#a lot of bad memories and awkward stuff i'm trying to stop beating myself up for

[j-the-wanderer]

((A quick update on me!

SO I stopped writing on this blog about maybe 5-6 years ago, I've not kept track, because a lot of stress and depression hit really hard around the tail end of highschool, and still hit pretty bad as I entered college! I have a lot of bad stories about that experience, but to put it another way, I hadn't the energy or time to try and re-start this blog and seek out new people to write with, or new things to write about.

That said.

I'm now in a screenwriting course in college, which has been reigniting some of the fire when it comes to writing characters and storytelling, though not necessarily in the vein of RPing. The practice in writing and thinking about this sort of thing, limited though I had, certainly made it easier to get into, however. I'm not going to be posting my assignments from class to here, but I just want to say thanks, to all of you guys years ago who followed here and wrote with me back in the day. I was an awkward, autistic highschooler who probed into subjects that might've not necessarily been appropriate at the time. I definitely know I may have been irritating, annoying, or even hurtful without intending to be or noticing, which I apologize for, but I hope I can convey that my gratitude for you guys is genuine. I'm still working a lot on some social stuff, and I do mess up in some major ways here and there (don't even talk to me about relationship drama) but I view this blog as an older means of self-expression to me, and something I used to really help kinda find myself back in the day.

So, yeah, to anybody who might be reading this, thanks for sticking by. I'm down to talk with anybody, and while I'm still a bit low-energy, I'm still down to write a little bit here and there, but don't expect frequent or massive updates to things like character descriptions or the blog's appearance from here on in. At this point, I view it as a little bit of a time capsule, here, just for me.

Anyways, that's about all from me. I still have a few plans and projects planned for these OC's of mine, and I'm slowly working towards the skills and motivation I would need to execute on them until I'm satisfied with it, so stay tuned. You might see something familiar, somewhere else.))

[mother-snake]

I FOUND FREE TIME!! Sorry if this one is a bit rushed Jessie!!

Italics are memories

-----

The first thing a yellow side notices is that his head feels like its being split open. The second thing is that he's laying on a very soft couch. And the third? The third is that he doesn't remember anything.

He makes a slight noise of discontent before opening his eyes, only to have five people swarm him. Talking to him very fast and keep trying to touch him. He tries to curl up only to be unable to move.

One by one the colourful people back away only a dark blue person stayed by him. His lips keep moving but it all sounds like its underwater. Only to clear.

"-us, Janus! Can you hear us?"

His voice is raspy but he manages to respond, "Who's Janus?"

The people seemed to not like that answer, he didn't know why but making someone upset makes him feel like he's in danger, the indigo side didn't react that much.

"You are Janus, that is your name. Do you remember us?"

Janus shook his head.

"Well, I am Logan, Thomas's logic. The red side is Roman, one half of creativity. Green is Remus, the second half of creativity. The purple one is Virgil, he represents anxiety. And the light blue side is Patton. Thomas's morality.

Janus seemed to be taking the information in. Thinking about that one name he said... What was it? Timothy? Tobias? Travis?

"Do you remember Thomas?"

Janus had to stop and think. Thomas... Thomas was their centre. I'm one of his sides. Janus nodded

Logan handed Janus a glass of water, helping him take careful sips. The water felt like heaven, it was cool and soothing. But the heaven was gone soon enough.

"Do you remember your function?"

He squeezed his eyes shut trying to remember. "Deception?.....Or was it self preservation? I- I can't remember."

Logan had a small smile on his lips. "You are correct, your title is Deceit and your function is Self Preservation."

"Deceit... Isn't lying bad? Am I bad? Why does my head hurt?" Janus didn't notice the looks of pain on the others faces because they put those thoughts there.

Logan's smile disappeared. "No, you are not a bad side. You work for the good of Thomas. Why would you think that?"

"Because they told me so."

"Who?"

"..... I don't remember... They wore a lot of black."

"Do you mean the Dark Sides?"

