#You couldn't pay me a million dollars to work at that plant

[anyasathenaeum]

Hey! I love your writing! So I'm excited you're opening requests :)

How about for Vash, something along the lines of either reader or Vash is trying to work on something, but the other keeps distracting them with kisses?

A/N: OMG WAIT HI I LOVE YOUR WRITINGS TOO (SERIOUSLY)!!! I'm so sorry it took me so long to get to this - thank you so much for your request! It's super cute :') I decided to opt for cuddly Vash for this one so he's distracting the reader hehe

"(Y/NNNNN)!"

Vash's soft whine of your name made you giggle softly, but you continued your work steadily, not giving in to his attempts to distract you.

"I know, my love," you cooed back to him softly, "Just let me finish what I'm doing and then I can give you my full attention."

"B-But, what if I want your full attention now?"

The pout on Vash's lips and the way he pulled his puppy-dog eyes on you made you groan playfully, your heart fluttering slightly at how cute Vash was when he wanted you to pay attention to him. Despite being a wanted man with a bounty of 60 million double-dollars on his head, the "Humanoid Typhoon" had nothing but love and affection to give you.

You sighed dramatically, putting down the bag you had so carefully been packing and rearranging, before turning to face him as he lay on your shared bed for the night.

"Patience, Stampede. Or else, you'll get nothing at all," you scolded him, trying hard not to let yourself smile as you did so.

Vash simply let out another soft whine, his pout deepening as he sighed dramatically and covered his face with a pillow, letting out an exaggerated yet muffled cry of "My Mayfly doesn't love me!"

You scoffed quietly before letting out a small chuckle, "I love you very much, Vash. Just let me finish getting my stuff organized and then I will happily cuddle you until the suns rise tomorrow morning, okay?"

With that, you turned back around and continued to organize your bag, working in silence as you tried to focus. After a few minutes of peace, you faintly registered the sound of Vash shifting on the bed and then his footsteps coming up behind you. Without a word, you felt Vash wrap his arms around you from behind before feeling him resting his chin on top of your head.

You let out a small sigh, "You really couldn't wait?"

"How could I possibly wait to cuddle the love of my life when they're right in front of me?" Vash replied, and you could practically hear his smile.

"Alright, fine," you chuckled softly, glancing up at Vash, "I'll allow this. But don't push your luck, Stampede. I'll be done soon."

You could've sworn you heard Vash let out what sounded like a contented chirping noise, but you brushed it off as just being a plant thing. You felt him nestle himself against you, his head resting on top of yours as he hugged you tightly from behind.

However, even this didn't last long, because before long, you felt Vash gently beginning to press soft little kisses to the top of your head. He started with just one before nuzzling his nose into your hair, inhaling your familiar and comfort scent, but he couldn't stop himself at just one kiss. Shortly afterwards, you felt another gentle kiss being pressed to another part of your head, then another to your temple, and another to the nape of your neck that sent shivers down your spine. Each kiss was slow, with Vash taking his time and caressing your skin, showing just how much tenderness and love he felt towards you each time his lips pressed against you.

"Vaaaaaash!"

Now it was your turn to whine - the heat had risen to your face and you could feel your heart beating frantically in your chest at Vash's tender kisses. Despite having been with Vash for as long as you had been, he still somehow managed to fluster you with ease. But now, it had gotten to the point that you were so flustered that you couldn't focus on the task in front of you.

"What?" Vash cooed back, his tone light and teasing, his breath ghosting over your ear and sending shivers down your spine once again. "Something wrong, Mayfly?"

"Not fair!" You whined again, turning so you could look at him properly, pouting at him just as he had done so to you.

Vash couldn't help but let out a laugh at the sight of you pouting at him - how could somebody so adorable possibly be his? And yet, here you were, pouting at him in all your glory and making his heart swell from sheer love of you.

"I'm sorry, Mayfly," Vash whispered softly, smiling down at you almost wistfully, "I know I'm distracting you. I just... miss you whenever I'm not holding you. My arms miss you, my body misses you, my heart misses you."

"And now you're gonna make me cry," you replied, your voice shaking slightly as you took in his words. You had never felt more loved than you had when Vash was with you, and his words touched you in a way you hadn't expected them to.

"No... no tears, my love. They don't belong in your eyes."

You could feel Vash's fingers, both real and prosthetic, gently brushing over your cheeks before he cupped your face in his hands, tilting your face upwards to look at him. You would have melted into a puddle had it been physically possible from the warmth and love evident in his gaze. Suddenly, the fact that he had distracted you seemed to fall away, and you let go of your bag, instead opting to place your hands over his on your face, intertwining your fingers with his.

"I love you, Vash."

The words escaped you in a whisper, meant only for Vash to hear them. The moment they did, he leaned down and pressed a final, gentle kiss to your lips, holding you as close to him as possible.

