#YOU CALL ME A SUPERSTAR AND THEN ACT SURPRISED WHEN I'M HUMAN

[invisiblerambler]

I am for no reason whatsoever thinking about the lyrics always an angel never a god and I'm just a girl that's all you'll let me be because YEAH ACTUALLY

[totothewolff]

Grand Prix Elite Academy (3/10)

+18 | professor!Toto x reader fem!student, sewis, carlos x reader, collegue au | romance, smut, comedy, gossip, betray

Summary: Your life turns 180 degrees after receiving your acceptance letter for the Grand Prix Elite Academy, the most exclusive and prestigious Formula One College, designed to shape the future drivers of the motorsport world. You will try to navigate your new life among the Monaco elites, survive the campus dynamics and rivalries between the faculties, and try to win this year's Elite Cup to beat an undefeated Mercedes, all while befriending your eclectic classmates, join the wild parties, have a couple of make-outs under the racing circuit benches, lose your v-card and get over that stupid crush you have on professor Toto. Will you make it alive to graduation? Race to Greatness! Author's note: This is a Formula One college AU fic set in an elite academy in Monaco, where the F1 Teams are Faculties, their Team Principals are professors, the FIA is the college board, and all the grid drivers are your classmates. You are accepted under a scholarship program called WomenOne and have lots to catch on to after years of putting your racing dreams on hold. Becoming the outcast new girl is always challenging, especially when all of you live on one campus.

< Previous chapter | Masterlist | Next chapter > Chapter 3: Know Your Frenemies

When you finally make it back to your dorm room after a physically exhausting day, fuck that new workout class sure is intense! 

To your dismay, you find the place in total chaos: expensive-looking designer clothes everywhere and a group of stylish people occupying all the space. Shoes, makeup kits, bags, and more are on all available surfaces.

Who are these people, and what are they doing here? You have NO IDEA. 

But, gosh! You only wanted quietness to rest and decompress, not this circus you are surprised with when you open the dorm's entrance door.

Soon, you find out it's Naya's glam squad. They are polishing the details for her upcoming Teen Vogue photoshoot. 

The two of you couldn't be more opposite.

One of their team members confused you with a delivery person as you walked in since they ordered takeout, which is rude! 

Then Naya introduces you to them, but no one seems to pay you more attention than necessary as you close the door and cross the common ground to your room; not even a nice meeting you! gets exchanged. 

Fucking rude, they are the intruders here!

-

About an hour later, you sense Naya sliding the large glass door to the balcony where you are, the one facing the sea. 

You are sitting on one of the patio armchairs, enjoying the nightly fresh ocean breeze, finishing your "Further Math" essay, and enjoying a snack to help you not fall asleep. It indeed was a long day!

—You shouldn't be eating that crap! —Naya scolds you and gives a judging look at your bag of Cheetos as she pulls it out of your hands and into the bin, leaving you with just one in your hand. —If you want to make it into one of the good faculties, you need to stop eating this shit and start getting in shape!

Ouch, that last one hurt.

—Anyways, sorry about the chaos —Naya gives you the world's slightest smile. Human emotions aren't her thing, apparently.

—I get it. You are a superstar, so no worries.

—and I'm sorry about your mom; I lost mine too, in a different way, divorced parents; I never see her —Naya continues.

You get taken out by that comment, and by your clueless expression, she adds: —Torger told me about it —Naya explains. —Also, the part where you called him entitled rich man —a silence break comes along. —Girl!

—He was acting pretty rude!

—Maybe you took it to heart. Of course, it's a delicate subject, but Torger understands. He lost his father in the same way. He is just a very straightforward person!

—It doesn't give him the right. Please don't justify him.

—Maybe you are still too thin-skinned. Would you prefer it if Torger had told you mid-fly that the plane would crash or warned you beforehand? He did what he considered best for you.

—To act like an asshole?

—To be open honest with you. Frankly, it's a rare value around here.

—So I should be thankful to him, then? —you look at Naya and are now annoyed at her, too.

This is none of her business.

—No, I'm just saying you should think more before opening your mouth next time. It's just friendly advice; not all principals are as patient as him; under a scholarship, you don't want a report or get in trouble —Naya finishes the conversation with that before fondly patting your shoulder and informing you she is going to bed.

-

The breakfast buffet at the cafeteria is the most impressive one you have ever seen. There's just so much food!

Since it's about 6 am, Charles is sleeping, sitting next to you, head on the table, wearing a red dri-fit hoodie, not being hungry at all.

After around fifteen minutes of sharing breakfast with your new friends at the long table, you are impressed to see how much Lewis eats.

—How many more avocados are you going to eat? —you ask him with wide eyes.

Lewis mumbles something, mouth full of food that you interpret as "three more."

—Even his metabolism is fast! —Carlos jokes, finishing his bowl of berries.

As you all catch up about each other's weeks, you tell them about the Toto incident.

—I mean, it is private, isn't it?! Why Naya has to know about it?! It was a private conversation! —you mumble as you violently smash your scrambled eggs around and ask Leandra to pass you the bread before leaving it on the table again. —Why am I eating carbs?! Jesus!

They all look at you with funny expressions. Carlos tries so hard not to laugh. —You look so cute when in a crisis! —he lets you know, smiling fondly at you. Those sweet, damn big Bambi eyes make your mornings better.

—Nothing is private between those two. —Seb lets you know, looking nonchalant as if this is a common thing that happened, and as he bites the slice of avocado Lewis' is offering with his fork to his mouth.

Something clicked in Lewis's head at the sound of Toto's name. Purposely, he ignored the entire conversation and, for sure, the fact that Naya is now part of your life, not precisely by choice.

