pile 3. i channeled johnny storm from ‘fantastic four’, chad meeks-martin from ‘scream vi’, stefan salvatore from ‘the vampire diaries’ and conrad fisher from ‘the summer i turned pretty’ which are all pretty different but i see the vision pile 3…i see the vision. i feel like your person has just gotten back to themselves, because for awhile they weren't this upbeat and silly. i feel like this has to do with a past hurt/betrayal from either a friend or an ex-lover…that person took them for granted and made them feel small. i just randomly heard "katherine pierce" so maybe that person was very sneaky and never had good intentions in the first place. when they're with you though, they feel like a moth drawn to a flame. best friend by 50 cent just came to mind, "if i was your best friend, i want you 'round all the time. (i want you 'round me all the time) girl, i'll be your best friend if you promise you'll be mine (girl, promise you'll be mine)." i see you both posting funny photo dumps of you two together on instagram/instagram stories. i feel like y'all will be a PDA couple, and even if you aren't one of those type of people that likes all that…they're definitely gonna make you so happy that people visibly see the love between the two of you. i can see them kissing the side of your head, you slightly leaning into them…them giving you their hoodie/jacket to wear when you're cold. it's subtle things like that 🥹 so so so cute. you two have a very sacred, beautiful and divinely protected relationship. your person will be very generous with their time, money and love when it comes to you pile 3.

other channeled messages:

there goes my baby by usher, one in a million by ne-yo, connie baby, it's your world i'm just living in it, positions by ariana grande, unlock it by charlie xcx ft. kim petras & jay park, right my side by nicki minaj ft. chris brown, long walks on the beach, forever boy, vintage camera/digital camera, breakin’ my heart (pretty brown eyes) by mint condition, taylor swift, peter parker

pile 4 🌹—

“moment of honesty. someone's gotta take the lead tonight, who's it gonna be? i'm gonna sit right here and tell you all that comes to me. if you have something to say, you should say it right now.”

heyyy pile 4. i'm kinda stunned rn cause your person is sooooooooo captivated by you. like they wanted to skip all the bullshit and get right into it, and honestly…i #respect it. they think you're an absolute badass, you handle tough situations with so much grace. i'm hearing "you're better than me." lol they play no games pile 4, especially when it comes to you! i'm hearing that you've been through a lot, and it hasn't been easy for you to get to the point in your life that you're at now. they just wanna kiss you and make everything better. kiss it better by rihanna just started playing, "kiss it, kiss it, better baby." yeah your person is sensual af pile 4, it's givingggg taurus vibes. this is random af but i feel like they really love your back? if you wear a backless top or a backless dress, they will go absolutely FERAL. like fingers ghosting down your spine, their lips kissing down your neck…and don't get me started on the eye contact. their gaze is INTENSE. i’m hearing lyrics from nobody by selena gomez, "no kiss, no lips, no feel, no rush can keep me high, i swear no one…can love me like you do. can love me like you do, no." the characters i channeled were tobias eaton from ‘divergent’ and anakin skywalker from ‘star wars prequel trilogy’ which is so on brand. those 2 did not play about tris and padmé, ok?! you are their whole world pile 4. if it's not you, they don't want it. they feel so relaxed around you…like they can finally breathe. i can see them standing in a serious stance (obviously tense af) pondering about something and you just come behind them and wrap them in a big bear hug and they just…melt. they finally take that deep breath that they didn't even realize they were holding in for so long. they usually keep their feelings to themselves, but you create such a great safe space for them to be so open, honest and vulnerable; and vice versa. i'm also hearing that they are a very hands-on type of person, so whatever you need done/fixed, they sure as hell will find a way to do it for you. i can also see you two chilling/relaxing together a lot. don't get me wrong this person will always find something for you two to do, but there's something about that downtime (watching a movie while cuddled up with you on the couch, spending time with you and your loved ones/friends or taking a late night drive with you) that makes them think to themselves, "damn i really love life." 😮‍💨 you've got them locked in pile 4. it's so sweet & amazing.

other channeled messages:

1 of 1, peppers by lana del rey ft. tommy genesis, skywalker by miguel ft. travis scott, adore by cashmere cat ft. ariana grande, it's us against the world baby, 90210, pisces, dream guy, sauvage cologne, miss dior, sagittarius rising, virgo's groove by beyoncé, 1:11, best i ever had (remix) by drake & nicki minaj, all i want is you by miguel ft. j cole, bouquet of flowers, tennis bracelet, wild thoughts by dj khaled ft. rihanna & bryson tiller, cpr by summer walker

[emowonz]

°ᡣ𐭩 . ° . 𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑎 . ° . ᡣ𐭩

𝐈𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 － 𝑗𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒𝑠 𝑢𝑟 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑢𝑝 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑟𝑢𝑖𝑛𝑒𝑑 <3

𝑎／𝑛： 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑝𝑖𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑏𝑦 𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑎 𝑏𝑦 𝑑𝑒𝑓𝑡𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑠 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑗𝑜𝑦🤭！

“jake calm down i have somewhere to be baby” you giggled as the taller boy placed little love bites amongst your neck as you were doing your makeup. you and your friends were going to hang out just like old times! but your lovely boyfriend doesn’t want you to leave. you’ve already did your hair and had gotten dressed in a simple white crop top with a cute black mini skirt to match! of course you had to show off your outfit to the world.

“you look so prettyy baby, i want that all to myself you know? you’re all mine” he looked at you through the vanity mirror leaving another hickey on your neck for the world to see. you rolled your eyes at the man as you put your highlighter down and began to do your mascara. jake loved to watch you do your makeup, and even take it off you he loved how focused you where on making it look perfect, even though he thought you looked amazing as could. jake loved when you put your mascara on because it reminds him of all the times he’d fuck you silly leaving your mascara smeared everywhere with your big wet tears leaving your eyes making him relive the moment causing his dick to throb in his pants at the sight of you.

The taller boy began to actually scan your body now that he realized what you are wearing, nipples poking out of your shirt, your black skirt showing your ass once you bend down to get something. such a slut jake thought to himself, you realized he was staring out of space mid conversation. “jake baby are you even listening!!” you rolled your eyes now applying your brown lipliner and lipgloss on. “you’re so pretty baby” jake mumbled against your neck causing your eyes to close as you let out small soft moans. you were so unfocused on what he was doing you didn’t even realize him sneaking his fingers into your skirt toying with your puffy clit.

“ah jake” you whimpered grabbing his wrist tightly as you felt him slip his two digits into your leaking hole. “i have to g-go soon jakey please” you bit your bottom lip panting like a dog in heat. “it’ll be quick baby, your pussy needs me” he spoke the dirtiest words in such a soft tone looking at your expressions through your vanity mirror with a sly smirk on his face.

tears began to fall from your pretty eyes, it felt amazing. “don’t cry pretty girl, i’m here to make you feel better yea?” he said pumping his fingers in and out using his other hand to wipe the tears from your face leaving your mascara smudge. you felt your high approaching making you leave marks into jake’s forearm as you began to pant, “fuck i’m cuming jake~” you gasped as he fasten his paste, you let out a soft squeak before undoing all over his fingers.

“fuck princess that was so hot” he smiled at your fucked out expressions. you watched him removing his fingers out and shove them in his mouth moaning at the taste of your sweet cunt. “ you taste so so good, could eat you everyday” he said making you leak once more. you turned around and got up to push him onto the bed nearly ripping his pants off.

you removed his boxers making his dick spring up and almost hit you in the face! you immediately began to stroke his member spitting on his pink tip before making eye contact as you took him in your mouth causing him to let out a soft groan. he pulled your hair into a ponytail so you wouldn’t have it in the way. you started off slow swirling your tongue around his tip tasting his precum. “please baby don’t tease” he whined out, your wish is my command you thought as you began to deepthroat his member causing you to choke on his dick making tears run down your face ruining your makeup. looking at jake’s eyes shut, sweat dripping down his neck, and mouth nearly open as drool ran down his jaw, you almost came your pants! you began to squeeze your thighs as tight as could be looking at your lovely boyfriend.

jake had gotten so desperate he began to fuck your face! thrusting his hips up into your mouth as you gagged so much. your throat began to sting but you didn’t care because he was enjoying himself. “oh my gosh, oh my gosh im gonna cum, i’m gonna cum in your fucking mouth” he rambled his words as you picked up your pace moving up and down on his cock with your mouth. jake let out a loud moan as he shot his load down your throat, his body began to shake as he calmed down from his orgasm. he looked down at you with low eyes grabbing your face pulling you up pulling you towards his lips, tasting himself on your tongue as you tasted yourself on his.

“i guess you’re not leaving mhm?” he teased pulling away from the kiss”

“shut up jake”

[planet-dusk]

Umm... so this is a little emberrassing and I sincerly apologize if I made you uncomfortable but I was wondering how do you think skz will react to their s/o having a noncon kink? Or at least who is most to least likely be into that if their s/o was into that? Whichever you prefer. Ngl even though it is anonymous it's still baffles me that I am actually writing this because there are only three people who I told about this kink of mine and I still have this fear that they are judging me for it and I also kinda judge myself for it... soooo feel free to delete this ask.

hey bean,, i have a lot of cnc, dubcon and noncon works on my blog and this is not an uncommon kink to have even if it may not feel like it. you're not alone :)) the following are all cnc (consensual non-consent) scenarios:

i think leeknow and seungmin would be into cnc roleplay. they'd like to act out carefully crafted scenarios where you pretend to struggle, growing harder the more you cry. smudged makeup, making you choke on their cocks, degrading you for how wet you get when they're forcing themselves on you like this..... and of course they'd be amazing at the softest aftercare, too <33

chan would be into primal play: getting to turn off his busy brain for a moment and chase you around the house (or maybe even somewhere outside),, the taste of adrenaline almost palpable when he finally pins you down and fucks you full of his cum in a frenzy of teeth and growls 😵‍💫 i can also see him being into forced breeding,, where you pretend you're not on birth control and he fills you up over and over again to make sure it takes despite you begging him to pull out <33

han would be into somno. nothing would turn him on more than you taking what you want from him when he's asleep, be it sinking down on his cock or slipping two fingers past his tight rim to loosen him up for your strap. he'd love waking up in a mess of cum and spit 🤭 or being nearly asphyxiated, waking up gasping with your dripping pussy on his face ready for him to bury his tongue into :))

hyunjin would like it when you ignore his safeword and push him past the edge of overstimulation and beyond. of course he has a real safeword, but it's fun to pretend you don't care about his pleasure: forcing orgasm after orgasm out of his spent cock until he cums dry and the only thing he has left to spill is the endless stream of tears rolling down his temples ;(( the same goes for jeongin, but where hyunjin prefers to be on the receiving end, it's the younger man who enjoys watching you cry on his cock when he tells you this is what you wanted all along <33

felix doesn't want to admit it but he likes it when you whisper dirty things in his ear right before you leave together for a party. tell him everything you want him to do to you when you get back home and you're a little too out of it, letting him use your body as he pleases. he's always careful with you but he can't help his shaky hands when he gets to fuck your ass until you pass out :))

i think changbin would prefer a partner who's as enthusiastically into sex as he is, but i can see him enjoying a free use dynamic where he gets to use you anytime he wants <33 he's always so needy,, ready to go and bend you over any surface or have you sit under his desk to toy with his cock. anything will do as long as he gets to feel you one way or another <33

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Your resident Crawling Chaos, back with more OPLA headcanons.

Another huge thanks to everyone who's been sharing and liking and following. You're all just amazing. I'm working on getting through these headcanons alongside an ask request, that latter of which I'm almost finished with and may be up tonight.

Without further ado, it's headcanons with everyone's favorite green-haired swordsman, Zoro!

Whoops, wrong gif.

I'm SORRY I COULDN'T RESIST.

I mean it's totally normal to pick at the people you love.

So, headcanons. Like Mihawk and Shanks, ranging from total fluff to spicy, and very much NSFW.

LA!Zoro X Fem!Reader

A— Through —Z(oro)

A — Afterglow (How are they have sex?)

Considering how much effort he exerts training on a daily basis, he's going to fall asleep pretty quickly.

But you're not going anywhere.

Not with his arms curled around you, holding you against his chest.

Even if he's already asleep, his grip is going to tighten around your waist, keeping you close.

