#YALL I WAS SUPPOSED TO WAKE UP AT 9

[kentobb]

The Bet (Part Six)

Characters: College! Sukuna x Female Reader

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Emotional Damage. Yes, ladies and gentlemen… this is the moment. Mention of smut, virginity loss. Foul Language. Physical fight perhabs? Bullying. Etc etc

Author’s note: After this part, part 7,8 and 9 will come in around five (days). I’m still working 😭 and currently am in Belgium rn. But, reading your comments make my day and push me into writing 🩷 love yall

Part 01

Sukuna woke up the next morning to the gentle light of dawn filtering through the curtains. He turned to see you lying beside him, the blanket covering your naked body, your face peaceful and serene as you slept. His heart swelled with affection as he watched you, the events of the previous night replaying in his mind.

He reached out, gently caressing your hair, his fingers threading through the silky strands. Leaning in, he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, savoring the quiet moment of intimacy. You stirred slightly but didn't wake, a small smile playing on your lips.

He carefully slipped out of bed, pulling on a pair of pants before quietly making his way to the kitchen. He found Yuuji there, already up and munching on a bowl of cereal.

"Morning," Yuuji said with a mischievous grin. "So…”

Sukuna rolled his eyes but couldn't help but chuckle. "Shut up, idiot.”

Yuuji laughed, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Thought I heard some heavy furniture rearranging going on."

Sukuna shook his head, amused. "You're impossible, you know that?"

Yuuji shrugged, grinning. "Hey, someone's got to keep things interesting around here."

Sukuna prepared a pot of coffee, the rich aroma filling the kitchen. He poured himself a cup and then set about making a hot chocolate for you, knowing it was your favorite. As he stirred the warm drink, he felt a sense of contentment and joy he hadn't known he needed.

Carrying the drinks carefully, he made his way back to the bedroom. The smell of the hot chocolate must have reached you, as you were starting to wake, eyes fluttering open. You smiled sleepily when you saw him, face lighting up with love.

"Good morning," you murmured, leaning up to kiss him.

"Morning," Sukuna replied, handing you the cup. "I made you your favorite."

You took the cup with a grateful smile, savoring the first sip of the hot chocolate. "Thank you, Kuna."

Sukuna sat down on the edge of the bed, watching you with a tender expression. "How are you feeling after last night?" he asked softly, his eyes filled with concern and love.

You blushed slightly, setting the cup down. "A little sore," you admitted, your voice shy but happy.

He leaned in, kissing your forehead gently. "My bad. I got excited. Stay in bed and rest. We will have a lazy day.”

You looked up at him, eyes shining with gratitude and love. "You don't have to do that, I know you have practice for the game."

"I want to," Sukuna insisted, his voice firm but gentle. "You mean the world to me, and I want to make sure you're okay. Plus, the game is in two days.”

You nodded, a warm feeling spreading through your chest. "Thank you."

Sukuna stayed in bed with you, despite knowing he was supposed to be at practice. His phone buzzed with calls from his teammates, but he quickly set it to "Do Not Disturb," deciding that nothing was more important than this moment with you.

He reached over to the bedside table, grabbed the remote, and turned on a movie. As the film started playing, he gently caressed your hair, his fingers moving softly through the strands. He watched you closely, observing the way your chest rose and fell with each breath, feeling the steady rhythm of your heartbeat against his.

From the living room, he heard the jingle of keys and the familiar voices of Yuuji and Choso. "We're going out," Yuuji called out.

"Okay," Sukuna replied, knowing this meant he would have the apartment for himself.

He turned his attention back to you, a smile playing on his lips. "Looks like we've got the place to ourselves," he said softly, leaning down to kiss you.

You giggled, your laughter like music to his ears. "Good, I like having you all to myself."

Sukuna laughed, positioning himself on top of yoi, bodies fitting together perfectly. He kissed you deeply, connection palpable. As he pulled back, his eyes were filled with warmth and affection.

Trailing his hand down your thigh, he felt you shiver under his touch. He looked at you, seeing the same lust and desire in your eyes that he felt coursing through him. You gazed up at him, your eyes dark and inviting.

Sukuna bit his lip, struggling to contain his own desire. "You drive me crazy, you know that?" he murmured, his voice thick with emotion.

You smiled, reaching up to touch his face. "Good," you whispered, your voice teasing. "I like knowing I have that effect on you."

The playful banter was interrupted by another kiss, this one even more intense. Sukuna's hand continued to explore, moving with a gentle yet deliberate purpose. He felt you respond, your body arching towards his touch, your breath hitching in anticipation.

The movie played in the background, forgotten as you both lose yourself in each other. Every touch, every kiss, every whispered word brought you closer, deepening your bond.

Sukuna's hands roamed over your body, memorizing every curve, every reaction. He wanted to make sure you felt as cherished and loved as you made him feel. Your hands moved up his back, your touch sending shivers down his spine.

For a moment, he paused, looking into your eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice filled with genuine concern.

You nodded, your eyes shining with trust and love. "I'm perfect," you whispered.

With a smile, Sukuna leaned down and kissed you again, pouring all his feelings into that one moment.

The next day, Sukuna walked into basketball practice, feeling a noticeable spring in his step. The entire team was abuzz with excitement since tomorrow was the big game. And he needed to be his best since he already lost one day of practice. His teammates quickly noticed the change in him—he seemed different, almost glowing with a newfound energy and happiness.

As they warmed up, Geto and Gojo exchanged knowing glances. "Look at him," Geto whispered to Gojo. "Our boy looks like he's walking on air."

Gojo smirked. "About time."

The coach blew the whistle, signaling the start of their practice play. They ran through drills, the sound of sneakers squeaking on the polished floor and the thud of the ball echoing in the gym. The heat in the gymnasium soon had everyone drenched in sweat.

"Alright, shirts off!" the coach called out, and the players quickly complied, tossing their shirts aside.

As Sukuna pulled off his shirt, a collective gasp went through the team. His back was covered in red marks, clear evidence of a…passionate night. His teammates' eyes widened, and then, almost in unison, they broke into laughter and teasing.

"Damn, Sukuna! Those are some serious battle scars!" Geto hollered, slapping Sukuna on the back.

"Looks like someone had a fun night," Todo added, winking.

Gojo, standing nearby, couldn't help but laugh. "Sukuna, I didn't know you were into competitive sports off the court too," he teased, grinning widely.

Sukuna rolled his eyes but couldn't suppress his smile. "You guys are impossible."

Geto leaned in, pretending to inspect the marks more closely. "Those scratches… so you popped your cherry?”

Sukuna chuckled, shaking his head. "Yeah, yeah.”

Gojo, still laughing, gave Sukuna a friendly nudge. "I'm happy for you, man. Seriously."

Sukuna felt a sense of relief wash over him. Despite the teasing, he knew his friends were genuinely happy for him. They knew him well enough to see that this wasn't just some girl—he was genuinely in love. And he was sure that you are the love of his life.

As practice continued, the teasing didn't stop, but it was all in good fun. Sukuna felt more connected to his team than ever. They ran through a practice play, working in perfect sync. Sukuna dribbled the ball down the court, passed it to Gojo, who feigned a shot before passing it back. Sukuna jumped, shooting the ball through the hoop with a perfect swish.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Yuuji cheered from the sidelines along with Choso, clapping loudly.

As they gathered for a break, panting and sweating, Sukuna couldn't help but feel a deep sense of gratitude. He had his team, his friends, and now, he had you. Life felt perfect…

Almost… too perfect.

The team had put in a solid practice session, and as the sun began to set, the coach blew the final whistle. "Alright, that's enough for today. Rest up for tomorrow's game. We need you all at your best," he announced.

The players dispersed, chatting and laughing as they grabbed their things. Sukuna gathered his gear, feeling a mix of excitement and anticipation for the big game. He waved to his teammates and headed toward the locker room.

As Gojo watched Sukuna leave, he noticed a familiar figure lurking by the entrance. Mei Mei. He sighed, rolling his eyes, not particularly thrilled to see her. As Sukuna walked away, oblivious, Mei Mei approached Gojo.

"So," she began, her voice dripping with curiosity, "Heard they haven’t done it. That means that sooner or later I’m receiving that call…”

Gojo chuckled, shaking his head. "You really are out of the loop, aren't you? Isn’t a little weird that you’re obsessed with his sex life?” He sighed, “But if you really want to know… they did it. And guess what? He is still in love. So whatever idea you had… it just that… an idea.”

Mei Mei's confident facade cracked, her eyes widening in shock and hurt. "What?" she whispered, the reality of her lost opportunity sinking in.

Gojo stepped closer, his expression hardening. He was fed up with her games and manipulation. “This black mail of yours? You can shove it up your ass. I’m not doing this shit anymore. You can say and do whatever you want. You know why Mei Mei?” Gojo stepped even closer, “Because no matter what you do or say, Sukuna is never coming back to you.”

Mei Mei flinched, tears welling up in her eyes.

“You have been black mailing me foe two months and haven’t do shit…" Gojo cut her off, his voice icy and ruthless. "You had your chance, and you blew it. He's happy now, and nothing you do is going to change that. You're nothing to him. Just a mistake he made once. Move on and stop embarrassing yourself."

Her tears began to fall, her composure crumbling completely. "Does hurting a woman feeling makes you feel good, Gojo?”

"Pathetic, I can’t consider you one," Gojo spat, his voice dripping with disdain. "You think you can just waltz back into his life and everything will go back to the way it was? Grow up, Mei Mei. He's with someone who actually cares about him, who he actually cares about. You? You're just a bitter memory."

Mei Mei's sobs grew louder, but Gojo didn't let up. "Do us all a favor and disappear. No one wants you here. You're nothing but a toxic presence, and Sukuna deserves better than that. Better than you."

With that, Gojo turned and walked away, leaving Mei Mei standing there, her composure shattered. She stood frozen for a moment before slumping against the wall, tears streaming down her face as she cried silently in the corner.

Gojo didn't look back. He felt a sense of justice in finally telling her off. Sukuna deserved to be happy, and he wouldn't let anyone jeopardize that, especially not Mei Mei. As he caught up with the rest of the team, he felt a weight lift from his shoulders.

Or so he thought.

Mei Mei lay on her bed, tears streaming down her face as she replayed the harsh words Gojo had hurled at her. She felt a deep sadness, a gnawing regret that things had not gone as she had hoped with Sukuna. She felt uneasy, her heart heavy with the realization that she had lost him.

The door creaked open, and Utahime entered the room they shared. She walked over to Mei Mei's side of the bed and sat down gently. "Hey, what happened?" Utahime asked softly, her voice filled with concern.

Mei Mei looked up, her eyes red and swollen. "It's over," she said, her voice breaking. "Sukuna is in love with another girl. It's not me."

Utahime's heart ached for her friend. She tried to comfort her, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Mei Mei.”

Mei Mei shook her head, tears still flowing. "I don't understand what he sees in her. She's the complete opposite of the type of girl he usually dates."

Utahime tried to soothe her but Mei Mei's sadness quickly turned into anger. Her fists clenched, and her expression hardened. "But if he wants to play like that, then lets do that. If I am loosing… he is loosing with me.”

Utahime's eyes widened with concern. "Mei Mei, what are you thinking?"

Mei Mei's eyes blazed with determination. "I'm going to tell her. I'm going to tell her about the bed.”

Utahime's heart raced with worry. "Mei Mei, do you think that’s a good idea? What are you gaining with that?”

But Mei Mei was resolute. "His lost.” She smiled through the pain.

Utahime could see the storm brewing in her friend's eyes, and she knew there was little she could do to dissuade her. She watched helplessly as Mei Mei's sadness transformed into a vengeful resolve.

"Please, Mei Mei, think about this," Utahime pleaded. "Hurting her won't make you feel better. It will only create more pain."

Mei Mei shook her head, her mind made up. "I don’t fucking care about her. This isn’t about you. This is about him.”

Utahime sighed, knowing that trying to stop Mei Mei would be futile. She could only hope that her friend would come to her senses before doing something she would regret.

Mei Mei stood up, wiping away her tears, her expression set in determination. "The game is tomorrow. I will give him revenge.” she declared, her voice filled with a mix of pain and anger, “In a cold plate.”

Utahime watched her friend leave the room, her heart heavy with worry.

The day of the big game had finally arrived, and the court was filled with people buzzing with excitement. The atmosphere was electric, the stands packed with cheering fans ready to support their team. Sukuna walked toward the court with you his side. You wore his jersey number proudly, your face adorned with makeup in the colors of his team.

"Good luck," you said, standing on your tiptoes to kiss him. Sukuna pulled you closer, deepening the kiss and touching the heart locket he had given you. You smiled against his lips, feeling the warmth of his love.

"I love you," Sukuna whispered, his eyes locking with yours.

"I love you. I’ll be watching you," you replied, your voice filled with encouragement and affection.

Sukuna reluctantly let go of you and headed to the locker room, while you made your way to the stands to find your seat. You spotted Yuuji and Choso, who waved enthusiastically when they saw you. You hugged them both tightly, feeling a sense of camaraderie and support.

"Hey, you are here!” Yuuji exclaimed, grinning widely.

"Of course, I wouldn't miss it for the world," you replied, taking your seat beside them.

Choso leaned in, a playful smirk on his face. "Ready to see your boyfriend in action?"

You nodded, your eyes sparkling with excitement. "Absolutely. I know he's going to be amazing."

The game had just started, and the energy in the court was electrifying. Players moved swiftly, and the crowd's cheers echoed throughout the gym. Gojo was on the court with Sukuna, focused on the game. Suddenly, Gojo's phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw a text message from Mei Mei:

Evil cunt: “Good luck finding a new friend 🩷.”

Gojo's eyes widened in shock as he looked up and scanned the crowd. His heart started pounding when he spotted Mei Mei making her way towards you. Panic set in as he realized what she was about to do.

"No fucking way.” Gojo muttered under his breath, his anxiety skyrocketing.

Sukuna noticed Gojo’s sudden change in demeanor. He followed Gojo's gaze and saw Mei Mei approaching you. Fear gripped him as he quickly put two and two together. Mei Mei knew about the bet and was going to tell you about it.

Sukuna’s heart raced as he made eye contact with Gojo. The unspoken understanding between them was immediate. Without a second thought, Sukuna sprinted off the court, pushing through the crowd to get to you.

Yuuji and Choso, watched in confusion as he suddenly sprinted off the court. You were bewildered, eyes following his hurried movements. In the midst of the commotion, Mei Mei slipped into the seat next to you, a sinister smile playing on her lips.

Yuuji's eyes widened in shock as he recognized Mei Mei. "What are you doing here?" he asked, suspicion lacing his voice.

Mei Mei ignored Yuuji and turned to you, pulling out a hundred-dollar bill and handing it to you. "Here, this is for Sukuna," she said sweetly, her tone dripping with malice.

You took the bill, confusion deepening. "What is this for?"

Mei Mei giggled, enjoying the unfolding drama. "It's for Sukuna. He won the bet."

Your eyes widened in shock. "What bet?"

Mei Mei's smile widened, turning vicious. "Gojo made a bet with Sukuna to hook up with the girl that nobody wanted." She looked at you up and down.

The color drained from your face as realization dawned. You were… a bet? Yuuji stood up abruptly, anger flashing in his eyes. "Get the fuck out!”

But before Mei Mei could respond, Sukuna arrived, his eyes locking onto you, holding the hundred-dollar bill, your face pale and your breaths coming in quick, shallow gasps. He could see that you were starting to have a panic attack.

Mei Mei turned to Sukuna, her smile triumphant. "She needed to know the truth," she said smugly.

Sukuna's anger flared. "What was the point of that?” he demanded, his voice trembling with fury.

Mei Mei shrugged, her expression cold. "Now we've both lost something we love," she said simply, before turning and walking away, leaving chaos in her wake.

The crowd around them had gone silent, everyone watching the unfolding drama with morbid curiosity. Whispers spread like wildfire, and you felt the weight of their judgment, embarrassed and humiliated.

Sukuna stood there, his heart pounding in his chest as he watched the scene fold. You clutched the hundred-dollar bill with your trembling hand, Sukuna felt a wave of panic wash over him. He had to fix this. He couldn’t let Mei Mei destroy everything.

Sukuna reached out to touch you, to comfort you but you slapped his hand away, your voice breaking as you spoke. "Don't. Just... don't."

Yuuji, still standing, tried to intervene. "Let's get you out of here," he said gently, looking at you with concern.

Choso joined hun, his expression serious. "Come on, let's go somewhere private."

He tried to approach you again, to say something, anything that would calm you down. “Hey, please. Let’s talk about this,” he pleaded, but you didn’t seem to hear him. Eyes were glazed over with pain and confusion, and you started to gather your things, your movements shaky and disjointed.