—Shit, Y/N! Right! What's your student PIN? I'll text you the invite —Lewis asks you suddenly and a bit out loud. Seconds later, after you two exchange information, a new DM pops up in your GPEA app.

It's a link to an IP address website; you enter it, and a fancy and cool as fuck video shoot, professionally shot and styled of Lewis as half a demon and half an angel, shows up along with a digital invite.

Of Saints and Sinners

Which one are you?

A Lewis Hamilton Birthday Party

Saturday 7th, 1:00 am, Buddha-Bar Monte-Carlo

Follow etiquette attached

Admission reserved

RSVP

You download the unique access QR code generated to be admitted to the party. It is attached with an agreement on the dress code for the party and all the logistics info in case you arrive there by yacht, helicopter, or car.

This is a lot! Ordinary people just text you the address and hour of their parties. God, now you are in desperate need of Leandra to hook you up with a nice outfit.

Lewis tells you, in case you need clarification on the website: —My birthday party is next week, and you are invited.

—All his parties are iconic —Leandra adds while refilling her green juice.

—And super exclusive —Lewis takes pride in it. —But I know many people, so don't expect a small gathering!

—People kill for that access QR code he just sent you —Sebastian states.

—Then thank you so much for inviting me! —you say wholeheartedly, and Lewis sweetly smiles back at you.

-

—Jesus, a lot of me is on display! —you let out as you look at your reflection in the large mirror in Leandra's dorm room while you stare at you behind.

Never in your life have you worn such a short skirt and such high heels. Leandra is thinner than you, so her two-piece white Miu Miu mini-skirt glittery see-through dress is even shorter on you, barely covering your ass, and because you are wearing the tiny matching panties, a lot of skin going on for you.

But she looks so delighted by how you are pulling the outfit.

—What?! You look so good; all boy's eyes will be on you —she reassures you as she continues applying bronzer on your cheeks and doing the final touches.

—Yes, because all of me is out and about!

Your hair looks so voluptuous and shiny, and you are so in love with it! You had no idea it could look like that! The two of you are finishing getting ready for Lewis' party, and "Angel" obviously suits you better.

—Oh, come on! Don't be such a prudest! —by looking at your hesitant and bit insecure look, Lea adds. —But I can give you one of Charles' Rick Owens white pants if you feel more comfortable wearing them on top instead of the skirt; you can slay that look, too.

—Hilarious —you say sarcastically.

—No, seriously, sometimes I wear Charles' pants. He is really petite!

—Oh, good to know in case I have a no-pants crisis!

You both laugh aloud.

—That's it, my masterpiece is complete —she informs you as she slowly steps away and looks you over. 

You turn to take a complete look at your outfit, hair, and makeup. You look like a doll in the most flattering and sexy way!

—WOW

—Yeah, wow.

—I feel like I should pay you! I owe you one, bestie.

Leandra waves her refined hand at you, dismissing your comment.

Lea looks like the hottest demon you will not sell but gift your soul to. She is rocking a Vivian Westwood skin-tight, latex, corset mini dress that fits her silhouette perfectly, accentuating her curves, irs bright red with Victorian details, making her boobs look bigger and better than ever, along with iconic platform heels and genuine pearls necklaces; her hair is sleekly style up.

—Let's mother off that party! —she lets out loud and clear as she picks up her purse and starts checking its contents. —CHARLES! WE ARE READY! CHARLIEEE! —no answer came —I hate it when he puts the headphones on; I'm sure he is playing the electric drums again! I will get him!

You two exit her room to their common grounds when you notice you left your power bank at your dorm and want to scream at the clouds.

—FUCK!! Lea, I'm going to my room to pick up my junk!

—WHAT? —she screams at you from afar. —WAIT!

As she returns to your side now with Charles, he looks you up from all angles, nodding his head non-stop. —I approve! —he gives you a thumbs up.

You laugh and blush at this interaction. —I forgot my fucking power bank and didn't charge my phone like the idiot I am; we need to go quickly to my room.

—Sure, that's no problem. We still have time, but move it, people! —Leandra starts pushing you two out and turning off the lights on your way out.

-

—Let me guess!! Leandra came up with the "Like a Virgin" concept for your outfit. It suits you —Naya tells you from the couch, where she reads a novel in a comfy-looking outfit as you exit your bedroom with a charger and power bank in hand.

Your eyes widen at her words. Shit, she hit a sensible spot. How does she keep doing that?!

She senses you tensing. —Wait! Are you?! Are you still a? Are you a virgin?!

You go red as fuck. Naya looks astounded.

—Oh, I was messing around, I didn't know. I didn't mean it! You look good, Y/N. Well, then, you really need that angel to go down to hell. Have fun!

The desperate need you feel now to ask her, "Hey, you aren't going?" starts to overpower you. Now that she knows an intimate detail about you, you want to know one about hers. But for sure, she already noticed you became close to Lewis; she is not dumb enough to fall for it and spell out what happened.

—I will, thanks. See you!

-

The limousine Lewis sent to pick up all his GPEA friends stops before you three. You are the last ones to get on it.

The looks everyone gives you as you get in are priceless. Max eyebrows go almost to the roof of the car. —You almost made my nose bleed —he jokes, but he is a bit pinkish on the cheeks. —You look gorgeous.

—You look like a fairy who works as a hooker —Pippa tells you fondly. It's pretty accurate.

To Yuki's amusement, Lando dramatically drops himself on the car floor to pretend to kiss your feet.

Charles throws himself over Max to annoy him and starts messing Max's hair around, acting all stupid before the first round of shots. Dances, alcohol, and Inna's old hits songs turn up the mood of the road trip to Monte Carlo.

When you arrive at the venue, the waiting line of cars for the dropoff point is long, but it goes faster than expected, thanks to the partying inside the limousine.