He hasn't been close to many people in his life, and he's pretty starved for physical affection, so your warmth is positively addictive to him.

B — Backrubs? (Do they like them? Like giving them?)

Looks at you like you're speaking another language if you offer him one.

"Wha...why?"

But he's not going to turn it down.

And he's never going to turn it down again after the first time.

"O...oh. Oh—that feels—oh shit yeah..."

He thought that "sore" was just the default state of anyone who spent the vast majority of their time physically active.

He'll try to return the favor if you want one. He's a little clumsy about it since it's not exactly something he's used to doing, but his hands always feel nice and he takes instruction well enough.

It's not long before his hands are wandering, though.

Not that you're complaining.

C — Cuddling (Do they enjoy cuddling a lot or only at certain moments?)

Zoro likes having you close, but mostly in private.

He loves to bury his face in the crook of your neck while you comb your fingers through his hair.

Wrap his arm tight around your waist and just breathe you in.

D — Dance (Are they good at it? Do they enjoy it?)

Says he has two left feet, but he's never realy tried.

He'll let you try to teach him, but he's going to complain the whole time.

"Come on, what's the point in this? Can't we just spar instead?"

And probably blush a little about how close you are.

And definitely never admit out loud that he actually enjoys it.

E — Extravagant Gestures (Things they do to make you feel loved)

Zoro is pretty new to this, so you're going to have to bear with him.

He's spent the entirety of his life focused on his career as a swordsman and never taken any time for romance before.

Doesn't really think much about doing anything extravagant.

But he will literally put his life on the life to keep you safe.

Even if he knows you're pretty strong yourself, he goes completely ferral if he sees you've been hurt.

F — Fighting (How do they hand arguments/apologies?)

He has to always get the last word in.

Turns into a bit of an overgrown toddler, honestly. Slamming doors and being in general grumpy about the whole ordeal.

Refusing to talk about the problem for a while, then feeling guilty after the fact.

Approaching you later when no one else is around, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Look, I probably...could have handled that better. Not really used to this, but—y'know. Sorry."

If he sees you've been crying he's instantly gutted.

G — Going Out (What do they do for dates?)

If you have anything specific in mind, you're going to have to do the planning.

It's not that he doesn't enjoy spending time together—he just doesn't really understand what constitutes a "date"

Gets a little awkward about asking.

"Hey, ah—you know, I'll probably get lost if I leave the ship by myself so...wanna go do something?"

H — Heartache (How would they handle it if you broke up with them?)

He's going to do everything in his power to act like he's unaffected.

But everyone notices it.

Snapping and being more short-tempered than usual.

Spending more and more time training and napping.

Deflecting when anyone asks about it.

Unable to get you out of his head and working himself to the point of overexertion just to try to ignore his thoughts.

I — Intimacy (When are they intimate with you? And how often?)

Mostly in private.

Will probably curl his arm around your waist when you stand close.

Straight-up blushes when you kiss him in front of the rest of the crew at first, even on the cheek, but he gets used to it over time and starts returning the gesture.

In private, it's a miracle if he's not holding you.

He absolutely loves it when you lay across his chest with your cheek at his shoulder.

J — Joker (How do they make you laugh)

Not really one for cutting jokes, but his sarcastic one-liners are an art form.

Especially when he gets into an insult-match with Sanji.

Even if you are typically the one who has to break it up before comes to blows.

K — Kissing (How good? How often?)

He honestly loves kissing you, and he's going to take any chance to pull you aside to do so.

He's starved himself of physical affection for the vast majority of his life, so he savors every second of it.

Pulling you against him by your hips and wrapping an arm around your waist.

Or walking you back into the wall and leaning over you with his hand over your head.

Slow, deep kisses when you wake up in his arms are his weakness.

L — Lay down (How do they sleep with you? Are they a cuddler or do they prefer their space?)

He has to have you against him.

Laid across his chest with an arm around your back.

If you wake up before him, you're not going anywhere until he's ready to move.

If you're too busy to nap, he's going to wait until you're not.

Absolutely refuses to lay down without you at any given time.

M — Making babies (Do they want to settle down and have kids?)

Yeah, no.

At least not for a very long time.

His dream of being the world's greatest swordsman takes precedence right now. Having a kid would make that borderline impossible.

N — Nervous? (How confident are they when it comes to romance?)

As confident as Zoro is about everything else, this whole romance thing has him pretty out of his element.

Had a few one night stands and flings during his time pirate hunting, but never anything serious.

He would never admit that he's nervous, but he's more obvious than he thinks.

Trying to act aloof but stumbling over words.

Getting legitimately surprised when you do the simplest little things for him.

O — Oral Fixation (Giving or recieving? And how good are they?)

Your mouth makes him weak.

Shivering when you wrap your hand around his cock and trail your tongue up the length and wrap your lips around the head.

Gripping your hair with both hands, alternating between laying his head back and watching you.

He's pretty sure he'd go crazy if he watched you the entire time, especially with the way you gaze up to meet his eyes.

Holding your head still when it gets too good to hold back and thrusting back to your throat.

"Oh fuck I love it when you gag on it—"

He's definitely returning the favor.

Picking you up and setting you on the nearest surface—a bed, a hammock, a table, anywhere he can tug off your panties and pull your legs over his shoulders.

Slow and sensual, but not teasing—he just loves hearing your little moans and whimpers, feeling your thighs trembling.

Pushing one or two fingers in and out of you so he can feel you tighten up when you come.

P — Pet Peeves (Things they don't like in a partner)

Nagging. You asked him to do something and he's going to do it, don't get pushy about it or it's going to take him even longer.

Lack of communication—he is new to this whole relationship thing, you can't expect him to know everything you want all the time if you don't tell him.

Flirting with Sanji. Just don't. He can and will murder that shitty waiter.

Q — Quiet Time (How much alone time do they need, or do they want to be with you 24/7?)

He's always been a solitary person, and it surprises him juat how much time he wants to spend with you.

Doesn't want you glued to his side or anything, but he'd rather be with you than not be with you.

Especially in a new place. He knows you can handle yourself, but still gets worried something might happen to you and takes it upon himself to act as your personal body guard.

And let's face it, he'd get lost if he went off on his own anyway.

R — Romance (How romantic are they? Do they have to force it or does it come natural?)

For not having much experience, he's honestly incredibly sweet when you're alone together

Playing with your hair.

Foreheads touching just so he can look into your eyes.

Slow, tender kisses and gentle caresses.

"You're way too good for me."

Gets absolutely flustered if anyone walks in, and you giggling about it doesn't help.

S — Spending Money (How much do they like to spend on you?)

To be fair, he doesn't really have much money. None of you do.

But he's pretty insistent on paying for both of you if you go out together, even if that's all he can do right now.

He wants to buy things for you, and if the crew ever strikes it big, he plans on making up for it.

T — Trust (Are they trusting of you? Jealous?)

Zoro has a lot of trust issues in general, but he's pretty trusting of you.

You haven't given him any reason not to trust you.

He still hasn't told you everything about his past, but he's getting around to it.

U — Underwear (What kind do they wear, and what kind do they like on you?)

He's not very particular about his own underwear.

Definitely comfort and maneuverability over looks, but if you have a preference he's fine with it, as long as it's not thongs or something.

Don't even ask, he's not.

But he loves seeing you in a thong. The skimpier the better.

If he can reach under your skirt and feel your bare ass, he's going to be absolutely ferral for you in an instant.

V — Vulnerable (How vulnerable are they with you? Is it easy for them to open up to you?)

He's more vulnerable with you than he is with anyone else.

Still doesn't exactly wear his heart on his sleeve, but he's trying.

Used to handling everything himself so it's a steep learning curve.

Tries to voice things that bother him, even if it comes out a little forced and awkward, but he makes the effort, and you're proud of him for it.

W — Wine and Dine (Do they prefer meals at home or going out with you? Who does more of the cooking?)

A cook Zoro definitely is not.

He'd rather take you out and not have to deal with Sanji, but money is an object.

He loves watching you cook. He might even offer to help, but you probably shouldn't let him.

He could burn a pot of boiling water.

X — X-Rated (How good are they in bed? What do they like?)

Very passionate, and a little playful.

It drives him crazy when you tease him.

Bend over in front of him in a skirt and he's going to be dragging you off somewhere private in seconds.

Pushing you up against a wall and pushing your skirt up your hips.

Kissing you hard enough to bruise and pulling you against him by your ass so you can feel him get hard.

Shivering, kissing and growling against your neck when you rub him through his pants.

"God, you're such a little fucking tease..."

And he absolutely loves it.

Not wasting any time in pulling your shirt and your bra off so he can feel every inch of you.

Teasing your nipples with his thumb while he grips your ass harder to grind against you.

Wrestling out of his shirt when you get on your knees in front of him.

Tangling his hands in his hair and groaning when you wrap your lips around his cock.

Losing control fast and holding your head still to fuck your mouth until you're gagging on him.

Letting you go when you dig your fingers into his hips and pulling you back up by your hair, picking you up by your ass and kissing down the column of his throat while he catches his breath.

Laying you down on the nearest surface and kissing down your body.

Trying to get himself back under control so he doesn't cum within two minutes.

Pulling your skirt down and flinging it away, before giving you a grin and tugging your panties down with his teeth.

Pulling your thighs up over his shoulders and tugging you to him by your hips, immediately pushing two fingers inside you and sucking your clit.

Rolling his tongue in slow, firm circles, keeping his pace steady while you grip at his hair and arch your back and moan.

Giving a little purr/growl when you come, gripping your hips.

Absolutely craving you now, shifting up to lean over you, rubbing your thighs and thrusting into you before your orgasm is even over.

Going hard and heavy right from the first stroke.

Gripping at your thigh and your hair and groaning into your neck while you cling to him.

Reaching between you to rub your clit, bringing you right back to the edge in minutes.

"Come on, baby. Come for me again. Come on my cock."

Watching your eyes roll back and swearing under his breath when he feels your walls tighten around him.

Losing it immediately when you cry out and arch your back under him.

Pulling out and tugging on you by your arm until you lean down and wrap your lips around him again.

Pulling your head forward and groaning, holding you in place by your hair while you suck the cum out of him.

Collapsing into bed with you and pulling you onto his chest, kissing your neck and your forehead, telling you how good you are while you both catch your breath.

Y — Yearning (How long will they pursue the person they're interested in before losing interest?)

Not very long, honestly.

He'll shoot his shot a couple times, but if you're not interested he's not going to press it.

He respects your boundaries completely, and he doesn't abide the whole hard-to-get game.

If you decide you're interested after that, you're going to have to approach him.

Z — Zen (What do they do to wind down and relax? Do they prefer to do it alone or with you?)

As much as he trains, he needs a lot of downtime.

And he definitely wants you there for it.

Holding onto you like you're his teddy bear, having a beer or two with you, nuzzling into your hair.

He never really considered the possibility that he'd be as close to someone as he is to you, and doesn't want to waste any time being away from you.

He's still pretty reclusive, but you're the one exception to that rule.

[mustainegf]

really passionate loving sex with 1994 James

but you end up getting really emotional because no one has ever loved you like he has and he just worships you and tells you he loves you over and over again

𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐊𝐈𝐒𝐒 ¹⁹⁹⁴

One moment before, I had looked at James, the soft light of the lamp on his features glittered in his face. Sharp, but incredibly warm, his eyes were wholly fastened on mine. The way he would look at me would always quicken my heartbeat. That wasn't about wanting him far more than that he sees me, every inch of me, and he accepts it.

He snatched my hand, pulling me closer. His touch was firm yet so soft, and cold chills trickled down my spine. Every time he touched me, I felt I was standing in the safest place on Earth. "You are so beautiful," he whispered in a low, awed tone, as if to say that he could not believe I really was here with him.

Nobody has ever looked at me the way James does, as if he sees something amazing in me that I am not even aware exists. Every time he says those words, it is like he chips away at the concrete wall I have built around myself. Always so cautious, never really letting someone into my life, James, he can break down all my walls without even trying.

His lips, soft and cold, hit against mine, so filled with emotion. I went limp in his arms, soaking into his love as his hands wrapped themselves around me, tracing every little detail of my being, but not in haste. James would take his sweet time, he would make sure I feel every bit of his appreciation for each second that was being shared. Drawing back, his breath danced along my skin, his voice whispering, "I love you. I love everything about you."