Sukuna’s heart broke as he saw you like this. He took a step closer, trying to reach out to you. “Please, don’t go. Just listen to me for a moment,” he begged, his voice trembling.

But you continued to walk away, your steps unsteady. Sukuna couldn’t bear it. He decided to go towards you, wrapping his arms around you in a desperate hug. You struggled against him, your hands hitting his chest as you cried out, sobs wracking your body. “Let go of me! Let go!” You screamed, your voice filled with anguish.

Sukuna held on, his own tears streaming down his face. “I’m so sorry. Please, I love you. Just listen to me,” he whispered, his voice breaking.

With a sudden burst of strength, you pushed him away, your hands trembling with rage and hurt. You slapped him hard across the face, the sound echoing in the quiet hallway. Sukuna stood there, stunned, his cheek stinging from the impact. He looked at you, his eyes filled with sorrow and desperation.

“I can explain,” he started, his voice cracking. “There was a bet at first, yes. But everything changed when I got to know you. I fell in love with you. The bet meant nothing. You mean everything to me.”

You shook your head, tears streaming down your face, ruining your makeup. “How can I believe you now? Everything was a lie. I was just a joke to you… I was just the virgin girl that you needed to fuck?” you spat, your voice filled with bitterness.

Sukuna took a step closer, his hands outstretched in a plea. “No, it wasn’t like that. I swear. You’re not a joke. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

You turned away from him, your shoulders shaking with sobs. “I feel so stupid for believing in you. For thinking that someone like you could be with someone like me,” you cried, your voice barely above a whisper.

Sukuna’s heart shattered at your words. He reached out, his voice desperate. “Please, don’t say that. I love you. I really do. Please, believe me.”

You touched the heart locket he had given you, your fingers trembling. It had been a symbol of his love, a promise he had made. But now, it felt like a cruel joke. Your hands shook violently as you grabbed the necklace, your knuckles white with the strain.

With a swift motion, you tore the necklace off and walked toward him. You thrust it into his hand, your eyes filled with tears and anger. “I don’t want to see you again,” you said, your voice breaking.

Sukuna stood there, the necklace heavy in his hand, feeling like the weight of his world had just collapsed. “Please, baby. Believe me.” he whispered, his voice raw with emotion.

But you had already turned away, walking down the hallway with your shoulders hunched, your sobs echoing in the silence. Sukuna watched you go, his heart aching with every step you took away from him. He wanted to run after you, to beg you to stay, but he knew it would only make things worse.

Sukuna stood there, heartbroken and unable to move, watching her disappear from his life. The weight of his mistake crushed him, and he felt a hollow emptiness where his heart used to be. His hands trembled, still clutching the necklace you had returned to him.

His teammates stood behind him, unsure of what to do or say. The silence was heavy, filled with the echoes of their confrontation. Gojo stepped forward, reaching out to comfort his friend. "Sukuna, I—" he began, but Sukuna pushed him away, his eyes filled with anger and pain.

Gojo covered his face, expecting a blow, but it never came. He lowered his hands and saw Sukuna breathing heavily, his chest heaving with suppressed rage and sorrow. The look in Sukuna's eyes was one of devastation, and it broke Gojo's heart to see his friend like this.

"We have a game to win," Sukuna said, his voice low and strained, trying to focus on anything but the overwhelming grief.

Geto approached cautiously, concern etched on his face. "Are you sure you'll be able to play?" he asked gently.

Sukuna didn't answer, his eyes staring blankly at the spot where you had stood. He turned and walked back towards the court, his teammates following silently. Yuuji and Choso exchanged worried glances, noticing the change in Sukuna's demeanor. The light that usually shone in his eyes was gone, replaced by a dark, burning anger.

As they returned to the game, Sukuna's rage began to manifest in his play. He was aggressive, his movements sharp and almost reckless. His teammates could feel the intensity radiating from him, a stark contrast to his usual composed self.

The game began anew, the energy in the gym electric with anticipation. Sukuna's focus was razor-sharp, but it was driven by a storm of emotions. He clenched his jaw, his muscles tense as he took his position on the court. The whistle blew, and the game resumed.

Sukuna moved with a fierce determination, his eyes locked on the ball. He intercepted a pass, charging down the court with a speed and aggression that left the opposing team scrambling to catch up. He drove to the basket, leaping into the air and slamming the ball through the hoop with a force that shook the backboard. The crowd erupted in cheers, but Sukuna's face remained stoic, his anger simmering just beneath the surface.

On defense, Sukuna was relentless. He blocked shots with a ferocity that left his opponents stunned, his movements almost violent in their intensity. He swatted the ball away, sending it flying across the court, and glared at the player he had just denied, his eyes burning with an unspoken challenge.

Yuuji and Choso watched from the sidelines, their concern growing with every passing minute. They had never seen Sukuna like this, and it scared them. He was playing to win, but the cost was evident in the raw intensity of his actions.

The game progressed, and Sukuna's relentless assault on the basket continued. He racked up points, each score a temporary distraction from the agony gnawing at his heart. The crowd cheered, but the noise barely registered in his mind.

His thoughts kept drifting back to you—the way you smiled when you were beneath him, the softness of your touch, the warmth of your embrace.

“I love you…”

And now, the way you walked away from him, the hurt and betrayal in your eyes cutting him deeper than any wound.

Sukuna's aggression on the court escalated, his anger spilling over. He pushed past defenders with more force than necessary, his movements almost violent. The opposing team tried to counter, but Sukuna was relentless, his need to drown out the pain driving him forward.

In the middle of the game, Sukuna found himself face-to-face with an opponent, their eyes locking in a silent challenge. The other player smirked, taunting Sukuna. "What's wrong, pretty boy? Got something on your mind?"

Sukuna's eyes darkened, and he drove forward, pushing the player aside with a force that sent him sprawling to the ground. The crowd gasped, and the referee blew the whistle, signaling a foul. Sukuna barely registered the call, his mind consumed by a whirlwind of emotions.

As he stood at the free-throw line, the weight of the game pressing down on him, Sukuna's hands trembled. He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but the memories kept flooding back. He could see your face, the way you looked at him with love and trust, and then the way that trust shattered when you were told the truth.

He made the free throw, the ball sailing cleanly through the hoop, but the victory felt hollow. His teammates cheered, but Sukuna's heart remained heavy.

The game continued, each play a blur of movement and emotion. Sukuna's aggression showed no signs of abating. He played like a man possessed, his focus unwavering, but the cost was evident in the raw intensity of his actions. He collided with opponents, his body moving with a ferocity that left his teammates and coaches concerned.

The final minutes of the game were a whirlwind of action. Sukuna's team was in the lead, but the margin was slim. The opposing team mounted a fierce comeback, and the tension in the gym was palpable.

Sukuna took the ball, charging down the court with a determination that bordered on desperation. He dodged defenders, his movements almost reckless, and leaped into the air for a final shot. The ball sailed through the hoop, sealing the victory for his team.

The gym erupted in cheers, but Sukuna felt none of the triumph. He stood in the middle of the court, panting heavily, his mind still trapped in the moments that had just shattered his world.

His teammates surrounded him, their joy contrasting sharply with his hollow expression. Gojo approached cautiously, his earlier fear replaced with deep concern. "We won, man," he said softly, hoping to reach his friend. But Sukuna's eyes remained distant, his mind still trapped in the moments that had just shattered his world.

The celebration felt empty to Sukuna. He walked off the court, the cheers and applause fading into the background. The victory meant nothing to him now, not when he had lost the person who meant everything. You.

In the locker room, the atmosphere was somber despite the win. Sukuna sat on the bench, staring at the floor, the necklace still clutched in his hand. His teammates gave him space, understanding the depth of his pain.

Yuuji sat beside him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "We're here for you, Sukuna," he said quietly. "We'll get through this."

Sukuna nodded slightly, but his heart was heavy with regret and sorrow. The game was over, but the battle within him had only just begun. The memories of you haunted him, a constant reminder of what he had lost.

See ya in a few days! <3

[dollfaced-erin]

𝔻𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕠𝕟'𝕤 ℂ𝕣𝕒𝕕𝕝𝕖 (Blade x F!Reader x Jing Yuan)

PART 13

PART 1 , PART 2 , PART 3 , PART 4 , PART 5 , PART 6 , PART 7 , PART 8 , PART 9 , PART 10 , PART 11 , PART 12

A/n : -

HI IM BACKKKKK sorry for disappearing so suddenly, i bet yall have been waiting and i am so so SO sorryyyy. Life news ! : I am a university student now ! I was seriously gonna update last week, but orientation week was EFFING HELL (like who tf sends me to sleep at 1, and then wake up at 5. not to mention the LINE TO THE SHOWERS-- anyways, now that things are a little more stable now, i should be updating again ! thank you for waiting and being so patient my beloveds ! Here is a little more lore dump before we get on with the main story !! I'll update that in a few days, i promise...i'm so sorry ;;-;;

Taglist : -

@rebeccawinters , @nayukiyukihira , @pix-stuff , @fluffy-koalala , @swivy123 , @starxao , @kaoyamamegami , @kimura-uzuri , @rsvye , @seikouryuu , @just-here-reading , @matsulovesyou, @sincerely-aaronette , @prettyliliy , @chibiduck , @hermosacolibri , @la-diablas-thingz , @farelady-fate , @everi-eve , @shadowfoxey , @helloyuki , @immahuman

"Lady (Y/n)...a-are you alright ?" the master diviner asked the dragon woman before her, eyes wide with concern and confusion.

"Wh...what happened...I...I don't remember what happened..." the legendary woman asked, looking at Fu Xuan with the same emotion swirling in her (e/c) eyes.

What was it that she had just witnessed earlier ? Why did she feel like something was missing from her...?

Something was indeed stolen from her.

"Lady (Y/n)...you...once you entered the Matrix of Prescience, I...I lost all connection to you. I couldn't reach your consciousness. It was as if something was in my place, watching over you instead. It blocked me out and..."

"And when I regained hold of the true reality, you and I are here, staring at each other..." Fu Xuan said, looking fearful and confused.

This wasn't something she had ever confronted before, not even past all those centuries of learning, studying, foreseeing and foretelling.

"Did you...see something...?"

"Perhaps...the Ambrosial Arbor's resurrection and the Stellaron contamination is hazing up the sea of ancient tales..."

Ambrosial....Arbor...

Stellaron...Contamination...

"My Lady ! Get back ! The infestation of the Plagues Author is overwhelming and will be breaching our ranks ! We must retreat !" called out a distant voice.

"Wh-what...?" (Y/n) muttered, feeling a blunt thumping in her head.

"No ! I mustn't hide ! He hasn't returned yet ! I must find him ! He needs me !" a familiar voice screamed out, pure terror and fear heard in her quivering voice.

The dragon lady stumbled backwards, finding it even hard to get a grasp of reality, much less balancing herself on her two feet. Her hand was put to her head, fingers digging into her head as she grimaced and winced. Eyes closed, as her ears blocked out all other noise.

"Lady Dan Jia !"

'Where...am I...?'

As she opened her eyes...she was in the dark, sinking further and further into the unknown. The darkness that engulfed her was cold, wet, and lonely...

Her tired (e/c) eyes only looked up, breaths escaping her lips forming bubbles of air varying in size and density. Her body felt heavy, head no longer pounding, as she submitted her fate to the deep unknown.

"No ! Why didn't it work ?! Why isn't she waking up !" a distraught voice screamed out through the sound of pattering rain.

It was as if a void had ripped through the space of unknown, bright light of the gloomy sky displayed before her. There was a horned man, dark brown hair shining with wetness from the rain as he held a figure tightly in his arms.

"No, no, no ! This wasn't supposed to happen ! She was supposed to survive, and she would wake up ! Why isn't she waking up ?!" the voice screamed desperately as he held the body close to his chest, tears running down his cheeks.

"Dan Jia ! D-Dan...Dan Jia ! Wake up ! Y-you were meant to awake after taking the heart ! Y-you weren't supposed to still be tied to the heart ! Why did you tie yourself to it ?!"

"Dan Jia..."

"My beloved sister..."

"Wake up...please..."

"Please...I beg you..."

"Open your eyes, sister..."

"I'm sorry..."

Tears escaped (Y/n)'s eyes as she watched the display of tragic love of siblings being displayed in front of her. The cries of Dan Feng as he cradled his sister in his arms pierced through the sound of rain.

"Now...I have no one..." the man said woefully.

"I betrayed you...I used Yingxing...I took advantage of your love towards your soulmate...I took advantage of your care to me...I took advantage of his devotion to you and his loyalty to me..."

"I had him bait you into stripping you of the Heart... our plan failed and she...she turned into a monstrosity. Because you weren't ready to give up the heart, not all power was surrendered to her...not all our authority was given to her..."

"Why...why did I force it from you...? Why did I have Yingxing bait you here ? Because I knew... you would never go against the Unpardonable Sins, if it wasn't Yingxing that wilted to the ground had his time come..."

"But now..."

Before she could hear more, the vision of the previous High Elder cradling his sister in his arms faded before her.

"Let me see her one more time..." a voice whispered, feeling defeated, relishing all hold of his fate to those who held him tight in their hold.

"Dan feng..." the slow lazy voice (Y/n) had recognized almost immediately.

"I said let me see her one more time !" The man roared, chains that held him down clashing and clanging as he refuted, his tail smashing wildly. Shackles that held him down was not spared a single glance. His skin was marred and raw from the friction, but he cared not.

All he craved for was a final glimpse of his sister, and he would go through the molting rebirth. He didn't care what they did to him. he didn't care what would happen to him after.

"Please...Jing Yuan....let me see my sister for the last time...I beg you..." the High Elder begged.

For the arrogant, high and might High Elder Imbibator Lunae to beg, kneeling on the ground by the feet of the current general of the Luofu...

"I was going to let you see her anyway. You deserve to see her one last time, at least." Jing Yuan replied, kneeling down to the level of his friend.

"Sister..." she heard as the rift before her dissipated just as the first vision did.

In that motionless space of time, she felt warm arms creeping from behind. They meant her no hostility, and she reacted not as they wrapped around her form, pulling her down. Her back then came into contact with another surface, warm and breathing, comforting and beating. Another chest.

"I'm...not her..." was the first thing that escaped her lips in that void.

"Dan Jia..." the voice replied again.

"Let me go."

And before her was the man she's been seeing constantly in her dreams. Though he wasn't real...

The man before her was a handsome man, even more so now that he was standing before her. His long brown hair flowed, his teal horns perched on his head glowing as brightly as his lustrous teal eyes. His expression was serious, without an ounce of regret that she had now addressed herself by a different name as he stood before her a few feet away.

"You are indeed still Dan Jia. You have the same face and voice, a voice I yearn to hear since you left. Yet your power...your memories...you--"

"I told you, I am not HER !" the woman screamed, hands to her heart as she screamed her lungs out, denying all the claims the man before her had spread out to the table.

"What makes you so sure that you aren't her ?"

"She may be my past..." (Y/n) said, her fan appearing in her hand.

The woman began running towards the man before her, her fan materializing in her hand.

"But she wont lead my future !"

"Ignorant." he replied, a spear forming in his hands, familiar to her eyes. But she knew it wasn't her own eyes. It was Dan Jia's.

With strength and fury running through her veins, she parried all the attacks struck by the man before her. Sparks flew from the collisions, as (Y/n) controlled her fan in her hand, sending strikes, even using telepathy and magic to control the weapon out of her hands.

The man never faltered, letting out his own lines of sorrow and reminiscence. He attacked back the woman before him, eyes clouded but expression stern.

"Your attacks are the same as hers. Your moves, your stance...it's all hers ! " He exclaimed, grabbing his spear and swinging it in her direction. "You are her ! Dan Jia !"

Suddenly the man launched up two fingers straight up. And (Y/n) gasped, feeling a tremendous amount of pain pierce her. Spears of water impaled her body, hooking her and pulling her down to the depths of the deep dark sea.

(Y/n) gasped and screamed, hands failing to try prevent herself from descending deeper into the water, familiar pain coursing through her veins. The sensation of her skin torn, her muscle and meat being torn out from her back and chest....

And the heart. The source of her power.

Or rather the lack of it.

Tears pricked her eyes as she endured the pain, her screams forming bubbles that drifted up to the surface who knows how many feet above her.

Phantom pain that coursed through her body caused her breathing to hitch, even when there was nothing at all that had even done so much as dented her skin, not even those spears.

All of that was just deep memories...

Memories...

Of Dan Jia...and her past.

Her smiles...her laughs...her dances...

Her joys and her sorrows...

And all those people appeared in her mind. Baiheng...Jingliu...Jing Yuan...Yingxing...