As soon as he pulled away from you, Vash grinned playfully, "I love you, too, Mayfly. So, does this mean that you forgive me for distracting you?"

You pondered his words for a moment before answering with a smirk, pulling him back down, "If you give me another kiss, I might consider it."

[droewyn]

I mean, it's a set of federal, state, and local laws, yeah.

Say you own property, and you have a 200 year old oak tree on your property.

I hate your oak tree, because I am a nature-hating asshole. A pair of tree squirrels killed my parents or something, Iunno. I sneak onto your property in the dead of night, and chop down your tree.

You take me to court, and I am ordered to replace the tree. Here's the fun part. I am not allowed to simply plant an acorn and call it a day. I have to replace your 200 year old oak tree with ANOTHER 200 year old oak tree, I have to pay for any cleanup work required in clearing out the old stump and root system, and I also have to pay for any costs associated with planting the tree. Plus any fuck-around-and-find-out fines that may apply. I might wind up shelling out half a million US dollars because I couldn't keep my hatchet to myself.

Whoever breaks TREE LAW is capital-F Fucked.

I love how we got the introduction to TREE LAW a few weeks ago, when that story went viral on Twitter about the person whose neighbor illegally had all of their trees chopped down because they wanted a city view, so that we would understand what was happening when Universal thought it would be funny to deprive strikers of shade by "trimming" city-owned trees to the point of destruction.

This is an excellent example of organically teaching concepts without relying on tedious tutorials or forced, immersion-breaking expository cutscenes.

A++++ game design. 10/10, no notes.

[lucky-catttt]

Maxwell Lord’s Aphrodite - Pt 2

Summary: When Maxwell Lord’s world comes crashing down, you, his personal assistant bring him back from the pits of despair.

Pairings: Maxwell Lord x Reader (female), Maxwell Lord x You

Rating: Mature 18+ ONLY, NO MINORS ALLOWED TO READ.

Word Count: 3,885

Warnings: Prepare to put a towel down or go touch some grass after, either or LOL Mention of genitals, oral sex, squirting, face fucking, choking, names, foreplay, degradation, aftercare, BDSM, sexism/sexual harrassment.

A/N: This is my first fan-fic, so the writing might not be fantastic, but if you have any pointers/advice please tell me! I’ve also added images and gifs to help readers imagine the scenarios and reactions!

“So what kind of proposal were we thinking of that would save Black Gold corporation?” Max quizzes, leaning back against his chair. You pause to think while finishing your pastry. “Well” you begin “This space is huge, around 4,300 square feet. The lease Black Gold is renting this office floor has no major restrictions on it, so you could potentially sub-let the space on the floor for a monthly or fixed term lease to people who work remotely or teams that don’t want to commit to a larger office space. It's becoming more common because of the GFC, people can't commit to large long term leases for whole office floors anymore. You could also rent out the boardroom by the hour & also lease the private manager offices to businesses that want their own private room. And we already have a reception near the lifts, just re-hire them and make them pretend they work for all the businesses on the floor, answering their calls, doing admin work like scanning and faxing etc. As far as the business’s clients that show up are concerned, each business looks like they own the whole floor.

If we do a cost analysis and then get a small investor to cover the startup costs, we could guarantee them a return if businesses pay contract deposits or pay their lease in advance up front. Plus the landlord we owe money to. And with the top floor with amazing views and location, we can charge top dollar” Max stares at you in disbelief. “Wow, are you sure you don’t wanna be CEO?” He laughs, still in shock. You laugh, blushing. “I started working on a business proposal for one of my university assessments, if we customise it for this project we could pitch it to some investors and banks and speak to the landlord about it as well” You reply. “I could kiss you right now.” Maxwell sighs, gripping his fist. “Please do” you giggle, leaning towards him. Max reaches out both hands to cup your face, before planting a passionate kiss on your lips. “Well, I guess we have a lot of work to do!” Max yells, before striding towards the bathroom to take a shower. Two weeks go by and the proposal is ready. Max calls you from the company car, on the way to your house to pick you up before the big investors meeting. “I’ll be right outside your place in a few minutes my sweet” He coos, beaming with excitement to see you. As his car pulls up, you collect your compendium, presentation cards and your pointer rod. Struggling with all you have to carry, Alfred rushes out of the car and up the steps to the front door, collecting all of your belongings. 

Maxwell peers over the top of his shades but the sun from behind your house blinds him. He shuffles across the seat and opens the car door, the sun now hiding from his view. As he removes his shades and looks up the stairs towards your front door, he sees you standing there, fixing your outfit. He’s stunned. 

It might be 1984, but you’re wearing a stunning outfit pulled straight from the 50s. A black suit dress with a pleat in the front with a thin gold belt around your waist. You accented the look with strap Mary jane heels, a black and gold handbag and a neat beret fascinator. Your hair was curled, accentuated with bright red lipstick and a single set of pearl earrings.

