#YOU DIDN'T EVEN CHANGE THE ORIGINAL PRICE ON THE SELECTION MENU

[grimalkinmessor]

Managed to get some extra cash and was gonna buy my Mom a trial prescription of Beam (nightmare induced insomnia runs in the family 🤟) for Christmas but it's fucking NINETY-FIVE DOLLARS???? TF YOU MEAN—IT WAS FORTY-SEVEN DOLLARS A MONTH AGO. SCAM ASS BITCH

[808airsoftbros]

Tight Pants Pt.II (Kim Sohee/Giselle/Karina) (BXG) (S)

Author: Part II of my original Tight Pants smut oneshot. Hope you enjoy it and if you want to check out my Masterlist for more oneshots :)

Y/N's POV

"Ah~. Come on, Y/N, can you please just go out with me for once~?" Sohee-Noona bugged and I groaned.

For the last ten minutes, I was in the middle of a gaming session with the boys, it was all going peaceful and well until my Noona barged into my room uninvited and won't stop begging me to come hangout with her friends.

Despite my efforts to focus on the game and ignore her obnoxious antics, she takes off my headset and steals my controller.

"Hey! Give that back!" I demanded and she smiled.

"Only if you agree to hangout with me~," She replied and I sighed.

"Promise?" I hesitantly asked.

"Promise," She answered after nodding.

She hands me back the controller and headset before throwing me one of my outfits and telling me to put it on.

Changing into the clothes that Sohee-Noona gave me, I went down the stairs and she took my head leading me into her expensive ass mercedes benz AMG.

Did I forget to mention that she's an idol? That's why she can afford all the luxury products she wants and my closet is full of Gucci and Louis Vuitton clothes that she gifted me in the past.

Anyway, she drives me over to wherever the meeting location is, which is a fancy restaurant.

"We're here, little bro," She nudged.

We get out of the car, and there were too other girls waving at us and I assumed it was Sohee's friends.

"Hey, Sohee~!" One of them greeted.

"Sup, Rina! How have you been~?" Sohee greeted and they hugged each other.

"Eh, nothing much," She answered and her other friend eyed me.

"Is this your step bro that you mentioned?" She asked and she nodded.

"Yep, this is Kim Y/N, my step brother," Sohee answered and she nodded.

"I see, well, Y/N, my name is Giselle and this here is Karina. It's nice to finally see you~," Giselle introduced herself and I chuckled.

Sohee locked arms with me, I followed her lead into the restaurant, and we checked in with the waiter. He leads us into a private dining room full of fancy silverware and plates.

"Please have a seat, ladies," The waiter insisted.

I sat across from Giselle with Karina sitting next to her and I sat next to Sohee-Noona. The waiter pours water into our glasses.

"I'll give you all time to decide what you wish to order," He said before leaving the room.

Looking through the menu, the prices were ridiculously expensive with steak and lobster being over $50 each but I knew it wouldn't even put a dent on Sohee's account.

"I think I want to try the salmon," Karina mentioned.

"Mind as well get the salmon too," Giselle replied.

Examining the seafood selections I felt something rubbing my ankle and I looked down to see it was Karina responsible. I peeked over the menu and she was acting all natural.

Rolling my eyes, I decide I'll go with the medium-rare wagyu steak, and Sohee-Noona goes with the lobster tails.

"So, Y/N, what do you do for a living?" Giselle curiously asked.

"Uhm, for now, college," I answered.

"Ah, what are you studying?" She asked.

"Engineering," I simply replied and she nodded.

Still feeling the sensation of Karina's bare feet rubbing on my feet, I felt her move up to my leg and my thigh making me nervous.

Sohee-Noona gave me a look of concern and asked what was wrong but I asssured everything was fine and Karina was still playing the innocent one.

"Do you have a girlfriend by any chance~?" Karina asked and I shook my head.

"No, not interested in finding one yet," I answered and she smiled.

"I see, well, I'm always available if you're interested," She teasingly suggested and I blushed making her giggle.

