#actually all my mutuals should do this so I can learn about my friends 🥺

[scarletwinterxx]

but on a wednesday in a cafe i watched it begin again - kim mingyu imagine

hiiiii - okay i'm so so so inlove with this one. may i say this is half inspired by real life scenarios haha anyways i hope you like it!

alsooo just a thought, would anyone want to be mutuals on X?

for my other svt fics, check them here

if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

10 years ago

"Kyeom, I'm gonna go. I have assignments to do"

"What noooo, the game's just about to start" he mutters, he even kick feet like a little kid

"Then stay, but I'm going" you didn't even give him a chance to say anything because you're already out the gym doors. Your bestfriend used to your attitude at this point, he lets you be.

You pull your bag on your shoulders as you walk towards the school gates, some students were also on their way out since classes are done. Just as you were about to exit, someone calls your name making you look back.

When you spot who was calling you, confusion took over your face. Wondering why Kim Mingyu is here running after you when he should be inside with the basketball team.

"Hey, glad I caught you" he smiles at you.

Kim Mingyu, the guy who's known across all campus. He's the star student, all the teachers like him, he's never missed a class, he's good at studying, never the troublemaker, has a big circle of friends and an even bigger number of admirers from all across the school.

"What's up, do you need something?" you nonchalantly replied but that didn't deter him one bit

"Yea uh actually I wanted to ask you out" he scratches the back of his neck, looking down at his shoes as he waits for your answer

"Me?"

"Yea, I like you"

"Oh uh thanks. But I'm not really looking for that type of thing right now"

You watch the smile fall from MIngyu's face before it comes back again, it doesn't quite reach his eyes though. You notice.

"Oh"

"Yeah, sorry but uhm goodluck on your game though. I'm gonna go now" you wave goodbye before going your way. Not once turning to look back where Mingyu was left standing.

The rest of your high school life flew by like that. You still mostly kept to yourself, a few close friends, never really wanting to have any eyes on you. Mingyu never contacted you after that. You two acted like strangers once again, his confession something only you and him know.

Present Day

"Did you get the invite?" Dokyeom asks the moments he enters your apartment. After all these years, he's still your bestfriends. Most of your 'friends' from high school you've already lost contact with, you realized you were only friends with them only because you saw them everyday. Not many of them really made the effort to keep in contact, you can't blame them though since you didn't either.

But that's life. People come and go.

"For?"

"Our high school reunion, please tell me you're going"

"I did get it, and no I'm not going"

"What? Why? It'll be fun" he still does this thing where he stomps his feet like a kid when you say no to him, annoying but he's your bestfriend so you learned to put up with it.

"I don't even talk to anyone from high school apart from you"

"I'll be there, you can talk to me" he weakly reasons out, trying to plead with you is like trying to move a cement brick wall. He knows it's a losing battle but he still tries anyways.

"You won't stop bugging me unless I go, won't you?"

"You know me too well"

"Fine, but I'm not staying long"

"3 hours tops"

"2, take it or leave it"

Leave it to Dokyeom to make sure you're actually coming because by 5pm the day of the reunion, he came to your apartment even though you're taking your own car since you don't plan on staying as long as him.

"Oh you actually got ready" he says when you open the door

"I don't want another long message from you, let's go before I change my mind"

The two of you drove separately to the venue, as an introvert you admit when you got there you already want to go home. You see the familiar faces, already dreading the amount of small talks you have to do for the rest of the night. Cursing Dokyeom in your mind.

Your bestfriend didn't even give you a chance to step back inside your car before he's pulling you inside, saying hello to everyone on your way in. He's always been the nicer one between the two of you.

The two of you grab some snacks and drinks before continuing on meddling with your former schoolmates. Your social battery draining drastically by the second when you hear Dokyeom almost scream from beside you,

"Kim Mingyu! Yo dude you made it"

You look over where Dokyeom went, watching him give a bro hug to the guy. There Kim Mingyu stands, still as handsome as ever. A lot of years passed by but he still looks the same, just even better now.

The years have indeed been kind to him.

With everything happening around you, you can't help but feel overwhelmed. A few moments away from sneaking out but Dokyeom catches you once again before you can even give it a try

"Y/N's here too, you remember Mingyu right?"

You wanted to step on your bestfriend's shoes to make him shut up but instead you just shoot him a tight lipped smile before turning to the taller guy,

"Hi"

"Hey, it's been a while. I haven't seen you since... graduation"

"Yea, you too"

End of conversation.

You're still the same, Mingyu thinks. You're still the same girl he liked back then, you're still just as hard to read, still answering with single sentences, still beautiful like the day you broke his heart.

He wonders how you've been since then. Are you dating anyone or are you still out there breaking other guys' heart with your cold demeanor. He's still friends with Dokyeom and last he heard you've been doing okay. No mention of a boyfriend.

You don't give him a chance to ask any question, you say something to Dokyeom before walking towards the door

"Is she alright?" he can't help but ask

"Oh yea, she's being her usual self. It's a miracle I even got her to go tonight so I won't even be surprised if she's about to sneak home now, I'll just call her later"

"You two still close?"

"She's my bestfriend, dude. Of course we are, we're like twins ya know. Anyways how's the cafe going"

Mingyu hangs out with Dokyeom for the rest of the night, they didn't really run out of things to catch up on. He can't help but wonder how two very different people manage to stay close friends. But then again it's Dokyeom, one of the nicest guy he knows. At the end of the day, he's glad you're friends with someone like him.

The next day Dokyeom calls you to bombard you with stories about the reunion that you missed when you came home, he goes on and on about catching up with Mingyu then some other people from your batch you don't even talk to anymore but you listen anyways.

After the phone call, you get ready to go to work. You go on with your routine and before you know it you're done with your 9-5. That goes on for the rest of the week.

Some people hate it but you liked having a routine, it drives you crazy when things don't go your way.

Like tonight, your workmates all but forced you to come with them for afterwork drinks. You wanted to decline but you already done so many times so they made sure you come with them this time.

"Okay okay so what if you're in a room full of all the people you ever liked, who would you go to?"

Everyone take turns to answer until all head turns to you, "Oh me?"

"Yea, come on spill the details girlie we won't tell" one of your workmate jokes, clearly drunk

You take a few more seconds to think before you say your answer

"I guess this guy I rejected in high school"

"What? Oh my gosh whoooo, tell us tell us what happened" they excitedly ask

"Oh no big deal, just a guy. He was nice, like really nice. I liked that about him, but uh I guess high school me wasn't ready for any kind of commitment so I rejected him. I choose him because I want to apologize, that's all"

"Aw did you hear that? that's so cuteee"

"So where is he now?"

"I don't know, I never really kept in touch"

You grab your glass so you can avoid any more questions, after an hour to tell them goodbye since you still have to go to work tomorrow.

And as expected you woke up with a slight headache, even though you wanted to stay in bed for the day you know you can't. You get up and get ready for the day, planning to stop by this cafe your workmates keep on mentioning on your way to work.

Good things it's still early, when you got the cafe there were only a few people inside. You can smell the freshly brewed coffee and pastries on the stand.

"Next, Hi goodmorning what can I get you?"

"Hi, can I get an iced Vanilla Latte and a bagel with cream cheese to go? Thank you" you say your order while the cashier notes it down "Okay, for a moment I'll just get your order ready"

"Sure" you wait on the counter for your order, checking the other pastries and the menu board.

Mingyu was at the back, getting some stocks ready for the day when he spots someone on the counter. He had to do a double take to make sure it was you standing in his cafe, immediately a smile forming on his face as he watch you look at the display case.

You're too lost in your own world to notice him now standing Infront of you so he clears his throat to get your attention, "Can I get you something else, see anything you like?" he asks

He can see you weren't expecting to see him here, out of all places.

What in the twisted fate was this, you think to yourself.

"Oh uh the other barista already took my order" you tell him, Mingyu goes to the other guy telling him something before returning to the register with your order, "One iced vanilla latte and bagel with cream cheese, here you go. Anything else?" he asks again

"I think this is all for now, so how much?"

"On the house" Mingyu says with a smile, makes you wonder if he does this on a regular basis but you shake the thought away.

"What? No, come on I'll feel bad. Tell me how much" you tell Mingyu but he just shakes his head at you

"Free coffee for the pretty lady"

"Do you tell all your lady customers that?" you ask him, the words already out before you can stop yourself. You can feel your cheeks heat up but Mingyu just chuckles, again he shakes his head

"Just you, tell me next time how's our coffee and baked goods are then we'll call it even" he tells you, pointing at the suggestion box

"Are you sure? My workmates recommended this place and they said the coffee is good but I never really went with them" you tell him,

"You work close by?"

"A few blocks from here, I sometimes pass by here but it's always so busy. I guess I got lucky today"

All this time you were this close to where he was and he never knew. Mingyu mentally agrees with you, indeed it is a lucky day because for the first time since he met you you finally said more than one sentence to him.

17 year old Mingyu would be pouting and kicking his feet out of jealousy, he would never believe this day would come but here you are.

"Thank you for the coffee and food, uh see you around"

"You too, Y/N. It's nice to see you again" he smile again, you shoot him a small smile before going your way.

He watches you go out the door, the scene of you walking away hitting him like a Deja vu. A scene from 10 years go playing in head. Just as you were about to exit the door, to turn around to look at him behind the counter then shoot him another smile then you were gone.