You already feel a bit tipsy when you all hit the red carpet and start throwing poses and doing group photos. 

Then you get the welcoming mezcal shots as one of the hot hostesses greets you.

-

The place is exotic and chic. The red walls match the décor, which features subtle mixtures of gilded moldings and ancient sculptures. The crowd is on fire as the welcoming DJ's set plays. 

You make your way through the many hot-looking angels and devils, hand in hand with Lea, following her around, looking for Lewis to wish him a happy birthday before things spin out of control as the night goes on.

You find him sitting on a lounge sofa near a giant Budha statue with a beautiful blond girl in his lap, instantly making your blood boil, thinking about sweet Sebastian, and you feel you are about to protest when you give a second look and really pay attention.

As soon as she sees you, the girl gets on her feet and welcomes you with a warm hug.

—I'm glad you could make it with such short notice! —Seb greets you.

—Wow, you genuinely are a beautiful angel! No worries! You didn't think I was going to miss this? —you stare at him in awe. His entirely covered-in-crystals embroidered dress is stunning, and the high heels make him look even more like a Victoria's Secret angel. His makeup is on point!

—You look so good that you almost made me feel straight —Seb jokes with you, but he means it.

—Which is a lot to say! —Lewis jokes, reaching you two and wrapping Seb in his arms, placing a hand on his ass. —You look fine —he gestures to you with his hand to spin for him. —Like FINE!

—Happy Birthday! —Leandra and you interrupt him with a hug attack, giving him lots of kisses and throwing around him the golden confetti you brought especially to do this.

—Thank you, my girls! I will meet you later at your table. We still have some things to do, right baby? —Lewis lets you know while placing small and slow kisses on Seb's lips.

You aren't sure if it's sad or honest that the last party you had with these guys was the best party of your life. So naturally, you feel really excited about how the night will unfold.

-

—Damn, you two look good —Carlos lets out aloud, biting his lip while peeking.

Carlos is bare-chested and wearing a red harness around his shoulders. His skin is glowing, his hair is messy and wet, and his tight satin red pants suit him nicely. 

You can't avoid the tingle you feel at how crazy hot he looks.

—Close your mouth —Leandra jokes with you. —Thank you, Carlos. It's the new squats routine that hottie has made me do; speaking of him, have you seen the trainer around? I'm not losing my off-campus shot with him; I have had my eye on him since day one.

—Yes, he is on that table near the exit —he points Lea where. —He came as the porniest angel you could picture.

—Mmm, delicious, those tiny shorts make him justice —Leandra follows the trainer with his gaze before letting you know she will meet you later.

—We are about to light up some in case you want to join us —Carlos offers you, but you politely decline. —I will meet you at our table then —he kisses your cheek very close to your mouth. You don't protest, and you look him walk his way to Charles and Max.

-

To your good fortune, as soon as you reach your table, you want to throw yourself out the window. Spread there on the curved sofa, to your delight, is Toto wearing a see-through wine red shirt, leaving non to the imagination, with tailored matching red pants and pointy porny shoes.

Good-ass, expensive men's shoes make you weak in the knees.

That devil turns you into a worshiper. 

Toto has his eyes set to the side, looking over the party, looking bored by being alone at the table; it seems you two are the first to arrive.

When you start to feel the need to run away, he then turns his head around, probably sensing your eyes on him, and looks straight at you.

You aren't sure if the welcoming mezcal shots are playing tricks on your mind or if he totally scanned your every corner with his eyes.

You feel your cheeks going red as you shyly try to sit in the opposite extreme, trying not to reveal far more of yourself than you should. You try to sit as far away from Toto as possible, which is not that far since it is a small arched sofa.

—Hi —his deep voice greets you as the waiter in charge of your table approaches you two.

—Can I offer you guys something to drink?

Toto, with a devilish smile on his face, grins at the sexy waitress. —We will have whatever she has been drinking before getting here —he then turns to you.

—Ahem —you look at him blankly, a bit taken out. 

—You have a reddish tint on your cheeks, but it's different from when you blush, so it must be the alcohol. I like the other better —Toto says.

That makes sense, but at the same time, it doesn't at all, so he pays you attention, huh? —I have been drinking the delicious mezcal you have been offering around —you answer looking directly at the waitress.

—Mezcal, it is, then —Toto addresses her, and she goes to get the bottle. —Feeling more at home now, Y/N? 

—Yeah, it's been unbelievable.

—That's good, you little angel with wings and all.

You turn a bit to give him a better look at the golden sparkling mesh wings Pippa gave you. —It was a last-minute touch; my friend Pippa thought the wings suited me better than hers. She said they are more in-

—More innocent looking, yeah, you have that aura on you.

The waiter then returns, placing the bottle of mezcal on the metallic golden coffee table in front of you, along with a plate with tablespoons of salt and a line of small glasses filled with different juices. You have no idea what all that is for.

Toto then slowly slides on the couch to move next to you and explain, closing the distance between you and offering you what looks like concentrated orange juice.

—These are to spice the flavor of the mezcal. You sip them after drinking the mezcal to create a blend on your palate. Try it.

And you do. You start taking the mezcal and the juice a bit too much, and quickly, Toto stops you, placing his hand on your glass, preventing you from going all in.

—It's just a bit! For to be able to taste it! —He chuckles at the funny "Oh! Fuck!" expression you are doing. —Okay, I will do the same one. I will show you how.

Then, you two move on to the following five, having lots of fun.

To Toto's amusement, the last one tasted way too lemony, and acid made you shrug your nose and make faces. He starts laughing at your expense and showing that he is tipsy, too. 

You now are walking on drunk territory.

—Stop it —you say, messing around and hitting Toto's bicep with your hand before your senses return and remember Naya's advice. Oh shit!— I'm sorry —you immediately change your tone and get serious, which he instantly picks up.

