#Yeah - I'm the missing link of this illusion : mother

[stxrblccd]

.:* tag dump *:.

[stxrblccd]

"I believe so... The reason I know Meryl is because of Vash and Wolfwood, so I would assume she would know more." Maybe it was time to write to her. She would have an entire other side to the story.

"We met after, yes. About... Oh goodness, maybe three years ago? Could be longer, there's... a lot that has happened." Dying and killing for each other, sharing knowledge, and all somehow coalescing into marriage and kids. It's been a busy few years.

"But it's also because I met him after that I'm a bit more lost on the exact details, and since it had been some time, it hadn't come up until recently. Nai has changed, there was no real reason to divulge all of that. He's no less to me knowing than he was being oblivious to it." Luca gags softly behind them at his mom's blatant fawning over his father.

"Maybe." Perhaps he'd used it to send her away. So there'd likely been a fight for the cube here too. "I assume you met Knives after Julai so you don't know much about that right? Like, what actually happened in the city?"

She'd have to ask the native Meryl here perhaps.

"Your Meryl probably knows, they're close right? She would have been there." Unless things were wildly different.

[canmom]

I'm glad to see I'm not the only one who's like trying to move away from "male/female" in biology and is just trying to describe the dimorphism by reproductive role without assuming that role needs to be gendered

yeah, it may seem kinda futile because like, we have literally all the literature to face up to lol, and like you’ll get people saying ‘“male” and “female” in biology are technical terms referring to the behaviour of gametes, they’re nothing to do with Gender’ but seeing just how many assumptions and perceptions get smuggled in through those words I’d like to avoid them, to the extent I can.

there’s an interesting paper that I unfortunately no longer have the link to, that looked at the different language used to describe the process of conception in human biology textbookss - the way active, masculine verbs are used for the sperm, passive ones for the egg etc. and how this obscured actual important parts of the egg’s role in the process for hundreds of years.

or alternatively like, I know a nature documentary isn’t a scientific paper, but the way you hear the presenter - David Attenborough, say - project gender onto animals is so striking! over and over we see the plucky male competing to win the affections of the discerning female, the mother defending her children, like the different animals come and go but there’s only a handful of ‘stories’ they tell with it.

(and like, on that note, of course it’s not news that in nature docs, the ‘action’ is edited together from probably multiple days of shooting, the animals may not even be the same individuals from shot to shot, the audio is almost certainly dubbed in... all defensible as practical necessity but it’s fascinating how they try to tell a story of ‘scientific truth’ by deliberately obscuring the more direct ‘truth’ of what’s happening in the videos... they try their best to make it easy to buy into the illusion that you’re just witnessing nature unmediated, that the humans who created the film are ‘faithfully reporting the science’ rather than actively creating an interpretation that could be disputed)

or take for example how people report that ‘male’ seahorses are the ones that gestate internally. this is a technical distinction on the basis of gametes, but in popular reporting, you’ll see how quickly we impute gender to the seahorses without any discussion of what is actually meant by the terms. everyone knows what a ‘male’ is, right? haha, ~a man getting pregnant~, how strange nature is...

i feel like someone will come and have a go at me for ‘ignoring’ that most species are, whatever my feelings on the matter, more-or-less dimorphic in terms of behaviour and morphology, that I’m missing the forest for the trees or w/e, but I feel like gender-as-practised-by-humans (and more specifically, humans in our present time and specific place), especially when we are actually an extremely non-dimorphic species, is sufficiently separate from any ‘natural’ dimorphisms that i would prefer to sever the two completely - in language and imagination!

of course evolutionary biologists are gonna continue arguing about stuff like “Bateman’s principle” using ‘male’ and ‘female’ language, regardless of what I think of the matter. I don’t have any real hope of change in how science is practised, certainly not emanating from me, but it brings me some personal satisfaction to excise that language...

[kinmagick]

hi again! i'm the T anon who requested a tarot reading earlier, it was really helpful! if its ok, could i also request a reading with a the 'Kin-Specific Past Life Tarot Spread'? i think you reblogged it a week ago. i understand its a much longer one, im totally willing to wait however long i need to, but if its too draining, pls feel free to just say so! sorry for asking so much lol, tysm :~)

you absolutely can, dear! and no worries, haha; i completely understand

here we go! [here] is a link to the above-mentioned spread!