It's like my heart was beating, just this big ball inside my throat. nobody had ever said anything like that to me before and meant it like he did. I could tell really in every word and really even his eyes that he wasn't saying that to help my mood. He really means it, and that's the difference. I swallowed hard, trying to maintain my self control, but it really began to grow really impossible.

His lips planted a trail of kisses down my neck, his hands slid lower and touched me in a way that had me closer to him than I had ever been. He didn't just want me, he wanted to adore me. The heat came between us, love and desire curled in the air. And with that came everything else, evidence of something heavier inside me that hadn't broken free for ages.

His fingers moved softly and understandingly over me, and the gasp that slipped through my lips was inevitable. It wasn't the pleasure that hit me like a ton of bricks but everything, the look in his eyes, his fingertips upon my skin, the way he loved me, had never remotely felt anything like that before, and that was almost too much to bear.

"I've got you," he whispered, his lips against my ear. "I'm here. You're okay..."

Tears welled inside my eyes, and, having tried to blink them away, they just trickled on, one after another. I didn't really know why I was crying. Maybe it was because I had never felt loved like this before. Maybe it was because for the first time in my life I actually feel like someone really sees me, or maybe it was just because finally I let myself think I actually deserved it.

James had picked it up pretty much instantaneously. He pulled back an inch or two, hands falling slack in their holding of my face, his thumb catching the tear as it fell. "Hey, hey… what's up?" he asked softly, sounding really worried. "You alright?

I nodded, but somehow words wouldn't pass my lips. They were stuck in my throat, too large and heavy to push out. I felt like I was gonna fall apart with all that pressure. But then he kissed me again, nice and slow, and from nowhere, everything suddenly did feel a bit easier.

"It's okay..." he whispered against my lips. "You don't have to say anything. I'm here."

I breathed out shakily, my body shaking at his touch, I couldn't fathom, how he could love me that much. No person had ever done that with me. It was super intense in all the best ways, and it freaked me out a little. What if I wasn't enough? What if I couldn't be what he needed?

"Do you still want to do this?" he whispered, unsure if sex was the right thing while I was in tears. But I nodded, needing this, needing him.

He leaned in closer and said, low and smooth, "You're perfect... you're mine..."

His hands moved again, slow and steady, as if taking all his sweet time to show me that he cared. I felt him push past me, stretching and rubbing from the inside. Every touch and every kiss was just so filled with love, and I could feel it totally run through me. It wasn't about the physical stuff anymore, this was far deeper. My body reacted to him in ways I couldn't even handle, and I could feel myself start to come apart.

"You are so beautiful," he moaned softly, the warmth of his breath upon my skin. "You have no idea how much I love you."

A gasp escaped my lips as the pleasure mounted inside my belly, but the emotion was there too, it was as if the two intertwined, not to be separated. I had never felt this vulnerable, yet it felt right with James. I didn't need to hide anything from him. He took all of me, the good, the bad, and everything in between.

I wasn't going to last long, especially after his teasing, and now his slow strokes as he fit snug inside me.

I just couldn't bottle it anymore. It was like it hit me hard, and I felt this crazy release that had me all shaking. My body was all tensed up, then it was like everything came falling down on me all at once, like the tide coming to the shore. It was so much stronger than anything I'd ever felt, I couldn't stop the tears streaming down.

My legs violently shook as I whimpered and came, liquid gushing out of me and onto him and the sheets.

James held me through it, speaking softly into my ear, hellos of love and hellos of encouragement as I shook beneath him. "That's it," he whispered softly. "Let go. I've got you. You're safe with me..."

His voice brought me right back, he pulled me out of all those crazy feelings. My body was getting cold, yet the tears wouldn't stop flowing. Not sad tears, tears of relief, finally releasing into my body all the hurt and fear that I had stored in it for ages.

Finally, I opened up my eyes to find James staring at me with this sweet look that just totally tore at my heart. "I love you," he whispered, giving my forehead a soft kiss. "More than you'll ever know."

For the first time ever, I actually believed it. I let this shaky breath out and finally managed to find my voice.

"I love you too," I whispered in return, my voice all choked. James smiled and tucked that stray strand of hair behind my head.

"You mean the world to me," he said, this time quite seriously.

With a gentle kiss on the forehead, James pulled out very slowly, a whimper slipping past my lips at the sensitive feeling.

"I'm so proud of you..."

[myreallovelymind]

Fucking through the pain

The guy I saw the other day, let’s call him G, told me I wasn’t allowed to touch myself until Sunday which was three days away. He wanted the first people to touch me until then. I was going to the kink event which I had no plans on playing as it was all new to me but I was still going to be horny as fuck. G allowed me to edge for 15 minutes tops after the event to soothe my horniness but I was going to need to him it for him.

I got dressed and ready for my kink event. Something happened in the pre-drinks which kinda made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe about going. G and I were texting about me going to see him after the event as a horny mess on his doorstep. After I made the decision of going home, I texted G asking if he was serious about me coming over because I was now free. He said yes, I should come to see him.

My outfit is hidden under shorts and a jumper so nobody would suspect how much of a slut I look like underneath. I turn up, show him my outfit, he gives me water and immediately bends me over the back of the sofa. He spanks, fingers me and licks me. I am a little tipsy but I immediately realise how much I needed his touch.

I moan and just enjoy the sensations. He pulls me up and tells me to kneel. I start worshipping him, looking up at him. He is in a shirt and fuck he looks good. He pulls me back up and starts fucking me. He moves me into the sofa and fucks me from on top. He’s big and he’s going deep so I’m struggling. It’s tight and hard to take it but I want to please him but I have to tap out a few times.

He pulls me on top and gently presses on the side of my neck. Enough for me to feel controlled but not too far that I feel safe. It gets a little blurry because I can feel myself switch off. I’m just taking me and it feels so good. I can start to feel tears but I try and control it. Not sure I’m quite ready to get that happen.

He stops fucking me and tells me I still need to record myself edging for him. We go to his bed, and he fucks me again. He gets his plug out and gentle inserts it in me. Its way bigger than the ones I have but fuck it feels amazing. He fucks me again.I laugh saying I’ll never actually get to edge. He stops, spanks me and gives me his wand and I try to edge as he sets up the cameras. The problem is 1) I’m tipsy so edging is hard 2) I’m so used to my clit sucker toy that I find it really really hard to edge. But I still enjoy the wand. He’s not even in the room! Though he comes back and spreads my pussy open (could post that on twitter). I stop and we end up chatting for a while. I'm enjoying the mix of lust and talk.

We start kissing again and we fuck. I’m on top and I’m loving it. I'm holding his shoulder strongly as he really fucks me. And then he says something so fucking hot

I'm about to cum. I'm going to fuck you hard and I'm not going to be able to stop so you're going to have to hold it if you need to cum.

Fuccckkkkk. He cums. Its amazing. I'm feeling pretty ruined and raw. We chat and laugh for god knows how long but we end up kissing each other again. I know he's going to want to fuck me. He downs down on me periodically during the evening, so he does again. It hurts again but he's gentle. It hurts but I can tell he needs this. He checks in on me but I tell him its okay.

I'm clenching the sheets and muffling my moans that are from pleasure and pain. I take it. I want him to be happy. I want him to cum. I need to please him. In that moment, his pleasure is more important than mine. I feel like crying again but it makes me so happy to take it. He cums. I'm smiling. I feel like I did did my job as a sub.

We get ready for bed and sleep. I wake up in the morning so horny. He fucks me again. It feels amazing. I ask for the toy, he agrees. I edge this time as he spoons me. There's something about a morning creampie.

I get my stuff. He takes away my underwear telling me I can get them on Sunday. I take the tube, and cum is literally drilling down my leg. Oh and I still can't touch until Sunday. I'm a mess.

[moonlinos]

Hi love 💖

Which romance trope do you associate each skz member with?

For eg: enemies to lovers, forbidden, friends to lovers, boy next door etc

Tbh, from your perspective what relates to them....

Bye, keep writing more 🥰🤗☺️

Ahh I loved writing this, thank you for asking. I got a bit carried away, but it’s not proofread since it’s a drabble so I tried to be less annoying with myself 🙃 Basically a trope for each member + a small blurb 🩷

Chan - Second chance love Maybe it’s because I just wrote about this, but it fits Chan well.

He was your college sweetheart, the one boyfriend you could never truly forget. After he moves to a different country due to a job offer, you’re left to reminisce about the amazing relationship you foolishly let slip through your fingers. You unknowingly compare every boyfriend you have to him, and they all fall short. No guy is as caring as Chan — he missed out on his own birthday party to console you after failing a test. No guy is as romantic as Chan — he was too broke for flowers during your relationship, so he made you paper roses every day until you broke up. No guy would ever live up to what Chan meant to you. Although you want nothing more than to look for him, your falling out wasn’t quite amicable. When you meet again, it’s by pure coincidence. He’s been transferred back to Seoul, where his company is located across the street from the building where you work. You’re completely different from who you were when you were together. Somehow, that’s exactly what you needed, and you find yourselves wanting to give your old romance a second try.

Minho - Friends to lovers This is so strange to me because this is actually my least favorite trope, and this man is my bias.

Minho is the one person at your job who you can stand to be around. You always joked about how his hidden talent is making you laugh even while you’re crying. Having worked together for three years now, you two have your little routine: going out to eat cheap street food after work and getting drunk at your favorite bar on weekends. He’s nothing but a friend to you, but he’s secretly pining after you, just waiting for that right moment to confess his feelings. But that moment never comes — you’re always too focused on work, or whining about yet another failed blind date. It takes one drunken night, when he’s carrying you from your car up to your apartment, for just how sweet, caring, and handsome Minho truly is to dawn on you. From there, you begin to subtly show him your feelings — which would totally make him flustered and maybe even a little annoyed that you could do it so effortlessly while he just waited around like an idiot. When you’re asked why you had a change of heart after being his friend for so long, you simply answer that you had no choice but to fall for him. He’s your best friend and the love of your life all wrapped up into one, how could you not want him?

Changbin - Holiday romance He just screams hot, funny dude you meet on a holiday.

You’re a bit down as you walk into the luau; the beautiful beach does little to distract you from the ugly jealousy inside your chest. Your friends are finding their perfect partners one by one, getting married, and leaving you to be the single friend. Your last friend from your little group is set to get married in two days, her wealthy fiance flying all the guests out to Hawaii for a dream beach wedding. You’re happy for her, but being her bridesmaid was almost like rubbing salt in your wound. Changbin’s loud voice is the first thing you hear after sitting down at the bar. You two get to talking, and his contagious laughter and constant jokes have you enthralled the entire night, and the way the sleeves of his shirt strained against his biceps certainly helped. You end up hooking up that night, leaving you hopeful you won’t be so lonely during yet another wedding. Except he simply disappears when morning comes, a small note explaining he had to catch his flight left on the pillow beside you. He didn’t know if adding his number would be too much — maybe you were just looking to de-stress and have a good time at your friend’s bachelorette party. So he doesn’t, simply signing his name and telling you he had an amazing time with you.

Hyunjin - Forbidden love In so many different ways. A crown prince set to be king, your bodyguard who really shouldn’t have fallen for you because it puts his life at risk, your best friend who’s already in a relationship. A love you know is unattainable, but you pursue it anyway.

The crown prince has a soft spot for you, even though you’re only a village girl who runs your family’s bakery. Despite his guards surrounding him and his cold appearance, he treats you as an equal whenever he visits your shop — which happens frequently, seeing as his mother cannot live without your strawberry pound cake, a recipe that’s been passed down to you by your late father. Hyunjin’s love starts shyly, without him noticing. His father often berates him for being too soft on the help, too kind to people below him — he simply assumes it’s his seemingly too-kind nature that makes him want to befriend you. He begins escaping from the palace under the pretense of fetching his mother’s favorite treat himself, until he finds himself escaping simply to see you. You spend your days teaching him how to bake various treats while he revels in feeling so normal for the first time in his life. Hidden inside your little bakery, he’s not expected to be gracious and courteous, or to be ruthless and calculating. He can simply be himself around you. Only problem is his parents announce he will be marrying a princess from a neighboring kingdom in less than six months.

Jisung - Fake relationship Jisung screams early 2000s romcom for me, you can’t change my mind. The real chaotic ones like How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, The Wedding Planner, and of course, The Proposal.