He comes closer to whisper in your ear. —We are off campus, don't worry —making all the tiny hairs in your neck stand up.

Then, you two move to the salts.

He places a tiny bit on the back of your hand. —Lick it —he instructs you, and you obey, feeling his eyes burning with every move of your tongue; you can't avoid it and dare to gaze straight at him as you slowly lick the spices.

It feels too intimate.

Then, completely surprising you, he licks the remaining salts out of your hand, his wet tongue making contact with your soft skin so that you don't waste them, and he is able to taste them, too.

And now it is your turn to do so, as he offers you the remaining salts in his hand. You feel Toto's warm skin under your tongue, and you can sense a bit of his knuckles and veins as you slowly slide, letting all the flavors into your system.

-

Suddenly, the lights dim, pinching your bubble and signaling the start of the much-anticipated live performance. 

The guests quickly hush, moving their attention to the stage, where Lewis emerges from laser lights and a cloud of white smoke. 

Wearing a dazzling white suit embroidered with rhinestones that seem to glow in the spotlight while wearing a smirk on his face, his brown eyes scan the crowd before grabbing the mic and screaming: —Let's dance this fucker off! —Lewis starts to jump energetically around while Gesaffelstein starts playing his set, making everyone go wild.

-

—Is that who I think it is? —Mick points out.

—What the fuck is Nico doing here? No way Lewis invited him —Lance answers.

—No way he sneaked in —Mick snaps back.

—You are right, but I can't believe it.

—What? That he had the nerve to show up dressed like an angel? —Mick jokes while rolling his eyes to the blonde.

-

Carlos comes to your table to steal you to the dance floor. Dancing the mezcal away makes you go back to your senses. As a new track unfolds, and you two move around, you look back at your table and notice Toto enjoying your moves from afar since lots of you is on display with every cadence.

-

When the group finally gathers, Leandra proudly lets you know she got fucked the hardest she has ever been fuck; the trainer was as good as she expected him to be. For sure, the entire bathroom, if not the whole club, heard her moan.

Then everyone starts to pass around a glass with an almost neon blue liquor, to which everyone sips a bit; you go for it, too.

After that you aren't sure how the rest of the night proceeded. 

Still, you know you had a blast, as flashes of you dancing with Mick on top of the sofa, trying Seb's long hair blonde wig in the girl's bathroom while doing poses and snapping pictures with him in the mirror, Carlos telling you you make the hottest blonde, losing a heel somewhere, taking a shot that was placed between Pipa's tits, breaking a fight between two girls over Lando and more happenings come back to you.

At some point in the night, all goes blurry and kaleidoscopic; until you feel a warm embrace, a strong pair of arms picking up your body and feeling it pressured against a firm body as a warm touch in your ass holds your skirt in place, carrying you into the limousine where Charles and Leandra are as unconscious as you.

And Toto's dark eyes, that's the last thing you remember.

-

The following day, you all feel like trash.

You and Leandra are on Charles' bed, the three of you gathered there with the AC on to the lowest setting and the blackout curtains closed, like vampires rejoicing in the cold, wet dark.

Several empty bottles of electrolytes are lying on the floor in your attempts to hydrate again to feel better.

After sleeping, only God knows how many hours, you hear your stomach roar violently. —We should order takeout —you say in the roughest voice ever.

—Tai? —Lea proposes.

—Like noodles, or what?

As soon as you say that, Charles gets on his feet at the speed of light and storms off to the bathroom, barely making it. You two overhear him puking the life out of him.

Poor baby.

-

After spending Sunday on total repair, Monday feels like a brutal awakening, back to the routine and classes.

But something feels different this time; as you cross the gardens and navigate the hallways, you sense a lot of gazes set on you on your way to the main hall, making you feel paranoid. 

"Okay, you need to calm down, girl."

But when you notice the whispering, you know something is not okay, and you find out what it is as soon as you reach your locker. 

A sign welcomes you: "Is the sad rag looking for a sugar daddy? That's not such angelic behavior for this virgin." The sign is printed along with a crop-out photo of you licking Toto's hand. The picture is zoomed in, so there are no faces for the moment, just hands and tiny bits of your costume from that night.

You start to hyperventilate and panic and jump at the contact on your shoulder. You sense Sebastian next to you, reaching closer to comfort you.

—Everything is going to be okay. Easy. Breathe —Seb softly tells you.

When you two turn around to leave for class, you notice the couple of blondes standing by the end of the hallway, looking at you.

—It's always them, isn't it? —you let out between tears and rage.

—Yes —it's all Sebastian lets out, throwing daggers at them.

Great! Now, the entire academy knows you are a sad virgin who longs for an older man. Awesome. To be continued... < Previous chapter | Masterlist | Next chapter >

Thank you for your patience and for sticking around! I hope you enjoyed the chapter. By the way, I edited a lot of the previous chapters! If you feel like reading them again, I strongly suggest it. A couple of things changed, but nothing too major, tho. Sorry! This story needed a bit of an edit.

Join us at The Wolff Pack Discord Server > https://discord.com/invite/tpgArxqbfd

[tresradiossolis]

The Superstar Theater

[Drabble]

The crowd of children who had came to see the Theater Animatronic quickly hushed each other as the lights above them went off, but the lights behind the heavy curtains framing the stage could still be seen through the cracks. As they slowly got pulled apart, they were met by a grinning jester with the face of a blazing sun, in the midst of letting out a big yawn, comically stretching out his arms as he did.

He gasps, leaping into the air before spinning around, facing the crowd of giggling children.

"Whyyy hello there!!! Is it showtime already? Oh I bet it is, I know when this many superstars are gathered in one place, my stage will light up along with you all! Soooo.."