1. an emotion/feeling/state of mind that dominated you

page of cups - sensitive, kind, imaginative, romantic, gentle, new love, love letters

you were open to love, or perhaps simply longed for it. the page of cups is soft and sensitive, but also imaginative and creative. creative expression is also a big part of this card, since it can literally represent love letters, haha!

2. an action you took because of it

seven of cups - fantasy, illusion, creative brainstorming, altered states

this card once again represents a dreamy state of mind; it also represents indecision. while the question asked for an action you took, the card says that your action was, perhaps, inaction; though not necessarily from lack of care or interest. the seven of cups represents so much overwhelming choice, and so many options, that stagnation covers you.

this card can also represent altered states; this can be anything from meditation/visualization to alcohol/drugs. perhaps you were led to one of these things by your emotional state of mind.

3. a key event in your timeline

the emperor - power, structure, stability, authority, father

the emperor represents logical and rational thought, enforcing rules and structure, and leadership. perhaps things went from scattered to organized; from free to strict; neither of which are necessarily a bad thing! to me, though, the emperor feels a bit more authoritative than usual, and to me that seems like a conflict, but that doesn’t mean it was!

he can also represent a father or father figure in your life. perhaps something prominent happened involving (or because of) a masculine figure in your life!

4. your role in that key event

three of swords - loss, sorrow, betrayal, necessary sacrifice

this card indicates a difficult loss. this could be the end of something (a life or a relationship), or a feeling of betrayal or rejection, or even more literal loss. 

keep in mind that this is your role in #3, which was a “key event” involving the above mentioned characteristics. this could imply that there was a loss, rejection, betrayal, etc. involving that father figure in your life.

perhaps the difficult loss was a loss of freedom; if you were giving up control for structure and rules, then your role would have included grieving for your lost way of living.

5. your standing with others

five of pentacles - lack of security, unstable, scarcity thinking, alienation, illness, supportive friends

this card represents a threatened sense of security. it can also represent relying on friends, which is never a bad thing! you may have relied on others to help you, or perhaps you occasionally supported them!

sidenote from after drawing and putting up all the cards: i’m sorry, i’m having a good deal of trouble interpreting this one…so, ah, i drew a clarifying card!!

5 ½. how you were perceived by others, overall

two of cups [reversed] - difficulty relating, unequal relationship, no relationship, balancing energy

…so in answer: your standing with others was disharmonious. alright then, seems like you leaned on others without giving back; you took and either didn’t want to or forgot to give back. time apart was needed, or perhaps demanded. while your standing with other people wasn’t all that great, remember that this feels like something you conquered, yeah?

6. others’ standing with you

five of swords - defeat, self-defeat, arguments, irritability, feeling attacked

i’ll jump straight in with this one: you were mean to others, even if you didn’t intend to be. perhaps you didn’t quite trust them, or you simply had to win every argument, but you always had to be “right.” you may have done things you didn’t want to do just to prove others wrong. it’s not necessarily that you saw yourself above other people, but you certainly had a complex about “winning” – even if that wasn’t what you should have been focused on.

7. something you’ve forgotten

ace of cups [reversed] - blocked feelings, numbness, guarded heart, insecure emotions, ignoring intuition

this card is a very stark contrast to the page of cups in #1, but everyone has their facets! perhaps you have forgotten or blocked out a time when you were numb and closed off to help, insight, and emotion. this card can also representing feeling sensitive (to hurt, etc) and acting childishly, such as by lashing out or being unduly stubborn.

this card can also be a push to give up some decadent pleasure, like alcohol, chocolate, or some other type of food. you may have forgotten this warning: to be careful about what you indulge in.

8. a mistake you’ve made

judgement - rite of passage, maturing, reviewing, transition

interesting…this is rarely seen as a negatively-coded card. i’ll do my best to pick out its flaws, haha! ;)

judgement is all about one phase of life coming to an end; it’s about change and release. it’s about growing up and being accountable for your choices and behavior. which, i will admit, seems like a great thing.

but why did you decide to “grow up”? why did you decide to embrace such change? while things cannot stay the same forever, rushing into decisions, or choosing something without thinking it through, can be dangerous and harmful for everyone involved. sure, a teenager may want to try to be mature and drive a car – but what if that teenager is only 13? sometimes, it’s better to hold onto your childhood innocence.