This time though Mingyu wasn't left with a heart to mend but something to look forward to. Maybe just maybe this time it'll be his chance.

"You're down bad" Hoshi, his co-owner and other barista, says from beside him

"Huh?"

"Really?? Coffee for the pretty lady? so original" he laughs

"What? I never used that on anyone" Mingyu mumbles, "I know, that's why I said you're down bad. Who is she by the way?"

"Someone very special, call me when she comes back" he pats Hoshi on the shoulder before going to the back to resume his re-stocking duties.

Mingyu didn't want to expect (but he was), he would be lying if he didn't tell Hoshi he'd open tomorrow and man the register just in case you come in early again. He would be lying if he says he looked up every time the bell dings signaling another customer came in only it wasn't you.

It took you a few days before you visited again, and this time luck wasn't on Mingyu's side because he was not on duty.

"Hey, you're Mingyu's friend" Hoshi remembers you from the other day, greeting you with a big smile making his eyes almost disappear. He seems like a warm person, very friendly.

"Yeah, you can say that" you shyly answer him "Oh right sorry, what can I get you?"

"I'll get another iced vanilla latte. The last one you made was really good" you tell him

"Thanks, make sure to drop that inside our box" he jokes "Anything else?"

"Can you recommend any pastry for me to try? They all look so good"

"Honestly, not to be biased, everything's good here but that chocolate cake is extra special. Mingyu makes it himself everyday, want a slice?"

"Sure, sounds great"

Hoshi, you learn his name, goes and make your order like before then returns to the counter "Okay here you go, and the man says it's on the house"

"Huh?" you ask confused "Mingyu said it's on the house if ever you come back"

"Oh I can not not pay, he already said that the last time" you said, already getting your card out

"No really, he insists. And between us, I'd be in bigger trouble if I let you pay. If you want to scold him, feel free to do so and drop it in the box"

You chuckle, finally taking your drink and food "Thanks again, let me write something" you seat on a vacant chair to get a paper from inside your bag, writing a quick note before going back to the counter to drop it in the box. You say goodbye to Hoshi before going.

You feel your phone ring in your pocket, Dokyeom's name flashing on the screen "Barbeque later"

"Are you asking or are you telling me?"

"I'll come by after work" then he hangs up.

A few hours later, your bestfriend shows up with a few grocery bags and a loud mouth. You two catch up on what you missed on the few days you didn't get to talk, he likes staying up to date with your life even though nothing really ever happens. He's like the brother you never expected but you're now stuck with.

"Do you have any sweets here, chocolate or something" you hear him scrummaging through your kitchen

"I have a cake slice in the fridge"

Dokyeom finds it then walks back to the dining table, setting it in the middle to share between the two of you

"Oh gosh this is so good, where did you buy this?"

"At Mingyu's cafe, did you know he had one?" you ask back, Dokyeom's head springs up to look at you

"You went there? Mingyu did mention he had a cafe. So you two talked?"

"Yea he was there the first time I went, it was really nice the coffee is good. The other barista said Mingyu baked this" you tell him, taking another bite

"You know, you never told me why you rejected him"

Dokyeom suddenly mentioning that made you cough out loud, "You said you liked him right? Then all of a sudden you were telling me you rejected him"

"Are we really talking about this? It's been 10 years"

"Yea"

"Like I said, I didn't have the time and I got overwhelmed. Everyone knew who Mingyu was, I didn't want that kind of attention on me too. I guess 17 year old me got scared"

Dokyeom listens to you, watching you stab the piece of cake before taking a bite "For what it's worth, he really liked you back then. He even asked me what your favorites were, I said you liked cakes more than ice cream"

Back at the cafe, Mingyu comes in after Hoshi closes so he can start on baking tomorrow's batch of cake. He's in the kitchen getting the ingredients ready while Hoshi cleans the display case and front of the house.

He was humming to himself when he hears the kitchen door swing open, "Oh by the way Y/N dropped by today"

Mingyu forgets the number he was on, now he has to measure the flour all over again. He turns to look at his friend with an annoyed expression, Hoshi holds his hands in the air

"Hey don't blame me, not my fault she went here on your only day off. But I did say it's on the house courtesy of you, so you're welcome"

"Atleast you did something right" Mingyu says

"And she got the chocolate cake, she also dropped something in the box. Go check it when you're done, I'm going now" he waves goodbye before going to the office to do a few more things before leaving Mingyu alone at the shop.

He tries to focus first on what he's doing, going back to measuring the ingredients and putting it in the oven before going to the counter to get the box.

How will find your note here when there's about 30 others in here, he's not so sure. He reads through a few of them when finally he finds one

Coffee is great, maybe even better with company. On me next time I come back, thanks Gyu :)

He knows it's from you because of the nickname, a lot of people from highschool used to call him that. It may be common but it sounded extra special when you're the one calling him that. He takes the note and put it in his pocket before putting the others back.

Tonight's cake about to be extra good.

When Mingyu comes in the shop the next day he was expecting you to come, he wasn't going to lie about it this time.

It might seem silly but he never really got over his crush on you. There's something about you that he admired so much, even though people said you're the 'ice queen' with your stoic expression and one line answers he thinks you're just always straight to the point.

He never harbored hard feelings even after you rejected him, he understood your reasons. He knew you were focused on your studies but he just wanted to shoot his shot.

That day when he asked you, he already saw you in the gym before the game. He thought you were going to watch only for you to disappear a few minutes before they started, he chased after you with high hopes only to be handed his heart back in a few pieces. But even then he still liked you, he continued on admiring you from afar. Cheering you on your academic victories and cheering for you on your graduation day when you gave out your valedictorian speech.

He liked watching you achieve your goals, you always had that laser focus and determination. The entire class knew you deserved it.

Now a decade later, you're still the same in some ways. The night during the reunion party, he didn't expect to see you there. You didn't age a day, you still look so beautiful. You now carry this confident but reserved aura around you, he admits he was a bit intimidated to approach you so he thanks Dokyeom for being there.

The day passed by and still no sign of you, when he turns the open sign over to close he lets out the biggest sigh. Looking at the last slice of cake on the stand, ironically very similar to him. Waiting for you to come by.

He's busy mopping the floors to notice he didn't lock the front door, you just got out of work and decided to check if the cafe was still open. The sign said closed but you spot Mingyu inside so you try to knock on the glass door but he couldn't hear you so you let yourself in.

You walk closer to where he was before tapping him on the back making the tall man jump up in the air with mop in hand.

Mingyu turns around, holding his hand to his chest as he looks at you blinking back at him "Fuck you scared the shit out of me, sorry" he mumbles the apology after letting a few curses out

"Sorry, I didn't mean too. I knocked but you couldn't hear. Uhm is it a bad time?"

"No, I mean no it's good. I was just cleaning up. Do you want anything?" he asks you, putting the mop in the bucket before walking towards the counter with you following. He stands by the cashier while you stand on the other side

You spot the last piece of cake like it's calling your name, Mingyu following your gaze. Smiling to himself while he waits for your order.

"I'll get the last piece of chocolate cake, please. Hoshi recommended it yesterday and it was really food. Glad I got the last one" you smile

Little did you know he made that recipe with you in mind. He knew you liked chocolate cakes. "Chocolate cake coming up, anything else? Our cookies are good too, let me get some for you"

"As long as you let me pay for it"

"Not a chance, miss" Mingyu smirks, putting the remaining cookies in a box along with the cake before walking back to face you

"Not this again, you already got it for me the last few times I was here. How will you run a business if you keep on giving it out for free"

"I don't always do it" Mingyu shrugs

"Just let me pay please" you say giving him your card but he just pushes it back

"No"

"Mingyu"

He smiles, looking over at you. For a second you were taken back by his stare. The only way you can describe it was sweet, he looked so sweet like the cake he baked. He looked so soft and gentle like he wouldn't break a heart.

"Come back next time, I'll let you pay"

"You said that the last time"

"Then keep coming back, maybe one day I'll let you" he confidently tells you, the underlying message of wanting to see you again lies in the air. He holds his breath waiting for your next words,

"If you don't let me pay the next time, I won't come back" you threaten him cutely, finally taking the bag from him. Mingyu smiles walking to the other side to walk you out.

Before you reach the door you stop, "Actually, there's something I need to tell you" you turn to look up at him

"Go ahead, I'm listening"

You take a few seconds, again surprised with how he's staring right at you. Like he's seeing all of you.

"I would like to apologize for what happened before, you know the whole rejection thing. I know it's a bit overdue, actually it's very overdue but I've always wanted to say sorry. Someone asked me if I was in a room full of all the people I liked, who would I run to I said you. That's because I wanted to say sorry... so yea. I'm sorry" you mumble, now you're looking at his chest. Too shy to look at him

"You like me?" Mingyu mumbles

This make you look at him again, "That's all you heard?"

"I mean I appreciate the thought, apology accepted. Now back to my question.. I heard that right, right?"

"You're not wrong"

You and your one liner answers.

"So how many are there in the room" he asks, now he's teasing you. You can't help but scowl at him, rolling your eyes.

"It's a very short list and you're missing my point"

"No I get it, and no need to apologize. I respect your decision back then and I still do now. No need to say sorry over that, no hard feelings" he smiles at you.

Mingyu wanted to reach out and hold your hand but he stops himself. He didn't want to mess this again with you, if this is finally his second chance then he's not going to do anything to mess it up.

