#a less patient human would have been like fuck that noise I'm gonna go off to have fun you stay here and sulk if you want

[niuxita21]

(✿ ♥‿♥) Drunk!Mariana Edition

Bonus: The adorable way she looks at Ana while trying to comfort her as best she can in her sleepy drunk state

[hartshorn-and-isinglass]

Vampires But Different This Time, No Really.

So the funny post about projected literary trends for 2024 and the whole "we're gonna do vampires a whole different way this time, I swear" has been rotating in the back of my mind for a while now. I'd like some more variety besides the usual "came back sexy" or "came back monstrous, but stacked" stuff. There's a certain frailty to the flagship Victorian novel vampires, even Dracula himself: he hunts the most vulnerable, sneaks around to attack them, and is frightened away easily the moment anyone shows an interest in protecting his chosen victim. Really not the overpowered demon he ends up being in cinema. And the real-life vampire panics of the early-mid modern age were very much about vampires as agents of disease: ill patients died and then came back because according to folklore that's just a thing that happens sometimes.

So yeah, I guess I'm proposing a model of vampirism cause that's a normal thing to do on a weekend night, right? I'm probably going to be using this for my projects later but absolutely feel free to borrow and iterate on if you want.

First off, while this vampirism is an affliction, ixnay nixnay on the vampirism having a biology-based disease process that you can study in the lab. Sorry, fam. You just piss off biologists when you try to come up with a microbe-based reason for the dead coming back. If this is taking place in a modern setting, the scientists get to be just as clueless and freaked out as people would have been back in the days before modern medicine.

Second, let them have weaknesses to balance out the gained supernatural powers but with a disease-like quality to them. Sharpened senses of perception like extending vision in the near-infrared, more acute hearing, and the ability to detect pheromones and track a scent also mean disliking bright lights, loud noises, and strong smells. Garlic? Depends on how much you liked garlic as a mortal, but you're going to like it a lot less than you did before. Sunlight won't turn you into a crispy critter but it will give you a blinding headache and a blistering rash. I'm also fond of the "has to sleep in native dirt" thing; it's the kind of limitation that will always be in the back of a vampire's mind, so that has chronic-illness vibes. I also like the general Castlevania idea that right-angle crosses will fuck with your vision but more as a trigger for migraine-like visual auras, with crosses made of reflective material or in high contrast against a backdrop being the most effective.

I wanna load vampires up with some additional debuffs so you can really crank up the pathos. Stoker's Dracula has some clear parallels with demonic possession, in that Dracula chooses a single victim to corrupt and torment until they die. Each year during Dracula Daily season people wonder "why is Dracula being so inefficient in his hunting patterns?" and I wanna be like, "what if this is the most efficient hunting pattern? What are we missing?". What I think we're missing: Stoker's Dracula is not only draining the blood but also the souls of his victims, culminating in their death. I'm proposing that the corruption/consumption of the soul is just as vital as the blood itself in nourishing a vampire, so if you take blood from a consenting victim and let them live you're not getting the soul-stuff.

A vampire thus malnourished doesn't get the full benefits of immortality--let's say it keeps you going but doesn't fully restore you to that "came back sexy" ideal--any vampire who stays invulnerable and eternally youthful had to hurt and kill for it. If you decide to be a more ethical vampire, your body will age, albeit somewhat slower than humans, you will not be as powerful, and also sometimes your body just won't work right because it isn't getting everything it needs from your diet. If you decide you're gonna try and feed on animals to avoid the human cruelty the upshot is that you're now incorporating animal blood and soul-stuff into your system and you may start to take on the traits and limitations of those animals, losing your humanity in the process. Drink from too many herbivores and you may find you've extinguished your own drive to feed and are now going to starve to death, confused and frightened as a prey animal--or at least that's the lore that goes around vampire circles. Maybe it's true, maybe not.

In this light, siring another vampire to share this unfortunate fate is kind of a shitty thing to do, and so of course the most prolific sires tend to be assholes with zero scruples. Eventually a childe will be absolutely done with their sire's shit and leave, or if the relationship was especially bad, they'll kill them. This sort of toxic start to unlife leads vampires to be wary of their own kind by default. Often the vampires who strive to be more ethical will just give up on associating with other vampires entirely.

