#a love letter for you because i didn't write anything on paper and i wont see you till Monday

[beemintty]

Dear Bunny,

you have always been brave and bold and strong and oh so beautiful and kind and generous and excited and so full of life and that's why I love you. I love you for everything you are, everything you were and everything you are becoming.

365 days ago, with 10 seconds of insane courage, i sent you a text: “have you ever slowly fallen in love with someone, knowing you cannot love them….?” and for the next 30 mins at 7pm on a Tuesday afternoon we danced around our supposed unrequited or unattainable love for each other until you sent, with 10 seconds of insane outage, “i love you, i think i always have.” the next day i saw you and don't think i have ever felt more ok than the moment you hugged me and i said “are we going to try this?” and you said “i think we should”. thank you for this chapter of our lives (with many more to come); this chapter called learning to love and be loved.

i used to be scared and uncertain but I'm not scared anymore. and I'll love you until you're not scared anymore.

I know that my love is often that soft and quiet, when you love me so loudly and boldly, but know this: loving you is like breathing— necessary and completely natural. you are my constant, my rising sun in the morning. my life partner. I choose you now and for as long as my soul lives.

no more dancing around truths: i love you with my whole heart. cheers to us and plenty more sunrises to come.

Bee <3

[sturnsdarling]

'I get them too, sometimes'

y/n has an anxiety attack, and bff!matt calms her down the only way he can think of in the moment

vibe check: detailed anxiety attack, comforting!matt, anxious!reader, fluffy ending cute vibes all round

1.5k words

A/N: WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN anyways this is based on the iconic stydia scene where stiles has a panic attack and lydia kisses him. I was gonna do it where Matt had the anxiety attack but it felt icky so I swapped it round. as an anxious girlie this was weirdly comforting to write and PART TWO IS HERE

love and cigs, merc

The boys' house was vibrating with the thump of music from every corner. People were pouring in through the front door, all mingling in the living room as Chris' party playlist blared through the speakers. Almost everyone in the influencer space was there, and you felt like the odd one out.

The boys' had begged you to come, pulling the 'it wont be the same without you' card as they all glared at you with puppy eyes. They knew parties weren't really your thing but, it was a celebration for them hitting seven million on their youtube channel and, you knew you couldn't miss it. So after some begging and bribing with 'literally anything you want from that weird old book shop in downtown' you agreed to go.

You felt like you were wearing a sign that said, in big bold letters; 'I don't belong here' as you lent against the kitchen counter, nursing some liquid courage. Chris was on the sofa, his laughter booming over the music as he sat with Nate and some boys you didn't recognise. Nick was at the drink station, making cocktails with the girls, pretending to be a bartender as he tired, and failed, at bar flares, making everyone around him curl over with laughter, as usual. Matt was on the other side of the kitchen, talking to some people about whatever show he was obsessed with at the moment and peering over at you occasionally to make sure you were okay.

More and more people started to pile into the house, more people than you even thought they knew, and at the sight of tens of faces you didn't know, a tight feeling started to form in your chest. You knew you were okay, because you had the boys, but they were off mingling and doing their rounds and you didn't exactly want to follow them around like a lost puppy.

You put your drink down, walking over to the sink to fill a red cup with water, your hand shaking slightly as you brought the cup to your mouth. You took a gulp and closed your eyes, taking a deep breath in and reminding yourself that you were fine, and you were in the boys' house. You knew that they wouldn't invite anyone that they didn't trust in their home and just kept reminding yourself of that.

An already drunk and giggly girl barged into the kitchen, flayling about without a care in the world as she backed up into you, knocking your drink from your hand and nearly pushing you into the sink.

"oh, shit, m'so sorry babe" she said as you turned around slightly. She placed a soft hand on your shoulder and squeezed it, "oh my god you're so pretty what the fuck!" she squealed, "m'sorry for spilling your drink" she slurred, sauntering away as you forced a smile.