A sharp gasp came from the yellow side. Blood, there is so much blood. Its my blood. Screaming. No, not screaming. Yelling. I'm running, the hallway is dark, the rug keeps triping me, my door lock is broken, I'm hiding... I can feel my breath.... The door to my room is open. Orange. I scream.

Janus is still screaming, he's trying to run but something is holding him down, he can feel someones breath. "Let me go! Please I'll do what you want!" he feels a slight sting in his arm before his eyes get blurry. The voices in the background get farther away as he feels himself involuntarily relax and fall back asleep.

Logan pulls the needle away as Roman, Remus and Virgil all let go of the sleeping side. Worry is blinding them as all of them walk into the kitchen to talk.

"The NopeRope doesn't remember anything. What do we do here?" Roman kept messing with his sash.

"His memory seems to come back with certain prompts or questions. However it seems to have a bad reaction-"

"A bad reaction? A BAD REACTION?? Logan, he was screaming for help while repeating the word no! That is more then JUST a bad reaction!!

Logan sighed, "Virgil, I know that you're worried about him but he does need to get his memory back."

"Does he?"

Everyone was now staring at Patton.

"I mean well, if he doesn't remember what the others put him through and what we put him through maybe he would be happier? He just looks to peaceful while he's asleep that I've never seen him have before."

"He will most likely remember anyway when he sees the scars, we can not hide this from him forever."

The kitchen was now an awkward silence. Until Remus broke it.

"How long till he wakes up, nerd?"

"Should be around 3 hou-"

"He'll be awake in five"

"What? Why five?"

"He's smaller then normal, plus he's not a full grown side yet, so-"

"What?" Patton didin't seem happy knowing that info.

Remus shugged, "he popped up in the gray when Thomas was ten, followed virgil around like a lost puppy next to a railroad. He just grew fangs a few months ago! I don't think they have venom though, bit of a shame. Everything is better with venom.-"

"Remus, getting off track here. Janus is the youngest?"

Remus nodded enthusiastically. "Yep" poping the P, "he was a cute little baby snake! Loved strawberries! The other three didn't like him very much though."

Patton was pressing his palms to his eye sockets. "they burned, beat and tried to kill a child?"

Remus nodded and looked to the ground.

The sides split up to go a few things before Janus woke up again.

When Janus opened his eyes all he could smell was strawberries. A song played in the background. He felt stronger and managed to sit up. He looked on the TV to see a frog singing the loveliest lies of them all.

"Vee! Vee!" Boucing up and down. "Can we watch Over The Garden Wall?" Virgil looked over at the shorter side. "You just watched it yesterday, short stack" even though the yellow side was 15 he still bounced and gave Virgil the puppy dog eyes. Virgil sighed, "Fine. Bring up the episode." trying and failing to sound annoyed. The smaller side smiled even wider.

"Vee?" Janus mumbled under his breathe the name. The side in the memory looked similar to...What was his name? VIRGIL! That was it! Was Vee Virgil? The snake zoned out in his thoughts and the song from the frog. Only to be brought out of it when a light blue side stood in front if him.

"Patton? That was your name right?"

"Yep! You got it in one mr scales!" Patton seemed nice, wait. Scales?

Get out of here you slimy boi! reptilian rapscallion! Snake! Evil! Villian! You are no good for Thomas! Just leave! Leave! LEAVE! LEAVE!

Janus lifted his hand and touched the left side of his face. Smooth scales greeted his hand and old burnt skin next to his eye. Tears started to leak for a reason he couldn't pin point. Continuously touching the scales, stoking over the sharp bottom of scales. Sooner then he thought someone was sitting next to him.

Patton sat next to him and was counting numbers.

1 2 3 4. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Janus didn't know what the numbers where but he followed along anyway.

Soon he could smell the strawberries again. He likes strawberries right? Janus thinks he likes strawberries. When he looks up, Patton gives him a hug. Wincing when his arms touch something on his back.

More and more time passes. With each memory things get clearer. Janus still doesn't know why he can't remember anything. Until another memory happens.