The Sun, as he was called, knelt down and placed his hands on his knees, getting slightly closer to the crowd of little ones as his face plate steadily rotated left and right.

"Are you ready for a show? Cus I've got a doozy for you all!"

The kids responded with glee, cheering and shouting out how much they wanted to see it, and Sun balled up his hands and jumped up into the air, giddy from the excitement of the crowd.

"Well I can't wait to show you!! That is, unless my performance gets Interrupted again. You see, I've got this little thing... When the theater grows dark, something about me changes... Oh but, maybe you know about that already?"

The kids shout out to the bot, voices mixing together, but they all say the same thing.

"Moon comes out!!"

"You turn into Moon!!"

"You grow Evil!!"

Had the Sun been able to do anything but grin, their responses would've earned them a slight smile in response, excitement almost taking over, but Sun knew how to Act and stay in the role.

"Don't be afraid!!! I'm sure that the lights will stay ON, but if they don't... Don't forget that as bonafide Superstars, you can aaalway—"

Before the Sun could finish his sentence, the lights did, unceremoniously, go off, sending a loud gasp through the crowd, along with a few cries of fear from the kids. The bot freezes up, before grasping at his face while letting out groans, as if he was fighting something off from deep within himself.

"NONONO, NOT AGAIN, EVERY TIME!!! Superstars, remember, whatever happens, you got to keep the lights O—OOOUUAAH!!!"

The animatronic falls dramatically to the floor with a loud thud, the children now beginning to scramble, while those who hadn't seen the show before sat frozen from the tension and confusion.

Then, slowly, the animatronic rises up once more. However this time, something is different about it.

The trousers had appeared to change pattern, the formerly yellow-tinted metal was now accented in blue, and a nightcap had found itself onto the bot's head, snugly fitting atop it now that the sun rays had seemingly vanished around it. The light was dim but bright enough for the children to still see what was happening. Two dots of red lit up in the dark, and they began to spin and rotate around as their eyes got adjusted to the new scene.

A snicker could be heard from the performer, hoarse and strained, and a raspy voice was soon to follow as the children were grasping on to one another in their seats.

"Do my eyes deceive me, or have the lights turned off? Ooooh.... Haaah.."

A sharp inhale, voice box conjuring up such guttural sounds that somehow didn't sound human at all, but not mechanical either. It could only be likened to that of a monster. A creature stalking the night, now placed before them all on the open stage. The snicker returns, reminiscent of metal scraping against pavement, and the animatronic quickly leaps towards the edge of the stage, causing the children to yell in surprise and horror, while a select few laugh in delight from the fright.

"If the lights are off, if means it's time to sleep... It's past your bedtimes, yet here you are... Bad... Bad children..."

Another laugh, hacking and delighted, despite the words it is paired with.

"Naughty naughty... Bad children must be punished."

"NO!!"

A single, dim spotlight shines down on the animatronic, small, yet large enough to let the Sun visibly force himself out of the back of their mind, sun rays indicating his presence.

"Remember Superstars, when the lights turn off!! You got the power to turn them back on again!!! Just be brave, shout it out!!! Keep the lights ON!!!"

The Moon groans and pushes the Sun away again, head spinning 360°, as if clearing his head from the sudden invasion. The children however, had found new courage. Those who were returning for new shows knew the deal, egging on the kids that still felt uncertain of what to do. In time, the entire theater was shouting out, chanting the words;

"KEEP THE LIGHTS ON!!! KEEP THE LIGHTS ON!!!"

Slowly the lights went from dim, to slowly building up to the brightness it had before they went out, growing stronger and flickering a bit with every shout. Moon is wailing like a wounded animal, some little ones even starting to cry at the scary display, but the rest keeps going, until the theater finally is brightly lit again.

The Moon falls back.... And the Sun rises once more.

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 14.19: “Jack in the Box”

THEN: Eh, you know all this. Oh, wait, here's something interesting - a reminder that Naomi was overcome by the Empty slime. Which reminds me of my theory that Naomi and/or Duma might actually be the Empty Entity. Hmmm. Oh, and also, all the Jack stuff.

NOW: There's a bunch of hunters in the bunker, drining beer and looking at pictures of Mary and her stuff on the map table. Including the picture Sam burned. Well, I'm glad it wasn't the only copy. And whatever these rings and calipers are that are always on the map table, apparently they're permanent, because they weren't removed for this little memorial display. Also, John's journal is part of the display, and I know they gave it to Mary to read, but still, it's John's. This bothers me.

So, are these surviving AU hunters? If not, that means the Winchesters have opened the bunker up to every hunter they know (and revealed its location to everyone they know), which is... not what I would have done. TFW makes an entrance (why were they not in there with their guests) and Dean thanks them for coming and makes a little speech but I'm finding it real hard to concentrate on Dean right now because LOOK AT SAM'S SHIRT. LOOK AT IT. It's CLOSE-FITTING and it's NOT PLAID and whatever awful things this episode does (and my completely unspoiled prediction is that IT WILL DO AWFUL THINGS), we at least got this.

I strongly suspect this is actually Jared's shirt.

Dean informs the gathered that they missed the pyre, sorry. And he mentions that some of them fought Michael with her in the other world so they ARE AU hunters! Or at least some of them! Well, that's good to know. Sam doesn't have to feel personally responsible for killing everyone who came over, just a handful. Including the only one who had a name, and probably that guy who called him Chief (sob), but some of them remain. Anyway. Dean gives his eulogy (and Sam's not the only worth a second look in this scene, because Dean looks pretty amazing as well) and they drink beer and then an AXE FLIES IN OUT OF NOWHERE, SLOWLY AND AWKWARDLY SPIRALING INTO A HUNTER'S HEAD. People seem surprised, but it's the mild kind of surprise you'd get if he threw his beer at somebody, not if an axe suddenly appeared embedded in his head. The thrower of the axe walks in - it's New Bobby. WELL.