9. something you did right

queen of cups - empathetic, receptive, sensitive, introspective, psychic, emotional, loving, dreamer, counselor, mother

(personally, the queen of cups is one of my favorite cards!! ^^) maturity, sensitivity, and romance – all themes we’ve seen, both in positive and negative lights. here, the implication is that these traits were able to help you in some way. as this card represents empathy and intuition, your emotional nature and gut feelings were able to help you do something right.

you were receptive, loving, and artistic; not all the time (as the queen of cups can also be moody, emotionally manipulative, and deceitful), but you showcased the best of the queen’s qualities at the best possible time. wonderful job~!

10. a lesson learned

eight of cups [reversed] - refusing to give up, avoidant behavior, running away, always feeling something is missing

as this is a negatively-coded card, i’m going to assume the lesson you learned was to not do these things; to stop running away and avoiding conflict or responsibilities. you learned that it’s okay to be sad, and that you don’t always have to be happy. it’s okay to let go and release control of a situation when you know you can’t handle it.

as you can see, you got an overwhelming amount of cups! the suit of cups is associated with receptiveness, femininity, and water. as indicated multiple times in the reading, you were (usually) receptive to emotions.

this was quite tiring, but very interesting to do!

i sincerely hope this helps you!! again, don’t hesitate to let me know how you felt about this reading; what felt right, what felt wrong, what felt weird.

if you have further questions, you can absolutely continue asking, though you’re also free to talk to me privately so we can have more of a conversation!

best of luck with finding out more about your canon, darling!

- mod chara

[stxrblccd]

"Yeah. Dad's got knives, I do ice." He rolls a few small spheres of ice across his palm and over his knuckles as they walk down the hall. The decor is fairly typical of a family home; simple accent furniture, a few mirrors and paintings on the walls and the occasional bookshelf. Most notable are the photos, they litter the walls wherever there's space, depicting Knives and Luca along with a woman and a couple other children. Vash, too.

There are some signs of life as they approach the kitchen, the front door opening and closing and the shuffling of boots, a voice muttering to itself. "Hey—"

"Oh! Hello, honey." The woman from the family photos stands at the kitchen table, a large basket of freshly harvested vegetables being hoisted onto it. She gives the two a soft, warm smile before returning to her task and sorting out the vegetables. "Sorry I couldn't greet you when you first came, but I was filled in. Wolfwood, correct? Welcome!"

Luca wanders over to help in her sorting, seeming to know her system already and carrying on without instruction. "He's babysitting."

A light huff of a laugh falls from the woman's lips. "Yeah, that's how your father put it. Don't worry, we've unfortunately become pretty familiar with situations like this. We'll take care of you until you're able to leave. My name is Mona." Her tone is sweet and warm, like tea with thick honey. Quite the contrast to Knives and Luca, and very clearly human.

"Knives mentioned your Meryl would be coming for you. Is this the one with the cube...?"

"Hey—you're right, but hey," Nick doesn't take offense to the comeback, honestly it's deserved, probably, "I'm just kiddin'. Knives—er—your dad told me about how you look way older because you're a plant and all that. S'not like I got anything better to do anyway—I'm stuck here till my ride comes."

He picks up on the muttered apology and can't help but let out a laugh, "What? Don't apologize for that. Little bit of sass never killed anyone. If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's to always be difficult. Especially for Knives."

Nick punctuates his thought with a solid nod.

"Oh—you literally... make ice. Did not expect that," he follows the boy, taking a closer look at the decor around the home, "Nope, no food yet. Just a threat to go out shopping for not-food. I haven't met Mom yet either."

'Who the hell can domesticate Millions fuckin' Knives anyway?'

[stxrblccd]

"Well, obviously-- Probably would be worse than carrying it around everywhere--"

"Luca..!"

"What..!?" His shoulders relax as it's stuffed away once more, the constant panging it brings to his mind subsiding and easing the rising snark. "Sorry... M' just, real sensitive to that kinda stuff." Mona takes a moment to ponder the question as Luca makes his apologies to Meryl.

"Vash never mentioned a cube specifically, but he did mention falling from space, expelling energy and the like. Seems too important for it to be too terribly different here." Small lines of continuity and such that tied all the universes together, as Le had described it.