"I really am, it's been 10 years but I just wanted to tell you that. So yea.. that's uh that's all"

"Can I ask something?"

"What?" you ask back "Who else would be in the room with me, do I know the others"

"Oh my gosh! It's a very short list"

He laughs at your answer, reaching up to tuck the loose hair than fell on your face behind your ear.

"I believe you, tell me about it next time you get coffee"

"Seriously making me rethink about coming back here" you pout, this made Mingyu's heart pound like crazy. A hundred shots of espresso got nothing on you. Only you can make him feel this way, so alive.

"I'll bake you a cake" he bargains

"Chocolate?"

"All yours, on the house"

[bisexualiteaa]

Burning Love

Benny x Fem Courier Six (Smut!! Also fluff and slight angst)

CW: NSFW MDNI! Mutual pining, slight OOC Benny, slight deviation from the game, black widow dialogue, established friendship, enemies to friends then friends to lovers, flirting, dirty talk, perverted thoughts, P in V, p0rn with some plot, unprotected seggs, 0ral (male and female receiving) praise, cursing, mentions of alcohol, briefly proofread, possible grammar/spelling errors

AN: Hey everyone! I’m back with some more content! It’s a little different than the usual Cooper Content ™️ I usually put out but it’s still Fallout themed. I wanted to try my hand at writing for Benny from New Vegas and allow some of my other character hyperfixations to have a moment in the spotlight to shine! I’m still rather new to Fallout in general, and especially to New Vegas so please be kind and patient with me if I have some things wrong, I’m still learning! 🥺 I know this wasn’t an ask from anyone, and I will be getting to those as I can! Writers block has been absolutely dreadful lately so I hope y’all can understand, I’ve only just started to come out from the hole and try to write when the days are good 😭 But I hope y’all dig this piece! Enjoy, and happy reading! 🥰

Taglist: @expirednukacola

This was bad. This was really, really bad. At least that’s what he proceeded to tell himself over and over internally as he paced around his room. Just what was it that was so bad? So bad that it left Benny Gecko, the head chairman, in a bind? You. You; the courier that he executed once upon a time for simply being at the wrong place at the wrong time. You; who just so happened to somehow actually be alive despite a bullet being discharged into your skull. You; who had come to the strip months ago on your journey through the Mojave, siding up with him and becoming his business partner. You; who not only managed to become his best friend, but now held a place in his heart as something more. How could he let all this messiness happen? There was a rule in business where you never allow yourself to get involved with the people you work with, especially when you were someone who was as powerful as Benny. Yet you were all he could ever think about. You were his inspiration and guidance in trying and gain power over all the factions, you were the reason why the Legion no longer stood in his way. You were his right hand through everything, there for his every plan, there to help in the execution of them no matter what it could cost. You were loyal, beyond that, you were a confidant and a friend.

It took him ages to finally put the pieces together leading up to this moment. To finally understand why he would feel so disgusted watching Swank flirt with you, or so angry when someone would threaten you. He knew you could handle yourself, you were your own person, independent and deserving to live how you wished. Hell there had been many occasions where, had it not been for you, he likely wouldn’t have made it out alive. When you saved him from the Legion, that’s when he finally saw it. Seeing him down on his knees before you, giving you the perfect opportunity to take your revenge if you wanted to for him killing you back then. You could have murdered him in cold blood, leaving him to the radroaches and feral ghouls like he did to you once. But you didn’t, instead you showed him mercy. You *saved* him. Something he wasn’t sure anyone else aside from his body guards, would have done for him had they been in your shoes. Since that day, it’s been all he could do to pry the thoughts of you from his brain. By day, you were always by his side, and at night you were always on his mind. How was he supposed to be able to work like this? Fuck, how was he supposed to tell you? Should he tell you? He wasn’t sure. But he supposed it was too late to back out now seeing as you were on your way up to his suite.

His heart jumped in his chest upon hearing the knock on his door, a signal that let him know it was his people coming by. “Come in” he said, finally pulling himself from his thoughts to see who was at his door. Of course, to no surprise, it was you. He let out a breath of relief upon seeing you. You had grown to become his comfort, even in a moment such as this, he took solace in your presence. “You came” he said softly, just above a whisper but his tone held something akin to disbelief in it that you were here. You spotted a rocks glass in his hand filled with a drink that was likely just freshly made, wondering what it was that was bothering him so much that it had him drinking before bed. He watched as you stepped inside his suite, closing and locking the door behind you to ensure privacy. “You called” you answered genuinely, wondering why he seemed so shocked to find you here when he had asked for you to come. “What’s wrong, Benny? You doin’ okay? I’ve never seen you so many glasses deep in one day” You asked, noting that he had been drinking earlier too, growing concerned for him and the way he seemed to be so caught up in thought. “You’ll have to forgive me, my mind is a bit mixed up at the moment” Benny said before taking a swig of his drink, watching as you sat down on his bed. He wished you hadn’t, because despite being the well-mannered gentleman he was, he was still a man with needs. Even he couldn’t help the thoughts that started to race through his mind as you sat on his bed. Thinking of what you would look like splayed out on it, free of your clothes and him on top of you. Normally he would be able to keep such thoughts under control, but with the buzz of the alcohol running through his system, he was finding it hard to keep them from running rampant. “What’s on your mind? If somethin’s buggin’ you, you know my hands can make light work of it. All you gotta do is say the word” you offered, making him chuckle. Your hands could make light work of him. What in the god damn? “stop that” he told himself, cursing himself for feeling this way towards his close friend of all people. “Afraid what’s on my mind can’t be helped that way, baby. What’s got me in a twist is all my doing” he replied, and it left you rather confused, he could see it in the way your brows furrowed in confusion as you looked at him. Your head tilted sideways a tad like a dog who couldn’t seem to understand what their owner was saying. You were so fucking cute. “Well then what’s got you all in a twist? You called me here for a reason, Benny. I just wanna help” you replied, pleading with him to give you something to work with. He could groan at the way his name fell off of your tongue so melodically. You just had to show up in uniform too, with your dress slacks hugging your thighs, your blazer really showing off your curves, and your blouse that dipped low enough for him to get a peak of your cleavage. He was eating you alive with his eyes, he knew it. He couldn’t help it, you were a sight to behold. You could tell he was lost in thought at the way he was staring, leaving you chuckling before you waved your hand to grab his attention. “Earth to Benny, you still in there?” You asked jokingly with a grin as he snapped out of it. “Maybe it’s time to lay off the booze for the night” you added with a chuckle as his eyes met yours. Everything was screaming within him to tell you, but at the same time, everything screamed at him not to. He was at war within himself on what to say. Does he tell you and risk losing you? Or does he keep it and risk hurting himself when there comes a time you fancy another man? Neither sounded great to the conman, but between the alcohol in his system and the respect he had for you to always be honest with you, he knew he had to tell you.

“Fuck it, I’m just gonna bite the bullet and hope we can still keep this in the groove, dig?” He asked, and his words weren’t slurred and he didn’t feel drunk. So why was his head spinning? His heart racing? He was a certified mess, and it was your doing. “Oh c’mon Benny, we been runnin’ this show for how long now? You know you can always talk to me! Ya got girl trouble?” You asked with a devious grin, knowing he had a new flavor just about every month if not more than that. He was almost amazed at the way you figured out what was wrong, but thankfully not down to the specifics. It was reasons like this he called you not only his business partner but his best friend. But god how he craved for you to be more than that. “I wonder sometimes if you’re a damn psychic with that prime intuition of yours, babe. Girl trouble ain’t even half the start of it” he replied, sitting across from you in a plush chair as he placed his glass down on the small table next to it. You gave a chuckle. “Ya never did have good luck in choosin’ broads, Benny. Kinda funny to see that hasn’t changed since Vegas became ours” you quipped playfully, making him chuckle. “Very funny. I think I remember calling you here for help, not to take jabs at me, pussycat” he replied, making you laugh. “Aww c’mon you know I’m just yankin’ your chain. What’s got you all in a twist then? You didn’t get one of ‘em pregnant, did ya? Because I can’t help you there with that one” You asked, an eyebrow raised at him in suspicion. “Fuck no, the Ben-man ain’t nothin’ if not responsible. Have a little faith” he said, making you playfully wipe your forehead as if you were super worried. “Whew, that’s a relief. I ain’t ready to be an aunt just yet” you joked, making you both laugh. You always were great at helping him calm down. “Well then what is it? She do something wrong? Steal from you?” You asked, killing yourself internally with each question knowing that it was another woman he was speaking of. “My heart maybe” he said boldly as he took another sip of his drink, and it was true, you had his heart in your hands at all times. But you didn’t know that. You gave a smile that hid the pain inside from his statement, believing he was speaking of another woman. You wanted him to be happy, he deserved it, and you knew when you started working with him that it could never be you that would make him feel this way. But damn if he didn’t have a way of charming himself into your own heart, making you hope that it could work. “Awww, well ain’t that sweet” you replied, trying your best to coat the poisoned words with saccharine falsity, to disguise the ache resting in your chest at the thought of another woman stealing his heart. “I said smooth, baby doll” he said, making you both chuckle. “What? A girl can’t be happy for her friend who’s in love? Sheesh. She sounds like a lucky gal” you joked, making him chuckle once more. friend. God how that word killed you. A constant reminder of what will never be, especially now. Or so you thought.