It didn't help that Karina was starting to spice things up, she moved her foot to my crotch and I grinned resisting her temptations.

Thankfully, they didn't pay any mind to me as the waiter comes in to write down our orders. Once we finished making our orders he exits the room and I sighed in relief.

"I must say, bestie, your little bro is cute~," Giselle butted in.

"I know right~?" Sohee replied before ruffling my hair.

"Aish, stop it Noona!" I annoyingly said and pushed her hand off my head.

"Awww~. Look at the cutie~," Giselle teased.

Excusing myself to go to the restroom, Sohee grabbed my hand asking if I needed help but I refused her offer. I walked out the room, easily found the restroom.

Right when I was about to enter the bathroom, my hand was grabbed and I was forced into the woman's bathroom.

Before I could figure out who snatched me, a finger was placed on my lips telling me to keep quiet and I was shocked to see it was Karina who had a smirk plastered on her face.

"W-What are you doing...?" I nervously asked.

Without saying a word, she drags me into an empty stall, locks the door, and gets on her knees rubbing my dick.

"Oh, baby boy~. You've had my attention the moment I've laid eyes on you and you know how idols always get what they want... Right?" She asked and I nodded.

"Well, do you know what I want right now~?" She seductively asked and I gulped as she came up to my ear before whispering... "You,"

Before I knew it, she unbuckles my belt, pulls down my pants and underwear revealing my monsterous cock making her drool at the size.

"Good, I never knew you had such a big cock, baby~," She moaned before jerking it off slowly.

Flinching at her delicate touch, my cock hardens and grows and she eventually takes it into her warm mouth and I moaned.

Bobbing up and down, I was nervous that someone could walk in here and catch us.

"N-Noona, what if someone catches us?" I asked and she takes my cock out of my mouth.

"You let me worry about that~," She answered before going back to blow me.

She kept going for the next ten minutes and I couldn't resist to cum inside her mouth and she swallowed every bit of it with delight.

"Mmmm~. So tasty~. Mommy will have more of you later~," She said before helping me put my pants back up.

We quietly come out of the bathroom, rejoin the others at the dining room and they wondered what took us so long? Karina lied saying that she came to check on me and had a little accident.

As embarrassing as it is, they bought it, and the waiter comes in with a tray of mouth watering dishes.

The food was the best I've ever tasted in my life, the steak was juicy and tender, and my Noona's enjoyred their food as much as I did.

After we finished eating, my Noona's paid the pill and left the waiter a generous tip before leaving the restuarant.

Looking up at the sky, it was cloudy as hell meaning it was gonna rain soon-

Well I spoke too soon didn't I? Out of nowhere, the rain came pouring in and everyone immediately seeked shelter in the restuarant, took out their umbrellas, and rushed to their cars.

Unfortunately, I had nothing to protect me from the rain and in no time I was soaking wet. I've never in my life felt so miserable. My socks were wet. My feet are wet.

"Omo~. Come on, let's go~!" Sohee-Noona said and we rushed back to the car.

Karina and Giselle ran back to their respective sports cars and we met up at Aespa's dorm. Since Winter and Ningning are away visiting friends and family, it would be just us four.

We hurried back to their dorm, I was soaking wet, I was cold as shit and felt like I bathed in snow fully naked.

We entered their dorm, Karina guides me to the bathroom and Giselle places a spare change of clothes on the counter.

"Mind giving me some privacy Noona?" I asked and she gave me a devious smirk.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" She asked and I shook my head.

"No, Noona, I'm fine," I assured and she pouted before leaving me alone.

Taking off my drenched clothes, I hop inside the shower, turn the knob for the warm water. Feeling the water flowing through my skin felt euphoric as ever and the coldess immediately faded away.

However, I cannot help but feel as if I'm being watched, I looked out the shower glass and I was surprised to see someone's phone camera recording me.

"Yah! What the hell?!" I called out and whoever it was ran off.

I could only guess it was one of my Noona's trying to get a peak at me and use the footage to rub their pussies later.