Despite the somewhat sweet interaction, something about it made your fingers go numb, your chest tightening at the feeling of your wet shirt clinging to your skin. The walls started to close in and you felt as if you could feel the world turning on its axis. Your breath felt like sand paper against your throat as you tried to steady your rapid heart rate and failed.

You pushed your way through the crowds of people and b-lined for Matt's room, your knees nearly buckling under you as you desperately tried to calm your breathing.

As if he could feel your energy change, Matt instinctively looked for you in the crowd, catching a glimpse of your frame as you ducked between people, near enough running to his room.

"I'll be right back" he said to the guy in front of him, placing his drink down and following you through the crowd, calling out your name as he did.

You fumbled at the door handle, pushing yourself inside Matts room as your vision began to blur. Your chest was heaving up and down with rapid breaths, every inhale felt nearly impossible and everything around you was pulsating, your vision turning to a fishbowl as you clawed at your chest.

"y/n/n" Matt entered the room, searching for you in the dim light.

You turned to face him, your eyes brimming with tears as you pressed hard fingers into your sternum, Matts eyes widened at the sight of you and he shut the door, coming to you in an instant, gentle hands on your shoulders as he tried to keep them in one place.

"hey, hey, you're okay, you're okay" He repeated, knowing immediately what was happening.

"I can't - I can't breathe" you stuttered out, pleading eyes burning holes into his. Your knees buckled from under you, feeling like the world was shifting under your feet.

Matt followed you to the floor, hands still gripping your shoulders. "Its okay, breathe with me, okay?" He said, taking a long inhale and encouraging you to copy him, his eyes baring into yours.

You tried to mimic his movements, a shaky breath rattling through your nose. Matt breathed out, nodding as he did and you did the same, the feeling in your chest only worsening, it felt like someone had tied a belt round your shoulders, and was pulling it closed as tight as they could around your chest, watching with a smile as the breath left your lungs.

You clenched your eyes closed and shook your head, "s'not working, Matt, nothing is working" a small sob left you as you grew more and more frustrated.

His jaw clenched at the sight of your shaking frame, feeling utterly helpless as you clawed at your chest. He brought his hands to cup your cheeks, bringing your head up to look at him.

"Its okay, y/n, m'right here, I'm right here" he poured into you, not letting you break eye contact as he tried to breathe as slowly as possible.

His thumbs stroked soft touches against your cheek, his eyes racing around your face as you desperately tried to catch your breath. Your eyes flitted back and forth between his, searching for solace in his face, feeling like the walls were closing in around you. Matts eyes fell to your lips, and quickly met your eyes once more. Your brows furrowed in frustration, eyes running circles around his features as his lips parted slightly.

Before you could register what was happening, Matt pulled you into him, crashing his lips against yours in a soft yet strong kiss.

Your eyes widened at the feeling, Matts soft lips pressed against yours as he held you tight against his face. After a moment in the embrace, your shoulders relaxed and your eyes closed, and you started to kiss him back, your arms limp by your sides.

In that moment, you felt as if nothing mattered. Your heart rate slowed and you took a calm, steady breath in through your nose. Matt pulled away from the kiss, hands still wrapped around your face as you took a long breath out through your parted mouth. Matts eyes fluttered open and he let his hands drop down to his knees. Your eyes met his, slow breaths engulfing your lungs.

"h - how did you do that?" you asked in a breathy tone

"I um - I saw somewhere that the best way to stop a panic attack is by holding your breath, so" he muttered, averting his gaze from yours.

"so, when you kissed me" you began to speak

"you held your breath" he looked back up at you, bringing his lips inside themselves, the taste of your lip balm dancing on his tongue.

You smiled, a final, relieved breath leaving your lips as you stared into him.

"thankyou" your gaze was soft and utterly grateful, doe eyes pouring into his as he shuffled where he sat.

"of course" he shrugged, looking down to the floor

You sat in silence for a moment, not a trace of awkwardness hung in the air.

"I get them too, sometimes" Matt said as he toyed with a piece of lint on the floor.

