#actually probably not tomorrow bc i have piano and rehearsal

[missenden]

5.3.17 3:07am

My homesickness died away very quickly thankfully! I love being home but I also love my independence here in Sydney. While I miss my family, it’s strangely easy for me to function without them here. I love my freedom. There’s not much I’d trade it for in this world.

This week has been very busy! I took on an orchestra gig with John’s orchestra, the concert of which was on Friday night. I enjoyed it and thought it was fun + good to bash through repertoire; Brahms 2 and the Dvorak Cello Concerto were great pieces to bring me back into the orchestral side of my music making. On top of that, it was great to see my music friends again.

I also helped at O Week on Wednesday and Thursday; I had a great time helping out at the SUAMS stall with all our committee; if I’d been this friendly with everyone before I’d quit the exec, maybe I wouldn’t have quit.

Speaking of that........I quit the SUAMS exec before the uni year even started lol shit. And all that based on thinking I was going to miss the welcoming event which I’m now still able to go to...nice one, Alyssa. Really organised, you are. Though really, I think quitting the exec was probably a good idea... I think I wanted to be on there for the wrong reasons. I’ve achieved pretty much what I wanted to achieve, and I think it’s best for someone who can commit their full time to the job instead of me half assing it. And also I still feel (to an extent) like an outsider. But yeah. What’s done is done. And I have until AGM to enjoy being able to fit in to doing exec stuff with all the other law students.

I also dropped out of the music tour I was meant to go on in April to Europe... Somehow coincidence has made it that the night before I rang SYO telling them that I can’t go because of uni (missing 2 exams and 2 assignments is really not a good idea), someone tried to join the tour; hopefully this means we only lose $300 instead of 2k. Really really hope this works out. Bummed I can’t go, but really I think the idea is so abstract that I haven’t even really started to get excited about it yet. That said, the fomo is going to hit me really really hard when everyone goes over I think.

At the O week stalls I joined my uni’s social soccer society and the piano society; they have lots of small weekly events so hopefully I’ll be able to commit to those and have some fun! Had ramen with Charlotte after walking around the stalls which was great.

On Thursday night I went to a law party and remembered exactly why I’m not really friends with people who do law. So many of them just seem so pretentious, wanky and obsessed with acting older than they are; what kind of 19 or 20 year old rocks up to a club in a full suit and dress shoes? It just seems so strange to me really. Anyway, discounting this, it just seemed to me that so many people are trying so hard to network and meet people for the sake of their future careers...and I wonder if that’s really going to make me happy (bc right now it really does not...). Which led to me thinking that maybe it’s a good thing that I’ve dropped so many of my commitments; maybe I’ll be able to try some new things (soccer, piano, find a karate club etc) and be a happier person.

I’m always stressed; it’s probably my most defining feature along with my ability to work hard. I hope I can let some of that stress go and have more fun; if I can’t relax now, when will I ever in my life? Maybe it’s time to chase what makes me happy while I still have the opportunity to, and not worry so much about my resume and doing everything to keep up with the crowd of crazy law students who seem to find satisfaction in being execs for things like the accounting society. Maybe my goals aren’t the same as theirs, and therefore my journey is one that takes a different route to theirs too...only time and a lot more thinking will tell.

I’ve really got to bloody sleep because it’s late and I have rehearsal tomorrow; I’ll finish up with a quick note about college.

Moved back into college today which was really nice actually! My room is very modern, spacious and nice; I’m very grateful for it but also feel slightly uncomfortable by the wealth and opportunity that surrounds me. Of course I’m glad to have an ensuite etc, but what on earth did I do to deserve one? And how is it fair that I can just walk 5 steps to the bathroom instead of 20m when people can’t even feed themselves? I probably think about this too deeply, but it helps me to stay grateful for what I have, so I guess it’s not a bad thing?

College is fun. I’ve missed being around everyone but have forgotten exactly how tiring it is being around friends all day everyday. Hopefully I can strike a good balance between alone time and being with friends, especially when uni starts. Spent the day shopping with Jesse today; was fun, and I’m looking forward to more fun in the coming weeks.

I’ll hopefully do a bigger post about college in the next few days, but until then, time for sleep!