You were certainly not his first option, given his love for tormenting you and your history of bickering at office get-togethers. But Jisung is left with no choice as Christmas is quickly approaching, and his entire family expects to meet his fiance when he visits. In all fairness, he did have one, but she broke off the engagement with no real explanation, leaving him heartbroken and in a huge predicament. He could either come clean to his family and endure two weeks of nagging or find someone to act as his fiance. Unfortunately for him, you’re the only single woman in his department he knows would accept this crazy deal — that’s enough ammo for a year of teasing, and you can’t pass up on that.

Felix - Sunshine/grumpy I know this is the most obvious choice but hear me out, it’s for good reason.

Felix moves back to Australia to get away from the corporate world he’s been sucked into, missing his carefree days at the beach when he was a kid. You move in next door after a year and a half of enduring a terrible writer’s block that threatens your career as a writer. You have no time for futile things, seeing as your livelihood depends on you sitting down and finishing your book before summer ends. Except your neighbor is unrelenting, determined to help you find your lost passion through his carefully curated list of days at his favorite childhood fair and late-night ocean trips to teach you how to swim. It’s irritating at first, and you want nothing more than to get through his silly list as fast as possible lest you drown him during one of your swimming lessons. Only Felix’s outlook on life slowly wins you over, and you find yourself with more than just your forgotten love for writing filling your heart.

Seungmin - Enemies to lovers He also screams romantic comedy. His handsome face hiding his chaotic need to pester everyone he loves makes this the obvious choice to me.

As a lawyer just starting her career, you expect to be faced with the usual issues: overworking, your boss being an asshole, and dealing with cases that make you question your own morals. A co-worker who makes every second of your day unbearable was not on your bingo card. Seungmin is assigned to the same team as you, working under the supervision of the firm’s most prestigious lawyers. His need to be the best drives you up the wall, his competitiveness possibly being the worst trait you’ve seen on a man, only rivaled by his cockiness. If that wasn’t enough, he’s seemingly determined to make your life a living hell, constantly engaging in petty fights and teasing you every chance he gets. When a particular case proves too much for you to handle — hitting too close to home — Seungmin trades his unwelcome jokes for words of encouragement, keeping you company after work hours simply to help you. You see him take a step back from his beloved spotlight for the first time just to watch you shine. You find it odd, to say the least, but you can’t bring yourself to question it in your situation. Little do you know he’s been falling for you since he was first introduced to the team, and his need to rile you up is simply a desperate attempt to make you pay attention to him.

Jeongin - Boy next door I read this one in your message and I just knew it was Jeongin.

He moves next door after a heartbreak, which makes him want nothing more than to run away from the bustling city of Seoul and its cold residents. Jeongin intrigues you from the first day — having lived in that small town your whole life had you desperate for excitement, for what adventures the city could provide you. You have a happy, albeit quite monotonous life. Running the only bookshop in town provides countless stories from your nosy neighbors’ chaotic lives that keep you entertained throughout your days. Still, you’ve grown tired of only hearing about these experiences. Jeongin begins frequenting your bookshop, walking you home, and coming inside for a piece of cake every day. During your talks, you always complain about your dull life in the town, while he swears you wouldn’t trade the tranquility of your little life if you knew how ruthless and lonely the city can be. You fall first, his bright smile and gentle nature capturing your lonely heart. But he falls harder, vowing to help you find the excitement you yearn for in life, even if it means losing you to the city he hates so much.

♡ taglist: @bloom-ings, @linocz, @farahia, @mirbokk, @jisunglyricist, @jazziwritesthings, @seungseung-minmin, @yourcvndx, @hynjinnnnnnnie, @vlctorriaa, @yongbokkiesworld, @kiensecent, @redstayrosie

[writerblue275]

How the Heartsteel members would take care of a sick/injured S/O.

Inspiration: Extremely self-serving, but I don’t care. I’m currently in the midst of a chronic illness episode. For me that involves an ungodly headache that can last for straight days, if not weeks, and other bs. All because my body can’t handle sodium 😭. If I don’t do something to distract myself, I’m going to cry, and I’d rather not do that, so here we gooooo.

Genre: Headcanon

Type: Fluff (very very slight angst in the concept [if you squint] just because you don’t feel good).

Gender: Gender Neutral Reader

Tw: None! This is pure fluff. 🥰

Aphelios

Aphelios would actually be a great caretaker.

I think a lot of this comes from an excellent example. We know Alune took care of Aphelios when he was injured/after his surgeries. Since he was the recipient of her wonderful care, he knows what to do.

Extremely prepared. He’ll work from your place as much as possible so he can be close by (he has that little mobile keyboard set up shown in his “what’s in my bag” pic). Excellent at running out to grab supplies/medication (I feel like he has an excellent memory so you just need to tell/show him something once). Also phenomenal at making sure you take your meds on schedule and changing any dressings/wraps.

If for some reason an extra set of hands is needed or Phel needs further advice on how to best care for you, you know who he’s texting? Alune! She is happy to help however she can because you’re her friend too and she hates knowing you’re sick/in pain.

I feel like Phel’s immune system is pretty strong so even if you were contagious, he’d cuddle you. If he was really worried, there’s always his mask. (Makes my public health heart sing.) He has many extras so you can snag one too in order to be doubly safe. You get those healing cuddles!

Ezreal

This is where Ezreal’s typical golden retriever energy is extra useful!!

Like genuinely I think Ez is a really really sweet “nurse” and will do an excellent job of taking care of you. Or at the very least, he’s great at distracting you and making you smile so you don’t feel as shitty/in pain.

I can’t see Ez cooking tbh (mood), but he is more than happy to order delivery/run to grab whatever carry out whenever you want it. If he can’t do it because he needs to stay with you for some reason, he’s texting Alune and the boys and practically begging them to help him out. (One of them always does. They love you and want you to heal.)

Also happy to run out to grab whatever supplies you need. This sweet green bean is so eager to help you heal that not only will he grab what you ask for, he’ll also grab other things that you might not need. He’s of the mindset it’s better to be overprepared rather than underprepared.

I can’t see Ezreal wanting to cuddle if you’re contagious, tbh, which is fair, but he’ll definitely make sure you have all the blankets and pillows you need. He will sit near-ish to you though and hold your hand. And if you’re not contagious? Oh he’s clinging to you as much as you want him to.

Kayn

Ok…so…this isn’t Kayn’s specialty as a partner, let’s be honest here.

Kayn is an amazing partner in so many other ways, but he’s not exactly...naturally nurturing? BUT that doesn’t mean he’s not going to try. He knows you need him, so he’s really going to put in a lot of effort to try and take care of you as best he can. (This secretly sweet rockstar!)

Kayn might fake grumble about it, but he will definitely go out and get whatever supplies you need. You may need to take a picture of a label/find one on the internet but he’s got you! (“Baby, there are so many CHOICES. How do I know which is the right one? I don’t want to get something you don’t need!”)

The first time you were sick/injured and he was with you, he texted the HS group chat for advice on how to take care of you and shocked everyone. (That was the moment the rest of HS knew Kayn was really head over heels for you. 🥹 <- Their faces as they read the texts.)

One thing I cannot see him doing is cuddling you when you’re sick (unless you’re not contagious). He doesn’t want to get sick himself. He will tuck you in and give you surprisingly soft forehead kisses though. He says they’re to check your temp but you know they’re to show he cares.

K’Sante

K’Sante is another member who just gives off such excellent and caring vibes. He has to come from a big, close-knit family, because he gives eldest brother vibes through and through.

Because of this, he’s perfect at taking care of you when you’re sick or injured. He’s done the same thing for his siblings/cousins many times.

Even though Sett is officially the best cook, I still fully believe K’Sante can throw down in the kitchen. Whenever possible, he’s making everything from scratch for you. You deserve it, after all. His meals alone will have you starting to feel way better.

He is fully stocked on OTC meds, ice packs, bandages, whatever you need. As a gym bro, K’Sante can get pretty sore, so he’s already got that stuff around for himself. Also, anything you need picked up, he’s got that taken care of.

As the eldest who took care of his younger family members, K’Sante’s immune system is PREPARED. Unless it is before a really big event, he would be fine cuddling you, even if you’re contagious. If it is close to a big event then he’s understandably a little more hesitant (he does have obligations to HS) but he’ll still be nearish to you and hold your hand so you know he’s there.

Sett

Ooooooh baby this is Sett’s time to fucking SHINE.

He was raised by his incredible Ma! Like of course Sett’s going to be really fucking good at taking care of you. (He already does an excellent job of doing that when you’re not sick/injured.)

We know he’s the best cook in the group so homemade soup/whatever comfort food you want/need you will have and it will be delicious. Really good about reminding you to take any meds you need to (he sets a reminder in his phone). Also fully stocked on OTC meds, medical wraps, ice packs, etc. Like he is PREPARED. (Perks of loving a gym bro.)

Happy to give you cuddles if that will help. I feel like Sett is another member that has an immune system of steel, so even if you’re sick, he’s still cuddling you if you want him to. (You definitely do like 95% of the time because how could you not?? Sett cuddles sound fucking elite!)

Worst-case scenario and you get sick while he’s traveling? He makes sure you are in the very best hands possible and sends in the big guns. That’s right, he has Ma come over to check on you/stay with you if need be (which she is happy to do because she adores you and loves how happy you make her son).

Yone

I think Yone would be a phenomenal “nurse!”

He might come across as cold/intimidating to those who don’t know him, but you always bring the soft side of him out. That’s totally applicable when you’re sick. Sweet Yone incoming!!

He cared for his younger brother Yasuo when he was sick or injured, so he is well versed in what supplies are useful for a multitude of ailments. Is well stocked on all of it too. If for some reason you need something and he doesn’t have it, he’s remedying that ASAP.

I’ve been thinking about whether or not Yone cooks. My gut says not really besides breakfast food. While he’s not going to make you homemade soup/your comfort food, you bet he’s asking Sett or K’Sante to make some for you. (They’re happy to do so. You keep your their producer sane. Helping you is self-preservation 😂.)

While he’s likely been injured many times, I feel like this beautiful motherfucker (affectionate!!) has never been ill a day in his life. His immune system is just that strong. Whatever the issue, he is down to give you whatever cuddles you desire. (I’m bringing back my headcanon of cuddly Yone and NO ONE CAN STOP ME 😋.) Enjoy the forehead kisses and sweet little verbal check-ins.

[salty-croissants]

I’m literally in love with your stuff. Can you maybe to Bullfrog and Rayman with an autistic reader?

Thank you for the request ! 

I’m so happy you’ve been enjoying my writings , it really means a lot ❤️

I gotta say I was a bit worried about not doing this one right … I did put a few things that I personally find relatable as someone who is autistic myself , thought it would be nice to include is all , I hope this works ! 

Details : use of gender neutral reader ; 

established relationships ; 

no warnings needed 

Bullfrog 💚 

So , this frog man ? He loves you unconditionally , and he just really wants you to know that he will always accept you and your unique traits , even when you feel insecure about them …

< I … I don’t know , Bullfrog … sometimes I just feel like all I’m doing is being a burden to y - > 

< Non . Don’t even finish that . 

You’re the most wonderful person I have ever met , y/n , and there isn’t a single day in which I’m not thankful for having you in my life . > 

< Really … ? > 

< Oui , mon amour . I long for nothing more than being with you . > 

< *sniff* > 

< Oh - Are you alright ? I’m so sorry , I didn’t mean to make you cry - > 

< Heh … it’s okay … I’m just really happy . 

I love you so much ~ >

  Bullfrog loves listening to you enthusiastically going on and on about something you’re passionate about , especially when he’s not having a good day : 

just hearing the sound of your voice is so , so very comforting to him … if he could he would sit beside you for days , his attention reserved for you and you alone . 

< … and what’s even more awesome is that there is actually a really subtle easter egg hidden in the background which changes the entire narrative for that charact - 

… wait , how long have I been … ? >

< That is very interesting my dear ! 