Anyway, I finished taking my shower, I put on the spare change of clothes but they were tight as shit as they were made for girls and it didn't help that the sweatpants were showing my bulge.

Thinking of a way to cover it up, I grabbed one of the towels on the rack, warpped it around me. I looked rediculous but it was only for one night.

I walk down the stairs, I got lots of looks from the girls wondering why I was still wearing a towel around my waist.

"Uhm, Y/N, is the pants I gave you too small?" Giselle asked.

"Huh? Oh, it's fine," I answered with a reassuring smile.

"Okay then...?" She awkwardly muttered before going back to watch her shows.

Looks like they bought it for now... I sit on the couch along with Sohee-Noona and she wraps her arm around my neck. Slowly pulling my head to lay her shoulder.

"Noona when can we leave?" I quietly asked.

"As soon as the storm passes," She answered and I nodded.

While finding peace and solace laying on Sohee-Noona's shoulder, I felt a tug on the towel and I opened my eyes seeing Karina with a rather curious look on her face.

"Yah, Noona what are you doing?" I asked and she gave me a skeptical look.

"What's the towel for?" She asked and I gulped.

Suddenly, the show began playing an errotic scene making me slightly erected. Giselle was all too focus on the show and Sohee-Noona was fast asleep while Karina went on the assault on my pants.

I signalled her to stop but she didn't take the hint so I quietly tried to get her hands off the towel.

"I just want a look!" She quietly said and I shook my head.

"What is going on...?" Sohee-Noona asked before yawning and when saw what was going on.

"Yah! Rina! What are you doing?!" She angrily asked and Karina-Noona huffed.

"I just want to know why Y/N's wearing a towel for..." She answered before crossing her arms.

Then Giselle turned her attention toward us, she asked what was wrong and I explained the situation. She rolled her eyes in amusement and demanded to take my towel off.

At first, I refused but I didn't have a say as Giselle forcefully took the towel away from my waist and their jaws dropped seeing the massive bulge in my tight sweatpants.

"Now what do we have here...?" Giselle asked as she examined my dick poking out my sweatpants.

"U-Uhhhh..." I muttered as I was too flustered to say anything.

Sohee-Noona smirked and nodded to the others, Giselle and Karina nodded back with an devious smile. It was obvious they were up to something.

"W-What's going on?" I nervously asked and they giggled.

"Oh, you're so silly you know that~? We planned this whole thing all along~," Karina answered and my eyes widened.

"W-What?!" I exclaimed.

"You weren't exactly paying attention to the weather forecast so we planned this hangout. We knew you'd be drenched in no time so we figured it'd be convenient to bring you to our dorm," Giselle explained and I was speechless.

"N-Noona? Why?" I asked and she giggled.

"Remember that lost bet a while back? If you don't get a girlfriend by this year, will take you ourselves," She asked and I nodded.

"Y-Yes, but I thought you all were just joking!" I replied and they laughed.

"Oh, you innocent child, you should know better that we don't play around with such things. Now you belong to us~," Sohee-Noona whispered the last part sending chills down my spine.

I was pinned to the bed with Giselle and Sohee-Noona holding my arms down, my pants along with my underwear were pulled down revealing my ten inch monter cock.

"So yummy and delicate, what a beautiful cock your little baby has~," Giselle admired.

"I know~," Sohee-Noona replied before licking her lips.

"We're going to make sure your balls are drained tonight~," Giselle whispered in my ear.

Not wasting a moment, Karina and Giselle switched places, she takes my cock in her warm mouth, and she was tighter than Karina's mouth and it felt amazing.

"Does her mouth feel good baby~," Karina asked and I viciously nodded.

Giselle encouraged by my words of compelation, she bobs her head faster and I moaned loader before Karina shuts me up placing her lips onto mine.

Slipping her tongue inside of my mouth, I easily lost the battle for domination as she was more experienced than I am. My mind was also occupied being sucked off by Giselle and I was starting to edge.

"I-I'm going to cum!" I warned and but she kept going so I came in her mouth.