Title card! Bobby informs me that it was a hatchet, not an axe, and he wants it back. (Sidebar: It literally never occurred to me to think about the difference between a hatchet and an axe until earlier this week when I was listening to a murder podcast that specified someone was killed with one, not the other.) He also tell us that the "hunter" was actually a wraith "from a nest your mom and I busted up" and SEE, GUYS? This is why you don't invite people to the bunker. Now a bunch of wraiths probably know where it is. And we know the warding is a joke. Cas thinks Mary would have appreciated a monster at her memorial. I don't think Cas knows Mary very well but whatever.

Bobby asks Sam how he and "the other one" are doing, and we watch Dean pack up Mary's belongings (including John's journal? that's going away?) and Sam says he "seems to be doing okay" which is, of course, how they operate. No one asks how Bobby's doing, even though he had a relationship with Mary too (and over the course of her life probably spent as much time with her as Sam did, when you come right down to it), but Bobby says he's not into public displays of grief anyway, and Dean is probably the same (which is true, except for when it's very very not true).

Sam suggests they drink the scotch Ketch left (and I wonder if this means Ketch came for the memorial, and left some scotch, or if he's referring to a bottle from a previous season that somehow remained through all those events that really would have called for some serious scotch-drinking) and talk about Mom. Dean points out that they have been talking about Mom and stalks out and leaves Sam sad.

Sam and Bobby and Cas settle for beer instead, and Dean walks in just as Bobby asks "what exactly happened to her, cause I'm hearing, the kid." Oh, that's interesting that they wouldn't have given him the whole story. Or maybe it's not. Maybe it makes sense that they'd keep things vague, tell everyone she "died on a hunt." Dean needs a drink, but not in the bunker. Sam tells him they need to talk about Jack, and he says "we will" and quickly makes his escape. Bobby and Cas have this funny exchange.

I liked the kid. We fought together. But there's only way this ends.

Bobby's right. We have to find Jack and help him.

What?

Hee! Cas feels Jack might not realize what he did was wrong, and Bobby astutely points out that if he didn't realize it was wrong, that's kind of a big problem, because if Kelly's influence has been burned away, that means Lucifer is all that's left. Bobby means to hunt him down. "An unstoppable monster who don't know right from wrong gets put down." Um, Bobby, let's consider the unstoppable part of that declaration. (Also, should someone point out to Bobby that Jack accidentally killed someone even back when he did have a soul? Probably not.)

Cut to Jack, who is still? again? at an abandoned warehouse or factory or something. He's remembering what he did, and wishing his mother was there to tell him what to do. Oh, she's not here, but Hallucidad is. He tells Jack that the Winchesters don't care about him, he was just a pet and a weapon, and again, it hurts knowing that this is Jack's subconscious saying these things. Jack thinks he can explain and apologize, and if that's so, Jack, then why didn't you do that when they caught you raising Mary's not-corpse? No, says Hallucifer, they hate you.

Cut to Dean, sitting outside somewhere in the dark, crying.

This is not okay. I mean, it is, but it's not.

Heaven. (yawn.) Cas again tells Duma that he wants to see Naomi, and again she denies him. It turns out Naomi is in "a very small cell" because Heaven was invaded under her watch. I didn't think they had enough spare angels around to lock one up just because they don't think she's a good leader. She might be a great follower. (Yeah, probably not.) Cas tells her he needs help looking for Jack, who has burned through his soul and is no longer being protected by the Winchesters. Hmmm, she says, this is very useful information to have. Internally. Out loud, she tells Cas she'll see what she can do, which he of course takes as an offer to help. Oh, Cas.

Bunker. Sam's working at his computer when Dean comes back. Sam's wearing a different shirt. I don't know if that means it's the next day, or just that he changed out of his nice funeral shirt. He asks Dean how he's doing, but Dean ignores that and asks what Sam's doing.

Trying to find Jack. We've gotta find him before Bobby and his crew, because if they find him first -

He's gonna kill them all.

... I don't know.

Oh, Sam, you DO know. You are obviously concerned about Bobby et al killing Jack, not the other way around. And it breaks my heart. Sam also wants to talk about Mary and the fact that they don't have to rely on faith to know Mary's in Heaven, because they personally know Heaven and angels are real. Dicks, but real. He says Mary's in a great place, with John, because again we're forgetting or denying what we know about Heaven. Dean, the eternal ray of sunshine, points out that there wasn't enough of Mary left to bring back to life even if they wanted to.

Back to Jack, who has a surprise visitor. It's Duma! Oh, cool, she's helping Cas find him, just like she said she would! Ha ha ha nope. (Sidebar: How did Duma find him, and why doesn't Cas have the same ability? Discuss.) He remembers her from his trip to Heaven that one time he died. She tells him Mary's death wasn't his fault, and he deserves redemption after his mistake, because he has "a glorious destiny." She tells him Heaven has fallen apart since God left, and no one gives them the respect they deserve, but Jack, YOU can save Heaven and make the world better and wouldn't that make Sam and Dean happy? Their first stop on the Make The World Better Tour is to turn a famous God denier into a pillar of salt. Oh, irony. (Also, he's safe from ghosts now, so. Bonus?)

Bunker. Cas is telling the Winchesters that Heaven promised to "make every effort" to find Jack. Which 1) isn't exactly what we saw happening, unless you're naive enough to think "I'll see what I can do" means "I'll make every effort", and b) even if that is what Duma said, as Dean points out, "Oh, Heaven promised? Great, well we should take that to the bank." But Cas thinks Heaven has as much reason to want to find Jack as they do. Which is true. But doesn't mean they're going to turn him over to you, Cassie.

