#ZOMG IT'S THE LIBRARY

[ageless-aislynn]

Ohhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyy stars and garters 😨😨😨

I finally beat The Library's par score of 25,000 (and I came close to the par time of 25 minutes). That was... so hard.

It took me two days of trying and at least two dozen attempts where I kept changing from Legendary with no skulls on (um, nooooo) to Normal with a bunch of difficult skulls on (also a no, though closer) until I settled on Heroic with as many difficult skulls as I could try to handle. Oh and it didn't dawn on me until these last couple of runs: I'd turned off Boom and Sputnik so I was making it impossible to do the grenade jumps I needed to do. *face palm*

Using both of them would send me into the ceiling, though, so I tested one at a time and settled on Boom. Made the Flood carrier forms much more dangerous in how they like to flop over and explode right at Chief's feet (then Chief go BOOOOOOOOOM 🤬🤬🤬) but I could jump through any of the doors that you normally have to wait for Guilty Spark to open all of the way for you. That saves a bunch of time if you're not just, you know, standing there blowing yourself up because you can't figure out why you're not grenade jumping properly, lol.

Borrowing a screenshot from Halo Completionist's guide to show the partial opening in the door that looks like a diamond shape right above the Magnum's reticle, just in case you're wondering how you jump through a partially opened door, lol. 😉

Anyway, this means I've gotten 5/10 of the par score achievements for Halo CE but the ones that are left are my worst levels: Truth and Reconciliation, Assault on the Control Room, Two Betrayals, Keyes and The Maw. They're all long levels, (Keyes has a skip that makes it very short but you can't get the points you need doing it that way, so you have to play it out) they require a lot of points and I pretty much suck at all of them. 😑 (Unless I have the Bandana skull on and I'm spamming 'nades at everybody. I can rock any of them with Bandana's infinite ammo perk, lol! 🤷‍♀️😂 Sadly, you can't use Bandana to get any of these achievements. *VERY SAD FACE*)

But, I'm going to sort them into the most likely to least likely for me to be able to beat their par scores, then watch some guides and give them a try one at a time. I don't honestly think I can get all of them but I'm going to do my best and see how it goes!

I still think about how I struggled SO MUCH with CE when I first played it on Easy. Some of you were here while I was kinda live blogging my woes, I'd think, lol! So I still feel very happy with what I've already accomplished, even if I can't accomplish anything more!

Our Thanksgiving turned out not at all like we'd expected: my dad was very ill and so spent most of the day asleep, which is why I was sitting here during Thanksgiving, trying to get the par score on The Library, lol.

He's feeling better now and the thing I'm most thankful for is that he didn't end up in the hospital or anything.

Anyway, hope you're doing well, friends. Take care and much love to you all! 🤗💖💖💖

[gorgeousgreymatter-x]

So as someone who consumes and writes fanfiction, I am on the fanfiction is a valid type of literature train choo choo but my god it is so painfully obvious some of you don't read anything else.

Some of you desperately need a cure for your fandom police brainworms and I think the answer might be just reading a fucking book. Check out a book from the library. Preferably one without a wattpad cover on it and a disclaimer from the author being like ZOMG PLZ DONT THINK IM CONDONING THE BAD STUFF!!! PROSHIPPERS DNI!!!111

Did you know that books don't have those usually because people reading books are generally smart enough to know that fiction is fiction.

[adleryoung]

Now this was truly odd. Apparently Elvish was a completely different language from whatever the lowfolk spoke ... no, that couldn't be right, because we had been talking all this time and could obviously understand each other. Maybe Elvish was written in a different alphabet? I racked my brains trying to remember if I had ever read a lowfolk book, and recalled that Percy le Gobelet's seditious publication had been fully intelligible to me, as well as Rebecca's journal which I was holding right now. Burnside also had been able to read all of the journal except the "lorem ipsum" passages. So, a cipher alphabet couldn't be the answer either ... unless this was a different type of magickal screen, like the lorem ipsum text.

How common was this lorem ipsum encryption, anyway? I had never seen it outside the scry tower library, until now. My experience with it showed that certain passages would become un-encrypted as the reader's knowledge base expanded to enable comprehension. But ... if Rebecca thought it said "lorem ipsum" and had copied it down as such, why could I read fragments of an astrological guide there? This meant that text could be copied even though the copyist had no idea what it actually said. This could be very bad. Ciphers were theoretically crackable, especially this one which unlocked itself if you knew enough about the subject, and I didn't like the idea of a bunch of Elvish books circulating among the lowfolk. If, for example, they learned the breeding techniques from the Fuma Sutra, this knowledge coupled with their natural vitality would cause their numbers to overwhelm the world!

Then I realized with a sudden shock that Rebecca was reading an Elvish book right now. The Foxspell I had given her was partly cloaked with "lorem ipsum" but the rest was apparently legible to her. She was turning pages and laughing at something, and I doubted that even she was crazy enough to be that amused by page after page of incomprehensible gibberish. Why would a copy of the Foxspell from the Vulpitanian Embassy be written in the alphabet that lowfolk could read, instead of in the coded Elvish alphabet?

Then again, was I really certain it had come from the Embassy? I had apported it seemingly from nowhere, and had given it to Rebecca to read. Perhaps my permission had unlocked parts of it for her ... or perhaps I had magickally created this book from thin air. Was it possible to do that? I recalled what Estvan had told me, about elfly powers being stronger in the lowfolk world than they were in Faerie. Perhaps I wouldn't be able to perform such feats at home. I made a mental note to test this hypothesis when I had time to go through the Gate.

Meanwhile, I needed to do something about this loose book situation. I summoned a squad of Ixies for a special mission.

"Reporting for duty, Sire!" they exclaimed, with a snappy salute.

"Oh hey," I said. "I remember you. Angela, isn't it?"

"OMG U REMEMBERED!!1!!!" she squealed excitedly.

"I haven't seen you in a while," I continued. "Where have you been?"

"Ive been following Ash Marten," Angela explained.

"Oho!" I chortled. "Despite all the gambling and bickering, this generation of Ixies shows the most promise! Good initiative there, Angela! That old scoundrel probably didn't even know I had anybody spying on him."

"Im sneaky & sly, Sire," she beamed proudly. "Ash nevar suspected a thing."

"Excellent, excellent, using the Vulpitanians' own tricks against them. This is good! So, what intel were you able to gather?"

"Oh, I learned that he is Super Dreamy & Pretty Hot 4 a portly older gent. That bad boy act he puts on is like TEH SMEX 4 realz, LOL but he has his Sensitive Unseelie side 2. He has a different cravat 4 every day of teh week. He collects soggy old books & teeth of people who owe him money. He likes wry toast with black current jam & a fried egg 4 breakfast. ZOMG!!!1! I just realized that with Adler & Adoyret Sam & now Ash, my love triangle is now a love rectangle! Or a love square! Or a love parallelogram! Love trapezoid! Ooooh sisters, how many shapes have 4 corners??"

"There is also a rhombus," one of the other Ixies added glumly as Angela twirled in the air and foamed at the mouth. "Come on back to the hive, Weakflit. Thou hast done enough espionage this day."

"Have her report back to me after she's been thoroughly debriefed," I ordered. "The rest of you have a mission to track down all of the Elvish books left behind by the Duchess of Daisies, and destroy them."

