#a Date is an event to me. its an Occassion

[divergent-one-1984]

WORKPLACE MOBBING CONTINUES AT MY CURRENT WORKPLACE. IT NEVER STOPPED ACTUALLY SINCE IT BEGAN in 2015 at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION

Every workplace I have been in since NYC Department of Education has engaged in Workplace Mobbing.

I just stopped talking about it as much once I exited the workforce in April 2021. I unfortunately re-ntered the workforce in October 2023 and I was mobbed there as well.

I am about to exit the workforce again, however they will either fire (this seems more likely based on an email I received today) or lay me off because I am not leaving this time, these despicable low lives will give me my unemployment insurance.

TODAY, APRIL 7, 2025 I RECEIVED A MEETING INVITE FROM HR AT MY CURRENT JOB re MY DISRESPECT, which is hilarious considering the disrepect that has been going on in this firm since I started in September 2024. And ironic / intentional I am sure April 7th is the same date in 2016 I quit NYC Department of Education where the Workplace Mobbing began in 2015, instigated by Natasha Liggins-Modelo (the ring leader) , Tolani Adeboye, and Khadisha Davis, 3 nasty black women who decided to mob me out of the workplace for no reason, just some catty black crabs in a barrel mentality because I did not do anything to those women.

Meeting invite from HR received today 4/7/2025

The exact language of the subject of the meeting invite: "Meeting re HR Issue with _me, __HR person #1_ and HR person #2"

The exact language in the body of the calendar invite was Hi,__me__,

"We have received reports of disrespectful comments which are being attributed to you. We want to discuss this with you and give you the opportunity to share your version of the events. HR person # 1, HR Generalist, will also join us."

I don't have shit to say at this meeting. I am just there to listen so may be my last day tomorrow. I am not going to waste time talking about bullshit that you and me know have nothing to do with me. I worked here long enough to get unemployment insurance so idgaf. I am happy to cut ties with this place because no workplace will work., they are one in a line of workplaces that are ok with Workplace Mobbing, I cannot and do not want to compete with that, its pure evil, I am not an evil person and I don"t believe in intentionally stalking and harassing people for any reason. If you feel you have been wronged by someone there is a thing called due process in this country, file a civil suit or bring criminal charges, when you clearly have no legitimate reason to do that I suppose some people resort to vigilanteism.

So had my meeting with HR, the man who filed it is a staff member I have never had a personal conversation with and who I have barely spoken to for work purposes because him, along with others in this workplace have been harassing me since I walked through the door. The most I have ever said to the complainant is thank you for picking up something from me to deliver via outgoing mail or something like this on probably less than 5 occassions and I am being generous (he works in the mail room basically, a department that provides various services to the office like printing, mailing, office moves, etc)

So how can someone be saying something to you that you think is directed to you when the 2 of you have never had a single conversation even in regards to work, I have never had a conversation with this man, just thank you for picking up a box for an esq that needed to be mailed.

The exact statements expressed in this email where the following:

"I feel f**n sick all of a sudden"

"I think I want to f**n throw up on you"

I have barely spoken to this man because he has been harassing me pretty much since I walked through the door and I don't really have to talk to him so I don't go out of my way to talk to people who are harassing me.

I have to be fake dealing with many people in the office due to the fuckery because I have to work with certain people, so not talking to them is unfortunately not an option. Even those people that I have to talk to I dont reallt go out of my way to talk to them outside of work purposes, I don't suffer from Stockholm syndrome, I don't sympathize with my abusers. I am paid to do a job and thats what I am going to do, anything outside of that not really going to happen, especially after this bullshit.

This workplace, most of the staff has been engaging in some level of Workplace Mobbing against me since I started. Different people have their specific roles / levels of abuse they participate in.

I gave it about 6 months of not documenting it to see if they may actually stop realized it wouldn't so I started shortly before this complaint was filed documenting the harassment and I will continue to until I am no longer employed there. I believe the reason he filed this besides someone obviously putting a battery in his back, because he looks dumb based on the statements that I allegedly made when I have actually never had a conversation with him.

They are this exactly:

" "

" "

These are exact statements from an email that was sent to me after the follow up meeting.

Basically, I was sent an email summarizing this farce and sent some f$#%% anti harassment policy documents lol, which is f%$# hilarious. I printed the email itself for my records anf not the policy sh$% cause I ain't harassing nobody in that motha$$$ and I know how to conduct myself professionally.

So I suppose this is a "warning" that will be placed in my HR file, which again idgaf about because they will fire me this time, they been trying to for 10 years l won't be leaving this job unless I have another job / source of income, so they will most certainly have to fire me because idgaf about any of this stuff anymore, the sick matrix / machine we live in is no longer appealing since I have been unfortunately been privy to what is behind the veil. If I have to go on OFs idc, I don't judge and I would not give a d about hat anyone thought about it. I have been being judged for the last 10 years because someone told lies about me and leaked personal information (includind medical) anything that will remove me from corporate machine and "normal" society in general that I can earn money because these so called "normal" people in society are actually F$## crazy as hell. They present normally in society but psychologically torture and harass human beings in their spare time. And they work hard to keep it a secret as they have been supressing me so you know what you are doing is wrong because you would not want other people who don't engage in this behavior to know what you are doing.

The firm / HR wanted to get me on record stating I had no problems in the office because they made a point of asking me this on multiple occassions because they know I started documenting the Workplace Mobbing. But idgaf that shit aint gonna mean nothing if an actual litigation were to occur.

In Organized Group Stalking and Psychological Harassment / Torture multiple psy op tactics (think MK Ultra and Cointelpro) are employed to psychologically fuck with the target of the group harassment, one of those tactics is presenting people / (inserting people into the life of the target) who look like people from the target's past (the persons can be living or dead).

This man who I have never had a conversation with who filed the complaint has been presented as a doppelganger for my deceased father, he is just a tall not even light skin, more brown skin man with glasses who pales in comparison to my father physical appearance wise (this man is all around awkward looking) and most likely pales in comparison to my father in intelligence as well, as everything else I am sure.

This awkward looking man has been in this doppelganger role since I started which is why I don't talk to him, and I don't have to all that much because of the nature of our positions.

I had to quit 3 jobs because of the Workplace Mobbing that started at NYC Department of Education in 2015

QUIT 3 JOBS DUE TO WORKPLACE MOBBING WITHOUT ANOTHER JOB LINED UP

NYC Department of Education - April 7, 2016

The Container Store - October 2016

NYC Department of Consumer Affairs - April 30, 2021

QUIT JOB DUE TO WORKPLACE MOBBING AND LACK OF PROFESSIONAL INTEREST FOR ANOTHER JOB

Williams Lea / Goldman Sachs - September 2024

POTENTIAL FIRING FROM CURRENT JOB DUE TO "TRUMPED" UP COMPLAINT(S) BECAUSE OF WORKPLACE MOBBING THAT I HAVE BEEN THE TARGET OF SINCE I STARTED IN SEPTEMBER 2024. THIS WAS A SETUP FROM THE BEGINNING. I WAS STUPID TO PURSUE A JOB IN THE LEGAL PROFESSION, ESPECIALLY IN NYC, BECAUSE THIS WHOLE THING THAT HAS BEEN DONE TO ME WAS DONE BY THE NYC AND NYS CIVIL SERVICE SYSTEM / LAW ENFORCEMENT.

"NP" TBD whenever they decide because I will be getting my unemployment this time, I aint leaving this bitch. These sick people messing with my livelihood to cover up their crimes is nasty work. I no longer care and I can't control what other people insist on doing for nearly a decade now because its obvious this Workplace Mobbing and Stalking / Psychological Abuse / Torture won't stop. These people are mentally sick and are going to do whatever they need to do to cover up their criminal activity, which plainly is hacking and leaking my personal information (including medical information) from my person cell phone, internet history, email history, they had no legal reason to be on my personal cell phone, etc, gaining historical and current realtime data to use it to get multiple people to Stalk, Harass and Psychologically torture me over years with my illegally obtained personal data because of mentally ill person(s) I came across in my life

And these people accessed my mothers landline phone and internet history as well, which if they are not supposed to be on my phone for any legal reason, they damn sure had no business being on my mother's phone because that was her apartment, I was not on the lease and I was not on any of her bills in the apartment so how they managed that just because I lived there is a whole other illegal mess. It could be justified persay because it was my address but you know what I am saying, they had no business being on me for any legitimate / legal reason

They invaded her privacy in her residence and was on her phoneline, etc. and implementing surveillance on her residence in order to harass me, which again, these animals had no reason legally to be on any of mine or my mother's devices, internet, landline, etc.

As well as implementing surveillance equipment in my private residences and using surveillance in the workplace to stalk, follow, and harass me in the office and instigate / fabricate interactions and / or conflicts.

I have been looking for a job for at least the last month or so anyway, I realized a while ago that coming to this law firm was a mistake. Working in the law profession especially in NYC, when the NYPD and the NYC and NYS civil service system is responsible for this being done to me at the insistence of some crazy ass people I came across in my life.

The only job I can work is one that is 100% remote because of the perpetual Workplace Mobbing that goes on in every workplace I go to. No Hybrid, and definitely not in office. I have to be able to make money working from a residence. Office work is no longer something that is available to me because of what the NYPD and NYC Department of Education did to me in 2015.

[majimemegoro]

added some commentary in italics. also added the colors bc i cant hold anything in my head. and i cant switch between tabs.

2024 - Peach Fuzz

I think it's close enough to a neutral tan-ish color he might wear it, but colorful enough that it would only under certain circumstances. Spring garden party? Yeah okay if she bats her eyes at him enough. Especially if she lets him break it up. Peach Fuzz jacket over soft grey slacks? Doable.

yes sure—depends on the context. He wouldn't mind to wear a shirt, tie, etc. with this color at all.

2023 - Viva Magenta

Suit? No. Tie or pocket square, maybe. Maybe. If the suit is in tones that can make it less striking.

Suit no. shirt yes, as long as its not for a regular work day. He doesn't mind bright colors, just ostentation.

2022 - Very Peri

Probably not. Same deal as Viva Magenta. She miiiight be able to talk him into it if she can neutralize or enough but chances are slim.

no lol. but fine as an accent

2021 - Illuminating and Ultimate Grey

Ultimate Grey is an easy yes. That one probably ends up in his normal lights rotation. Illuminating, not likely. Maybe a shirt in the color with a neutral suit though. Or accents. He lets her get him in a fit that has both once, because she kept Ultimate Grey the dominant color and Illuminating as the accent.

grey sure, though i dont think hes much of a light colored suits guy? illuminating no. not unless Kimi specifically wants him in it, in which case he could roll his eyes and use it for shirt or accent.

2020 - Classic Blue

I think this is a more vibrant blue than he usually goes for, but I don't think it's an outright no, especially again if it's broken up a bit. He probably has a few casual pieces in this color though.

in and of itself its fine but i feel like a suit in that specific color seems dated. maybe just because it reminds me of peter parker's suits lol. idk what to you

2019 - Living Coral

Not likely. Like, a half step from complete no. Coral isn't as bad as Magenta but the most she's likely to get him to concede to is if it's a situationally appropriate event (garden parties are good for these colors) and it's presence is minimal. One shade used in a paisley pattern shirt for instance, is potentially doable. With bribes.

yeah it can be present as long as its not a lot. its not a color hed choose on his own.

2018 - Ultra Violet

In general purples are less bothersome to him than pinks but this is a bit much. He might do a tie if it matches what Kimi is wearing but not a suit or even a shirt.

I don't think hed mind doing a shirt if she pushed or had a good reason, but yeah hed likely not choose it for himself. never a suit.

2017 - Greenery

Way too vibrant for him to do a suit. Probably wouldn't even split it up with neutral because of how bright it is. Might tolerate it in a pattern if the impact is subdued. Accessories are probably out as they'd pop more than he likes.

i think he could totally do an accessory tbh, he likes bues and greens—but again probbly not on a regular work day, just a fancier occassion.

2016 - Serenity and Rose Quartz

At a glance they look like nos. And as suits, they probably are. Although he could maybe do a jacket in Serenity with tan or cream slacks. I could see him wearing it for something like a Summer boardwalk event. Beachy but not beachwear. Rose Quartz is pale enough to maybe be allowed as a shirt or accessories. On its own or if the pink notes are too strong, no.

ye

2015 - Marsala

Another no as a suit but maybe as shirt/accessories. He prefers cool tones but warms aren't a flat universal no. This is a good fall accent color.

indeed!

2014 - Radiant Orchid

Again, no. Too bright even for accents.

i feel like this color would make him gag lol

2013 - Emerald

A touch brighter than he likes but potentially doable if it's toned down. On its own or predominantly, however, no.

nah, hed definitely wear a suit—just kidding

2012 - Tangerine Tango

Too bright, pass!

hes probably like "why does this color even exist"

2011 - Honeysuckle

Too bright and too pink. No.

yeah, no.

2010 - Turquoise

Unlikely but another that could be a maybe as accents.

yes a tie or pattern on a shirt or tie is fair game. or pocket square or whatever rich people have. for some reason im pictureing this as the pinstripes on a shirt. the alternating white helps it look less vibrant from a distance.

2009 - Mimosa

Highly unlikely, although a potential maybe for an outdoor daytime Summer event. Not as a full suit, but just the jacket or as a shirt. While bright it does seem like it would be fairly easy to tone down with care so she could maybe bring him around on it.

he is not a yellow guy. she'd have to bribe and wheedle but it could be done.

2008 - Blue Iris

Another no as a suit. But very possible as shirt or accessories. It would both pop and be grounded with a navy or a deep brown. Especially if it matches what Kimi is wearing.

yeah he might not choose it on his own but if she wants it hes game.

2007 - Chili Pepper

Another no for the suit but potentially in smaller doses. Not as likely as Marsala as it is a bit brighter. But it's not so bright it's impossible.

ye. plausible enough as a shirt or especially a turtleneck. i feel like hes more adventurous with bold colors if its not a dress shirt. we haven't really mentioned sweaters and stuff but i feel like he doesnt at all mind bold reds in a turtleneck or a thick cableknit sweater or something. once in awhile. idk.

2006 - Sand Dollar

Actually very possible. Lighter than he usually goes for but for daytime warn season stuff, I could see this one actually being in the rotation.

summery rich people activities color...... i feel like i can see him sipping a cocktail in a fancy garden and talking about horse racing.. maybe even golf... ugh...

2005 - Blue Turqoise

Suit is a hard no. Accents are a maybe if it's situationally appropriate.

suit is a hard Never. accents are a yes as long as the rest of the outfit is boring (dark blue suit and white shirt and this as a tie? sure). anything more fashion forward hed have to think about it.

2004 - Tigerlily

Too bright. Pass.

hard pass.

2003 - Aqua Sky

Another for no as a suit, maybe as accents pile.

same as blue turquoise— fine as accents as long as the rest isnt too adventuresome.

2002 - True Red

Another no. (Barring one very singular time when they were in the states and he decided to be totally cheesey and take her on a Valentine's date wearing a shirt this color. The whole day was mostly a joke as neither especially loves the holiday but they had a lot of fun)

yes he could rarely wear it as a shirt! a good red isntto be underestimated! but tie etc. is big no andd suit is definitely a no.

2001 - Fuschia Rose

Solid no all around.

bad

2000 - Cerulean

Another maybe as accents and potentially the jacket with a neutral pant.

yes. as long as the rest is boring enough lol.

Random KimiKura fact :

She has bought him a suit in every Pantone Color Of The Year color. All of them. He's worn maybe a third. But he has them.

[sundropdaevon]

IM CHANGKYUN - CONFESSION

he's just chill

was probably enjoying being single until he got a glance at you in a hotel he was staying at for vacation

boi was hooked

he tried to follow you in the midst of the hotel bar's crowd

then, he caught up to you

grabbing your wrist and twirling you around as the music was matching the atmosphere between you two

that's when he truly fell for you

yeah, cliche but its the romantic side of kyunnie, c'mon!

so from there, he tried to ask you out

you didn't have anything tying you down to say no to him, so you said yes (i swear if you'd say no to him grrr)

starting from that night, you two always went out on dates

he was trying to get to know you and you the same

and everytime, he falls for you even harder

he'd become clingy and would start to joke and tease you

you could say that from all those dates you had with him, he had built up his confidence to really ask you out to court you until you agree to become his

hed probably realize that when he's on a date with you tho

then hed suddenly say, "oh y/n, i have somewhere else i need to be"

you'd be shocked because of the speed when he ran out the doors

youd be there dumbfounded and just paid for the bill and went home

After a few weeks, hed be out of reach most of the time

Yeah, another cliche romantic stupidity, but how else can Changkyun prepare if you're going to keep buzzing his phone

So, he has no choice but to turn it off frequently within the whole week

Also, for sure he's going to choose to talk to you rather than achieving his main goal to surprise you

And then, he called

You were surprised to see his name with the ringing on your phone

You answered it and he told you to come to the hotel where you first met, but this time, the event hall

You knew it was an event, so you went there all dressed up, right for the occassion that awaited you

When you got to the doors of the event hall, you looked around the room

Flowers were scattered, lights were dimmed, only the fairy lights remained on

And in front of you was a carpet leading to the man behind all this

IM CHANGKYUN

you started walking towards him and he did too

You both met in the middle of the isle-like way, now staring intensely at each others eyes

You could feel the love that Kyunnie has for you, that luring stare, the agaped lips, and his whole outfit just matching everything

As you observed him, breaking the staring contest you two had, eyes wandering to his hands

From observation, you could tell that he's nervous

You took his hands out of initiative and carressed them

He couldn't talk, so you tried to guide him

"So, what were you going to say to me?"