Coincidentally, Sam has just read about Professor Pillar of Salt. "Why does that sound familiar?" Dean asks. You know, I don't know the Bible very well. If a particular event didn't show up in "Jesus Christ Superstar" or "The Ten Commandments," I'm not likely to be familiar with it. And yet I know about Lot's wife turning into a pillar of salt. And I've never been to Heaven or met an angel. So.

Cas explains the story and says no ordinary angel could turn a human into salt. Sam reads another story about a dishonest televangelist (yeah, I know, that's redundant) who had a crevice open in the ground under her and swallow her up, and again Dean's not familiar with the story, but this time I'm not either. But Cas knows it's from the book of Numbers. Allegedly, only Jack or Chuck himself could perform these acts.

Heaven. Duma tells Jack he's doing excellent work, and he can help bring Heaven back to its previous glory.

Sam and Dean will like that?

Words can't begin to express how Sam and Dean will feel.

Hee!

So let's talk about what's going on here. I appreciate that they're framing this as Jack trying to get back into Sam and Dean's good graces. In fact, I'm a little hopeful at this point. If Jack-who-is-being-used-by-Heaven is the Big Bad, doesn't that mean stopping the Big Bad could just mean they rescue him from Duma's manipulation? Maybe? (Yeah, I know. But a girl can dream.)

Anyway. Duma's next task for Jack is to create more angels. She tells him he can't make them out of thin air, but if a human is "predisposed" to it, he might be able to forge them into an angel. Oooooh, this opens up some chilling possibilities about who could be turned into an angel. But it turns out he's not going after anybody named Winchester. He's just sitting on the throne "where your grandfather received prayers" (and where your father sat) and listening to prayers. (Sidebar: Why hasn't Sam tried to communicate with Jack by praying to him? Discuss.)

For whatever reason, he hones in on one particular group of worshippers who are about to discuss the book of Samuel (hee!) with Pastor Ames. Jack zaps into the room, asks if they meant it when they said they wanted to go to Heaven, and shows them his wings. Sold! Pastor Ames missing that demonstration, so when he comes in and calls Jack a liar, Jack hits him with another Biblical curse: "he was eaten by worms and breathed his last." Pastor Ames falls to the ground with worms popping out of him everywhere, and Jack and his future angels disappear.

Hospital. Guys, look at the suits! Have they ever worn such narrow pants? What is going on here? Someone new in the wardrobe department?

Mama like.

Agents Kilmister, Clark, and Taylor (hee) are visiting bandaged-up Pastor Ames, who identifies a photo of Jack. They leave, and Cas recites the relevant verse and Sam says, surprised, "so you think this is another Bible thing?" AS IF THAT WASN'T WHY THEY'RE HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, and as they leave, we see that Pastor Ames is not over his worm infestation after all.

Back at the bunker, Dean tells Sam that he didn't want it to come to this, but they have no choice. Come to what? What's behind the door in room 5B? It's the thing we all knew was coming - the box! (And if you didn't see it coming, the title of this episode clearly gave it away, which is why I consider titles of unaired episodes to be spoilers.) Sam, who is clearly not behind this plan in any way shape or form, points out that they don't have the ability to force Jack into the box, and he won't go in there of his own free will.

But he might. He might if he only has to stay in there long enough for us to finish the spell to fix his soul.

Spell? What spell? There is no spell.

*We* know that.

Oh, no, this is not good, and Sam already hates it.

... So, you want to lie to him.

No, I mean, I *want* Zeppelin to get back together. But what I *need*, what *we* need, is to stop Jack. Big difference. But here's the deal; we both gotta sign off on it. This might be our only shot, and if he even catches a whiff that this is a scam, he's off into the wind.

Exactly. Now, how do you think he's not gonna know something's up?

Because you're gonna be so damn sincere -

Me? Why me?

Because you've always been in his corner. You're his go-to guy. Sam, if you reach out, he'll come. If I do it, after what happened to Mom, I could lose him. I *will* lose him.

Oh no, no, no, Sam is SO not on board with this plan. Because the worst thing that could happen is that it doesn't work, and the second worst thing is that it does work. Dean is so calmly insistent, and Sam is so unhappy, and his FACE when Dean tells him HE will be sincere is just killing me, and no matter what I think about this episode or or this entire story arc, I love what the guys are doing with this scene.

Maybe it's just me, but I'm finding a silver lining here.

Sam sits down at the library table and begins praying to Jack, which doesn't answer my question of why they haven't already tried communicating with him that way. In fact, it makes me ask it harder. He tells him that they're family, and bad things happen in families but they want to get through it, they want to be like they were before. Jack hears Sam's prayer as he assembles his future angels. Meanwhile, Cas has barged his way into Heaven to rescue Jack, having figured out that Heaven has no mercy and angels do bad things, and Cas? How is this POSSIBLY news to you? Duma threatens to end Mary and John's happy little afterlife together (Is this confirmation that they really are sharing a Heaven, even though his name isn't on the door? Maybe. Do I accept it? Not necessarily) so Cas stabs her. Well. We're down to, what, ten angels now? He calls for Jack, but Jack's already gone, having just appeared in the bunker.

Jack tells Sam and Dean he's been working with Heaven, and "if it helps, I regret it... the accident."

Again, the guys do a beautiful job with this scene. Even if it's an awful, awful scene, they're acting the hell out of it. Sam is as anxious as he was when he was trapped in a cell with Jack the day he was born, the way his hands twitch when he gets up from the table and circles behind Dean, and then carefully places himself between Dean and Jack, and how he physically reacts when Jack steps closer, and they're both keeping their distance and moving so carefully, and then there's the way Dean is practically unblinking and is very obviously working SO HARD not to spontaneously combust, staying practically motionless and keeping his voice even, although anyone could tell he's absolutely BOILING under the surface from the look on his face and his tone of voice every time he says the accident. All of this is amazing.