"Oh my delightfully wicked lord," Rebecca called from the other side of the clearing. "When you're done parlaying with your insect-devil servitors, I have come across part of the Overspell. You wanted me to stop and consult you when that happened."

[bunnywand]

reached over 100 days of music in my library earlier 2day.. zomg o_O

[january-tala]

I finished Return of The Thief!!!

Non-spoilery comments:

1. IT WAS SO GOOD! ARGHASLDFJ 2. If you’re anxious, don’t be. Trust MWT.

Now, for all the wild screaming into the void, because I need to get all these irrational, overwhelming feelings out before I hop on over at Sounis LJ and pretend to be smart.

SPOILERS! SPOILERS AHEAD. DO NOT READ IF YOU DO NOT WANT SPOILERS!

My “live-blog” notes:

- "So, so, so" is out. "Miras' golden balls" is in. - He has all the fighting spirit of an apricot... Like riding a slowly moving sofa - LOL, though I do admit, I find it ironic that Irene would give Gen a horse as a gift, when she's worried of a fall and her own brother died of a fall from horseback - Gen's apartments were Irene's brothers' - two Cleons! two Ions! - why is Attolian!Ion doing back with Gen? Didn't he go with Sophos? - princess Bythesea? LIke, "by the sea"? - SCARY GEN. SCARY GEN EVERYWHERE. SOPHOS! THE PENT! - okay let's back it up here - Sophos throwing water on Gen - GEN CLIMBING UP TO THE WINDOW!!! - ATTOLIA LAUGHING ABOUT IT ZOMG - A;LDFJA;SLDFJAS;LDJK THE PENT AND ATTOLIA AND EUGENIDES AND ALSDFJA;SLDFJKA;LSDFKJ ARRGGGHHHH THAT WAS PRECIOUS BUT ALSO MADDENING - like, here i was, thinking it's Gen who's in danger of getting snatched by a mistress; i was NOT expecting it the other way around - also, every passage i'm either "omg, gen's gonna die" or "nah, he'll be fine." it's so scary whenever pheris talks about the "nowadays" rather than telling the narrative - OMG AND THEN... AND THEN!!! RIGHT AFTER THE PENT SCENE... OMGGGGG THEY JUST DID IT IN THAT ROOM HUH - what is up with all these horrid ambassadors from everywhere?? (Except for the Braels. That one is a keeper)

- Ohh look Irene is doing needlework! Finally! A book where needlework isn't mocked. - Gen doing a somersault from Fryst! - Costissssss!!!!! - oh no! I forgot what Costis's arrival meant - aww, that kindly stable master. bless him! - Genny!!??? GENNY??!!!! I shall now call all my children with a Y at the end. Ireny! Heleny! Bunny can remain the same (though Sophy sounds cute too) - Kamet! - Yessss, Relius! Is back in action!! Also described as "very handsome" so it looks like Costis has competition here - tortured by the *king*?? Wasn't it Attolia who tortured Relius? - lol apparently nobody's ages are going to be revealed - "some unknown sailor fired without orders" something tells me this was planted - Teleus and Relius bro-time. yes i approve - whoa I see an elephant in the drawing!! - okay, was it ever mentioned that Eddisians have tattoos?? Or is this like the first time that was mentioned and everyone is as shocked as me??? - guys, imagine, the MoW. Tattoos!! - okay, so clearly Relius is a playboy?? and i never caught the hint?? - Helen and Irene girl talk, yessss - Fordad's nice. I hope he's not secretly a bad guy - OH NO OH NO Gen resigned!!! What will Irene do? She cannot rule alone again! - omg Gen is such a rebel. I feel for this poor boy. Let me hug him. Let his queen hug him. Somebody hug him! - OMG OMG OMG they're gonna go to Gen's bedroom in Eddis' library, right??? That tumblr post was right! - wooot oh man, Susa turned! whoaaaaa. Gen is so powerful. I am at AWE - asdfasdf neck kisses, hold me, i'm dying - w-w-wait.... so is Susa and Erondites still plotting together though?? Susa, you little snake, I had believed you! - no, Costis is leaving already??

- Costis and the whole comment about "his heart" isn't in his work XD. Though -- guys -- I'm gonna confess, ten years of manning my tiny crack-boat of Costistogiton, I'm a little heartbroken to know they've no hope - Teleus and Relius... Teleus and Relius???? THIS IS CANON GUYS??? But Relius is a playboy??? How does Teleus handle that??? ship name? telrel? leuslius? - Lol, the magus being sassy to his king - ohhhh all these glorious tidbits we're learning about the Eddisian royalty. Helen's mother had an affair with Gen's father? I would not have expected it of the MoW!!! He seemed too straitlaced and in love with his Thief wife - oh. no. eugenides robbed eugenides. i would have NEVER - STENIDESSSSS!!!! - Gen channeling some Edward Elric energy there about his height, huh? Never thought he was bothered by it - what happened to Gen's stomach illness? Is it now gone because the sand in his food is gone? - "Hilarion knew a disaster when he saw one looming right in front of him." OMGGG this is throwback to that Philo comment in KoA - poor Legarus, now the shining example of a man who did poorly in love - OH MY GOD! Teleus was the one who copied the poem for Relius??? - OH. MY. GOD. Irene is pregnant again. - asdlfjalsdkfj "I didn't become inappropriate on my own!" al;sdjfk these babies. - NO. NOOOO GEN DON'T GO AFTER NAHUSERESH!! - NOOOOO STENIDES NOOOOO We never even met you! (except for that one short story) - Hilarion noooooo - oh nooo Gen being tortured AGAIN noooo how much more can this poor boy handle?

- yess Gen the Thief again!! - Eugenides Eugenideides??? - Philoo nooooo! To think he might still be alive if he *had* fought in the battle instead of accompanying Gen to the trap. I am sore about this, ok? SORE - At least my boy Aris is still alive - nooo Fordad, how could you. I rooted for you - Irene crying. My baby - At least Petrus and Galen have finally teamed up - RELIUS NOOOOOOOO. I HATE FORDAD SO MUCH. SO MUCH - no no no I refuse to believe it. Relius is ALIVE hiding REALLY WELL. Shame on him for breaking poor Teleus's and Pheris's hearts - omg Sejanus. All the Pherises. Their poor dear mother, having to be married to the nasty old Erondites - you go, random horseman who took Pheris on your lap!! *I* say you survived the battle; you and Pheris just never crossed paths again - Noo MoW... =( - oh noo, Sejanus. =( All these people I'm mourning when I had hated them before. Though to be fair, Sejanus was really sympathetic at the end of KoA already - HEEECTTTOOORRR????? - LOL omgggg, Baron Anacritus dancing with his lover right after his wife??? the Nerve! - YESSSS,  WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT RELIUS?? Yeeaaaaaah!! Now he can go back to Teleus and Pheris, and dote on the prince and princess! - wait, where my boy ARIS at??? Please tell me he and Costis are still 2 peas in a pod!!! - ohhohhooh awwww that lovely short story!!! Irene was descended from a goddess too? Aww. And I suspected Alyta is also the water goddess from QoA. - I can't believe it. It's DONE. It was SO GOOD. I would be cherishing this last book for decades, y'all. It was SO GOOD.

[destiny-islanders]

ZOMG, I was reading your tags, you work in a theatre program? That's so cool! That would probably be my second choice for a job, after librarian. (I want so bad to get my Library Science creds but I'm terrified of going back to school after being out almost 6 years)

Yep! I like it a lot. I love working with kids, especially elementary schoolers! :>

And it’s never too late to go back to school, if that’s what you want to do!!