Max looks like he’s about to drop to his knees in awe, but his knees bend into a lengthy stride up the stairs, rushing to your side. “A heavenly vision of beauty'' Max gasps, giving you a kiss on the cheek in an attempt to preserve your makeup. He puts out his arm and you wrap your hands around it, as he leads you down your stairs to the car, staring at you the whole time, letting the universe guide his steps as this absolute goddess graces his presence. You both slide into the back seat of Max’s company car, his large hand immediately passing along your back and resting on your hip and ass, pulling you as close to him as possible. “I dont know how this presentation is going to go, but I can be absolutely certain that myself and every other person in that room will be enraptured by your presence”. he murmurs into your neck, squeezing your ass.

Max was wearing a pinstripe royal blue suit with black laced oxfords. His matching tie and pocket square peeking out. “I would kiss you right now but i don't want to get lipstick on your face just before our meeting” you blush, rubbing your nose against his. “I know. We have all the time in the world after” Max replies, running his nose down your neck, breathing gently against your skin.

 “We should probably prepare for the meeting, Max” you chuckle, seeing the office building not far up the road. You pull out your compendium and flip to an architectural blueprint of the office floor. 

“I had this drawn up by an architectural drafter last week. As you can see the large blank space is your office and private room, you already have the glass frosted for privacy. All the other office cubicles will be converted to private offices, as well as boardrooms, co-working areas and remote working hot spots.” Max’s eyes widen with surprise at the level of detail. “How did you get this done? I certainly don't remember commissioning this'' rubbing his chin. “I paid for it” you respond, nonchalantly. “You spent your money, for me?” Max inquires, now in disbelief. “Of course. I told you I would help you, Max. Consider it an investment”. You wink, flipping through more pages of the presentation. Just when Max thought he couldn't fall more in love with you than he already has, your hard work and giving nature makes his heart swell even larger to make room. After a few minutes the car pulls up to the investor’s office building. “Before we go in there, I want to ask you something.” Your eyes widen with intrigue. “While we're there, I’m not sure how these businessmen will react to a woman being anything more than my personal assistant. I’m not intimidated by you at all, but I suspect some of them might be” He continues, his eyes falling to your lap as he holds your hands. “Max, this project is my dream, but it’s your company, so i’m giving it to you to present. You’re the only person I trust with this”. 

As Maxwell begins to get himself together, you take a seat adjacent to where Max is standing. Although your knees are together with one ankle behind the other, you can feel some of the businessmen closest to you looking you up and down like a piece of meat. You quickly turn to face Max, giving him your undivided attention. “Well, I know you’re all very busy, so lets get started” Max smiles, wringing his palms together. The businessmen listen intently to Max’s pitch for the restructure of Black Gold corporation, before they begin to ask questions on financials. You begin to notice the men losing interest and Max starting to lose his confidence. He looks at you, his expression half pleading and half embarrassed. Without any hesitation, you stand up from your chair, striding over to Max’s side, picking up the pointing rod from the easel and pulling it to full length with one swift pull. 

The men all sit upright at attention from the sound of the rod. “If I may, Maxwell” you butt in, politely. “Gentleman” You steady the pointer rod against the chart on the easel “the profit figures on the project are as follows; 36 external view offices, charged at $3,000 per month each, generating $108,000 gross profit. The 25 internal offices with no view will be $500 per month, generating $12,500. We also have hot-desks with memberships starting at $20 per month. If companies want us to answer their phones, do their mail, bring them coffee, do their shopping, take their dry-cleaning, walk their dogs or bring them lunch, that's an additional fee. Essentially, we are looking at a monthly profit turnover of $150,000+. Our current lease fee is $50,000 a month with about $15,000 in body corporate and utilities, leaving $85,000 per month net profit, $225 thousand per quarter and over a million annually. We currently are looking for a combined setup cost of around $500,000. The more you invest, the bigger your return.” You swing the pointer road and rest it on your shoulder. 

Silence fills the room and you panic. Your assertiveness may have turned them off, so you pretend to be ditzy and dip one of your feet inwards. The men who are all sitting up at attention, look between each other and nod. Your charm and business acumen seemed to have put them under some kind of spell. “Thanks for your time gentleman. If you have any questions please feel free to call” you finish, walking around to hand each of them Max’s business card. The men begin to chat amongst themselves, before one of them approaches Maxwell. They introduce themselves and begin chatting about the pitch “You should be very proud of your assistant Maxwell” they chuckle “she seems very switched on and driven”. Max shoots you a smiling glance, before turning back “Yeah, I’m actually going to make her the CFO” he responds. “Well, we’ll deliberate here and be back in touch with our offer”. The meeting finally wraps up and you both head back downstairs where Alfred is waiting with the car door already open. You both slide inside and Max wraps his arms around you before passionately kissing your lips as the car drives back to his office.