"Uhm, uhhh...i- i"

"You?...what?"

"Damn it! I like you y/n!"

"Yeah, seems like it"

"Do you not like me too?" Boi would start to have tears in his eyes, so far from the character that he wants to embed in your mind

"Is this why you were not answering my calls and messages?" You tried to avoid the question, somehow teasing IM because you were seizing the moment on him

"You're avoiding the question, you must not like me back...that's okay I can just pack up and you can bring home the food i prepared and maybe can we just go back to being fri-"

You cut him off, making his eyes widen and body frozen

"Screw it, stop talking! I like you too!" You shouted and kissed him intensely like you were so pissed from his babbling

Within the kiss, you could feel his hands go through your hair then on your neck and another to your waist, pulling you closer

You both then broke off with the kiss and gave each other reassuring smiles that this wasn't a dream, this was real

[yurissweettooth]

Click for full res!🌙🐰

Little post-S2 AU that lives in my head where Barnaby and Yuri become buddy heroes after Kotetsu retires. 😊

Yuri wears a modified version of Tiger's mask and Barnaby wears a modified version of his suit. They owe so much of their healing, hope, and change in mindsets to him and want to pay tribute in that way. Kotetsu’s definitely at home cheering them on, perhaps even with his whole family 😊

More info and general trivia about this AU under the cut:

If you're wondering, Yuri's new hero name is Blue Moon. He chose this to move away from his old persona and its poor (and also self-degradating) reputation, to commemorate the rare event of his healing he never thought possible, aaaaand because I thought it would be funny if he had some superficial contention with Karina over having "Blue" in his name too lol

Barnaby's is Wild Bunny because, at last, he's usimg Kotetsu's suit and has finally accepted that nickname. Also, I just like the idea of Kotetsu getting jealous that everyone is calling him Bunny now leading Barnaby to eventually change it something else (will come up with that name eventually)😆

Barnaby has become quite skilled with the wire and has been training with Kotetsu to work on upper body combat (punches, grabs, etc.) so that he can take some of the strain off of his leg. The suit also helps, more specialized for punches than his old one.

Yuri uses his fire to warp, fly, and phase through walls to ambush criminals as well using it to create barricades to aid in capture. He has good control over his fire and no longer aims to kill or gravely injur. He also puts those canonical first and skills to use when necessary.

Unsurprisingly, the two get along quite well due to their shared interests and deep understanding created by a bad past. They've become good friends and, though at times he feels undeserving, Yuri gets on well with the other heroes too.

Agnes has taken on Yuri's former role (which he can no longer hold due to conflict of interest) and one of her crew members has stepped up into his place. Yuri chose her as his successor himself because, having worked with her (they we buddies to me even if this season didn't show that) and knew her love for HeroTV and dedication to the heroes and was quite impressed by her plan to debut them as vigilantes.

Kotetsu, Barnaby, and Yuri all work with her to attempt to reform the hero system and make it more ethical and sustainable.

Public opinions are very mixed on Blue Moon, especially after bring connected to his civillian persona, but neither Yuri nor Barnaby care about their reputation at this point (both had already seen the lowest of the low reputation wise before they teamed up anyway), they are both devoted to helping others at any costs.

Yuri will not allow himself to become a walking billboard, but he had accepted a few brand deals and sponsorships, giving most of the money to the worthy causes such as the orphanage Barnaby volunteers at or support groups for those who lives have been affected by the murder of a loved one. Yuri himself also attends one of these support groups (Barnaby joining meetups on occassion as well) alongside weekly therapy.

Yuri does not enjoy riding on the double chaser though, to Barnaby's relief, it means he never asks to drive. When a chase ensues, Yuri prefer to leave the chaser to fly as opposed to separating and driving on his own.

Barnaby and Kotetsu still hang out regularly and finally had their dinner date (and several more followed)

Kotetsu has found other ways to be a hero such as helping the community through volunteering and campaigning against discrimination. He has thrown around ideas of becoming an EMT or volunteer firefighter but he is giving it more thought before making hasty decisions and allowing himself down time with his family.

Bunny and Moon usually place somewhere around the middle of the rankings but they keep working harder to improve ever day and help as many people as possible.

And lastly, Yuri's signature catchphrase was rejected so he has been working on a new one... to no success, theyre all terrible and make the other heroes groan. He'll keep working on it though!

[jadegreenimmortality]

200 followers mini event: First Touches with Osamu Dazai (#1)

Requested by @trashykawahq

My clumsy-on-occassion-self managed to post this prematurely, but at least I was intelligent enough to make a screenshot of the actual request before deleting the post 💀😂.

Well, anyways - Hii Ray!!!! Thank you again for the congratulations and also for requesting, I'm happy you apparently liked my even idea 🥰. One Dazai coming right up!!! I hope this is to your liking <3. I love your nightly date idea btw. 🤭

Pairings: Osamu Dazai x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff, slight angst

Warnings: shot wound

200 follower mini event

Let's say you are a member of the Armed Detective Agency...

In general, I would say you and Dazai have quite the interesting dynamic right from the moment you join the agency. While your tendency to be short-tempered reminds him of Chuuya, your ambition is reminiscent of Kunikida - in short, lots of opportunities for Dazai to tease you in every imaginable way. Be ready to constantly lose your mind over his shenanigans which may or may not be personally directed at you. You do have one crucial advantage over those two though: You are female presenting. Hence, the overall tone of his teasing gets mixed up with his general flirty attitude towards any female crossing his path and your love story begins...

The first time you touched hands was only a few days after you join the Agency. You were just starting to accommodate to everyday life with all its eccentric members, though there was still one sticking out for you: Osamu Dazai, the incredibly good looking young man with an irritating tendency to talk about suicide like other's talk about their hobby - and also the annoying ability to go just for the things that will irk you. Never enough to get you actually mad, but enough to grit your teeth and give him caustic replies, which he even seemed to enjoy. It was ´his charm though that kept you from snapping: He would always embed his teasing in smooth compliments, calling you "belladonna" and "pretty like the first flower that blooms in the morning sunlight", leaving you dumbfounded for a second and smiling at you sweetly - with a smug note.

Right now, you weren't in the mood though. All of your energy was focused on your current task, which you were decided to complete as soon as possible - hence you staring at the notes you had taken instead of the floor and not seeing the cable stretching over the ground before you.

A short scream escaped your lips as you tripped, losing your notes in the process. But instead of making contact with the hard underground, you felt a slim arm sling around your waist and a hand grab yours, which you had stretched out automatically to grab on to anything. As you looked up, you saw a twinkle of amusement in Dazai's dark eyes at he lifted you up on your own two feet again, softly caressing the palm of your hand while he said: "Watch your step Belladonna, or did you want me to catch you? Is this was you were wishing for all along, laying in my arms?"

It was the first time you felt his words sparked something more in your chest than pure amusement or anger.

The first time you held hands was on your first date. Of course, it wasn't a real date. Not officially at least. You had seen Dazai invite women on dates in your early days at the agency - how long had it been since then, a year? Anyways, you had seen how Dazai asked women out - pompous compliments and charming gestures, wrapping them around his little finger. But when he asked you if you felt like meeting up and going to the aquarium on your free day, it was a simple question. It even seemed to be born out of boredom, as he had had his head currently resting on his paper-filled desk, pouting at the sight of impending work. He laughed as you raised an eyebrow and questioned whether someone had cancelled a date and assured you that wasn't the case, he just though it would be fun.

The first time you touched his cheek, a few months had already passed. You were a part of the agency now, life without them seemed unthinkable to you; especially without a certain brunet which, as you noted with growing concern, had a tendency to put his life on the line on missions way too often. You had seen his genius at work and knew that he calculated each step to be taken with the utmost care, contemplating every possible risk. You knew that he knew what he was doing - but you saw the way his eyes gleamed when someone threatened him, filled with cynicism and a hint of pain and you feared one day, he'd take the calculated risk of dying one step too far. Like today. A furious scream left your lips as you pushed him aside, a bullet gracing your shoulder and throwing you to the ground with violent impact that was originally meant for him. While the others took care of the opponent, Dazai was quick to get up on his feet again and rush over to you, carefully slipping a hand under your back to lift your upper body from the ground, resting your head on his shoulder. Your vision was blurry, everything in you focusing on the pain that was radiating from your shoulder. But as you looked in his face, it managed to take your mind momentarily off the pain: Dazai looked like a different person. His face was swamped by emotions you had never truly seen there before. Shock had left him pale and fear was creeping in his eyes like clouds darkening a sunny autumn sky. You chuckled weakly at the sight, glad to have gotten through to him it what seemed to be the first time.

His expression froze when you rose your hand to lightly cup his cheek It felt soft to your touch and warm; comforting and grounding you from the pain.

"Does being on the side that saves people really have to mean you put your own life constantly on the line? Why not put mine, huh?"

You managed to give him a weak, ironic smile before you lost conscience.

And it was fun indeed. After a day spend together looking at exotic fish and arguing over whether a shark in an aquarium tank had a better life than the average, working class Japanese, you wandered the streets of Yokohama until the late hours. Shortly before midnight, you settled down on an empty playing ground, sitting down at the swings side by side, talking about everything and nothing. It had become easy to let your mind wander and discuss just any topic with the once so distant man. It was in the silence and safety of that moment - alone on a set of old, rusty swings, only a flickering street light illuminating your surroundings - that you felt his hand envelop yours. You had reached down to tie your shoelace and not quite put your hand back on the swing again when he grabbed it mid-air. He didn't look at you, but smiled silently at the ground, giving you time to reject his gesture. You didn't. And he didn't let go until he left you at your doorstep in the early hours of the next day.

The first time you kissed was a few weeks later. Even though you were around each other a lot of your time by now, you still felt he had firm walls up in certain parts of his life. And he still managed to surprise you again and again when you run face forward into them. At first, the day seemed to be one of those, starting with Dazai's absence at the agency. You wondered if that meant that date night at yours was cancelled, as he had that bad habit of disappearing a day or two without saying a word. But when the doorbell rang in the evening, he was there. His voice was softer than normal, quieter, his eyes holding a desolation you couldn't quite place. He muttered something about an anniversary when he entered your apartment, but you he didn't seem to wish to talk about it further, and you didn't pressure him.

He had been quiet throughout the whole night, silently snuggling up to you on the sofa. In your need to soothe whatever was troubling him, you had started to pet his hair, which granted you a surprised look and then a soft smile, before he buried his face on your shoulder. When the movie was over, you could feel sleep creeping up on you, so you slightly shook said shoulder to make him get up so you could go to bed - but when his gaze hit yours, you could feel something was different. Somehow that wall you had felt kept you distant from him the whole evening was suddenly...gone.

You only closed your eyes when you could feel the tip of his nose hitting yours, as you were too caught in the raw emotion his eyes displayed, vulnerability shining like a polished pearl. His lips felt soft and warm and intoxicating against yours, even though the kiss was gentle, almost chaste. It was only when you leaned into it that he lifted his hand to bury it in your hair, pulling your form closer to his - and suddenly you had a feeling you wouldn't be leaving that couch tonight.

[tettatonin]

ㅤㅤ︻┻┳═一ㅤMR. & MRS. KISAKIㅤﾟ+..｡*ﾟ+

ㅤㅤㅤㅤ❝ IF I HAD IT IN MY POWER, I'D ARRANGE FOR ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤEVERY GIRL TO HAVE YOUR CHARM. ❞

THE COUPLE : TETTA and HAN

THE SOUNDTRACK : FEVER by ENHYPEN ; EVERYBODY LOVES SOMEBODY by DEAN MARTIN ; LOVER by TAYLOR SWIFT

THE DYNAMIC : RIVALS TO LOVERS — ❝ listen, i didn't even try like you that way, it just happened. ❞ ; ❝ oh, now that's rich. ❞

𝐊𝐄𝐄𝐏𝐒𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐒 ㅤㅤ↪ black coffee. chanel n°5 and polo green. red bottoms. dark chocolate. white button ups with lipstick stains. silver wedding bands. a small collection of vinyl records that softly plays throughout the living room on rainy days. bourbon and red wine. a lighter that's always there to light my cigarettes. a matching necklace and watch with our initials and anniversary date engraved onto the back. a bookshelf filled with our favorite novels and volumes we've kept from our high school days.

𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀 ㅤㅤ↪ a husband that everyone's scared of and a wife that just fans the flames a little too much. catching up on game of thrones. dissing people on 90 day fiancé. talking about my day and watching him cook dinner, taste testing whatever it is as he goes along. he mixes chocolate into my morning coffee after he makes me mad. being literal partners in crime. sleeping in for too long on days off. slow dancing on rainy days. tying and retying his tie if it looks askew. him keeping his hand on my waist or lower back so i can match his walking pace if we're in a hurry. people around us never being able to tell the difference between petty and real arguments. he makes me feel like i'm better than everyone and because of that, we talk shit a lot.

𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐒 ㅤㅤ↪ ENCOUNTERS [ how we met ] — met through work and at the time, it'd be the only time we'd see each other and it wasn't often either. simple, passive aggressive exchanges of 'good work' and light banter during meetings would slowly evolve into full on arguing if we ever had a disagreement but in the rare times we found common ground, we brought out the best in each other. i thought he was impractical while he thought i was incompetent. from then on, it was a slow, five year long slope into getting used to each other's company since both our positions in tenjiku had us working together most of the time. ㅤㅤ↪ CONFESSIONS [ when he told me ] — kisaki's not a fan of things just spilling out. he's calm, calculated, and was so sure that his secret would die with him if hanma hadn't haphazardly poured him that final glass of bourbon that pushed his sobriety out of the way. i almost didn't believe him at first but even as he was drunk out of his mind, he still had his charm. it was funny to see him act so loose, wanting to see more of it was what made me say yes that night (and the morning after when he remembered everything and properly asked me out). ㅤㅤ↪ OCCASSIONS [ a day in our lives ] — work days start off with him leaving the penthouse first with a little kiss goodbye for me while i'm having breakfast before leaving and meeting somewhere in the middle of the day to brief each other on current events. tetta works the early mornings while i work the late nights. but when we have days off, they're genuinely are his favorites. its quiet, no one from work will call him, and he gets to sleep in before spending the day doing whatever he wants at his own pace, all while being with me. he's a sucker for domesticity, so things like movie nights and home dinner dates with food he cooks himself while we act like a normal suburban husband and wife relaxes him more than it should.

[rinharu-purple]

NEXT STOP: SUNNY

This event...this brilliant, incredible, amazing, showstopping and spectacular event has just swept me away with its Mediterranean flair, honeymoon vibes and too many little surprises is just like an experience out of the Cosmopolitan recommendations article. 

In this analysis, I will try to pinpoint all the places our lovebirds visit and also point out some of the highlights that warmed up my heart and cleansed my soul. Honestly, this event was something else.

As a rare ocassion, MC and Gavin finally have some vacation time saved, so they decide to go somewhere, where they haven’t visited yet and they decide on it by throwing a dart on the world map, as the spontaneous, devil-may-care couple they are. And their destination is determined to be the land of renaissance, breathtaking landscapes, finest wine and the delicious pizza-pasta and co...Italy

It's quite the route and from what we find out, they travel at times by car, times by train, but they also fly from A to B at some occassions.

Gavin and MC route looks probably like this: Loveland City -> Rome-> Alberobello -> Bari -> Orvieto -> Bologna -> Capri -> Rome -> Loveland City

The following episode is the first thing they do upon arriving in Rome. As it seems, after a long trip, first they chill out for a while in their meticulously chosen with a *bathtub* ;) room.

The following day was pretty foggy in Rome, and as the two brain cells they are, Gavin and MC start the day with a stroll in the City.

The day after they move to Bari over Alberobello and visited the Trulli houses. In this conversation you can clearly see that they are talking about unique white houses, that are lined next to each other... also how lovey-dovey and domestic they are♱♡‿♡♰

As I read the moments "Castle", "Old City" and "Well" I thought they all took place in Bari and that the castle they've visited was Castel de Monte, which is located very close to Bari and is in the top of a hill, so on a particularly foggy day one might get the impression that they were on top if the clouds.

From Bari they move on to Orvieto, where I believe they climb down to St. Patrick's Well which is roughly over 50 meters deep.

I believe the hazelnut ice cream shop they discover is also here, because one of the most famous cities in Italy for their hazelnut production Viterno is just a hop away from Orvieto.

