#academia is a hell of its participants' making and once you realise that you have to have compassion for the ppl stuck in it with you

[flamagenitus]

Spent a half hour typing a speech about studying in the tags of a post 👍 I'm a normal person who's had a normal time in the academic system

[ridiculously-expensive-milk]

The Day Our Bench Was Lonely - 01

Summary:  As one would have expected, coming of age isn’t quite easy when you’re a Yato. Kagura goes to an Alien Hunter school and Okita longs at the sky.

Chapters: 2 previous next

#Aboard_AMC003_CRIMSON ##Log_00_Kagura Space 's lonelier than Kagura thought it would be. 

Sitting on the window ledge she stares at the infinite universe sparkling with planets and stars passing through ever-so-slowly. The ship 's silent since she's the only crew here, though there's the main computer humming quietly in the background as it calculates the trajectories and energy management for her. Umibozu bought the ship on her fifteenth birthday, something about her being old enough to start her career as an alien hunter. He told her about an academia opened by the association two years ago, stationing some galaxies away and welcoming every species so long they are strong and motivated enough. Obviously, it's a huge opportunity for her and even if she loves the Earth she needs to move on and become stronger, everyone's becoming an adult and she can't get stuck being a kid.

Even the meek Shinpachi’s growing up, he's become a lot stronger than before and as of late he even teaches the neighbour kids at the dojo on how to wield the sword. He trains hard every day with Gin-chan and fights a lot more during their nonsensical Yorozuya job, he's no longer the weak big brother she used to protect.

Gintoki grows too, though differently, he's much more like a grandpa and she kind of expect diabetes to hit him soon but besides training with Shinpachi he doesn't participate as much during battles as before and it's as if he's passing his soul to Shinpachi instead and she knows; it's because he's all too tired to continue being a warrior when he's a useless, sugar-addicted earth dad.

And then there's the other idiot too, acting all cool because he's just so close to becoming a vice chief like he always wanted to be. It's not for right now but Kagura's been told the gorilla will eventually retire— maybe to marry Anego— and that means Toshi will be the chief and the Sadist the vice-chief. Kagura thinks Edo's doomed if someone like him gets such a high rank within the police force.

And then there's her walking behind all of them, there's nothing for her to do on Earth. In Edo she's a Yato and besides destroying the park with the Sadist she doesn't know what to do, she's only good at fighting, breaking things so when Umibozu comes with a flashy, new model of spaceship she doesn't think much more and jumps in.

This brings her here. It's been two days since she entered the ship for the first time and she spends her time eating, napping and maybe study a bit. She will arrive at the school in a week, it's her first time going to one and it makes her as much excited as she's anxious. How are people there? Are they mean like back in Rakuyou? She bites her lips, her throat feels sour just by imagining those eyes. Monster, they call her.

"Daily analyse report available," the computer warns in its female though robotic voice.

Kagura gets up and sits down at the helm; there's a wide window panel allowing her to see what's in front of her and a giant screen floating. She leans down and reaches for the floating sphere, glowing slightly blue and immediately, as the computer identifies her fingerprint the report shows up on the screen.

Status: normal Temperature: 22°C | 28°C Solar Room | 0°C Cryo Room... ...

Her eyes wander on the table before she finds what she needs; the manual of the ship with Umibouzu's notes. He wanted to come along and teach her himself how to pilot the ship but Kagura refused; she wants to do everything by herself and there's always the emergency call if something goes wrong. It's not that hard since everything 's almost automatic— though she needs to learn how to do manual piloting as well, in case the computer fails to calculate and when big rocks decides to fly towards you. Each note left by Umibozu are clear and concise, she compares the data of the computer with his and everything's in the normal. She's not going to die from lack of oxygen anytime soon.

The daily routine now done Kagura moves onto the messages, ancient ships have lags between when the message's sent and when it's received but her's all new and very expensive, if it's messages she'd receive them in a day. Other media such as audio or videos can take a lot more time, though.

=====START_OF_TRANSMISSION===== Sender: Umibouzu Object: How are you? <3 -------------------------------------------------- Kagura, it's your beloved Father (she wants to throw up!) How are you doing? Do the daily report well, it's important. I'm sending you files for exercises and a mail from the Association's school, there should be materials you need to study. Don't forget to take care of the Solar Room too.Dad loves you! -------------------------------------------------- Attached files (4): exercises_1.pdf, welcome_to_the_association.pdf, universae_lesson_1.pdf, universae_wb_1.pdf =====END_OF_TRANSMISSION=====

In a flick of a finger the control sphere opens another window— this time; however, allows the holographic keyboard to materialize. It’s a thin, very thin layer of blue light and she’s still amazed by the hard, cold touch of it. Her fingers slides between the keys as she starts answering Umibouzu’s message with a rather humble one-liner, “thank you”. It’s not like she can write letters. She doesn’t know nearly enough kanjis for that.

Once she’s done with replying Kagura downloads and checks out the files. They must be pre-requisite for the students who should be, like her, travelling in space until they reach the station. From her father’s talk it seems like the Association’s station's very big and the space left for the students are new and renovated, as the school program's recent. It’s a hard cursus with interuniversal students, which leads to the official language used by the school.