“You want to make me the.. CFO?” you pant, breaking from the kiss. “Yes” Max smiles, staring into your eyes. “You have worked so hard and today at the presentation..I know you’re the woman for the job. Do you want it?” You blush, holding his face “Well how can I say no?”. The company car finally pulls up back at the office and you both head through the lobby and into the lift. Max stands behind you with his arms wrapped around you and his head on your shoulder, talking about the enormous amount of work that will potentially need to be done if this deal goes through. As the lift doors open into the reception area, you both step out and Max hears the phone in his office start to ring. You give him an excited smile, encouraging him to go take the call in private. He begins striding through the empty office before making it to his office, pushing the doors open and heading over to his desk.

You take your time walking back to his office, giving Max time to finish his phone call. As you approach his office doors, you hear the click of the receiver as he hangs up. You watch Max’s shadow behind the frosted glass walk up to the doors and swing them open, a neutral look on his face. You look puzzled, thinking it was bad news before he burst out laughing with a smile, swinging you over his shoulder and carrying you to his bedroom. “You did it baby!” He yells, slapping your backside before throwing you both down onto the bed. “We did!?” you scream, a wave of relief and excitement washing over you. “Yes! I’m so proud of you. You saved Black Gold corporation. You saved me.” Max smiles, brushing a lock of curls away from your face before cupping your cheek and passionately kissing you. 

You kick off your shoes, belt and take off your beret fascinator as Max removes his suit jacket, suspenders and belt, before kissing each other again. “I was so turned on by you today” Max moans, writhing his hands all over your body, before ripping the bust of your dress open, the two buttons pinging off onto the carpet. “Watching your voluptuous ass in that dress walking into that boardroom and how you commanded the room’s attention, took control and sealed the deal. I wanted to put you over that boardroom table and worship you like the goddess you are. But I guess I can do that now”. Something about wearing your favourite suit of his, the unwavering progressive support of women and eagerness to pleasure you unlocks your most ravenous sexual desires. You stop Max, sitting up at the foot of the bed. He gets up from laying down and looks at you, worried he said or did something wrong. “Whats wrong my love?” he asks, looking concerned. ****MAJOR SMUT WARNING AHEAD**** “Max… you’ve shown me the romantic love making version which was so beautiful, but I want to make you feel worshipped” Max gives you an interesting glance. “You’re such a giving person but I want to give back. You’ve suffered neglect and mistreatment most of your life. I want to give you a different kind of passionate sex. I have fantasies and wild ideas that I think will give you immense pleasure. I want you to….” You stop yourself, not sure how he will react. Max's eyes widened with intrigue. “Go on?” Max squeezes your hand. “Well” you begin. The passionate fire is burning hotter and hotter within you. “I want you…” you hitch up your skirt and sit across Max’s lap, with one leg over each side “to straddle my chest and fuck my throat while I rub my clit” you get closer to Max’s face, pulling on his tie “And I want to cum while you’re throat fucking and choking me with your cock” you begin to undo his tie “And then I want you to cum in the back of my throat and make me swallow it”. There’s dead silence, so you bat your eyelash extensions, throwing a sexy yet innocent gaze followed by “hmmm?”. Max’s mind goes completely blank, the blood rushing from every inch of his body straight to his cock, which you feel hardened against your crotch as you straddle him. “Uhh wow honey that sounds very dangerous.” Max chokes, embarrassed he's getting turned on at the idea of hurting you. 

“For you or me?” You giggle, biting your lip. “For you” Max says, wrapping his arms around you. “Are you sure that’s something you want me to do to you Hermosa?”. “Yes Maxwell. I love the way you worship and pleasure me, but I want you to feel the same way. I have a kink when it comes to being dominated. Seeing my man so turned on and using his strength and body to please himself using me, makes me feel incredible. I know you would never hurt me, it’s something I would love for you to experience” You answer before kissing his neck. “You really are too good to me, princessa” Max sighs, running his hands down your back to your ass, squeezing both cheeks. “Of course, we don’t have to if you don’t want to, Max” you give him a reassuring look, worried you might have overstepped. “No baby, I’d love to, if that’s what will bring you the most pleasure” He coos, kissing your neck.

You begin to take off your dress, revealing under a black and gold laced lingerie set. “Black and Gold” you chuckle, watching Max’s eyes widen at the level of detail. “How did I get so lucky?” Max pants, pulling off his shirt and pants, leaving his boxers to contain his rock hard cock. You go to reach for Max’s crotch when his hand stops you. “Before we do this” Max begins “I want you to stop me at any time if it hurts or you can’t breathe or you just don’t want to do it anymore. That is the most important thing to me”. You nod and smile at Max, leaning in to kiss him, before your hands start to remove his boxers.