Where did all of them go...?

She couldn't think anymore...so she closed her eyes and let herself fall deeper and deeper.

"(Y/n), my princess..." the warm lazy voice of the man that had taken care of her since she awoke resounding loudly.

Her eyes opened to meet a vision of Jing Yuan as he helped her out of the starskiff, a warm and lazy smile playing on his lips, emotions swirling in his honey gold eyes.

But other people relapsed her mind as she reached out her hand to the man before her.

Bailu...Yanqing...Blade...Jing Yuan...

"(Y/n)..." the husky voice of the man she holds dear called out. Strong arms wrapped her figure from behind, as a head landed on her shoulder. She closed her eyes to bask in the feeling of his arms that held her close.

She was like them. Like Blade and Jing Yuan.

Blade who is just a shell of his former self and a living weapon that lives in Yingxing's shadow.

Jing Yuan who had lived for hundreds of years, but still living on no matter how much burden he had to shoulder since he was young.

(Y/n) is like them. A person who lives in the shadow of her former self, yet carries the burden, pain and memories of the person she no longer was.

Visions of her past self and current self began to surge into her, reminding her of who she once was, reminding her of who she is. The pain that surged her body was proof enough that she was still who she was trying to run from.

What Dan Feng is saying has some truth to it. But he was wrong.

She was indeed Dan Jia... but she is (Y/n) as well.

"You...killed me once..." she whispered, feeling determination consume her fragile and pure soul as she opened her eyes, bright (e/c) eyes that ebbed with the shine of a Vidyadhara High Elder.

"You took my power...and my lover..." she said, voice growing stronger as her hands as she began to channel as much energy into her arms, trying to rise to the surface.

"So don't get in the way of my future !" She screamed, powering through the pain that pulsed through her body, overcoming the suffering that kept her awake with the new resolution.

The water around her burst, releasing her from its cold and harsh conditions. Her horns and tail shone brightly alongside the power that seeped from the vibrancy of her eyes. Her fan appeared once again in her hand, and the faint tingling from the windchime earring on her right ear reminded her of herself.

Chains came up from the ground, shackling her in place, just as she had seen in her visions. Dan Feng chained down to the ground, in the shackling prison, alone and cold.

"You will pay for the sights and visions you have seen. For you and me are one of the same heart. One of the same power. One of the same High elder of the Luofu."

"I will not atone for this sins you have committed ! I refuse to be subjected to a life I did not lead myself into ! And you shouldn't let him suffer either !" she said as she pulled at the chains.

"You have nowhere to run." The man before her said.

"But I have someplace to return !" She declared back, swinging her fan powerfully as the water bent to her command, breaking the chains beneath her.

The man before her looked stunned, his long brown hair flowing freely before a warm, unfamiliar smile graced his lips. The woman before him was still as fragile as ever. Kind and gentle, as her attacks never meant to land a hit on him at all.

It was still his sister that was standing before him. All grown up. Independent.

The dragon woman before him was still fearful of him, and he didn't blame her. After all, he had caused her demise of the past...involving her without consent, with consequences spiraling out of his power.

"Very well...lead a life you would regret the least..." the dragon man before her said.

"But remember...the pain that you bring with you upon obtaining these memories and power shall be yours alone to handle."

"For blood runs thicker than water."

"She's awake ! Hurry, get the Master Diviner ! The Imbibator Saltator has awoke !" Said a bright and familiar voice.

As (Y/n) opened her eyes, she was met with the worried eyes of the current High Elder of the Vidyadhara. But for some reason...she felt particularly close to this...girl.

"Are you alright ? Try not to stress yourself out too much. You've been through a lot..." The dragon lady said.

The way her turquoise eyes shone brightly with mischief and childish delight...the way her purple hair flowed freely behind her as she ran around. The way she called (Y/n)'s name so gently and carefully.

"Baiheng...?" She said, letting the name slip past her lips without her realizing.

"No...sorry...Miss...Bailu. I let a slip of tongue a moment there..." she said, shaking her head softly as she tried to sit up.

"No, it's alright. I understand that you can still be a little disoriented !" Bailu said, brightly, handing her a cup of Immortal's Delight.

Why did she feel so...close to Bailu...?

Why...did she call Bailu...Baiheng...?

Then it hit her.

She never knew what happened to Baiheng.

She wondered what had transpired once she had been subdued to a cold and deep slumber for a couple hundred years...

But she for sure couldn't see Blade and Dan Feng's reincarnation the same way ever again...

[notiddygxthgf]

9. "daybreak"

★ pairings: plug!wakasa imaushi x f!reader

★ synopsis: the one where you have the hots for your dealer, and Wakasa is always eager to please a customer. (don't let your bf stop you from finding ur hubby)

★ content warning: smut, angst, lotta porn w a lotta plot, car sex, dealer wakasa, cheating, oral sex, sneaky link, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, sex while high, consensual drug use, mentions of abuse, unprotected sex, so much more...

★ a/n: omg. I am so sorry for disappearing for a month... finals have been cray cray.. also my grandma died rip. ive been carefully crafting this for a month and updates will flow much quicker after this!! shit gets real tho... beware. (yall know the drill, comment ur thoughts n wishes).

★ w.c.; 5.2k

previous part | next part

YOU WOKE UP TO A COLD, EMPTY BED. As the morning sun peeked lazily through the thin curtains, they cast a wam glow across the hardwood floor. Your hair was a tousled mess atop your pillow, legs still sore from the night you had shared with Wakasa – though the activities had trailed well into this morning. You opened your eyes, disoriented for a brief moment as you blinked a few times. You shifted to the right, and then realized that you were alone. 

The realization brought a pang of sadness that fluttered in your chest. You reached out to feel the empty space beside you, sweaty fingers trailing over the cool sheets – sheets that had been twisted between your fingers only a few hours earlier.

There was a sharp pain in your back as you sat up, though it didn’t compare to the overwhelming sense of loneliness that came with waking up alone. The memories of the previous night flooded your mind and filled you with a sense of longing you couldn’t deny. You recalled the way Wakasa’s eyes bore into yours, lips dripping with passionate praise as he claimed your body. Then you recalled the sound of his laughter, the hushed conversations, the gentle, intimate touches – in the quiet stillness of the morning, you were alone.

You should have known that he would leave in the morning. Thats how hook-ups usually worked. He’d had his fun with you and he vanished like thin air. Under normal circumstances, you would have thought nothing of it. Just fun. That’s all it was supposed to be.

But still, you couldn’t help but yearn for him; for the feeling of his hair between your fingers, for the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around your body. He made you melt. Was it all a lie?

Wakasa cupped your face, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through your veins. “I wish I could run away with ‘ya, doll, but we gotta be realistic,” he said, voice filled with longing. “There can’t be a happy ending for us. You know that, don’t ‘ya?”

He was right about that much. There couldn’t be a happy ending for the two of you. 

You swung your legs over the edge of the bed and let your bare feet make contact with the cool floor. The shiver you felt could have been from the sudden chill that hit your body as the sheets fell from your shoulders or the emptiness that enveloped you. You cast your gaze to the floor, feeling the heaviness in your chest again.

Just fun, you had to remind yourself. No feelings.

You slid your slippers onto your cold feet. The morning routine which once brought you a sense of comfort now felt mechanical and devoid of meaning. Going through the motions of getting out of bed, you allowed your mind to wander – and wander it did… wander right back to him.

You found yourself missing him. You couldn’t help but replay the moments of intimacy in your mind. The feeling of his lips brushing against yours, the way he let your fingers trace patterns over his tatted skin, the way he held you through the night. He was so warm – it had all felt so real and perfect. But now, with the morning light casting a harsh reality upon your heavy heart, you couldn’t help the sense of emptiness you felt at the prospect of going back to the way things had been before yesterday. 

Was that really all it was to him? You asked yourself. Were you a placeholder? A quick cum-and-go situation? 

Instead of dwelling too hard on it, you made your way to the kitchen. You felt around on the countertop for the coffee machine. Popping one of the instant coffee capsules into the top of the machine, you watched it whir to life. The familiar aroma of fresh coffee brought little solace. You stood in front of the coffee machine half asleep, heart aching with longing you knew you shouldn’t have felt. The analog clock on the stove read 12:41 PM.

Weary eyes scanning the room, you let yourself wake up little by little. Your gaze settled on the pile of blankets on the couch, which… you didn’t remember putting out there. It looked to be one big blanket draped over a pile. 

Figuring you might as well clean it up while you were still looking at it, you pushed yourself away from the counter, walking – or perhaps limping – to the couch. You had been expecting a mess beneath the blanket. What you hadn’t been expecting when you peeled back the first blanket, however, was a head of golden hair to peek out at you. 

You froze with surprise at the sight that greeted you. There, on your couch, was the White Leopard himself, the man of the evening. You hadn’t expected him to stay, so you weren’t quite sure how to process the situation. Still, your heart warmed at the sight of him, knowing he’d cared enough to stay with you – and even more to let you have the entire bed while he slept on the couch. The gesture was… well, surprisingly kind.

You couldn’t deny that you had been preparing to be left in the dust. That’s all you had ever known. Given the passionate haze of a night that lingered in your memory, however, you had found yourself wishing it would last a little longer. Seeing him asleep on your couch, you felt a mix of surprise, curiosity, and uncertainty.

Continuing to watch the man sleep, you allowed your eyes to trace the curves and contours of his feminine face. His long, golden hair peeking out from beneath a layer of deep, purple dye. The smaller strands framed his delicate features. His lips were parted just slightly, blonde lashes casting soft shadows over his cheeks. 

You were stuck by how beautiful he was in such a vulnerable state. Was this really the same criminal you had bedded last night? The alluring, passionate man who exuded such an intense air of confidence…?

You couldn’t help but feel a sense of curiosity about Wakasa as you stared down at his serene, sleeping form. Who was he beneath the surface? Who was he outside of his relationship with you, outside of his ties to the criminal world? What were his dreams, his fears, his hopes? What was his story?

It was then that you realized how little you really knew about your forbidden lover. You approached the couch slowly, drawn to him like a moth to a flame. Being careful not to wake him, you knelt beside him. The man stirred in his sleep, scrunching his nose, but he didn’t wake up. The movement made you smile softly, feeling a sense of warmth and contentment you hadn’t expected.

He was breathtaking, a symphony of beauty – the way his brows arched just so, the way his lazy, downturned eyes were just barely shut. You found yourself lost in the details, the intricacies of his face.

As you continued to watch him sleep, you felt something shift inside of you. You wanted to know more about the man in front of you. You wanted to see his ups and downs, hear more about his past with Shinichiro and Takeomi. You wanted to know about all of his dreams and aspirations, what made him tick and what made him laugh. You wanted to unravel the alluring mystery that was Imaushi Wakasa.

Your heart swelled with a newfound tenderness. You gazed softly at Wakasa, who was lost in a peaceful slumber. This was so much more than just sex to you. You wished – above anything else – that circumstances could have been different.

You picked a stray away from his face, tucking it behind his ear. Wakasa stirred, lashes fluttering as he began to wake up. You quickly pulled your hand away, heart skipping a beat.

Wakasa blinked sleepily, droopy eyes searching the room until they focused on you. A soft, lazy grin made its way onto his lips as his gaze lingered on your face. “Mornin’,” he said hoarsely.

Feeling your face warm a little bit at the sound of his morning voice, you returned the gesture. “Good morning,” You replied softly, unable to tear your eyes away from him even though you knew it would be dangerous to keep looking at him. “Well, good afternoon.”

He rolled over on the couch, tugging the blanket down so he could stretch his arms out above his head with a loud yawn. His muscles tensed, toned arms flexing above him. Your eyes wandered from his tattoos down to his chest.

Gazing at you with a mixture of admiration and curiosity, he licked his lips. “What time’s’it?” He asked, running a a hand through his hair. It looked so silky, even now after the two of you had spent the entire night rolling around.

“12:42,” You answered him, avoiding his tired gaze. “What are you doing out here?”

Wakasa shrugged. “Thought it would be best for the both of us if I slept on the couch. Figured I’d give you some space,” he explained. You understood the implications of his words, and you knew he had made the right choice. Lord knew that waking up next to him would make you fall in love. “Were you watchin’ me?”

Embarrassed, you pursed your lips.

His grin only widened, and he reached out to gently cup your cheek, turning your flustered face towards him. “You’re sweet,” he said, thumb caressing your hot skin. “You sleep well?”

You knew you shouldn’t, but you couldn’t help but lean into his touch, feeling the warmth spread from your face to the rest of your body. You knew it was foolish of you to continue indulging in his attention like this when you were walking a fine line already, but when you looked into his eyes and saw him look back at you with desire, you found yourself unable to resist him.

“We didn’t sleep until, like…” You trailed off, racking your memory while memories from last night flicked through your mind like you were rewinding a VHS tape. “Five. In the morning.”

Wakasa chuckled, sending sparks up and down your body. The two of you glanced down at his stomach when it grumbled. He laughed, “Dunno why ‘m still hungry. I ate real good last night.”

You bit your lip, letting your face burn at his words. You glanced to the kitchen, and then back at him. “You like eggs and toast?” You asked. “I haven’t gotten the chance to go grocery shopping or do much cleaning around here, sorry. I just wasn’t expecting–”

Wakasa pulled you in, locking your lips together to shut you up. The two of you parted slowly, savoring the moment, before Wakasa said, “Eggs and toast sound great.”

You licked your lips with a smile, putting some distance between the two of you for the sake of your mental health. He was dangerous, him and his lips. Wordlessly, you made your way over to the kitchen.

“How do you take your coffee?” You called, grabbing the cup of coffee that had just finished brewing and then popping another capsule into the machine.

Wakasa answered, “Two sugars, baby.”

You followed his command, popping the sugar canister open and scooping one big spoonful into the mug you had originally brewed for yourself. You let it dissolve a bit before stirring the cup in a clockwise motion.

“Here you go,” You said, setting the mug on the table. There was a clean pan on the stove already. You turned on the flame, and then reached into the cupboard above you in search of a bowl. Fetching three eggs from the fridge, you set your station for the meal you were about to make.

As you cracked the eggs into the bowl, you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your waist from behind, and a familiar warmth pressed up against your back. Biting back a gasp, you leaned into his touch. There was something else pressing into your back too, but you were trying your best not to think too hard about it.

Something was an early bird, even if Wakasa wasn’t.

“I had a great time last night, doll,” He whispered against the back of your neck, breath tickling the shell of your ear. “You always this pretty in the mornin’?”

Fighting a smile, you tried to focus on the task at hand. You added a pinch of salt to the eggs, but your attention was stolen away by the feeling of his slender fingers slipping beneath the fabric of your tee. He gripped your stomach pudge, leaning down to plant soft kisses along the valley of your neck. 

Casual, you had to remind yourself. Keep it casual.

“What happened to keepin’ it casual?” You replied, though your voice was dripping with amusement. You took the fork into your hand, sticking it into the yellow goop and attempting to whisk it. But, alas, Waka’s proximity was making it a little difficult to keep on track.

His hands roamed over your waist – warm, secure, safe. When he peppered more kisses along your jawline, you squirmed a bit, grinning hard enough to feel it in your cheeks. You dumped the egg mixture into the now heated pan, listening to the way it sizzled.

“You ain’t exactly makin’ it easy, c’mon,” he teased, nuzzling his face into your neck, and you couldn’t help but blush at his words. “I won’t tell your man.”

You turned to face Waka, bracing your arms on the kitchen counter. He was grinning at you with that affectionate twinkle in his eyes, and you found it suddenly difficult to keep your feelings to yourself. As if he had read your mind, he leaned in, and you melted into his touch. 

Your lips met in the middle, dancing against each other lazily. He brought his hands down over your thighs as you tangled a hand in his hair to deepen the kiss. They slid up to your hips, and then gripped the meat of your ass. With a hungry groan, Wakasa lifted you onto the counter.

“You don’t get tired, do you?” You panted through a mouthful of his tongue.

Wakasa chuckled – the sound was low and sultry. “Of you?” he said. “Neva’.”

Then his lips were back on yours, hot and soft. His hands found their way back to your clothes, sliding up your bare thighs and ghosting over the hem of your panties. Suddenly, you had forgotten all about the eggs on the stove.

That is, until you smelled something burning. You pulled away from him, shoving him back while you rushed to the stove. “Shit!” You exclaimed.

You turned the heat down. Using the spatula you had laid out earlier, you scraped the burnt egg bits off the side of the pan, trying your best to salvage the meal. Eggs were expensive these days.

Wakasa laughed a little as he stepped back. You couldn’t help but laugh with him as you grabbed a dish towel to wave away the smoke. Even though you were a little disappointed that your makeout session had been interrupted, you felt yourself smile as you surveyed the damage.