"you do?" you said, still looking at him

"mhm" he nodded, meeting your eye-line, slightly taken back by you already looking at him, "feels like the whole world is crumbling around you, shits' not fun"

"yeah" you chuckled, relaxing where you sat.

"d'you - do you wanna hang out in here for a bit? I can stay with you" Matt said, his eye contact wavering at the offer only to return to you once more.

"oh you don't - you don't have to do that, Matt, you'll miss your party" you shook your head.

"I don't really like parties anyway" he replied, "I'd honestly rather sit here with you on the floor all night" he chuckled, gesturing to the floor.

You smiled as a soft laugh left your nose, "okay" you said.

"yeah?" his head shot up to meet your gaze.

"yeah." you nodded

taglist: @sturniozalt@mattslolita@shaquilles-0atmeal@blahbel668@sleepysturniolo@le4hsblog @sarosfilms @joemamaaa42069 @2muchofaslvt @seluky10

[c0co-cos]

Blue's Highest Rank

I felt horrible because I wrote someone else a story, but I didn't write @nozapuns-nsfw a story. So i'd like to award this Fan Fic to them. I absolutely love their artwork, and I hope they continue to work of their 'Fractured comic'

I love how listening to a song can completely change my idea for this story. It was first gonna be a full story and all, but throughout downloading music on my phone for a trip im taking, I found a gem.

The gem was "Oh Cruel Darkness, Embrace Me" by IAMX

So basically that's the song you should listen to while reading this.

Summary: Blue Berry was the best of the best. He was quickly going up the ranks to become part of the Royal Guard. That changed when Blue was introduced to Alphys and Undyne.

Tags:

Chapter 1: Oh Cruel Darkness, Embrace Me

Blue Berry was quickly working up the ranks. He started on the lowest of the low. Then he met Alphys, and thank lord he did. He was training with her, Every. Single. Day. He didn't really have any prior interactions with Alphys, but out of luck, they bonded quickly and things got straight to the point.

He had liked his time spent with Alphys, there was never a dull moment, Also he never knew what he was going to do during training. It always changed. It went to dodging attacks one day, to making Tacos in her kitchen the next. There was always something new to learn.

Blue wasn't sure when he met Undyne, but he knew Papyrus was friends with her. Papyrus didn't really get out the house much to hang out with anyone. Only time he went out was when he planned to get black out drunk at Muffets, but other than that, he found Papyrus going to Undyne's lab at random times during the night. He must have had a good reason to get up and go though. It wouldn't have been for nothing.

To Blues surprise, Papyrus actually knew Alphys. They had been friends before Undyne met Alphys. It always amazed Blue how almost everyone knew everyone in the underground.

Id it wasn't for Papyrus, he wouldn't know half the people he knows now. Papyrus was amazing. If it wasnt for him, Blue wouldn't have a room to sleep in nor have supplies to make food, even though Papyrus was mostly a lazy bum, he was Blue's lazy bum brother.

"Hey Alphys! Im here for today's training!" Blue couldn't wait for today's training, Alphys had something new in store, and laster on, Papy was going to come over and view their hard work.

Alphys jumped at the sudden loud voice coming outside her house. She had invited Blue earlier than usual, it wasn't something new shes done, but today she had a reason, and pulling it off wasn't going to be easy.

"Woah Blue, you scared me! Come on in, I gotta prepare the rest of the supplies."

Blue had already let himself in with the Key she leaves under the door mat.

"Wow Alphys, this place looks better and better each time we cook! With that being said, what are we making today? More tacos?"

"No, something better. Lets look at the menu."

Blue grabbed the piece of paper with the big letters on it spelling out 'MENU'. It had also been something Alphys did to tease Blue right before they started cooking. It was always Tacos, but he kept up the running gag, just for the giggles of it.

He unfolded it, revealing what they were going to make today. He eyes shrunk with fear.

"Today were making you.... Alphys this isnt funny you know!"