"Mmm~. What a delicious treat that was~," Giselle moaned out after licking her lips after eating a scrumptious meal.

"Let's get into the main show now~. I already tasted my little brother a many times before, am I right~?" She sedutively asked and I slowly nodded.

Yep, Sohee-Noona and I did do it sometimes whenever she felt horny besides we're not even blood related and I didn't have a say in anything.

"Alrighty then," Giselle replied before stripping naked revealing her delicate and thicc figure.

"Let's not keep our baby waiting then~," Karina said before also stripping naked and I drool at her massive tits.

"Aww~. Is my baby boo a tit guy~?" She teasingly asked and I nervously nodded.

"There's no need to be ashamed in that~," Sohee-Noona assured before taking off her clothes.

To my surprise all together, they did their best to wrap their boobs around my dick and it was the most amazing feeling ever. My mind and body was going to be broken if these sexy girls made me came.

My dick drowning in these girls titties and it didn't take long for me to squirt out my cum all over their bodies and faces.

"Wow, you came a lot for us, baby~. You must really love our tits~," Giselle pointed out.

Exhausted out, I panted to catch my breath as these girls were made me go through nothing but pure ecstasy and pleasure but they were far from done with me.

Without warning, Karina slams her pussy onto my dick making me yelp and she began riding me like an angry bull.

"Oh fuck yes~!" She screamed while riding me and I loudly moan.

Then, I was smothered by Sohee-Noona's and Giselle's tits forcing me to suck them and play with them at the same time. I tried my best to multi-task between the three ladies.

"Mmm~. You're doing such a good job, baby~," Sohee-Noona complemented before moaning.

About ten minutes in, Karina was already close to cumming and I put my hands on her hips to thrust into her and she squirted all over my dick.

"That was great..." Karina muttered before climbing off.

"Me next~!" Giselle announced and inserts my cock into her pussy.

Hardly believing how tight as hell she was, I clenched my face as she slowly began riding me. Giselle could only scream out of pleasure as she picked up the pace.

I was about to cum deep inside of her womb until she squirted all over my dick making me nearly blue ball.

"Well now, guess those two weren't enough, and you were edged twice, right?" Sohee-Noona asked and I nodded.

"Hehe~. Allow me to help you with that~," She said and got on all fours. She lightly shakes her plum ass signalling me to fuck her and I did so with delight.

Going in and out as fast and hard as I can, Sohee-Noona kept moaning out my name and I gave her ass a few spankings making her yelp.

I grabbed her tits and played with it adding to the pleasure as I pounded the living daylights out of her.

"H-How... Ah! C-Close?" She stuttered.

"Very close, Noona!" I warned.

"Then fuck me like it's the last thing you'll ever do on this planet! Breed me!" She demanded.

Giving into her demands, I picked up the pace and went slammed my dick into her in and out making her a moaning mess. About ten seconds later, we came at the same time and I sighed in relief as my balls are now drained.

I collapsed onto the couch, I could barely feel my hip or my legs or even my cock. Then, the three sexy girls slowly climbed up and hurdled up to me.

"You were amazing, baby~," Giselle said before pecking my cheek.

"We should do this everyday~," Karina suggested and pecked my other cheek.

"If you ever feel fustrated, horny, or needy, just ask one of us and will be more than happy to help you as long as you help us," Sohee-Noona said and I thanked her before pecking her lips.

Right after that stormy night, my life changed 360 with mostly pleasing the girl's needs. We did it in the changing room, the bathrooms, our cars, and hell even in public places when no one is looking.

But all I cared about was that I could be with them and grateful that I have such graceful and beautiful girls to look after me.