So yeah, that's what I've got so far. I want to flesh out more about the process of turning into a vampire and some more abilities and disabilities that come with the package, but I'm gonna stop here and get some sleep.

[nuitsrevolver]

— Let it bury me alive,

I drank too much wine the other night, can't deny, lost in the mirages of my head I started to reassemble the pieces of my life while looking at my lipstick-tainted glass. Where am I am now ? Where have I been all this time ? Do I know who I am ? All these questions popped into my skull, and I started to overthink, poured some more rosé between my lips and got ready for another night without much sleep. At some point, realizing I was hurting myself and rotting my shell once again made me think I have some demons to exorcize – if I said I wasn’t already aware it would be a lie, I'm overwhelmed by all these dark skeletons growing behind my cristal eyes.

I sat in the corner of my quiet room with the only sound of my own breathing as a background melody, I lit a cigarette and got caught in a world I can't resist, in a universe I can't fight with my broken fists. In this kingdom far from flesh and bones, close to despair and stones, those skeletons are always there, waiting for the first weakness, waiting for my eyes to get tired because they are sleepless – most of the time, I don't get much rest. They appear when I don't expect them, rising from ashes and I know it's in vain, I can't stop them when they are crawling inside of my brain. I often feel lost in my own head for reasons I can't explain : am I weird, or am I just haunted ? I lead myself to injuries and have these self-destructive bad habits : overthinking on things that don't need it, growing insecurities out of nothing, making my brain explode, my mind implode, until I'm laying on the cold floor searching for an exile to shut up the fucking noise. I'm losing my soul and it's loud and I can't see through it all, it's like I'm so damaged sometimes I just can't reach the shore.

If I had to turn it into a tragic metaphor, falling into the abyss would be the same feeling as having your head underwater. As if you dived too deep into tormented waters, didn't realize the danger and you hear thunder but it's only the echoes of your pain yelling “Come on, you can't die six feet under !”. You feel the pressure, you’re so far away from the surface, you're stuck and crushing between the waves, your eyes get blurry, your head is dizzy, you need oxygen in one hell of a hurry. You finally realize that you're not gonna die, 'cause there's a hand pulling you out, a final wave bringing you back to the light, but until it happens you're struggling and suffocating 'cause you really need to breathe, so here comes panic – why the fuck did I dive so deep ?

In those moments when my mind is hazy, this is the way it feels. I'm underwater and it feels like drowning, even though I know I'll get through it ; but at the exact moment when my brain cells are crashing I'm poisoned so deep beneath my skin that I can't think straight, the venom is going far under my burning flesh until I break into a million pieces. It lives in me, it feeds itself with my vulnerability, fucked up ability, and there's nothing I can do but wait for it to add its salt on my wounds – I'm already doomed.

Sometimes I get lucky and it's quiet for days, or even weeks and I almost forget it, other times my mind is a real monster and I just don't know how to fight this beast. So I sink underwater, in my brain it feels like slaughter and I'm afraid I might be reduced to dust a second later ; but I’m not, because even if I'm sick of myself and wish I could leave my head, turn off all those fucking cells that are turning me insane, I know I'll get through it. In a few weeks, in a few days, or even in a minute. Sometimes all by itself my brain finds the right road all over again, other times there's a hero in disguise who pulls me out of my dark places, and I drown less.

No matter how hard this condition might be, there is something that pain has taught me : it's never permanent, and it's also convenient. How would I be able to appreciate the warmth of the sun if I wasn't familiar with the pouring rain ? How would I be able to enjoy moments of pure bliss if I didn't know what it was like to be a huge unfixable mess wrapped in despair ? I'm only human, I have a damaged brain, so let it rain. Let it be a cataclysm, let it tear me into pieces, let it burn me, consume me, bury me. Let it destroy me, I know I'll breathe again. I'll rise through the flames 'cause there's more than pain, more than rain, more than only storms even if you own a shattered soul. I know now, there's always some source of light at the end of the road, just be patient until you reach the shore.

　　— 𝖧𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗐𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀.