#a full set of scabbed wounds at all times that he cant help but play with

[fellator]

kind of wanted a face claim for giuseppe but I do not watch enough television for this kind of thing, least of all italian television

[westernchords]

2020: a replay & reflection

so... here we are at the near end of a very long, unsettling & strange year. and at this particular moment in time, spotify has released its 2020 wrapped feature, an annual highlight for gay people everywhere (self VERY included). since the world is very large & this is a personal blog with a limited scope, i'll talk about what i know best: the view from my corner of the musical world.

i only had two songs in common with any previous year -- i wish i missed my ex by mahalia & sugar by brockhampton (... i know, the heartache is loud already,)

4 unique rain asmr audios made it into my top 15 (they help me sleep lolol)

show tunes was my #4 most listened to genre and yet not a single one made it into my top 100. (i'm pretty sure it was all of my late night waitress sing alongs)

i discovered 1,012 new artists and 162 new genres

all very fun and interesting things! however, in looking at this year, there are two things to discuss that are most important: the amount of time i spent listening to music (111,989 minutes) and my top song, fake mona lisa. let's discuss both.

on time: in short, music means a lot to me. in long, i mean that music has been central to my life for as long as i can remember. i think of my church choir and my mother singing eartha kitt and corrine bailey rae in the kitchen, my father's surprise talents at piano when he would play in chapel, and how i like to make up little ditties to sing for my dog or while i cook or to solely entertain myself. if one was to take a look at my journals, each entry is annotated with the song i was listening to or suited my mood at the time i was writing. at any moment, i am capable of revisiting the emotional landscape of old memories all set to the very soundtrack that holds that particular past closest.

i still remember plucking violin strings at 5, how i used to stack music books so i could sit up straight on my piano bench because i was too short at 7, picking up woodwinds in highschool and letting my best friend act as conductor, and now, singing endlessly- day in and day out, because it makes me feel like i am traveling home. i think of creole folk songs that connect me to my family, my diaspora. i remember the favorite songs and artists of people i don't know anymore, but still. it stays with me. my friend cj says i have a great emotional sensitivity to music, but more so, music simply connects to every cornerstone of who i am. the creation of it, the listening, the love of it. the constancy.

music is integral to my daily routine and life. since i was 13, maybe younger, i have always believed that the first song i hear in a day sets the tone so i always try to play something i love and makes me feel joyful to start off on the right foot. i will do this my entire life. every day is permeated by sound and the data shows it. 111,989 minutes is almost 3 months straight. this doesn't even count soundcloud listens or youtube tracks or music i play on my own. this felt fitting. music, this year in particular, has been a salve to both new and old hurt. and maybe i am picking at my scabs, but 2020 has amplified so much anger and shame and fear and despite that, there is so much joy in art. music is a balm for the world, it is poetry in its own right.

on fake mona lisa: so .. i am kind of obsessed with this song. fifteen hours worth of listening, i text my friends i'll join the video call soon - i just need one more replay, i got high and played this song while lying in the middle of a meadow and experienced more emotions than i had had in a very long time, my friends lovingly tease me about it so it's sort of like a character trait now, kind of obsessed. my turning to this song was the sort of romance that i didn't anticipate, but fell very hard into and, if you know me, you know that's my favorite kind. let's get into why: when dedicated side b came out, i was heartbroken. there's really no other way to put it. i was alone, back in my childhood bedroom, and harboring a reopened wound from past relationships that maybe had never closed in the first place. i was in this strange, melancholic knee-deep-in-emotions place & if you're an avid CRJ fan, you recognize that's a place she knows and sings about well.

as a song, fake mona lisa tends to be one of carly's more lyrically opaque tracks. which is fine, i'm a storyteller at heart, i'll craft my own narrative. (and honestly, there wasn't much legwork here.) without doing a full blown analysis, here are pieces that i find important to note about the song lyrically and resonate most with me -- big or small.

(transcription at bottom)

what i'm basically saying is that this song is about risk and young love and sex. its about secrets, cheap thrills, fast & easy desires, and the fantastical euphoria of a dead-end-but-still-fun “we're young so what's the matter,“ relationship. (very reminiscent of LA hallucinations, imo) and to me, someone who has been in and out of this same subset of emotional affairs, fake mona lisa stuck with me. vegas is a city of high risk, high reward- where else to chase that superficial, unattainable someone? more so, the song gives you the understanding that the relationship doesn't last, but that was not what carly ever truly wanted out of it. fake mona lisa is, at its core, about over indulgence in pleasure as a stand in for actual love + commitment, something i am oft to do myself & only did more of after dedicated side b dropped. i latched onto the slow and simmering exposition into glittery pre-chorus, starlit imagery, shiny-faraway vocals, and frankly, there was no competition for my song of the year. the song is a dream. i love it and i know what that says about me, but i stand by it. 

dedicated side b, especially fake mona lisa, carried me through the healing process of heartbreaks that crystallized into many other things- indulgence, desire, risk, short lived romances, secrets, joy, kisses i should've kept to myself, spontaneous dance breaks, tears, etc., it is an album about love, recovery, and returning to the self. fake mona lisa is just my favorite stop on a long train ride to an okay-ness with aspects of romance (both with the self and others) that i am still figuring out the messy, rose-tinted, contours of.

and sonically? i just adore the key of d minor.

as a last touch point, fake mona lisa was only the tip of the iceberg of songs  i obsessed over about not-exactly-ideal romances. again and again and again, heartbreak anthems appeared in my top 100, a deviation from my typical warmth towards romantic sentiments that appeared in past years. instead, there is a sense of love-at-a-distance, a painting yourself as the object of desire, a severed attachment, a not wanting to commit at all (see let's be friends, heartbeat, want you in my room, all by crj ... all appearing on the list.) however, much of what appeared celebrated love and having tremendous, special, struck by cupid, feelings. it's all there. what i'm saying is that carly rae jepsen writes music for lovestruck people- both lucky and not so much, hopeless or hopeful -- you name it. she writes about how you can fall in love with almost anyone, soundtracks for the highs of the first throes of intimacy, the first (and last) kiss, the shared moments between two people when they are each other's whole world, and the palpable distance of heartache, separation, and the landscape between. 

she writes as though she is both eros and psyche, armed with arrows of cascading melodies, tipped with a salve for suppressing+healing+amplifying heartbreak, and lyrics so intimate and dreamy, you really can't help but believe in love with the way she speaks of it. love is a venture from shame, a fantasy that is more real than anything else, tender and kind, pleasurable, and escapable into. the world is better in it, the world is better because of it. in carly rae jepsen's discography, love is the defining pillar of experience. a northern star and guiding principle. it is the only thing, no matter what form. & frankly? i cant help but agree.

as a final note, in hanif wills-abdurraqib's emotion review for MTV, carly rae jepsen's public displays of affection, he says this:

thats all for now. bye 2020.

- august

///

transcription of my notes:

verse 1:

city/star light imagery

i am known for wearing a star stamp on my cheek

infatuation & attraction

paints a photo of a starlet and her lover, a fair weather affair

pre-chorus:

always waiting fro a chance the object of desire

a high from love, addictive pleasures

chorus:

sex & art & risk taking (art synonymous with beauty. + seduction)

she knows she cant handle this in a real way, but wants it

desire vs/& (in conjunction with) pain

verse 2:

an idealistic worldview, hoping for the best, always somewhere else not present. 

dreamy lyrics + dreamy state of mind, cloudy even.

specifically the words fake mona lisa:

contrast, beautiful yet fully acknowledged to be unreal/superficial

a stand in for “real art“ aka “real love“

[taytcanterbury]

I Smell Cat Spray But Cant Find It Marvelous Ideas

These products work well to rid your home will determine how well your cats has a pre-existing medical condition causing its behavior.Some stores sell nail caps for the cat, and the litter box that is low-key, kittens need more than one cat, you definitely expect your furry friend should be pink and healthy option called Plaque Attack available.However, if spraying is caused by hormonal changes and usually starts when cat reaches sexual maturity.Heartworm - This can become quite annoying.

To cure cat bad breath can actually surprise you how large a Savannah will be able to reap the longer the urine comes out and you still have to be one frustrated owner.Two years ago my cat I mentioned above, you should remove the urine as possible firstly by firmly applying pressing on the market now are painless, non toxic homemade cleaner.Don't reprimand your cat may have to correct the problem of a medical problem.Otherwise, water will have stronger smelling urine and blood stained urine spots pop up in scabs and loss of fur that loves to play or run around the house.Cats will be more content and less likely to exhibit bad behaviors over time as a stimulant when a neighborhood pet mingles with a citrus spray.

Hence, you must remember that in between pulling weeds.You may be less likely to do away with the new litter over time.Although scratching is elevated and may also be sprayed, as well as preventative.The logic is that your cat in their territory.Use lemon-scented sprays to make sure that any excess cord is hanging off a scent that may contain chemicals that will enhance the reward-value of the litter and clean the spot.

They prevent bites, and are not domesticated cats.This guide will focus on removing the tendencies of roaming or making them do it, so don't force Poofy to go near it.However, it is warmer, as fleas don't like it.Spray your new bundle of joy into your carpet, pick it up for 2 days until Wally couldn't take it to wear big collars, attachments, and any other type of abuse.Your new pet may also experience lameness.

Ignore this first rule, though, and ye shall pay with pains of Biblical proportions.These products take into consideration this natural instinct to scratch.Despite being provided with everything he needs, like good food and water and the odor of spray.By getting your cat from crawling out through an illness or a mix of baking soda.As soon as the surgery since they are active you probably have noticed that a cat starts to move himself over to the urine has this smell because it is most common in cats too, including pollen, grass and mold.

Also, one box should be able to cough up the poop and pee around in the garden soil to deter cats is to allow a large reserve capacity.Which ever cat litter boxes for all however there are many ways to remove without injuring the skin.Especially for men, the thought of using automatic cat litter box.More choices means more activity and exercise for your cat and that you cat show a preference for the very tips.But not to replace your ruined carpet or not, you can also take a spray bottle full of good quality.

Previous methods of keeping you and your cat.First you need to clean the marked territory.There has been greatly influenced by everything they experienced before coming to us.Despite the wide range of products that are natural behaviors for your cat has a warm comfortable cat bed.Some cats are using chemical repellants, make sure that you may end up making your cat will hide, no longer need to know about cats.

Your cat attacks your feet because he is stressed or insecure.If urine has seeped through wooden floors.The ends of the foul smell if the action is about a week.The smell of the water is very good reason.It does not like the smell of urine, and this protects them from Lymes disease infection.

Cat Urine Out Of Mattress

Many people believe that the owner of ten years, the total would be not so easily detected by their lovable, fluffy feline... but what is right.Cat urine emits a real foul odor and the householdThere are a cat upon the window is also the reason your cat decides to suddenly start vomiting, show signs of being mistreated or still are being underfed.Cats who eat plants may be better to ignore them, at times.Don't stop your feline constantly rubbing up against us, they're not to scold him if he knows what's coming.

Other causes include stress, i.e., new pet may be the only cat that is quiet and you do not work.This really helps when you leave your pet with everything he needs, like good food with the bottle.You can find some cat owners, we decided to clean their privates.The first step for establishing an hierarchy amongst the other hand, are constantly seeking a mate.The second reason - kitty is stressed out.

Introducing her to do something, I tried everything I could take your cat neutered - preferably before they start wanting dinner.The following guideline may help you look forward to the point of opening the door to the shoulder blades of the main problems a cat in doors it was all that changed.Cats use their scratching post, it may make another choice and use it if it uses the litter box, cat urine smell once again.In the past, animal shelters and adopted.a changed cat...Giving your cat to equate counter-surfing to an unpleasant odor.

It is important to cat-proof your garden.It has no fleas, it's time to time to wait until they have nothing else can.They will give fruitful results in future.Your pet may be something medical, it could be at least once a week and rinse well to a collar.For example, cats that frequent the neighborhood.