“Well done is good too,” He hummed.

It took a remarkable amount of strength to keep your feelings out of the mix. You waved him off with a smile, gesturing toward the table. “Make yourself useful and go set the table.”

★

Takeomi sat back in his chair, swishing the brown liquid in his glass around with an air of mild interest about him. His hair was down today, black tufts speckled with grey like pepper, falling over his scarred face. The dining table was remarkably quiet. Though, admittedly, him bringing liquor for the two of you to share was nice. Usually he downed the whole thing himself – not like he hadn’t come home shitfaced already.

“You had fun today with Shin and Benkei?” You asked him, trying to strike up a conversation. You decided you wouldn’t acknowledge the fact that he had drunk himself stupid last night already as he took another hefty swig. You were in no place to talk. Not after the night you had spent with his coworker.

“You’ll be back soon, right?” You asked.

Wakasa stretched his arms out, straddling the seat of his motorbike. He slipped the key into the ignition. “Course I will.”

Coming up behind him, you threw your arms around his waist, pressing your head to his chest. He looked so cute like this, wearing a hoodie that was a few sizes too big for his small frame. It was your boyfriend’s hoodie, of course, but that wasn’t important.

“Stay with me,” you whispered, voice still a little husky from your… post-breakfast activities. 

“You know I would if I could, doll,” the man replied. He reached behind himself to tie his loose, golden locks into a ponytail. He picked out his two signature strands to hang around his face. Turning to face you, he pressed your foreheads together.

You felt your heart fluter in your chest. You didn’t want him to leave.

“Wanna kiss you,” he chuckled, shaking his head, although he didn’t pull away from you. “But that’ll only make it harder to leave.”

“We shouldn’t,” you agreed, peering up into his soft, lazy eyes and pleading with him to stay with you. “Someone might see us.”

The distance between the two of you – or, rather, the lack thereof – remained the same, neither of you daring to break the trance. 

He leaned down a bit more. His lips ghosted over hers, warm breath fanning over her hot skin. “Yeah. Wouldn’t want that happenin’.”

Before you could object, he pressed his lips to yours in a deep, passionate kiss. You melted against him, wrapping your arms around his neck and losing yourself in the feeling. The way your lips slotted together like they were made to fit each other had you reeling for more. When the two of you finally parted, you could see the desire in his eyes, and you knew that even if he couldn’t say it, he felt the same.

“Get home safe,” You told him.

“Will do, princess,” he promised before turning the key. His bike revved to life.

Takeomi’s tired eyes observed you as you uncapped the bottle of whiskey and poured yourself another glass. “It was alright,” he deadpanned, then he paused before adding, “Look, I’m sorry about yesterday. I should’ve taken you home myself.”

You froze, only for a moment, before returning your gaze to him. It took a great amount of effort to cool the burn that threatened to crawl its way over your face at the prospect of him knowing what happened between you and Wakasa last night. “You’re fine,” you shook your head. “I wound up going to bed early anyway.” 

“Fuck,” Wakasa breathed. “Y’look good with my dick in your mouth, baby.”

He doesn’t know, you had to remind yourself. There was no way he could have known.

“Waka get you home safe?” He asked.

You rubbed the sweat off your palms onto your pants, nervously avoiding eye contact. “Yeah. We took the highway back.”

“I would’ve sent you home with, like, literally anyone else if the guys weren’t so drunk. I can’t stand him,” Your boyfriend sighed, leaning back in his chair like he knew what you had done. “Little shit thinks hes so much better than everyone else. Him and that… Brut.”

The way his hair fell into his face as he snuggled his head into the pillow was almost hypnotic. “I could treat you better. So much better, ‘know I could. I’ve never felt that for anyone before.”

“He ain’t put his hands on ‘ya, did he?” Takeomi hummed, eyes darkening suddenly with the weight of his words.

“I won’t tell your man.”

With a weak smile and a humorless chuckle, you answered, “No, baby. He knows I have a boyfriend.”

Briefly, you wondered if he could sense his presence on you. You wondered if, even though you had bathed yourself in perfume before coming here, Takeomi could smell his scent on your body, the faint essence of his expensive cologne lingering on your clothes. While the two of you had been careful not to leave marks on one another, you felt self conscious in front of him, like Wakasa’s lips had left blistering scars and love bites all over your skin. 

Takeomi only nodded at you. He reached for the bottle of whiskey and topped off his glass, taking another sip. Then, just as it had been before, the table was quiet for a few minutes.

He doesn’t know, you had to remind yourself. As your phone buzzed against your thigh, you reminded yourself that your boyfriend didn’t know who it was, even if you had only assumed it was him. A thought crossed your mind – perhaps it would serve you well to change your passcode one of these days. 

Flipping the phone screen-side-up in your lap, you swiped on the notification. The warmth returned to your cheeks with remarkable speed.

Waka

|   Image Attached

|   Thinkin of u doll

You clicked on the photo. When it blew up on your screen, you fiddled with the brightness settings. It was a picture of two eggs done sunny side up. The yolks resembled a set of tits. You could see Wakasa’s hand in the corner of the photo, holding the plate up to the camera, tatted skin reflecting light from somewhere behind the screen. 

You

|   go fk yourself

|    mine dont sit that pretty lol

Waka

|   idk wtf ur talkin abt, yours sit real pretty.

|  but i mean s been a min so

|   might need a refresher ;)

Fighting the urge to laugh at his shenanigans, you typed up your brief response quickly before turning the phone off.

You

|   no comment lol

You muted all notifications for Wakasa for the time being, setting your phone on the table as you pushed yourself up and away from the chair. 

“I’m gonna take a quick shower. I hope that’s okay,” You said.

Too wasted to comment verbally on your request, he waved you off. You dusted the hem of your shirt, stumbling drunkenly for a moment before leaving the table without so much as another word.  

★

The steamy shower provided a brief – yet much needed – moment of solace for your conflicted spirit. The hot water felt like acid against your even hotter skin, melting your troubles away and easing the pain away from your shoulders. Yet, still, it did little to ease the guilt and confusion that seemed to overwhelm you.

You had cheated on your boyfriend. You were past that part. What shocked you now was the fact that you were catching feelings for the guy you did it with. The emotions were almost too strong to bear. You felt like a monster – it all felt so wrong. 

But, shit, not to be cliche… but if that were the case then you weren’t too sure you wanted to be right. 

The man thrilled you, filled you with desires you had never felt before. In a mere month alone, he had managed to completely sweep you off of your feet. He had taken what was once a plain, boring reality and painted his name all over it.

Having already had washed your hair earlier today, you focused on working up a lather over your skin with Takeomi’s body wash – anything to help cleanse the filth from your soul.

Your mind was racing with thoughts and emotions, wondering how you had let things get to this point. 

If I could go back in time, would I do it again? You furrowed your brows. Letting your hands glide over your body on their own, you mindlessly scrubbed away at your skin. You knew you had betrayed your boyfriend by that point, having cheated on him with – of all of his coworkers – the man he appeared to despise the most. He would undoubtedly try to kill one of you if word got out that you were seeing each other behind his back. All things considered, Takeomi was a decent man, least that’s what you told yourself. You’d be doing a disservice to yourself to leave him and all of this stability behind for the pursuit of temporary happiness.

And then what? Would Wakasa eventually grow tired of you and leave you for another? You didn’t want to be blacklisted from Tokyo’s criminal world, as crazy as that may have sounded. 

Then again, it would be even more of a disservice to yourself to give what you had with Wakasa up so soon. His lips dripped with venom; His half-lidded eyes contained promises of a future you weren’t sure was even possible. 

In those eyes, you saw a reflection of your own desires – the future you desperately wanted the two of you to share. You saw a man who was both powerful and vulnerable; a man who had earned the title of one of Japan’s most feared men, a man who had swept the hair out of your face and wiped your tears away. In those eyes, you could see the weight of the responsibility he carried, knowing you only added to that burden. He led like it was second nature to him, having been well-known around these parts for the many generous sacrifices he’d made to those in his circle – your boyfriend being one of them. 

You wondered if he had ever truly allowed himself to be happy. 

But, shit, you’d be lying if you said you didn’t see the way his whole face lit up when you entered the room. It couldn’t have been a lie, not all of it, at least.

Most of all, behind those eyes, you saw a kindred spirit, someone who seemed to understand you in a way that no one else ever has before. You could see this unspoken connection that defied both logic and reason – a shared emotion that was both forbidden and undeniable.

As you stood there in the shower, you realized that you would have to face the consequences of your actions at some point. You couldn’t run from it forever – what you had done was undeniably wrong in a moral sense; no amount of reassurance from Waka or yourself would change that fact. Some day, Takeomi would find out about the two of you, and you weren’t sure if you were ready for things to come to an end so soon. 

You sighed. “I don’t want him goin’ after us.”

Wakasa’s hand found its way over to yours. “I’ll keep ‘ya safe. Promise,” he said.

You didn’t care if it was an illusion. He looked so ethereal beneath you, hair splayed out on the pillow around his face like a halo. He was so vulnerable, so perfect. Wakasa’s eyes were filled with a mixture of longing and determination. “And if ‘ya change ‘yer mind about being with him,” he said huskily, his hand reaching up to caress your cheek one more time. “I’m a call away.”

You felt your resolve crumble as you crashed your lips down on his, mouths melding together for what must have been the hundredth time that night. You moaned softly, moving your hands from his waist to the pillow beneath his head as you felt him brace his hands on your hips.

I’m not ready yet, you decided. You didn’t care if it was wrong. You didn’t care if there would be dire and extreme consequences if and when word about the two of you got out. You wanted to stay in this illusion with him a little while longer.

Warm, salty tears mixed with the water running down your face and over your quivering lips as you tried to wrap your head around it all. The thought of being hurt by Takeomi again made you feel sick to your stomach – You had seen the damage he was capable of doing to his opponents, you didn’t even want to know what he would do to you if he found out about Wakasa. Still, you had betrayed him. You knew repercussions would come eventually.

As you stepped out of the shower and dried yourself off with a towel, you swallowed your guilt. You had a clean set of clothes folded neatly atop the sink. The shirt slipped loosely over your head, though the pants took some effort to squeeze into. You gazed at your tired face in the mirror. You looked about as lost as you felt. Deciding eventually that worrying about it now wouldn’t change the eventual outcome, you sighed, reaching for the door.

“Might as well ride the train until it crashes,” you murmurred beneath your breath.

Who knows? That confrontation might be years away.

Looping around the hallway, you approached the staircase. There was that faint, distinct aroma of booze that lingered in the air – that and the familiar stench of Takeomi’s cigars. A smile adorned your lips at the thought of being able to share a smoke with him. You rarely got the chance to smoke a Cuban these days. Slowly, you made your descent down the stairs.

You could hear the TV playing something – Takeomi had moved to the living room. You guessed he was done drinking for the night. Lord knew you were too drunk to continue on yourself.

Anticipation bubbled within you as you approached the living room. Takeomi was seated on the loveseat with a cigar pinched between his thumb and index finger. His hair was a bit greasy from his day out, just faintly illuminated by the yellow light cast onto his face from the lamp in the corner. 

As your gaze met his, your anticipation was met with an unexpected sight. Takeomi’s brows were furrowed, lips pressed into a thin line. The tension that radiated from his rigid posture seemed to cast a shadow over the room. There was a storm brewing behind his eyes.

Your heart skipped a beat, then two, your smile dropping from your face. Concern etched itself across your expression. The soft pitter-patter of your bare, damp feet on the hardwood floor seemed to echo louder in the charged atmosphere.

“Is something the matter?” You asked, doing your best to keep your tone gentle despite the hint of unease that lingered behind your words.

“Yeah,” he answered. The end of his cigar crackled as he took a long, hefty hit.

Confusion washed over you. A flicker of worry cast a cloud over your sunny disposition. You approached him slowly, steps tentative. “What’s up?” You asked him.

Takeomi’s gaze met yours, anger flashing behind his dark eyes. His voice, once a drunken, slurred murmur, now carried the weight of his emotion. Wordlessly, reached into his lap and produced your phone, holding it out toward you.

It took a moment for your eyes to adjust to the screen, widening when they did. The warmth in the room dissipated, replaced by a chilling silence that hung heavily in the air.

“You’re fucking my coworker?” He spoke, voice tinged with a mixture of hurt and anger.

And in a moment’s width, your world had flipped upside down.

a/n: dun dun dunnnnnn!! -- ok im sorry for the cliffhanger, shit is about to get juicy, trust. I just wanna take a moment to thank each and every one of you reading rn for all of ur unwavering support. the amount of love this fic has gotten during the past month ive been on hiatus has kept me going thru difficult times, I dont think yall will ever understand the impact you've had on me. ur comments make my day!! (please leave more I love u all mwah mwah mwah). as for next chapter, strap in. remember the angst and craziness I warned yall abt last month? yeah. get ready. lmk what u think as always and feel free to comment or reblog with any thoughts, suggestions or just to say hello, mawmah loves u all&lt;3

I obviously do not own tokyo revengers or anything related to it. please do not reproduce, copy, or translate my works anywhere. dont fk w me im a bruja.

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wanna join the taglist for wakasa imaushi? | or click here to read more

[truths33k3r4]

CHAPTER 2: Always There to Catch You

" Shouldn't we wake her up? Ask her who she is?? What if she's a threat?... A threat we just let into our home???"

Raph had a point there. They had no idea who they had saved or what she was capable of. Mikey knew Raph could be harsh sometimes- ok, ALL the time, but his bluntness usually stemmed from his being protective of his family. He wouldn't be caught dead saying it outloud, but Raph loved his family dearly.

Mikey remembered a time when he was around 6 and Raph was 9. They were practicing climbing up ropes in Ninja Training. Raph was always the fastest to learn when it came to THAT particular subject. It was almost like the lessons and techniques Sensei taught just clicked in his brain. He was the first to reach the top platform, barely beating Leo. Don wasn't too far behind, and quickly joined his brothers on the top of the 10 foot platform.... But Mikey, being the youngest and having the shortest of limbs, was really struggling. He was about 8 feet above the ground when his strength started to drain from his exhausted tiny body. He tried with all his might to scramble up and join his victorious brothers, but as he reached his hand, he slipped and lost his grip on the rope. Flinging backwards and waving his arms frantically, his descent began. The wind in his face stung as his eyes began to water. Then rather suddenly his form FROZE midair. A sharp, burning pain started to sear his right ankle. Now hanging upside down, Mikey lurched his head to see his ankle had been tangled in his rope.

AND IT REALLY HURT.

Tears streamed down his face as he panicked. His eyes squinted tight trying to ignore the growing burn from his ankle. The rope kept squeezing. Tighter. And TIGHTER. AND TIGHTER. He started getting lightheaded as the oxygen left his brain. The screaming little voice in his head slowly slurred into a fog.

But just as he began losing consciousness, he felt a small hand grab his shoulder and pull him up onto something hard and smooth. Mikey clung to whatever it was, hoping it would save him from the scariness of what was happening. His eyes were still sealed shut as he heard a voice.

" I GOT YOU, BRO!! "

At the familiar sound of his brother, Mikey felt safe enough and opened his eyes. There, between his very tight hold around his neck, was Raph. He had reacted immediately to seeing Mikey in distress. Plus he knew that ankles aren't supposed to be that color.. He climbed down Mikey's rope, pulled him on top of his shell, and began his climb down. However, with the now added weight, it proved too much for Raph, as he too, lost his grip.

Mikey screamed and climbed up onto Raph's face like a koala on a tree in the middle of a forest fire. It was an understandable reaction, but Raph didn't appreciate not being able to see on TOP of sliding down at a faster and faster pace. The skin on his hands ripped and tore as the weaves of the rope sliced into them. But despite the horrible discomfort, Raph didn't let go.

With a loud THUD they had landed back to the ground at the base of the platform. Splinter ran to them and scooped both of them into his arms. ( Much to Raph's chagrin.. Mikey loved it though.)

" MY SONS! Are you alright? Are you hurt? Let me see!"

Splinter gently sandwiched Mikey's face between his hands as he searched for any injuries.

" Papa.. My foot hurts."

Splinter looked down to see Mikey's ankle, swollen in colors of black and blue. As he tended to it, calling Don and Leo to fetch ice from the freezer, Raph stayed close by, hiding his hands behind his back. Raph was always the toughest of his siblings. But no matter how he tried to hide it, he loved his family, and would do anything for them. ANYTHING.

Hope you enjoyed this! Apologies it's so short. :) I'm still working on the story, and I'm pretty new to all this. ;) Have a great day yall!

