#You mean to tell me I'll never travel the globe with a group of friends I consider closer than family? | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kittlyns · 3 months ago

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It turns out that when you were a kid and you felt like the odd man out literally everywhere you went and you thought it would never change - even when the adults around you tell you that someday the right people will come along and fix that - you were actually right all along. It doesn't ever change and no one fixes it. You're out of place everywhere you go and being kind and vulnerable will not make them welcome you.

#I've put so much time into being kind and friendly and there were so many years I destroyed my boundaries and made myself #readily available for anyone at a moment's notice #I became a good listener and a good advice giver and a good gifter and I remembered birthdays and anniversaries #all to distract people from me. so they don't look too close. don't judge too harshly. don't hate me.#and it was all for nothing really.#I'm never going to get the companionship I dreamed of. That sort of thing was never meant to be mine.#but every goddamn day I sit with my life laid out in front of me and I can't help but think #I wanted more than this. It was supposed to be more than this!!#You mean to tell me I'll never travel the globe with a group of friends I consider closer than family?#have people whose souls are entwined with mine?? it's just going to be me with myself. forever and ever.#I shouldn't complain. I could do worse than my own company. but god does it get lonely sometimes.#I'm so tired of taking what little I can get. I'm starving for things I'll never have.

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