Please keep going , j'adore le son de ta voix ~ >

< Aww - > 

Your adorable expressions when he showers you with compliments …

Bullfrog can’t even begin to describe how happy they make him ://)

If being around people gets too overwhelming , Bullfrog is quick to pick up on that and he’ll immediately get you someplace more quiet , willing to do whatever it takes to make sure you’re comfortable and safe … 

< Is this really okay ? I’m so sorry , it’s just … it was so crowded and loud in there , and I … >

< Mon cher , there is no reason for you to be sorry … let’s just stay here for now , then if you wish to try and go back in we can do that , or we can always go back home : I assure you , you’ve already done more than enough tonight … I am very proud of you , and you should be too . > 

And if one day something starts making you very , very anxious ? 

Well , no matter what the reason is and no matter how small it might be Bullfrog is going to stay close to you to help you out in whatever way he can .

< I’m so sorry for making you put up with me like this … you already have so much to take care of , and this … is just dumb . > 

< y/n , ce n'est pas te supporter , you know that .

I want to be there for you , the same way you’re always there for me …

I promise you , we can find a way out of this , you don’t have to deal with it on your own . > 

< Thank you so much , Bullfrog … you’re amazing ~ > 

< Ce serait toi , my dear … I’m truly blessed to have you by my side ~ > 

Rayman 🧡

Saying that you mean a lot to this man would be an understatement …

You mean absolutely everything to him , so you better believe that Rayman will always be careful about all the things that could potentially make you uncomfortable , remembering them all very accurately .

< Here sweetie , hold my hand for a moment … > 

< Oh - okay , but why ? > 

< We’re gonna need to pass through that crowd over there , it should be quick but I don’t want you to get overwhelmed by having many people and loud noises all around , so let’s just stay close until we get through … > 

< Thanks Ray … just … don’t let go , please . > 

< I would never . > 

All the effort Rayman puts into making you feel as comfortable as possible no matter where the two of you are … it never fails to warm your heart . 

If anyone even remotely says something mean spirited about you … 

Ohh boy , he’s not going to let it slide .

< Uh , excuse me ? WHAT was that about my partner ? > 

< Ray , honey , it’s okay … > 

Yeah , Rayman is definitely very protective of you , and he will defend you with no hesitation if anyone dares to try and make you feel inadequate in any way . 

Rayman loves listening to you talk about whatever topics come to your mind while he’s working …

It actually helps him focus quite a lot , and he really never gets bored of seeing how happy you look when info dumping about something you’re passionate about .

You’re just so pretty ! He can’t get over it …

If you tend to lose focus to the point of forgetting to take care of yourself , Rayman has got you covered : he makes sure to remind you to eat and drink water often , even leaving little notes in places where he knows you’ll find them …

���Important : remember to eat today ! <3”

“If you’re reading this … get a glass of water !” 

His devotion to you is nothing less than adorable … but then again , you’re the person he cares about most , the one that showed him kindness without asking for anything in return , so now ? 

Rayman deems it only fair to repay that kindness in his own way . 

[queenofmistresses]

You’re not a whore

A/N this is another selfish fic because my life sucks sometimes and I need my book/tv boyfriends to comfort me

Stiles x reader

My mother always had a way to make me feel like shit. Whether it’s having a go at me for my grades or telling me how useless I am. Today she chose my outfit, and fuck does that hurt.

I spent ages picking this outfit and I actually felt cute in it, something that is really rare for me. The top I’m wearing is a bit boob-y and has an annoying habit of sliding down ever so slightly occasionally, but I wore a big jacket over the top of it to wrap around myself as well as making sure to keep an eye on the top so that I could pull it up if anything happened.

When I got to school my boyfriend wrapped his arms around me from behind, pressing kisses to my shoulder, neck and face, something that is not unusual. He complimented my outfit, making my confidence boost even more, and walked me to class while holding my class.

The rest of my day was good, fairly uneventful and I was able to go home a little early after going to the garage with my car briefly.

When I got home is when it happened. I let my mum know what the man at the garage said so that she was updated and she seemed fairly normal. Then she looked up from the TV to look at me briefly and said, “The men at the garage were probably all staring at your boobs” with a half laugh which told me enough. The worst part is my dad was sat right there listening to us.

I was so embarrassed and felt so degraded so I went straight up to my room, taking the top off and putting the biggest jumper I could find on and not leaving my room. I felt so dejected, every part of me now telling me I’m some kind of slut.

After an hour of lying in bed, doing nothing but sitting and letting my mind spiral, I hear a knock on my window. I forgot he was coming over tonight.

I put on my best smile and open the window letting him in and watching him jump down onto my floor. “Hey-” he starts then pauses for a moment, “what’s wrong?” He asks, always the perceptive one.

“Nothing! I’m fine, did you bring everything?” I ask trying to deter the conversation away from me, but he seems determined to get to the bottom of this.

“Yeah… but you’ve obviously been crying.” That surprises me, I reach my hand up to feel my cheeks and sure enough there are tears.

“Oh. I didn’t even notice.”

“Did something happen? Did someone upset you?” Stiles asks, already stepping closer and making me feel safer now he’s here.

“It’s nothing, my mum just, um, made a comment about my outfit today.” I try to say casually, not looking up at him.

“What kind of comment?” He asks, knowing how my mum can be.

“She said that she thinks all the men at the garage were staring at my…” I indicate, not wanting to say the word, too embarrassed by the whole thing.

“Jesus.” He mutters under his breath, making me look up at him. “You deserve better than that. It’s your choice what you wear, you’re not a child.”

I nod but I still feel doubtful. “But what if she has a point? I’m practically inviting something to happen.”

“What?? No you aren’t, you’re wearing clothes. That’s it. Whether you were wearing that or joggers and a jumper, people are creeps, I hate it but it’s true, and that is not your fault.” I can see him getting really fired up about this, which does reassure me a bit.

I look down again though not wanting to see his face when I say this, “She just made me feel like some cheap whore. Which is stupid because sex work is real work and I think it’s amazing-” Stiles stops me from my ramblings by placing both of his hands on my shoulders.

“I know what you mean. And you are not a whore. Your mum just… I don’t know but she’s wrong, and she shouldn’t have said that. You’re beautiful and I love you, okay?” He makes sure I can see how much he believes in what he’s saying, it makes me almost start crying again.

“Thank you.” I mutter and pull him into a hug, wanting to feel his arms wrapped around me.

After holding him tight for a little while we get set up for our evening and snuggle in bed together watching a movie. He holds me tight and gives me occasional kisses on the top of my head making me feel a little giddy inside. I don’t even realise I’ve fallen asleep until I wake up in the middle of the night to find Stiles holding onto me like I’m his entire lifeline, reminding me that I’m loved even if my mother can’t accept it.

[death---dealer]

👀 not to sound weird or anything but I could've sworn you had posted earlier today, selfies in specific (noticed a notification about it). Now as I do my daily checks on my favorite accounts to see how they've been or what they're doing, I see nothing on about what the notification told me about yours.

Either way, I hope you've been well and been having happy moments and experiences. Stay absolutely amazing and I hope it only gets better for you, hopefully you hit that sweet spot in pregnancy soon where it's mainly the weight of the belly and weird cravings that are bothersome. Take it easy and light! (If you want to of course!)

Random question if you want to answer, "What has been your weirdest craving you've had?" If you have had any,

Love you and stay safe!

I deleted the post because I looked ugly 🥲 lmao. Let’s have a small life update below:

Here are two pics where I don’t look like I’m dying and my hair is actually on point ( thank pregnancy for giving me luminous volume lolol. )

Thank you so much for your kind words! I miss you guys all so much, it really makes me feel sad to know I’m not back and ready to write again. 😭 I have been playing a lot of piano though ( can post vids if you guys are interested at all ), and I really missed it as it is one of my deepest passions. It’s been a step at a time, a week at a time, but I’m hopeful to get something small written and posted soon for all of you!

I feel like I have no bump yet. 😂 I’m waiting but I’ve also heard women don’t pop with their first until later so I’ve been taking progression pics weekly lol. I can’t tell what’s bloat and what’s not anymore as the first month I was just bloated beyond belief no matter what I ate.

Luckily, I am able to incorporate more carbs and sugars back into my diet as I’ve been managing my diabetes like a pro! ( not to brag ). I’ve been baking a lot of breads for my husband and I and they are delicious. 😊 think I’m gonna go to cookies next week and then cakes.

I’ve had two cravings, if that’s what you want to call them ( other than really wanting to eat a candle last week because it smelled SO GOOD ). Aversions have been bigger on my list, taste wise and oddly texture wise.

One craving has been these crispy fried green beans that Birdeye makes. I just air fry them and go to town. Have been surviving off them tbh.

Second is chips ahoy but ONLY the crunchy ones. I will cry if given chewy. Unfortunately, I still can’t gorge myself on sweets so i have to limit myself to one cookie a DAY. And it’s not made me happy. 😭😂

I also want avocado with some chocolate sauce on it but my husband keeps talking me out of trying. 🥲

Wilbur and Zoe are fantastic as usual, Wilbur is still very clingy and I suspect Zoe knows something is going on with me but that could just be my imagination, haha.

[amymbona]

“Every night when I go to bed, I dream of walking up to hundreds of asks in my inbox that could captivate my attention for the whole day and I wouldn't be able to stop writing”

i feel the need to reveal myself as i’m a sucker for fics and i recommended the blurb of soft patrick 🤭 i love your writing style.

you should totally write something where patrick fails to find anyone who truly understands him except for the reader (yk cause they’ve known each other for forever and the reader is like perfect for him and just an overall amazing person). and he fails to find anyone to connect with, if u know what i mean 😈 PLS GET IT IM SO SORRY IDK HOW TO WORD MY THOUGHTS I LOVE JOSH O’CONNOR

"I LOVE JOSH O'CONNOR" WE ALL CHANT IN UNISON🙌🙌🙌🙌

Patrick Zweig, and I stand by this fact, is absolutely in need of a person who wouldn't judge him for any of his actions. Who'd simply listen, hold him if there's a need (and believe me, there is), and simply let him cry his eyes out. He needs a person who wouldn't sugarcoat anything but at the same time is soft spoken and won't yell at him for simply voicing his worries.

And that person is you.

You're the one who holds him after Tashi's injury, after both his girlfriend and his best friend completely wipe him out of their lives, as a result of something he couldn't possibly control. He lays on your lap, head resting on the soft flesh of your thighs, the four walls of your neat dorm swallowing him in a small bubble of warmth and comfort. And you hold him, fingers delicately running through the mess of his curls, while allowing him to ramble for hours on.

"It's just so unfair to me, like how could I possibly guess that this would happen. Not like I was the one who kicked her to the ground and broke her leg."

He's livid, only too physically exhausted to do something about it, to go slap Tashi like she deserves. His poor boy, despite being familiar with the toughest of trainings, can only handle so much, and then mix of his unsatisfied libido and psychosomatic stomach ache doesn't do him any good.

"And that bastard. Did you see him? He wouldn't even let me talk to her! Acting like her fucking bodyguard."

That is the true twist of the knife stabbed into Patrick's heart, the betrayal of his best of friends, the guy he thought he could trust with his own life. It's simply something that Patrick thought would never, ever happen, the complete one-hundred his best man did. Even you can't really believe what you hear.

"I know, Pat," you whisper, the soft movement of your fingers in his hair faltering as you zone off a bit, trying to come up with the best words to soothe him down. Even though it would be best if you just stayed quiet.

Patrick, too used to the comforting touch you've given him, grabs your wrist with an agitated huff and demonstrates the soft scratching of his scalp, silently demanding more.

So you continue, sighing softly and giving Patrick what he wants. You know this will help calm him down, so why not oblige. You'd much rather see him content, at least partially happy where he is.

"It's just unfair," he pout, nuzzling his face deeper into your lower tummy, an arm thrown around your thighs, holding onto you tightly, "Fucking manipulator. I bet he's fucking her right now."

The voice, despite muffled against the fabric of your sweater, actually make you shudder. The sheer idea of someone betraying their best friend purely for the interest in a girl - someone's girl - seems completely unforgivable. Patrick is definitely not in the wrong for being the offended one here.

"Then what if he is," you mutter, hoping to deliver your words in the best suitable tone to Patrick's ears. "Let the shitty people stay together, Patrick. You're better than them."

Patrick's shoulders tremble lightly at your words and he wants to sob, so so deeply trying to take your words to heart, to really believe them. But he's hurt at the moment. And he doesn't believe he is better than anyone else, let alone Tashi and Art who have been percieved as perfect in his eyes so far. Up until now. At the moment, you're the purest image of perfection, the embodiment of it. And he doesn't believe you're actually with him.