Afterwards they decide to move further to the north to Bologna and spend a couple of days there. I believe this is also the point in their vacation when MC is mildly challenged by the heat, luckily Gavin is there to lower her temperature wherever the wind blows 😉. Unfortunately I cannot add any more pictures to this wonderful city...

From Bologna they take the train to discover some other places in the area and afterwards the fly to Capri, where I believe the real date takes place.

The reason for that is because they buy Limoncello (lemon wine-super delicious liquor btw. ) and Italy's best lemon trees grow in Sorrentino, which is actually located in the mainland of Naples across Capri, but because they mention of being on an island, I assume that they are on Capri as the exciting car chase takes place. Thinking back its really ironic, that MC thinks how pleasantly laid-back and carefree their days are. Those can't ever catch a break huh?

Later, they return to Rome and from there take their flight home and so the most beautiful vacation MC and Gavin ever had comes to an end.

This event was so carefully prepared with much attention to detail, that I enjoyed every bit of it to the fullest. Maybe because I am a great fan of Italy or maybe because I got proposed a couple of years ago during a romantic getaway there, this whole event gained a special place on my " Favorite mementos in MLQC" list.

Aside various memories and episodes, there were also some postcards, which were sent by Gavin and MC to their future selves as a token of this unforgettable trip.

My favorite was this postcatd sent by Gavin to MC, which in my opinion sums everything up very nicely :

O- oh, before I forget, the yellow dress that MC wears during their date was bought in Italy and she paired it up afterwards with also in Italy bought high-heel shoes. So even during holidays she still managed to drag along Gavin for some shopping spree lol.

Masterlist

[writefightandflightclub]

Indivisible: Part Two

Poe Dameron x reader? Finn x reader? Finn x Poe?

Summary: Finn is your wonderful boyfriend, and Poe is your wonderful best friend. But when Poe begins to look at you differently, you wonder if there’s another way to arrange the pieces of your heart to make it whole.

Part one: here

Author’s note: Not a very eventful instalment (should I be selling this more? Lol), but laying groundwork for part 3 + 4 :-) We’ve had Poe’s POV, now we get Reader’s. I’m sorry for how much I call Poe an idiot. You know I freaking love that daft man.

Word count: 1.4k ish

Warnings: suggestive themes but nothing explicit. Mild language.

Poe Dameron is an idiot.

Clearly.

Yes, he’s a smart man, intelligent in a range of ways. But, damn it. You are adamant that he’s also an idiot.

Poe has been your best friend for years. He’s had every opportunity to fall for you. But it was only when you started dating Finn that he began looking at you like that.

Like he could eat you for breakfast.

Idiot.

You’ve always had the hots for him to some extent. It’s not hard to piece together that Poe has all the potential makings of an excellent lover. He’s quite obviously gorgeous, but aside from his looks he possesses just about every desirable quality going. He’s trustworthy, communicative, selfless, passionate, stubborn (that can have its advantages), cheeky, warm, tactile... the list goes on and on. You imagine Poe is the type to go all in. To make love with his whole body and soul. There’s zero doubt in your mind that he would make for a very gratifying bang. And, now that his ravenous glances are getting you similarly riled up, you admit that you would be thoroughly unopposed if he did want to eat you for breakfast.

Isn’t timing a bitch?

Undeniably, you’ve always had a... connection with Poe. If he’d made a move in those early days -even the hint of a move- you would have jumped him in an instant. But the more time that elapsed, the stronger and deeper your friendship became. You simply didn’t see any reason to compromise that for a short-term hit of gratification. Besides, the more time that elapsed, the more certain you’d become that Poe’s feelings for you ended where they began; strictly at friendship.

There had been no hints he may have felt anything non-platonic. No declarations in dying starships, or on failing missions. There was flirting, sure, on occassion. There were lingering hugs. There were occassional propositions, assumed to be in jest. But there was nothing like this. Nothing like his eyes raking over you, hungry. Nothing like the soft glow, eyes backlit by lust.

You had tried to rationalise. Told yourself that, maybe, it was simply a projection. Maybe Poe saw you and Finn together, and wanted something similar for himself. Maybe because you were so close already, it was easy, convenient, to project those feelings on to an old friend. You had tried to rationalise it, but the more time that passed, the more sure you were that this was less of a general desire for some company, and more of a specific kind of longing. A longing for you.

It bothered you that you wanted Poe back. You were with Finn, and you cared for him deeply. The possibility of subtracting Finn from this equation could not enter your mind. So, you must be an idiot too. Because you’d had every opportunity to fall for Poe, and yet, all at once here you were, plummeting. Your timing sucked. 

Recently, you’d taken to doing a little experimenting. Sometimes, when you were showing Finn some affection, publically- a stolen kiss in the canteen or out on base- you’d caught Poe watching. Not in a pervy way. Just... interested. And so -as you did following that heated kiss on the tarmac this morning- you’d begun taking note of Poe’s reactions. You didn’t feel good about this, but there was something in you which enjoyed getting him all... flustered. All hot and bothered.

Apparently, getting him flustered was becoming increasingly easy. Of late, the more you and Poe touched in those innocent, habitual ways engrained through years of friendship - a hug or a kiss on the cheek or straightening up of a flight suit- you became sure there was just something there that wasn’t there before. Or maybe, you were both simply realising something that had been there all along.

You knew you would have to... do something about this. And soon. The thought continually niggled at you, because you didn’t know quite what to do.

For now, though, you both traipse toward the hangar, your arm slung around Poe and his soft, weathered flight suit. You release him with a “go get ‘em” pat to his back as he marches up to the unofficial podium in the hangar, climbing atop the crate to deliver a rousing morning briefing to the pilots and recent recruits.

Your eyes shine softly as you listen to him. You know more than most about his sleepless nights and crises of confidence behind the scenes, but Poe always delivers, in the end. You don’t know how many times you’ve seen him deliver his briefings now- hundreds, at least. But there’s something about him stood there today, specifically, which highlights how alone he is. In this fight. In his position. And now it breaks you that he might feel alone because of you too. Alone because of your togetherness with Finn. You’ve spent so little time with him lately, and suddenly... you miss him. You miss him terribly.

You have to duck out for a second, filtering off behind an X-wing and leaning your forearms up against its body, in complete shock as tears leak out of you like water from a blaster-ridden tank. You feel wounded. Caught off-guard. You pull yourself together quickly, but not before BB-8 rounds the ship to find out what you’re up to. In haste, you mash your tears away with the heel of your hand and scurry from your position, dropping a warning through your teeth to the sweet droid as you rejoin the briefing. “Don’t you tell anyone I cried, you hear?”

Poor Bb-8 isn’t having much luck today, is he?

Sucking in a breath, you watch Poe’s continued briefing, as he delivers orders and takes questions from the recruits. He’s assured, smooth, competent, and patient. Very much in his element. Perhaps that’s the only reason you notice the subtle shift in his mood so markedly when Finn jogs -majestically, you might add- into the hangar, apologising to Poe for the interruption with a soft, charming smile and wave, and passing you the datapad you’d mistakenly left behind with him. Finn is a little obsessed with everyone knowing you’re his squeeze at the moment, and you can’t say you mind all that much, so you accept the bonus delivery of a gentle, chaste kiss to your lips too.

In fact, you thirst at the mere sight of your boyfriend. Finn has clearly been helping Rey to shift some crates into the Falcon -or something- under the hot sun, as he’s stripped down to his undershirt, his rich brown skin gently gleaming all over with sweat, muscled arms on full display. He smiles sweetly at you as he sweeps back out, sneaking a squeeze of your butt, a gentle heat in his eyes making the memory of the morning’s exploits curl in the pit of you.

As Finn recedes from your view, it is then that you notice Poe’s faltering coolness, his diverted attention. “Ohhhh boyyy.”, you breathe quietly as Poe’s eyes bashfully follow Finn’s form out of the hangar. No-one else would necessarily pick-up on the subtle signs of him being... flustered, but you do. You do. That little bob in his throat, that tug on his collar. His teeth clamping down on his bottom-lip, just for a fleeting moment. A subtle wipe of sweaty palms on the thighs of his flight suit. Your jaw goes slack in realisation.

You don’t blame him- Finn is a whole ass snack. Your sweet, brave, thoughtful man is the full package. But you simply can’t believe you didn’t see it before now. Something that has been there all along. Suddenly so many prior moments make a lot more sense. That kriffing leather jacket makes sense, for one. 

“Kriffin’ blaster brain!”, you exclaim, chiding yourself, realisation bursting out of you as you exorcise this gaping blind spot from your vision.

There is a murmur in the crowd and creaking of flight boots as Poe pauses his rousing speech and everyone else turns to you.

Poe just stands on his podium, looking at you with gentle amusement.

“Y’ quite alright?” Poe enquires pointedly.

“Can I backpedal on that outburst, Commander?”, you ask bashfully, and Poe’s eyes crease at the corners before he continues on seamlessly.

You half-listen, still floored by this revelation. But, it doesn’t have you feeling... jealous. Not at all. You’re not even... surprised, not really. In fact, your heart is racing with... excitement. A kind of joy. Like, maybe, this situation could make sense after all. Like all the pieces could fit together. Like Poe doesn’t have to be alone.

Maybe the timing wasn’t a bitch, after all. Maybe it was perfect.

Poe wraps the briefing up with a flourish, everyone siphoning off to perform their duties. The Commander is about to pass by you with no more than a wink and a firm squeeze of your shoulder, but you grab him and wheel him around into you.

“Got a sec?”, you say, trying to keep your voice level. His pretty eyes flick up at you from beneath those long lashes and fall on you, warm and attentive. 

You can feel an involuntary, soft glow bloom behind your own eyes as you clamp your hands on his shoulders, and Poe shifts uneasily from foot to foot under your continued scrutiny. “Poe Dameron.”, you say, voice laden with fondness. “I haven’t seen you a whole lot, lately, have I?”

He places his hands on his pleasingly wide hips and shrugs. “Guess not.”

Your eyes twinkle with mischief. “Do you wanna come over and watch a few holomovies with Finn and me tonight?”

He laughs sceptically through his teeth, looking down at his boot as it scuffs along the hangar floor. “I don’t wanna cramp your style.” he says shyly. Poe, being shy? Entirely new, and entirely adorable, by the way.

“Don’t worry, we won’t be all couple-y, if that’s what’s stopping you. We’ll do everything possible to include you. You can even sit right in-between us to make sure.”. Ok, now maybe you’re saying things outright to make him squirm.

BB-8 seems in on your joke too, even if he doesn’t fully understand the situation. His beeps are basically cackles of laughter as he responds.

You heads flip down towards him with a conspiratorial grin. “Yeah, Beebs. Like a sandwich, I guess.”

Poe’s skin darkens a few shades in a flush of embarrassment, and your heart almost bursts with how endearing he is. You decide you are kind enough to give him a little respite from the onslaught of contrived tension. 

“Poe.”, you insist softly, squeezing his shoulders tightly. “I’ve missed you. I really wanna spend some time together, the three of us.” You clasp your palms together in front of your face and plead, with your best attempt at puppy dog eyes.

Poe’s face becomes pinched and he replies with an eventual, concessionary smile. “Sure. Sounds fun”. You can tell his words and his smile are strained, his soft smile not reaching all the way to his eyes. He’s probably less than thrilled at the prospect of being, quite literally, caught in the middle of yours and Finn’s togetherness.

You beam in response anyway, dragging him into a surrounding hug. But you make sure to squeeze him extra tight. For just a little longer than usual. As you both settle in to the embrace you feel like he becomes as reticent to let go as you are.

You smile softly to yourself as he eventually extracts himself, clearing his throat emphatically and seeming in a hurry to get away, his expression a little sad. His manner a little ruffled. You watch him go with fondness, but a little hurt constricting in your chest too.

You look down at your feet and realise Bb-8 still remains there, looking up at you expectantly. You fold your arms and lean in, curiously. “Has he said anything about Finn or me, lately, Beebs? Anything unusual?”

Bb-8 whirls his head around in panic and zooms immediately away across the hangar, practically approaching light-speed as he beeps that he really isn’t supposed to say. It seems like the droid has a few too many secrets lately. You feel apprehensive but excited at the prospect of getting things out in the open.

You’ll have to figure out if Finn is on board with your plan, of course, but somehow, you have a good feeling about this already.  

You continue to watch in amusement as the droid whirrs speedily over to Poe where he’s readying his X-Wing. Bb-8 bumps into Poe’s leg with little enough warning and enough momentum that Poe trips backwards over his little buddy, his beautiful butt landing harshly on the concrete.

Idiot.

But a cute idiot.

You quickly make yourself scarce as he clambers up from the floor, stifling a good-natured laugh into the palm of your hand. You think you’ve embarrassed Poe enough for one morning, so you allow him to think nobody else saw as he gets up and dusts himself off.

As you heave yourself up the ladder into your cockpit, grabbing your helmet and strapping in, you feel strangely like everything is finally coming together. Pieces falling into place. Still, you wish that Poe didn’t have to feel sad or alone for a moment longer.

Your heart swells though, as your comms eventually crackle to life and you hear the smile infusing Poe’s warm voice, wrapped in a blanket of static: “If you reroute your squad through Naridat you could pick-up some popcorn on the layover.”

Your eyes flick over to his X-Wing and you find Poe throwing a sidelong grin at you from his cockpit. You smile back. “Moonshine, you smart, smart man.” You do some quick calculations in your head, which Poe has no doubt already covered. That route happens to use less fuel too. “Happy Resistance, happy movie night. You genius.”

“You’re welcome, Sunshine.”

You continue your chat as you gear up the crafts, well-practiced fingers flipping over the controls. “Any chance you can abuse your Commander privileges to get us our usual room?”

“If you promise not to terrify the new recruits again I’ll see what I can do.”

“I made them cry two times, Dameron.”

His warm laugh lilts into your ears. “They’re kriffin’ terrified of you. You might wanna dial it down a notch?”

“I’m actually the sweetest stone-cold bitch they’ll ever meet.”

“Oh, I know you are, sweetheart. Fly safe. I love ya.”

Those last words are said before every flight. Habitual and engrained after years of friendship. But they suddenly hit softer than usual. At the same time, heavier, curling into your chest with a new weight.

Now you are the one who is thoroughly flustered. Still, you manage to respond. “Fly safe, Poe. Love ya.”

As you taxi your ship onto the runway, your squad picking-up formation at your rear, you suddenly feel more than a little nervous about movie night.

Permanent tag-list:

@adventurous-nerd, @starryeyedstories @wheresthewater, @tonightletspretend, @gooddaykate, @mrscrain-x7, @iamthe-shadow-on-the-wall, @mndalorians, @multifandomlife22, @theindiealto, @maximoffzinha, @darksideofclarke, @gottenintomybloodstream, @hkmultifandom. @spider-starry, @loxxiepenguins, @itsamedeemoney, @yougottakeeponkeepinon, @thottiewinemom, @taina-eny, @arkofblake, @holybatflapexpert, @khood84, @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol, @gennyanydots, @shakespeareanwannabe, @fanfiction-trashpile, @hollymac79, @brooklynsblurbs, @tammythompson-singslikea-muppet, @takenbymyfandoms, @galacticnerd-78, @starwarswh0re, @imaginecrushes, @twomoonstwosuns, @leahsafae, @thirsty-flygirl, @woakiees, @himbopoes, @damnyoudameron, @galaxy-of-stories, @bluengreyfox, @thescarletknight2014, @pandora-evermore, @el-lizzie @atletino @mylifeliterally @starlightstories

[tenglows]

5 + 11, bestfriends to lovers with haechan pleaseee ;u; can you please make it super soft and fluffy 🙊💞 and if you ever wanna make it super long, please do, bcs i LOVE reading long ass fics agshshhs anyway thank you ily 😤❣✊

[ 5: hey you, i missed you ] + [ 11: you shouldn't stare at the sun ] this is so soft 🥺 and prompt 11 was made for donghyuck. ilyt darling <33

the prompts

you opened the door to a posing donghyuck, already dressed up with his suit and aqua tie.

“woah, looking good!!” you exclaimed, laughing as your best friend stroke another pose.

“why aren’t you ready? we’re gonna be late” he protested, coming in and already walking towards your room.

“hyuck, there’s still three hours left. i think we have enough time”

“you’re right” he shook his head and threw himself on your bed, you glaring at him when some of your makeup brushes fell off. “i guess i’m nervous”

“lee donghyuck nervous? because of the school’s prom?”

“shut up” he covered his face with his hands.

you spent the next almost two hours running back and forth, styling your hair and doing your makeup. when you were finally done getting ready and had already put on your dress, you entered the bedroom doing a twirl.

“tada!”

when donghyuck stood up straight on your bed, you were ready to hear him complain about you taking too long. but he just, stared at you. you had never had him looking at you with that much softness, smile reaching his eyes.

“hey you, i missed you” he whispered, clearing his throat and putting his hand on his pants’ pockets. “you look gorgeous”

you looked down, slightly blushing. you guys had picked out your outfits yourselves, hence the matching colors. you had always gone as your dates to everything. it started off when you had no one else to take, but eventually it just became an essential for all sorts of events.