[ageless-aislynn]

The Library would legit be my fav level ever if Johnson would've been riding along with me, trash-talking the Flood and Guilty Spark the whole time! And that Hoglet, ZOMG! That's the most adorable thing ever and I love the idea of Chief honking the horn while he's zooming them through the hordes of Flood, lol!

If you've ever played Halo: Combat Evolved, then you OWE it to yourself to watch this level of Cursed Halo. 😎👍 (Seriously, when I'm having a sad or bad day, this is something that can put a smile on my face! 😉)

PS - The Sentinels with the voices of the Portal Sentry Turrets just SENDS ME. 🤣🤣🤣 💖💖💖

[celtic-romulan]

I’m in charge of setting up displays for Banned Books Week. I’m...shocked and dismayed that a lot of the books I read as a kid were banned from schools and public libraries for the stupidest reasons. I’m talking Dr. Seuss and Roald Dahl books here, not the questionably moral teen books that are constantly challenged/banned every year or the heavyweight classics they make you read in middle/high school. The latter two I understand, but really? What’s the matter with parents these days? ZOMG KIDS WILL COMMIT VIOLENCE AGAINST THEIR PARENTS IF WE LET THEM READ HOP ON POP. 

And don’t get me started on how Tolkien’s work has been banned on the grounds of promoting Satanism......

Bitch, what?! Tolkien was a devout Catholic. I’m fairly certain his villains were described as monstrous and fiery like they came straight from Hell itself for a reason. And the magic was used for both evil AND GOOD. Sheesh. 

/soapbox 

[soulsmuses]

ZOMG THIS IS SO ADORABLE!! I feel honored to be included ;w;

📚LETS GO TO THE LIBRARY, SQUAD!! 📖 👏

who wanna go to the library & read in dead silence w me for like 4+ hours

[akirebubar]

ZOMG, I had so much fun at work today! I'm working on designing and drawing a coloring project for the library's preschool story hour. The littles can color it in, and then fold it up into a toy owl to play with! I think I'll give them some feathers to glue onto it, too, because tactile elements are even more appealing to the younger set, and who doesn't love sticky little fingers? :-D

[kateofthecanals]

For The (Not)Watch: Episode 7.1

The Great YAWN Begins

For all the jokes I made about needing Xanax for this, what I really needed was a handful of NoDoz... PRO TIP: If you’re gonna write endless scenes with nothing but dialogue, try to at least make the dialogue GOOD?

Anyway, let’s get on with it...

After an interminably long Previously On (which I guess is supposed to suggest that there are things that happened in previous seasons that will matter this season??), we get to our cold open. Why, WHAT THE HECK is Walder Frey doing there?? We just saw him killed I can’t possibly imagine what’s going on!! Fake!Walder has gathered his bros together to celebrate being total heroes and serves them all the finest arbor gold... all except for his new child bride, whom he says he doesn’t wanna “waste” good wine on. Everyone takes a good hearty gulp -- all except Walder GOSH IT’S SO WEIRD WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?? Then they start whooping it up about totally murdering the shit out of the Starks and everyone gets kinda awkward when Walder starts throwing some passive-aggressive shit out there about killing a pregnant woman, a mother of five, and violating Guest Right. Then it’s the Big Reveal -- as the Frey dudes start choking on their obviously poisoned wine, Walder's like

BECAUSE IT WAS REALLY ARYA ALL ALONG ZOMG!!! But she actually waits until they’re all dead before revealing this, which.... is even dumber and more pointless than serving Walder a Frey Pie he never actually eats. So, she saves the reveal for the wife only, which contradicts the earlier “spoiler” than Arya spares ALL the women, when, in fact, she only spares the child bride (who, admittedly, was in all likelihood blameless) in order to have someone bear witness. Arya then walks out of the room but not before doing the obligatory post-murder smug smirk that is mandatory of all female characters now.

So I GUESS this scene was supposed to be “dramatically satisfying”, but it left me cold, since (a) the Frey bros never actually got to know that they were being killed by a Stark, and (b) why does Arya have to always go for the most Extra™ method possible?? Oh that’s right, according to D&D, every decision Arya makes is based on “what's the most BADASS thing I could do??” Well, for starters, taking your Walder mask off BEFORE all his men died so they could see the true face of their killer would have been pretty badass, but what do I know, I never dropped out of Faceless Men School...

Credits roll, where they still insist that this is “Based on ASOIAF by GRRM”.

We then fade in to about 3 hours of a cold plain and a snowstorm, followed by a Wight Power March that culminates in learning that the Others have giants. Good to know.

Cut to Meera Reed and Bran ringing the doorbell at the Wall, where Edd answers with a couple bros in tow. He’s all “state your bizness” and Meera’s like “yo this is BRAN MUTHAFUCKING STARK” but Edd’s like “nah, prove it.” So Bran pulls down his breeches to show him the birthmark on his ass shaped like a direwolf. Just kidding, he goes full Miss Cleo on Edd and reads his diary out loud and Edd is like “sounds legit” and lets them pass. Not sure how that proves Bran is Bran though? Like, how does Edd even know that Bran is a greenseer? How does Bran saying “I know you fought at The Fist & Hardholme” prove he’s Bran Stark? Hello? Well, it doesn’t, but I guess it’s enough for Edd to know that Bran knows about the Night’s King. Though Edd would be a real shit to leave two kids on their own north of the Wall.

Then we move down to Winterfell where Prom King Jon is holding court, telling his peeps they gotta get theyselves some dragonglass to kill the white walkers. Then he announces that women and girls will be expected to fight as well cuz he #woke and Lyanna Mormont proclaims that she doesn’t “plan on knitting by the fire” while men fight for her -- another PRO TIP: if you’re a white male bro who wants to spew gross sexist rhetoric, just have a little girl say it and feminists everywhere will cheer! Anyway, let’s just hope SOMEONE is left behind to do some knitting, young lady, otherwise your sassy ass is gonna freeze to death. She then declares they’ll begin training every man, woman, boy, and girl on Bear Island... as if that’s something they don’t already do on Bear Island. Jon goes on to suggest that they need to man all the castles in the path of the white walkers, which Tormund is cool with but apparently Yohn Royce has something to say?? Uhhhh who let him in?? Sandra speaks up for the first time and Jon gives her a look like “bitch did I say you could talk?” Sandra thinks it’s a good idea to undermine Jon in front of the rest of the North, like yeah we get it he’s a usurper but can we save the bickering for later?? Basically Sandra wants all the Northern kids to pay for the crimes of their fathers and gosh hmmmmm where have I seen that before...?

So, cool, after absorbing Ramsay’s evil powers, Sandra seems to have taken on Joffrey’s as well...

Sandra then confirms that the Karstarks and Umbers died fighting for Ramsay; as we now know, the “original” ending to the Battle of the Bastards involved the Karstarks and Umbers turning on Ramsay but it was never filmed because D&D are hacks with no sense of realistic time management, so it appears that they just went ahead and officially retconned their own original intention and I guess it worked out well for them because it gives Sandra another thing to be a bitch about. Anyway, Jon’s like “I will not punish a son for his father’s sins and my decision is final GOT THAT SIS?” and to prove that everyone is cool now, he calls up Alys Karstark (why is she a redhead?) and an Umber kid (TinyJon?) and makes them swear fealty right there on the spot, which they do, and Sandra stares at them like she’s the witch from Hansel and Gretel... Insert random shots of Creepy Grinning Littlefinger and Slightly Concerned Davos.