"Don't leave me," he simply whispers, too vulnerable to look you in the eyes while saying it. He hopes the light squeeze of your thighs is enough to let you know how much he really needs you.

You sigh, looking down at the mop of curls on your lap, fingers slowly untangling the mess that somebody left there. "I won't, don't worry."

[thetriumphantpanda]

Ghost Of You | J. Miller (Chapter Five)

Series Summary / Grief is a strange thing. In the beginning it had been all-consuming. There wasn’t a moment of the day where you didn’t cry, didn’t ask yourself why it couldn’t have been you instead. And no-one ever explains the guilt you feel when it isn’t anymore. When it’s just a dull ache and you can finally breathe again, when you can start letting people get close to you again. People like Joel Miller.

Pairing / Joel Miller x Widow F!Reader

Word Count / 3.7k

Warnings / FLUFF. ACTUAL FLUFF AND SOME HAPPINESS. Talking about suicide, mourning and descriptions of grief and depression. And a little surprise right at the end that I will not spoil for y'all.

Authors Note / Okay. I LOVE THIS CHAPTER SO MUCH. I have to admit when I wrote it I actually made myself cry and that's no word of a lie. I am having so much fun fleshing this story out and I hope that the slow burn isn't too slow for y'all but I promise these two are moving in the direction we want them to move in - I PROMISE YOU. If you enjoy this then I would LOVE to hear from you - Comments, reblogs and asks genuinely make my day.

Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

A week later, your garden is abuzz with life. Tommy has dragged the kettle grill from his garden into your own and is currently trying to get the coals to light, Joel is standing over his shoulder trying to get him to listen to what he thinks will work. You giggle to yourself when Tommy follows Joel’s instructions, and the flames catch. Younger brother yet again bested by his older brother’s knowledge. 

Maria is stepping out of the kitchen with plates and cutlery, placing them on the table, where Ellie is sat curled on the chair with her nose in a book. She’d come to the library on Monday and switched Artemis Fowl for the Chronicles of Narnia, another good choice in your opinion, and she’d spent most of the last thirty minutes with her nose stuck in the book. 

“Here you go, honey,” Maria pushes a glass of blackberry wine into your hand, “Shane sent us a bloody crate of this stuff, he’s made so much this year.” 

You clink your glass with her own and take a sip, letting the sweet liquid fall down your throat. You have to admit it was getting better with every year. The first year Shane had proudly debuted his wine it was way too sour, everyone apart from Tommy had been too polite to tell him so. The next year, it had been drowned in enough sugar to give anyone diabetes, but now he was getting the hang of it, and with the sun starting to lower in the sky and all your favourite people, apart from one, around you, you had to admit you thought you were happy. 

You’d spent all day cooking side dishes that you’d saved up your ration cards for. Potato salad, a slapdash attempt at Greek salad, just without feta and balsamic vinegar, you’d even made a fresh loaf of bread. Maria and Tommy had brought meat to grill – there were steaks from the last lot of cows to have been slaughtered, chicken that Maria had skewered with peppers, and even burgers and sausages. Your luck to have found this place never failed to amaze you. You could convince yourself all this was back on the street you’d lived at in California before outbreak day. Ellie had even attempted to make a pie as dessert. She’d lifted the cloth covering the pastry when she’d knocked on the door, Joel in tow. 

“It’s apple, because I remember you saying that was your favourite,” You’d smiled and pulled her into a quick hug, “Joel insisted on a whole pastry lid though, something about it being better than the lattice.” 

You’d looked him in the eye, “Well, Joel is outnumbered here, but we’ll let him off for tonight.” 

He’d dipped to kiss your cheek as he’d walked in through the threshold, passing a bottle of whiskey to you, “If you set that in the freezer it’ll be nice and chilled for something to drink after dinner.” 

Once the flames have died down and the coals are embers, you watch Tommy set the chicken skewers on the grill. You head inside and pull your sides out of the fridge, cutting slices of bread. There’s a tiny amount of butter left which you also pull out, setting everything on the table outside, watching as Ellie’s eyes bulge at foods she’d never experienced before. You smirk at her, whispering that she’s welcome to try anything she wants but to make sure Joel doesn’t catch her, sure that he’ll chide her for her manners. 

You go back inside and pull another plate out for Tommy to set the cooked meat on and fill two tumblers of whiskey for the two of them, setting them on the empty plate to take them down to the men. 

“It never fails to amaze me how much cooking on fire takes you men back to the dark ages.” You joke, holding the plate out for Joel to take a glass, which he does gladly, neither him nor Tommy enjoying Shane’s homebrewed beer much by the looks of it.

You hand Tommy the plate once he’s taken his own glass, “Didn’t Sarah always used to say the same thing?” Tommy asked, Joel nods in agreement, “Somethin’ about being cavemen.” 

You laugh and leave them to it, heading back to the table where Maria and Ellie are talking together. As you sit down you can tell that Ellie is attempting (and failing) to get Maria to let her try her wine. 

“You don’t want this, trust me,” You smirk, sitting down on the chair next to her, “I’ve been drinking my entire life and it’s already going to my head.” 

You make polite conversation around the table for a little while until Tommy is walking towards you with a plate full of grilled meat. He sets it down before he sits down next to his wife, Joel taking the other unoccupied chair opposite you. Within moments, plates are full and you’re all eating in silence. 

Joel watches you intently as you cut a slice of steak. He watches as your eyes close and your head tilts back a little until a little groan falls from your mouth. He can’t stop his brain from thinking how much he’d like to be the one making your eyes close and your head tilt back like that. God, he really was getting old if a singular glass of whiskey had him thinking like this. He drags his gaze from you back to his own plate of food, so you don’t catch the darkening of his eyes. 

“Tommy, Jesus Christ, I haven’t had steak like this in so long.” You’re praising his brother, breaking off a slice of bread to dip into the dripping that’s come from the resting steak. 

Everyone is silent as you make your way through the rest of the meal. Once you’ve all eaten your fill there’s less left that you thought there would be, everyone obviously making the most of the rare luxury of meat. 

Ellie insists that although you’re all fit to burst, you have to try a slice of apple pie and you’re thankful you did. She’d done an absolutely fantastic job of it on her own and you couldn’t help the swell of your heart as she’d grinned when you told her it was just as good as the one you’d made together, backed up by everyone else around the table. 

Maria and Ellie do the dishes together, packaging up leftovers for everyone to take home with them for the next day as Joel and Tommy start a small fire on the grass of your garden in a small drum that you don’t dare ask where he got it from. You tell Ellie about your days camping with your dad, toasting marshmallows and getting sticky when you tried to pull it off the toasting stick. 

You drink whiskey for the first time in ages as you swap stories across the fire and you can’t help but smile. You love this little bunch of people, the five of them, sat around, keeping you company, making everything seem just that little bit easier. 

You glance to your left a little while later, Ellie is asleep, resting her head on her hand. The conversation has lulled a little, Maria and Tommy are holding each other’s hands, glancing at Ellie too. 

“I think I’m ready to call it a night,” Maria speaks, “We’ll take Ellie back to yours Joel, you stay here and finish your drink.” 

He’s just poured himself another glass of whiskey from the bottle and is cradling it in his impossibly large hands. He nods, gently waking Ellie to tell her that Maria and Tommy will walk her home and he’ll be back soon once he finishes his drink. She doesn’t argue, standing up with a yawn. 

“Thanks for today,” She says to you, bending down to your chair to give you a quick hug, “I’m glad you liked the pie.” 

You smile at her and say that you hope you’ll see her soon, bidding her a goodnight. She gives Joel a hug too, telling him not to stay out too late because he’s an old man. He snorts but agrees he won’t stay long. 

Maria and Tommy also give you a hug, insisting that you stay put instead of standing. And then they’re all gone and it’s just you and Joel sat around the fire. It’s quiet, the silent never uncomfortable between the two of you. 

“Can I ask a question?” You ask quietly, once the silence becomes too much, looking down at the glass of whiskey in your hands. 

The fire is warm, even if its flames have died down. It’s casting a gentle orange glow across Joel’s features which makes him look soft, even more welcoming than normal. 

“Of course you can.” He replies, sipping his own drink. 

“How long did it take for you to feel okay again?” You can’t look him in the eye, can’t look at him altogether, it’s a personal question, one you never thought you’d feel okay asking, but the wine and whiskey have made you brave, “You know, after Sarah?” 

He’s silent for a long time. Long enough that you wonder if you’ve upset him. You’re about to open your mouth to apologise for overstepping a line when he speaks, “It wasn’t time that did it,” He answers, thinking back to the last time he’d said those words, it’s still true, “It’s more about what I found that made it easier.” 

You’re running a finger around the rim of your glass trying to distract yourself but you can feel his eyes on you, “It never goes away, not really,” He sighs, “Not to make you feel even worse about things, but it shrinks a little, until you can remember all the good things about that person, instead of how much it hurts that you don’t have them anymore.” 

“What was it like for you?” You look at him now and fuck he’s pretty. No amount of grief would deny the way your stomach flipped when you see him in this moment. The flickering orange light of the flame illuminating the shadows of his face, his eyes are darker than normal, and you think you might just drown yourself in them if you look any longer, “What was your grief like?” You look away, trying to ignore the lump in your throat. 

You watch as he leans his elbow on the arm of the chair, resting his fingers on his mouth as if he’s contemplating what to say to you, “I couldn’t see the point of life without her anymore,” He speaks softly, “Sarah was gone, the world was gone, so what was I still doin’ here, you know?” You nod, because you do know. You know all too well. “In those first few days after I tried to kill myself,” You let in a sharp inhale of breath, which he doesn’t acknowledge, “I was ready, I wasn’t scared, but I flinched, and for twenty years I always wondered why. Why did I flinch when I pulled that trigger?” He’s silent again for a while and you want to reach out and offer your hand to him, but again, you don’t, you keep it in your own lap, “I guess what I’m tryin’ to say is that it won’t always break your heart, but I think you already know that,” You nod in agreement as you close your eyes, “You’ve just gotta find the next thing worth livin’ for.” 

You want to tell him you’re sorry, but when had that ever helped you? No amount of sorry from anyone was going to bring your respective people back. You’d always thought that saying sorry was a cop out anyway. Something someone said when they didn’t know what else to say, so you didn’t. 

“You know, it never even crossed my mind.” You muse, mostly to yourself than anything else. 

“What didn’t?”

“Killing myself,” You reply almost immediately, “I think now that it would have been the easiest thing, I could have been with him, I wouldn’t have been here to listen to everyone gossip about me, I wouldn’t have spent a year of my life practically locked in my house, but it never once crossed my mind.” 

“You wanna know what I think?” He asks, watching you as you nod, “I think that’s because deep down you knew you’d be okay, whether you realized it or not,” He’s reaching for the nearly empty bottle of whiskey to top his glass up, “I know it hurts, sweet pea, trust me, but you’ll know what love is again someday.” 

It’s such a striking thing for him to say that it catches you completely off guard. Outside of the handful of times this evening that you’ve caught yourself thinking of how utterly beautiful a man Joel Miller is, you’ve never thought about finding someone else. Mark was meant to be your one and only, you’ve vowed to each other that was the case, signed your names on a piece of paper to the same effect. ‘Til death us do part. It’s silly but when you’d uttered those words to Mark, you’d always imagined dying together. Old age, hands held, drifting off together. In reality it hadn’t been old age, but you’d held hands, right until the bitter end, but then you were left here, all alone, and he was gone. 

“You know those romantic movies we used to watch before?” 

“You used to watch.” He interrupts, a small smile on his face. 

“Alright, those romantic movies I used to watch,” You let out a little giggle, “Whenever someone died before their time, they would inevitably get just the right amount of time to tell the person they loved that they wanted to move on?” Joel nods that he knows what you’re talking about, “I guess I’ve always thought I needed his permission, not really just to find someone else, but to move on and live my life again.” 

“Did you need his permission for much when he was around?” He asks. 

You shake your head, “He was always so laid back, even when we were on our own out of the quarantine zones, we were a team, but we understood each other, understood what we both needed, so no, not really.” 

Joel speaks without a pause, “Then you just need to ask yourself for permission then.” 