“thank you” you grinned. “shall we get going?”

it wasn’t a long walk from your house to the school, so you decided to go by foot.

the walk was spent talking about the recent movie donghyuck really wanted to check out, your hands interlaced.

you could see the school getting nearer, dolled up students entering the decorated gates. you forced the pace, but paused when donghyuck suddenly stopped and kneeled down beside the sidewalk.

when you approached him to see what he was doing, he handed you a flower he picked from the ground. you smiled, observing its turquoise petals. you had never seen a flower like that before, and just one blossomed. you liked to think it was this special occassion that made it bloom. more flowers growing under your steps. that of course, suited your clothes as well.

“i didn’t get you a corsage, will this do?”

“it’s perfect” you had no way to tie it to your wrist, so you placed it on your hair instead.

donghyuck helped fixing it so it wouldn’t fall, but he didn’t let go of the grip on your hair afterwards. and he was close. really close. he was looking at you the same way he did in your room, and you wondered what was going through his mind.

the school was so prettified it didn’t feel like the place you spent the majority of your boring days at. you couldn’t even recognize the gymnasium under all those string lights and garlands. the theme for this year was astronomy, so figures of the planets and stars hung from the ceiling.

“wow” you breathed out, enthralled by the view. donghyuck, with his gaze fixed on you, was too.

“you shouldn't stare at the sun. you’re gonna get blinded” he joked, your head perked up and focused on the sphere statue.

you let out a laugh and moved your eyes towards him.

“i shouldn’t stare at you, then”

you had always told him he resembled the sun. everyone did. it was hard not to when he always lightened up whichever room he stepped in. the sun was nothing against his glowing smile and lively laughter. but he acted like it was the first time hearing the nickname, his face turning scarlet red.

“may i have this dance?” you asked, bowing down as the song changed to a slow one.

the boy took your hand firmly and guided you to the dance floor. his hands went decidedly to your waist, almost giving you static, and yours to his shoulders.

“this is the song we danced to on our first prom we went together, remember?”

“i do” he grinned, surprised that you too recalled the memory. “things were different back then”

“how so?”

“well, we were much younger. you were taller than me, now you are just a dwarf”

“hey!” you poked his head as he cracked up, reacting dramatically at your smack. “it's not my fault that you had a growth sprut over that summer”

he shrugged proudly, you rolling your eyes and getting closer to him.

“but yeah, things were different” thinking back to your childhood was always stirring for you, and sometimes, just sometimes when you got too scared of the future, you wished you had frozen yourself in those moments. “we are still the bestest friends though. i don't believe that's gonna change”

“i do” he drifted his gaze from you, eyes wandering off at the background.

“what? why?”

“i do see it changing” he took a deep breath seeing your puzzled expression. your movements were slower now, almost coming to a halt. you tightened the grip on his shoulders. “i can see ourselves being... more”

“more?” you repeated, him nodding.

“yeah. perhaps i could, i don’t know, hold your hand more, hug you more, hold you”

“you’re holding me right now”

“i mean, differently”

“it’s already different, hyuck” you leaned your face closer to his. you could see the confusion flash through his face, mouth slightly opening. “it has been for a while now”

he couldn’t even flinch when he felt your lips on top of his, taking him a while until he realized he wasn’t imagining all of this, and let himself close his eyes.

time passed, and you were right after all. things didn’t change. he was still your best friend. and, best boyfriend.

[gloriousprofessorhan]

blue flowers

it was a fun game until she’s gone.

re-upload ‘blue flowers’ from AFF 2019

“Babe, where are you?”

“On my way back home.” He said.

“I called you.”

“I know, I know, I was busy with all people who trying to be chatty with me.”

“Replying my message would only cost you less than one minute!” 

You hear a low grunt from the other line.

“Oh, you’re annoyed? You’re annoyed because I’m nagging while you were gone MIA for two days?”

“I wasn’t MIA, ok? Yesterday I was on the plane from Dubai, and today I was on a big meeting and I told you I’s have a charity party at night. You know how is it at the party. People trying to talk to me and I can’t be seen being busy with my phoen just because my girlfriend is too clingy.”

You paused, now he thinks you’re clingy.

“Alright, good night.” You hang the call, there’s no need to continue the argument, he would never pamper you anyway. Then you saw at your wrist, your smart watch is showing a blue flower, an icon to remind you to breathe.

And you breathe.

-

It was the summer party your parents made in your summer house. Many colleagues and family friends are invited, and you’re being introduced by one of your cousin to this young businessman, got an adorable smile, quite chatty, and handsome as hell.

You two very quick got into a deeper talk that night, you’re captured by how this guy got everything in a perfect amount. To be honest, as the daughter of a rich businessman, you’re tired of guys who treat you like a fine china. And after few dates, and two kisses, you two decided to date exclussively.

Baekhyun sighs when you hang up the phonecall, he’s looking at someone sitting across him at the lounge. Still at the charity party.

“Why you’re lying?” she asked. She’s Jieun, a client turned to friend. You knew her but never met her, Baekhyun also not very close to her but she seems to like talking to Baekhyun in any occassion. Hopely only like to talk to him because he’s such a smart guy, not into something more.

Baekhyun shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know why I’m lying…”

“Will she be mad if she knew you’re still at the party?”

“I just want her to stop asking where am I.”

“She’ll stop asking when you give her answer.” She said again.

Baekhyun sip his champagne. 

“Why are you being like this?” she asked.

“I don’t know… maybe I’m just bored, I need a getaway.” He replied.

“Then ask her to go on a weekend short getaway with you.”

He scoffed, “his parents are too old fashioned to let her go on a vacation with his boyfriend.”

“Really??”

“Yeah… they’re a strict family.” Baekhyun swirl the glass, “I mean, she can go on a vacation with me but not only two of us.”

“Oh, like family retreat?” she chcukles.

Baekhyun laughs, “silly, right? What are they afraid of? That me and my grilfriend would sleep in the same room doing whatever couples do?” he scoffing again, “if we want to do that, we don’t have to go on a vacation, fool, I’m just gonna invite her to my house and problem solved.”

“But, is it really the problem? Mean that you never slept with her before?”

Baekhyun snickered, “of course I had! I told you, there’s no use on watching us during holiday, because we’ve done sex if that’s what her family was anxious about.”

“Is her family religious?”

“I don’t think so... they’re just afraid that I’d impregnant her before marriage. Because they don’t want to be embarassed by that…”

“What so embarassing by being pregnant?”

“Ask those old money, they’re somehow a little narrow minded.” he scoffed.

“And that makes you love her less?”

“I love her, but she couldn’t decide anything on her own!” he emptied his glass.

They both enjoying another glass of champagne, with him ignoring the buzzing from his cellphone, and her accompanying him through the rest of the event.

“Baekhyun…” she said, her voice is lower and huskier than before, “if you need a getaway, you can go with me… we can go to a resort on a beach for one night or two… I promised you it’s gonna be a relaxing getaway for you…”

-

He came to your house with the smile you always love and the flowers in his hand.

“Hey…” he said.

You let him step into your house and let him following you to the kitchen. The big house looks empty so he asked,

“Where’s everyone?”

“Dad’s at his office obviously, mom going abroad. No sibling because I’m the only child in case you forgot.” You shortly replied.

“You’re being sarcastic.” He pouts, “I’m sorry...”

“For?”

“For neglecting your calls last night, I was go straight to sleep because I’m exhausted.” He gave you a hug.

You pour him a drink before you two talking at the backyard.

“Wanna go somewhere? Movie or dinner?” he asked.

“Now?”

“Uh hum…”

“I can’t, I have to study for a test.”

“What test? As far as I know you’re graduated from college.” Baekhyun tilr his head.

“I’m going to work at dad’s company, and he doesn’t want me to get in there just because I’m his daughter, he wants me to take proper tests.”

“Whoa… so you’re gonna study in your room later?”

You nodded.

“Why don’t you go study now, I can come with you, accompanying you…” he smirks.

“Upstairs?”

He cheekily nodded, and then leaning to whispers, “I wanna be alone with you.”

Of course the study never happened because now you’re under him, hugging his waist with your leg, breathing heavily while you got pumping down there. His mouth keep searching for places to kiss while you grab his hand harder when you feel the intense tickling feeling bubbling on you lower stomach.

“I’m coming, babe.” You grunts and he smirks.

“Want me to go harder?”

“Uh-huh, uh huh… uh yess…”

He kissed you when your body shaking and your leg gave up from hugging him.

He sleeps on the bed while you’re reading some notes, his cellphone buzzing on the table several times, and since it’s close to you, you can read the preview.

Jieun: what you doing?

You creased your eyebrows, “Why would she text Baekhyun?” then you remember she was his client, “maybe they have another project together?” you’re trying to think positively.

-

“Baekhyun!”

he turned and saw a girl, “Hyeji?” 

“Hey! I didn’t expect to see you here!” they were at the lobby of a luxurious junction which has a fine dining area, laid back lounge and a night club upstairs.

“Me too.” He smiles, “I’m just finishing a meeting. So, how are you?” he rose and give the girl a light hug.

“Fine. Never better!”

Baekhyun saw a ring on her finger, “and engaged?”

She shyly chuckles, “yup.”

“I can’t believe one of my ex going to settle down soon!”

Hyeji giggles, “fun fact, I dated my fiance for less than a year before he’s on one knee.”

“That soon?”

Hyeji grinning, “it doesn’t take long to realise that he’s the one, really!”

Baekhyun smiles, Hyeji is one of girlfriend he adores when they were still together. She’s a hardworker, it’s just their living class which way different. Baekhyun came from wealthy family just like you. Moreover, he’s witty self let him being a multimillionaire in young age. While Hyeji has to work extra hard to pay for school and living. Even if Baekhyun told her that he’d cover everything for her, seems like Hyeji has a different way of thinking which made them argue all the time.

“I’m happy for you.” He said.

She smiles.

“So when is the wedding?”

“Next month.” She replied, “so… how are you?”

Baekhyun shrugged, “as you can see.”

“You aren’t change much.” Hyeji said.

“Hope I’m not.”

“What about girlfriend, or fiance maybe? Or maybe a wife??”

Baekhyun laughs, “I have a girlfriend.”

“Cool, tell me more about her.” 

“Have a seat.” Baekhyun sat and Hyeji sat across him.

“So, who’s this unlucky girl?”

Baekhyun laughs, “right, she’s unlucky because she fell for a guy like me, but I kind of lucky because she met all my expectation about being a girlfriend, or maybe a future wife?”

“Aww, Byun Baekhyun thinking about settling down?”

He laughs again.

“She came from a rich family like you?”

Baekhyun nodded.

“See? It’s easy if its meant to be.”

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Hyeji were there for her bachelorette party and somehow Baekhyun was suddenly invited, the party wasn’t wild, but everyone is partying and drinking, and at some point they were dancing. Just two of them, inside a crowd of strangers.

“I was still in love with you when we broke up.” Hyeji said.

Baekhyun smiles, thin and sweet, “do you think I wasn’t?”

“Don’t lie, I was the one loving you so much while you always had your eyes on that girl… your colleague daughter.”

Baekhyun chuckles, “fun fact, she’s my grilfriend now.”

“Seriously??”

“Yeah…” he smuggly smiling.

“Damn you Baekhyun, you’re really in love with this girl, aren’t you?”

“Told ya, I’m so lucky that she finally mine.”

“Marry her.”

“I will, one day…” he smirks.

And she smiles.

“God, your smile is still captivating.”

“Baek…”

“One last kiss won’t hurt your fiance’s feeling I guess?”

“Wouldn’t it hurt your girlfriend?” she asked.

“She doesn’t have to know…” and he tilt his head, kissing her passionately.

-

Baekhyun thanked God he didn’t wake up beside his ex-girlfriend, instead he was home, and you were there.

“Baby…” he groaned while stretched out.

“A girl called me from your phone last night, no, this dawn, because you passed out in a club. Lucky that mom and dad aren’t home.” You said, “I drove at 3 to picked you up… Gosh, Baekhyun…”

he sat up and reach your waist, “this is why I fucking love you…” he snuggles further to your neck. “I love you…” he murmured.

“Stop it…” you don’t feel good when he keeps saying those words because you know he must keeping something from you, an dthinking of how he was wasted at a club really bother your mind right now.

“Who was the girl who called me last night?”

Baekhyun shrugged his shoulder, “a nice stranger?”

You never satisfied with this kind of answer but you know more question means arguments and you knew where it goes, you have no energy for that. Not after hundred of arguments about the same cause. You feel your smart watch buzing and the blue flower forming. You’re breathing following the movements of the petals.

“You still using that breathing app?” he asked.

You briefly nodded.

“Breathing is automatic, babe, why you even need that?”

“Sometimes it’s suffocating.”

“Why? Because of me?”

“Not particularly, but it’s nice when something remind you to breathe, to relax… reminding you that you’re alive.”

He paused, but his eyes looking at you, “Hey, let’s go somewhere since your parents aren’t in town.” Baekhyun pull away a bit to see you face.

“Like where?”

“To my beach house?”

“But it’s not summer.”

“Who cares? I just need to be with you.” He pulls you to his arms, let you cuddled up inside his embrace.

Jieun: [picture]

Jieun: check that out.

“Who’s that?” you asked.

“Jieun.”

“I saw her texting you all the time. Do you have a new project with her?”

Baekhyun humming, “yeah…”

“What project?”

“Uh, long story, I’ll tell you only if you agree to stay with me at my beach house tonight.” Baekhyun still busy with his cellphone.

“I can’t, I stayed out last night because of you, remember? I can’t stay out everyday.”

He pouts, “come on… don’t you wanna be with me?”

“You know how to be with me all the time…” you said.

“I know, I know,” he smiles, he took the hints perfectly all the time. You just want him to say those words, to ask you to marry him, but he’s never ready.

“What keeping you from saying it to me?” you asked, “am I not good enough?”

“Babe, come on…” he hugs you again, “don’t make me sad.”

“You’re the one who make me sad.”

“Okay, okay, give me just a little more time.” He said, “not to convince my heart, because I can’t think of anyone else to be my wife beside you, but a little more time to plan where, when, and how I’d ask you… I promise you it’s gonna be astounding.”

-

Baekhyun called you yesterday telling you that he has to go to Singapore for a business trip, he’ll be back on Saturday. And you haven’t heard from him since last night.

“Girlfriend again?” Jieun asked. She was in a bathrobe stepping out from the bathroom.

He was in Jeju with her. The text she sent was the resort she said she wants to go and Baekhyun booked a room for them.

“Uh huh.” He type a message.

“Why don’t you just broke up with her and be with me?”

“I can’t, I love her.”

“But you did this to her??”

Baekhyun smirks, “I’m going to propose her after I come back from here.”

“You wh-???””

Baekhyun sighs, “I promise myself that I’d stop all the game after this. I’m going to focus on her only. She’s the only one I could ever think of being the one.”

“You really turn me off.” Jieun rolled her eyes.

Baekhyun snickered, “really? Let me check if you really aren’t wet for me, miss.”

-

You went inside this famous bakery in town, buying some pastries when someone called you.

She bowed and you realised that she’s Baekhyun’s secretary.

“I thought you’re still in Jeju, miss.” She said.

“In Jeju? Baekhyun is in Jeju now?”

The secretary hesitantly nodded.

“Isn’t he in Singapore now?”

She seems pale.

“Hey, hey it’s fine,” you said, “I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding. But why did you think I’m in Jeju with him now?”

“Uh, yes, miss, because mr. Byun bought two tickets to Jeju and he booked a resort there.” She said.

“Oh…”

“I’m—“

“Hey, it’s fine.” You smiles, “I know about the resort, I think he bought that as a surprise for me… and you just ruined it.” You playfully winked.

As someone who taught to always held your head high even in a critical situation, you know you can’t be seen fooled by anyone, especially your own boyfriend.

But you cried in the car and your smart watch buzzing again and the blue flower showed up.

-

“NOW YOU EXPLAIN TO ME WHO WAS WITH YOU!!” you shouts at him on the day he appeared in front of you on Saturday night, the day he said he was just landed from Singapore.

“Babe?”

“I know you were in Jeju, you bastard!!”

“I was—babe, I can explain.”

“Yeah you should be, now explain!!”

“It was a surprise present for a friend.”

“Who?”

“Junmyeon, for his honeymoon.” He said.

“Don’t lie to me, Baekhyun, I can call Junmeyon now!” you yelled, how silly was the reason, Junmyeon hasn’t even got married to anyone and it boiled your blood even more.

“Babe…”

“Stop using your friend to keep lying to me, Baek!!”

“Argh! Listen to me!!” he grunts.

“I am not listening if you still thinking of lying to my face!”

“Okay, I’m sorry! I lied to you, I was with Jieun.”

You stop, your whole world stop spinning, you can’t believe what he just said. “y-you  were with Jieun…?”

