#Yuu is just verbally kicking everyone's ass

[emyluwinter]

How I adore when Yuu has a cheeky character and can put people in their place when they are not in the mood.

They may not have magic, but that doesn't mean they won't bite back.

"Muzzle" - * Wheezes* - Yuu be careful. And then they can ask Crewel if they completely go off the rails.

Lunchtime Disagreements

Yuu and Ace get along for some very specific reasons. Unfortunately for Riddle, he is about to find out one of the things they have in common.

(Yuu on the other hand, has had a rough week. They woke up and chose violence. They will not be apologizing.)

A/N: Hi :)

Rule number 271: One must leave the table within 15 minutes of completing their lunch

"Yeah that's not going to happen."

Every Heartslabyul student around their lunch table seems to freeze, anxiously watching red rise to their housewarden's cheeks. Yuu on the other hand settles deeper into their seat, the picture of indolence. Grimm, always down for mischief, hops onto the tabletop, moving the empty Ramshackle lunch trays to the side so he can comfortably turn into a cat loaf in the smack middle of everybody. He shoots a satisfied shit-eating grin up at Riddle Rosehearts, delighting in the frustrated expression on the young man's face.

"Excuse me?"

The Ramshackle prefect finishes off their burger, and then calmly turns to give Riddle Rosehearts their full attention.

"Thanks for the suggestion, but I'm good. Thanks but no." The prefect shoots the housewarden a polite smile before sipping on their carbonated beverage. The redhead blinked, thrown off by the other student's nonchalance of the subject.

"Suggestion... you can't just... the rules-"

"Are completely asinine, let alone inefficient and inapplicable to our current situation." They take another long sip of their drink while the older boy grows steadily redder.

"ASININE?!!"

"Mm-hmm" they hummed, bobbing their head in casual acknowledgment. Calmly setting down their drink, they raised their hand so they could count off for the Heartslybul Housewarden. "One, I am not a Heartslybul student. Therefore, your word is not my law."

Ace was trying very hard to hide his snickers at Riddle's grinding teeth. (He wasn't trying at all honestly but if anybody asks he's going to stick with his story thank you very much.)

"Two, this is not the Heartslybul dorm. There is no polite societal convention that demands I attempt to follow your dorm rules in the neutral territory that is the cafeteria."

Riddle now resembles a tomato, hair blending in with the color of his face. Deuce and Cater exchange nervous glances.

"Three, my next class is alchemy, and according to the time, the Alchemy Lab won't be open for at least 30 more minutes. So instead of staying here and, oh I don't know, getting ahead on my alchemy readings, you want me to leave. And do what, exactly?"

Trey was sweating in his seat. Tentatively, he reached out to the Ramshackle prefect, hoping to make this conversation just stop. "Hey, okay, I think you made your-"

"I'm not finished" they snapped, whipping around to glare at the Vice Warden's outstretched hand. When it dropped back to Trey's side, they turned back to the dorm leader. Riddle was seething, face so red that steam was quite literally going to rise from his face if someone poured water on him. And honestly, at this point, Yuu was kinda pissed too. So when Riddle opened his mouth to take advantage of the pause in their tirade, they stood up and crowded into his space, not willing to let this go until they said their piece.

"Your precious rules are more often than not completely senseless. Name me one benefit, one productive result, one good reason why rule 271 should be followed in every scenario, regardless of circumstance, and I'll take it all back."

They paused, to give Riddle a chance to rebuke them. They didn't pause longer than a second, but let the record show they did pause.

"You can't, can you? Because there are none. There is no good reason for your out-of-pocket rule. That's because it's an insane rule created by an insane woman."

"OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"

Students wearing rose-red armbands flinched in the courtyard, frantically searching for where their leader could be. It was a fearful response, fueled by the sheer anger they heard in his voice, but they were also curious about exactly what moron was capable of upsetting their mini tyrant so immensely. The Heartslybul students in the courtyard soon figured that since he wasn't in sight, Riddle must be tearing into someone still in the cafeteria. There was collective relief, but those students also sent up a collective prayer for the poor soul on the other side of their housewarden's unique magic.

Meanwhile, inside there's a flash where the freshman prefect was standing, bright light taking its time to dissipate from their silhouette. When it does, the cafeteria is silent, shock settling heavily in the atmosphere. Riddle, who had still been as red as his namesake, rapidly began to pale at the sight before him.

Yuu stretched their neck, with no collar on them to impede the motion. They slouched back into their seat, reaching over to begin petting Grimm behind his ears. The creature's body is forced to relax under the careful touches, his tense posture melting back into a content cat loaf. The prefect themselves are pretty content with the way this argument turned out, although... one last nail in the coffin couldn't hurt his ego any more than they already have.