The versa's created and used by the Association only, both written and talked it helps the communication between all the different species. Her ship’s core software's in Japanese for now but soon she will have to update and install the versa language instead; all her textbooks and homework will be in versa and it's going to be expected of her to talk fluently the versa by the end of the year. It’s a shame since she wants to learn the Japanese first, she could finally read the JUMP without the help of Gin, then.

Kagura decides to do what’s the easiest for her first: read the welcome file of her future school, carefully translated by her father.

“Welcome to the Association,” it reads in a bright and bold red font. The first part 's rather boring, passing over the history and origin of the Association, the school. There are pictures of the classrooms which are spacious and very modern, in white and minty shades, of the training areas… They’re things Kagura’d rather discover with her own eyes rather than through pictures.

SCHEDULE: - 8:00 Presentation - 10:00 Uniforms hand-out - 14:00 Test - 18:00 Cadets Classes

Her right brow cocks, nobody told her that there’s going to be a test on the first day. And what the hell are cadets classes? She skims through the file, her eyes landing on a chart. Each term ends with examinations on the subjects as well as the simulation of a mission, the latter being more important. The examination leads to a grade which would determine your class; a class 's a group of students of the same level, they will live in the same dormitory and possess the same privileges. This brings her remaining brow to raise too, she’s not really used to all that hierarchy others love so much. The Sadist tried to explain once but she never understood the point

Food.

If there's food as a prize it's only a matter of course that she wins through the S rank solely for it, the benefits all look nice too. She wonders if it’s easy to reach the top ten, being a Yato and the daughter of Umibouzu and Kouka she's only fated to be amongst the best. No, even being part of one of the three warrior race’s big enough of an advantage in this kind of career. The stronger they are, the better it is, such is the rule of the Association— revolving around fighting, and for the first time she realises it's revolving around people like her.

People who are ridiculously strong. People from bloodthirsty races who have to choose between either the path of destruction or salvation, with nothing in-between and for the first time people like her are not cursed as monsters but instead sung as heroes. It’s a whole different world from the Earth, even though she’s met her most important people there as well as the kindest, it's now in a climate where Amantos are seen as threats and enemies from the previous war against Utsuro.

Within the Association fighting abilities are praised, glorified above all, and many Yatos have gone through this path like her father or chooses the opposite side in the Harusame like her brother.

It's now time for her, Kagura, to trace her own path and though she only has vague ideas about her future very soon she will have to choose and act upon it; the Association 's here to help her. Umibouzu used to tell her so; people like them have power. She; however, doesn’t understand what’s more about them than being about to kill people easier than others.

“If only Gin-chan was there,” she mutters with a bitter tone, “I’m sure he knows. They all know, anyway, besides me.���

Kagura glances at the endless darkness through the glass, she’s promised everyone she’s going to come back stronger but she doesn’t know how and she’s scared. They say that around fifteen the people from their race are becoming adults and are the most unstable, they are neither kids nor adults but something else that's far scarier.

She closes her eyes. The humming of the computer, the emptiness of space disappears slowly and are replaced by the drumming of rain, the cold and wet floor from her old house. The loneliness of that house, once so warm despite the rain, despite the cracks and everything in the world. She’s filled with the memories of the laughs, the cries left on that lonely planet. And then—

— the surge of pain, the anger, the sadness, the incomprehension. There’s the smell of sickness, the sour taste of wait and longing, the pang of pain and the burst of anger. Her house, the old house of her memories shattered, the delicious rice, the embrace of a mother, the warmth of a family; nothing's left but utter hate. She remembers every second of it as if living that day again the rain's pounding against the street when she runs out, her mother 's dying, her brother and father are fighting to death.

Finally, she stops them but her Father 's too hurt to even look at her, and her brother— fifteen at the time, doesn’t look back at her either and leaves like all the remains of their old house. The family they’ve once been 's now nothing but a shell of what it used to be; a joke. The bonds now stranded there's now nothing left to keep them together, so they leave all by one and she’s here, behind and she doesn’t understand anything.

A joke.

That must’ve been what she is, back then and now still.

[smartphone-science]

For the second time this year I had the opportunity to return to one of my favourite countries – South Africa. There are many reasons why I love this beautifully diverse and naturally rich country, but the main draw for me is the wonderful people and of course, the high diversity of chondrichthyes – 204 species, to be exact.

When heading to the Western Cape this time, I knew that my experience was going to be different. Previously I’ve become accustomed to working with enormous charismatic species – namely great white and bronze whaler sharks – but this time I would be working with much smaller, endemic species. Don’t be fooled though, these sharks are still cool in their own right – more on those later.

So where was I heading? The South African Shark Conservancy is based within the stunning Old Harbour of Hermanus and was founded in 2007 by shark scientist Meaghen McCord. Their flagship programme, Women in Shark Science, was my reason for working with them this month and is in its third year. With the aim of giving a louder voice to women in STEM, alongside training the next generation of shark scientists, it was set to be an inspiring month. My main goal in participating in the programme was not only focused on gain further experience in working with sharks, but also to gauge a deeper understanding of the challenges facing women in STEM and to develop my practical skills like teamwork, communication and project-management.