He’s gazing at the marbled floor, “I’m sorry, I was… I was wrong…”

“You’re… you’re cheating on me…?? Baekhyun?” tears rolled down, you didn’t even notice it.

“Baby, I promise you it’lll never happen again! I swear it was a mistake I’d never repeat!!”

You didn’t say anything for a moment, trying to make up your mind.

Byun bakehyun, your boyfriend fro 2 years, lying to you. And you sure that wasn’t the first time.

“Babe…?” he’s trying to come closer, “babe, I’m sorry, it was a mistake.”

“No.” you cut him, “I was, I was the mistake.”

“What are you saying??” he looks concerned.

“I know I’m different than all girls you’ve been having relationship with… you always told me I can’t even make a decision by myself, I am driven by my family, unlike other couples we can’t go on a vacation just two of us… I never met your expectation of how common couple would date…”

“No, baby…”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot,” you said, “the way I stopped confronting you when you’re going MIA, when you’re wasted in a club, texting girls… because I know I can’t give you—“

“You gave me everything! Please! Please stop.” He cuts you. “please…”

You’re looking at him, he was the most beautiful man you ever known, you had several exes in the past but Baekhyun hold most of your heart, he’s witty, he’s funny, he’s good looking. “Baekhyun…”

“Please…” he whispers whil ereaching your hand.

“… broke up with me.”

“Wh—“

“Broke up with me, Baek…”

“But—“

“It’s a mistake if you want to stay with me… you need someone match your pace, someone who can run with you wildly, not some bird in a golden cage.”

Baekhyun staring into your eyes, trying to let you know that he doesn’t agree with whatever you said.

“Break up with me…” you pleaded.

“Wait for me.” He said, “I’ll be a better person for you. I promise.”

-

8 months later.

It’s nice to be back to Seoul after an intense work training to your father’s company in Europe. And you have to admit that being away from the city in which you got your heart britally broke was nice.

Today is the first month of you officially working at your father’s company as one of the business analysts, you did a good job, even your father is proud of you.

“Miss, here the file you asked, and you got an invitation.” Your assistant came and give you few big envelopes.

“Invitation?”

“A wedding invitation.”

Your heart pounding.

Who?

You snatch the envelope and read the name.

Kim Junmyeon & Kang Jieun

You feel silly for breathing in relieve, you shouldn’t feel that way. Even if Baekhyun name was on it, you should be happy for him.

-

The wedding took place in a big cathedral, nice and elegant, the flowers are all white and the wedding band playing the smoothest jazz ever.

You stepped in and looked around, you found some old friends who immediately greet you, asking you how are you because ethey didn’t expect to see you here in Seoul, they’re all knew you moved to Europe 8 months a go, after the break up.

“Hey, someone looking for you.” Sehun, your junior in college, also a family friend pointed at a direction.

Baekhyun.

In a blacksuit, white shirt, no tie, smiling at you.

“Hey…” he said.

“Hey…” you greet him back.

“How are you?”

“Never better.”

And his smile bloomed. “You came alone?”

You nodded, “you?”

“Yes.” He replied.

“Where’s your girlfriend?” you asked.

“I don’t have one. Not a girlfriend, not a fling, no one. No one after you.”

You feel the bubble formed inside your chest, but you just smiling.

“I’m trying to prove something here…” he whispers.

“Yeah, and you did.”

He nodded, “so…” he looked down briefly to take your hand when he stopped, stunned, dumbfounded by the ring on your finger. “Wh—what the… what is this? This is just an accessories, isn’t it??”

You waited for him to level up his eyes to yours, and when he did, you shook your head.

“Who?” he asked.

“An aqcuiantance I met in Europe some months a go.”

“But to engage to him… isn’t it… too soon?” he asked.

“It’s easy when it’s meant to be, Baek.”

“Bullshit.” He gritted his teeth, “but I, I did this for you! I changed for you!”

“But I changed after I met him.”

Baekhyun scoffed.

“It’s not anymore suffocating, Baek… breathing is easy when I’m with him.” You rubbed the chained watch on your wrist, not anymore the smart watch.

“And where is he now?” he asked.

“Still in Europe, he’ll be here next week.”

“And you’re okay with long distance relationship?” he asked, “come on, you love me more because you can’t stand being away from me even for two nights.”

“Because I trust him…” you replied.

You gotta admit, to see those dark orbs of the man in front of you wet from tears breaking your heart, but as much love you got for him, you were never find ease when you’re with him.

“I’m sorry…” you murmured.

“But I love you…”

“I loved you enough when I’m with you.” You said, “now please… be happy for me.”

He gulped, swallowing the lump in his throat. “I…”

You stepped forward and reach him, brought him to your hug, “be happy for me…”

And he didn’t say anything because he could never.

-end-

[sdra2writer-imaginesandhcs]

I’m happy to be with you (Hajime x Shinji)

“Babe? When are you coming home?”

Through his mobile device, Hajime could hear Shinji’s concerned voice. He felt guilty that he has to come home late. Today is an important event for them, for it is their 3rd anniversary, but a problem occurred.

Unexpectedly, his boss just announced to him another match that will occur on the time Hajime was supposed to arrive at home. He tried to decline, but his coach insisted to attend due to his competitor, who was the strongest and most famous boxer in the country who hasn’t lost a single match ever since he started his career. He sighed in sadness that he has to miss out on their planned dinner.

“Again, I’m so sorry that I have to miss such an important dinner! You may eat without me, I’ll just eat the leftovers later. Anyways, I love you! Goodbye!” He hangs the call after he hears his coach shouting his name.

On the other side of the call, Shinji sighs sadly. He too just came from work. Everything was going well until an emergency fire-alert came from a 4-story-apartment with many people inside. As usual, he was able to save everyone, but it took most of the time he needed to prepare their table and food.

After his shift ended, he immediately went to their home, and started to prepare the ingredients to make their dinner. He was anxious that Hajime might arrive at their place just when he started cooking, until he got the call regarding Hajime’s shift extension.

Shinji pauses for a moment to gather all of his thoughts of today. Hajime’s is gonna miss an important day they celebrate every year ever since they started dating and since they got married. It would be a waste of time to prepare everything even though he’s not coming home at the planned time.

But that’s not what Shinji thought.

He continues mixing, cutting, and brewing all of his ingredients with a smirk plastered on his face. This new confidence has filled him. This was because of the one thing that motivated him.

The ring that’s placed on his ring finger. His wedding ring.

Every time he looks at it, it reminds him the meaning of their wedding, their vows, and the meaning of their love for each other.

The meaning of their love is to always be together forever, no matter how exhausted, sick, or tired they are. To always remain by each other’s side, because that’s the only thing they need to brighten up their day. Maybe even whole life.

Even if Shinji has to stay awake until 1am or be late for work tomorrow because of Hajime, then he will do it because he wants to spend time with him on this important occassion. Because he loves him with all of his heart that he wishes to see his smiling face everyday.

*****************************

Hajime closes the door of their apartment slowly and quietly. He didn’t want to disturb Shinji. He’s probably asleep by now since it’s around 12am.

He looks around his apartment. It was fairly wide, it can fit all of the necessary things they needed to make this their home, such as their dining table, couch, even their tv for late movie nights. There’s even a small balcony where they can watch the stars and have a moment there together.

Even one time, they had a small argument on which floor should they live in. Hajime insists on staying on the 2nd floor because it’s much closer to the ground and the probability of someone breaking into the window is low, but Shinji was able to convince him to live in the 5th floor. Hajime reluctantly agreed. After all, Shinji is a firefighter. He could save the day when a bad situation happens.

He notices the door that leads to their balcony open. As he places his boxing gears and bag on the couch, he cautiously walks towards the opened door, only to find Shinji sleeping on a foldable table, with food and plates in top of it. Along with that, there were candles light up on the ledge of the balcony. The atmosphere was romantic, especially since it was nighttime.

Gently, he wakes up Shinji, “Shinji, wake up. I’m home” he whispers softly to his ear as he shuffles his red-hair. Shinji brings his head up and rub his eyes to see clearly. As soon as his vision cleared, he hugged Hajime tightly on the waist.

“Shinji, I thought you were asleep” he was surprised at the preparations and the setting even though its very late.

“I wanted to wait for you, so I did” he brings his head down a bit to cover his blush.

Hajime is happy that he prepared all of this, but being the health guru he is, he was very worried about his health, “Sweetie, I’m worried that your blood will thicken due to the lack of sleep. You really shouldn’t have prepared this”

Shinji faces him with a stern look, “Babe, I don’t care if I don’t get any sleep. As long as I get to see you smile during our anniversary and I get to spend more time with you, then I don’t mind not getting any sleep”

Hajime felt his heart flutter. This really is the best night he has, especially since he won the match with his competitor.

They both lean in and give each other a sweet and passionate kiss under the shining stars at night.

When they broke the kiss, Hajime said, “But after we eat dinner, we’re going straight to bed”

Shinji giggles, “Of course”

Hello! Welcome to my blog!

Wow, I actually completed my first ever SDRA2 one-shot. And guess what time it is here?

Yep, it’s 3am, but it was worth completing anyways! I hope you guys like this one-shot and don’t be shy to send requests about s/o hcs or one-shots or hcs about any ships.

[weirdstuff-blog]

Me and stephanie dancing up Christian

"ROB SIMS presents KellyMBentley.Com in 2008! "

Female 26 years old ATLANTA, Georgia United States

Last Login: 4/13/2008

I love models and everything to do with the glamour industry. I am seriously into photography. I love to dance and I am currently learning to sing. I am crazy in love with my American Pitt Bull Terrier "Layla" and I love spending time with her playing freesbee with her and my loving fiance Django. I love fast cars preferrably American Muscle. My favorite would be a Trans Am. Long live Cassondra

Music I love all types of music, but my favorite is Classic Rock including the Grateful Dead, Bob Dylan, Doors, Def Lepard, AC/DC, Primus, Nine Inch Nail all kinds of artists. I love dancing to hip-hop, but I really don’t have any favorites.

Movies I love chic flicks and cartoons. I’ve never really been a fan of horror flicks. My favs include Notebook, Ratatouille, Sweet Home Alabama, Youve Got Mail…you get where this is going.

Television I love reality shows. I was on the Coyote Ugly Reality Show but I hated it. My favorites shows include Pussycat dolls, ANTM, Ghost Hunters, Dirty Jobs, Rock of Love, Make me a Supermodel….well all of them except American Idol…hate that shit!!

Books I dont read anything but war books and Cosmopolitian magazine. Oh yea and the Bible of course. Heroes All of our American Military men and women especially those close to me….Andrew Goldman, Jason Edmondson, Chris Willis, and my sweet uncle Kurt. Love and appreciate you guys. If you have a friend or relative serving I send me their name and I will post it here to show my appreciation.

The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Details

Status: In a Relationship Here for: Networking, Friends Orientation: Straight Hometown: Alabama Body type: Slim / Slender Ethnicity: White / Caucasian Zodiac Sign: Libra Smoke / Drink: No / No Education: College graduate Occupation: Model

The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Schools Southern Union State Community College Wadley, AL Graduated: 2002 Student status: Alumni Degree: Associate’s Degree Major: Computer Science

2000 to 2002

The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Companies NOPI Motorsports Atlanta, Georgia US Nopi Chic Model

Construction Cuties Atlanta, Georgia US

M Bentley Productions Atlanta, Georgia US

The Kelly M. Bentley is Taking Over the F*cking World!

The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Latest Blog Entry [Subscribe to this Blog]

Rob Sims and Kelly Bentley 2008 (view more)

RIDE FOR LIFE…..Relay For Life Charity Event (view more)

Coyote Ugly Episode 5…Thank God its Over! (view more)

National Glamour Showcase Florida (view more)

Coyote Ugly Episode 4 (view more)

[View All Blog Entries]

The Kelly M. Bentley ‘s Blurbs About me: Its hard to describe myself because I am constantly changing. So to start, above all else, I am a bad ass bartender. I bartend at OPERA Nightclub here in Atlanta, Geogia. Its the biggest and hottest club in Atlanta. I also bartend at the Irish Bred Carrollton where I can fulfill my bar dancing passion to AC/DC, Buckcherry (Crazy biotch!), and Def Lepard. I love serving up cocktails with a little sassy shake some come by either place and check me out!!

Second, I am a model and one of the hottest female entrepreneurs on this planet. In modeling, I specialize in glamour, fitness, and promotional modeling. I always have something going on somewhere. I’m partnering up with NOPI as a NOPI CHIC for 2008. I love doing charity work so keep updated on my events and help us out. As an entrepreneur, I own half of a calendar production company with JM Polsfuss that is responsible for the hottest calendar coming out in 2009 Construction Cuties. Watch for it!! I also just teamed up with get this…yes…The Rob Sims….which we will have my website launched by the end of Spring to help heat up the summer for you. Also watch for all the magazine covers, layouts, spreads, etc. coming soon…I told you guys I’ll be taking over the WORLD!! Lastly, I am a regular girl that had a dream and am still forcing it to come true come hell or high water. I’m from a small town, but I’m working hard to fulfill my big city dreams as well as those of other girls who want to be models with MODELICIOUS. So if you want to try modeling, don’t listen to people when they tell you that you cant do it, they said I couldn’t, and I look at me…so don’t listen, contact me and lets see what we can do. I DONT DO ANYTHING FOR FREE….so don’t ask. I have a small network of professional models I use and promote because they have become friends. Don’t ask for my contacts, because I work hard in promoting and networking myself so why should I just hand over my hard work to you. If you want my network, you pay for my network.

THINGS YOU WOULDN’T GUESS ABOUT ME: No one would ever guess that I used to be in the Army National Guard. I used to be on Active Reserve as the RA for SFC Robert Cornett. I got out in 2005. I also used to wiegh 170 lbs. I gained a huge amount of weight when I quit drinking and smoking. Yea a lot of you thought it would never happen. I quit cold turkey and the turkey went to my ass. I lost 50 lbs. on the Subway diet. I was recently on the Coyote Ugly Reality Show on CMT and hated every minute. I also have a degree in Political Science and Computer Science with a minor in Military Science. Just some cool quirks about me. TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF – The Survey Name: Kelly M Bentley Birthday: October 7th Birthplace: Anniston, Alabama Current Location: Atlanta, Georgia Eye Color: Green Hair Color: Blonde/Brunette..hell I don’t know Height: 5’5" if I’d stand up straight Right Handed or Left Handed: Right Your Heritage: Irish/German &..39;The Shoes You Wore Today:’ My beloved flip flops Your Weakness: Your Fears: airplanes, elevators, and scurrying vermon Your Perfect Pizza: cheese/pepperoni without any sauce Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Be at 8% Body Fat by the end of the year Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: I dont even know how to set that shit up… Thoughts First Waking Up: What in the hell are the Backyardigans? Your Best Physical Feature: My big ghetto booty Your Bedtime: When ever my mind decides to quit thinking Your Most Missed Memory: No clue..too much memory lost Pepsi or Coke: Caffeine free coke MacDonalds or Burger King: both are some nasty shit…I dont put it in my body! Single or Group Dates: Cant remember my last date… Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: I don’t drink any tea Chocolate or Vanilla: Just hand over the chocolate and no one gets hurt Cappuccino or Coffee: Caffeine free Coffee Do you Smoke: hell no Do you Swear: I swear I cuss too much Do you Sing: Did you catch my show? Think I’ll stick to the shower. Do you Shower Daily: more than once Have you Been in Love: Only twice for sure Do you want to go to College: Been there done that Do you want to get Married: Umm….when I’m too old to know better Do you belive in yourself: more than anyother person besides Roy Do you get Motion Sickness: Do you think you are Attractive: No but others tend to disagree Are you a Health Freak: Absolutely Do you get along with your Parents: depends on the day of the week Do you like Thunderstorms: love them Do you play an Instrument: In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: don’t drink alcohol In the past month have you Smoked: I quit when I was 20 In the past month have you been on Drugs: hell no drugs are for weak people In the past month have you gone on a Date: I havent gone on a date in the past few years In the past month have you gone to a Mall: No..I hate the mall..I’m in need of another personal shopper In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: yea right…my trainer would shoot me In the past month have you eaten Sushi: I don’t eat fish In the past month have you been on Stage: too many times In the past month have you been Dumped: No In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: I wish In the past month have you Stolen Anything: No but someone stole two of my damned portfolios Ever been Drunk: Plastered on many occassions Ever been called a Tease: What girl hasnt Ever been Beaten up: No but I got launched off some steps one time Ever Shoplifted: no I only steal hearts How do you want to Die: at 200mph on the Autobahn What do you want to be when you Grow Up: I’m doing it but not grown up yet What country would you most like to Visit: Ireland In a Boy/Girl.. Favourite Eye Color: Any that don’t lie Favourite Hair Color: any that I can run my fingers through Short or Long Hair: either Height: all heights Weight: weight doesn’t matter Best Clothing Style: clothes dont make the man Number of Drugs I have taken: Don’t do drugs Number of CDs I own: not too many Number of Piercings: ears and belly button Number of Tattoos: 1 Number of things in my Past I Regret: only 1…if you know me you know what it is

CREATE YOUR OWN! – or – GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Myspace Layouts – Myspace Editor – Image Hosting

Who I’d like to meet: TO ALL MODELS AND PHOTOGRAPHERS: Now that I am partnered up with Robs Sims who is the most published photographer on the planet also owner of FitBeauties and FitModels International Magazines, photographer for Oxygen, MuscleMag, InStyle, American Curves, Maxim, FHM, Mens Health…okay I’m tired already. Too many to list. Google him for the rest…lol. Rob and I will be offering photoshoots to ambitious models with the guarantee to be published. Yes there is a catch. 1)like I said I don’t do anything for FREE 2) Neither does he 3) you have to be approved by me first. Sorry ladies…I have to be picky. Feel free to submit to me for shoots with Rob. I will be honest and give you feedback. WE ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT CAN GUARANTEE YOU PUBLICATION IN MAJOR MAGAZINES.