Afterwards, Jon and Sandra go for a little stroll and, out of nowhere, Sandra invokes Godwin’s Law by comparing Jon to Joffrey --What??? Even Jon’s like “did you just fucking compare me to Joffrey?” And Sandra’s like “lol j/k you’re totes a good leader.” Then she goes on to drag Ned and Robb and outright calls them “stupid”.... Sigh. You know, if this show had GOOD writers, they could easily find a way to acknowledge Ned and Robb’s fuck-ups without having their daughter and sister call them stupid. Like, say, “Hey, Dad and Robb were great men but they made mistakes that we shouldn’t repeat. Let’s learn from them and do better.” Done, NO SLANDER NEEDED. Then Jon’s like, “You think Imma be smarter listening to YOUR crazy ass?” She says “Would that be so terrible?” YES, SANDRA, IT WOULD. Then Maester Whatshisnuts delivers a raven from Queen Cersei saying “come here and bend the knee, bitches” and Sandra’s like “yeah dummy, there’s a war to the South too!” Jon’s like “uhh I have bigger to fry” but Sandra insists that Cersei should be addressed because she’s found a way to murder all her enemies. Which, for some ungodly reason, prompts Jon to say “It sounds as if you admire her.” Which Sandra, instead of slapping him in his face for suggesting such a vile thing, replies almost wistfully “I learned a great deal from her.”

So add Cersei to the list of abusers that Sandra has decided to personify. #NOTMYSANSA

Speaking of, we jump to Cersei supervising the painting of a big floor map when Jaime comes in and she asks him if he’s afraid of her and his mouth says “no” but his eyes say “yes but it turns me on tbh”. Somehow she knows that Tyrion is Dany’s Hand and Jaime knows they will definitely land at Dragonstone, which apparently Stannis left unoccupied(!!?!?!). Cersei calls the girl whom not a minute ago we saw infer that she respected Cersei “that murdering whore Sansa Stark”, because Game of Thrones & Girl Power™. Cersei’s like “Literally everyone outside of the Red Keep is an enemy, how do we defeat them?” Jaime’s like, “Ummmm” and Cersei’s like “Nevermind, I have a totally awesome full-proof can’t miss idea!”

Very conveniently right at that moment, the entire Greyjoy fleet rolls up into the Blackwater. Jaime’s like “Seriously?? These jerks never keep their promises and always betray their friends” And Cersei is literally like, “Meh, everyone does.” (!!!!!???) Jaime’s like “No for real, the Greyjoys suck at life” and HE LITERALLY ADMITS THAT THE GREYJOYS DON’T GROW ANYTHING ON THE IRON ISLANDS AS THEY STAND THERE STARING AT A FLEET OF SHIPS THAT EURON TOLD HIS MEN TO “CUT DOWN TREES” FOR.

Cut to the throne room where Euron Both-Eyes proceeds to launch a thousand Twitter memes with his tight leather pants and guyliner, looking for all the world like a MCR reject. Or maybe I should say Mystery, as he attempts the Pick-Up Artist routine on Cersei. He and Jaime proceed to have a pissing contest involving faux-backstory (apparently Jaime was the reason Euron went into exile? lololol okay), and Jaime points out at that Euron kills his own kin as if that’s something that matters anymore. Euron’s like, “Cersei baby, I got a thousand ships and TWO GOOD HANDS!”

However, Cersei decides to play hard-to-get and is like “nah, you’re not trustworthy and you’ve broken promises and murdered your own brother and shit” and Euron’s just looking at her like “bitch didn’t you just blow up a church?” But Euron won’t be dissuaded! He says he’s gonna go out there and get Cersei a gift, a gift that she will be so HAPPY to receive that she will immediately divest her smallclothes. I WONDER WHAT IT COULD BEEEEE....

We then kick it Oldtown where Sam’s days are filled with books, shit, and soup. We are then treated to a soup-and-poop montage that lasted longer than Arya’s training at the HoB&W. (And no, D&D, the juxtaposition of books with shit was not lost on us, go fuck yourselves.)

Elsewhere at Hogwarts the Citadel, Sam goes to visit Professor Slughorn to ask him for access to the restricted section of the library (no, I am not making that up). Archmaester Slughorn (is this supposed to be Marwyn?) is like “sorry kid no acolytes allowed” so then Sam tries to sweeten the deal by revealing that he’s seen the White Walkers, and Slughorn quickly believes him and proceeds to pick up where the High Sparrow left off by launching into some long-winded nonsense that comes down to “don’t even bug about it, the Wall will protect us forever!” Sam doesn’t buy it, though, so that night he grabs his invisibility cloak and sneaks into the restricted area of the library!! And all I could think was, if Walder Frey suddenly pops up with a lantern complaining about acolytes being out of bed, I am gonna have a stroke.

We then jump back to Winterfell where Brienne is filling her 3-seasons-long wish of beating the snot out of poor Pod, which gets Tormund aroused (bleh). Speaking of creepy ships, Sandra is watching from overheard where Littlefucker comes up behind her and divulges how Brienne “beat the Hound in single combat” (how would he know that?), and Sandra’s like “Whoa she fought the Hound?? Is is okay?? OMG is he the ‘man’ that Brienne said was with Arya????”

HAHAHA just kidding she had no reaction at all.

So LF is basically like “pay attention to meeeeeeee” and Sansa is just like “creepers to the left please” until Brienne materializes and gives him stank-eye so he’ll leave. Brienne’s like “why the fuck is he even still here?” and Sansa says “we need his men” (by “his” I’m assuming she means Robin Arryn, Lord of the Vale??) and then is like “Littlefinger saved us! heehee” OMFG MAKE UP YOUR MIND, SANDRA.

Over in the Riverlands, Arya stumbles upon a free Ed Sheeran concert in the woods. Apparently, when it comes to mass murder, Arya is like a snake -- after a feeding, she’s good for like 6 months because girlfriend just rolled up on a handful of Lannister men just chilling and instead of immediately shanking them decides to hang out. Gee, D&D sure do like to show Arya bonding with Lannister surrogates, don’t they? And in the same episode where Sandra declares her respect for Cersei. Mixed messaging much...?

Anyway, Arya tells Sheeran his song is lit but she never heard it before and he’s like “just dropped my new single, download it on iTunes!” and then another guy offers her some rabbit. Turns out Arya happened upon the only decent Lannister men (or, MEN, period) in Westeros as none of them try to kill, molest, or bother her at all and are in fact very generous and sympathetic. Ooookay. They ask her why she’s going to KL and Arya “Faceless Men Dropout” Stark just casually states that she’s going to kill the queen, which they find hee-larious!

So, what exactly are we supposed to be taking away from this scene? On its own, it’s fine, but it lines up more with GRRM’s messaging than it does D&D’s and therefore feels out of place here. Which brings me to...