He saw Alphys out of the corner of his eye, he could see bright yellow magic coming off from her magically formed weapon. She loved using an axe. He quickly moved out the way, also using his bone attack to dodge it. He moved just in time, any second later, he would have been dust.

"Ha, nice Blue! You're getting better and quicker with each attack I throw your way. Sorry about my lil joke there, had to do something to get you distracted."

Blue's heart was pounding out of his chest. He knew at one point furing todays training, this would happen. Alphys said she does this to make him become aware of his surrounding at all times, but it still scared him shitless. Alphys could tell that Blue was very shook.

"Oh gosh, im sorry Blue. I should have done it while we were actually cooking. I won't do it again, I swear, just sit down at the table and ill make you some tea."

Blue dis just that. It was great to know Alphys didn't mean any harm, she never does. It was just a small scare, nothing else right?

"Here your tea Blue, again im sorry I did that. I wrote it for the fuck of it, then the idea came to mind where i can do the daily 'scare blue' skit, but it back fired. I truly am sorry Blue."

"No worries Alph. I know its a joke, I just need to stop being a big cry baby about it. Also thanks for the tea. But it's um.. Kinda sweeter than usual. What happened to 'my soul is black so my coffee and tea have to be the same'?"

"Oh actually its a different type of tea. Undyne gave it to me to try, and right now i can try it. But Blue, lets actually talk about the Guard. You kno--"

Blue couldn't think straight. He felt as if his whole world was spinning. He didn't like it, not one bit. Was it because of how scared he got earlier? Was he having a panic attack? He wouldn't know. He never had one before.

"Hey Alph. Im sorry but i think I got to cut th-this short. Sorry, it was uhh fun?" Blue was breaking a sweat by now. Maybe he was actually having a panic attack? Also what would he do about ? Papyrus wasn't home yet, and the way he was feeling, he wasn't getting home like this.

Blue looked up at Alphys. Her straight face had been completely gone, covered with a huge grin, starting from one side of her face to the other side. Blue was expecting her to look more freaked out like she had been when she had accidentally hurt him during training, but she stood absolutely still, giving Blue a horrid feeling.

"Oh please blue, what's wrong? Here, if you insist on leaving, let me carry you out the door." she said while walking towards his area. Blue was too freaked out by her fake response. It had seemed practiced, meaning she knew something he didn't.

Blue hesitated, backing away slowly from her, before bolting to the door. Even with how he was feeling, he could sense the danger. He didn't even make it anywhere close to the door, falling down after taking a couple of steps towards the direction. He couldn't move, and felt horribly tired.

For good measures, Alphys pinned him to the floor, magical axes surrounding him and the exit, if he planned to leave.

"Alphys? Why? What and why are you d-doing this? I'm sc-scared. Please, if I did anything to hurt you, l-l-let me know. I'll fix it just plea--" Blue had been cut off after he felt Alphys step on his ribcage. It hurt like hell, but he could take it.

"Honestly Sans, I'm sick and tired of you. Im doing this for myself, im just the message man at the point. But other than that, I can't stand you. Did you really think you, out of ALL monsters in the underground, you would be the same rank as me? There are kids, younger than you who have an actual chance of being in the Royal Guard. Sorry blue, you wont get the rank you want. But hopefully, this rank suits you and your lazy ass brother."

By this time, Blue had been trying to pull her leg off his ribcage. She was close to breaking it, and he would rather have a ribcage than none at all.

"OKAY OKAY OKAY G-GET YOUR LEG OFF!" Blue was struggling at this point. She was going to break it. He didn't want to die by getting stepped on, he was going to die in battle protecting everyone in the underground.

Alphys showed mercy, slowly lifting her leg off of his ribcage.

"This is how it's going to work okay Blue? I'm going to knock you out, don't worry, the most that would happen is you get a bruise, and I'll call Papy. You'll find everything out later. Goodnight Blue! Don't let the bed bugs bit."