Posted by dcsmith2752002 on 2008-06-23 13:19:11

Tagged: , KELLY , M , BENTLEY , IN , ATLANTA , GA , NIGHT , LIFE , BASIC , BLACK , FORMAL-WEAR , AND , CASUAL , -WEAR , ATTIRES

The post Me and stephanie dancing up Christian appeared first on Good Info.

[thelamppoststation]

Future’s Past by TheLampPost

In 2008, a year after James managed to get off that godforsaken rock, he receives a visit from a young woman with blue eyes and blonde hair. She hands him a locket and a letter, then demands answers to questions that he didn't even know existed. Post season 6 (Suliet) - This story is also partly set during the DHARMA days.

---------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 3: Truth and Tea                  

       Aylesbury, England - April 2008      

The sound of a woodpecker hammering its beak against the side of a tree carried through the open window, intruding upon a stale conversation, that for the past half hour had been dominated by unimaginative splashes of silent exasperation. Dr. Stanhope asked a question, Theresa would answer, Stanhope would ask a follow-up question, or another question, Theresa would answer, etc…

"And how have you been sleeping lately?"

They'd been going back and forth like this for months now, getting positively nowhere. And while Abigail insisted that this was good for her, that she would soon come to realize that Stanhope was trying to help her understand her condition better; Theresa knew, with absolute certainty, that she wasn't going to find any of her answers here, at these weekly one hour therapy sessions on the couch of a clueless psychologist in Aylesbury.

"Theresa?"

"Sorry?" she blinked, and sat up straighter.

Stanhope narrowed her eyes, and crossed her legs; stretching the thin line around her mouth into a forced smile.

"How have you been sleeping lately?" she repeated.

"Better," Theresa shrugged and stared down at her nails; she really should stop biting them. "But I do sometimes still wake up in the middle of the night, unsure of where I am, or how I got there."

"Hmm."

"And I've been having dreams."

"Oh?" Stanhope looked up from her notebook, pen hovering in midair.

"They're silly, really," she smiled, and shrugged. "I try not to think of them too much."

Stanhope nodded, mirroring Theresa's smile; it looked even less genuine than the first one.

"I'm not sure if you're aware of this," her expression morphed into a pensive grimace. "But, research has shown that dreams help the unconscious mind to process that which we've not been able to properly address with our conscious mind. Maybe, yours are simply a manifestation of your subconscious, trying to make sense of a reality that you've only recently become a part of again."

"Maybe."

Theresa bit her lip, suppressing the urge to explain how Stanhope's interpretation of reality lay tied to personal experiences that resided in a linear sphere of her own existence; a stable constant in spacetime. In truth, it was all relative; a construct that Theresa had believed to be true until it collapsed in on itself some seven years ago. From then on she'd resided in a vast void as an onlooker, her body wasting away while her mind remained trapped in a narrative that promoted senseless discontinuity; she was three, and looking for her dolly; she was twenty, talking to her father; she was ten riding her new bike in the rain. While in between those realities her body remained tettered to a drifting soul in an undead state. Alive, but not living.

"Trees," she said.

"Trees?"

"My dreams," she began. "Palm trees, banana leaves, and sometimes images of cobwebs with black circles, but they're not really cobwebs. They look more like the ones that you see in comicbooks, or cartoons," she paused, her mind sifting through the pictures of her dreams. "A swan, an arrow, and a rabbit. I think. They appear in black and white flashes. And there are more, but it doesn't matter, because it always ends with him."

"Him?"

"Daniel."

Stanhope had been listening to her with increased interest; the explanation of the dream chained to a piercing expression; but now her pupils had dilated even further at the mention of Daniel.

"Daniel Faraday? The man who put you in a coma?"

"He didn't put me in a coma," Theresa snapped. "I put myself in a coma!"

"Theresa–"

"I wanted it; I asked him. I knew the risks involved; we'd tested the rats, and understood that the human mind could potentially respond differently," she inhaled sharply. "I did it to myself!"

Stanhope didn't move, merely looked at her, tainted compassion melting down the sides of her face.

"I'm sorry," she leaned forward, and put a hand on Theresa's knee. "I spoke too abruptly, I didn't mean to upset you."

Theresa pushed her hand away, unwilling to accept such a thoroughly educated apology; she already struggled enough with Stanhope's ambiguous nature as it was.

They'd been tiptoeing around the "event" since she started these sessions, and Stanhope's demeanor would invariably change whenever Theresa so much as mentioned Daniel's name; it unnerved her. Why was she so interested in him? What did she want?

On more than one occassion Theresa had laid the memories out in front of her like pieces of a puzzle that didn't quite fit into the picture of her past anymore, and in those instances it became obvious that it had always been and would always be Daniel who laid at the core of her trauma.

Was that it? Did Stanhope get off on that? She'd located the source, and now she wanted what? To excavate the neural pathways between her memories and emotions; tear down all of Theresa's defences, until she could stand it no more?

She wasn't ready to admit that she hadn't given up on him, yet. Nor ready to confess that his disappearance had ignited an overnight obsession. Every single day since she'd woken up from her coma, she'd been looking for him, and every single night he would appear to her. Speaking without words in dreams that proved to be impossible to decipher without properly working ears. But she was sure, so sure, that it meant something.

"He's still out there somewhere."

"He has been missing for over four years. Wouldn't it be better if you laid Daniel's memory to rest, and just moved on from all of this?"

Theresa snorted and crossed her arms in front of her chest; she almost sounded like Abigail. Move on, go out, meet other people; as though it was that easy to forget.

"Have you ever lost someone?"

"Yes, of course." Stanhope replied.

"Well then what if you knew for sure that they weren't lost, but still out there somewhere? Wouldn't you do anything you could to find them, and bring them back?"

Stanhope sighed and reclined in her chair.

"Theresa, there's a difference between rational dreams and irrational fantasies," she began. "Every 90 seconds someone on this planet goes missing. In the United Kingdom alone over 170,000 people are currently unaccounted for. Daniel has been gone for over four years; he disappeared along with an entire science team, and then some. I don't like to make a sport out of contradicting my patients, but it's my duty to make you understand that holding onto Daniel's memory makes it impossible for you to move on. From one scientist to another, you must understand that when that freighter lost contact with civilization in the middle of the South Pacific it wasn't because of a defective radio."

"They never found anything."

"They didn't find the Titanic until 1985, that doesn't mean it didn't sink before then," Stanhope uncrossed her legs, and capped her pen. "I understand why you're holding onto this; it's your lifeline. I see it all the time. But just because they weren't able to find that freighter doesn't mean it's still out there somewhere. You woke up months ago, it's time for you to let go."

Theresa clenched her jaw, shooting daggers at the woman across from her. In what world could this harpy ever have obtained a Master's degree in psychology from Yale university?

"With all due respect, I really don't give a damn about what you think happened. I know he's still out there," she rose from the couch; her nostrils flaring with contained anger. "And he's on that island!"

Stanhope stared, her jaw unhinged.

"Island?"

Theresa was done. Whatever Stanhope had to say, she wasn't interested in counterarguments any longer. At the end of the day she, herself, was the only person who understood what had happened, and maybe, just maybe, if she ever found him, Daniel would understand too.

"I think we're done here," she reached for the doorknob with a type of determination she hadn't felt in years.

"Goodbye, Dr. Stanhope."

------------------------------------------------------

       Aylesburg, England - April 2008      

Harper watched her storm out, the door slamming shut with a loud definitive bang. The silence that ensued reinserted itself with deafening determination, but for the woodpecker that continued to hammer out its frustrations into the tree just outside her office window; what she wouldn't give to be that bird right now.

She reached for her cellphone, dialed the number; the line almost immediatley connected.

Theresa Spencer had been one of her most frustrating cases to date. A stubborn young woman struggling with the after effects of temporal displacement syndrome. As an acting psychologist she had had trouble holding back. The way she'd treated the young woman had gone against everything that she had ever been taught in college: 'Never bait the patient. Respect their boundaries. Guide them through difficult experiences, never force their hand. Present tools, not the toolbox.'

She'd done none of that.

And she'd lied.

All in the name of–

"Yes?" the line clicked.

Harper rose from her chair, and looked out the window. She could see the woodpecker now; a bright red feathered crown bobbed up and down on its little head.

"I figured you'd want to know that she's ready."

"So soon?"

"It wasn't difficult; she did most of the work herself," Harper paused. "She still loves him, Eloise."

"Yes, that's what I counted on; I just didn't think she would start looking this soon. Are you sure?"

"She's been having dreams; she mentioned the island."

"Really?" Eloise paused, a static crack sounded on an exhalation.

"Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

"Are you second guessing my motives, dear?"

"Of course not," Harper moved away from the window. "I haven't forgotten what you did for me; I'm just not sure it's healthy to go through such lengths. Most people, they take a pottery class, start croquetching; they don't–"

"Look dear, I appreciate your professional opinion, but if I wanted therapeutic advice, I'd ask. In the meantime, just do as you're told."

Harper sighed. 'Do as you're told', that had worked out so splendidly in the past.

She put the phone on speaker, then walked around her desk and sat down. The screensaver on her Windows XP immediately gave way to a bland desktop with the standard green hillside/blue sky background shining brightly, almost happily, in her face. She hadn't bothered personalizing the image; she wasn't going to be in England for much longer anyway.

"I looked into the information that you gave me."

"And?"

"I found a woman," she double clicked on an untitled folder, pulling up the file.

"Her name is Jamie Rachel Spinoza; she lives in Miami. Her parents are Bob and Mary Spinoza; he's a math teacher at a local highschool; she's a dentist assistant. I couldn't find any connection to the island, they seemed chosen randomly by the mother. But, if what Richard told you is true, then this Jamie will be your best bet. Her birth-certificate looks… improvised," she double clicked on another file, and a fadded brownish yellow scan of a 1970s Florida birth-certificate popped into view. "It appears to have been signed by Richard himself," she snorted. "Or at least it looks like his handwriting."

"Excellent!"

"Eloise," Harper turned away from the screen and pensively stared at her phone. "You should know that she recently gave birth to a little baby boy; I couldn't find anything on the father. He doesn't seem to be in the picture; if anything were to happen to–"

"Do you have an address?"

Harper closed her eyes, and sucked in her lips.

Unrelentless.

"Yes, I'll mail it to you."

"What about the other one?"

She scrolled down to the last item in the folder, double clicked.

"Kai Nieves?"

"Did he check out?"

"According to Adam he's 'the real deal'."

"Good, has he been recruited, yet?"

"They're negotiating," Harper scrolled through a list of pictures. He was a handsome man, dark skinned, blue eyes; an unusual combination of tough and kind mixed together, but very appealing nonetheless. "Apparently, Mr. Nieves isn't exactly in the business of promoting his gifts. He wants to know what he's getting involved in, and he wants to talk to you."

"Hmm."

Harper could almost hear the wheels in Eloise's head turning as she considered the demand.

"I think he would be more inclinced to accept our offer if we tell him what happened to his parents," she suggested.

"No," Eloise retorted. "Send his details to me; I'll visit him first thing in the morning. Then book me a flight to London."

"You're coming here?"

"Of course," Eloise's voice pricked up. "If you say she's ready, then it's high time I meet my future daughter-in-law."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

       3 days later      

       Aylesburg, England - April 2008      

"He's a nice lad; you should give him a call."

"Abigail," Theresa sighed and looked up. Not this again. "Will you please stop trying to set me up with your colleagues?"

"This is the last one, I swear; he's the one."

Theresa closed The Hidden Reality by Brian Greene; thumb inserted between the pages as she sat up straighter to read the name and number on the napkin.

"Jack Hoff?" she narrowed her eyes. "Are you serious?"

Abigail shrugged.

"He's a really nice guy."

"Abby, just say that name out loud, and tell me again how he's supposed to be the one."

Abigail huffed.

"It's not his fault his parents didn't put proper thought into naming him when he was born; He's really nice."

"I'm sure he is," she pulled her legs in, motioning for her sister to sit.

Abigail flopped down; her shoulders slumped as she eyed Theresa.

"I'm worried about you."

"I'm OK," Theresa assured.

"Are you?"

"Better than a year ago."

"I'm not talking about that."

"I know."

"Why can't you just let it go, Trish?"

"Why can't you just quit setting me up with middle-aged men, Abby?"

Abigail rolled her eyes, and shoved Theresa's feet off the couch; the book slipped from her lap and landed on the carpet with a tud.

"Oy!"

"Because, dear sister; the world doesn't solely revolve around Daniel Faraday and his silly experiments!" Abigail motioned to the book as to emphasize her point. "You spent six years in a coma, and the first thing you do after you wake up is call out for a deadbeat ex-boyfriend who abandoned you eons ago!"

"You don't know that he left of his own accord!"

Abilgail gawked, her eyes bulging like that of a toad choking on a fly.

"Do you ever hear yourself?! Not a single call or message in six years, and you're still defending this guy?!"

Theresa pulled her legs back up and rested her chin on her knees; her eyes fixed on a point somewhere beyond the diningroom chairs. The harsh consonants; the long drawn vowels; she was getting so tired of this eternal discussion that held neither answers nor solutions.

"Can we just not?" she heard herself say. "Just not today."

Besides, her mind hadn't exactly been on Daniel so much as it had been on other brainchilds and hypotheses. Two days ago, a sudden epiphany had her digging through files and old research that had lain stored away on Abigail's attic for some six odd years. Contrary to what her sister believed, Theresa hadn't just been Daniel's research assitant. She had had her own motives for wanting to work with him. Yes, he had been her boyfriend, but he had also been her colleague, and thanks to his invaluable insights he had gotten her involved in groundbreaking research that had held the potential to bring about an enormous paradigm shift. She owed him; she owed him so much more than Abigail would ever be willing to admit or accept.

"I guess it wouldn't hurt if we cut to the intermission early today," Abigail smirked, her expression softening.

Theresa snorted.

"The guy could bake one hell of a pancake, though; I'll give him that."

"Excuse me? What was that?" Theresa gasped, and put a demonstrative hand on her chest.

"Did Abigail Imelda Spencer just say something nice about Daniel Faraday?"

She reached for her sister's forehead.

"Dear! You're burning up. Maybe, you should…hold on," she theatrically pulled the napkin from her sister's chestpocket, and held it out in much the same manner Abigail had done moments before. "Maybe you should ring up Mr. Jack Hoff; see if he can help you flush that blush straight off your face," she winked.

"Oh, will just shu–"

The doorbell cut straight through their living room banter; both sisters simultaneously looked up.

Theresa frowned.

"You expecting someone?"

"No."

"I swear," Theresa began. "If this is one of your set ups come to take me out on a date; you're definitely crossing a sacred line, my precious sister."

Abigail rolled her eyes, and stood up.

"Oh, why don't you just stuff that napkin down your throat already?" she countered, before rounding the corner, down the hallway.

Theresa laughed, her attention momentarily drawn to the number underneath the name; even that seemed like a joke: +441296 366613. She flung it away, symbolically getting rid of Mr. Hoff and his digits, but as she watched the napkin flutter to the ground, she couldn't help but wonder what a date with a man called Jack Hoff would be like; maybe, he preffered to be called Jim. She would.

"Uh, Trish," Abigail reappeared, her expression grave as she stepped back into the living room.

"There's someone here for you, but I don't think–"

"Huh?" Theresa stood and crossed the room. "Who is it?"

Abigail caught her arm, pulling her backwards before she could peep around the corner.

"I'm not sure if you should."

"What are you on about?" she narrowed her eyes, twisting her neck in an impossible angle to catch a better glimpse.

"Maybe we should continue this discussion inside? It's raining cats and dogs out here."

Theresa's eyes widened; Abigail scowled.

"Mrs. Hawking?"

She pushed past Abigail, her jaw unhinged as she faced the woman in the doorway.

"Please, Eloise, dear. Mrs. Hawking was my mother's name."

Eloise stepped across the threshold, looking for all the world like Mary Poppins blown in on a regular Eastern wind as she surreptitiously closed her umbrella with an animated flourish. Abigail remained stoic, arms crossed in front of her chest, while Theresa felt an almost irrepressible urge to climb up on the rooftop to scrutinize the current position of the weather van, just to make sure.