~ Melissa

Masterpost <- PRIOR CHAPTER NEXT CHAPTER ->

[shuxiii]

Everyday pt. 9

Hanni Pham x reader pt1, pt2, pt3, pt4, pt5, pt6, pt7, pt8, pt9, pt10, pt11, pt12, pt13

a/n yall ask for a daerin crumb but ill apologize in advance teehee, credits ''every day'' by David levithan

Day 6007

I wake up the next morning in Beyoncé’s body.

Not the real Beyoncé. But a body remarkably like hers. All the curves in all the right places.

I open my eyes to a blur. I reach for the glasses on the night-stand, but they’re not there. So I stumble into the bathroom and put in my contact lenses.

Then I look in the mirror.

I am not pretty. I am not beautiful.

I’m top-to-bottom gorgeous.

I am always happiest when I am just attractive enough. Meaning: other people won’t find me unattractive. Meaning: I make a positive impression. Meaning: my life is not defined by my attractiveness, because that brings its own perils as well as its own rewards.

Shim Ja-yoon’s life is defined by her attractiveness. Beauty can come naturally, but it’s hard to be stunning by accident. A lot of work has gone into this face, this body. I’m sure there’s a complete morning regimen that I’m supposed to undergo before heading into the day.

I don’t want to have any part of it, though. With girls like Yoon, I just want to shake them, and tell them that no matter how hard they fight it, these teenage looks aren’t going to last forever, and that there are much better foundations to build a life upon than how attractive you are. But there’s no way for me to get that message across. My only course of rebellion is to leave her eyebrows unplucked for the day.

I access where I am, and discover I’m only about fifteen minutes away from Hanni.

A good sign.

I log on to my email and find a message from her.

Yn,

I’m free and have the car today. I told my mom I have errands.

Want to be one of my errands?

H

I tell her yes. A million times yes.

Yoon’s parents are away for the weekend. Her older brother, is in charge. I worry he’s going to give me a hassle, but he’s got his own things to do, as he tells me repeatedly. I tell him I won’t stand in his way.

“You’re going out in that?” he asks.

Normally, when an older brother asks this, it means a skirt is too short, or too much cleavage is showing. But in this case, I think he’s saying I’m still dressed as the private Yoon, not the public one.

I don’t really care, but I have to respect the fact that Yoon would care—probably very much. So I go back and change, and even put on some makeup. I’m fascinated by the life Yoon must lead, being such a knockout. Like being very short or very tall, it must change your whole perspective on the world. If other people see you differently, you’ll end up seeing them differently, too.

Even her brother defers to her in a way I bet he wouldn’t if she were normal-looking. He doesn’t blink when I tell him I’m going out for the day with my friend Hanni.

If your beauty is unquestioned, so many other things can go unquestioned as well.

The minute I get into the car, Hanni bursts out laughing.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” she says.

“What?” I say. Then I get it.

“What?” she mocks me. I’m happy she feels comfortable enough to do it, but I’m still being mocked.

“You have to understand—you’re the first person to ever know me in more than one body. I’m not used to this. I don’t know how you’re going to react.”

This makes her a little more serious.

“I’m sorry. It’s just that you’re this super hot pretty girl. It makes it very hard for me to have a mental image of you. I keep having to change it.”

“Picture me however you want to picture me. Because odds are, that’ll be more true than any of the bodies you see me in.”

“I think my imagination needs a little more time to catch up to the situation, okay?”

“Okay. Now, where to?”

“Since we’ve already been to the ocean, I figured today we’d go to a forest.”

So off we go, into the woods.

It’s not like last time. The radio is on, but we’re not singing along. We’re sharing the same space, but our thoughts are spreading outside of it.

I want to hold her hand, but I sense it wouldn’t work. I know she’s not going to reach for my hand, not unless I need it. This is the problem with being so beautiful—it can render you untouchable. And this is the problem with being in a new body each day—the history is there, but it’s not visible. It has to be different from last time, because I am different.

We talk a little about Jiwon; Hanni called her house a second time yesterday, just to see what would happen. Jiwon’s father answered, and when Hanni introduced herself as a friend, he said that Jiwon had gone away to deal with some things, and left it at that. Both Hanni and I decide to take this as a good sign.

We talk some more, but not about anything that matters. I want to cut through the awkwardness, have Hanni treat me like her boyfriend or girlfriend again. But I can’t. I’m not.

We get to the park and navigate ourselves away from the other weekenders. Hanni finds us a secluded picnic area, and surprises me by taking a feast from the trunk.

I watch as she picks everything out of the picnic hamper. Cheeses. French bread. Hummus. Olives. Salads. Chips. Salsa.

“Are you a vegetarian?” I ask, based on the evidence in front of me.

She nods.

“Why?”

“Because I have this theory that when we die, every animal that we’ve eaten has a chance at eating us back. So if you’re a carnivore and you add up all the animals you’ve eaten—well, that’s a long time in purgatory, being chewed.”

“Really?”

She laughs. “No. I’m just sick of the question. I mean, I’m vegetarian because I think it’s wrong to eat other sentient creatures. And it sucks for the environment.”

“Fair enough.” I don’t tell her how many times I’ve accidentally eaten meat while I’ve been in a vegetarian’s body. It’s just not something I remember to check for. It’s usually the friends’ reactions that alert me. I once made a vegan really, really sick at a McDonald’s.

Over lunch, we make more small talk. It’s not until we’ve put away the picnic and are walking through the woods that the real words come out.

“I need to know what you want,” she says.

“I want us to be together.” I say it before I can think it over.

She keeps walking. I keep walking alongside her.

“But we can’t be together. You realize that, don’t you?”

“No. I don’t realize that.”

Now she stops. Puts her hand on my shoulder.

“You need to realize it. I can care about you. You can care about me. But we can’t be together.”

It’s so ridiculous, but I ask, “Why?”

“Why? Because one morning you could wake up on the other side of the country. Because I feel like I’m meeting a new person every time I see you. Because you can’t be there for me. Because I don’t think I can like you no matter what. Not like this.”

“Why can’t you like me like this?”

“It’s too much. You’re too perfect right now. I can’t imagine being with someone like … you.”

“But don’t look at her—look at me.”

“I can’t see beyond her, okay? And there’s also Minj. I have to think of Minji.”

“No, you don’t.”

“You don’t know, okay? How many waking hours were you in there? Fourteen? Fifteen? Did you really get to know everything about her while you were in there? Everything about me?”

“You like her because she’s a lost girl. Believe me, I’ve seen it happen before. But do you know what happens to people who love lost girls? They become lost themselves. Without fail.”

“You don’t know me—”

“But I know how this works! I know what she’s like. She doesn’t care about you nearly as much as you care about her. She doesn’t care about you nearly as much as I care about you.”

“Stop! Just stop.”

But I can’t. “What do you think would happen if she met me in this body? What if the three of us went out? How much attention do you think she’d pay you? Because she doesn’t care about who you are. I happen to think you are about a thousand times more attractive than Yoon is. But do you really think she’d be able to keep her hands to herself if she had a chance?”

“She’s not like that.”

“Are you sure? Are you really sure?”

“Fine,” Hanni says. “Let me call her.”

Despite my immediate protests, she dials her number and, when she answers, says she has a friend in town that she wants her to meet. Maybe we could all go for dinner? She says fine, but not until Hanni says it’ll be her treat.

Once she hangs up, we just hang there.

“Happy?” she asks.

“I have no idea,” I tell her honestly.

“Me either.”

“When are we meeting her?”

“Six.”

“Okay,” I say. “In the meantime, I want to tell you everything, and I want you to tell me everything in return.”

It’s so much easier when we’re talking about things that are real. We don’t have to remind ourselves what the point is, because we’re right there in it.

She asks me when I first knew.

“I was probably four or five. Obviously, I knew before that about changing bodies, having a different mom and dad each day. Or grandmother or babysitter or whoever. There was always someone to take care of me, and I assumed that was just what living was—a new life every morning. If I got something wrong—a name, a place, a rule—people would correct me. There was never that big a disturbance. I didn’t think of myself as a boy or a girl—I never have. I would just think of myself as a boy or a girl for a day. It was like a different set of clothes.

“The thing that ended up tripping me up was the concept of tomorrow. Because after a while, I started to notice—people kept talking about doing things tomorrow. Together. And if I argued, I would get strange looks. For everyone else, there always seemed to be a tomorrow together. But not for me. I’d say, ‘You won’t be there,’ and they’d say, ‘Of course I’ll be there.’ And then I’d wake up, and they wouldn’t be. And my new parents would have no idea why I was so upset.

“There were only two options—something was wrong with everyone else, or something was wrong with me. Because either they were tricking themselves into thinking there was a tomorrow together, or I was the only person who was leaving.”

Hanni asks, “Did you try to hold on?”

I tell her, “I’m sure I did. But I don’t remember it now. I remember crying and protesting—I told you about that. But the rest? I’m not sure. I mean, do you remember a lot about when you were five?”

She shakes her head. “Not really. I remember my mom bringing me and my sister to the shoe store to get new shoes before kindergarten started. I remember learning that a green light meant go and red meant stop. I remember coloring them in, and the teacher being a little confused about how to explain yellow. I think she told us to treat it the same as red.”

“I learned my letters quickly,” I tell her. “I remember the teachers being surprised that I knew them. I imagine they were just as surprised the next day, when I’d forgotten them.”

“A five-year-old probably wouldn’t notice taking a day off.”

“Probably. I don’t know.”

“I keep asking Minji about it, you know. The day you were her. And it’s amazing how clear her fake memories are. She doesn’t disagree when I say we went to the beach, but she doesn’t really remember it, either.”

“Soobin, the twin, was like that, too. He didn’t notice anything wrong. But when I asked him about meeting you for coffee, he didn’t remember it at all. He remembered he was at Starbucks—his mind accounted for the time. But it wasn’t what actually happened.”

“Maybe they remember what you want them to remember.”

“I’ve thought about that. I wish I knew for sure.”

We walk farther. Circle a tree with our fingers.

“What about love?” she asks. “Have you ever been in love?”

“I don’t know that you’d call it love,” I say. “I’ve had crushes, for sure. And there have been days where I’ve really regretted leaving. There were even one or two people I tried to find, but that didn’t work out. The closest was this girl Danielle.”

“Tell me about her.”

“It was about a year ago. I was working at a movie theater, and she was in town, visiting her cousins, and when she went to get some popcorn, we flirted a little, and it just became this … spark. It was this small, one-screen movie theater, and when the movie was running, my job was pretty slow. I think she missed the second half of the movie, because she came back out and started talking to me more. I ended up having to tell her what happened, so she could pretend she’d been in there most of the time. At the end, she asked for my email, and I made up an email address.”

“Like you did for me.”

“Exactly like I did for you. And she emailed me later that night, and left the next day to go back home to Maine, and that proved to be ideal, because then the rest of our relationship could be online. I’d been wearing a name tag, so I had to give her that first name, but I made up a last name, and then I made up an online profile using some of the photos from the real girl’s profile. I think her name was Haerin.”

“Oh—so you were a girl?”

“Yeah,” I say. “Does that matter?”

“No,” she tells me. “I guess not.” But I can tell it does. A little. Again, her mental picture needs adjustment.

“So we’d email almost every day. We’d even chat. And while I couldn’t tell her what was really happening—I emailed her from some very strange places—I still felt like I had something out there in the world that was consistently mine, and that was a pretty new feeling. The only problem was, she wanted more. More photos. Then she wanted to Skype. Then, after about a month of these intense conversations, she started talking about visiting again. Her aunt and uncle had already invited her back, and summer was coming.”

“Uh-oh.”

“Yup—uh-oh. I couldn’t figure out a way around it. And the more I tried to dodge it, the more she noticed. All of our conversations became about us. Every now and then, a tangent would get in there, but she’d always drag it back. So I had to end it. Because there wasn’t going to be a tomorrow for us.”

“Why didn’t you tell her the truth?”

“Because I didn’t think she could take it. Because I didn’t trust her enough, I guess.”

“So you called it off.”

“I told her I’d met someone else. I borrowed photos from the body I was in at the time. I changed my fake profile’s relationship status. Danielle never wanted to talk to me again.”

“Poor girl.”

“I know. After that, I promised myself I wouldn’t get into any more virtual entanglements, as easy as they might seem to be. Because what’s the point of something virtual if it doesn’t end up being real? And I could never give anyone something real. I could only give them deception.”

“Like impersonating their girlfriends,” Hanni says.

“Yeah. But you have to understand—you were the exception to the rule. And I didn’t want it to be based on deception. Which is why you’re the first person I’ve ever told.”

“The funny thing is, you say it like it’s so unusual that you’ve only done it once. But I bet a whole lot of people go through their lives without ever telling the truth, not really. And they wake up in the same body and the same life every single morning.”

“Why? What aren’t you telling me?”

Hanni looks me in the eye. “If I’m not telling you something, it’s for a reason. Just because you trust me, it doesn’t mean I have to automatically trust you. Trust doesn’t work like that.”

“That’s fair.”

“I know it is. But enough of that. Tell me about—I don’t know—third grade.”

The conversation continues. She learns the reason I now have to access information about allergies before eating anything (after having been nearly killed by a strawberry when I was nine), and I learn the origin of her fear of bunny rabbits (a particularly malevolent creature named Swizzle that liked to escape its cage and sleep on people’s faces). She learns about the best mom I ever had (a water park is involved), and I learn about the highs and lows of living with the same mother for your entire life, about how no one can make you angrier, but how you can’t really love anyone more. She learns that I haven’t always been in Maryland, but I move great distances only when the body I’m in moves great distances. I learn that she’s never been on an airplane.

She still keeps a physical space between us—there will be no leaning on shoulders or holding hands right now. But if our bodies keep apart, our words do not. I don’t mind that.

We return to the car and pick at the remains of the picnic. Then we walk around and talk some more. I am astonished at the number of lives I can remember to tell Hanni about, and she is amazed that her single life bears as many stories as my multiple one. Because her normal existence is so foreign to me, so intriguing to me, it starts to feel a little more interesting to her as well.

I could go on like this until midnight. But at five-fifteen, Hanni looks at her phone and says, “We better get going. Minji will be waiting for us.”

Somehow, I’d managed to forget.

It should be a foregone conclusion. I am a seriously attractive girl. Minji is a typically jerk.

I am hoping that Hanni’s theory is right, and that Yoon will only remember what I want her to remember, or what her mind wants her to remember. Not that I’m going to take this far—all I need is confirmation of Minji’s willingness, not actual contact.

Hanni’s picked a clam house off the highway. True to form, I confirm that Yoon doesn’t have any shellfish allergies. In truth, Yoon has tricked herself into thinking she’s “allergic” to a number of things, as a way of narrowing down her diet. But shellfish never hit that particular watch list.

When she walks into the room, heads actually turn. Most of them are attached to men a good thirty years older than her. I’m sure she’s used to it, but it freaks me out.

Even though Hanni was concerned about Minji having to wait for us, she ends up coming ten minutes after we do. The look on her face when she first sees me is priceless—when Hanni said she had a friend in town, Yoon was not what she pictured. She gives Hanni her hello, but she’s gaping at me when he does.

We take our seats. At first I’m so focused on her reaction that I don’t notice Hanni’s. She’s receding into herself, suddenly quiet, suddenly timid. I can’t tell whether it’s Minji’s presence that’s making this happen, or whether it’s the combination of her presence and mine.

We’ve been so wrapped up in our own day that we haven’t really prepared for this. So when Minji starts asking the obvious questions—how do Hanni and I know each other, and how come she hasn’t heard about me before—I have to jump into the breach. For Hanni, fabrication is a ruminative act, whereas lying is a part of my necessary nature.

I tell her that my mother and Hanni’s mother were best friends in high school. I’m now living in Los Angeles (why not?), auditioning for TV shows (because I can). My mother and I are visiting the East Coast for a week, and she wanted to check in on her old friend. Hanni and I have seen each other off and on through the years, but this is the first time in a while.

Minji appears to be hanging on my every word, but she isn’t listening at all. I brush her leg “accidentally” under the table. She pretends she doesn’t notice. Hanni pretends, too.

I’m brazen, but careful with my brazenness. I touch Hanni’s hand a few times when I’m making a point, so it doesn’t seem so unusual when I do it to Minji. I mention a Hollywood star that I once kissed at a party, but make it clear that it was no big deal.

I want Minji to flirt back, but she appears incapable. Especially once there’s food in front of her. Then the order of attention goes: food, then Yoon, then Hanni. I dip my crab cakes in tartar sauce, and imagine Yoon yelling at me for doing so.