Alphys couldn't really be doing this... It was a dream. He had to be. She would never harm him. At this point, hopefully Alphys knocking him out will cause him to wake up from this Nightmare.

Alphys came up to Blue, fist closed, ready to come in contact with his skull. It wasn't long before Blue actually knocked out.

Lucky for Alphys, the tea did most of the work, all she had to do was get him asleep. All she had to do now was call Papyrus and get him to teleport over to Undyne's lab.

Talking to people over the phone wasn't the easiest thing to do for her, but hey. She lied to Blue for most of tome they've known each other, so it shouldn't be harder over the phone.

"Pa-Papyrus? Oh thank god! Please come over quick! Its ! H-He fell and hit his head on the table! Come quick!"

Lucky for her, She didn't really have to give much detail regarding where she lived. Sometimes Papyrus would walk Blue home after practice, so he knew the way here. In seconds, a 'pop' noise came from inside her restroom.

"where is blue? oh my gosh... what happened?"

"I- I don't know! We were about to make Tacos, and he fell! Please take us to Undyne's lab, Im certain she knows what to do! S-she'll help!"

Papyrus didn't even have to think twice, he picked blue from off the floor, and teleported right into the lab.

Undyne was no where to been seen, and as the looks of it, so was Alphys. That's strange. Alphys was right next to him as he teleported.

"UNDYNE. NOW." Papyrus heard Alphys scream.He couldn't even turn his head before he passed out from whatever they did to him.

Him and blue were up for it when they woke up.

The story is also on my AO3, at @/sintaley if you would like to read it there :)

[aroherse]

— I’m sorry

[ Trigger Warnings — Suicide, Cancer Mentions, Child Death, Mentions of Child Suffering ]

And as fate has it, while the sweet innocent girl fought for her life, across town the stoner boy gave his up.

In most cases, on the outside looking in the person has an amazing life which leaves their friends and families there to wonder what had gone so wrong that the only right the person saw was an ending so tragic. In Arlo’s case, though, even on the outside looking in his life had been one tragedy to the next, back to back, barely leaving him enough time to mourn the tragedy that fell before. Most of which he had hidden from everyone because to him, dealing with it alone was better than putting his pain onto the people he loved. Looking back he couldn't remember the last time a smile of his was genuine, you could say he was good at acting. Even though most of the time Arlo spent in life he was shadowed by the sadness he couldn't shake, he was glad all of the other attempts had not worked. He was grateful to have had the opportunity to meet such amazing people that he was blessed to have called his friends. 

Admittedly, Arlo hated the fact that he knew what he was about to do was going to be the thing that stopped him from being able to see his friends again. Knowing he'd never see Abbie and Cyder hurt the most. Still, the sadness, the pain, it was too much to bare. He had tried incredibly hard to live with the pain. For a really long time, he had tried. But, tonight his fight was at its end. 

Arlo stared down at the papers, his eyes like empty voids. There were a lot of people he wanted to write something to but he knew he didn't have the time to. And so instead he wrote to those he could.

Abigail, 

Im sorry. I am so sorry, Abigail. You have lost so much in life and I hate myself for adding to that. You have always only ever deserved the absolute best in life and yet you were given so much pain and so much suffering. If there is a God, and if I end up where ever he is ill make him suffer more than he has made you suffer. I promise. 

 I never got the chance to tell you this but you need to know. You need to understand.

I was fifteen when I really started realizing I was gay. But I was a child, and I was scared of the truth. So I ran from it. And I kept running from it, until one day a girl knocked on my door and told me she was pregnant with my child. I remember the moment very well, I remember feeling scared and shocked but I also remember the feeling of having purpose. When the baby was born we named him Aaron. He was so beautiful, so precious. But like all things beautiful and precious in this world, god gave him a terrible fate. He was just days before turning one when we found out he had cancer. From there everything fell apart. He had made it to four when God decided his time was up. When he died my life flipped upside down, nothing matter and yet everything hurt. Everywhere I went I saw him, Chicago reeked of him. And it hurt because it was like he was so close but in reality he was gone. That's when I decided to move to Salem. And god am I grateful for doing so. If I hadn't I would have never been able to have gotten close to you. You may not know it Abbie but you created most of my happiness. And While i lived in Salem, you were my reason to live. 