"I don't have any magic Housewarden Rosehearts. 'Off With Your Head' is useless against me where there is nothing for your spell to contain. So if you want to effectively throw a tantrum next time I'm verbally kicking your ass..." Their eyes locked onto his stormy grey eyes, a small, conspiratorial smirk tugging at the corner of their lips.

"You're gonna need to turn that collar into a muzzle."

[howardlinkedin]

Debriefing (And Other Bad Jokes) Part 5

Part 4 here: X Summary: Link.exe is broken while the author once again enjoys making Lvellie look the fool. Things are a mite serious, featuring: Cross Marian with phone games.

“Kanda”

The other grunted. There was a sudden weight on his bare back, much to his frustration.

His very tired frustration. It was near one in the morning.

“Get off my back.” He tried to growl out and sound generally menacing, but due to the pillow under his face, Kanda only could garble out a very muffled “GETUFFMUBISH.”

Allen kissed his partner's neck, which soothed the other exactly half an ounce. “But I like your back. It’s a very good, strong back.”

Managing to lift is head an inch over the pillow so he could speak clearly, Kanda huffed. “What do you want? We have work in four hours.”

“Or, you could be like me and arrive two hours late.”

“Yes, but then I’d be you.”

Allen hummed and nosed Kanda’s mess of hair. “Good point. I do like you significantly more than myself.”

The bed shifted, and Allen found himself flipped over and under the other. The room become quite, only because the white haired officer had his mouth covered in a very heavy, languid kiss. All too soon it was over, and Kanda trapped him with his arms (and Allen also loved those arms, yes he did) and reburied his head into the pillow. “Shut the hell up and go to bed.”

Allen pouted, but let himself be trapped. “I’m going to tell everyone tomorrow that you like to be the little spoon.”

Kanda only made the accusation a fact by rolling into the other’s chest, tucking himself under Allen neck. He also shoved his hand over the pouting face. “I said sleep.”

---

At exactly five in the morning, Officer Yuu Kanda, with bags under his eyes and a scowl longer than usual, literally slammed himself down in his chair.

Said chair was catty-corner to Detective Inspector Howard Link, who also sported, if not deeper, shadows below his eyes.

The air practically crackled with sharp electricity the moment they made eye contact. It was ominous, foreboding, and anyone with enough self preservation would know not to get close.

Unless your name is Lenalee Lee, who has no fear over her fellow man, and is actually quite good at mitigating her coworkers nonsense.

“Both of you quit it!” By mitigating, this meant she would tap a clipboard over both of their heads and Frown with Disappointment at them. It wasn’t a hard tap intended to hurt, but a very heavy and pressing tap all the same.

Link felt like every divine presence in the universe just judged and found him wanting.

The female officer huffed at them, demanding. “Why are you both so grouchy this morning?”

Both men grunted, then glared at the other.

“Aww, Yuu, is shorty having insomnia again?” Lavi, who took that moment to plop and spin in his cubicle seat, pestered. Lenalee began to look worried for her white haired friend. “Is Allen alright Kanda? I heard about that homicide a few days ago.”

Kanda shoved his face into his fist and irately booted up his computer to work. “He’s fine. You know how he is, bullshit’s just gotten up in his worried head again.”

The tall red head in the room snapped his fingers and pointed at Link’s face. “Which is part your fault.” The detective, who’s frame was beginning to morph into that of a solid board the longer the current conversation continued, forced himself to look only up at the ceiling. “I am simply doing my job Bookman, which is what you too should be focusing on.” “Why is it Link’s fault?” Lenalee quired, her dark eyes boring into the side of the blonde’s face.

“He’s been investigating Allen.” The Profiler answered, all grins.

Link swore every emotion in the female officer’s face shut down and the silence that followed filled him with dread. One side of him, an overly happy Bookman who did not actually exude an aura of joy, and the other a very dark looking Kanda with the most razor sharp smile ever witnessed to mankind.

“Get fucked.” The dark haired officer mouthed.

---

“BROTHER!”

Commissioner Komui Lee’s door was surreptitiously flung open and cracked against the opposite wall.

It quite literally cracked.

Lenalee, light of his life, amazing officer of the Order, and darling baby sister dragged in a very disgruntled and frazzled Detective Inspector by his shirt collar.

She looked down right lethal, and Komui couldn’t be more proud.

“Why is Allen being investigated! What crime did he commit?” With each punctuation, Link was shaken vigorously.

With a sigh, Commissioner Lee gave Link a very tired look. “Really?”

Link sniffed indignantly. “I’ve already informed my superior of this compromise. He will contact you shortly to discuss how to proceed.”

At seeing how her brother knew exactly why Link was in their Order, Lenalee loomed over him, demanding answers. “Brother! What has Allen done!”

“Now Lenalee, it’s a difficult matter and-”

The sister set herself directly in front of the Commissioner Table and stared her brother (and boss, but at the moment it was neither here nor there, and Link made a mental note to explain to his superior how Lee most obviously plays favorites) down, refusing to be moved.

