#a normal adult wouldn't get that angry because a 10 year old brought her an open bottle of coke instead of an unopened one.. right?
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running-in-the-dark · 3 years ago
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my nephew's confirmation was yesterday, and it was actually a pretty fun day. absolutely exhausting though - which is why I just woke up after sleeping for 14 hours.
some things that happened:
I was inside a restaurant for the first time in over two years and it was really weird and I didn't like it (and of course someone made a stupid comment when my husband and I were still wearing our masks when we sat down... like just fucking mind your own business maybe?)
the same guy who made that comment said this about a 15 year old girl: "she looked nice but her outfit was too sexy for a 15 year old" what the fuck dude you're in your 50s, the girl's (completely normal) clothes are not the problem, your fucked up thoughts are.
my mother said a lot of weird shit that wasn't true (about my childhood mostly. like she really proudly listed movies she'd seen with me in the cinema and none of it was true. also every time she did see a movie with me she'd just keep telling me how terrible it was. like she still talks about how much she hated watching Corpse Bride with me as if that's really fucking funny - that was at least 15 years ago, it was my favourite movie at the time and I was so excited to watch it with her, but she wouldn't shut up about how awful every single thing about it was. I haven't been able to watch it again since then.)
also - watching movies with your kids isn't some special accomplishment, it's just a normal thing that you do. and even if it was - I've seen at least 5 times as many movies with my nephew as she ever did with me, and I've never said any of them were fucking awful.
my niece was incredibly excited all day, she kept running around and dancing, it was very adorable - and my mother said that I never would have done that, as if it's funny that I was such a boring quiet child, when in reality I stopped doing anything like that at like 5 or 6 because she wouldn't stop making fun of me or yelling at me. lots of stories about my brother being exactly like my niece when he was little, and me just being quiet... like dude that's literally your fault but okay
every time my mother left the room everyone relaxed, and when she came back everyone seemed tense, and everything had to be about her at all times or she'd get angry and aggressive.
she also went on a long rant about how boring Toto is because she can't not tell me how terrible all the things that I love are - and in the end it turned out that she literally only knew Africa and none of their other songs.
[we had music on in the background and she kept saying 'oh I like that one, who's it from?' and they were all Toto songs. in the end she admitted she only knew that one song but still insisted her opinion was correct. and I know it doesn't matter at all but it still really fucking sucks that every time my brother chose a song she was all nice about it and told him how good it is and how she likes that band too, and with me it was all negative, but only when she knew I picked the song (it's hard to explain, but she only said bad things when she saw me pick a song. when they came up in a playlist she liked them, when I chose them she didn't. some of them were even the same songs, she just didn't notice.)]
[and like. my brother chose a Volbeat song. she fucking loved it. I loved them for years when I was a teenager, and she never had a single nice thing to say about them. but as soon as my brother started liking them a few years later, she thought they were great. what?? her taste in music hasn't changed in at least 30 years so it's definitely not that. or when I chose a song that she liked and she was like "??? how do you know that band?!" as if the idea that I could have even heard of a band she liked is just insane. I'm an adult and this really should not matter to me but it just. does.]
I think the exhausting part was just my mother, now that I'm thinking about it. everything else was fine - fun, even.
#I literally didn't realise that last bit until I wrote it all down#I thought people in general are just exhausting and they are. but it's completely different with her#I always have to pay attention to everything she says especially when there are kids around. I won't let her treat them the way she#treated me#like yesterday she started screaming after my niece did something really nice for her just because she didn't do it exactly the way she had#wanted it.#and I had to calm her down before my niece came back so she wouldn't hear how angry she was#a normal adult wouldn't get that angry because a 10 year old brought her an open bottle of coke instead of an unopened one.. right?#I'm just now realising how fucked up that is. it's so different seeing her do this stuff to my niece and nephew#when I was that age I just thought that was normal#I only realised it wasn't when I told my therapist a few stories about my childhood and she was shocked lol.#but it's still really different seeing it happen now because I had convinced myself I was probably exaggerating.#because no one else from my family ever seemed to think it was weird#but now my husband has seen her do that shit enough times to tell me it's not normal#and my nephew is old enough to see it too so we talk about it sometimes#it still feels weird being the only person who ever tells her to stop but I guess that'll never change#this was supposed to be a short post about how weird it was to be around so many people after such a long time 😬 fuck.#and I know that most of what she did and said would only seem like a fun little anecdote to most people. that's what usually happens at#least. but it's not fun or quirky when it's been happening for 30 years and when someone is ALWAYS like that. idk. I'm probably just#fucking overreacting because that's what she's been telling me for 30 years so she's probably right. I don't fucking know.#personal
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