“Well, c’mon, don’t spare me the details. Who is it?” You asked, not really wanting to know the details but you could put your feelings aside for the happiness of Benny if that’s what it took. However that’s when his face turned red. He should’ve known you’d ask that question. His heart slammed against his sternum as he tried to think of what to say. He couldn’t just straight up tell you, not when he didn’t know if you felt the same way, and he’d be royally pissed at himself if he managed to scare you off. He couldn’t just not tell you either, you deserved to know. “Is it one of the broads over at Gomorrah?” You asked when he didn’t pipe up with an answer right away, making him scrunch up his nose in distaste at even the inquiry. You laughed at his response. “The Ben-man’s got taste. Didn’t know you thought so little of me, babe” he replied, making you giggle at him. “Alright I admit, bad guess there” you responded. He wondered if you would ever guess it, if you would either seriously or jokingly say yourself and then maybe it could be laid to rest easily. “Some of the frequent fliers here are a little questionable Benny…I’m starting to second guess on if I wanna know” you said with a joking grin, wishing you’d figure it out already and save your heart the pain. He shook his head no at all the ones you knew off the top of your head that frequent the casino, leaving you nearly out of options already. “Quit pokin’ around Benny and just tell me already! You got me hangin’ on the edge of my seat here” you said, making him take another swig of his drink to work up the proper courage to tell you the truth. It was now or never. “I ain’t got no other way of sayin’ this sweetheart, but the Ben-man has gone and caught a fever for the fine looker layin’ on his bed” he said, making you blink a few times as you registered just what he said. He was caught up on you? Was he drunk? Surely this was a joke, he couldn’t actually be serious…could he?

“Me?” You asked, sounding taken back by his answer. “You sound shocked, baby. Weren’t expecting to be the broad to catch my eye?” He asked, making you blush. Now this was suddenly going to be difficult on you. How do you tell a man who shot you in the head once that you’re in love with him? “Honestly no, I didn’t think I would. I figured out of all the women out there, the last one to catch your eye would be me” you replied, and how it broke him to hear you talk so little of yourself. To share in a vulnerable moment that wasn’t hidden behind false confidence and bravado. He always respected the way that you were a different woman outside of work, that you could detach yourself from the persona you had to carry with you in the casino and around the other chairmen. He wished he could be more like you, more in touch with his humanity, but he was a conman, and a good one. His work is all he’s really known until you came around. “You’re the prime article baby, ol’ Benny here ain’t ever met a broad like you” he replied, making you blush as your stomach started doing flips with excitement. It was everything you’d been dying to hear from him for so long now. It felt as if fate herself was shining down on you in this moment. “I certainly ain’t met a man quite like you either, Benny” you said with a growing grin, making him chuckle. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s a real good thing I got a case of Benny fever then, huh?” You asked with a far more confident grin as you looked at him, sat across from you with his legs spread to help ease the growing tightness of his dress slacks. “Benny fever, is that so?” He asked with a mirrored grin of excitement, making you bite your bottom lip as you shook your head yes in response. “That bullet scramble your egg? Or have you always been a naughty broad?” He asked, finding himself more and more intrigued. Not to mention hot. The laugh you gave in response was breathy, and he wasn’t sure if it was just because it came from you, or the alcohol toying with his mind but he found it sexy. “What can I say? Girls like bad boys, and you have been downright awful” you replied, sensuality dripping from your tone as you flirted with him. “You’re one sick pussycat, baby. There’s quins and then there’s…I don’t even know what to call you” he commented, making you giggle playfully as you crossed your legs in front of him. “I’m saying I dig you too Benny, have for a while now” you said, making him grin even wider at your admission. Thank god, now he could no longer worry. “If I heard “dig” from you back then, I’d have told you all I can think of is a shovel. But you got a real twisted up way of showin’ the Ben-man your forgiveness” he replied, making you giggle once more. “I can think of another way to show you my forgiveness” you suggested, making him raise a brow at you and let out a sound of intrigue and excitement. “Oh yeah?” He asked, watching you bite your lip in excitement as your body language screamed for him to get closer. “And what idea is on that wild mind of yours, baby?” He said, making you hum. “How ‘bout i put my past profession to good use and I show you how well I can…handle your package? If you let me?” you responded. Oh, he definitely wanted you to.

You weren’t sure when it all began, but the next thing you knew, you both were down to your underwear. You made a show of stripping yourself of your uniform, being sure to be slow and teasing as you slipped out of your blazer, blouse and dress slacks for him. You made a show of bending over when you took off your slacks, then moving to your bra that soon found its way to the floor to be forgotten about until the next day. “You are the prime article baby. Nice Charlie’s too! Give ‘em a shake for the Ben-man, would ya?” He asked, making you giggle as you shook them and made a show of fondling them and feeling them up in front of him to tease him. “Hellooo!” He responded as you straddled his lap, taking a seat and pulling him into a heated kiss. He relished in the way your lips tasted like the sweet bourbon cherries that rested in your drink from earlier that you shared with him while you were both still downstairs. He tasted of vodka and cigarette smoke, a mixture you’d have never found appealing had it not been upon the lips of the addicting man you were tasting it from. You hummed into it in delight as his hands rested on your hips, softly moving your hips to grind against his. You moaned softly as you felt your clit bump and rub against his clothed length through your panties, effectively working you up even more than you already were. As you opened your mouth to moan, he took the chance to slip his tongue in to dance upon yours, needing more of that sweet taste of you. Your hands rested on his shoulders, using it at leverage as you continued to grind your hips into his before trailing their way up to tangle in his hair. He moaned at the blissful feeling of your nails scraping his scalp and the occasional tug of his hair. “Fuck baby, got me all kinds of worked up and you haven’t even taken those cute panties off yet” he said, making you giggle as your lips started to migrate down his neck in search for a sensitive spot to suck on and nip at. “Gotta make you as crazy for me as I’ve been for you, baby” you replied with a grin, leaving small but dark hickies in your pleasurable wake. He groaned in response, making you giggle as you felt it rumble from his chest and in his throat as your lips were pressed to his pulse point. “Oh trust me, I’ve been just as crazy for you, pussycat. No doubt about that” he responded, making you grin as you worked your way down his chest and stomach before you were on your knees in front of him.

Your fingers hooked into the waistband of his boxers before pulling them down, watching as his dick slapped his stomach just below his naval as it was freed from its confines. You bit your lip at the wonderful sight, and it was like a dream come true in his eyes. Seeing you here, on your knees in front of him, looking up at him the way you were right now was the fuel to so many of his fantasies he had nightly of you. “Like what you see, baby? I saw those pretty little eyes light up just now” he teased, making you chuckle while your lips littered kisses along his inner thighs before working your way to where he needed you most. “Sure do sugar, wondering if you taste as good as you look” you said before licking a fat stripe from base to tip of the underside of his cock. He groaned, his fingers digging in and clenching tightly the sheets beneath him in his fists from your hot, wet tongue. You made direct eye contact as you did it, one of your hands coming up to cup and fondle his balls as you brought him into your mouth. “Shit…can’t believe this is what I’ve been missin’ out on this whole time” he said, tipping his head back some as you worked his balls with one hand and what you couldn’t fit in your mouth with the other as you started to bob your head up and down on him in a pleasant rhythm. “Can’t tell you how many nights I’ve pictured this baby. Mmm and I gotta say- fuck! You’re a dream come true, honey- oh fucckk…” he moaned, tilting his head to look down at you between his legs on occasion. If he wasn’t careful, he’d find his release too soon and he couldn’t have that. Not when the fun’s just getting started between you two. It was when he felt his tip hit the back of your throat, making your watery eyes look up at home through your lashes that he had to call it quits. “Oh baby, stop, stop, stop. Shit, you keep going like that and I’m not gonna make it to the fun stuff” he said, unashamed of admitting just how much you turned him on. You let off of him with a pop before standing back up.

“Treated me so good baby, least I can do is return the favor. Sit up here and give the Ben-man a taste” he said, lying on his back and motioning you to sit on his face. “Shit Benny, I haven’t done that before. Are you sure? I don’t wanna hurt you…” you said bashfully, making him chuckle and slip you a grin. “If it’s between these pretty legs? I would die a happy man, baby. Don’t be shy c’mon, promise I’ll take good care of you” he insisted, and you had to admit, you rather liked the idea of having such control and trying something new. He watched as you removed your panties, tossing them to the side where they too would be forgotten until the next day, then as you crawled your way up his body. Your legs straddled his head as your core hovered just over his lips, his hands soon resting upon your hips and ass to pull you down and onto his face. You threw your head back with a pornographic moan as his tongue explored your cunt. “Fuck, oh Benny, baby…” you moaned almost breathlessly as his tongue trailed your slit before coming to dance along your clit. “When were you gonna tell me you’re such a tasty treat, doll?” He asked, and it was a whole different sensation receiving pleasure this way, one that left you bucking your hips in rhythm with his tongue to feel more of that wonderful friction against your sensitive bundle of nerves. “Benny! Oh my god, just like that!” You moaned, getting lost in the feeling of his tongue swirling and fluttering against your sensitive bud. Your hand came down to rake your fingers through his hair once more in appreciation of the way he made you feel. “Keep moaning my name like that baby, tell this whole joint how good I make you feel” he egged on before wrapping his lips around your clit and sucking gently, making your body jolt in response before letting out a pleased yet surprised moan. “God yes! Oh I’m so close, please don’t stop…” you begged, looking down at the sight of him between your legs as you fucked yourself on his tongue. He gave a chuckle and a moan into you at the way you were riding his face, using him for your pleasure. It made his dick throb almost painfully. “Keep using me babe, fuck your pretty self on my face. Wanna feel you cum on my tongue baby, give it to me” he begged, drilling his tongue in and out of your entrance and then back up to your clit. “Oh fuck I’m gonna cum…oh god, yes! Benny!!” Was all you could get out before his head was squeezed between your thighs, your body spasming and shaking as your eyes rolled to the back of your head from the sheer force of pleasure your orgasm sent sky rocketing through you. If he had no restraint, he’d have cum just from the sight of you, paired with the way your pussy fluttered on his tongue and the way you moaned his name like a sinful mantra.