“Explain it to me.”

---

Let it be known to all that Lenalee Lee, for all her dainty appearance, was one of the most forceful and ruthless Officers in the Black Order.

She was also the resident Mother Bear to all who wore their uniform.

Unfortunately for Howard Link, he never got his uniform in the Order, and thus was not unanimously on the Approved List.

Also, apparently making Allen Walker’s life difficult sets someone high on Lenalee’s Shit List, and Link was doomed to never have his name erased by this point.

---

A loud chortol in the room interrupted the intense Lee Interrogation Session, and all who occupied it turned to stare at the couch near the right of the room.

Sitting like he owned the room, a mess of red hair and the cockiest facial expression Link had ever had the dismay to witness, was General Cross Marian.

“So this is the punk HQ sent to bother my pain in the ass child.” Cross chewed on the end of a lit cigarette, much to Komui’s ever disdain. “Please don’t smoke in my office General.”  

Cross only huffed smoke in the Commissioner’s direction.

Kanda, who was being a creepy shadow this entire drama, took a picture of the room and sent it to Allen.

That will get the beansprout here fast enough.

---

Needless to say, Komui’s office became a little more scrapped up than it actually never was, and he may need to get a new couch.

Allen, who had hijacked Kanda’s sword and stabbed it millimeters from the General’s arm through the couch, seethed.

The General looked unphased by this display of violence and took another drag of his nicotine. “Hello brat, miss me?” “About as much as I miss the flu. Where have you been!”

“So you did miss me.” The sound Walker made could only be described as verbal keyboard smashing. Kanda took his sword back and tossed his partner over his shoulder and left the room entirely.

“We’ll have a meeting in ten Kanda!” Their boss called out.

The officer grunted and kicked the door closed. It cracked more.  

Lenalee followed suit, dragging the ever growing irritated detective behind her. The door slammed and cracked some more.

Cross flicked the now dry cigarette in Komui’s direction. “That went well.”

“Oh shut up.”

---

It was Lavi’s turn to bring snacks to the lounge, which meant that Allen was very aggressively eating a bowl of trail mix and popcorn. Though, let it not be said that even when in a terrible mood, Allen Walker wasn’t kind, which was punctuated when he shared very generously with Aleister Crowley, another Officer and friend.

The meeting had called everyone in the Order to be present, thus the largest meeting room was used.

No one asked the reason for the usually calm and cheerful officer’s negative mood. What with a very obvious Cross Marian in the room - who many have never even met during their time at the Order, but only heard rumor of.

Miranda, sweetheart she was, offered Allen some candy. Suddenly the officer was all a-sparkle. “Yes please!”

At the head of the table, a throat cleared and all attention was drawn to it. Except Cross, who just took out his phone and began to play Candy Crush.

Standing beside the leader of the meeting, Howard Link glared at the General’s blatant act of insubordination.

---

Director Malcolm C. Lvellie, who essentially was in charge of overseeing all of the police stations in the Order, sat the table head. On one side, Link stood ramrod straight at attention, on other, Komui stood and looked like he’d rather be taking a nap under his desk than be in the room at this very moment.

Unlike Link, Komui knew his people. And he knew what kind of sordid drama was about to unfold.

God help his soul.

Sitting nearest the Commissioner was his sister, who’s look of contempt only intensified upon Lvellie’s arrival.

---

It was no mystery that Lenalee Lee also hated the Director with the intensity of one thousand suns, and she made it known in every way possible whenever the man paid their station a visit.

The rumor mill says that the man’s very image sends the female officer into a frenzy of baleful words.

When asked why, the only response given is a sharpe glare and, “What is there to even LIKE about him?”

Needless to say, not many actually try and venture for that piece of information.

---

“Greetings all,” The Director began, as though this were a social event. “I have asked Commissioner Lee to hold this meeting today to discuss some very important developments within our district.”

Holding out his hand to the detective at his side, Lvellie took the offered stack of files from Link.

“Allen Walker.” He addressed, flipping through the papers.

“Some months ago, it was you who apprehended the Noah, Tykki Mikk.”

Allen raised his eyebrows as if to say ‘yeah, and?’ But for the sake of being polite, he responds with a simple, “Yes.”  

“If I remember the report correctly, you were the one who was able to infiltrate and dismantle the entire compound in which Mikk was hiding away in. What was it called again?”

“The Ark.” Allen answered, curt.

---

The arrest of Tykki Mikk was a messy and dangerous one. For the entire time of Walker’s employment until his apprehension, the Noah was fixated on the officer.

It escalated when the criminal began leaving love letters on the doorstep of the Order, and bloody, gruesome gifts.

Then, one day, Lenalee was abducted in broad daylight to lure Allen out. It affected the Order fiercely, causing many who cared about their own to act together as the team no one knew they could be.