"Maybe your Vash didn't expel the energy fully for some reason.." Luca tilts his head up, closing his eyes dramatically tight. "The cube isn't still around here, from what I can tell--" An energy source that great would surely stick out, even to him.

"I found it when I woke up after Julai. It's what I use to travel." She tucked it away again, shrugging slightly.

"And I can't just ditch it in a random world." For obvious reasons. It was dangerous, she knew. But it was also mostly dormant, and far weaker than before. At least in her bag it was safe and no one would be hurt by it. "I don't play around with it either. But what about here?"

[stxrblccd]

"Yeah, we tend to all of the crops by hand. No fancy tools or anything way out here." He had read of great machines, both ones operated by humans and ones that worked freely, tilling fields and watering crops. But something about the hands on experience felt.. better. Letting something else do the work seemed like it would be less gratifying.

"There's corn, tomatoes, we got a couple kinds of squash, cabbage, lettuce..." He's counting on his fingers as he goes, still leaning over Mona as he does. A small smile graces her lips at the action, he was always enthusiastic talking about these things.

But he eventually realizes he could have misunderstood. "Oh! Unless you mean like, plant plants. The Dependents." His head tilts atop his mom's to look at Meryl, cheek squishing a little. "Sometimes...? Mama and Vash will bring me with them sometimes, but the closest plant is iles away, and they usually do most of the work. I practice talking with them."

Yes, she could see Vash and Wolfwood doing such a thing. "I'm surprised your Meryl doesn't come with them." But then if she was busy with work, it would make sense she might not. Meryl nodded, sipping at her tea again. It was actually pretty good.

"Do you help with the plants around here?" He seemed pretty responsible, for a kid his age. A year he'd said. Plants truly were different than humans... She wondered if the twins had been as serious at his age as he seemed to be. As responsible. Maybe she'd ask when she finally could.

[stxrblccd]

Mona remains silent for a time, staring blankly into her tea as she does, fussing over the smooth surface incessantly. Luca comes over, draping against her gently, arms hanging loosely over her shoulders as his chin meets the top of her head.

"Vash and Wolfwood swap off every couple of weeks, staying to help around the farm and make sure we stay safe while... you know." The humming in his chest grows a touch louder as he melts against his mom more, hoping it may help soothe her a little. Meryl may even be able to hear it faintly with how close she is.

"Our Meryl hasn't come by in a few months, she's wicked busy. But she tries to make time every once and a while, especially if she's in the area for work anyway." Maybe he could reach out to Vash..? Have him take a detour if he wasn't already too close to the house.

"Oh, I see."

She nods, lifting her mug to finally drink her team properly. "I can wait for Vash and Meryl then. If he comes back home before then I suppose I can ask him. If not then, well. That's that." Another slow sip. "Do Vash and Meryl visit often?"

[stxrblccd]

"I can write to her, or ask Vash when he arrives, he should be on his way here now." Keep things simple, she had to remind herself. It would do her no good to explain the intricacies of their established routine while Knives was away--

Oh. Well, she supposed the question may come up eventually. Mona dithers on it for a few moments, it's not something she enjoys thinking about, fingers nervously tracing the rim of her mug.

"He's been gone for six months. Might not be back for another six, there's no way of knowing. He can't travel wherever like you can." Luca is quick to cut in for his mom at her distress. Again, the last thing Meryl needs right now is an in depth lecture on magic, especially since there were pieces they didn't quite understand fully.

"She doesn't like thinking about it." Back to being a bit more curt with her, but he really doesn't want Mona to begin retracting again, she had finally been more like herself lately.

"I see." It was... odd, hearing someone talk about him like that. Like he was a good person. Or maybe just a better one. "You'll have to introduce me to Meryl from here then; I can ask her for details." Or even Vash himself if he's willing to talk about it.

She scribbled some notes into her notepad for a moment.

"Do you think he'll return here anytime soon? I suppose I should ask him too."

[stxrblccd]

"I see..." The additions Meryl makes had been heavily implied by her own Vash, but not plainly said as such. She's about to inquire further when the purple cube is brought out, a soft gasp as she looks it over.