“Holy fuck…oh my god. Oh shit!” You said breathlessly, realizing you needed to release him from the tight grip your thighs had on him as you made your way off from his face to straddle his lap instead. “Are you okay?” You asked, trying your best to catch your breath and climb back down from cloud nine. He made a show of licking your slick from his lips as he sat up before wiping his mouth. “Better than okay baby, you’re fucking delicious. How do you feel? You look like you high-fived the heavens there, baby doll. I make you feel that good?” he responded with a confident grin, pulling you into a heated kiss once again, loving the way he made you feel so damn good. “Better than good, you’re fucking dangerous with that tongue of yours” you replied into it, making you both chuckle before seating yourself on his hips once more, gliding your soaking cunt along his throbbing cock as you kissed. “Insatiable little thing, you’re right up my alley baby” he said, making you giggle and moan into your shared kiss as he fondled your tits, lavishing them with kisses and hickies. “And so gorgeous, I’m a damn lucky man” he said, making you bite your lip as your fingers laced in his hair once again, your eyes fluttering shut in bliss as he brought your nipple into his mouth and sucked. “Damn right you are- fuck…god I need you so bad Benny, please” you pleaded, making him chuckle as he flipped you both over, your back against his mattress as your hair fell around you like a halo.

“You ready, baby? Benny’s gonna show you the Tops! Hope you’re built sturdy you crazy broad” he said, lining himself up to your entrance. You hissed at the painful stretch of his length sliding into you, as wet as you were, it still burned with the way he spread you open. He felt like he had the wind knocked out of him when he slipped in even just half way, you were a tighter fit than any of the girls he fooled around with. “Almost there baby, doing so good for me. Feel so good wrapped around me like this” he complimented, leaning down to kiss you softly and sweetly to distract you from the pain as he tried to fully slip the rest of himself inside you. You both moaned in unison as the last of him slipped inside you, his hips stilled, waiting for your signal that told him he could move. “Doin’ okay, baby doll?” He asked, checking on you to make sure you were okay and not in too much pain. It had certainly been a long while since the last time you had sex. You’d go as far to say that the last time might have been before you were shot in the head. You shook your head yes in reply, scared that your voice might betray you if you tried to speak. “I won’t move until you tell me it’s alright. Wanna make sure I’m making my girl feel just as good, if not better, than she gets me feelin’, dig?” He responded, making you bite your lip as you tested a roll of your hips to feel if it was okay for him to move. He took that as his sign, but just to make sure he wasn’t going to hurt you, he slowly slipped nearly out of you completely before slowly working his way back in. He watched as you laid your head back against his pillows, your eyes fluttering shut in bliss as you covered your mouth to keep you from moaning too loud. He wasn’t having that. “None of that baby, I wanna hear you. Wanna hear how good I make you feel” he replied, pulling your hand from your mouth and testing another thrust, making you moan in response. “That’s it baby, you moan so pretty for me. Love hearing you” he said, starting to set a slow but nice pace, enjoying being able to watch your expressions and the way your breasts bounced with his movements. His hand grabbed one of yours from beside you, pulling it up by your head and intertwining his fingers with yours as a sweet show of compassion. You smiled up at him, feeling him lean forward to close the gap between you before his lips connected with yours once more. It was gentle yet passionate, just like before. Your free hand traversed the expanse of his back, needing to feel every inch of him you could against your own skin. It was intimate, intimate in a way he hadn’t been in quite a long time. One could even say there was love put into it with the way he cared for you. You weren’t just any run-of-the-mill broad, and this certainly wasn’t just any night in the sack for him, no. He wanted to show you how much he meant it when he said all the things he did, how much he cared for you and wanted you. He wanted to make it apparent that he wasn’t fucking you, he was making love to you. And that wasn’t something he did with just anybody.

He felt your legs wrap around his hips, keeping him close to you. He groaned at the feeling, how your legs pulling him into you made him hit deeper inside, pulling a delighted moan from you. “You play a dangerous game there baby doll” he said playfully, making you giggle and bite your lip as you looked up at him. “Maybe it’s a gamble I’m willing to take, sugar” you said, and it was mighty tempting for sure, a thought that grew more and more enticing the closer he was to reaching his end. “Benny…” you moaned breathlessly as you felt him nudge your sweet spot inside, making you keen and dig your nails into his back each time he hit it. “That the spot baby?” He asked, making sure to angle his hips where he would be able to hit it repeatedly, even with his slower pace. “Yes…fuck, just like that honey. Feels so good” you replied, looking up at him with your brows furrowed and lips parted as your moans filled the room like a sinful symphony. His lips trailed down to your neck, littering your neck and chest with kisses and playful nips at your soft skin. “Fuck baby…feels like this pretty cunt was made just for me with the way you’re huggin’ me all nice” he said through a groan. “Just for you baby” you replied, feeling the coil in your stomach growing tight. The mixed melody of your shared moans and the sounds of skin slapping against skin filled the suite. With the way the bed seemed to creak and squeal beneath you in time with the movements of your bodies, you wondered if anyone in passing could hear what was going on behind closed doors. “So close Benny…please, don’t stop” you pleaded, looking up at him, watching the way his eyes drank you in beneath him like this. “Cum for me baby, wanna see that pretty face all twisted up in pleasure” he encouraged, using his free hand to slip between your bodies, rubbing gentle circles against your clit.

It wasn’t long before stars filled your vision, sending your back arching from the mattress as you tipped over the edge into sweet bliss. Your nails of your one hand dug into his back, your other gripping his hand, that still lay entwined in yours, tightly as you cried out his name. You couldn’t care less about those who may have heard you in passing, all that mattered to you right now was this moment, spent with Benny. He wasn’t far behind you, pulling himself from you to spill all over your stomach with a groan. You giggled as he collapsed next to you, but not before grabbing something to help clean you both up. You turned and looked to him with a dreamy smile plastered to your face. “That was a nice bit of hey-hey girly. You’re a real ring-a-ding broad” he said, making you laugh at his compliment. “Not so bad yourself, handsome” you replied through your grin, feeling his hand come to rest along your hip as you both settled in beneath the covers. “Did ya really mean it when you say you dig me, baby?” He asked, wanting to make sure it wasn’t just something said in the heat of the moment, and that if it was he could properly detach his heart and move on. He wasn’t usually the type of man to show his hand, but now all his cards were out on the table for you to see. He wanted to be sure he hadn’t mistaken your words. “Of course I meant it, Benny. I ain’t a fink” you replied, your hand coming to rest against his cheek softly, your thumb rubbing his skin gently. His hand came up to rest against yours, smiling back at you. “I know you aren’t. I can always rely on you to be real with me, just makin’ sure I’m not betting a losing hand” he said, making you scoot closer to him. “Far from it. So long as you’re the cuddling type, and that this ain’t a one time thing, I’m here to stay” you replied, making him chuckle. “I’d be a dunce to quit you, baby. You’re as addicting as a gambler chasing the high of a winning streak” he complimented, making you giggle as your faces rested rather close to each other now. You smiled as you looked into his chocolate brown eyes. “What’dya say we give this a shot, you and me? Be my dame” He asked, and you couldn’t have been more delighted by the idea. “I’d like that” you answered softly with a smile, your eyes flickering between his and his lips, making him smile happily at your answer. “Yeah? You’d be mine, honey baby?” He asked. “About time you asked me, we’ve been dancin’ around each other for long enough. Don’t you think?” You asked, making him chuckle as he leaned in to kiss you. “See that right there? That’s what I like about you. I knew I made the right call” he said into your kiss, making you giggle once more. “Good. Now hush up and kiss me, would you?” You said playfully, making him hum in amusement as he kissed you like it was his last day he’d ever have by your side.

As you both pulled away for air, he couldn’t help but get lost in your eyes as he looked at you, feeling his chest grow warm with joy. Finally, he no longer had to worry about the way he felt, or wonder if you felt the same. He had you, and you had him, and to Benny that was the way he felt it should be. Like this, all felt right in the world. When he laid here in your arms, head resting against your chest, he felt at peace. He only hoped he could do the same for you. “Hold me, will ya? I swear you wore me out” he said, breaking the peaceful silence and making you giggle as your arms wrapped around him, your fingers carding through his dark hair. He let out a sound of contentment as you did, making you smile happily as you continued until you too fell blissfully asleep.