You reach down and begin to tease his cock, tracing your fingers tips against the tip. With your other hand you guide Max’s hand down, placing it at the top of your panties. As he starts to put his hands under your panties, he notices there’s a hole in them. Max stops to inspect. “Crotchless panties? Me vuelves loco” Max pants before he begin kissing and biting all over your body.

You’re in for it now. Like a virus, you’ve taken over Max’s brain, flooding it with animalistic desire and passion. A switch has been flipped and hell bent on blowing your mind, leaving all of his inhibitions and reservations about what he’s about to do to you at the door. Max climbs on top of you, wrapping his large hand around your throat, gently squeezing as you gasp for air. “Is this what you want?” He growls into your ear, nibbling on your earlobe before kissing down your neck. You manage to nod before moaning, indicating that you’re enjoying it. He’s never treated a woman like this before, but he manages to find the personality and words seemingly from thin air, like it was repressed all this time. “Start touching yourself for me now” Max commands. You slide your hand down into your panties and start rubbing your clit, sparks flying through your body and the slick now leaking out of your pussy. He groans at the sight of you touching yourself. Max moves up the bed before straddling over your chest. With your head propped up on some pillows, you look in Max’s eyes and ready your mouth and jaw for his throbbing cock. Max thumbs your bottom lip before grabbing just under your jaw to keep your face steady. “Open wide like the good little whore that you are” he hisses, smacking the tip of his precum soaked cock on your face.

The degrading name only makes you wetter, as you furiously rub your clitoris whilst pinned under Max’s legs. You moan as Max pushes his cock into your mouth and down your throat. “Oh my god my love your mouth feels incredible” Max moans, his character from before severely altered by the pleasurable sensation. He realises his mistake and compensates by pushing his cock as far as it will fit into your mouth and throat. “That’s it, take it all” he smirks, exhaling with a moan. You use two fingers to scoop up some of your slick and rub it into your clitoris, which is now super sensitive. Your stifled moans humming against Max’s veiny cock cause it to twitch. With your hips bucking from pleasuring yourself, Max takes both of his hands and puts them on your cheeks. “Fuck your mouth feels so good” Max moans, slowly thrusting back and forth out of your mouth, his cock touching your uvula and causing you to gag with each stroke. Your eyes begin to roll back in your skull as you continue to moan & choke, your swollen clitoris edging closer and closer to orgasm. “You like this huh? You like it when Daddy fills your throat up and fucks it?” Max hisses, wrapping your hair in between his fingers, gripping hard as his thrusts gain more momentum. Thick strings of spit is now spilling out of your mouth, down your chin and onto your breasts. “You look

The taste of Max’s precum coating the back of your tongue. You’re fighting to contain your orgasm but Max’s cock and brutal punishing words are sending you dangerously close to the edge. “Mmmmm, mmmmm!” You choke, tears welling in your eyes as you’re trying to nod and send Max a pleasured innocent gaze, driving him wild. You concentrate on breathing through your nose, each time Max’s cock leaves the back of your throat for a split second, giving you enough time to take in air. You decide to start moving your flattened tongue against the shaft, rubbing against the tip as it passes back and forth. Max let’s out a groan “You’re such a good little putá for papá”. There’s no holding back now, you increase your moans to signal that you’re on the precipice of an orgasm. “Cum for me” Max hisses, continuing the ecstasy inducing tempo of thrusts into your mouth and throat. You continue to rub your clit and gesture for Max to keep his cock still inside your mouth and throat for this moment, riding the crashing wave of your orgasm, squirting furiously onto your legs and sheets below. The writhing and shaking of your body underneath him, the sound of your squirting and muffled cries and moans from behind his cock is too much and brings him closer much faster than he ever anticipated. The eye-watering sensation causes the tears to flow down your cheeks, causing your mascara to run.

As your orgasm begins to subside you gesture for Max to continue thrusting, which he does as he moves his large hands to cup your face. “That felt fucking amazing” Max moans, continuing his fast and hard strokes. Your gaze, burning with passion and framed within smudged running eyeliner locks with Max’s, his domineering yet still showing affection. “I’m gonna cum” Max pants, keeping the pace as his grip on your face grows tighter. “Fuckkkk!!!” He shouts, holding your head still as he holds one final thrust as far in as it will go. Your eyes roll back into your head again as you feel the warm thick ropes of cum spurt onto the back of your throat. It was lucky you had taken a large enough breath before that moment, enough to sustain you for the few seconds Max held his cock still inside your mouth, throbbing and pulsing as he moans and shudders, cursing in Spanish. Coming back to reality, Max immediately pulls his softening cock from your mouth and wraps his large hands on the top and bottom of your face, closing your jaw shut. “Now Swallow” he commands, bending down so that his face inches from yours. With a cheeky gaze you oblige and swallow the remains of his cum tangled in your throat, before opening your jaw to allow him to inspect if there was any left. “My good little leche putá” he whispers, before spitting in your wide open mouth.