Silence falls between you both again. You’re staring at the flames in front of you and draining your glass of whiskey. It was never your favourite, you didn’t like the way it burnt on your tongue or the feeling of it settling in your stomach, but like anything in this world, it was the case of any port in a storm. Joel follows suit and drains the last of his drink. 

“I should really be gettin’ back,” He speaks softly, “But thank you, for today, it’s been one of the nicest days I can remember.” 

You both stand up, Joel taking the empty glasses and you taking hold of the whiskey bottle with the last bit of amber liquid in the bottom. He walks in front, stopping to drop the glasses in the sink which you insist you’ll wash up yourself. You set the whiskey bottle on the side and follow him to the front door. 

He pauses before he can turn the handle and open the door and you wonder what’s going on. Joel is the kind of man who is always sure of his actions, never falters, but his hand is outstretched and he’s not moving. You’re leant against the wall on one shoulder at the bottom of the stairs that lead to the top floor of your house when he turns back around to you. 

“I think he’d want you to be happy, sweet pea,” He breathes, “You have too much love in here to not give it to anyone else.” His fingertips are brushing the space between your breasts where your heart is, and you wonder when he got so fucking close to you.

You look up and he’s looming over you, those beautiful brown eyes looking directly through yours and into your soul. His hands are cupping your cheeks. Those rough and calloused palms are warm against your skin which had cooled in the evening air. You can’t quite believe it but you’re tilting your face up towards him and he’s leaning his down towards yours and before you know it, his lips are pressed to yours so softly you might cry. You can sense his hesitation but as your eyes flutter closed, you’re pushing yourself onto your toes to press your lips more firmly to his. 

And then it all comes crashing over you. The moment you close your eyes, it’s not Joel’s face in your mind, it’s Mark’s. It’s his hands cupping your face, they were softer than Joel’s. It was hit scent you could remember through your nostrils, not the smoke and musk you could smell of Joel. Your hands are fisting the lapels of his jacket as you pull away, pulling in a sigh as he rests his forehead against yours before pulling himself away. He’s still close enough that your hands are still on his jacket, but he’s dropped his hands from his face. 

“I’m sorry, Joel,” You whisper, shaking your head, “I can’t.” Is what you murmur. 

He drops his head and steps back from you, making your hands drop from his jacket, he’s turning on his heel and heading to the door with a mumbled apology. 

“Joel!” You call out before he has chance to shut the door behind him, he turns and faces you, “I’m not saying never,” You confess, “Just not right now.” 

You watch as a flash of hope appears on his face and he’s giving you that signature lop-sided smile, “I’ll wait, sweet pea.” And then he’s gone. 

*

It’s late and Joel can’t sleep. He’s been tossing and turning since he got into bed an hour ago, replaying the events of the evening in his mind. He’s trying to blame his irrational choice to kiss you on the whiskey, but he knows it isn’t true. Every day he’s seen you since you sat down and ate strawberry pie together, he’s wanted to kiss you. Wanted to kiss the sadness and the grief out of your body and put you back together again. It had nothing to do with the whiskey and everything to do with you. 

The way you’d asked him about his own grief, so quiet and unsure as to whether you were overstepping a line. The way you’d listened to him talk about wanting to end everything but didn’t offer an apology or the look in your eyes that told him you felt sorry for him. The way that every time he spoke to you, you opened up a little bit more, let him in a little more. Hell, even the way you’d winced at every mouthful of whiskey. It was all you. And it had been a dumb fucking decision. 

He could hear the break in your voice as you’d told him you couldn’t, like you were afraid of letting him down. He couldn’t stop thinking about how you’d said, ‘Just not right now’ and his stupid smile at your words. He didn’t want to push your boundaries this much, didn’t want you to think you owed him anything. He just wanted to make you less miserable. 

He runs a hand over his face and grumbles to himself. He knows sleep won’t find him now. His head won’t shut up and all he really wants to do is run to your front step and tell you he’s sorry, that you don’t have to make him feel better by telling him to wait if you don’t mean it. He’ll never forget the spark of electricity down his spine when your lips touched him, or how he craved to push his whole body against yours when your hands had pulled at the lapel of his jacket, but he doesn’t need you to feel like you must want him back. 

If only he knew that you were led in your own bed, a few streets over, in a similar state of insomnia. Led in your bed, staring up at the ceiling, wishing that Mark’s face hadn’t been at the forefront of your mind when you’d closed your eyes. That’s what does it, what fills your body with panic. That you wished for the first time that you didn’t think about him. You’d wanted it to be all Joel, consumed by him, you didn’t want Mark’s face in the back of your mind. 

Tears roll down your cheeks and onto your pillow. Your brain is telling you that soon enough he won’t be there. You keep wishing he wasn’t, and he won’t be, you’ll forget about him, forget the shape of his body against yours, the sound of his voice in your ear, and surely that’s not right. Surely you should always want to remember him. Your first love, your first everything, really. 

Joel was a good man. One of the best you’d ever had the pleasure of knowing, and he didn’t deserve someone who wasn’t able to give their all, someone who would always close their eyes and see their dead husband. You couldn’t make him wait for you, but could you let him go? Could you let Joel go? The man who had fixed your rotted porch step just because he didn’t want you to hurt yourself. The man who didn’t push you for insight into your grief, just stood there and let you be, letting you share when you were ready. The man who had been through the same kind of loss as you and had been walking around for the last twenty years knowing he failed at ending it all. 

You run a hand over your face and decide that no, you couldn’t let him walk away, but you weren’t quite ready to let someone in like that. You needed to speak to him, to lay all your cards on the table for once, and that scared the shit out of you. It was time to put your big girl pants on and face the music. 

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[daydreamingyuta]

Haechan #1 and #11 pls! Maybe a friends to lovers scenario???

Listen to Me | Haechan

Genre: Romance, Fluff, Angst

Word Count: 925

Prompts: #1 "I couldn't be more in love with you." and #11 "It's two in the morning, why are you here?"

A/N:  Thank you for requesting!! I feel like I haven't wrote a Haechan fic in forever and I've missed it! I hope you like it <3

As you've just finished washing your face, your phone lights up with a call from your bestfriend, Haechan. He knows how long of a day it's been for you and he's calling just so you can rant to him about everything.

"Hey Haechan." you say as you answer the call.

"I wish you would listen to me more y/n." He says. He's told you this a thousand times and every time you wish you had actually followed his advice.

"I know." You say quietly, holding in your tears the best you can.

"I can spot a horrible guy before you can, you know that. Please y/n, next time I tell you not to start seeing someone, please listen to me. I hate seeing you get hurt like this."

Of course you knew this to be true. He had told you about this guy months before you started to go out with him, but still, your heart got the best of you and you didn't listen to your bestfriend once again.

The thing was though, you weren't even serious about this guy. You're not even that hurt about the whole situation. What's really bothering you is that you know Haechan is always right about these kinds of things, and you still never listen. You're so tired to getting yourself into these situations. And for some reason, hearing him say this to you again, was hitting you so hard this time.

You start to vent all of these feelings to him. It's really what you needed at the moment, and he knows that. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you, and Haechan is always there for you.

"I just don't know why I always do this. I wish I didn't feel so unloveable sometimes. And I wish I didn't put myself in these situations time and time again."

Talking to him always makes you feel better, but for some reason tonight was a little different. The whole time you just felt like crying. You never cry in front of him, you never cry in front of anyone really. So when you felt the tears coming, you knew you had to end the phone call.

"Haechan, I think I'm gonna go. But thank you so much for always being here for me." You hang up before he could say his goodbye, the tears already starting to fall.

Haechan could hear it in your voice that you weren't alright. And you hanging up was very odd of you to do.

He went back and forth in his mind about how he could help you. He knew that you were fully capable to taking care of yourself, and sometimes all you need is to be alone, but the fact that you called yourself unloveable wasn't sitting right with him.

If you only knew how he felt about you. If you only knew just how loved you already were. This is what causes him to finally decide to go to your place, and be with you in person.

⸻

You've almost fallen asleep when you hear a knock at your door. You almost don't answer it, but then you get a text from Haechan asking you to let him in.

You open the door, but don't let him in right away. "Haechan, it's two in the morning, why are you here?"

“I just need to make sure that you’re ok.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just needed to vent.”

“You’re not unloveable y/n.”

It takes you a minute to process what he's saying. You don't really know how to respond to that. You nod your head a little, but you're not making eye contact with him and he can tell that you don't believe him.

"I love you y/n. You have to know that by now."

"Yeah, I love you too Haechan, you're my bestfriend."

He makes that face he always makes when he gets a little frustrated as he walks into your apartment. "I just wish you would choose guys that see how amazing you are."

"Me too Haechan, but I swear guys like that don't exist."

“...I do.” Haechan says, closing the gap in between you two.

“Yeah but you could never like me. I don’t even come close to the girls you go out with.” You say, quietly because Haechan's sudden closeness is making you question what you just said.

“no.. y/n. You’re so wrong. I couldn’t be more in love with you. So don’t even think that you’re unloveable because I’ve been crazy about you for so long now.”

You don’t know how to process this new information. Everything he's saying is sudden, but at the same time not sudden at all. You've always secretly longed for Haechan, but you have never allowed it to become more than just a silly little daydream. But now, Haechan's so close to you, looking at you with those eyes, and it's making the butterflies in your stomach go crazy.

He's not going to make a move until you do, the decision is yours. Your heart is racing but your mind couldn't be more clear. Maybe he was expecting you to kiss him, but instead you wrap your arms around him in a hug. You almost think that he’s not going to hug you back, but then he wraps his arms around you and comforts you in the warmest hug.

His hugs have always been special to you. Given at just the right time, when you need comfort the most. Both your minds might be racing from what was just said, but for right now all you two wanted to do was be in each others arms.

[canirove]

Rice, Rice, baby | Chapter 9

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Masterlist

“Your face right now is telling me everything, but I need details. How is Paris?” Kennedy asks me over facetime.

“Amazing” I sigh, letting myself fall on the huge bed. As expected, it is the most comfortable bed ever. 

“Details, Liv.”

“Ok, details” I laugh. “Yesterday we had dinner on a boat in the Seine from where we watched the Eiffel tower get all sparkly. This morning we had breakfast at the hotel's rooftop with the city as our background and I ate the best pain au chocolat of my life. Then he took me to the hotel's kitchens, where he had booked some baking lessons with one of the best bakers in the world and who also happens to be a chocolate master or something like that, and he taught us how to make chocolates and the best chocolate cake ever. After that we went to a restaurant nearby where we had the most delicious meal, then we went for a walk around the city, did some shopping and some touristy things, and now I'm back in my room resting before I start getting ready for dinner. Oh, and he's also been taking like a hundred photos and videos of me. I feel like some kind of celebrity.”

“Aww, that's cute. He wants to remember everything! And I love how fast he realized that the way to your heart is your stomach” she laughs.

“Yeah” I smile.

“I also love the way you've been smiling since you picked up the phone.”

“Oh, c'mon. You too?”

“What?” Kennedy says with a confused look.

“Declan keeps telling me that he is taking so many photos of me because of my smile. Because it's making me look even more beautiful or some cheesy thing like that.”

“Well, he's not wrong, Liv.”

“But it is just a smile, Kennedy. My smile. There is nothing special about it” I reply, rolling my eyes.

“Yes, there is. That's the smile of someone who is truly happy and having a wonderful time in the city of love with the guy she loves. Maybe making love too?” she smirks.

“I don't love Declan. Or done anything” I say, sitting up on the bed and looking away, my cheeks on fire.

“Wait, you still haven't slept together?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“It just… hasn't happened” I shrug.

“Liv, are you ok? Is there something wrong?” 

“No.”

“Liv, I'm your friend. You can trust me.”

“I know.”

“Then tell me, what is it?”

“It's just that… That… That I'm a bit scared about doing it with him” I confess.

“Why? Has he done anything I should worry about? Do I have to throw the dogs at him the next time I see him?” 

“What? No, no! He's been lovely and hasn't pressured me or anything like that. He hasn't even tried anything. It's all me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well… I…” C'mon, Olivia. It's Kennedy, you know you can tell her. “I'm not the most experienced in that department.”

“Wait, are you…”

“Almost.”

“Almost?” she chuckles. “Sorry. I'm sorry, Liv. I shouldn't laugh. It's just that I don't understand how you are almost a virgin.”