... the only scene in this episode I really give to shits about! So, while it’s brisk and sunny in Arya’s part of the Riverlands, it’s a goddamn blizzard over where Sandor and the BwB are journeying. Auntie Thoros is like “brrrr it’s cold!” and Sandor’s like “THANKS CAPTAIN OBVIOUS”. Thoros calls him a “grouchy old bear” and asks him why he’s always in a bad mood and Sandor’s like “um have you met me?” They then come upon a familiar farm that they think looks inviting but Sandor’s like “NOPE” and Thoros is like “what, are you SCARED?” and Sandor’s like “NO YOU ARE!!! AND YOUR TOP-KNOT IS STUPID TOO!!!” Thoros tries to entice him with the possibility of ale inside and Sandor’s like haha joke’s on you they have no ale cuz I fucking stole it all...

They make their way inside and Sandor sees the frozen corpses of the farmer and little girl he robbed back in Season 4 in a corner. Detective Dondarrion C.S.I. deduces that it was a murder-suicide and Sandor tries to brush it off, saying “It doesn’t matter now.” They sit down while Thoros builds a fire and Sandor points out that Beric is not special and actually kinda lame, so why did the Lord of the Light choose him when there are better men who deserve it more? Beric’s like “fuck if I know” but he knows that there’s a reason. Sandor’s like “why doesn’t the Lord of Light just tell you?” and again Beric has no answers. Sandor opines that it’s not fair that Beric is still alive but that little girl is dead...

Then Thoros is like “come stare into the flames with meeeee” and Sandor’s like “I don’t wannaaaaaaaa” but Thoros convinces him, and after a few moments of some skeptical squinting, Sandor’s like

And also a mountain shaped like an arrowhead. Sandor is SHOOK and Beric is like “TOLD YA.”

Later that night, Auntie Thoros wakes up to a ruckus outside, so he throws on his shawl goes out to see Sandor digging a grave for the farmer and the little girl. Yes, folks, after 2 seasons, we finally get The Gravedigger. Sandor is especially reverential as he lays the small bundle of the little girl into the hole. Thoros helps him fill the hole, then Sandor attempts to recite a prayer to the Seven but he doesn’t know the words. So he leaves it at a simple “I'm sorry you’re dead. Both of you. You deserved better.”

Am I... even watching the same show here?? I mean, aside from all the “cunting” and the “cocksucking”, this is the first time in a LONG time that I felt like we were seeing the REAL Sandor Clegane... the one from the books. The sequence by the gave in particular rang completely true for me. Now, as y’all know, I hate hate HATE that scene in Season 4 with a fiery passion, so I was actually glad to see some actual CONSEQUENCES being addressed. Yes, the same show where there is literally never any fallout for people’s shitty, nihilistic decisions, here we watch Sandor having to face the brutal reality of something extremely vile he did 3 years(?) prior. And not only did he confront it, he attempted to atone for it, of his own volition, in the only way he knew how. Here’s a man who realized his own hypocrisy in railing against an unjust system while simultaneously making these two innocent people a victim of it himself -- which, granted, NEVER should have happened in the first place, because Sandor would never do such a thing... but if the payoff for it was seeing this more compassionate, repentant side of Sandor, then I’ll take it.

Anyhoo, back at the Citadel, Sam is poring over some books with Gilly (why is she still there exactly?) when he flips a page and is like “EUREKA! Here’s a thing Stannis told me about 2 seasons ago that I conveniently forgot about until now!” Namely that Dragonstone is sitting on a goldmine of dragonglass. Sam immediately begins writing a letter to Jon.

Later on, Sam is on poop duty again and is cruising down the Hallway of the Damned when the busted arm of Jorah comes shooting through the wall. (Wow, somehow Jorah managed to get alllll the way to Oldtown but Dany’s not even to Dragonstone yet OH WELL!)

Speaking of which, AT LAST, 55 minutes in, we finally arrive at the location the entire episode is named for! It’s an extremely long, drawn-out sequence of Dany checking out her new digs, including the Stone Throne™, culminating with her running her hands all up and down the Westeros map table where Mel’s naked butt once was. Tyrion very generously allows her to have her moment and doesn’t get a single line. Then finally, Dany sits down at the table and asks the question I was asking the entire freaking episode: “Shall we begin?” YES, THAT WOULD BE NICE.

And there you have it. An insufferably boring beginning to what is supposed to be the penultimate GoT season. Just too bad they can’t afford to film in color anymore, otherwise this might have actually seemed rather grand...

Until next week!

[alistofchronicles]

9 julliet 2019 | Brunelles à Rémalard :: 27km

When I woke up the french couple had already departed. I packed up my tent and took one last look at the lovely hillside campsite before hitting the road. At the first town I stopped at a patisserie (life-saving places, really) and got a pan-chocolat that had some sort of pudding in it as well ZOMG. I could have eaten twenty of them.

Siesta is very much a thing here in the small french towns, and many businesses close from 12h - 14h, including supermarkets. Since today is a short day on the bike, I swing by the local castle, where I see the French family again. Of course the castle is closed on Tuesdays, but the plaques on the outside describe the arcitectural features and their functions. I make use of the eerily useful camera feature on Google translate.

In Nogent-le-Rotrou I stop at the post office, the library, and a fancy grocery a la Feel-Rite with prices to match! When I attempt to describe to the cashier that I am searching for a thermos, he offers, as a gift, a lovely tumbler the perfect size for a traveling cyclist! When I explain that I am from USA, a long way from home, he exclaims that we are world champions and that I must be very proud! Oh, right, soccer! I tell him I don't really care about sports, but promise that I will pretend to care *_*

On my way out of town I encounter an ALDIs !?! and get a baguette, cheese and salami for little over €4. Back to the trail which is a little used country road, eventually leading to a voie vert (bike path, or green way), that connects me to my final destination.

The campsite it situated behind a tennis club, and I exclaim at the beauty while the camp host walks me to the campsites. The French couple from this morning is here! I take a dip in the cold stream before dinner. Since my phone is dead and I opted for no electricity, I enjoy the evening unplugged by walking around the site, writing post-cards, doing yoga, and literally staring into space........

[rawinternets]

Star Wars Episode 2: A rediscovery

OK... at this point, I’ve reviewed in series: 

Rogue One Ep4: A New Hope Ep5: Empire Strikes Back Ep1: Phantom Menace

And boy, I am not excited for Episode 2. Still, I’m ready to give it a chance. 

What happens when I do this is, I watch a movie that improves upon the effort in Episode 1. You can sense here that George Lucas took a lot of the criticisms to heart, maybe even ceded some control to others whom he trusts. Jar Jar is significantly toned down, the spectacle is there but the mystery and darkness is turned up a bit. 

Still, we have a mostly flat movie. Only one “9″ scene and really it’s just the visuals, which have always been Star Wars’s strength. And, we are introduced to George Lucas’s Awkward Teenager Fantasy of a Space Romance (tm) featuring a horribly directed Hayden Christensen and a bewilderingly amenable Natalie Portman. Like, at no time at all in this movie does it make sense that Padme should be falling for this petulant, whiny, and kind of creepy kid... unless we simply assume that she kind of sucks, too. 

Despite John Williams again trying to save the day (and this romance) with a score that soars to beauteous heights with Across the Stars, the film definitely fails here. The infamous “sand” line, etc etc etc all to come. 

Lastly, we get an incredibly hokey and just inexcusably bad Gladiator style setpiece. 1′s and 2′s abound. The end result is a film that kind of flops on the main plot points and otherwise just plods the prequel plots forward, setting up an ep3 that might well have been made into three movies since it’s the only prequel that is interesting or ties to the originals in any satisfactory way. 