[callsign-bunnie]

also to piggyback off my last ask: what is everyone’s job ? like i get that simon alejandro and alex are line cooks nd rudy is a server and valeria is a bartender but idk anyone else’s im sorry if this is annoying i should know everyone’s jobs i binged all of the au the other day lol

also my user used to be sunshiinegaz but changed it back to my original user idk if you even noticed me before lmao but just in case you did

Uhhhh, I'll be honest, you might have been sunshiinegaz when I was focused on other things so I wasn't really on tumblr! But i do recognize your current user! You're in my notes a lot! Anyway, new character list because I have become incredibly attached to a lot of the operators and are adding them to this AU (more tweets will be coming, I just need to do some shit)

--

Okay so, you are right, Alejandro, Ghost, and Alex are linecooks. Koenig used to be as well, but O'Conor has opened a restaurant right across the street, so now he's a linecook there. There's essentially three workplaces right now:

Shadow Supply Company Unquatrun Restaurant Kortac Pub

I'll go through each company and list employees

Shadow Supply Company:

Graves obviously is owner. He supplies to both Unquatrun because his husband in Alejandro's nephew and Lucas will tear him a new one if he doesn't, and Kortac Pub.

Velikan and Arthur both drive the supply trucks. Arthur to Unquatrun and Velikan to Kortac Pub. Arthur lets Merlin ride in the truck and the linecooks adore that dog, it's the best part of their week at this rate.

Oz and Mila work in... um... illegal supplies, but they also do quality testing and generally just bug both restaurants when they have nothing to do, which is most of the time.

I would put Velikan and Arthur both younger than expected at 20, Oz and Mila are both 26. Graves is 28, Lucas is 22.

Unquatrun Restaurant:

Alejandro, Alex, and Ghost are back to being the only linecooks. They're all 25. Alejandro and Ghost are actually only a month apart with Alejandro being a month older. Alex is two days older than Ghost, yes they jokingly call him the baby. I'm also introducing Reyes, who is a linecook, and he's also 25, but still older than Ghost, as he's a January baby

Rudy, Gaz, and Farah are full servers and are the main servers, though Laswell occasionally helps out when it's really busy. Rudy and Farah are full time, with full pay as well as tips, and Gaz is full time but relies mostly on tips as he doesn't really need the income and he'd rather that go back into the restaurant, so he takes the minimum they have to pay him. Farah and Rudy are both 24, but Gaz is 23. (I fucked up on the profiles and I'm changing some stuff)

Originally, Valeria and Horangi were bartenders, but both have quit and went to Kortac Pub. However! I have introduced Chuy, who is now a bartender, and he's 24. In fact, he and Rodolfo are almost twins by being one day apart. Laswell also helps out the bar when it gets busy and Rodolfo bartends on bar nights, and after they close the dining room and switch to bar seating only.

Soap and Roach are both hosts, full time. Soap has trouble reading the menus, and the POS is in a dyslexic friendly font. Roach is selectively mute because of autism, so it's just better for them to be hosts. Soap will bartend but only if ABSOLUTELY necessary, because reading tickets is a bitch for him. That receipt font is horrible, by the way, 0/10. Anyway, Soap is 24, and Roach is 22.

Price and Laswell co-own the restaurant and they've basically split duties between them, with Laswell running the entire front and Price handling the back. At first, they thought this might change as Laswell would have more duties, but the linecooks, especially with Reyes added, are a massive handful so... no, it didn't change. Both are 38.

Kortac Pub:

They're a bit smaller of a restaurant since they're a pub, I don't have emotional attachment to many of the Kortac members, but Roze and Koenig are both linecooks. They work semi well together. Roze is 26, Koenig is 25.

Horangi and Valeria still bartend, but Horangi will also be a server if necessary, since they only have Calisto and Stiletto as servers at the moment. Valeria isn't nice enough to the customers to be a server. Horangi is 25, Valeria is 24.

There is no official Host right now, but Nikto and Mace are both bouncers but only on the weekend.

-

I have put together so many new world details about this damn fucking AU so I am begging you guys to ask me more about it

[skriaki]

TOP 10 NINTENDO SWITCH GAMES 2019 - my arbitrary list!