But yeah, it is also an awful scene. Because Jack isn't guilty or apologetic at all. He's actually kind of smug about working with Heaven and making angels, and very condescending about regretting "the accident," and I just don't think he would be there. I think he would tell them how sorry he was, and that he tried to fix it, and basically everything he said to Hallucifer. He wouldn't say "I knew you'd understand" when they tell him they forgive him. His blind self-assurance would make sense if it came at the end of a 2- or 3-episode arc, where Duma had spent more than a day telling him how awesome he was. So while I love Sam and Dean in this scene, love them to pieces, Jack is just... ugh. Beyond OOC. Moving on. Dean tells Jack they're working on a way to fix his soul, and they want to keep him safe (from having another ACCIDENT) in the meanwhile. Sam oh-so-tentatively puts a hand on Jack's shoulder and dear GOD he is so afraid and I LOVE IT.

Again, quite a silver lining to this dark little raincloud.

They take him to the room with the magic box, which Dean claims is "actually pretty comfortable." Dean stays still and Sam fidgets and Jack says "okay" and climbs into the box. "How long before I can come out?" he asks. Sam is more and more fidgety as he says "not too long," and Dean is like stretched rubber band about to snap as he holds himself back from slamming the lid down. "Jack, we got this," Sam lies. "Okay," Jack says again, and he lies down and they didn't even put a pillow in the damn box, why does he think this is okay, why does he think they're working in his best interest if they didn't even give him a damn pillow? Dean shuts the lid and rushes to close the locks and Sam hates this, hates it so much.

Shhh. Don't even listen. Just turn the sound down and enjoy the pretty, pretty angst.

Alone in the box, Jack calls to the Winchesters, but they're already shutting the door to room 5B. They move to the kitchen to finish off Ketch's scotch and talk about the future.

So what do we do now? Just go on, with Jack locked up in there forever?

We have to.

I don't know if I can do that.

Dean ignores Sam's shaky voice and decides to talk about the scotch and sure, we all recognize this is Dean's way of coping. Pretend it's not happening, pretend it doesn't bother him. Because I have to think that, no matter how much he wants revenge against Jack, he understands that being locked in that box forever is still a horrible fate. (A fate Dean was willing to accept, but still.) Sam, meanwhile, needs to talk, just like he needed to talk about Mary.

You know, I never thought it would end like this, with Jack.

Sammy, we knew from the beginning it was a long shot with him.

Yeah. Yeah. But, long shots are kind of our thing.

So let's talk about Sam's guilt. His beautiful, beautiful guilt. Not only over tricking someone he loves into being locked up in a box forever, but for bringing Jack into their lives in the first place. And yet. Jack has always been unstoppable, hasn't he? So if Sam hadn't opened his humongous heart and taken him in, he would have been out there alone. No one teaching him how to use and control his powers, no one keeping him away from Lucifer. He would have been an unstoppable enemy instead of an unpredictable ally. Sam did the right thing, even though it ended bad. Because it was always going to end bad.

Have I mentioned that I could watch an entire episode that was just Dean drinking?

Back in room 5B, Jack's starting to panic, and still calling for Sam and Dean. They don't show up, but Hallucifer does (oh god, I want to see Sam find out he basically locked Jack in that box with Lucifer) and informs Jack he's been played.

In the kitchen, Cas arrives with the news that Duma has been manipulating Jack, and they really need to find him. The guys are all, oh, whoops, forgot to call you, he's here, locked in the box.

Jack gets glowy eyes and tries to break out of the box, but nothing happens.

Cas is horrified that the guys still plan to keep Jack in the box, even knowing his latest acts were due to being manipulated. Sam says "That's the problem. If he's that easily manipulated, he's too dangerous to be out of the box." Oh, no he doesn't. Instead, Dean says "He agreed to it." Yes, in much the same way Sam agreed to be Gadreel's vessel. You keep telling yourself that, Dean. In fact, Dean is trying to claim that deep down, Jack knows it's best. Oh, no, no you don't. Cas points out that Dean manipulated Jack as much as Duma did.

(Sidebar: I'm convinced that Sam would be able to forgive Jack. Because of his endless capacity for forgiveness, and because he sees himself as being in Jack's shoes at a different point in his life. Dean, on the other hand, would not. Because Dean is a normal human being when it comes to forgiveness, and because Dean puts loyalty to family above everything else.)

Box. Jack tries harder. Lucifer laughs. The box glows.

Kitchen. The arguing is interrupted by an earth-shattering kaboom. Things fall off shelves. The red emergency lights and klaxon come on. TFW leaps up and runs to room 5B. The room is a smoke-filled wreck and a figure with glowing gold eyes is walking out of the red-tinged smoke. "Jack," Sam gasps.

Duh duh duuuuuhhhh! Next week, Cas makes Dean write I knew a nephilim was more powerful than its angel parent but I assumed the box would be stronger than Jack anyway 100 times on the blackboard.

Okay, the bad happened, as we all figured it would. But let's talk about the good. Jack's not locked in the box forever. That's a relief - it would have been a very unsatisfactory conclusion. And the guys looked extraordinary. And there was so much emotion, both the tightly-controlled type, and the worn-on-his-sleeve type, and I love them both. Honestly, considering what happened in this one, and who wrote it, it was a lot better than I expected. A lot better than it could have been. (Will I go read your reactions now and see that every single one of you disagrees with me? Quite possibly.)

Next week is the next-to-last "Carry On Wayward Son."

Please help me stay unspoiled, thanks!