It was earlier that next morning, about the normal time the chairmen would meet up to discuss plans and all things business for the day. Swank, who normally stopped by your room to have someone by his side to talk to for the trip up to the thirteenth floor to Benny’s suite, was left rather confused when you hadn’t answered his knocks at your door. Normally you were either already out the door and waiting on him, or you’d be out the door the moment he knocked. He’d tried for a good ten minutes to get to you. He stood outside your door knocking at least five or six times, not knowing that you weren’t inside your room before finally giving up. He assumed you were either dead asleep and going to be chewed out by Benny later for being late, or up and there already and for some reason decided not to wait for him. Needless to say, it came as a bit of a shock when Swank knocked on Benny’s door, came inside, and didn’t already see you sitting there. Where were you? Had Benny sent you out for a personal errand maybe? Something didn’t feel right. “What can I pour you to drink, baby?” Benny asked as you were still in the bathroom, leaving Swank confused. He must have invited another girl up to his room, something he hadn’t done in a few months now that he came to think about it. You gave a chuckle, and soon his question about where you were was answered. “Interesting way to start off the morning, sugar. I can think of a far better way to start it than liquor could” you said suggestively, completely unaware of the added person in the room and only earning a chuckle from Benny in return. Swank watched as you walked out from the connected bathroom in nothing more than Benny’s dress shirt that looked as if it nearly swallowed you whole, clearly just fresh out of the shower. It was as you were drying your hair with a towel when you padded into the room to see Swank sitting in the chair across from Benny, leaving you wide eyed in surprise and red in the face. “Shit, Benny! You didn’t tell me you were having the meeting now!” You said, and both Benny and Swank gave a laugh from seeing you so flustered. “Busted. Now I know why I didn’t get an answer when I knocked on your door earlier” Swank said with a grin, eyeing the hickies adorning your neck that gave away what you were up to last night. His eyes soon dragged to the exposed skin of your legs, before coming back up and delighting in the slight peek of cleavage from the dress shirt you were wearing. His eyes soon came to the few hickies that seemed to peek from Benny’s collar, further answering his suspicions. “Warn a girl next time, would ya?” You asked, tossing your towel at the back of Benny’s chair before going back into the bathroom to change into your uniform and hopefully hide your embarrassment. “Have to say, rather jealous of you Ben-man. Been chasing her for a while. She seems like the real deal” Swank said after blowing his cigarette smoke out after a drag of it. “I take it you two had an…eventful night last night from the looks of it” he added, Benny chuckled with a grin that told Swank all he needed to know. “You sly dog you” he replied with a grin of his own and a laugh as he poured himself a drink. Once you stepped back out, this time in uniform, you made yourself a drink before sitting next to Benny, a dusting of red still lingering on your cheeks from embarrassment. “Been wondering why you’ve been holding off on your monthly flavors the past few months there Benny, guess I know why” Swank spoke, wiggling his eyebrows in your direction before taking a sip of his drink. “Don’t sound so jealous Swank, the girls over at Gomorrah got you wrapped around their pretty little pinky” you bit back playfully. “He’s just mad I stole a prime article from right under him” Benny teased back, making Swank laugh. “Well unless you’re just here to cock-block me from having a good morning, I suggest we get this meeting started” you spoke, making Swank grin at your sass being thrown his way as business ensued. But not to worry, you and Benny had your share of fun once you were alone again.

[figurativepieceoftrash]

Got briefly, somewhat, got interested in bnha again (possible manga re-read currently pending), so I read your fics Sympathy for the Devil and The Line, and going crazy for the psychological horror aspects in both omg? Just WOW, I love 'em! Are there any notes or ideas or literally any rambles you wanna share about these two fics?

Omg thank you sm for asking! I'd be ecstatic to share a bit about both actually, overjoyed that you decided to briefly return to my work bc you're one of my coolest mutuals and your comments are some of the best I receive, used to always so look forward to seeing your kudos signature at the bottom of my fics 🥺💕

Sympathy actually has a sequel in the works, but I'm not sure if I'll ever publish it considering the oneshot didn't perform as well as I'd like it to and I think the work stands alone fine as it is in terms of what I was hoping to say thematically. That said what's written of the next installment has a v heavy focus on identity (SHOCKING for my writing, I know lol): an on-the-run Izuku still doesn't trust his father despite being forced to rely on his resources/connections/knowledge for survival, and is attempting to figure out where the person he was ends and the person All for One's made him into begins so he can decide exactly how far his loyalty should extend. Although Izuku chose his father during the resolution of Sympathy, there was. Uh. Obviously a lot going on, at the moment, and people tend to make dubious decisions in the midst of heightened emotions, so it's natural that he might question things a bit in the aftermath

While the primary focus of sympathy was tackling my issues with the underlying messages conveyed by bnha's ending (I feel like most of my works nowadays broach that subject, at least to a degree), there was also a good bit in there about cycles of abuse and grappling with the less savory traits one might inherit from their parents, especially in regards to personality disorders and mental illnesses. Because of this, I wanted to really make it clear that although Izuku does share a lot of similarities to afo following the psychological redecorating he's performed, he is still capable of coming out the other end a person he can be proud of, even if it might take some real doing and constitute what feels like a lifelong uphill battle.

Because of this, the outline of the fic did slate for a happy ending; after plenty of conflict, introspection, and interpersonal drama, we'd get to a point where Izuku realized struggling to empathize with others didn't make him a bad person, there aren't good people just people trying day by day to be good, people have the capacity to accept and care for him even if he has changed, etc. etc. etc. all very and they rode off into the sunset type stuff. Even after he'd expelled afo from his mindscape he'd never go back to normal, but sometimes experiences change you and you have to learn to grow around them even if you personally can't find a positive spin to it. Not all of Izuku's friends are as close following the change and some drift away entirely (I do not write fluff and I have to stay true to my personal interpretation of realism, sorry 😔) but enough people are willing to adapt to this new version of him that he thinks he can eventually become someone he doesn't hate being.

The Line is similar both in that it dished out my beef with the bnha ending in a major way and that it got thrown in "Oh God, I wrote like eight chapters of this but no one likes it so I'll be damned if I ever publish them. Oh, the Shame! It burns!" limbo. This one also dealt heavily with themes of the self, though its grapples were less with perceived ethical deficit and more with (lack of) accomplishment-based feelings of inadequacy and the pressures of self-enforced interpersonal comparison. I feel like a large portion of fandom is in that age group where they're starting to figure out their lives, and they're either conventionally successful but grappling with the reality of leaving behind lifelong social networks/safety nets/friends (Uraraka) or failing to accomplish their childhood dreams and coming face to face with shame, aimlessness, and perceived inadequacy (Izuku).

I thought it would be really fun to explore this alongside Bnha's Issues With The Concept of Saving™️ and what it actually means to have failed to save someone. Bnha has this issue where it forces characters to infantilize and dehumanize villains for the sake of saving them. Here’s me going off about it in a private discord server with my friends bc I’m too lazy to rephrase it here lol:

But yeah! Line attempted to critique this by mirroring that same shallow dehumanizing thinking in the way the Toga and Shigaraki treated Izuku. Using a human being with agency and a complex internal reality as a personal project without considering their identity as an individual seems very sinister when the shoe is on the other foot, and although everyone involved has good intentions, dehumanization is never a constructive way to solve a problem.

I also obviously took issue with how the public reacted to Izuku and Ochako's frankly half-assed attempts at saving the villains? Shoto was very open with his intentions, but the fact that neither of the other characters with "marginalized dissidents are people too even if they use unethical means to address social issues" arcs actually went public with their desire to help means that any broader change that might've occurred as a result of their actions is negated. Weirdly enough Izuku pushes the responsibility of framing villains as people onto Spinner??? For some reason??? Which like. Okay. But I think the angry and demoralized public would be a lot more eager to listen to an ex-heroics student of considerable renown than a convicted felon, yeah? Seems kind of like you. Don't actually care??? Very weird handling of the story's central conflict, I'll say that much.

But yeah if any of those concepts interest you lmk, talking about this is kind of making me want to revisit it, if I'm being perfectly honest. Thanks again for asking me to talk about my fics, I'm super grateful, esp bc I just released another total flop lol, it means a lot to me in a time when it feels like no one likes my writing :P

[pianostarinwonderland]

uhhh so 🤡 this isn’t my usual post. Actually in fact, it’s not even twst related, it’s irl related. I don’t usually like to use this blog for personal matters since I really dedicate this blog to Twst (and Azul). In fact, the most personal I’ve been are either the very few rants I have or wet soppy letters to Azul and those are all still related to Twst. But I don’t really feel like I have a proper space to share this, and it’s one of those things that I feel bad for sharing in a private friend gc.

It’s a long boi so I’m keeping it under the cut. Friends, feel free to message me if you want. Followers, well the most you’ll get out of this is a long diary entry and a snippet of why I’m not as active on the blog as before lol

Anyway so this has been on my mind for a while 🤡 as in, this has been taking up a lot of my energy

I know that it’s possible to be happy without a romantic relationship. I love all the friendships I have, and my best days are always when I’m around friends. I’m learning about the hobbies and activities that make me happy, and I’ve been really thinking about how to make my life fulfilling while I don’t go too broke doing it lmfao

But God. 🤡 It still doesn’t stop me from craving a romantic relationship so badly

Mainly the reason why I don’t choose to share this in any of my friend spaces is because I expect at least one of them to say “but you can live happily with platonic relationships”. Which is true! Again, my happiest times have always been with friends and I love them. But it doesn’t stop me from wanting to love and to be loved in that special way 😭

I’ve been really :// about my love life honestly. Like, ok I was not very outgoing in high school, and I was friends with people who didn’t really care about getting a boyfriend and shit like that. It’s only very recently that I’ve been more social. So yea it definitely makes sense that I never dated anyone

But still, knowing that most of my friends are either in a relationship, in the process of getting into one, or have been in one before but broke up 🥺 it’s like.. they’ve all at least met people who felt something for them mutually. They’ve all enjoyed that romance

And part of me is a bit jealous of that. In fact, when I told friends that I’ve never dated, I’ve gotten gasps because they couldn’t believe I never dated anyone. 😂😂😂

It really doesn’t help that my two sisters have really healthy relationships. One of them, married. The other, still boyfriend and girlfriend but they get along so well. And honest to God, being surrounded by that in the household just makes me feel a bit dejected because fucking shit I want that !!!! Why don’t I have that !!!