On to the scores. 

Average score: 5.48 Standard deviation: 2.07

Scroll. 7. This whole scroll made me say, “I guess...” Like, fine, I guess Count Dooku is a necessary new Sith character. I guess the Republic needs to create an army to help the Jedi... None of it makes me that excited. Appropriate omen for the rest of the movie. 

Approaching Coruscant. 6. Very pretty ship. Very pretty cloudy day on Coruscant. Terrorist attack! Holy shit! Hollywood dramatic death of the decoy getting killed, bad directing/acting by Amidala. I wrote, “woof.” talk about botching an interesting idea. 

Palpatine and Jedi. 7. More expository scenes here. “Dooku was behind it.” Sure, whatever. Keep republic together, sure, whatever. Yoda is fine. Samuel L is bad (must be the directing...). Palpatine scheming is just sort of Meh. 

Obiwan and Anakin. 8. Not too bad, to be honest. Ewan does well, he’s turning up his “Alec Guinness” knobs quite well. 

Jarjar / Padme, re-meet Anakin. 7. Damn, Amidala friendzones Anakin immediately. Anakin less good in this scene vs. with Obiwan. But the tension here actually makes sense.  I wrote, “I’m OK with it.” Jarjar, man. Boo. 

Worm assassination attempt, city chase. 6. This was supposed to be a big sexy setpiece and I was not loving it. Pretty imagery - very bladerunner - but Anakin’s “not another lecture” and subsequent arrogance during the chase scene means I really can’t understand how the Jedi didn’t see this coming. He’s a total prick. On top of that, one basejump from a speeder down 500 feet to another moving speeder *might* have been excusable, but two? And Obiwan catching a lightsaber out of nowhere? Plus, we get bad alien cutscenes. They go to a bar and there’s robot football on in the background, and that’s just a SMH / facepalm type stupid easter egg. Wasn’t into the cigarettes / “death sticks” line that much either. Anakin as a detective is a “meh.” Just... lots of falling flat going on here. 

Jedi Council and Palpatine. 8. Obiwan tracks down the bountyhunter-assassin and Anakin gets to guard the Senator. So, I actually think this is starting to set up Anakin’s turn pretty well. Palpatine is subtly sowing confusion, discord in Anakin’s mind. The council shows serious flaws in trying to spy on Palpatine via Anakin. Palpatine can appeal to Anakin’s ego. Again, the Jedi really were pretty stupid, which I guess we just have to believe (and call-forward to Episode 8, Luke’s POV). 

Jarjar becomes senator. 3. Copy-pasting my notes: “bad. why is anakin monologuing? padme is just sitting there. anakin temper tantruming for no reason. anakin a little rapey.”

Refugees. 3. I skipped over this scene accidentally and that would have been appropriate. Anakin and Padme stilted banter is bad. “At least we have R2! ha, ha, ha!” Good music (as always, JW). 

Diner. 5. Obiwan goes to see an “old friend.” They give a big alien a mustache and have him talk like a Chicago line cook. Gimme a big “meh!” Gotta go to the outer rim to meet some cloners. hurray. 

Library. 7. Jedi archivist arrogance. The mystery deepens - no system is there where the cloners are supposed to be! zomg. But this is all fine, and almost decent with deepening the mystery. 

Padme and Anakin refugee dinner. 7. Kind of as painful as watching someone’s first date at a bar while waiting for a friend. “Attachment is forbidden but we’re encouraged to love unconditionally” and a bunch of other hoke. Anakin is persistent. Still, not a bad scene. 

Jedi training w/ Yoda. 7. A little hokey how Yoda asks the padawan kids to guess at why there’s no system in the archives. A bad yoda chin scratch. A little hokey, but good. 

Back on Naboo. 4. Good music. Dialogue between Anakin and Padme continues to be pretty rough. “Keep our faith in the republic.” More politics. Lake country. Anakin and Padme tension is dumb. 

Camino. 7. Bad name, cool scene. Good mystery unfolding... why is Obi-Wan expected? What are all these soldiers doing here, who ordered them, what’s going on? Kind of clunky revealing dialogue and the CGI is a bit out of hand but also decently cool. I wrote: “I’m OK with the secret army storyline.” 

Lake country on Naboo. 2-6.  Padme is smoking hot. Beautiful scenes here, but then we get this gem: "I don't like sand. it's coarse, rough, irritating... gets everywhere. Here, everything's soft and smooth." Anakin is such a douche. Padme lets him kiss her, but why? Not sure i'm buying this shit. Love song (Across the Stars) is amazing. Beautiful waterfall. But then they dissect their first kiss. mehhhhh. Let's talk politics at a picnic? No. "Make people agree." Anakin is authoritarian and sort of evil. How could she fall in love with this dude? Then he surfs a cow. No. Now they’re rolling around in the grass. No. No thanks.

Django and Boba on Camino. 8. One of the better and subtler scenes maybe in the whole series for acting. Obi-wan and Django do a great job of dancing around each other verbally while sizing each other up. 

Anakin-Padme Dinner / Wooing. 3. God, I wish I didn’t have so much to say about this tripe, but I do. I guess i'm fine with wooing Padme with Jedi tricks... But I still don't really buy the love story. And now we get lines like: "I'm in agony. the closer I get the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you." Suuuuuper creepy. “Haunted by the kiss you should have never given me.” “You are in my very soul tormenting me.” Honestly! This is like The Room. "THEN YOU DO FEEL SOMETHING!!!" Just a bad scene overall. Now Anakin is getting nightmares. "Your presence is soothing." Meh. Natalie Portman - did I mention she’s smoking hot? Anakin's mother is suffering in his nightmares, so he’s leaving to help her. Padme will go with him!? what the fuck. Bad lines too. Also callback to Luke leaving to help Han and Leia... I don’t know. Bad.

“Collect call.” 7. I believe this is the scene where Obi-Wan calls back to the council and Yoda or Samuel L. says their powers are diminished for not being able to see the creation of this clone army. Decent plotline, OK. 

Django Fett vs. Obi-wan fight. 6. Decent. Too much ledge-hanging and Jedi are too super-duper-heroey. Tracking Django is fine but looked hokey. 

Tatooine. 4. A fancy ship lands at Mos Eisley... man, they’re really going back to this well a lot. We see the stupid slave owner bug guy again and long story short, Anakin’s mom has been taken by the Tuskan Raiders. Time to kill some things. 

Obi-wan tracks Django. 6. Asteroid field again. Depth charges again. Supposed to be a good action setpiece but I’m distracted because there’s not supposed to be any cool noises in space. Fine with Obi-wan faking his death to avoid Django. Very pretty scenery and Obi-wan sneaks around some. Whatever. 

Anakin on the mother hunt. 1-7. Clever shadow of Anakin-as-Darth on the side of the building. Back to good music from Ep1. Finds his mom, and we’re back to bad dialogue. “Ani? Ani? Ani? Ani?” ... should feel something here, and don’t. The actor chemistry is just so bad, and I blame George. Still, Anakin going HAM is a good slip to the dark side. Hebrings his mom back dead, and proceeds to monologue shittily to Padme. "Life seems so much simpler when you're fixing things. I'm good at fixing things.” Awful. “Why'd she have to die? Why couldn't i save her? I know I could have?” what the FUCK. Terrrrrrrrrible. "I killed them. I killed them all." "I'm a jedi, I know I'm better than this." OK, finally at the very end as he breaks down, some sort of decent turn in this scene.