When the food is finished, she focuses back on me. Hanni comes alive a little and tries to mimic my movements, first by holding her hand. She doesn’t move away, but she doesn’t seem all that into it; she acts like she’s embarrassing Hanni. I figure this is a good sign.

Finally, Hanni says she has to go to the ladies’ room. This is my chance to get her to do something irredeemable, get her to see who she truly is.

I start with the leg move. This time, with Hanni gone, she doesn’t move her leg away.

“Hello there,” I say.

“Hello,” she says back. And smiles.

“What are you doing after this?” I ask.

“After dinner?”

“Yeah, after dinner.”

“I don’t know.”

“Maybe we should do something,” I suggest.

“Yeah. Sure.”

“Maybe just the two of us.”

Click. She finally gets it.

I move in. Touch her hand. Say, “I think that would be fun.”

I need her to lean in to me. I need her to give in to what she wants. I need her to take it one step further. All it takes is a yes.

She looks around, to see if Hanni is near, and to see if the other guys in the room are seeing this happen.

“Whoa,” she says.

“It’s okay,” I tell her. “I really like you.”

She sits back. Shakes her head. “Um … no.”

I’ve been too forward. She needs it to be her idea.

“Why not?” I ask.

She looks at me like I’m a complete idiot.

“Why not?” she says. “How about Hanni? Jeez.”

I’m trying to think of a comeback for that, but there isn’t one. And it doesn’t even matter, because at this point, Hanni returns to the table.

“I don’t want this,” she says. “Stop.”

Minji, fool that she is, thinks she’s talking to her.

“I’m not doing anything!” she protests, her leg firmly back on his side of the booth. “Your friend here is a little out of control.”

“I don’t want this,” she repeats.

“It’s okay,” I say. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be!” Minji yells. “God, I don’t know how they do things in California, but here, you don’t act like that.” she stands up. I steal a glance at her slight flush ears and see that despite her denials, my flirtation did have at least one effect. But I can’t really point it out to Hanni.

“I’m gonna go,” she says. Then, as if to prove something, she kisses Hanni right in front of me. “Thanks, baby,” she says. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

She doesn’t bother saying goodbye to me.

Hanni and I sit back down.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her again.

“No, it’s my fault. I should’ve known.”

I’m waiting for the I told you so … and then it comes.

“I told you that you don’t understand. You can’t understand us,” she says.

The check comes. I try to pay, but she waves me off.

“It’s not your money,” she says. And that hurts just as much as anything else.

I know she wants the night to end. I know she wants to drop me off at home, just so she can call Minji and apologize, and make everything right with her again.

[rigil-kentauris]

9 people you’d like to get to know better

tagged by @valerianvault

Three Ships: JUST THREE???

i am ALSO on that ffxiv juice and as yall MAY have guessed from all my aymericposting its wol/aymeric.

id be here all night if i did ffxiv ships so moving on.

hm.

hm.

ffxiv has really taken oven my brain space huh? tbqh the other games im playing rn arent big shipping arenas for me. what do you ship in frostpunk? coal x generator fics i suppose. if youve got time to fuck youve got time to truck in some more steel from the steel pile. extended shifts for everyone.

this is where i would have put my feh ships if feh wasnt dead to me

well i could put bylad/claude three houses here. power couple of the century. going to get an emulator/mod at some point to restore justice in s supports. i havent got anything against bylass ships but usually the way people write her drives me fucking INSANE.

hm what for three. ugh. ugh. ugh i said no more ffxiv. but i would be lying if - and would LOVE to lie about it though - i would be lying if i tried to act like cidnero hasnt consumed at minimum 15% of my waking thoughts in recent months. its like a fucking perplexus sphere. a very Puzzle. like the rct2(?) roller coaster auto complete function. i WILL figure it out. whatever It is. but everytime i solve a piece another puzzle pops up. gonna reduce this fucking fraction youll see. youll all see.

First Ever Ship: lol. so way back when, my sister was trying to tell me her Lame Older Sister about this cool new thing called shipping. which i was NOT getting at all. and she, i would imagine because of the relative mainstream awareness at the time and the largely practical fact that i knew what marvel movies were, decided to offer the example of 'its like What If iron man and captain america were together'

which i thought was patently silly. i dont remember why now. i think my main objection was that it did not happen, and why would people spend so much time thinking about things that did not happen.

well anyway. tale old as time i thought it was very funny to ironically talk about it. and then it was not ironic anymore. so it goes.

Last Song: well according to my phone music app it was of the night by bastille.

Last Movie: hm what WAS the last movie i watched? i havent watched a movie in a minute. well we're going to be rewatching the gran turismo movie probably tonight. i liked it quite a bit in the theater (went to an empty matinée).

Currently Reading: UGH still slogging through Utopia. im at a part where it seems tommy has lost the thread, so, its difficult. and then my friend wrote a book! and im very excited to read the new draft

Currently Watching: SCAVENGERS REIGN!!!! a very beautiful and thought provoking show about a group of people who get stranded on an alien planet and how they interact with that biosphere and themselves. the animation is beautiful and colorful. it is on hbo max or whereever you receive hbo products. the last episodes drop today idk if i can handle it

Currently Consuming: nothing because i just woke up. im going to haul myself out of bed for some frosted shredded miniature wheats soon i hope

Currently Craving: anything but frosted shredded miniature wheats. bacon cheese egg wrap. chocolate chip brioch bun. pasta. hm i might be hungry. lets say Food

Tagging: @czigonas @plaidypus @lieutenantk thanks for joing me on my breadmaking saga yesterday.

[specialmouse]

I know you just posted paragraphs but do you have more tidbits about your OCs?

I do ofc ofc.. i'll give you everything i know..

davyne and opal arent all that fleshed out tbh like idk their backstories or anything. The script is about davyne realizing no one is watching her sets anymore so she puts blood capsules in her mouth before performing and pretends to cough up blood during dont let me be misunderstood by nina simone. Davyne pretends shes dying and opal posts the video to tiktok and it goes (relatively) viral (idk if tiktok would actually allow something they thought was real blood up there but idk and idk if this would even go viral LMAO), and the next gig she has the bar is completely packed and people are filming. Then davyne does a dramatic monologue, puts two blood capsules between her teeth and bites them then spits into the crowd, and starts lipsyncing to maybe this time LMAO it’s very heavyhanded. I titled it hard pill

The script with maryam and chunxiu are from is called venture. Chunxiu is 36, mixed as fuck because it’s 200 years later but his mom values her chinese heritage so she named him that. He was born on a wealthy space station and had access to the best education. He’s quite conceited and completely unaware of it; he thinks he earned his degree because he was smart, and he is, but it’s mostly because he was rich and had connections. Maryam is from Lebanon, which technically doesn’t exist anymore but the people there carry the name on (is lebanon an exonym? I couldnt really find an answer in the brief search i just did). They are one of the recipients of the rimco intergalactic scholar awards, which is where they take up 100 kids from earth each year based on their “academic promise”; it’s really a pr thing, because no one goes to school anymore. Maryam has been in space for 9 years when the script starts.

basically they go to a planet that's made just of a gelatinous clear ocean and a beach made of glass shards, with volcanoes on the seabed. it's like, literally nothing. it's supposed to be a one and done mission, in and out. chunxiu at this point has been to 30 planets to scout for a lack of life and he's getting angry at all of this; he's a biologist, he has a phd, he's meant for more than scanning things and finding nothing! he had actually found something a few years prior, several species of cyanobacteria, and it meant he had found alien life in the universe; then rimco had the laws changed as to what constituted life and it meant that he actually hadn't. so he's incredibly salty about that. anyway chunxiu and maryam have a discussion that reveals their disparate backgrounds and it goes into the ravaging of earth that the corporations have left behind, highlighting chunxiu's (and by extension anyone rich enough to life in space's) ignorance to what the corporations are up to, and have done in the past. they go to sleep, wake up, and it cuts to the pilot sent to retrieve them doing "peer review" (lazily doing their job again)-- and out in the ocean they see this blob creature with eyes like the moon that orbits the planet, and they're like HOLY SHIT LOOK LOOK WHAT IS THAT and the pilot kills it immediately. and theyre like WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU and hes like do yall not know protocol..? oh wait i forgot they dont tell the techies shit. and walks away and theyre left there to be like ohhhh fuck. even if we find it they're killing it and we're not even important enough for them to tell us anything. and that's where it ends but i imagine they'd go on to start a revolution or something idk. havent gotten there yet

sooo about the harrisons... i named cash after cash bundren from as i lay dying by faulkner, silas and celeste were from my great-great grandparents and i named andy that because he wants to go by andrew to seem more manly but everyone still calls him andy. i might change his name to laurie/laurence for the same effect. andy is older than cash but cash was always the more masculine one, he was a massive bully but handsome enough and he got more girls and more attention than andy ever did, who was more sensitive and shy.

andy moved out of the town when he was 23 to new york to become a writer (this was in the late seventies, mind) and while he was able to find work as a journalist, he never really became a published author, and wasn't of much acclaim either. celeste was one of the prettiest girls in town growing up but she didn't have much aspiration. everyone in the town was poor but celeste was even poorer. she married cash when she was 18 and cash was 24; andy was 27 at this point. they had a series of miscarriages for five years straight until they had silas. cash had become a cadet in that time and was working his way up the police force. as soon as silas was born, cash's anger turned into abuse; physical abuse as well as alcohol. andy only came home to go to their great-aunt's funeral (used it as an excuse to get out of doing a pop culture piece he found distasteful; i'll figure out what it would be in 1989 with some google searches, idk). in 1997 cash shoots himself in the head in their garage after a drunken bender, but not before penning a three page letter to andy. the content of the letter is nonsense, blaming everyone in his life for his struggles, saying they (celeste, his coworkers, silas, the child celeste is pregnant with (that's not actually his), the dogs) are of the devil, saying he's fighting against children of satan, etc. andy, who is now in his 40s, hasn't had a major relationship in 10 years and is rather worse for wear. he receives the letter, and uses it as an excuse to visit celeste, who is now widowed. he doesn't see this as him taking his husband's widow, but rather him saving her from a life of single motherhood. the script is celeste and andy talking to each other and it becoming increasingly clear what andy's motives are. the conversation gets more and more tense as his not-so-pure intentions are laid bare to the grieving, over-worked celeste, and she throws him out. as andy drives away, he sees a kid beating up another child in the front lawn of the neighbor's. the kid leaves the other on the ground and makes eye contact with andy as he's come to a stop. it is clear (through dialogue from earlier in the script) that this is silas, and that his father's ways have already been instilled in him. end of script!

[goth-oatmilk-latte]

so this is also a friendly reminder that if you want to work in death care they will not give a fuck about your sick days.

for context, i text my manager at 5:45am today, after (involuntarily) throwing up my dinner last night, trying to sleep that off, and waking up with a fever and nausea from probably my caffeine bender (see prev post from this morning!)

didnt hear back, called back around 8 after i almost puked on myself to make sure he got my message, which he said he didnt (?) and i said i was sick and had a fever but i could maybe see around noon how i felt, but no promises bc id felt like this all night. "okay well dont bring that in here"

not even an hour later i get a text "hey so when are you gonna come in for your service later? we had 4 new families this weekend, i really need you"

first of all, pause. *i* dont have a service later. that was the other director. second, i said AFTER noon. it was hardly 9:15. third, im literally in bed covered in sweat AND shivering bc i STILL HAVE A FEVER FROM AN HOUR AGO I HAVENT SLEPT OFF YET HELLO. fourth, when i called him he literally said "if youre nauseous and have a fever, dont bring that in here." WHICH ONE IS IT?

so you know what, nope, this is now oatmilk bueller's day off. yalls poor planning isnt my fault, plus my manager literally was off almost a week and a half sick with covid and me and the other guy had to figure it all out alone, but it's a problem when i have a fever, and the MANAGER cant MANAGE. okay. it's only ever a big deal when i need a sick or personal day, when anyone else needs one, it's fine and im supposed to pick up all their work too. fuck no. finna let doctor dog and his three nurse cats help me feel better today, i feel like trash.

[revrw]

𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙞𝙢𝙚

;; hyunjin x y/n oneshot

-> desc : y/n finds herself stuck repeating the same thing everyday. why was this happening to her ? will she finally break free ?

-> 881 words

-> a/n : since this is my first upload, i wanted to start off with something nice and sweet,, hope yall like it <33

©revrw

I quickly packed my stuff as the clock was ticking.

I was running late for my graduation party. Thank god my friend had called me earlier to remind me of it.

Out of nowhere, Hyunjin went out of his room and spotted me trying to leave.

“Where are you going?” he pouted.

“Now's not the time,” I carried my bag and put on my shoes. I looked at the clock, it was 9:14 am.

He always finds ways to tick me off. I'm already running late and talking to him feels like a chore.

He stood there and folded his arms, still with a pout on his face, a sign showing that he's mad.

Once I was done with my shoes, I stood up and looked at him. Deep down I felt bad for ignoring him but I really could not stand having to waste my time for him. I had places to be.

He was pointing at my cheeks, signalling that he wanted me to kiss it.

“Sorry I gotta go and bye-” I had already gotten out the door.

Soon, the party was over and I got home. Thank goodness I did not stay out late.

I got home and saw him asleep. I smiled and caressed his cheeks. 

“I'm really sorry for rushing off just now,” I muttered. I noticed his brows furrowed. My heart sank.

I retreated back to my room and drifted off to sleep with a heavy heart.

next day-

I got up and found out that it was still morning.

I grabbed my phone and took a look at the time.

8:59 am.

Hyunjin must have gone to work by then because today is Monday.

My eyes examined the date stated on my phone. 

“Huh?” i was beyond confusion.

Yesterday's date was stated on my phone. Yesterday was a Sunday.

“Perhaps it's a malfunction?” I corrected the date to today's.

Then I got up and decided to eat since I couldn't go back to sleep.

I was passing by his room and he was still asleep.

Weird. 

Isn't he supposed to report to work?

I went over to him to wake him up.

“Hyunjin baby. Today's Monday. Come on, get up, you have work.”

He opened one eye and looked at me.

“What do you mean? Today's Sunday you walnut. I clearly remember we went out yesterday. And what day was that? A Saturday. Don't you have your party thingy today? ” He waved off and went back to sleep.

He was right, we did go out on Saturday. Was I dreaming all along?

I kept pondering whether I was in my right state of mind. I went to the living room and saw that the carrot sticks that I had finished the morning before were still present. 

He couldn't have bought those. He hates carrots.

Then my phone rang.

“Hello-”

“Y/n, where are you? The party's gonna start in less than 30 minutes!” my friend yelled, which is the exact same words as yesterday.

I went to get ready without knowing why and exactly like yesterday, at 9:14 am, Hyunjin came out of his room pouting.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Now's not the time,” I did the exact same thing as yesterday.

“Sorry I gotta go and bye-” I left the house. I arrived at the party the same time as yesterday. 

Strange. The question is, why is everything repeating?

next day-

The same thing happened again. 

Why is everything recurring?

I questioned again why but decided that today I should start doing something different. Don’t want to be start in this loophole over and over again.

“Where are you going?” Hyunjin asked as he pouted. It was exactly 9:14 am too.

“To the party,” I said a different thing this time.

He folded his arms and pouted. He then pointed to his cheeks, clearly wanting a kiss. I looked at the time and it was the time I must leave. 

But one peck won't hurt right?

I went to him and squeezed him tightly, pecking his cheeks at the same time. He seemed to be in a good mood now.

“Now hurry and don't be late,” he smiled gleefully.

He said something different from yesterday ....yesterday.

I got to the party and arrived late this time round.

I didn't care though, all I wanted was to break this cursed deja vu I'm experiencing.

next day- 

I got up, expecting Hyunjin to still be sleeping but he was gone.

I found a note stuck to a plate of food on the table.

‘ Good morning sunshine, today's Monday. You know what that means, I'll be busy and may come home around midnight? I made you breakfast too. Love you ! ’

I smiled knowing that my trick did do its work. I carried on with the rest of the day.

It then suddenly hit me.

I have been quite pissed at him lately because I've been too selfish. I hated him because of my pathetic reason. A single action may seem nothing but means a lot, especially in relationships.

Even though I'm so curious as to why this recurring event happened to me, it made me realise that things happen for a reason.

I should be nicer to him afterall.