But it was so much more than that for me.

For the purposes of this blog post I’m going to give you a quick overview of our schedule. A considerable amount was packed into the four weeks, including BRUV deployment in Walker Bay, estuary monitoring in the Klein River,  endemic catshark telemetry and Q & A sessions with various prominent women in shark science like Melissa Cristina Marquez and Alison Towner. Phew! And that’s not even covering half of it.

Working and living together is not without its obstacles - let’s not underestimate that. As someone who is incredibly independent and has become habituated to working alone, personally this aspect was always going to be hard. But every challenge has a silver-lining and self-reflection is a critical component of better yourself – if you’re not growing, you’re not moving forward, right?

This internship has not only given me a variety of practical skills that will make me become a better shark scientist, but I also feel like I’ve grown personally as a result. Heck, I’m not perfect, nor am I striving for perfection, but I am learning to be more realistic about not only my strengths, but also my weaknesses. Being surrounded by so many people who were willing to be open and have upfront conversations is something I had never encountered prior to this placement, and I can honestly say it was a very healthy environment to be immersed in.

In future blog posts I’ll discuss in more depth the awesome science we did during our month with SASC and delve deeper into the fantastic diversity of life that exists in Walker Bay. But for the purposes of this post I wanted to summarise my personal feelings and reflections as a result of the programme and a few lessons I’ve learnt along the way.

1.       Imposter Syndrome is a VERY real phenomenon

Prior to this experience I felt like imposter syndrome was that ghastly elephant in the room no one discussed.

It was something nearly everyone I knew suffered from, but no one wanted to admit.

Chatting to not only the SASC team and the other Women in Shark Science ladies, but also other scientists made me realise that it is far more rife than the world lets on.

I made a promise to myself when I finished this experience that I would be more open about my personal imposter syndrome in an attempt to showcase that it is perfectly normal to feel that way, particularly within academia.

So yeah, I have imposter syndrome, so that’s now out there in the world…

2.       It’s okay not to be okay

I’ll let you into a secret – I’m a crier. Like a MASSIVE crier at times.

Once those waterworks start, they do not stop for a considerable amount of time and most of the time it’s over irrational things.

Sometimes I hate myself for crying so much over seemingly futile things, but with time I’m coming to realise that it’s just part of being human. Nobody is an emotionless robot, no matter how much they may try to be.

Having the occasional cry does not make you any less professional nor does it make you a failure, so just let it all out.

All of your feelings are valid.

3.       Women are strong as hell

And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Not just physically, but also emotionally they are mind-bogglingly resilient.

Hearing from women about their personal struggles, on top of the barriers life has already thrown at them, and their defiance to not let anything get in their way of achieving their shark science dreams was inspiring to say the least.

Don’t underestimate the challenges experienced by everyone you meet.

Almost everyone is fighting a battle of some kind, you’re not alone.

4.       Academia can be ruthless

Exhibit A – I got rejected from a PhD for my A Level choices.

Exhibit B – a friend of mine was rejected from a PhD for having a 1% lower average in her undergraduate degree, despite having a MSc with distinction and multiple years of infield experience.

I could go on.

It can feel like you’re scrambling against the world sometimes when you’re trying to make it within academia, particularly as an early-career scientist.

I often feel like I’m drowning and I consistently have to prove myself like everything’s a competition, but this isn’t a healthy perspective to have and can often bring out the worst in people.

It’s hard, but try to take it all in your stride. As much as life is short, it is also long, and you have plenty of time to achieve all of your hopes and dreams - just don’t leave your family and friends behind, they’re the most important people in your life.

5.       Patience really is a virtue

I remember my mum telling me this as a teenager and I ignorantly ignored her at the time.

Not everyone is on the same wavelength as you and that’s perfectly okay.

Often it can seem like you’re continually trying to hit goalposts other people have laid out for you as you hit certain milestones in life, but we are all on our own path.

Support each other and celebrate wins, no matter how big or small.

Relax, breathe, and enjoy the ride.

It’s easy to be hard on yourself and overly critical when the world is seemingly so unforgiving. I think it’s important we open the discussion on the human element of being a scientist and be brutally honest with each other – it isn’t just about how many papers you publish, or the competitive grants you’ve won, or the incredible fieldwork opportunity you’ve got coming up.

Yes, they are all awesome things and definitely something to be celebrated, but I feel it’s also important to document our losses and talk about when times are tough too.

Creating an unrealistic version of what life is like being a scientist in my mind does a disservice to the next generation. If someone believes it will all be rosy, and then it isn’t for them, their bad experiences have the potential to be harmful to them and their mental health.

Success isn’t a straight path. It’s full of downward spirals and the occasional breakdown sprinkled with the odd feeling of hopelessness, but when that win does come along it makes it all worth it.

We all have our own demons to fight with, so why are we still maintaining that stiff upper lip and acting like everything is always sunshine and rainbows?

via Science Blogs