At the same time, I don’t wanna get into a relationship for the sake of one. Honestly a big part of why I feel this way is because I don’t really have a best friend 🥹 irl speaking of course. My few besties are all online and I love them to death but God, I want irl besties too. And I want my romantic relationship to be like that too. Just us goofing off, except that I can kiss him at the end of the day.

I can feel myself breaking though in the sense that shit I might one day wake up, say fuck it, and open a Tinder just to satisfy the short term desire for a relationship. I don’t want that for myself because I want to be critical of my relationships. I don’t want a shitty friendship, so why should I want a shitty relationship?

But still I’ve had days that I woke up feeling like that. And it’s really frustrating,,

Pls I’ve also hit points during this year where I thought maybe I should just give up on my love life. The few times I’ve confessed to people, I’ve gotten rejected. One of them even ghosted me 🥲😭 and it’s taken me months to mentally recover from it because I’ve never been ghosted like that (and he was a friend too, so that sucked ass). Right now, I like two guys irl, and now I’m talking to them a bit more often as friends, but I always have that reminder at the back of my head to keep a fair distance because if not, I might jump to confess and next thing I know, I lose friends again because I got vulnerable 🥹🥹🥹

Literally, my anthem right now is Fifty Fifty’s Cupid. I know that romantic relationships are messy, and I know that friendships are already great enough. But I still desire to be loved, I desire to love. I know it’s a waiting game, but I also don’t want to just wait for it. I want to take the opportunities that I can take.

Pls it’s also so funny, I’ve been giving relationship advice and emotional support to some friends, some of which Are in a relationship. I say all my words with a smile but deep inside, I’m like god. Why am I saying all this as if I’ve ever been in a relationship. Why are people even turning to me for this help lol but ok at least i look like i know what to do in a relationship LMAO

So haha anyway LOLLLL my first and hopefully last life update on the blog, I’ll delete it who knows when. But thank you for reading if you made it to this point 😭 and don’t worry too much about me! I’ll be better for sure. Just one of those days that I’m thinking about it hehe

[burntblueberrywaffles]

My 2023 recap (but it's through all my favorites posts I've made this year)

Part 2! (part 1 here)

Aug 14th

Me @ the prequels haters:

Aug 14th

Aug 18th

He did it for me specifically and I thank him every day ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Aug 20th

Me progressively spiraling in my latest sw posts:

Aug 26th

Discovering you’re ace is wild cause like, you guys were serious when you said you wanted to fuck that character/celebrity?

We weren’t just exaggerating and being silly?? UH???

Aug 27th

Watching the end of ROTS: a moodboard

Aug 30th

Having a R2d2 and C3po cameo might be the laziest form of Star Wars fan service but you know what that shit work my dumbass goes “OMG it’s R2 and threepio 🥺🥺🥺” everytime

Aug 31st

Tumblr staff be like: somehow they’re still using desktop, lets add an evil clown

Aug 31st

“I want the main character to end up with this person, even though I hate one of them who sucks and doesn’t deserve to end up with such a good-”

My brother in Christ call me crazy but I don’t think you actually love this ship. Read an x reader or x OC fanfic at this point jfc.

Sept 4th

Me sending a feedback report to complain every time tumblr makes another idiotic change:

Sept 10th

I’m always so scared to assemble it

Sept 15th

I love doing research, I am not tearing my hair out (lying)

Sept 21st

Im so good at forgetting my blorbo is a child murderer you wouldn’t even believe

Sept 29th

Lowest luminosity setting is not low enough why is my iPhone a fucking beacon of light burning my retina with the force of a thousand suns

Sept 30th

Me every few months:

Oct 4th

Oct 18th

Me reading fanfic titles on ao3 after first becoming a Taylor Swift fan:

Oct 28th

My boy was so sleep deprived this would have fixed him.

Oct 29th

Can’t believe you hate on my ship just because it’s toxic, unhealthy and has disastrous consequences for everyone around them. Grow up. 🙄

Nov 11th

I have beef with TCW Anakin

Nov 14th

When people go “ew why would you be into this ship when it’s toxic and problematic” and I’m just

Sometimes you don’t need another reason than "it makes my brain go brrrrr” it’s fiction babes it doesn’t have to be good or healthy ❤️

Nov 15th

I thought “oh it would be fun to randomly send a kitten picture to this one mutual” and then I went insane 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ sorry about that besties

(this isnt a good post but since i'm making this as a 2023 recap I want to commemorate that time I sent kitties to all the beloved mutuals LOL)

Nov 18th

I love these “what do you most associate with [insert US state]” polls bc my non-American ass is always:

Baby I literally have no idea what you’re talking about ❤️

Nov 17th

hate when people are like “why would Padme be into cringefail Anakin it’s so unrealistic”

Like, um, CLEARLY she saw his pathetic weepy eyes and immediately decided she wanted to fuck that. What’s hard to understand.

Nov 20th

I think when you break up with someone their memory of you should be wiped men in black style thank you

Nov 22nd

Philosphy class be like

Nov 25th

Me when the known mass murderer starts murdering

#you’re telling me my genocidal babygirl is in fact genocidal???

Nov 26th

The thing about philosophy class is that most of these dudes you have to learn about just suck.

“Ohhhh humans only use each other and every relationship is only built on the potential advantages you can get from it” So your heart has never exploded thinking about how much you love your friends?? Sounds like a you problem.

Nov 28th

Snow being judgmental and having a constant sense of superiority…. brother you can’t even buy a new shirt HUMBLE YOURSELF

Nov 28th

Me starting the Ballad of songbirds and snakes and reading snow’s inner monologue: this guy sucks lmao I will NOT be rooting for him and Lucy Gray to be together 🙅‍♀️

Snow:

Me: oh goddamn it

Dec 1st

“I liked this thing before it was cool!“ Boohoo you’re not special. You just stumbled upon it before other people, congratulations.

"I still like this thing after it was cool, now that public opinion has shifted from being overly positive to considering it bad and cringe” now that takes strength. Courage. Who I aspire to be.

Dec 3rd

Snow: is always nice to Sejanus, helps him distribute food to the tributes, offers him a seat, gives him advice, CALLS HIM HIS FRIEND, save his life-

Also Snow: wtf this bitch thinks we’re friends????

#babyboy you are so stupid

Dec 4th

Me when I see my friend sadposting: I will smother you with kisses and love. Do you need me to kill someone btw

Also me, when I’m sad posting and friends send me encouragements: Friend??? 🥺 Friend cares about me??? 🥺🥺 friend wants to cheer me up? 🥺🥺🥺

Dec 7th

Tumblr rn feels like a landlord trying to make its tenant leave by not fixing shit and cutting utilities, but unfortunately for everyone involved, I am a rat

Dec 10th

No but seriously no one should try being tumblr famous, this website is for one thing only, and that’s having a silly time with your friends and mutuals 😤

Dec 12th

If your mutuals don’t say hi in the tags when they reblog one of your popular posts from someone else then what is it all for

Dec 12th

“Ew liking unhealthy ships is so toxic-”

“Actually toxic ship are INTERESTING unlike those boring healthy ships that have no flavour-”

Meanwhile me, who can appreciate and enjoy any ship dynamics:

Dec 18th

I’m like an old man shouting at clouds except I’m a 20 years old trying to make everyone listen to La Lumière by pomme asdagshdjfk

#I don’t think anyone is buying what I’m selling but I shall keep trying 😔

Dec 20th

Snow when being friendly to Sejanus results in becoming friends with Sejanus

#bro was really like: you’re telling me the person I’ve been treating well and interacting with regularly thinks I’m his friend??? #and that everyone else also think we’re friends???? #like yeah bby that is how friendship works ❤️

[freyaswolf]

For years, I lived in bewildered befuddlement regarding the musical musings of Taylor Swift. I usually listen to rock or metal, so her brand of pop was not a part of my usual lineup. However, I gained lovely friends here on Tumblr who swear by our Lady TayTay, so I decided I should check out her stuff. But there was SO MUCH, I didn't even know where to start. Luckily, my dearest mutual and actual friend, @idontgettechnology , took pity on me and made me the most amazing playlist to get me started. She titled it Taylor Swift 101, with a description of "Class is is session bish".