“I've only been with one guy, my last boyfriend. It was my longest relationship and the one with whom I felt comfortable enough to do it. But it happened twice, and I feel as if it actually didn't. And I'm 100% sure Declan is experienced. Like… a lot.” Is this one of the most awkward and uncomfortable conversations of my life? Definitely.

“Liv, you have to tell him.”

“What?”

“If things lead you there, you must tell him how you feel. You should not have to do something you don't want to or are uncomfortable with just because he does.”

“But Kennedy, I… I… I want to do it.” And pretty badly depending on the moment of the day.

“Oh, ok. That's good” she says. “But you must talk to him before you do anything. Declan is one of the good ones, I'm sure he'll understand. And… I have to go, I can hear the twins crying.”

“Ok.”

“Liv… Talk to him.”

“I will.”

“Promise?” Kennedy asks.

“Yes, I promise” I sigh.

“Great. And if you actually do it… Get ready to tell me all the details” she smirks.

“Urgh, no wonder you and Madders are together” I say, rolling my eyes but also smiling. “You are made for each other.”

“I know” she replies. “And enjoy, Liv. You deserve it. See you soon, ok?”

“Ok. Bye, Kennedy” I say before hanging up. 

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel. As if it was that easy…

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

It's happening. It is actually happening. Declan and I are… We are having sex.

And it all started when he came to pick me up to go out for dinner.

“Wow, Liv. You look… breathtaking” he says, looking at me from head to toe. And not once or twice. Three times.

“Thank you” I reply, my face burning. “You look nice too.”

“Just nice?” he chuckles, his eyes finally meeting mine. Which is a big mistake, because now the heat I was feeling on my face is spreading all over my body. He had never looked at me like that. 

“Yeah… sorry” I shrug, trying to look causal. Causal… ha! 

“Shall we get going? The traffic can be a nightmare and I don't want to be late for our reservation.”

“Of course” I nod, closing my room's door behind me.

“Breathtaking, Liv” Declan whispers in my ear while wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer to him, the closeness and his perfume once again making me feel a bit light in the head. But in a good way. The best way.

On our way to the restaurant he stayed as close to me as his seatbelt allowed him to, his hand not leaving my thigh as it slowly moved up and down, his thumb sometimes doing small circles on my skin. And it was torture, because I've been obsessed with his hands and the way he touches things since the day we met and he was drinking that first coffee I made for him. I couldn't stop looking at the way he was holding his mug and moving it on his hand, at how he was resting the other on the sofa’s arm, his fingers sometimes moving over it, almost caressing it. I wanted him to touch me like that too, and in that car, he was finally doing it. 

And once in the restaurant, the fanciest we have visited in our little trip, one of his hands was always on me. On my lower back as we walked in. On my arms or my shoulders as he helped me sit down. Holding my own hand or brushing his fingers against mine while we were checking the menu and waiting to order. He only stopped while we were eating, though when it was time for dessert, he moved his chair to be next to me so we could share the cake we had been recommended (a chocolate one, of course).

“Won't they tell us something for moving the chairs?”

“Nah, don't worry” Declan says, putting behind my ear a lock of hair that had gotten loose from my updo. “I love it when you wear your hair like this, Liv” he says, his fingers slowly moving down my neck. He has to be noticing how hot I am right now. The whole restaurant must.

“Thank you” I gulp.

“You have such a beautiful neck. And your shoulders…” he says, kissing the closest to him. “I love your shoulders too.”

“I… ummm… Are you sure you don't want a bite of the cake?”

“I’m fine” he says, his fingers now moving up and down the back of my neck, tickling me.

“Yeah, well… I'm not.”

“What?”

“I can't focus on eating if you are touching me like that, Declan.”

“Don't you like it?” he asks, arching an eyebrow.

“Quite the opposite.”

“Should I keep doing it, then?” 

“Yes… But not here.”

“Not here? What do you mean?” he says, trying to look innocent. Him. Innocent. You just have to laugh.

“I want to go back to the hotel, Declan.”

“And the cake? Don't you want to eat it?”

“No. I want…” C'mon, Olivia. Say it. Don't be a coward. 

“What do you want, Liv?” he whispers in my ear, the way his lips brush against it making me gasp. 

“I want… I want you to eat me.” Wohoo! She said it! 

“It'll be my pleasure, Olivia. And yours.”

And now here we are. Declan leaving kisses on my stomach as he keeps moving down, definitely getting ready to do what I asked him to do in the restaurant.

“May I?” he asks, looking down at my underwear. I'm not wearing the prettiest of knickers since this was supposed to be a trip with Kennedy and I just packed comfortable things, but oh well. 

“Yes” I nod, the feeling of being completely naked in front of him making me suddenly feel too conscious about my body. But it doesn't last long. The moment he kisses my inner thigh, all my thoughts about how I may look or what he may see or think, are gone. It's only the way his lips feel on my skin, how it burns where he has touched me. And then… 

I don't have words to describe what happens next. What he makes me feel, the way my body reacts to it. It isn't anywhere close to what my ex had done, or to what I myself have managed to do. 

“Are you ok, Liv?” Declan asks while kissing my neck once again. 

“Hmm” I nod.

“Did that feel good?” he says, moving to look me in the eyes, the cheekiest smile ever on his face.

“What do you think?”

“I have a slight idea” he replies, still smiling. “Should we keep going?”

“Please.”

“So polite” he laughs before kissing me, his hands moving all over my body once again, making it move on its own, asking for more. “Fuck, Liv…” he whispers in my ear. “I want you.”

“I want you too” I manage to say. “Where…” 

“I'm not going anywhere, Liv. Don't worry ” he laughs when he moves from being on top of me. “But I can't get rid of my underwear with your legs tangled around me.” 

“Oh, yes, of course” I reply, looking anywhere but at him. He is stark naked in front of me.

“You are so cute when you go all shy.”

“I…” But I'm not able to protest, to call him an idiot like I was planning to. Because he is kissing me again, and this time with more passion, with more need. 

"Declan…” I say, trying to stay focused. “Declan, wait.”

“What happened?”

"You can't do that” I say, looking down at where his hand is. At his… Well, you know.

"Why?"

"Because you aren't wearing a condom."

"I'll pull out, Liv. It's ok."

"No, it isn't."

"I know what I'm doing, relax" he says, starting to kiss my neck. "Just relax and enjoy."

"Dec…" I whisper, starting to get lost on him again. "Declan… Declan, no. Stop."

"Liv, c'mon."

"I said no. I'm not going any further without protection."

"Ok, fine. Let me see if I have one in my wallet…" he says, looking for his trousers.

"There is no need, I'm done."

"What?" he laughs.

"I don't want to do anything else. I'm not in the mood anymore."

"Seriously?"

"Yes, seriously" I say, grabbing the sheets and covering myself.

"Liv, what… I…”

“I'm sorry, Declan.”

“But…”

“I'm sorry. Can you please go?” 

“Go? Where?”

“You have your own room, don't you?” I shrug, my eyes fixed on my hands. I can't look at him right now. I can't.

"I… Ok” he says, picking up his things and leaving my room, definitely closing the door with more force than it was needed.

Well done, Olivia. Well done. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

Knock, knock.

“What…”

Knock, knock.

“Go away.”

Knock, knock, knock.

“Oh, for fucks sake. I'm coming!” I groan, getting out of bed. Or trying to, because my legs have got tangled on the sheets. “This better be important, because I was… Declan?” I say when I open my room's door.

“Good morning, Liv” he smiles. “Did I wake you up?”

“You… you actually did, yes.” 

“Oh, I'm sorry. But I wanted to see you. I needed to give you this” he says, showing me a huge bouquet of flowers.

“Are those… for me?” I gasp.

“All yours. I wanted to apologize for what happened last night.”

“You don't need to apologize for anything, Declan. I do.”

“Liv, you did nothing wrong, it was all me. But why don't we discuss this inside your room? Maybe… while having breakfast?” he says, now getting one of those serving trays with wheels out of nowhere.

“Did you plan all of this beforehand?” I chuckle.

“I couldn't sleep after what happened, so I may have spent the night thinking about what I could do so you would forgive me” he shrugs.

“I couldn't sleep either.”

“Really? Your crazy hair says otherwise” he smirks.

“My… shit” I say, trying to tame it down a bit. “I was so tired after everything we did throughout the day that I ended up falling asleep, but it took me hours.”

“Sorry. Can I come in, then?”

“Do you have pain au chocolat there?”

“Of course I do.”

“Ok” I say, moving to one side so he can walk in. “If you don't mind, I'm gonna make myself look a bit more presentable.”

“You don't have to, Liv. I like you like that.”

“Yeah, well, ummm…” Did he just say that he likes me… Like this? With crazy hair and my breath smelling like shit? Not sleeping has definitely affected him. “I'm still going to refresh myself.”

“I'll get our breakfast ready while you do it. Maybe put those flowers somewhere too” he says, nodding towards the bouquet in my hands.

“Oh, yes, the flowers.”

“Do you like them?”

“I love them, Declan. No one had ever gifted me flowers before.”

“Really?” 

“Yeah.”

“Well, then this will be the first time of many” he says, his fingers touching mine as he gets the flowers, the same electricity I felt when we first touched months ago still being there. 

“Thank you. And I should… I should go. To the bathroom. Yes” I say, awkwardly walking away. Dear lord, Olivia. Sometimes you are so… facepalm. 

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

“Best pain au chocolat ever?” Declan asks.

“Ever” I say, my mouth still full.

“Glad to know I can still make you happy with food” he chuckles.

“Kennedy says that it is the way to my heart” I shrug.

“And she may not be wrong” he smiles. “So… Umm… About last night…”

“I'm sorry” we both say at the same time.

“Liv, I already told you. You don't have to apologize about anything, it was all me. I was the one who ruined your birthday trip.”

“Declan, you didn't ruin anything. This trip has been one of the best of my life even if we didn't… you know” I say, my cheeks getting warmer by the second.

“But I was so tupid, Liv. I should have been ready. I should have thought about you, about your feelings, about the possibility of you not being comfortable with me not using protection. But I got carried away and I… I'm sorry.”

“It's ok. I should have probably also told you about how I felt. About my worries and all that. Kennedy told me to do it, but I… I don't know. I guess I got scared and too embarrassed” I say, focusing on my fingers. 

“Embarrassed?”

“Yeah, I… It doesn't matter.”

“Liv…”

“It doesn't matter, Declan.”

“If it worries you and you talked about it with Kennedy, it does matter. C'mon, Liv. Tell me what is going on inside that pretty head of yours” he says, taking my hands on his and giving them a little squeeze. Also, did he just say that my head is pretty? 

“I just… I… Ok” I sigh. “I was worried about sleeping with you because I've only been with one guy and it wasn't the best experience.” There. I said it. If he wasn't holding my hands, right now I would be running towards the bathroom and hiding there for the rest of my life.

“Did he hurt you?”

“No, no. It wasn't pleasant but not like that.”

“Oh… I see. But Liv… Liv, look at me” he says, grabbing my chin and making me look at him. At those stupidly beautiful blue eyes with their stupid long lashes that I'm pretty sure I will never get tired of. “That isn't embarrassing.”

“Isn't it?”

“It isn't” he says, the hand that was on my chin now caressing my cheek. “But you have to promise me something.”

“Ok” I whisper, my brain already starting to disconnect, only being able to focus on his fingers touching my face. 

“If in the future we do it again… If you want to do it again… You have to promise me that you will talk to me. That you will tell me what you like, what you don't like, if you want to go slower, to stop because you aren't comfortable… It doesn't matter. You choose the rhythm, Liv. Only you.”

“Ok” I repeat. “But you have to promise me something too.”

“Anything.”

“No more unprotected sex. With me or with anyone.”

“No more pulling out, I promise. I'm buying a box of condoms the moment we leave the hotel.”

“You can also buy them back home once you are on your own, you know?”

“Ok, fair” Declan laughs. “I've already made you blush enough for today. Right now you are matching my Arsenal shirt.”

“Idiot” I say, hitting his arm as hard as I can.

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry” he chuckles. “But I like it when you blush. Because I like you, Liv. A lot” he says before kissing me, not allowing me to freak out about the fact that he just said that he likes me.

Declan freaking Rice… likes me. A lot.