"Forgot your broom, I see."

"Abigail," Eloise inclined her head. "It's nice to see you again."

"Nice?!

Theresa placed a hand on Abigail's shoulder, rage burning a metaphysical hole through the reality of their current situation. There was only one person her sister desired to manually vivisect more than Daniel, and neither of them ever expected that scenario coming to pass. Apparently, Abigail had just won Satan's lottery.

"Just let me handle this," Theresa whispered; Abigail continued to scowl, but refrained from speaking her mind further.

"Why are you here?" Theresa turned to Eloise.

The old woman took a step closer, the light illuminating her aging face. She appeared much older than the last time they'd seen each other. But then, it had been over a decade ago since they'd last spoken.

"I think it's time we talk."

"Talk?! I've been trying to contact you for the past year; my sister tells me you ignored her calls and messages for over five! Honestly, I'm not quite sure whether to let Abby have a go at you, or if I should just throw you out myself!"

"Oh please, Trish," Abigail gritted. "Just give me five minutes with her."

"Yes, an unfortunate lapse in judgment on my part; I assure you, it won't happen again."

Abigail snorted loudly; Theresa remained apathetic.

"No, it won't," she said. "It was nice of you to stop by, Eloise; but whatever you've got to say, I'm not interested anymore."

"My dear, I think you would want to hear what I've got to say."

"Not interested," she turned around, guiding a fuming Abigail back to the living room.

"Don't you want to know what happened to Daniel?"

She stopped, her back straight as an arrow, nerves wound tightly around an invisible coil of her own making.

"No, no, no," Abigail shook her head. "Don't even think about it, Trish!"

But she was already thinking about it. In reality, she had nothing to go on; she'd already dug up everything there was on the Kahana, even secretly visited its last known location, followed coordinates that had left her staring into the deep blue of a vast ocean that held onto whispered secrets as though bound by an unbreakable vow. It had ignored her, stared back at her and challenged her sanity. Eloise was the only person left alive who could possible shed some light on the unsolvable mystery of Daniel's disappearance.

"Abby, could you please make us some tea?"

"What?!"

Theresa looked back at Eloise, who had taken the liberty of unbuttoning her coat; the umbrella placed against the door, dripping water onto the fading words of the "welcome home" doormat.

"Are you off your rocker?"

Theresa stepped closer to her sister, voice dropping to a whisper.

"I need to know."

"No, I won't stand for this," Abigail countered, putting her hands in her sides. "It stops here, Trish."

"Why are you so hell bend on keeping me from finding out the truth?"

"The truth?! This is not about any truth, and you know it."

"Last time I checked, it wasn't you in that coma, Abby; it happened to me!"

Abigail snorted.

"'D'you really believe that?"

Theresa shrugged; her shoulders slumped. Why couldn't her sister understand? She was a scientist, a believer of facts and a seeker of truth, always on the side of the undiscovered. An inherent curiosity creature lived inside her brain, housed in her skull, fed on her neurons, and for months now it had been aided by a second creature that was slowly drilling holes into her heart, scarring the outer reaches of her soul. It was dark there, cold.

Truth? It had never just been about the how; it had always been about the why.

"I have so many questions, and nobody has been able to give me any answers! Why can't you understand that?"

Abigail scoffed.

"Why can't you understand that I'm right here? Right now. Why do you insist on chasing ghosts; aren't the living enough?"

Theresa stared, her stomach in knots. It wasn't fair; it wasn't true.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, Abby."

Abigail let out a low frustrated growl, clenching her fists together in futile surrender.

"Yeah, me too," she said, then thundered down the hallway, shoving hard past Eloise as she reached for her coat.

"Good luck with this hag," she threw over her shoulder, leaving the which unsettled.

The loud bang of the door shutting closed momentarily shocked through the corridor, shaking the furniture before it resettled.

Theresa sighed.

"Tea?"

"Please."

With a heavy heart she made for the kitchen, uncaring of Eloise following. These fights had been getting more and more intense of late. Last week she'd even scanned open ads online for available flats in the surrounding area. It would break Abigail's heart if she moved out, but she simply couldn't take it anymore.

"This had better be worth my time, Eloise."

The old woman had followed her into the kitchen, and sat down at the table; Theresa reached for the kettle.

"Daniel's dead," Eloise said.

If there was a way to get straight to the point, then surely Eloise Hawking had just nailed it. Theresa whirled around; the kettle fell in the sink, water clattering off of it.

"He died on an island in the South Pacific Ocean in late 1977."

"1977?"

"I buried him myself."

"What?!"

"I shot my son in 1977," Eloise said it with such cold conviction it made it hard for Theresa to sympathize. Not a tear or tremor burst through her poised expression, stoic figure; it was like looking at a robot talking about murders yet committed.

Theresa closed the tap, leaned her palms on the counter; her back curving under the weight of a thousand questions. She asked only one:

"You're sure about this?"

"Positive."

She turned around; the making of tea; the cooking of water, all but forgotten.

"He did it then."

"If you're referring to his experiments, breaking through the barriers of space time," Eloise rolled her eyes, air quoting the words. "Then, yes, and no, I suppose."

Theresa slowly lowered herself into the chair on the opposite side of the table, her focus never having been sharper.

"What do you mean?"

"He traveled through time, but he wasn't the one who made it happen."

Over the next hour Eloise spoke of events that started with a plane crash on a beach in 2004, and ended with a riffle deep in the woods in 1977. All through her monologue Theresa refrained from asking questions. Instead, she sat with her hands crossed in her lap, her heart slamming against her chest as the old woman revealed all that Theresa ever wanted and needed to know. Daniel had lived and died, becoming part of an immense paradox that defied all reality known to mankind.

It occurred to her that any other person would have referred Eloise to the closest mental institution in the Aylesburg, but not her. For she knew that it was possible. They'd researched the brain's ability to travel; why not the whole body?

"Why do I get the sense that you're not just here to tell me that Daniel's gone?" Theresa said after Eloise had finished.

"Because he's not."

Theresa frowned.

"You just told me your past self killed your future son; how he is not gone?"

Eloise smiled and reached for her purse, pulling from it a leather-bound journal, Daniel's journal.

"I want you to take a look at this, and ring me once you've made up your mind."

She placed a card on the table, a foreign number written on it in black ink.

She stood.

"It's my personal number; I will not ignore you this time."

She placed a hand on top of Theresa's.

"What do you want me to make up my mind about?" Theresa asked.

"Thank you for the tea," she said by way of reply, then she walked out of the kitchen, down the hall, and blew out of the house on a Western wind.

The kettle, wet from water, untouched on its side in the sink.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: I know this chapter was way different! But it's all part of the story, it will make sense later on! I put some nice Easter eggs in this one, though. I'm curious to see if you guys can find and unwrap them! Let me know! I'm super curious!

Again, thank you all so much for the comments and warm messages on the previous chapter. It blows my mind that even one person would read this story, let alone several! Words really can't express how much I appreciate it.

And because I'm so grateful, I'll reveal to you that the next chapter will be set in Dharma Town again, and will include some much needed Suliet!

Thanks again! And hopefully I'll see you in the next chapter ;)

FYI: all of the characters who appeared in this chapter were on the show at some point or another. None of them were fabricated by me, but I did take some liberties with them, and expanded upon their respective story lines.

[akatokuro]

The Inevitable StS Rewatch, Episodes 31-35

YES, I AM STILL MAD ABOUT SHUN!!!!!

- Even though Saori isn't a fighter, I'm glad she feels like part of the team in scenes like this! Shun telling her to watch over Seiya and her "understood" response, hnngggg.

- Recent events must be wild from Saga's POV (uncluttered with confused early filler and misunderstood lore.) There's no way for him to even be sure if Aiolos is really dead at this point, is there? I think you could easily swing a similar setup to the anime with Saga recently becoming paranoid and more brutal ever since the Galaxian Wars aired on TV, even taking out the "oh no everything changed when the pope's evil brother attacked!"

- It's not a big deal, but every time stuff like the steel ball-wielding Saint or the frisbee Saint pop up, I'm just like... WHAT HAPPENED TO ATHENA FORBIDDING WEAPONS, GUYS? has anyone told dohko that these jerks are stepping on his territory?

- hyouga and shun sure are married. in other news, water wet, sky blue, etc etc

- Hi again, Ikki! Nice to see you back and at least 80% more in character? Still a little too specifically protective of Saori but a big improvement from the last time you were here, at least!

- I MEAN, HANGING OFF EITHER ENDS OF A CHAIN ON A TREE BRANCH CAN BE A LEGIT DATE, TOO, HYOSHUN!

- "Oi, Shun! Oi!" hnnnngggggg, and then telling Shun to go up first, hnnnnggggg. swan may be a dumbass but he is a very sweet boyfriend

- Something about these two as a duo, even - or maybe even especially - lurking in the background together is so fucking charming. I think part of what makes the HyoShun feel oddly real even at this stage is Hyouga's weird insistence on saying Shun's name at every opportunity...? But they really do have this natural chemistry where they feel especially, quietly fond of each other.

- headless ikki is hilarious

- "Heh, if Shun and Hyouga can't survive getting thrown off a cliff on their own, they're losers anyway. Let's beat it" ah yes now there's the ikki i know and love!

- saori nooooooo!

- By the time she officially assumes her role at Sanctuary, Saori definitely hates herself. It's pretty painful seeing that process really get going in these past few eps.

- Once again, as always, Hyouga comes across as really attentive to Shun. Something about the emphasis on the shot of Hyouga lifting his eyes to him before turning to Shun and addressing him directly when he didn't really need to. The charming thing about Hyouga is that yes, he puffs himself up, but he's also 100% earnest all the time - he doesn't feel self-conscious or defensive about his attentiveness or concern for Shun, either.

- Oh right, the Ikki backstory that for some reason they kicked to the present while cutting Shaka's role. That is a shame. This is one of those things in my grotesque Frankenstein-like personal Saint Seiya canon where the manga version does win out.

- I'M PRETTY SURE THE SETTING WITH ESMERALDA'S DEATH WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT IN THE ORIGINAL FLASHBACK...? I MEAN, OKAY, BUT...

- I feel like ordinarily I would be really annoyed by what a flat "I solely exist to make sad doe eyes and then be fridged" female character Esmeralda is, but the whole thing with "teehee, did you mistake me for your little brother again!" "Yeah, you look exactly like him!" "Teeheehee!" is so fucking weird it just drains me of all capacity to be potentially outraged...

- I ENJOY HYOUGA JUST CASUALLY INCLUDING HIMSELF AS ACCOMPANYING SHUN ON HIS IKKI INVESTIGATION LIKE IT'S THE MOST OBVIOUS THING.

- Between this and his boyfriend's complex about his dead mom......... Shun sure has a hard life..........

- And now we're into Shiryuu's filler arc! Considering how weird the manga-anime relationship in StS is and how both fed into and revised each other, is it unreasonable to assume that Kurumada saw this set of episodes and went: "Tiger-themed character to contrast Shiryuu's dragon... Ohko... Ohko... Ohko........... d......ohko...? DOHKO......? WHOA YES NAILED IT"

- I do like the contrast in this episode between Shiryuu presenting a calm facade and "it'll be okay, any one of us would have done it" to the other Bronzies, but here in private he's having violent nightmares and obviously struggling with what's happened to him.

- I feel so sorry for Shunrei. Her body language and expressions here tell you a lot about the quiet frustration and anguish that she keeps pinned down under that gentle, supportive face. Hm, you and your future husband do have that in common, I suppose, Shunrei...

- It's still hard to see Shiryuu taking his frustrations out on Shunrei, though. Uncool, my dude.

- It's also hard to see Shunrei implicitly devaluing herself and "accepting" that her concern isn't enough to move Shiryuu on its own by bringing up Seiya and the others in order to motivate him - and then catching herself for letting an edge get into her voice.

- Seiya, his weird early entry from the filler is over. Ikki gonna Ik. Best to just accept it, the way his younger brother mostly does...

- Hey, is this the first time Seiya belts out his "Saori-san"? An exciting occassion!

- I do think it's interesting and nice in the wider context that Saori comes to Ikki's defense here - both understanding that Saori is privately blaming herself for what happened to Shiryuu and Seiya, and knowing that Ikki is also incredibly damaged for things that she and her grandfather was responsible for. Ikki is fucked up and can't communicate well because of things Saori was complicit in, so yes, it's appropriate that she at least urge others to be understanding of him.

- kurumada flying bythe seat of his pants jokes aside ohko is a bad character sorry

- Seiya/Shiryuu fans must have been veeeeeery happy about this setup with Seiya searching for the magic water...

- It must have taken a ton of courage and frustration for Shunrei to finally "snap" a bit and be honest about what she wants like this. Shunrei is in a painful position where she can't hate Sainthood and what it does to her loved ones, per se - because she was raised by Dohko and owes everything to Saints and has been basically indoctrinated into the SAINTS = NOBLE AND GOOD worldview as well - but it still tears her apart to see Shiryuu volunteer himself to get ripped to shreds, and hate himself and see himself as lesser if he can't do that. So she mostly just locks everything inside.

- I like her including "Seiya and the others will understand!" too, because it reflects her desperation and how much thought she’s quietly put into this.

- She's right, by the way, Shiryuu. You could be so happy with her. You are sort of unique amongst most of the Saints in that you really do have the capacity to find a good life outside of the Sainthood and be happy. RETIRE, GODDAMMIT. (Next Dimension made me a little bit upset, can you tell?)

- Considering Shunrei's courage in putting herself out there in a way she almost never dares to, it really sucks to see Shiryuu just totally reject her in a pretty cruel way. I get that he's hurting, but VERY uncool, man.

- And then Shunrei begging Dohko for help, and just getting "LOL THIS IS THE DESTINY OF SOMEONE WHO LIVES AS A SAINT!" Like, I think Shiryuu is a good guy, but really, Shunrei probably deserves a lot better than a Saint, period.

- And then Ohko and Shiryuu have a shounen fight where Shiryuu regains his self-confidence and Ohko finally grasps the meaning of true strength blah blah blah. Wow, Shunrei really was the most interesting part of this arc, huh?

- All the mumbling Dohko does in these eps about "I must return to my task" is weirdly hilarious to me, though. Like... what, did you take a break from watching the seal for a while? DID YOU LET RHADAMANTHYS SLIP OUT FROM UNDER THE WATERFALL TO OBSERVE THIS DUEL OR

- and then aiolos randomly decides that he wants to take a bath, trolling both graude and sanctuary alike. sure.jpg

- Shiryuu, you stupid fuck. You absolute dumbass. You moron. You could be so, so, so happy. Goddammit, Shiryuu.

- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, MU

- KIKI IS FUCKING EIGHT YEARS OLD. you didn't leave him a note? did you leave him out food? i love the implication that mu disappeared because he's laying low since sanctuary's mooks are probably after him. YOU DIDN'T THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO WARN KIKI ABOUT THIS?

- ESPECIALLY SINCE A SANCTUARY MOOK DOES ACTUALLY SHOW UP LOOKING FOR MU WHEN KIKI IS THERE AND SEIYA HAS TO SAVE HIM?

- and then we spent an entire filler episode watching seiya climb a mountain and punch birds.

- next episode: HE HAS ARRIVED AT LAST. IT'S MILO TIME MOTHERFUCKERS

[forresthom-blog]

23/02/19 The Story of the Most American Day of my Life... and Other Slighty Less American Days

This is the next installment of the Making of the Angels in Blue! You would have thought that after two weeks my wide-eyed wonder for all things American would begin to fade. Wrong. American culture is as vast as the country to which it belongs, and is the gift that keeps on giving. Last Monday, when I visited Alexandria’s President’s Day Parade, it was the most American day of my entire life. My other days, still very American, as you would expect, but not quite so unabashedly as my day in Alexandria.

At the end of last week, I finished my time at the National Archives and began my work at the Library of Congress. Yet, before I left the National Archives, a seemingly inconspicuous box on a trolley of around ten boxes was to hold the most exciting artefact I have handled on my trip to date. The box contained letters sent to the Surgeon General of the United States during the Civil War. Most were all the same: small pieces of discoloured paper, filled with illegible scrawls. However, one had a paperclipped note attached - it read, ‘to be digitised’. I pulled the piece of paper out and, to my amazement, there was the signature of Ulysses S. Grant: Union General and 18th President of the United States of America. Like an excited school-child, I decided to touch his signature - just to say that I had!

After touching Ulysses S. Grant’s signature (!), I went to the National Portrait Gallery. The gallery’s Hall of Presidents contains portraits of all former US Presidents - including that of the 18th (Grant) is above. Grant was a Captain in the US Army in the 1850s. However, he was rather fond of the bottle, allegedly as a result of being both bored with the army and being upset about being apart from his wife. He then resigned (or was thrown out for being drunk) from the army in 1854. When war broke out in 1861, Grant rushed back into the army, but it took time for him to regain his old rank. But, due to his great knack for winning battles (and a distinct lack of West Point educated officers), he eventually became the head of the entire US Army in 1864. As a result of his wartime status, he was later able to run successfully for the Presidency, and served two terms from 1869 to 1877.