As if like breaking character on a movie set, Max immediately reverts back to his original self, climbing off to the side to lay next to you. “Was that good for you my love? How do you feel?” Max asks, worried he’s harmed your physical and mental state. “Incredible” you pant, smiling, lying in a pool of your own squirt. Breathing a sigh of relief, Max quickly brings up the blankets to cover you both, embracing you and peppering your spit, mascara and tear soaked face with kisses. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?” Max quizzes, checking your chest and throat over. “No” you reply, your throat somewhat hoarse. “Okay good. I love you so much” Max sighs, brushing your hair out of your face and kissing your forehead. “I love you too, Max”.

————————

I got impatient and wanted to post it now so I guess this chapter is finished 💀

@anaaaispunk @mandoalorian @pintsizemama

[the-firebird69]

Really huge number of things to complain about about you is one of them is the marks in the floor from the chair the other are footprints and the dirt and he's just has a massive number of shoes out there the bugs can crawl anything used to have like a thing furniture doesn't have any money so he's not going to do it yes it is he's not spending it he's not earning he's just sitting there it's going to make it easy for you to people understand he pays a decent amount of rent it's a decent place they're doing their job and really remarkably hard circumstances but it seems to be going along with Max plan which is crap he wants to treat our son like crap and that's what he's doing so going after him and Sherry is very pissed filed report with Stan. She noted on it that it's quiet next to her very quiet couldn't even hear a TV or anything and saw someone moving and then not moving and couldn't even figure out what he's doing because so quiet and listen for a little and then figured out something there's something wrong here I don't really care but it's good to know and it's a visual and we need to but this guy is an a****** and nobody can stand him so she said that a bunch found the report slept a little so this place is exhausting I don't get enough air you have to get up at like 7:00 a.m. to 9:00 a.m. and the dude creates oxygen and then the oxygen heats up and goes up this she said wow that's interesting evening but those bugs out. What is the thing about the plants and tells you should get a bunch so it's kind of bugs in them you have to spray for bugs and the poisons like a trade off so then she said I don't know how to do all that Stan does it's a pain in the ass and you kind of did this bog and I think coconut water is secure but it makes you a little loose she knows why has a lot of magnesium so they're going to do that oh maybe you can eat like coconut not coconut water and so she got something it's different so she's going to get a coconut later on she's eating it she goes wow it's methane it makes me feel angry and it's helpful but she got really mad I want him to feel better about the place and I want that sewer capped off and he goes okay so he's going to do that and his death muscles too she likes coming here two bags of dirt it was okay that's good and maybe like something... So they're feeling a little better and then it's like other stuff came up and then they went back to it and they said going back to it's good and they looked at it and said this guy is a menace he's doing the same thing he was so they wrote papers to evict him and the process is beginning tomorrow and he's going to be mad and say that she did it and throw a fit and she might be the one from resident evil cuz she's running the place and that's power. Just realized something she's making clothes they're making clothes on her and she's the identical twin of Queen Elizabeth so it's a plot but how does it work and he said that use robot race now everybody's interested

He thinks them for the personal interest in helping her for correcting the the strange attempt and hopes that they see that this is much more valuable and what they're doing then what other people are doing and maybe other people will do other stuff and not always be stinkers there's a lot of stuff to do and it's out there on vitals notes that I made it here they can all help get me stuff and be personally responsible there's a lot of it it's my own so you can have a million dollars it might not move out because it's so hard to find a place here everybody says it Max says it he said that too if that's fixed and he's out I have a situation where I'm not in this complex where I have to feel every single bump and bruise and Trump and the idiots come in and then Trump's leave and I can't maintain a house they like it I mean if I got like 10 million dollars... But there's a lot of small change out there tons of it and all of it is important in Ellie is living on fumes on $25 a year plus a couple gifts it's true too she's kind of dumped a lot of the other stuff most of it became it like someone evil with the hospital probably just balances almost we get to keep an eye on her just trying to get that so worked out pretty good