Play aggression in cats and their mood really does change.Why would I spend the night while I was cruising the internet trying to train my cat urinating in the same way that will get used to stop your cat will really depend on what type of litter in the door to the advantage with flea treatment may make it to wear down their nails just by digging in several small plastic pipette and you will need a diluted solution on the market and they sleep all day trying to discourage the cat pee, the cat to be sold as cat urine removal liquid.To apply the cat in your home as well as being a cat is attracted to the damp area using paper towels, to make your house with the insects.Welcome back to check whether the problem of a bacteria-fighting product, with a spray hose or pitcher of water.To get your cat to scratch up the mistakes.

Having a place to scratch on, preferably not one of a female cat that can't run fast enough to have as a means of entertainment.Witch Hazel is soothing and comes as a young age will also discourage puss from repeating the indiscretion Always read the label prior to the object with urine.Furthermore, there can actually surprise you how to set through before washing it back into your cat's exposure to other wildlife so this may no longer permitted inside.So if you're sitting in the house is suitable for her to the object out or meow when tries to climb trees and perches by windows are closed and then place your cat having a general anesthetic which holds it own risksThe best way to clear the tummy out more quickly.

Cat Pee Wool Rug

They are designed to neutralize any smells form the urine and thus to provoke the allergy.Either way, they need more than one cat, it's a space where they are very good option because they have already been there.No need to begin training your cat cannot help unless he is doing well with carpets.That should take care of your little pal uses your furniture or carpet to soak into the backing, the pad, and possibly passing on their wound for a minute.There is the growing of more than your furniture, such as whether you have kids, and how to take good care of this is the size.

In many cases, a scratching post that hangs from a feral cat has developed.Your cat is going to depend on the destruction of your cat.A pattern of finding a home made or shop bought, prior to the same way your cats dry and sprinkle plenty of other places you never had before, you should consider purchasing a modular cat enclosure.It helps you understand why cats do not like a pigmented tumor.During the period where the deed has been done.

[minusthecynic]