Count Dooku. 4. Jesus, how long is this movie? We get a random weirdo trying to create a new treaty with the trade federation to oppose the Republic. TWIST! This is what the rebellion does, but they’re somehow good! Sigh. 

Yoda and Windu. 4. “Pain, suffering. Young Skywalker is in pain.” Whatever. 

Funeral, message. 4. Here’s what I wrote and I remember none of this: “Clete is fine. Not really buying the whole anakin thing with mom. anakin stay where you are and protect the senator! padme is a mess too.”

Senator scheming. 5. So blatant. Sometimes this plotline is really well done and sometimes is sucks. Could have given this a 3-5. 

Dooku and Obi-wan. 7. OK, we have an exposition-y scene where Dooku tries to recruit Obi-wan to his side. This scene saved by two very good actors giving a good performance. 

Jar Jar in Senate. 2. The worst thing the franchise ever did gets to deliver the vote that gives Chancellor supreme powers. Jar Jar is a f***in’ tw*t. And Chancellor creates the Grand Army of the Republic. 

Padme and Anakin on planet. 1.  Oh, right. Anakin was going to go find Obi-wan or some shit. Padme saving the day with her senate powers! mehhhhhh. C3PO and R2 engage in dumb banter, but not as bad as jarjar. We’re now on some kind of shop floor ... that’s a No. Padme is now running through stampers. No. Bad. Dumb. No. Anakin also dumb. No. bad. My reviewing devolves into 2-year-old level angry language. We see machines making machines. C3PO hangs off a ledge. R2 flies around... come on. Wow, this is so bad. Padme falls into a fucking steel boiler. NO. NO NO NO. Anakin’s lightsaber is cut in half and we get a terrible "Obi-wan's gonna kill me." BOOOOO. And now droids and the fucking bountyhunter show up. God, that was worthless. 

Padme and Anakin pre-Gladiator. 2.  Anakin gets to deliver this gem: “I’ve been dying each day since you came back into my life. I love you.” I don't feel this makes any sense. Except I guess it’s clear now, as i said at the beginning of the review, that Padme kinda sucks. “I truly deeply love you.” Why?

Gladiator Death Battle. 1. HOW LONG IS THIS MOVIE? Also: GOD, THIS IS HORRIBLE. The only good part is Obi-wan with some sarcasm, otherwise we have unnecessary zerg monsters and midriff-revealing claw slashes and general dumb gladiatorial action. The “bad feeling” line was terrible, worst of the series. And where did Padme get her fucking keys? 

Jedi save the day. 3. The Jedi look very hokey and stupid, to be honest, and they don’t look like very good fighters at the end of the day. Scores 3 for light sabers but otherwise it’s a 1 or 2 scene. What’s the end game here? Get surrounded and killed? Django vs. Mace Windu who cares. We get terrible Anakin and Padme cheesing, terrible C3PO humor, bad Jedi vs. Droids action, just all around shit. 

Clones save the day. 5.  Yoda arrives with clones to save the day. At least the plotline is somewhat nuanced - who is fighting who, who is good and who is not. This ambiguity is good. But nobody wanted to kill Dooku until he was already escaped? Sort of mediocre action. Soundtrack just sounds like the matrix. Why is yoda so into the fighting? He’s trying to protect the Republic, which he knows is eroded. The jedi sure fucked up.

Death Star Plans? 5. So having seen Rogue One, this doesn’t make any sense at all (continuity errors!) ... but the DS was actually a design from the Trade Federation, apparently? Not into this. George Lucas sucks and Dooku sucks. 

Dooku Chase. 7. God, I can’t wait for this to be over (the movie and the review). Padme falls out of the transport - OK. Obi-wan and Anakin argue and it’s good. Finally some good acting out of this guy. 

Dooku fight. 7-9. Notwithstanding that Dooku seems like a very unnecessary character, this climax is decent. Anakin’s an idiot apparently, and force lightning is apparently a big sith weapon. OK light saber fighting until double-lightsaber fighting, at which point it’s hard to follow the action. George is too busy focusing in on faces. And Yoda shows up. Huzzah. Fun to watch him with the light saber, maybe a bit too much spining around and Yoda ParkourTM, but why is he shouting? Aren’t Jedi supposed to stay calm? What happened to the Quigon meditation approach? Dooku esacpes. bleh. 

Dooku Sidious meeting. 8. It’s all going to plan, yes, yes. Who the fk is Lord Tyranus? Very good music. War has begun, cool. All to Sidious’s plan, no surprise. 

Yoda and Windu. 7.  "Victory you say? Not victory. The shroud of the dark side has fallen. Begun the clone war has." Meh. 

Clone Deploy. 9. The visuals of Star Destroyers lifting off and a huge army deploying is pretty cool. This is the highlight of this movie, which is sad. 

Secret Marriage on Naboo. 7. Very pretty shot, no dialogue is good, anakin has a fake arm, bad kissing. definitely not an “8″. 

Credits. 6. The tone of the ending music (traditional theme) is too upbeat. Should have taken a page (pre-emptively) from Rogue One’s book and used a quiet, somber theme. Gets there after a minute or so. Bleh. So glad this is over. 

VERDICT

Not memorable, not unique, and basically a handful of scenes could have done the job here instead of what felt like 5 hours of filler. Happy to forget this movie ever happened. It grades out on the histogram as mostly 7′s and an even distribution around 4 or 5, but really, the 7′s were often due to boredom or “meh” type scores. Very flat movie in experience, with only downside and very little upside. 

REVIEW LINKS:

Introduction: Star Wars, a rediscovery.

Rogue One: 6.92 / 10.00 (stdev 2.06).

Episode 4: A New Hope. 8.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.34).

Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back. 8.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.29).

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. 5.00 / 10.00 (stdev 2.08). But probably worse than that, actually.

Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. 5.48 / 10.00 (stdev 2.07).

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. 7.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.77).

Episode 6: Return of the Jedi. 7.90 / 10.00 (stdev 1.91).

Episode 7: The Force Awakens. 6.57 / 10.00 (stdev 2.01).

Episode 8: The Last Jedi. 6.31 / 10.00 (stdev 1.89).

Verdict: Star Wars, A rediscovery.

[alyn-vonnie]

Wander into this foreign place with me Into history we dig, the future we see Not to forget the worlds beyond reality Blowing minds upon every visit. 📷 taken @ John Ryland's Library. #Manchester #JohnRylandsLibrary #England #UK #trip #vacation #travel #its #a #freaking #library #gothic #architecture #looks #like #ancient #castle #interior #hallway #lit #up #even #during #daytime #because #of #them #stained #glass #windows #not #providing #enough #sunlight #but #zomg #those #designs

[ageless-aislynn]

I took a couple of weeks off from trying to finish that last level of Halo ODST, the Evil Incarnate known as Coastal Highway, because it was straight up frustrating me that I couldn’t find a strategy that would get me through it. I mean, come on, fam, I did a deathless run on Heroic in The Library! I did Two Betrayals on Legendary! I did frickin’ Gravemind on Legendary (I even got the frick frackin’ PAR TIME on Gravemind which was utter ridiculousness to do)! I beat the Prophet of Regret on Legendary even though it took me a week or so of trying. I managed to get the achievement where you have to kill every Elite on the level Keyes on Heroic and do you have any idea how many Elites HIDE on that level??? Did you know there’s a pair of Hunters in a back corridor fighting the Flood towards the end? Because I didn’t know that until I had to start searching all of the corridors on all of the levels, looking for Elites, and instead I found that battle going on. I even turned a random corner and found half a dozen Flood just standing there chillin’ like they were having a little brunch party with tea and tiny cucumber sandwiches or something, lol! 😱😂 They all turned and looked at me like “What? 🤷‍♀️” before they attacked, lol!