Thor Freya

I like what happened today the follow-up was real good and him cleaning everything finally it's been only probably 5 days everyone says it too cuz I like once a week now he has that new room it's his design and they took him for a ride and he's mad about it he's helping out people so we're going to make our own design make it a little better I said the plastic is a little crazy you push down on it feels like you're going to move sideways or something and you can't get it to squeeze it out it kind of squeezing just by pushing people notice it but it's not a bad design it works for a while to the plastic bags it's fell over on me already so change it will say it's ours and we'll sue them at the same time because it starts trying to sue us I pursue that and I got kit Kat going at least in our factories we made a ton of them and kind of nestle bars and we're invited Mac and his friends family to a kit Kat and nestlé bar tasting they need certain things with it and they eat them and they go in concert with chocolate to keep it from pooping and my husband said that's fine and not Sun okay that you can eat bread and some people do that's like an emergency one soon a bunch of bread nice pieces of bread and they usually eat some kind of cookie this doesn't help but now I was with and some things that bind but it doesn't make you poop that much it's just that they might eat a lot of it so he said this dumb idea have like a nestlé fountain and have like a kit Kat phone and you can take these bars that are bigger with the same wafer material ingredients and put them under the floor and eat them when they're still hot and you can chill the bar and take it from a chilled area there's a lot of people that think he's crazy but these things are fun for people especially us it's not enough and so here you have a little commercial area so you can snap into a kit Kat or break into a kit Kat and Nestle crunch doesn't make any noise when you're eating it it doesn't seem like you it would either he's thinking an elevator commercial and you just leave jam the door open and they can not be paranoid and they're eating the Nestle candy bar and it's crunch and you know Nestle crunch it makes a certain noise and you show me eating it it's going mmmmm. In the bar doesn't make noise so a lot of people like the add idea.... Then another one you can show a guy walking down the street and from like one of your video game perspectives it's like a first person and it's going oh Nestle bar and he opens it up so the end showing like most people do in commercials and so I'm looking around, says what to dip it in and then they show a bite out of the candy bar or a healthy one and says, nothing" then it shows another bite out of it he's walking on a busy street like New York City or in this case would probably be in Miami won't be in the day I will be I'm trying to arrange it... It's kind of a full part it's like a joke on Hershey bars and things like that it's already has something in it and makes it taste great is that the crunch part which is rice it's puffed rice and it really has a very unique flavor it's very tasty and it helps you keep from pooping.

So far they like the commercials and they want to send a stipend and we agree father and mother agree too okay Thor and Freya are saying it it kind of cracking up cuz the bar tastes pretty good it's kind of a fan of it it's a Chinese idea in a Chinese candy bar you got ads for Japan and Thailand and Taiwan and the Philippines now his beau long used to do the Nestle, you show a Chinese guy and they're outside and they're offering him like a free candy bar and it says like way used to no no no thank you thank you and yes come on try it because it's like a Chinese candy bar and he bites it out of it and he says and he goes this from here and that's another one then that's the end of the commercial so it's kind of funny and then the Americans are trying to get the ad over here show it's a Chinese candy bar.

So we talked a little not much and some great ideas and so the commercials are pretty good I got a commercial idea for it you're driving in his expensive sports car what's the idea women love it he says I'm driving here and we should probably not eat and drive and she goes that's okay we can just eat it up the candy bars and say mmm good, and they finish up and then they have to get rid of the wrappers so looking around and they don't want to put it down so they start licking the wrapper inside now we have to pull over and they dump it out they go get more...lol. it's kind of a psychological mind better and everyone goes through it like every day and it's kind of like splurging cuz people have you do it it's kind of funny we'll have someone do it and see what I'm sorry it's like when they do it a mental hospital and here in punta Gorda just hold the rapper.

I'm having a great day this is fun I just fun it's very weird and it's psychological it really is for ladies. And they love it and we hear pink this our stuff.

Hera

Zues

I like the last commercial idea so I'm going to invest in it and I know how to do that and the candy bar is going to sell like madness everyone's asking for it... It makes very little noise and that used to be the commercial and he says it's still pretty good because in your mouth it makes a crunch and it's interesting in The taste spreads around because it's got some hollows and that what chocolate the air is allowed to aerate a little and it taste buds work better I know some saying that before so I got to commercial add and show someone eating it like me looking at it saying what is this and you hear this crunch crunch and there's somebody next to you eating like crackers and eat another bite and say oh it tastes good and his crunching again and she looks over and says could you stop that I'm trying to enjoy this chocolate takes another bite that's the end of the commercial

Lori

I like them as a matter of fact we'll start a competition now and people can submit their commercials and she says Sarah has to do his and QE is going to do hers and women love chocolate it's got magnesium and calcium vitamin d and a little bit of a antidepressant oh boy that's a good candy bar I can't believe it went out either but I'm the one who shut it down cuz it stop selling and this idiots went and ruined it what a nice idea of chocolate party for Nestle was candy was a good he says it's on par with hershey's almonds. It's very tasty as a different taste he said the last sentence

I'm going to open it up now and go ahead with the deal and see how he treats the chocolate it's revered and it's nice and they do less sugar in different sugar by the way it tastes better sweeter so you don't have to use as much as much healthier who wants to get one. It will show added sugar but only like 2 grams that's not much

Mac

[catofgooddecisions]

Sad to return to tumblr and find that my all-time favorite internet celebrity is gone. Kaiju and her hooman introduced me to the fascinating field of reptile intelligence, and made me rethink the popular concept of mammals and birds being the only animals capable of bonding with us. In fact, over the years I've come to rethink the notion of animal "intelligence" entirely, and realized that all creatures are more than capable of living fully-present, realized existences; they're just perhaps lucky enough to have very little in common with our own.