Lenalee was alive (a bruised, broken and exhausted mess, but alive), and Allen dragged a restrained Mikk away to the Maximum Security Penitentiary.

That was the short version anyway.

No one spoke of how Kanda laid waste to any physical obstacle in their way. No one asked why Lavi refused to smile for days.

No one mentioned how broken Lenalee’s legs had become.

No one went into detail how Miranda and her staff had cried over all of them at the damage done to their bodies.

And most of all, no one spoke of what Allen Walker had revealed that night.

---

“Yes, the Ark. This is also what you had been investigating, wasn’t it General Marian?” The Director glanced at Cross who swiped at his phone screen, uninterested. “Yes, yes, we all know this. I went undercover, managed to download a bunch of files, blah blah.”

“And it just so happened that you finished that assignment the very same night your subordinate managed to arrive and do your job for you.”

Allen left eye twitched at being associated as Cross’ underling.

“Yeah sure, let’s go with that.”  The General admissioned.

Commissioner Lee rolled his eyes and groaned. “Cross please.”

---

“My detective, Inspector Link, has been assigned to monitor and investigate Officer Walker due to the suspicious circumstances centering him during the Mikk Assignment.” Lvellie revealed, point blank.

“For years, even as someone as knowledgeable as Cross, the Order has been trying to take down even an inch of the Noah, and suddenly in one night, one of own was able to do just that. Now, many of you may be thinking that this should be a glorious feat, one awarded with fanfare and even a promotion.”

“I’d like a raise to be honest.” Quipped Walker, because he was a mouthy little shit in any circumstance. “Sir.” He tagged on at the end, to keep his facade of a polite gentleman.

Lavi snorted and Lenalee looked at him half amused, and half stressed.

Kanda...well Kanda was doing a very good impression of a gargoyle with how well he was silently ignoring everyone and everything at the moment.

Ignoring the white haired officer, the Director bulldozed on, obviously on an accusation high.

“Noah are notorious for their complicated security systems and hiding their locations. Yet the moment Miss Lee was taken, you knew exactly where to head. There was no warning or hint from Mikk as to where to find them. But you knew.

The question is Officer Walker, how did you know? And what did you do exactly to crash the Noah’s Ark system so easily?”

---

Lvellie may think he was fooling everyone in the room that he didn’t know what the Ark System was, but he wasn’t.

The Ark was known as the Noah’s mainframe of high end and custom security. It was where they housed their lead members of the Family, as well as any and all major finances. For years the Order has had been trying to crack into it, much less find a clue as to where it was located, but to no avail.

It was indeed suspicious that Walker was able to do it all so easily. (If one were to call the confrontation at the Ark “easy.”

It was a bloody mess, but Walker still knew where and when to step and how exactly to act to completely crash it all down.)

---

At the silent accusation of his character, Allen just looked at the director, unimpressed, and shoved a handful of corn kernels into his mouth. They crunched loudly and obnoxiously.

Kanda broke his statue like state so he could give his partner a withering stare, because that was just plain disgusting.

Aleister raised his hand, timidly. “Um, sir? Are you saying that Allen has an affiliation with the Noah?”

More crunching.

“That is exactly what I am saying Officer Crowley. If not, he may be a direct member!”

Miranda coughed into her hand, Lavi suddenly looked bored, and Cross let out a loud exclamation at reaching a new level of Candy Crush.

“Just, excuse me again sir.” Aleister interjected. “I thought this was all common knowledge.”

The crunch of the next particular handful of kernels was punctuatingly loud just then.

Director Lvellie became whiter than a sheet while Detective Link choked on his spit.

---

While the Order’s staff milled out of the room, Komui slid a document under his boss’ gobsmacked nose. “This is the Order of Immunity from Commander Hevlaska on the situation, Director.”

---

“She also states that Detective Inspector Link is to stay on the Order’s staff, since we still really do need a detective.”

---

Considering the Detective had originally come to the Order to investigate and ultimately catch Walker red-handed (no pun intended), to have it taken out right from under his feet was quite dizzying.

And mortifying.

Link felt very out of sorts at having, what many would call, his ‘thunder’ stolen.

In a daze, he opened the Document Room, to put all his hard researched files away once again, only to forcefully pause mid-step in the doorway.

Against three filing cases, a very half dressed Allen Walker was having his neck attacked by a shirtless Yuu Kanda.

“Oh.” Allen breathed, having noticed the detective, eyes bright. “Hello Detective, want to join us?”

Kanda stopped his ministrations to whip his head around, long dark hair fanning the air and then his lean, bare back to stare heavily and warningly at the blonde.

Link slammed the door closed, because okay naughty side of his brain, it was time to calm down now.

At his feet, Timcampy trotted up and sat down by the door, a squeak toy in his little doggy mouth.

Detective Inspector Howard Link worried for his sanity.