Anyway, point being, up until ODST’s Coastal Highway on Legendary, I’d managed to find a way to finally get through, even if it took a lot of tries. But CH being an escort mission where I swear Dare and Virgil die if somebody looks at them too much...

...and if you rush ahead to try and clear the path for them, then YOU die if somebody looks at you too much...

...nothing worked. There are 12 SECTIONS TO THAT HIGHWAY ZOMG. And the hardest one, where you get Banshees, Ghosts AND infantry all attacking you and your fragile escortee (word of the day 😛) but if you make it to the next “garage” you get the tank, you think, yay, I’m out of the woods! NOOOOOO, you get the tank but there’s no checkpoint. If you die before the tank makes it to the NEXT garage area, you go back and have to fight the Banshees et al in Gauss hog again! And you want to commit absolute murder.

That was the point where I threw my hands in the air and thought, yeah, I don’t think I can get this one. And I moved on to Reach and got all of the achievements I could for it (there are a bunch that turned out to be only for multiplayer, unfortunately 😕). But now I’m done with Reach for the most part and was sitting here recuperating from being sick and I thought, Hm, maybe somebody has some different tutorials or something out there that I missed on Youtube? And fam, I found one!!!

MythicTyrant has some different strategies than from some of the other tutorials I’ve seen but the main thing that made a difference to me was where he said to get through this mission, you have to achieve balance between protecting yourself and protecting Dare and Virgil in the Olifant. When you’re taking too much damage, hang back and bail out of the Warthog/Gauss hog and let Buck keep shooting on the turret (the ‘hogs are invincible when Buck is the only one in them because HE’S invincible). When the Olifant starts taking too much damage, push forward and again bail out and let them target Buck because he’ll be fine.

Fam. This was the strategy I needed to hear. I literally wrote notes down and propped them up in front of me so I could remember what was coming with the next section once I left each garage, which way I needed to go, whether to push forward immediately or hang back, etc.

And, finally, at loooooonnnnnngggg last...

... I made it! Once I got off that dang highway, the final battle was a piece of cake! (Ais’ Tip of the Day if you’re ever having trouble with the final fight: use the tank. It can’t go through the opening but you can push the abandoned car over, use it as a ramp and stick the front of the tank through. As long as it’s there, that’s breaking the barrier that otherwise won’t let you return. Then as the waves of enemies come in, retreat to the tank, back it up so that nobody can kill your precious and hide it part of the way in the tunnel where just the turret can shoot out the openings. Then BLAST ‘EM OFF THE PLANET. It works, frens! Oh and be sure to give Buck and Dare either rocket launchers or fuel rod guns before the fight begins. They are BOSS with those and will take out anybody who gets near them. Virgil will be safe and sound behind them.)

Mannnn, I’m so happy with this one! I mean, I’m happy with all of them but this one I had to really struggle and grind away for. Heh, all that work just to get a little banner to light up, lol. But, darn it, it’s MY little banner and it means something to me!

(I really need to make some more Halo GIFs, lol.)

Anyway, since getting sick derailed all of my plans, I didn’t get any more writing done like I’d hoped, so everything will now be folded into my NaNoWriMo, which will be starting on Nov 1. I’m not planning on starting Halo 3 until after NaNo, but instead will just go back and play CE, 2, Reach and ODST for fun now. Yay, I remember fun, lol! 😉

Love to you all and hope you’re all doing well. 💖

[ageless-aislynn]

Okay, frens, let me tell you... I remain stuck on my Legendary run of Halo ODST, Coastal Highway (the LAST LEVEL ZOMG) as I mentioned previously. In the meanwhile, I’ve been revisiting Halo: Combat Evolved just for fun. Yes, I’m literally saying that I played the quartet of levels The Library, Two Betrayals, Keyes and The Maw... for fun. And I actually did have a good time. I was playing on Easy with some of the fun skulls on, so that makes a big difference, of course. But still... the fact I can say I played The Library for fun kinda blows my mind when I think back to how much it intimidated me when I first got the MCC back in June.

(Then I also go and play The Silent Cartographer because that’s my favorite level on CE but that’s neither here nor there. 😉)

Anyway, I got to thinking about Halo 2 and how I tried Legendary way back when but got stuck in the first Hanger Bay on Cairo Station and never could advance. But that was early in my game playing and since then I’ve made it through CE on Legendary and have managed to get some difficult achievements (doing a deathless run on The Library on Heroic being one I’m super proud of) and have learned a lot of helpful strategies. So I decided to see if I could get out of the Hanger Bay.

Frens. I not only got out of the Hanger Bay, I finished Cairo Station. Then I finished Outskirts (I have a strategy to avoid the Jackal Snipers so that made a huge difference). Then Metropolis. Then The Arbiter. Then The Oracle. Then Delta Halo (another one I enjoy playing that has a lot of fun skips and tricks). Annnnnd I’ve made it all of the way to the boss battle at the end of Regret where I’ve been stuck since yesterday but!

That’s 6 completed levels and most of the 7th on Legendary for Halo 2! There are 6 tough levels ahead of me, Sacred Icon, Quarantine Zone, Gravemind, Uprising, High Charity and The Great Journey but I have some skips and tricks for a few of them so if I can just finish beating the snot out of the Prophet of Regret, I’m eager to try them out!

I’m just happy, what can I say? I can remember thinking I was never going to be able to play any of the Halo games because, well, I’m not good at games and I have some hand-eye coordination issues as well as a bit of a hand tremor. Those last two things are actually what’s causing the problem in the Regret boss battle: I can’t coordinate the jump onto Regret’s throne AND hit the command to board AND start meleeing him WHILE trying to avoid him shooting at me and watching out for the energy sword Elites two-hit killing me and the Grunts throwing plasma grenades at my shiny green Mjolnir butt. My successful strategies all involve being able to back away, to keep from getting mobbed on more than one side and to pick off enemies at a distance, none of which you can do in this boss battle (or, now that I think about it, on Coastal Highway, which no doubt is why I’m having such difficulty with it, too 😑).

Anyway, so it’s a big deal to me to have made it this far through CE (completed Easy, Normal, Heroic and Legendary), Halo 2 (completed Easy, Normal and Heroic), ODST (completed Easy, Normal and Heroic) and Reach (completed Easy but I’ll be trying to get at least Normal and Heroic if I can, I know that Legendary is a monster I’ll probably start if I can do the other levels but I’m not going to put pressure on myself to do it). I’m just so very happy to have done this well when I honestly thought I might not be able to complete any of them at all!

Anyway, here’s footage of me trying to finish the Regret boss battle:

Me: (muttering) Why... can’t I... just shoot you... from A DISTANCE? 😡😡😡

(Apologies to Chief for making him stand in for Regret in the above GIF. 😛)

Anyway, just wanted to share!

Now, me and Chief need to get back to some serious Covenant smackin’! Wish us luck! ⭐💖⭐