Kaiju was a selfless ambassador to many topics that conservationalists and biologists alike find difficult to broach with the public. She was a regal figure and mainstay of my Tumblr feed on my original account. And as a homegrown Floridian and herp lover, I was absolutely enamored with the idea that a wild-caught tegu was taken from here and told not to return, then could be so gracious as to give humans another chance at her trust. We've done hers' and so many other species wrong here in Florida (even though I'm in New Hampshire now). I grew up watching green anoles disappear, pythons increasingly dominating headlines, and non-native plants spilling out from the manicured lawns of half-million-dollar McMansions. I was a nature kid. All these things made me furious (I was also very annoying to my friends who had outdoor cats).

Meeting Kaiju on Tumblr was like seeing her swing her big, beautiful lizard snout at me and say, "Hey, don't blame us! You guys were the ones who gave us a ride over then told us we couldn't stay! You hoomans can't make up your minds about anything!" And she was right! I started paying more attention to legislation; I watched as our state's political climate began affecting our global one with mounting dread. I had to leave FL because new health issues were getting triggered by the intense heat. Me. Who grew up in the damn state. So I arrived in New England and resolved to not let the same thing happen here. I started volunteering at Mass Audubon and I'm training as a nature guide at one of their conservation centers. And I am absolutely thrilled to say that this August is my first time back at school since dropping out of college in 2016. My goal is to leave there with a sustainability sciences degree, with a focus on public policy/education. If I'm really froggy I might leap for a philosophy minor while I'm at it.

Conservation conversations have gotten so complex over the years. Even within our circles we can't agree with each other on certain very important things. I truly believe that there's something we can all learn from working with animals unlike ourselves. Charismatic figures like Kaiju and Jima don't just start conversations within communities, but also within ourselves. A wonderful type of alchemy is started when you look into an animal's eyes and see the world reflected back. I like to think that it's similar to the effect that seeing planet Earth has on astronauts and now "space tourists", where they frequently come back with new radical perspectives on humanity and our place in the universe.

I leave my discord open to DMs because I like meeting new people, but I ask anyone messaging me for the first time to include a lizard question so I know that they're not a bot. It's fun! Most of the time they ask me what my favorite lizard is. For years whenever I thought of reptiles I thought of Kaiju the tegu, and her gorgeous lizard snoot. I'll be thinking of her for a very long time, @kaijutegu. Thank you so, so, so very much for letting us meet her. She changed more lives than one, though you probably already know that. But I just wanted to give my belated condolences and share my personal anecdotes on the effect your work with her had on my life. Even if the answer to my favorite lizard is usually anole (once a swamp creature, always a swamp creature).

Thank you Kaiju. And thank you, Kaiju's human. The hole left by her absence is outsized only by the enormity of her presence. Only if all of us could live life like she taught us to. Be like lizard. Eat bug. Give hoomans a chance. They may not have scales or be ectothermic, but studies find that they may be capable of more complex intelligence than formerly believed.

Today was supposed to be Kaiju's birthday. Her tenth year with me and what was presumed to be her 11th birthday. (However, upon necropsy, the vet determined through bone density and ontogenic changes/suture fusion she was likely significantly older- closer to 16/17 than 10, like I thought. She really was a tiny thing, so petite.)

Instead, it's not. I still had her party, and Nakajima ate her treats with gusto. But I realized- I never shared her memorials here, and I thought you'd like to see them.

I had some of her ashes made into palm stones, and some of them made into a necklace that I always wear unless I'm sleeping, swimming, or doing something really sweaty and anything around my neck would be uncomfortable.

I still have a ton of then- eleven pounds of lizard makes a lot of ashes. I've been scattering them in small amounts at places she loved- my parents' creek and the pool area, Kankakee Sands, the grounds of the Nature Museum where we had Junior Herpers meetings. The park where we walked. School. I'd like to scatter some in Homestead, where she was born- just a cheeky thing, since she was legally barred from ever returning.

I'm sad, and I'll always miss her. She couldn't possibly have known how big a difference she'd make in my life. When I opened that box all those years ago, I had no idea what was about to happen. I wouldn't have met two of my best human friends without her. I wouldn't have gotten as involved with herp society without her. And my work there has helped me find meaning when my job and degree have not. She gave me the courage and confidence to push myself way outside of my comfort zone. She taught me so much about the value of taking risks and opening your heart. I know how overdramatic I sound, but she really was my world. And in some way I really do think she's with me, helping me raise Nakajima and encourage her to be just as curious and just as sweet. Like I said, I'm sad, but... there are a lot of experiences in my life I regret. A ton of relationships I wish I could go back and just undo. But not this one. I regret nothing and every minute I had with her was worth it.

Anyways. Just thought you'd like to see the memorials. Tune in in a few minutes to see Nakajima absolutely obliterating some delicious treats.