I spent today working my way through it, and it was a revelation! I took notes, cause that's what you're supposed to do in class, so here are my highlights from the 56 song playlist. I know I'm missing out on years of lore regarding TSwift, but I'm eager to learn. After a few more listens I may even be ready for the 201 level of this class lol

Notes below the cut, to save your scrolling thumb 😜

Ok, here we go! (I'm pretty sure these are in the intended order, and mostly these are first impressions)

1. Fifteen: wow, this took me straight back to highschool!

2. Teardrops on my Guitar: yep, I'm already hooked

3. Fearless: UGH!!!!

4. Tied Together with a Smile: FUCK!

5. Whitehorse: Holy shit!

6. Cold as You: DAMN!!!

7. You Belong with Me: (SCREAMING) I'm officially invested!

8. Stay Beautiful: 😍😍😍

9. That's The Way I Loved You: FUUUUUUCK!!!

10. Come Back, Be Here: I'm dead over this one ☠️

11. Sparks Fly: EHRMEHGHERD!!!

12. All Too Well: DUUUUUDE!!! I think this is about Jake Gyllenhaal? Also, OOOUUUUUCCCHHH, I can feel her pain!

13. Dear John: EW! Girl, he's a toxic ass narcissist! Babygirl, you need to ditch those boys, get you a girlfriend instead. I volunteer as tribute, or I would if I wasn't too old and boring lol

14. I Almost Do: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

15. Enchanted: Oh the feels!!! Also, my personal head canon is that this is about Chris Evans 😜

16. Red: oh boy, have I been here!

17. Long Live: THIS IS SUCH A GREAT SONG! OH MY HEART!

18. Blank Space: HA! I love this song!

19. Out of the Woods: girl does not have normal relationships

20. How You Get the Girl: OOOOF! I mean come on, she's literally giving instructions!

21. Bad Blood: Fuck you song if ever I heard one! "You made this mess, you know that right?" Kinda vibes

22. Clean: (hand over heart in salute) I feel you sis!

23. Wonderland: Love this! Also, who is this green eyed boy she keeps mentioning?!

24. Look at What You Made Me Do: love this! "Fine, now I'm the bad guy" vibes 🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

25. This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! DUDE!!! LOVE THIS!!! 🤣

26. Gorgeous: Love this! UGH SHUT UP YOUR PRETTY FACE! Also about Chris Evans lol

27. Getaway Car: Damn, I've had a few of these, and yeah nothing good happens in a getaway car. Doomed! Lol

28. Dress: HOT!!!

29. New Years Day: Oh my heart!!!

30. The Man: FUCK YES!!!

31. The Archer: wow, exhausting/exhausted, this poor kid!

32. London Boy: FUCK. (This totally made me think of JQ) lol

33. Paper Rings: LOVE!!! ❤️❤️❤️

34. Cruel Summer: relatable lol

35. Cardigan: Sobbing 😭

36. Ivy: UGH! Made me cry!

37. Exile: FML. SOBBING. FR UGLY CRYING.

38. Champagne Problems: this girl needs a hug

39. Illicit Affairs: OUCH!

40. Coney Island: 🖤

41. Hoax: I am bereft. I feel like I just broke up with all of my exes at once.

42. Gold Rush: definitely about Chris Evans. Also the way I flirt, if you're too perfect, I avoid and ignore. And if I can't do that, I heckle.

43. Tis the Damn Season: FEEEEELS!!!

44. Mirrorball: she needs all of the hugs, and some real friends.

45. No Body, No Crime: I would absolutely hide bodies for her. I would die for her.

45. Betty: I have questions? Also, I 🖤 when she says fuck.

46: Evermore: I liked it, but I didn't have a definitive "note"

47. Antihero: HA!

48. Maroon: I really love it when she says fuck. It may be a new kink for me.

49. Lavender Haze: I really want her to get a girlfriend.

50. You're on Your Own Kid: SO GOOD!

51. Bejeweled: FUCK YES!!!

52. Mastermind: 😈😈😈 I've done this. This is me.

53. The Great War: bonded like war buddies lol

54. High Infidelity: Feels decidedly Hellcheery

55. Would've Could've Should've: DAAAAAMMMMNNN!!!!

56. Dear Reader: WOW

And I am SPENT! This was a rollercoaster of emotions, and I enjoyed the whole fucking time. I am now a ride or die T Swift fan. Dude, I had no idea. Thank you so much MJ for this guided tour, I had the best time today! 🥰

[maybege]

I just want to chime in. I have been writing for a while and feel lucky that a few people have said nice things about my stories and reblog them sometimes. But I am friends with some people who never support my writing. I always reblog for them even if I can’t always think of a comment to write. But, they never reblog mine.

And it feels so bad to post a fic and nobody reads it. Not trying to be rude but I would love to get the anons and notes that you get but I probably never will. It makes me think I am a bad writer and should delete everything and stop embarrassing myself.

First of all, I wish I could say something that would make you feel better 🥺 my first thought was literally “I want to give this person a hug!” because I know this sucks and it’s very easy to doubt yourself or your the quality of your friendships.

A friend of mine actually put it very nicely and I’m just gonna quote her here: “[Being mutuals] doesn’t mean there is an obligation to read and reblog and that goes both ways, it really doesn’t reflect on the fic’s quality”. And yes, this might sound like I’m just trying to wipe away your worry here but the hardest lesson to learn is that interaction (even if we do want (and deserve) more of it) is not a reflection of your quality of writing. I think a lot of us - if not all - have been there and it sucks and I wish we didn’t have to learn that lesson but interaction levels won’t change overnight. 🥺

Also, and this is just a suggestion, have you talked to your friends about it? Are they aware it’s out there, is it for a character or AU they don’t read or haven’t they just had the time? Because I’ll be honest sometimes I don’t read my closest fandom friends’ fics (and vice versa) out of a variety of reasons that reach from “I totally missed it” over “I just didn’t have the time” to “I didn’t jive with the premise”. And while that can suck, communication is key and can feel you so much lighter and more secure in fandom friendships!

let’s talk about fanfic interaction

[taeyungie]

little secret to spill… this anon is actually me 🥲 miss 🦌 … AAAAAAAA i’m just bsiansksjnwksn i can’t believe i got my heart broken by someone over text!! the breakup actually happened last week 😔 so i’ve been feeling like every emotion possible 😞</3 you always know what to say 🥺 and you know i’m starting to get over it! it’s fairly easy to avoid him on campus and around the city, so i’m grateful for that. but recently he texted me and it hurt ): he had always said that if we were to ever separate, he would make an effort to be friends after. so he texted me saying just that, that we can be friends but we should distance each other. i really want to have a talk with him though… because he said many awful things to me, but i never fought back and just let him say them to me. i want him to know what he did, you know? because it’s not fair to me or him that he thinks he’s completely innocent in all of this. it’s just :( because i have to let go of the vision i have of him. everyone called me naive for it, but i could genuinely imagine a life with him, but i guess i was just never enough for him. he agreed to talk to me to clear some things up, but it has to be on a call ): i worry that he’ll cancel or that i won’t be able to properly express how i’m feeling over the phone… but there’s nothing i can do about that. i have over 3000 words i wrote to tell him 😅 i kinda think i’m more mature than him skiwnwksjsjs basically, i’m planning to tell him 1. how he hurt me 2. apologize for how i hurt him 3. how i’m feeling in the breakup process 4. how i’ll always care about him 5. thank him for being my first love 6. say i wouldn’t mind staying mutual 7. offer advice for moving forward 8. let him know that i’m always here. even though he hurt me and i hurt him, i’ll still always care about him, you know? it’s just :( he’s the only one i wanted… i keep telling myself that there’s more people out there!! but other guys just aren’t him :( and i saw him today too which was like a stab to the heart. he was with one of his girl friends he used to romantically talk to who had once joked about my race… :( and he’s the same race as me so it’s like ?? not the same ethnicity but still *sigh* i just have to stop thinking about him! i think i’ll feel better after we talk, that’ll be like me saying goodbye 😔 i just feel so lonely now.. like 90% of the time when i’d go out, it was with him so now i have less motivation to go out :( i think i’m just trying to force myself to move on? so i’m trying to accept that it’s okay to feel sad. i just have to let it pass. but you’re right, this relationship was a way to make me grow wiser because now i know how to approach a future relationship and i learn from my mistakes (and i learn from his so i can notice red flags smsosnsksk) i’m glad that i have you during this and some other friends so that i’m not alone 🥺 because if i was completely alone i’d probably have lost it by now 😅 but i’m working on it ☺️ and working on myself! it’s gonna get better!! mark my words!!!! 😁❤️ -🦌

oooh love :( i'm sorry. there was no need to hide! i'd always try to comfort you no matter what. i can imagine what you're going through and i'm sorry that i can't help much :( i wish i could give you a golden advice on what to do, but emotions have to be felt too, we can't escape from them, you have to give yourself time. it's good that you're feeling a little better! but don't worry if bad feelings will come back, it's normal for our hormones to give us that roller-coaster of emotions after situations that meant a lot to us, of course i'm never wishing that upon you! 🥺 i'm just saying that i don't want you to feel bad about it. on one hand it's good that he wants to stay on a good term with you, but i know that being friends after being in a relationship isn't so good and both or one side is hurting, no matter how pure the intentions are, keep that in mind, yeah? you're not naive, you were just in love :( it's okay. it's a good idea that you wrote what you want to say to him, be brave! it's important to talk about it especially if you need closure. like i said, try to spend most of your time with other people if that's possible 🥺 even if you don't feel like it, just try, i'm sure everyone will welcome you with open arms 🥺 that way you will be able to stay distracted, it'll be easier. but yes!!! of course it gets easier with time, it'll be better. I'm sure you'll be all good, you're such a strong beautiful human!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️