That was it..? A cube, just barely able to be held in a single hand was the great destroyer of Julai..? Mona's head tilts, a hand reaching forward hesitantly towards it. "It... Hm.. It must be concentrated energy from the Core, I'm assuming? How did he--"

"You really shouldn't have that." Ah, yes, ever the well behaved child Luca was. But it almost couldn't be helped. Now that the Cube was uncovered, being significantly weaker than it would have been originally, it tugs and tugs incessantly at him, drawing him out of the house.

"I can feel it pulsing still, ma." Thrumming, softly, energy still swirling inside. Mona's hand retracts as his brow furrows, staring at the object Meryl holds, now unintentionally emulating his father quite well. "You could really hurt yourself, Meryl."

"He was overwriting Vash's memories. Basically killing him, in a way. They were going to use the core inside the higher plane to impregnate all the plants to create new independents. Not that I understand how that works."

Souls, pregnant plants, Vash. Hesitantly, Meryl opened her bag again to reach inside before she pulled free the cube inside. "Vash condensed the energy into this. This is what they destroyed the city with." Knives having a habit of leaving information out? Fitting, she thinks.

She has a lot of questions about plants actually, but now's not the time for them. Later. Meryl thinks for a long moment about what had happened.

"Wolfwood and I managed to escape, we were watching when Vash released it into space. I remember purple light, and then waking up in a different reality."

[stxrblccd]

A hot mug is gingerly handed down to Meryl as Mona takes her place next to her, pulling her journal free from where it had been tucked under her arm. She takes a sip from her own tea before flipping open to the first couple of pages, brows furrowing as she does some mental math.

"Not quite eleven years, if i recall correctly. It'll be eleven this July." There's a deep breath as she moves further into the notebook, to where she had written down what she had been told.

"Knives told me they had destroyed Julai while fighting, but Vash gave me some more of the details. Knives... has a bit of a bad tendency to leave things out if he doesn't think they're necessary, or if it will only complicate things more. Something about altering memories, using Vash to access the Core of the shared plant collective and create more Independents. I still need to ask him how that works..." If he could even describe it.

"Please, don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions about the plant things. Besides marrying into perhaps the most obscure family I could, I also have a PhD in Plant Sciences." It's hardly spoken as a brag, simply an additional piece of information for her to be aware of.

Meryl nods, wrapping her arms around her knees as she settles in to wait. The tea's accepted once Mona returns, and she digs her own notebook free from her bag.

"Alright. So for you it's been years since Julai, but for me six months." She marked that down on a fresh page. "How many years?" A little arrow, before a new line. "Do you know what happened there?"

She'd probably have to talk about her own events to really feel the differences, wasn't she? At least it was for a reason... Meryl nodded to herself.

[stxrblccd]

"Good, what kind would you like..? We've got a good variety." Once Meryl gives her preference, Mona stands, wiping a culmination of dirt and sand from her skirt lightly. "I'll get us some tea and my notebook, then we can sit and talk things through. How does that sound?" The final sentence is spoken louder than the rest, head thrown in the direction of the front door. There's some thumping from just behind, voices hushing each other as two pairs of feet scurry away.

An airy chuckle and the slightest shake of her head. Predictable, as usual. Or perhaps her instincts were just growing to be that good. Meryl receives a light tap on the shoulder before Mona departs into the house. "Be right back."

"Right. Tea sounds lovely, thank you." Meryl took a deep breath, counting down from ten before she allowed herself to exhale. "I'm alright, I'm calm. Just... It's definitely a lot."

And so much could have been different if he'd been like this, instead.

But Mona was right, something else to think about would help. "Can you tell me about here, then? Those notes would be great. I bet your Vash is a handful."

[stxrblccd]

"Okay. Okay--" She's quick to recognize the confused spiral that she begins to fall into, and is quick to guide Meryl by her shoulders towards the porch, encouraging her to sit down on the steps.

"It's not easy to understand." Mona crouches down in front of her, a comforting hand on her arm as she peers up at her. "And there are still remnants in there, old habits. There always will be. But... Time and circumstances are tricky things, even the smallest difference could have changed this Knives." Her presence, too, also seemed to be an abnormality, as no other Vashes had known of her. A thought she's quick to expel.

"How about we take some time to think of something else, hm..? Do you like tea? We have plenty. We can sit inside or stay right here, whichever you prefer. But you really should take your mind off of this, at least for a bit. It's not a nice thought, but if it's been this long to look, I think it'll be okay to take a moment for yourself." Mona doesn't like how quickly she's growing distressed trying to piece together everything.