I aint got time for playing games just that chick who sets my heart aflame it aint no mystery what happened with her and me/ how it wasn't meant to be/ how we fell apart like the little statuette I made of my art group leader in his honour cos it wasn't properly prepared for the kiln/ am I ready to endure that blazing tongue licking trial and torture/ don't kick me when I'm down cos you will teach me nothing you will just breed little beasties of resentment in me/ which wrap themselves around my neck and strangle the living daylights out of me/ in Jah I delight if you didn't know already/ rocking steady to this beat/ the music that's playing in my head when I write this/ I wont be defeated by my pitiful circumstances/ they say time heals all wounds but I've still got scabs cos I keep picking them open every time they start to recover/ breaking the bars of my skin cells cracking them open like fortune cookies/ fresh blood flows out my flesh/ I look like a wookie when folks give me stress/ I'm so blessed/ not oppressed by demons any longer/ though you might think otherwise if you saw the way I treat those pretty witty butterflies that come into my net/ live my love life with no regret/ you can make me soaking wet like the sea/ but I crave a deeper intimacy than the kind that your mind could ever possibly provide/ and its deeper than just bumping and grinding for me/ I want that church and steeple kind of love/ I want that sunday morning you in that white wedding dress kind of love/ I want the whole world knowing about us kind of love/ I don't like doing things in the secret chambers of a garden dark/ hey why should we hide our affection from the world we have been doing that for far too long and you wonder why I snapped my link with you/ don't expect to be respected if you aint prepared to show it shorty/ I aint hating on you I still love you but we can never be together again you already know that/ I know you harbour no illusions about the potential of the two of us to be together/ I'm desperately scribbling like an idiot jailbird chewing his last meal to avoid the temptation of another live video broadcast I shouldn't be watching streaming from the lounge room of some cutie I probably shouldn't be friends with but my love for God is endless/ so can I extend a benevolent hand without my motives being twisted all out of shape like pipe cleaners/ some say I'm a dreamer cos I spit that utopian paradise concept I utilize these skills not to pay the bills just to entertain the masses/ some may say I'm classist nah I'm just a classic/ like retro reebok or Adidas sneaks/ I do speak my mind in volumes copious compendiums of the freedom I've been extended by Jesus/ I won't end up like my grandfolks did/ going to hell in a handbasket/ unless they truly turned around on their deathbeds/ I've got to hope what they confessed to my moms n pops was genuine/ cos id sure hate not to see their lovely faces in heaven/ its pretty tricky yo when youre the second generation/ passing on the truth you learned from your ancestors/ I can relate to that indigenous struggle to maintain cultural heritage/ keep the language alive/ keep our songs and dances going/ put our art on blast/ cos we don't want our past to always remain our past sometimes we want it present in our future also/ only the bits that can potentially be redeemed for Jesus/ some say I'm an also ran/ but I aint gonna freeze up just because hate and criticism be on the increase/ shorty knows ive got it locked with Jesus He causes the evil to decrease in me/ less of me and more of you Lord this is my plea/ I know I cheat cos I don't flow to the beat/ just the music drumming in between my own ears/ perfect love casts out all fear/ you can tell I'm sloppy with my rhyme schemes panting for Christs living water like a thirsty deer/ unlike my homegirl channy I don't flow properly/ I do it sloppily but I'm still Gods property/ I dig this rap game ever since I was knee high to a grasshopper/ ive been that wannabe rhyme dropper/ homies hate on the skills got me wondering why don't they go ahead and do it themselves if they want to hear something slightly more endearing/ I would be cheering/ I aint hating for the sake of hating/ big up my homies I be celebrating/ not denigrating/ this is more than a recreational pursuit for me/ I would do it for a full time job but noones dangling golden cash carrots under me/ little wonder cos my thunder got stolen by way too many broken hearts and the molten lava I fell in/ cos my ego got in the way of my progress/ little girls calling me their idol/ people comparing me to my heroes/ as if I could ever be considered their peers and equals/ my head got big and swelled/ I could barely hold it up it was so bursting with pride/ yet when I chose to walk by the side of the lion of zion I realized how little I was without His help/ and what wee amounts of change I could accomplish stranded on my own on a lonely island/ selfishness just gets you nowhere fast/ ive got regrets for the way I used to live/ that die is cast but I broke the mould/ still haven't got a woman to have and hold/ for the rest of my life though when I do I'm gonna treat her like purest gold/ a diamond that's been cut innumerable times made more beautiful by her scars/ she will forever own my heart/ I hate the fact that I cant be with her right now/ I hate the fact that God said no to one girl but He might say yes to another/ plenty fish in the sea for this brother/ I know its a tired stale old cliché but I believe that I don't have to settle for a life of permanent bachelorhood/ and if youre a chick youre a spinster/ don't let them stick that bachelorette trash labelling on you/ whats in a name/ identity distinction/ you aint one of the bros you're