Sometimes it's good to be proven wrong. I was pretty sceptical when the Switch was first announced, as it didn't seem too different from the Wii U's gamepad. Then I spent two years watching Nintendo enjoy a complete reversal of fortune, to the point of potentially amassing a more compelling library than Sony's or Microsoft's consoles. So that's how I quite suddenly found myself buying a Switch in October 2019, after having resisted the PS4 and Xbone for five whole years, and my free time has since been dominated by this little machine that defied the odds.

Some of Nintendo's business decisions can still seem inexplicable, but releasing a powerful handheld console that can also be docked with a TV at a moment's notice has proved to be an inspired idea, rather than the gimmick the Wii U's gamepad mostly turned out to be. And along with Nintendo's dependable series of top-notch exclusives, the Switch has enjoyed much better third-party support, which is how I ended up buying Dark Souls for the fourth bloody time just because the option to play it portably was too tempting to resist.

The Switch is the first console I've bought since the PS3 and for all Nintendo's quirks, there's a reason the Switch has dominated Christmas wishlists for three years running. Games like Super Mario Odyssey feel like full-size adventures that just happen to have a portable option, as opposed to handheld games you can also play on the big screen. This is the first year in a long while that I've actually played enough topical titles to justify a "games of the year" list, even if my recent Nintendo bias is pretty blatant.

So with that caveat in mind, and in no particular order, here's my entirely subjective list of the best Nintendo Switch games of 2019.

Luigi's Mansion 3

This is a franchise I'd always been curious about and can finally have an opinion on. The process of going from floor to floor of the hotel hoovering up ghosts and solving puzzles is pretty straightforward, but Luigi's Mansion 3 has so much polish and personality crammed into the cartridge. Luigi is immediately lovable as a determined coward, and each level has a wildly different theme that's realised with extravagant audio and visual flair, so progress always feels rewarding. Though this isn't true horror by any means, there can be an unsettling atmosphere and some of the bosses are pretty freaky. I officially love this oddball franchise and am desperate for a chance to play the story again in co-op. Unquestionably a first-class exclusive.

Doom (Switch port)

Not to be confused with the impressive Switch version of Doom 2016, this is the iconic Doom made cheap and accessible. While purists may take issue with some minor technical deviations, this is the first time I've got most of the way through Doom because the portability and *glorious* true dual-stick control makes this easily my favourite version. There's even a cheat menu for when I just want to mindlessly punch hell beasts. The main thing that ages Doom is its maze-like structure, but playing it casually experience alleviates that frustration somewhat. At a grand total of four pounds, this is a BFB (big fucking bargain).

Untitled Goose Game

You know a game is good when the only asterisk I put on my recommendation is that it *may* be overpriced. Untitled Goose Game took the internet by storm this year because it's the quintessential indie game: cute, simple and with anti-authoritarian undertones. As a horrible goose, it's your mission to cause havoc in an unsuspecting English village, interacting with people and objects to cause chain reactions of chaos. Some of the puzzle solutions are maybe a bit obscure, but 90% of the time just messing around with everything in the area will lead to a solution. Untitled Goose Game makes up for its brevity with sheer comedic charm, feeling much better-designed than a "lul so random" affair like Goat Simulator. A honking good time.

Terraria (Switch port)

I have spent literally hundreds of hours on the PC version of Terraria, so when I was broke after buying my Switch the new Terraria port was an obvious cost-effective choice. While the controls aren't as precise, the amount of time spent mining and sorting through loot makes this a great handheld experience. I can't comment on the multiplayer options but few games represent such a sheer value for money, as there's always a new cave to explore or a new boss to overcome. Time has been kind to this 2011 classic, grind notwithstanding.

Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair

While I personally enjoyed the original Yooka-Laylee, it was definitely flawed and I never seriously expected to see a sequel. But Yooka-Laylee and the Impossible Lair launched quite abruptly and did a pretty spectacular job of upstaging its predecessor. All the previous game's half-baked feel has been replaced with clever design touches, like the equippable tonics which grant helpful abilities at the cost of a currency penalty. The titular Lair is actually the final level and available to throw yourself at right from the beginning, but beating it without first obtaining more hitpoints by completing other stages is incredibly hard, which is a great way to incentivize progress without denying more confident players the option of beating the game earlier if they can meet the challenge. Impossible Lair might be this year's biggest surprise, and despite a modest budget I think it's worthy of comparison to excellent 2D platformers like Rayman Legends. Just don't expect to defeat Capital B on your first attempt.