Three.

Is this what Knives would have, will, become given enough time after Julai? If Vash hadn't done whatever he'd done and, she assumed, sent them all out into other realities. Would the Knives of her world have been like the one from this world? Growing crops, giving them away. Plucking children from the streets to raise as his own?

"Sorry, this is... This is a lot." She might need some time to really grasp all of this.

"If–if he can be like this, then why...?"

Was this the Nai Vash saw in his brother, the reason he still loved his twin so fiercely even as his brother was trying to kill him?

"I don't understand."

[stxrblccd]

There's a soft, sullen sigh from Mona as she slows her pace, to give them more time to discuss the matter away from the prying ears of her sons. Her gaze meets the ground, hands clasping in front of her. "Unlike what some people might think, I am not naive. It did happen." A vague way of understanding what 'that' means. "Knives told me some, Vash gave me the rest."

A heavy pause as she takes an extended moment to inspect one of the plants. "I am fully aware of who Knives was, what he's capable of. I've seen it first hand." Both before, as well as when she knew him, for her own sake even.

She allows Meryl a moment to absorb the information, clearly it is much different than she was used to. Was this the only place he was like this..? "Julai was... an awakening for him. He still wants to protect Vash, make things better for the plants, just in a different way." There's a smile growing as she thinks about her husband. It's quite apparent just how much his absence weighs on her.

"He's quite doting, actually. In his own way. Most of our crops go to the town, and Shrike he plucked right from the street, as well as the eldest, Mari.

Two kids. He had two. What the hell was up with this Knives? Meryl nods slightly, watching the boy go before she folded her hands behind her back, still staring at the plants around them.

"Do... you know what he did at Julai? Did that happen here too?"

Had he changed here?

Meryl reached up to pull her hat off and run a hand through her hair. "This is... a lot to take in."

[stxrblccd]

"The towns out here are pretty spread out. It could take some time to go between them, but we have Tomas if it'll help..!"

It's a bit of the walk back to their farmstead, a small house with rows and rows of green stretching out around it. They pass through an old gate into the tomatoes that dot the front of the property as sand changes to soil.

"Knives found this place, already converted but in need of repair. I theorize that a piece of an old space-faring ship is somewhere below, one with a terraforming system." Luca runs about the stalks, careful to not bowl any over as they are quite tall. Mona runs a hand against the leaves as they walk by, catching her son as he passes by the shoulders.

"How about you go warn your brother, hm..? Let him know there's company?" And the boy is off with a grin and a nod, sprinting to the porch and into the house. Mona can feel another question rising from Meryl already as she turns to look at her. "Our other son, Shrike. He's... a bit more timid. Older, too. Just want to give him time in case he needs it."

"There's other towns they may be hiding in if they are here." She clearly agrees with moving to her home though, from her expression. "If you don't mind me staying for a little while...?"

She followed Mona out of the town,and towards what was apparently a farm of all things in the distance. Wide eyed as they got closer and she got a better look at rows of corn and other plants, Meryl turned in a slow circle between steps. "You grow all of this yourself...? How...?"

[stxrblccd]

Mona comforts her son quietly, rubbing tension from his shoulders as Meryl speaks. Six months... That's about the same amount of time their own current dimensional oddities had been going on. Perhaps they were interconnected somehow..?

"You would be hard pressed to find anyone hiding here. The town is small, they would whisper about it." She would know, she was the center of rumors for months. Ones that had only begun to quell with time. Mona gazes about for a moment, thinking of what to do next. "Perhaps... We should move this conversation, hm..?" Who knows who had already been listening to their odd exchange. "You can stay with us for the time being, if you'd like? We live outside of town. I can show you my notes there." Yes, she had been keeping physical notes. No, it does not cross her mind that it might be a bit weird.

"It's complicated," Meryl offers, still unsure how much to say. Did Mona want him to know about Julai? "But it was..." She thinks, how long as she been traveling? "Six months maybe? I'm not sure, time's odd."

It could be more, maybe less. Meryl droops a bit, sighing. So, no luck here either. "Maybe we should compare notes, then. See if we can figure out the difference while I make sure that Vash and Wolfwood aren't hiding somewhere." Always best to check.