My walk to the Library of Congress was much more exciting than that to the National Archives. On leaving Union Station (yet another neo-classical building in DC), I walked directly towards the gleaming marble dome of the Capitol Building. Then, traversing between the imposing Capitol and the solemn, stately Supreme Court, I found my way to the Library of Congress: the biggest library in the world*.

* The Library of Congress itself claims to be the biggest (with over 168 million catalogued items). Yet, the British Library is estimated to have somewhere between 150-200 million items. Wikipedia places the British Library top, but this position is subject to it having more items than the Library of Congress’ 168 million. What is not up for debate, however, is that the Library of Congress does indeed have the largest shelf space of all world libraries. In short, the world’s biggest library is a case of ‘mine is bigger than yours’ that is harder to prove than most...

Above is my photograph of the Library of Congress’ Main Reading Room. This is the library’s showpiece and had a grand total of about three people working in it. Clearly, most people carrying out research do not work in this room. In fact, I was placed in a separate building in a room whose carpet would not look amiss in a local Elementary School.

The room is nearly forty metres from the floor to the top of the dome. The sixteen bronze figures (six of which can be seen in the photo above) remided me of the stone figures on the front of Birmingham’s Great Hall. In fact, the figures of Shakespeare, Newton, Beethoven and Plato can be found at both sites! The entrance to Birmingham’s Great Hall is basically the same as the Main Reading Room at the Library of Congress.

The Library of Congress was founded in 1800 but was burnt down during the British ransacking (whoops) of Washington DC in 1814 during the War of 1812 (yes, it is a bit confusing that the War of 1812 actually spanned 1812-1815). The library’s books were lost. Thomas Jefferson, who had amassed a great collection of books (some nine to ten thousand, the original library only held three thousand), sold his volumes to re-establish the library. Ironically, two-thirds of his books were later burnt in another fire in 1851... Nonetheless, in recognition of the receipt of the books, the main building of the library (built from 1890-1897) was renamed in Jefferson’s honour in 1980.

The best part about working in the Library of Congress was lunchtime baseball... Lunchtime baseball does not exist (unfortunately). What do exist, however, are many exhibits, rooms and artefacts to see; my lunch breaks consisted of exploring these.

America does not stop giving at the weekend! America has let to catch on fully to the Parkrun scene. But, it currently has twenty-nine events with an average turnout of around forty-five runners. For the past two weeks, I have popped down to my local run at Fletcher’s Cove (a short bike ride down the Capital Crescent Trail), which runs on an out-and-back route along the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal. The event is incredibly friendly and has much more of a community feel to it than the over nine hundred strong event at Cannon Hill in Birmingham.

And they’re off! Being a smaller run than I am used to in Birmingham, it is exciting to be in with a chance of a win! In fact, I have finished second two weeks running to another British runner - putting the locals to shame!

The weekend just gone was an extended weekend. Monday was a Federal Holiday (Bank Holiday in British English!). The occassion: President’s Day. President’s Day was originally just called ‘Washington’s Birthday’ which is actually the 22nd of February. However, rather conveniently, Abraham Lincoln’s Birthday is the 12th of February. ‘President’s Day’, held on the third Monday of February each year, handily falls between the 15th and 21st of February - slap bang between the two most well-known historical Presidents!

This year was the 287th Birthday of George Washington and Lincoln’s big 210. Alexandria, a town just across the Potomac River into Virginia, is famous for its lavish President’s Day Parade.

A President’s Day Parade? That sounds very American! And it was. When the warm-up acts in the town square included a local high school’s band and cheer team - and the US Marine Corps Band played the Star Spangled Banner - I felt as though I had already experienced the most American environment I had ever felt. That was until the parade began in earnest and knocked that experience out of the park!

The real George and Martha Washington! Looking good for 287...

The parade was announced by the town crier and was followed by cops on motorcycles (yes, cops on motorcycles. Police does not cut it. You can imagine it. The leathers. The sunglasses. The moustaches... ). There were fire trucks, more bands, Revolutionary War reenactors, Korean War veterans, jeeps, classic cars, marching cadet corps, Scouts, Girl Scouts dressed up as Girl Scout Cookies (I thought these cookies were just a thing in the films, but turns out they are an actual brand sold en masse by the Girl Scouts and their parents!), and even a stunt display team wearing fezzes in mini orange cars from an organisation that raises money for children’s hospitals (you had to see it to believe it). In other words, it was an America overload - and I never wanted it to end!

I was so hyped in Alexandria that I bought my very own star spangled banner for one dollar (bargain) to wave gleefully at the passing parade. I was also apprehensive when the Revolutionary War soldiers demonstrated the firing of their muskets. I did not want them to think I was a British Red Coat spy, so utilised my flag as a cover...

The local sights in DC have not got old. They are still exciting and impressive, despite passing them every day you can always see them from a new angle or at a new time of day.

Seeing the Capitol from new vantages is fun. Here, the dome peeks from above the trees - ‘helloooo’.

President Trump announced his declaration of an emergency at the Mexican Border outside the White House the morning I took this photo. In the evening, all looks quiet and serene as the President’s home is impressively illuminated for the night.

On Wednesday this week, it snowed pretty heavily. My famous last words on Tuesday were, “don’t believe the hype. It won’t snow!” Unfortunately, due to the snow and the waterlogged ground that followed, and forecasts for rain on the day, the Civil War Winter Drill with the 3rd US at Fort Ward was cancelled. It would have been a great experience and I thank Jeff Joyce and the rest of the 3rd US for inviting me along and being so willing to accomodate me. Perhaps if I visit the US some time again, I shall be able to respond to the call!

Dashing through the snow! Here I am, on the Arizona Avenue Bridge over the Chesapeake and Ohio Canal. It was originally built for the trains of the Balitmore and Ohio Railroad in 1910. It is an impressive structure and it is not hard to imagine the iron hulks that used to steam across it.

My working week this week and next week has been and will be at the National Library of Medicine within the complex of the National Institutes of Health (NIH). The NIH is Montgomery County, Maryland’s biggest employer: employing over twenty thousand workers. The campus is enormous and has its own bus service and police and fire departments. It is also the home of Medical Students’ favourite websites: PubMed and Medline! It is a jaw-droppingly enormous place and it is rather surreal to be visiting the organisation whose website I visited almost daily while on the Medicine programme at Birmingham.

And with that, my second week in America is over. America is the gift that keeps on giving and Americans certainly do not do anything by half measures: whether it is their parades, government medical complexes, or their world famous portion sizes. With three weeks left, and a trip to New York City next weekend, I am eager to discover what the country has for me next. Considering my experiences have been confined to Bethesda in Maryland, the District of Columbia and a small foray into Virginia, I cannot begin to imagine what I will find when I venture beyond in the coming weeks. 

[imnotatigerimaholleigh-blog]

OK so.... I feel like I should start being more open about my mental health problems. I have been feeling really torn lately because Tumblr is the only place, I’ve been even slightly open about my mental health problems and although I believe talking about my mental health problems will help me and others around me who are suffering the same, and by taking about mental health problems I will aid to reduce the stigma, on the otherhand, part of my mental health problems is that I have a really big issue with validation and I’m anxious that someone will call me an attention seeker, especially considering that I suffer from three mental health conditions, I feel like people look at that and think that 3 is a lot for one person to suffer and therefore I must be attention seeking, even though I never talk about my mental health problems in real life. I just need people to understand that I have three mental health issues and these are not necessarily separate issues they are twisted around each other and grow from each other like the branches of a tree. I feel the need to talk so I am going to talk. Also *TRIGGER WARNING* for anyone who is reading this, because this shit is personal.

So, I’m fairly aware of where some of my problems started. When I was younger I was over weight, I had (have) a big appetite and I loved food (Literally why is this an issue for people?!) and from a very young age (literally I remember I was so young I was still being dressed by my parents) I was without my consent made aware of my weight problems, I was told by my whole family that I needed to go on a diet and different ways to lose weight, I was weighed in front of my whole year 3 class by my teacher and deemed the heaviest child in the class, I was bullied about my weight by a lot of children, who felt it was necessary to comment on my weight (being called little miss fatty and told that I should go to weight watchers). I was told by my parents what I can and cannot wear because of my weight. My grandparents used to make cruel comments about my weight behind my back some of which I had heard regularly. All these experiences seem like such small things but they had such a big impact on my mental health issues, because no matter what I achieved in other areas of my life, my weight was always the one thing people focused on, the one thing that got all the attention, I felt unappreciated like because of my weight, my other achievements were not valid and this led to a lot of issues.

When I got to comprehensive school, I was bullied by a group of boys who used to follow me home and make really cruel comments about my appearance and they would pinch my bottom on the way home. I remember being so scared I used to change my school shoes before leaving school, incase I needed to make a run for it. They used to pretend to ask me out in a mocking way and all these experiences, made me feel like I was not good enough that I was not attractive enough, it was horrible. 

So at 14 I began to develop an eating disorder, all those little issues had built up to a full blown problem which I could not control by the time I left school. What started as innocent weight loss, became a diet restricted of certain food group, intense anxiety about gaining weight, repetative secret exercising and food hoarding. I used to weigh myself multiple times per day, to the point where I could tell you exactly how much weight I would lose after going to the toilet, or when I was on my period or how long my weight would remain elevated after one meal. However, despite all this I never felt as though I had actually lost weight, I was convinced that somehow my body was tricking everyone (even the scales) into thinking I had lost weight, when in reality I was the same size - this is something I still struggle with today. I was frustrated because I used to see these girls who were skinny and could eat whatever they wanted and I felt like there was something wrong with my body, that my body was being difficult and punishing me because in my mind I could not lose weight. People began to tell me not to keep losing weight but I thought they were lying, manipulating me because they wanted me to remain fat, they wanted me to be fatter than them! 

My parents had always told me whilst I was being bullied that the best thing I could do was do better than those people. And although this was good advice with the best intentions, I really took this one to heart, so when one of my only good friend of mine, stopped talking to me out of the blue (I’m still not sure what the reason was for this). I began to feel betrayed, angry and abandoned, I thought it was because I was fat and that’s when my dangerous competitive streak came in. My anger boiled over at all the people who had hurt me and I felt like I needed to be more attractive, skinnier and do much better in school than all these people and this where my anxiety began. I continued to lose weight, wanting to be thinner than all the people who had hurt me and at the same time, my anxiety took over and I became obssessed with my school work, I would rush home from school and revise for my GCSE’s. For nine months I did nothing except school and revision. During my three months study leave, I would wake up at 6, have no breakfast revising until 11:45, have lunch until 12, revising until 4pm, have tea until 5pm and revise until 10 go to bed and do it all over again the next day. I just needed to do better than all those people who screwed me over. This continues to today at university. 

When I went to college I met my now ex-boyfriend Adam (AKA dickhead) who I dated for three years. He was my first proper boyfriend and given my low self-esteem I was scared he was going to leave me. However, on meeting him my parents didn’t like him (now I understand why) but at the time it made me feel conflicted because he was my first boyfriend and I felt given my appearance I was unlikely to get another but at the same time, every time I saw my parents they screamed at me for anything and really did make my life difficult. My parents made horrible assumptions about me (that I was cutting myself - which I wasn’t at the time, that I was trying to fail college so I could stay with him etc.). My mother told me that I had put her and my father on antidepressants, because I was such a disappointment (which turned out to be untrue). And this conflicted me more than anything because I felt like I was such a bad person. At this point I decided that I did not really care if I lived or died at this point, so I starved myself for many months, living off four meals per week and lying to my family about what I had eaten. All I wanted was someone to notice and help me get out of the hell that was my life, either that or for me to starve to death. 

Whilst this was going on my boyfriend at the time, was equally making things difficult without my realising, When things became difficult with my parents I tried to end it with him on several occassions, believing that it just wasn’t worth the misery, except each time I tried he would tell me that if I ended it he would kill himself and I felt trapped. Now I look back on it I knew how naive I was, he wasn’t even depressed, he just wanted to keep me so he could lose his virginity. He actively encouraged my eating disorder by telling me about how fat he was, knowing full well, that I thought he was skinnier than me and it was extremely triggering for me. Whilst all this was occuring I was continue to be anxious and obsessed over my exams, which added to the difficulties. I began to cut myself at this time. Cutting myself has never been anything habitual, its always been a one off event when I was at the true end of my tether, I started with my feet and eventually moved onto my thighs and shins. 

Throughout my time at college and during my gap year my boyfriend at the time, would spend months ignoring me on and off due to his exams, this also made me feel abandoned and worthless. Whenever we were together, he would regualrly be checking out other women who walked by and adjusting his hair whenever women were nearby, at the time I thought nothing of this. It hurt but I thought that I deserved, afterall I was hideous and horrible. He used to take me out to meals to appologise for his behaviour but then would allow the behaviour to continue, to expected me to be happy with the fact that he had taken me out for a meal and to simply ignore the way he had treated me. He would say things like “It won’t happen again, I’ll be more organised next time” but this never happened. 

In February, I had a bad experience with him, which I don’t feel comfortable talking about on here, but I felt like I deserved it and that initiated and increased my depression and anxiety further. I became afraid of him after that and felt I had to try and please him, or otherwise he might hurt me further or leave me. I felt I would never find anyone else, because I was unappealing and did not deserve anyone else. 

I became very emotional and tearful and anxious about everything. I went to uni and we decided to continue the relationship to a long-distance one. However, the day I dropped him off at his own uni and I returned home alone on the train, his behaviour only got worse. From september until we broke up in April he barely spoke to me, claiming that he did not even have the time to send me a quick text in the day. Prior to uni we had decided that we would skype every night in the evening but most of the time he wouldn;t skype and didn’t even have curtesy to tell me that he wouldn’t be avaialble to skype, so I would change my plans, arrange my revision around our skyping time and wait eagerly for us to skype, without ever hearing from him. I asked him to let me know if he couldn’t skype to reduce disappointment and he always promised he would but nothing ever changed. One evening he did inform me that he couldn’t skype (which was fine I was just happy that he had told me) but then he butt dialed me by accident and I heard him flirting with another girl down the phone. During my first year of uni, I became very low, I isolated myself and really wanted to die. I thought I was at fault, that it was all because I was being too hard and pushy on the boy and that I was a horrible and bad person. 

We met up over Christmas and we deviced a plan to get our relationship back on track the plan was I would stop shouting at him and nagging him to do things if he would just text me occassionally and told me when he couldn’t skype. I thought things were going to improve but they didn’t he continued with his behaviour, hurting my relentlessly and then one night he skyped me to tell me about the best night out he’s had in ages, he began bragging about this great night out, talking about all the events of the night before, and I loved hearing them, I wanted him to be happy and socialising with his friends, especially considering all the stress he was under. After all that bragging, he then told me that he had cheated on me during his night out. I hung up and once again sat on my bathroom floor, bleeding from my legs and had lined up paracetomol ready to take (after all this was obviously all my fault). I didn’t take them that night, I didn’t have the guts to do it, so instead I did what I had been doing almost every night whilst I was at uni, I cried myself to sleep on my bathroom floor. Not deserving to sleep in a bed. 

We broke up shortly after that, he stole £300 worth of money from me, claiming he would repay it but it never happened and I eventually gave up asking because I needed to move on with my life. 

After removing him from my life, things finally started to look up, I went on placement at the Isle of Wight and moved into a nice house with some friends. However more was apparently to come. In September, a male housemate of ours became very mentally unwell, he became verbally agressive towards us and yelled death threats and often talked about how he wanted to kill himself and about his eating disorder habits (which were obviously distressing for me).We wanted to support him the best we could but he started exhibiting very threatening and initimidating behaviours, including walking around the house with an axe and a large knife without much reason. The uni deemed him unsafe to live with him and we moved out temporarily into emergency accommodation whilst he moved out. All the while another housemate of ours stirred the pot with him, informing him of all the things we were doing and saying to stay safe and to get him the support he needed, increasing his anger towards us.

After that experience I became even more so depressed and anxious, I went through a really bad period of being anxious that someone was going to randomly kill me in the street, whilst at the same time wanting to die. I was too scared to go to crowded places and often planned my days around quieter periods. Whilst all these things have happened to me I never really fitting in anywhere and felt like I was a huge mistake of nature, often wondering whether mother nature herself was trying to correct itself by killing me off with these mental health conditions. 

I should probably say, my depression never came across to me as saddness, it came across to me as anger, frustration and hatred, for everyone and everything that had happened to me and hatred for myself, my personality and my appearnace. I isolate myself on regular even now, wanting no interaction with people, I keep everyone at arms length away from me, because I hate getting close to people, because all people do is hurt you :(  

Antidepressants have really helped though. I am no longer suicidal or anxious but I honestly, don’t think I’ll be able to see the world in the same way again. Life is cruel and I simply can’t see it as anything else.