[forestryfae]

i dont. understand. when are they expecting us to be able to do laundry. i have an hour in the morning i guess but i physically cant get myself out of bed unless its absolutely the last minute and they dont wait for you to hang up your laundry, theyll just drive away from you.

theres also an hour right after i come home from work but generally i need it to change clothes or shower and to regain some of my energy.

after dinner theres like 2 hours but jesus christ i JUST got back from work and i share laundryday with another guy, i have no idea how much laundry hes gonna do

then theres a meeting every other monday and a dumb bullshit hike that takes like 2 hours then were back around 7:30 or 8 i think and generally after a long tiring hike where noone waits for you so you dont get even one break even tho your legs are burning there isnt much energy for laundry. and then theres that one meal we get afterwards as a reward or whatever for the hike and then at 9 they lock the laundryroom.

so theres like 1 and a half hours there too ig but who has the fucking energy. we need showers too. and to eat. so like yeah theres like a few hours here and there and one load of laundry takes half an hour with the big machine but thats still a very tight schedule. esp considering they REALLY want us to go on the hikes cus its An AcTiViTy ThAtS gOoD fOr YoU.

like. i have limited energy and i only have so much time in the day. i can only do so much in one day before i run out of energy and i need to be allowed to be tired and need to rest too. i dont function well on tuesday evenings specifically because im exhausted. its why i take wednesdays and fridays off. i need the extra rest and time. like. idk how to even explain it without sounding lazy and whiny and kinda pathetic for not being able to do a million things a day back to back. but i actually need time to decompress and shit. idk.

the point ismondays are a shit day to do laundry, i dont want to do it on wednesdays cus i like to have time off but im expected to clean my room the millisecond i wake up and im more often than not woken up with "good morning, what are you going to do today, i think you should do laundry and cleanyour room" like thanks now i cant get out of bed until 12 and i cant do anything i was planning to do cus yall wont stop fucking pestering me if i dont do whats expected of me every single minute im alive, and they never fucking check when i actually do clean and usually cleaning my room results in 'you missed a spot'. like why even botver. its so fucking stressfull and i dont know how to stop bekng stressed and when people try to help they make it worse and itpisses me off so much, i hate having people mess witvmy stuff and moving shit around and touching fucking dirty clothes then moving clean stuff.

like jesus christ im allowed to be tired. i need to be allowed to have hobbies and free time that doesnt result in my brain being occupied by being pissed cus someone told me what im Supposed to do instead of just allowing me to fucking do what i need or want to do. like can i get five fucking minutes where i dont feel guilty cus i dont shower fast enough or i dont mop the floor fast enough and i dont walk fast enough and im not strong enough to just do shit without ever getting tired or needing rest.

were not even doing real therapy rn, i wanted a psychologist and i still havent gotten one, i wanted to talk to the economics guy and i still havent been able to, i cant talk to anyone who isnt my primary contact and i have no idea how to even reach out to her plus shes not always working so i dont always see her, and like. a lot of the time i feel like whatever i say is just Too Emotional and its not actually worth the time but my guy my parents have been treating me like i dont deserve to exist in front of them since i was a fucking toddler and when i got bullied in school my parents thought that was my own fault for getting angry that i was being treated like shit. i didnt fucking grow up with people who cared about me unless it suited them, im fucking allowed to be upset and confused and terrified and worried about shit. it makes perfect sense that i dont understand any fucking thing and im struggling so fucking much. i should be getting help and getting rid of the shitty fucking house and getting diagnosed and maybe even medicated. i should be in fucking therapy and i should be talking to SOMEONE about shit instead of sitting in my room crying every weekend cus i dont know whats wrong with me and im starting to get worried that im just too fucked up to be fixable or atleast able to be liked by people

in other news the laundrymachine was taken and theres stuff hanging to dry cus the people working here did laundry today and now i have to wait until saturday and i have like 2 tshirts and 2 pants and one bra and one sweater thats clean and that will not last until monday

[teethandclawsxx]

vent. big one . probably warning for medical stuff but ultimately i dont have the brain for tagging so read at your own risk LOL

in a violent and killing mood btw. my sheets dont stay on my bed for long and usually it wakes me up . but this time it didnt and my phone got slid up under my shoulder and mustve turned the alarm off like as soon as it started bc it didnt wake me up either. and tomorrow i was supposed to have a test done but i have to drink like 2l of barium for it (it just says two bottles but skerples did a similar test and it was 2l) and it has to be done within two hours but every time ive even had to drink like. 2l in 8 hours for tests i end up projectile vomiting bc my stomach gets so overfilled it just comes back out the top end bc the stuff takes hours to pass into my intestines. thats literally what the doc told me its caused by. so idk how they expect me to be able to drink 2l in 2hour. and ive got other labs to do on thursday and idk if the barium will effect that but ive already rescheduled it once day of and now im gonna have to do so again bc theres No Way im gonna be able to do it bc im not going to be able to sleep again before then and i cant eat after midnight but i also am not going to be able to eat BEFORE midnight bc its already 9 and my stomach is upset from being stressed about sleeping too long n bc when i got mad abt it dad started yelling at me and then he was like well yall tear me a new asshole when i get mad and i was just like well no. we tell you to stop yelling At Us when youre mad but we dont even yell at you. youre just yelling at me and telling me not to be angry. pointless and not the same. plus i normally cant eat for a few hours after waking up ANYWAY so mby the time i would be doing the test itll be like. ~20 hours since id eaten and that just isnt going to work. so i gotta reschedule it again but like in the next couple months im gonna lose my insurance bc im unemployed. but im unemployed bc im too sick to work so i NEED to have insurance but who cares if i live or die ig 🥴 and they said the main test they want to do will probably be 6mo after the barium test (its to check for crohns) so its not like im gonna be able to do it anyyyywayyy i just hope the labs on thursday come back quick enough. she said it could take up to a month so im scheduled to see her again like. 7/14 i think sonim just hoping that i still have insurance then and she can diagnose me with SOMETHING even though i doubt it and also that i still have insurance and can get my next 3mo of t but tbh even if i do have insurance i probably cant afford it... i already knew i probably wouldnt be able to stay on it longer than 9mo but id hate to have to stop after just 6 literally only bc it still costs like $65 WITH insurance (idk why bc like. my first set was only $5. the only difference is the newer set has preservatives but idk why it has to)..... basically. fuck

[mrfutureboy]

tmi i guess but how many days can i throw up from anxiety before my shift before i have to tell my supervisors. its happened 3 times already out of 4 days i worked (called off one day which was humiliating but honestly necessary)

[golbrocklovely]

remember me // colby brock (pt 2)

A/N: as i mentioned before in a different post, this took me FOREVER to write. i loved writing this story but something about it just made me drag it out for so long. nonetheless, i love this and i'm excited to see what you all think. please lmk what you thought about this. thank you to everyone that has supported me and sent me kind messages. yall are the best ! hope you enjoy :) also lmk if you want another part...

prompt: she's the only one that remembers colby, or so they both thought.

trigger warning: ANGST, heartbreak, AU mention, friendship problems, cursing, happy-ish ending (but not the end...?), kissing

word count: 5526

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Colby was relieved that the waitress, the only one that remembered him, decided to help. The moment she agreed, Colby gave her his number and left. She texted him not too long after, and he realized for a moment she never said her name. He planned to ask her the next day when they decided to meet up at his place.

It was weird to come back to his apartment, knowing that down the hall his best friend, his brother, lived there and didn't know who he was. Usually when Colby felt lonely, he would walk down the hall to Sam's and hang out for a bit. It was always nice to talk to Sam about anything and everything.

But now... he couldn't do that.

Colby tried to sleep during the night, but barely any rest came from it. He tossed and turned, hoping that when he would wake up, this would all just be some weird-ass nightmare.

When his cell phone rang the next morning at 9:34 A.M., it was an unfamiliar ringtone. As he rubbed his eyes awake, he glanced at the caller, the name 'Waitress' appearing on his screen.

I guess this wasn’t a dream after all.

"Yeah?" Colby groaned, squinting his eyes at the sunlight.

Her voice came through cheery, the tone too loud in Colby’s ears. “Let me up to your apartment. I'm here.”

He cleared his throat. “This early?”

“I figured you would want your normal life back as soon as possible, yeah?” She sassed.

He rolled his eyes. “Alright, give me a second. I'll come down and get you.”

Colby stumbled out of bed, running his fingers through his hair as he threw on a random shirt and jeans, slowly trudging down to the lobby of his apartment. She sat on a couch, tapping her foot against the carpeted floors. Her eyes were staring out the door, almost like she was looking at someone. When she heard Colby’s footsteps, her gaze pulled away from outside.

“Did I wake you?” She frowned, grabbing her bag next to her and standing up.

He shook his head. “You can't really be woken up if you barely slept.”

“I'm sorry to hear that.” She lightly bit her lip, following Colby to the elevator.

He shrugged tiredly. “It's okay.”

They both slowly got into the elevator, climbing up to Colby's floor. The loud 'ding' of the elevator broke their silence moments later. They walked to Colby's apartment, and he unlocked his door quickly.

She whistled quietly. “Woah, nice place.”

A half smile spread across Colby’s face. “Thanks.”

“No offense, but how do you pay for this place if you're not a social media person?” She questioned, stepping into the kitchen.

He raised an eyebrow. “That's... a good question. From what my mom told me over the phone yesterday, I worked all throughout high school and college, so maybe it's from that?”

“You only worked at Dairy Queen while you were in high school. You must have gotten a better job in college because there is no way you can afford this place.” She disagreed.

Colby smirked. “How'd you know I worked at Dairy Queen?”

“Well, for starters, my friend told me. And also, I did some research about you. But I'll get to that in a second.” She continued, her voice falling to a serious tone, “So... would you like to hear my theories?”

“Theories?” He puzzled.

“As to why everyone forgot about you.” The waitress explained.

Colby sat down on his barstool, exhaling. “Let's hear it.”

“Okay. For argument sakes, you're gonna have to just go with me on this. Because otherwise, I literally have no way to help you.” She started, already pacing slightly.

He cautioned. “...okay?”

“So last night, I tried to think of a reason why everyone would collectively forget about you. And the only conclusion I could come up with is that you're in an alternative universe.” She hypothesized.

Colby’s eyes widened, bugging out of his head. “A what?”

“An alternative universe. Basically, everything is pretty much the same in your life, except a few minor details,” she revealed. “That’s why you still live in this apartment, but you didn’t get here the same way you did in your other life, your real life.”

“This... it's way too early for this.” He grumbled, astonished.

She sighed, her hands resting on her hips. “The only other option is that this is a very long-winded prank that your friends are still pulling on you. Have you tried talking to any of your other friends besides Sam?”

“No, everyone else’s number is gone in my phone, which I can only assume means they don’t know me either.” Colby retorted. Then he took a deep breath as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “But, this doesn't make sense. How did I end up here if this isn't my life?”

“I’m not sure how you got here, but I think you’re here for a specific reason. I think you’re here to right a wrong that this Colby Brock did. I’m just… not entirely sure what that wrong might be.” She answered, unsure.

He huffed. “Okay… what am I supposed to do then? Stay here and hope we figure that out soon? I don't even know who I am in this universe.”

“And that's where my research comes into play.” She pulled a laptop from her bag quickly, placing it down on the counter and opening it. She scrolled through her browsers until she came across Colby's Facebook, which surprisingly looked active for someone who hadn't been personally on it in years.

I use Facebook? Gross.

“First, I started by seeing if you and Sam were friends on here, but that didn’t amount to much since Sam doesn’t have a Facebook. However, what I found out is that you and Sam did live in the same town, go to the same high school, and played in the same marching band. Sam talked about his early years before he was ‘famous’ in one of the first videos he posted, and I crossed referenced that with your profile and it all matches up.” She informed.

“That's strange,” he mumbled. “What did we do after high school?”

She stated. “You went off to college and majored in Business Management with a minor in Philosophy. You graduated early too.”

Me? Graduating early? I couldn’t even get through math without Sam’s help.

“What did Sam do?” He asked.

The waitress scrolled to another tab, opening it to show a search of Sam. “Well, a very quick Google search shows that he actually went to the same college as you but dropped out once his Vine career started to pick up. Then he went on to Musical.ly when Vine died. He moved out to LA in 2017 and started a YouTube channel after he met Katrina, and slowly met all of his- your, friends that way. He got a bump of followers once he started dating Kat because of her following.”

Colby’s mouth gaped at her words. “That can't be true. He would have never wanted that. I mean, I had to convince him that we should be on social media so that we could spread our message. Plus, he hates those channels that use their relationship for views.”

“Not this version of Sam. Or at least, it doesn't seem like it.” She commented.

He covered his face, groaning into his hands. “What the hell am I here for? What wrong have I done in this universe?”

Her voice low, she replied. “I think it might have to do with Sam.”

“But... he doesn't know me.” He dissented, sitting up.

She nodded. “I thought so too. However, after scrolling through all of your public photos, I found this.”

Colby squinted at the screen, an old photo of him and Sam stared back. They looked super young, probably sophomores in high school. They were both smiling, laughing at something. He vaguely remembered this day.

“So, we did know each other.” He bit his lip softly.

She hummed. “Yeah. And weirdly, it’s the only photo of the two of you on your profile. But it’s not the only strange thing.”

Scrolling to a different tab, she pulled up an old tweet of Sam’s. It read ‘Never thought you would be the one to hurt me. But I guess everyone can be surprising.’

Colby noted the date. “That was back in high school.”

“Yeah, and there’s a bunch like them. He talks about being betrayed and someone hurting him deeply. He never mentions, of course. But his tweets line up with some that you were tweeting at the same time.” She confessed.

The waitress clicked on a different tab and another tweet showed up, one from Colby’s account. He gazed at it, reading the words ‘If you hate me… imagine how I feel about myself.’

Colby’s face dropped. “Wait, what?”

“You don’t tweet that often, but when you do, you talk about righting wrongs and fixing things you fucked up.” She added, “You also hate on yourself a lot.”

He doubted, crossing his arms. “You think they’re connected?”

“I do. I think in this universe you fucked up somehow and hurt Sam. And I think you are here now to fix what the other you did.” She explained.

He ranted. “This is all so fucked! When I saw him yesterday, he acted like he didn’t even know me. How am I supposed to even go about this? What, do I just go down the hall and apologize for something I don’t even remember doing?”

“No. Sam's not in his apartment anyway. I saw him leave while I was waiting for you.” She mentioned nonchalantly.

He grunted. “Great, he could be anywhere in LA right now.”

“I know exactly where he is.” She smirked.

“What? How?” He questioned.

The waitress divulged. “This version of Sam has a favorite restaurant he goes to all the time. A lot of his fans know about it, thus one look through any of his fan accounts and you'll see it. It's called ‘Paradise’.”

“Sounds like a strip club.” Colby deadpanned.

She pouted. “It's not. But he goes there all the time, and I got us a table there last minute.”

“What exactly are we gonna do when we get there?” He crossed his arms.

“I was planning on going up to his table and talking to him, maybe asking him about you, see how he reacts.” She described.

Colby furrowed his brow, confused. “And what about me?”

She slid her laptop into her bag, zipping it up hastily. “Well… I didn’t really think that far ahead. But hopefully, whatever you did is forgivable, and we can just fix it right there.”

He murmured. “That's a lot to hope for.”

“It's better than sitting here and wasting daylight.” She grabbed her stuff and headed for the door. Colby followed suit, grabbing his keys.

He spoke as he locked his door. “What if this doesn’t work?”