Please don't be sad Abigail. Please don't cry. Let yourself be the reason your life from here on out is a great one. You deserve happiness. And Xavier could be just that for you, so let him be. 

I love you, Cage. 

You have been an angel in my life, now let me be an angel in yours. 

Cyder, 

You can't read this now but I would never leave without saying goodbye to you. But before I say goodbye I would like to say a few things. You may never read this but with the small chance that you do someday here it is. 

You filled a darkness in me with the brightest light. 

When I think about how much pain this world put on you at such a young age I want to hurt the world. Make the world pay for what it did. You haven't even realized it yet but you have lost so much and for that I am so sorry.  But please know that I love you. Take what the world gave you and show the world it couldn't break you. I know you'll do great things in life and i'm sorry I wont be there for it. 

But never forget, I love you with everything I am and everything I was. 

Noah,

I know things got complicated for a while but i hope you know there were feelings there. I have never been good with expressing feelings but just know I liked you a lot more than the word like could have explained. One day you'll find someone that will mean the world to you, someone who will treat you like your are the world, and you will be their world. Don't settle for less. You're perfect the way you are, Noah. Don't let the world change you. 

Keep me in your heart, my love. 

Harley,

You were right. I couldn't run from my problems and I should've listened when you told me that but instead I tried to run from them. Maybe if I had listened things would be different. Maybe I could have fixed the problems but instead I ran and allowed them to eat me whole in the process. But that's not what this letter is about. I need to say goodbye to you. These goodbyes are getting hard. Because truthfully I don't want to say goodbye to any of you, you all mean so much to me. Still, it is my time to go. When your babies are born life's gonna change. For the better, I promise. It will get hard, at times but don't let that discourage you. It'll be worth it in the end. You're strong, Harley. You're strong but you hurt still. And i'm so sorry for adding to the pain. I love you, and I hope life treats you right.

Mason, 

Marlo was a mess, that's for sure, and maybe it was life's way of telling us you were meant for Harley and I was meant for what i'm writing this letter about. Either way, you're a good person, Mason. Treat Harley good, don't let small things like alcohol or petty fights get in the way of what you two can have together. Even though I won't be there I know your wedding will be amazing. This is short, but i'm running out of time. Hopefully the world eases your pain, you deserve to be happy. 

Levi, 

Im sorry. I know that doesn't change anything but I need to say it. I don't want to die, I don't want to hurt anyone, but I can't live. Not like this. Don't let this ruin you. Maybe, wherever I am as you read this, im happy now. That's all I ever really wanted. I love you, know that I died loving you. 

To those who care,

I wish I could write a letter to everyone. To all of the people I love. But I can't, and for that I'm sorry. I don't want to fight to live in a world where pain is more common than love. Where sadness is lurking around every corner. Even so, I hate how my death will cause other’s sadness. Remember me as who you all saw, because that is who I wanted to be. I thought that if I tricked everyone into believing I was that happy, high guy who flirted too much and had no care in the world then one day Id trick myself into believing it to. But that's not the case, under all of that was the truth, and I couldn't handle it. 

Its sad, don't you think? How someone could care more about hurting others than they do about taking their own life. Yet that's exactly what life had become for Arlo as he sat on the ledge of the hospital window. He had placed the notes on his bed before he had climbed throw the window. His feet dangled over the ledge as he stared down at the streets under him. Closing his eyes he stayed still for a moment. Listening to the cars drive by, Occasional horns being honked. The cold air nipped at his skin as his hair flew around him. Opening his eyes he looked down again. One move and he'd fall down 8 flights. And that's just what happened. 

———————————————

Arlo Aaron Herse — 04/20/1998-12/31/2018

— "Sorry for the inconvenience, we're trying to save the world."