"WILL YOU PLEASE JUST SHUT UP?" " No! Roman I want to apologize! I'm sorry I compared you to your brother! I'm sorry I manipulated you at the courtroom! I'm sorry I sent Remus to deal with my problems! You don't have to forgive me but ay least listen to me!" Roman growls "FUCK OFF!!" And suddenly, he is back at the dark household.

He needs to get out before the others find him. Who knows what they would do to h- "Ohhh Deceit! So lovely for you to stop by~" Too late.

He runs to his room, tripping on the carpet. The lock is broken. He hides in the closet. Wrath finds him. He's dragged to the dark side commons and chained to a wall for days to become the personal punching bad. Apathy set him on fire, Wrath beat him up and Depression.... Depression did something to his head. He was thrown into the gray after depression had his fun. Then he blacked out

Janus doesn't want to leave his room. He's being punished for wanting to apologize. That seems like bullshit to him.

Weeks pass. People keep knocking on his door, they say that they're worried. What a bunch of liars.

After a month, the sides make Thomas take them inside if the bedroom. After a bit of convincing, Janus tells them everything.

And much to his surprise. They are livid.

------

Beep boop. Thingy done! I hope this thing made sense! Brain is broken atm. This one was inspired by Once Upon a December from Anastasia.

This turned out a lot more fluffy then I originally thought.... Hope ya like it! I need to go write a poem now ❤💛❤

protcetive sides alert! yeah! may i say that this is some quality content? im running out of things to say wihout repeating myself but they are all just so amazing and normaly leave me with energy to write stuff. (sorry im responding to these now, i was asleep when i got them last night and consumed by school fr the past few hours...)

[fortheloveofkuroo]

Downpour

You sighed. The sky is looking gray and cloudy. Looking so gloomy and sad. With a slight of a not-so-heavy-but-not-so-light-either rain.

Another bad weather and now you're stuck in the school. All alone by yourself. Actually today makes your third time being stuck in the school untill dawn.

It's actually kinda funny. Somehow you can predict the weather and you still forget the silly little umbrella. This morning's sky is already so dark and in this state everybody will atleast bring their umbrella. But not you.

"Crap, i think i left my wallet in the class-" "Ah it's raining."

Your heart explode. Someone's voice is behind you. And it sounds familiar. A tall figure is now standing behind you.

You turn your head quickly, looking at the boy with two tone hair, heterochromia eyes, and those emotionless yet charming face. His brown-torquoise eyes are staring right into the gray sky. Guess this time you're not the only one who got stuck.

"Aren't you going home?" he turn his face to yours and made an eye contact. And this got you nervous as hell. I mean, how can you act normal around this perfect charming man without feeling nervous. And it's getting worse when he move himself to stand next to you.

Your cheeks are burning, heart heating fast. Why? Because you got a crush on him. I mean, come on who doesn't?

It's all started when you met him on elementary. At first, you hate him. He's so cold and mean. But a weird feelings started to appear in your chest when you see him smiling to himself when he eats his favorite meal and eventually you fall for him in the 3rd grade. He's already famous. He's good looking and smart and strong. You actually admire his scars, despite those cold gaze and unsociable self.

Then Junior High is coming. Once you both graduated, Shoto went to a nearby famous Junior High. He's gone and you just throw your feelings away like it was nothing. Like those 3 years of memories never happened. Still, sometimes you remember how silly yourself trying to talk to him and get to close to him.

"It was a puppy love. I know nothing back then." those are the words you keep thinking when you remember the pieces of memories about him. But you aware that this feeling could go back someday.

And it does. When High School starting, you expect nothing. Really. Untill on your second year, He applied to your school. Same grade, but different class.

You feel nothing. Even though there is a slight hope waiting inside your little heart, you choose to ignore it. The first day of school is getting closer. And you looking forward to see his face. The fact that waiting to be able to saw him again is somehow.. Exciting? Like is he getting taller? Does his voice change already? And all of the basic stuff you want to know.