A Hat In Time (Switch port)

I recently reviewed A Hat In Time but at the risk of repeating myself, it's one of the most charming games of the last few years and an incredibly impressive crowdfunded achievement. Mario's offerings may be a grander technical feat, but A Hat In Time is a fast and fabulous journey through a series of weird and wonderful worlds that all feel distinct in content and tone. It's very openly inspired by GameCube-era platformers like Mario Sunshine and Psychonauts and it easily scratches that itch. Simply one of the best original platformers of this generation, and I defy you not to love Hat Kid's cheeky antics.

Spyro Reignited Trilogy (Switch port)

As someone who thinks the original Spyro trilogy holds up better than most early 3D games, I'd have actually preferred a simple port rather than a full remake, but The Reignited Trilogy is honestly impeccable. The updated visuals are gorgeous while maintaining the general style of those old, jaggy models, and very little of the gameplay or content has changed except for sensible updates like the ability to immediately warp between every level you've visited. Having full dual-analogue control is also an absolute godsend even for a PS1 veteran like me. Though Spyro may seem a bit basic these days when faced with modern platformer marvels, the Reignited Trilogy makes these old favourites accessible again at a generous price point.

Ring Fit Adventure

Yes, I have a Wii kicking around in a box somewhere. No, Wii Fit never held my attention as anything more than a curiosity. Ring Fit Adventure, meanwhile, is limited only by my cholesterol-encrusted heart and dislike of excessive showering. This is an honest-to-goodness attempt at making an RPG out of a workout toy, and the amount of polish put into the game's presentation and hardware implementation is pretty remarkable. Levels involve jogging on the spot and squeezing the ring accessory to collect goodies and overcome obstacles, and periodically you'll engage in turn-based combat where you use a custom selection of exercise moves to deal damage. It's a fantastic idea pulled off much more elegantly than it sounds. The ring accessory unfortunately makes this quite an expensive game, so it'll take a lot of regular use to get your money's worth, but I can honestly (and surprisingly) say that exercise suddenly becomes more compelling when it's presented as a light RPG adventure with anthropomorphic gym equipment encouraging you to take breaks and drink plenty of water.

Pokémon Sword/Shield

Disclaimer: I can only give my impressions from 25 hours of playing Pokémon Shield, so this is DEFINITELY not a full review. That being said, this is still an easy recommendation to existing Pokemaniacs and a good starting point for any new acolytes. While the core formula hasn't evolved (har har) much since the very first Pokemon, Sword and Shield still has a number of modern quality of life improvements that make previous generations show their age. I've had so much fun building a core crew of cute and/or badass 'mons in a weird Nintendo version of Britain, and the online features combine with a VASTLY improved random encounter system to make grinding far less of a concern. The wild area takes some getting used to, but it's satisfying to come back and capture the huge Onyx you had to run away from a few hours before. Even if Pokémon Sword/Shield has some technical blemishes and could have pushed the series further in some regards, it's still easy to see why this franchise has maintained such a beloved status for so long.

Red Faction: Guerrilla Re-mars-tered (Switch port)

Along with Dark Souls, Red Faction was a game I never even knew I needed on the go, but now I've got it I can't imagine ever going back. A cult classic due to its amazing destruction physics, Red Faction sees you leading a proletariat revolution on Mars, literally tearing down corporate monuments to free the working class from systematic oppression. The open world is a bit claustrophobic and the shooting isn't exactly mind-blowing, but there's a reason I've beaten Red Faction every couple of years ever since its original 2009 release. The Switch port does the game justice and if you set the difficulty to easy then this is one of the best rage-venting experiences money can buy. So yes, I recommend getting your ass to Mars.