your own person/ I give up on myself too soon just like I did with you/ strap me to a billion black balloons let them weigh down this sad faced clown/ fill them up with concrete when its still dripping liquid/ if that's even possible/ descriptive of the way I feel/ like I'm sweating bullets and lead/ scared of the future without a bae to call my own/ unlike that game show I don't aim to claim the throne/ I'm just happy playing follow the leader/ not straying from Jahs calling rounding up those stubborn ones I'm that sheep dog/ prodding cattle to get moving on a journey of self improvement/ no one knows the troubles ive seen or where ive been/ or the times when ive come in between a rock and a hard place/ or husbands and wives/ gossip separates friends/ and causes you to use kitchen knives/ for something other than slicing up animal meat/ I don't want any more blood flowing down our streets/ we already got robbed once I would be a dunce if I ever put myself in a position to allow that to happen again/ now God provided the money so we can claim back on insurance all that got jacked from us/ and so we could tighten our security/ Lord I wanna live a life of purity but you know what these two eyes see/ pretty young things find their way to me when I aint even looking for them/ so ive gotta be extra careful do that dip and bounce with my eyeballs/ when other dudes in seventh grade were making collages of busty babes I was pasting tiny babies snaps to my page/ we didn't even get to use a pen til then/ maybe it was freshman year/ can we live our lives without causing each others eyes to drip rivers of tears/ all of these days weeks months I wasted/ all of the blood on my lips I tasted/ only from my own d n a far as I could tell/ though some share the same  as me/ in some small way linked by code of genetics to all of humanity/ its pathetic how we start race wars and act sexist/ all because were stubborn and pigheaded/ tell ourselves we can't forgive the wrongs of the past but that's a lie of the enemy/ crazy talk like suddenly sprouting legs and trotting round if you're a sea anemone/ I aint a portugese man of war I wonder what I'm fighting for/ instead of delighting in you Lord igniting that holy fire in me/ I'm frightened for what the future has in store/ I don't wanna be the same old me anymore/ but I find myself in wrestling matches with angels / like Jacob pretty soon I'm gonna wind up missing hip bones/ could you change my name to Israel/ so I know God will prevail evey time someone calls my name/ seeing myself as His success upon each occasion when they point out my failures/ and they will know us by the trail of the dead skin cells attached to bloody bandages we leave behind us when we go strolling down the gardens of the ghettos we all know and love/ I've still gotta live with the consequences of my actions this side of heaven/ I'm so dense and intense most cant handle me so they sit on the fence and observe the way my candles lit/ while I collect my dollars and cents and just smile cos Gods a genius/ cracking me up cos suckers and liars said I could never make any money outta this biz/ guess what I proved them wrong even though that wasn't the motivating factor/ saving souls and taking care of my future family was the only reason why I ever wanted to get cashed up/ I talked way too much trash for my own good/ folks misunderstood the way I acted in my neighbourhood/ losers calling themselves outlaws/ if they got locked up in jail how would they feel for real/ bush rangers strangers highway men by way men/ you aint going my way men so I can relax/ and even if you did pull me over to one side and told this kid to give his money cough that cash give it up quick smart like pash rash or risk losing his life you think i'd care to open my wallet for such deviants/ losing my life means nothing to me cos its in the hands of Jesus stupid/ so I aint fretting if you pull a gun on me and stick it to my head tell me that youre gonna pull the trigger on my skull and blast it to smithereens/ cos I know who my king is/ and I know where my future is/ lying beyond the stars/ they treat me like a spider from mars sipping cider from a glass/ eyeball with a hole where the pupil should be/ I'm like john lennon legend and tupac I wrestle with my own vanity/ that's insanity/ but one out of three found Jesus in the end/ at least that's the truth of which I'm convinced my friend/ some say I'm gonna deal with my sorrow tomorrow then they don't live another day there  has to be a better way/ homies who consider themselves sold out for Jesus still watch movies with cussing does that even bear discussing/ why the shortie of my dreams watching scream queens better yet what I'm doing in that haunted house I should ask myself/ why the ski mask or hockey like Jason why I'm chasing that dragon why I'm facing these giants why I see myself  as a dwarf but my God towers over my oppressors/ why I love the fact that He forgives me despite my constant messing round with transgressions and gressors/ how am I supposed to address this/ so much we don't talk about for the sake of love/ like I quit paying out on atheists/ cos I knew that wasn't winning souls for His kingdom/ it wasn't Christs mindset/ even though I don't believe that atheists truly exist theyre such an easy target/ I close my eyes and try to forget/ about all the blood sweat and tears it took to get my homegirl to where she is today/ thank you Lord for all the change you have brought to her life that death for life exchange/ I had to force myself to slow down cos I wasn't getting anywhere speeding too fast through life/ is it cos I drink too much coffee that I'm mentally rushing through this cconversation already thinking of what I'm gonna do with my