And the day is here. You saw him. Quickly making your way to him. You greet him with a cheerfull "Hi!". You already prepared yourself for getting no reply, instead his gaze met yours and a small smile curve on his lips. all of sudden his hand reaches your arm and grips it. "You're here? You study at this school?" he ask you obliviously. Duh, you're actually wearing the uniform right now.

You laugh. His oblivious self is still there. But he changed a lot. And the fact that your heart skip a beat when his hand touched you. What does it mean?

"Hi."

Your mind went blank. Shoto smiles? Is this a dream? You look shocked and Shoto just stood there infront of you with his oblivious face. And his first day of school are filled with girls surrounding him. But the way he only show his smile to you is just doesn't make sense to you.

Another day when Shoto made your heart almost popped off your body, It's Lunch. Just when you make your way downstairs, a voice rings in your ear. It's him.

"Uh hey." he walks quickly to match your pace. You, who's now red as hell only nods.

"Aren't you going to eat? Let's go." his slender hand pat your arm and he just disappeared. And that little contact is enough to make you blushing like crazy. Right after buying your lunch meal, you pass him quickly. Avoiding any eye contact that possibly will just make you nervous and awkward.

Then there's today. You two, alone got stuck. You silently steal a glance at his side profile and your cheeks already heating up. Goddamnit why did he always manage to steal your heart?

"You didn't bring your umbrella?" he asked, without turning his head. Still staring blankly at the sky. You shook your head. and sits at the entrance.

Shoto sigh. "It's practically dark this morning, why don't you bring one?" You frowned. "Well how about You?" looking at his empty hands you're assuming that he doesn't bring any umbrella too.

"Well actually yes i didn't bring one for myself too." Shoto agree. You smiled when he sits beside you and hums. He's still the same Shoto you know. But what happened to him after all of these years just to comeback and i don't know, see you again after all this time?

He tilted his head. Eyes locked on yours. His different-colored eyes are just stunning. But your heart is too weak for that so you have to look away. Not too long, you hear a little chuckle. Shoto laughs.

"W-What's so funny?" you asked. Panicking if maybe something weird is on your face. He shook his head and once again smiles. Ah those smiles. The smiles that melts your heart. "You're so red. You look like a boiled crab." Feeling insulted, you hit his arm. "How dare you!" you shouted. Shoto only laughs.

"So.. Are we planning to stay here untill the rain stop, or?"

Shoto glances at you. Then gave one more smile to you. He stands up. Is he going to ask you to go home together with him? So you followed him and stands up too.

"Actually i-" "Sho!"

a high-pithed voice come from the hallway surprises you both. A beautiful girl with a black silk-like hair appear with an umbrella in her hand. She smiles to Shoto then to you.

"This is Momo." Shoto introduce her to you. She bows and smiles gracefully. "It's nice to meet you (Y/N)-san. I hear a lot about you from Shoto."

"She's my girlfriend. Isn't she pretty?" he smile. Those precious smile.

Your eyes widened. Your smile slowly fading. Did he just said "girlfriend"?

"I'm actually planning to go home with her. Is it okay? You're alone though." Shoto asked you with a worry face and you quickly shook your head. Eyes looking down with a forced fake smile.

"It's fine. You can go. Be carefull. The road is slippery." you smile. Eyes avoiding his face. Making sure that he doesn't find out your teary eyes.

"Alright then. See you (Y/N)." he left with her girlfriend. Sharing the same umbrella. You clenched your jaw. Looking up and stare at the ceiling. Prefenting the tears to go down and spill.

Your head is a mess. At this time, you don't even care what will happen. So you grip your bag and run. Running through the heavy rain. Cold water keeps hitting your skin. Making your hand and legs tremble. It's cold.

But the view infront of you is more painfull. Looking at them, the boy you always loved and his perfect girlfriend, holding each other's hand and feeling each other's warmth under the same umbrella in a heavy rain.

Yout forced a little smile. Atleast your tears aren't visible now.

---

It's actually a Normal High School!AU. And this is true story hehe. This story is actually my story. But ofc i added something to make it more dramatic. Untill now my feelings are still unstable lol it's okay tho hope yall enjoy this short story!