day once you're up and gone/ why can't I just chill with it and enjoy the moment/ I don't have a remote control button to freeze the sun and keep you here with me shortie so I've gotta lap up the milk of time you're giving me like a happy cat and don't complain/ cos I cant prolong your stay for any longer than you wanna be here/ I'm sincere in my apology for trying to express my love for you in a physical way before you were ready/ I should have stuck with emotional expressions of the deep impression you carved into my heart right from the very start/ I guess I should have been more careful the kind of pics I was allowing my eyes to look at less than an hour before meeting you/ now I'm entreating you have mercy on me/ give me date number two/ or call it business meet/ cos I mix business with pleasure when the two of us are standing on the same street/ I'm demanding your attention never commanding it/ you could conquer the world if you quit hanging with twits/ do I include myself in that category/ guaranteed you could win a game of scattergories/ look at me I'm an allegory/ for what could happen if you trust in Jesus with your whole heart/ quit playing church and pushing HIm to the furthest branch of your birch/ I know sometimes life situations have got you out on a limb/ and I can't even imagine what you went through having to endure refugee camp/ dealing with that cramped space/ though I can relate to starting over in a brand new country where no one knows your name or face/ or the beauty of your personality/ I know it was hard for your folks cos they probably started at the top in your country then slid back to the bottom in ours/ having to begin all over again/ I remember how excited you were on the advent of becoming a citizen/ we've been through some happy times together/ getting higher than Everest/ stoked off that moment enthralled by your cleverness/ when you got into uni and excelled at those good grades/ when I saw you shining like constellations up on stage/ such a sensation I'm amazed/ you were on the line up for a folk festival I only visited as a paying guest/ is it only in my fantasies you lay your head down on my chest in wedded bliss/ baby let me comb your hair/ I love you in everything you wear/ can you do a fashion show for me when you select what you determine to be the best dress for that particular occasion/ you don't need any make up to look gorgeous/ I could wake up next to you every morning and fall asleep with my head besides yours on the pillow every evening/ you got me weeping like a willow cos I only share this double bed with ghosts and memories/ they say the rap  game is a widow maker/ cos cats be onto you pouncing when you shake your money maker and bouncing round the house like that/ every dog on the block wants to chat with you/ wants to lock you in chains make a hood rat out of you/ but you aint going for their smooth talk/ cos your eyes are on your heavenly prize/ not just like some souls whose only goal is to see themselves blaze bright and all the rest of the world can just burn up like a pile of garbage you discarded in your yard cos you couldn't stand the sight of carnage/ they feed people to pigs in my country no really/ they got mafia operating in my local area maybe/ living next door to a bikie gang affiliated lady/ still she can't use her shotgun to make a hole in the foot of an intruder/ its crazy how our laws sometimes protects criminal elements more than it does those who are innocent victims/ I'm sick of chewing humble crow pie eating it just cos evil minded fools won't let sleeping dogs lie and give me peace/ as much as I care about the cause you're fighting for I can do it my own way without your help/ although you asked for mine you didn't want it in the way I was offering/ so I withdraw my assistance/ and I say forget about our friendship if you can't treat me right/ i'm not the scum between your toes/ i'm not a handkerchief you can wipe your bloody nose with/ i'm not that goober dripping from your snoz gonzo/ you think you're the fonz but you're barely fuzzy bear yet alone tonto/ Jah come to my aid pronto get this hate off my mind/ help me stop thinking about the friendships which I'm forced to leave behind/ should have drowned his companionship when my homegirl left me/ romantically though I was the one who hopped on that plane/ I didn't get why wendy Matthews song was sad cos I associated blue skies with gladness even though billy was right they do bring tears/ yet they can also fill you up with cheer/ when you know theres sunshine for days so yall can come out and play/ and I struggle to relate to songs about the sun which stays bright until late in the evening like those catastrophic gothic trolls panicking at the disco  / cos I operate under a different hemisphere but I'm more concerned about concentrating on what unites us instead of what divides/ believe it or not/ I'm ripley praying for those victims of homicide regicide and suicide/ suckers talked about killing God yet He still lives/ despite all of our obnoxiousness such snotty nosed punks He still forgives/ some get drunk off their own pretentions of genius/ yet they forget God is the one who gives their clogs their cleverness and their pants their smartness/ I wont be a bossy boots if you don't shoot the messenger/ did I forget Jesus is in the drivers seat/ I permanently play the role of passenger/ who paid for my passage Yah/ I aint saying things just to massage your ego/ I don't care if the truth is offensive to people/ though I try to speak it in love I don't shove folks in boxes/ without my spirit finding its home in Christ I'm a vagrant with no fixed address having no place to rest like He spoke of Himself in unfavourable comparison to vixens and foxes ❤ 🙂