She turned back to him. “It will. It has to.”

~~~

Paradise was a themed restaurant, which Colby thought was strange because his Sam never really liked those types of restaurants. The theme was nice, however, tropical and Hawaiian. It felt like something he, Sam, and a few friends would have gone to after a fun, drunk night.

As Colby and the waitress were escorted to their table, they both kept an eye out for Sam, glancing around nervously for the blonde boy.

“I think the worst thing about this universe version of me is how messy my car is,” Colby joked. “It’s like I live out of it.”

She shrugged, smiling. “It wasn’t that bad.”

“You should see my real car. My honey wagon is spotless.” He expressed, waving his hand.

“Honey wagon?” She queried.

“Long story,” he chuckled. Then abruptly, he gasped. “Holy shit, I just realized I never got your name.”

She cocked her head. “What? I never told you?”

He blinked. “No.”

She started. “It's-”

“Hi, I'm Tony, I'll be your server for today. Can I get you something to drink to start you guys off?” Tony greeted, cutting her off.

“Yeah, sure. A water for me.” She blurted out.

Colby added. “Coke, please.”

Tony smiled. “Okay, coming right up.”

Once Tony left, the waitress started scoping out for Sam again, her eyes widening once she saw him.

Her body stiffened, turning back to Colby. “He's over there, three tables down to your left.”

Colby gazed over his shoulder at his friend. Sam looked lost in thought, staring at his phone as he ate his food.

“Why is he alone?” He muttered.

“From some of the blogs I read, he likes to go out and eat by himself. Also, apparently, him and Kat are on the rocks.” She admitted.

“They love each other so much, it's kinda gross to be around them sometimes,” He quipped, but shook his head. “So to hear that...”

“I'm gonna head over.” She announced quickly.

Before he could speak, she left the booth. Colby watched her walk over to Sam, listening closely to their conversation as he ducked his head down.

“Hey... sorry to bother you, but are you Sam Golbach?” She asked sweetly.

“Yeah I am. Did you want something?” Sam stared blankly at her.

“Um, yeah?” She almost scoffed at his tone. “I’m a huge fan and I know this might be a weird question, but do you know someone named Colby Brock?”

Sam’s face remained stoic, but his eyes intensified. “No, I've never heard of that name before.”

“Are you sure, because I'm pretty certain that you and him are best friends.” She insisted.

He raised an eyebrow. “What are you talking about?”

Colby watched nervously as she pulled out her phone and showed Sam the photo. Sam scrunched up his face, his eyes scanning the image. “Yeah, no. Still don’t know who he is. What was his name again?”

“Colby Brock.” She stated.

“...Sorry. I’ve never heard a name like that before.” He mumbled, almost inaudibly. “Sounds stupid anyway.”

She cocked her head. “Wait, what?”

Colby clenched his fist, unable to hear this conversation any longer. He needed to come face-to-face with Sam. He slid out of his seat, walking hastily over to Sam and the waitress. Sam’s eyes narrowed as he gaped at Colby.

“Sam…” Colby started.

Sam growled. “Are you fucking serious, Colby? Did you really have to get one of my fans involved?”

“What?” Colby puzzled.

Sam jumped out of his seat, grabbing Colby’s arm and pulling him out of the restaurant. The waitress followed behind them, confused just as much as Colby. Sam’s feet stopped behind the back door of the building, turning to Colby without warning.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Sam barked.

Colby stepped back, surprised by Sam’s anger. “...Uh, I don’t know what you mean by that.”

Sam scoffed. “Why the fuck are you here? After all this time?”

“So, you do remember me.” Colby remarked.

“Yeah, I do. When you showed up at my place yesterday, it took me a minute to realize it was you, since you decided to dress up like a Hot Topic employee, but yeah, I knew it was you. Are you really gonna pretend in front of her that we don’t know each other?” Sam teared his eyes away from Colby’s, staring at the waitress suddenly. “Let me guess, he hasn’t told you the whole story, right?”

“I guess not.” She shrugged uncomfortably.

Sam chuckled darkly. “Of course not. If he told the whole story, he would have to admit he was an asshole, and God knows he’s not gonna do that.”

“What are you talking about?” Colby panted.

“Do you not remember? Well, I’ll give you a refresher. You and I became friends freshman year of high school. You were my best friend and I was yours. I trusted you. I trusted you with a lot of shit that I’ve never told anyone. Senior year of high school, right before we were about to graduate, right as we were starting a social media career, suddenly you don’t want anything to do with me; which would have been bad enough, but then I go and find out you and my girlfriend were hooking up behind my back,” Sam snapped, catching his breath for a moment. “So yeah, I remember you, Colby.”

Colby’s mouth fell open, his breathing speeding up.

None of this sounds like me. I would never hurt Sam like that.

“And now, you have the fucking audacity to show up when everything in my life is going great and I’m succeeding. I have fans, friends, and a girlfriend that all love and care about me, and you’re here trying to what? Stir up drama? Get some clout from me?” He demanded.

“If your friends and girlfriend love you, why are you eating all alone?” The waitress jeered.

Sam glared at her, biting his tongue. “And you made one of my fans hate me. Dope, dude.”

“Sam, look; I’m sorry for what I did. But that was years ago. I’m not who I was back then.” Colby choked out.

“I don’t care. I don’t want you in my life. Do you not understand what you did to me?” Sam persisted.

“I know I was an asshole, and I apologize for ever hurting you like that. But I miss you, and I want to work things out. Let me prove to you that I’m better.” He trembled, getting closer to Sam.

Sam backed up, blocking Colby. “No. No! You don’t get to miss me. You don’t get to miss a relationship you fucked up. It took me years to trust again. Hell, I’m still going through it. You don’t get to decide whether or not you’re in my life. Not anymore.”

“Sam… please.” Colby whimpered.

“Don’t show up at my place again. Don’t talk to my fans about me. Don’t act like you care about me. Because I’m done,” Sam stared into Colby’s eyes before going back into the restaurant. “I don’t care about you. Fuck off forever and leave me alone.”

Sam’s words punched Colby hard, taking the breath out of him instantly. He caught himself against the wall, his legs turning to gelatin under his weight.

He stuttered. “I… gotta leave. I-I have to…”

“Colby, relax. It’s gonna be okay.” She grabbed his hand.

He shook off her embrace. “What? No it’s not! Did you not hear what he said? Why would he want to be friends with a piece of shit like me?!”

“You were eighteen when this all happened. Give yourself a break.” She argued.

“No. I’m fucking terrible. This version of me is terrible. Of course he doesn’t want to be friends with me! I don’t even want to be me.” His voice quivered with anger, his body racing away from her.

She furrowed her brows, trying to keep up with him. “Where are you going?”

“I just need to leave. I can’t be here right now!” He grunted, his pace picking up.

She called after him, but Colby didn’t care. His heart slammed against his chest over and over again. Tears weld up into his eyes, blurring his vision as he began to run. He wanted to keep running until his legs gave out, until he couldn’t remember all the words Sam had said to him.

It dawned to Colby how much worse this universe was.

He wasn’t just stuck in a universe where Sam didn’t know him.

He was stuck in a universe where Sam didn’t want to know him.

In a universe where Sam didn’t love him.

And he had no way of escaping.

Colby must have blacked out while he ran, somehow maintaining to stay upright, because once his thoughts started to subside, and his body basically gave out under him, he noticed he was in a part of LA he had never been before. Some random neighborhood that was unfamiliar.

He shoved his body up against a metal telephone pole, sliding down to the ground. He tried catching his breath, gulping back breaths as he forced down the nausea overwhelming his senses. He wiped his face with his sleeve, feeling more tears rush down his cheeks.

His throat and chest burned with each sharp inhale. He whimpered into his hands, covering his face from the slowly retreating sun.

He slid his phone out of his pocket once he caught his breath, calling the only number he knew.

“Hey honey. What’s up?” His mom’s voice rang back sweetly.

Colby’s voice was monotone, exhausted. “You know who Sam is, don’t you?”

The line went quiet for a moment, all Colby could hear was her light breath.

“You told me not to talk about him. After you two stopped being friends, you said you never wanted to hear his name again.” She exhaled deeply, “I was taken aback when you asked about him yesterday.”

“He’s out here… in LA.” He responded.

She gasped lightly. “Did you run into him?”

He laughed bitterly. “You could say that.”

“Oh, Colby. I’m so sorry.” His mother consoled.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, mama. I just…” Colby trailed off, unable to explain.

“Why don’t you come home this weekend?” She offered. “I miss you, you know.”

“I would love to. But…” His chest heaved as hot tears drifted down his cheeks. “That’s not my home.”

“Nonsense. You will always have a home here.” She assured him, her voice almost trembling.

He wiped a fallen tear, a broken smile coming to his face. “That’s good to know. I love you.”

She hummed. “I love you too, baby. Call me again soon.”

“I will. Bye.” He uttered breathlessly.

The sky was getting darker and darker, and Colby remained against the phone pole. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but suddenly his phone vibrated, a new message from ‘Waitress’ asking where he was. He sent his location, and she arrived twenty minutes later in his car. He stood up, stumbling to his passenger door. His legs were weak from the sprinting he had just done. As he got in, the cool AC blasted the sweat and tears off his face.

They didn’t speak, a quiet radio station playing in the background the only sound. She drove through the hills of LA, eventually hitting a peak. She parked the car as it overlooked LA, the lights looking like stars on the horizon.

She got out a minute later, walking over to the hood and leaning against it. He could see something in her hand but didn’t recognize it. Colby sat in the car by himself, not able to physically move his body from how exhausted he felt. Eventually, he achingly stepped out of the car, sitting next to her on the hood.

“I’m fucked.” Colby breathed.

She started. “I don’t think-”

“Please don’t try to make me feel better. I know you mean well, but I am fucked,” he rebutted, his voice dark. “I’m stuck here, in this universe, where Sam hates me. And as if that weren’t bad enough, I did terrible things, things I know I would never do to him. How the fuck am I supposed to apologize for those mistakes? I wouldn’t take him back if the roles were reversed.”

“Read this.” The waitress stated, handing him a journal.

He glanced down at the leather-bound book, slightly faded from years of writing. He unclicked the lock and opened it, looking down at the pages. It was his, a journal full of writings he had done.

“Where did you get this?” He inquired.

“You were right about your car being messy. But you’d be surprised what you fine if you just look.” She teased.

Colby read over the words, the first entry catching his eye. It was dated a year after him and Sam had graduated high school.

Sam is succeeding without me. I knew he would. He was always so smart when it came to business decisions. He just hit 10k followers on Vine. That’s crazy!

“What the hell is this?” Colby questioned.

She answered quickly. “This whole journal was you keeping up with Sam without him knowing. This version of you always paid attention to what he was doing, even if you guys were no longer friends.”

“I’m obsessed with Sam? That’s great.” He deadpanned.

“You’re not obsessed with Sam. Read this entry.” She skipped a handful of pages, finally stopping on one and showing it to him.

I hate myself everyday for the hurt I caused Sam. I can’t believe what an idiot I was back when I was 18. We could have gone so far together… but I had to go and fuck it up.

He scowled. “Am I supposed to be sad for myself?”

“Keep reading.” She pushed.

The night I chose to never speak to Sam again, I knew I made the wrong decision. But I had to. Sam was ready to go on and do bigger and better things. I was just gonna hold him back. I was terrified of failing, not only myself, but him. He deserves success. That’s why I had to ignore him. I have never been as smart as him. I would have ruined our chances of doing something great. And I have been proven right by how far he has gone without me.

“You stopped being his friend because you were scared, not because you didn’t care anymore.” She repeated.

He slid off the car, scoffing. “So what if I was scared to fail? Sam didn’t deserve the hurt I caused just because of that. And what about me cheating with his girlfriend?”

She jumped off the car, striding up to Colby. She grabbed the journal from his hand. “You didn’t cheat, look.”

She pointed at the bottom of the page, his eyes following her finger.

“Me and Lexi were never together! I hate her for telling him that. One night, they had a really big fight and she came over to my house to ask what she should do. I told her to break up with him if she really didn’t care anymore. And then she tried to hit on me. I told her off and threatened to tell Sam, but she got to him first. She must have told him her and I were together.” The waitress read aloud.

“Wait, if I never hooked up with his girlfriend, why wouldn’t I tell him that?” Colby hissed.

“I think at that point, you wanted the friendship to be over, and I think this solidified it.” The waitress responded.

“All this time I could have been friends with Sam, but I ruined it because I was scared? What a fucking idiot.” He spat.

“You weren’t an idiot,” She interjected. “You just disliked yourself so much you didn’t think you deserved happiness. At least now you know that this version of you isn’t as terrible as you thought.”

“Even with that being the case, Sam’s never gonna accept my apology. Why should he?” Colby lamented, “I let him down the worst ways. I broke his trust and loyalty.”

She shook her head, stepping towards him. “Give him some time. You might be surprised."

Before Colby could speak, his phone rang. He took his phone out of his pocket and looked at the number. It looked familiar, but he couldn’t place it.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Did you really mean it when you said you were sorry?” Sam spoke, his tone hesitant, but dry.

His breath hitched at the sound of Sam’s voice. “Of course. I never meant to hurt you, Sam.”

Sam paused for a moment, before breathing out. “I’m giving you one more chance. Tomorrow. Come by my place. You apparently know where I live.”

“Yeah,” Colby laughed awkwardly. “I’ll come by. Thank you… Sam.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’ll see you later.” Sam stated, hanging up.

Once the call ended, Colby’s eyes stared down at his phone widely. He almost couldn’t believe that happened.

He inhaled sharply. “Sam just called me. He wants to meet me tomorrow.”

“That’s great.” Her voice just above a whisper.

“He wants to hear me out… he wants to give me another chance.” His face dropped with confusion. “How did he get my number?”

It hit Colby like a brick as he gazed up at the waitress, who bit her lip hiding her smile. “You…?”

“You weren’t the first person I showed the journal to,” she explained. “When you ran off, I was gonna go after you. As I got in your car, I saw this journal sticking out from under your seat. I read through it and… I knew I had to show Sam. I went back in and talked to him for an hour, showing him how much you were actually sorry. How much you had beat yourself up over hurting him. And then I gave him your number. I wasn’t sure if he was gonna call but-”

“Oh my God, you’re amazing!” Colby ran up to her, grabbing her by the waist and spinning her around. She gripped his shoulders tightly as they spun, laughing loudly into his ear. As her feet touched the ground, he stared into her eyes, his smile the brightest she had ever seen it. His hands glided up her body to her face, cupping her cheeks quickly. He smashed his lips against hers, his heart pounding as he did. Her hands lowered to his chest, her grasp on his shirt tightened as she felt herself lose her footing and back up into the car.

As they stumbled, he realized what he was doing, pulling away quickly. “Shit… I’m sorry. I-I shouldn’t have-”

“No, it’s okay,” She giggled. “I’m just… surprised.”

He exhaled, letting his arms fall away from her body. “Me too.”

They leaned against the car, keeping a slight distance from each other. A light blush rested on both their faces; however, it was hard to see with the setting sun, something they were both grateful for.

The waitress sighed, breaking the moment of silence. “I think I know why this happened. Why I was the only one who remembered you…”

He raised an eyebrow, slightly side-eyeing her. “Really?”

“I lied to you when we first met. I wanted to seem a bit cooler than I am, but I don’t think I can hide that anymore.” She began, nervously.

Colby’s face relaxed a little, surprised at her words. “Okay.”

“My friend didn’t introduce me to you guys… I introduced her… to you.” She confessed.

A soft grin came to his face. “I had a feeling.”

She rolled her eyes. “No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did! I totally did,” he snickered. “Not every fan knows I worked at Dairy Queen. And… no average fan would have helped me get Sam back the way you did.”

“I think there’s a reason for all of this. I think in your universe, your life… you don’t know me.” Her voice dropped suddenly, making Colby turn to her.

“That’s true, I don’t.” He nodded.

Her eyes met his, a sad glint reflecting in the moonlight. “But I think the reason for that is because… you’re not supposed to.”

“What do you mean?” He replied, his face twisting in confusion.

“I think you and I are only supposed to have met here, in this universe. But not in yours.” She glared up at the sky, “Maybe in some weird way, I’m your guardian or guide or something.”

Colby’s thoughts raced. “So, what you’re saying is-“

“This might be the last time you’ll ever see me. You did what you had to do. You got Sam and you to talk again.” Her voice cracked as she held back tears, “You can go home.”

He grabbed her hands, holding them close to his body. “But… I don’t want to leave if it means I don’t know you.”

A hitched breath fell from her lips, a smile appearing from his words. “If we’re meant to be, we’ll see each other again.”

“That’s not fair.” He shook his head, a deep frown settling on his face.

“I know, but it’s how it has to be.” She whispered.

He rested his forehead against her, breathing deeply. “Can I… get one more kiss?”

She bit her lip softly. “I thought you’d never ask.”

They leaned in, his breath fanning across her lips for a split second before he pulled away.

“Wait…” He shuddered. “I never got your name.”

A soft smile came to her lips. “I’ll tell you after.”

His arms wrapped around her, pressing her body into his as their lips collided. He held onto her for dear life, terrified that the moment he pulled away, she would be gone.

He could feel things around him slow down, almost melting away, but he couldn’t tell if it was from the beauty of their kiss making him dizzy. A whirling silence overcame his senses. A burning sensation sliced through his abdomen; his breath ripped from his lungs.

A heavy darkness overtook his vision and for the briefest of moments, he felt absolutely nothing.

Except her lips.

<< |

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. I did see someone claim LO is still 'doing well on Barnes and Noble" so that proves it's selling well and it's like ... yeah no, it's already marked down 25% from only two weeks on shelves, and they're purposely ONLY pushing the "exclusive cover", meaning they ordered a lot of copies thinking they'd easily sell out (the "worldwide phenomenon" would surely buy all that stock out, right?) but that's just not happening. They were expecting a blowout, not people not knowing it even exists. Whoopsie!

2. tbh i think the reason LO doesnt do well outside of webtoons (ie. the book not doing what it was supposed to do in sales) is bc ... its really niche? like sorry guys, but hxp as a couple is only really popular on the internet, because the general public doesnt know or care about them. hadestown is successful bc orpheus's story is so famous. pjo is successful off general myth. TSOA and circe are connected to the Iliad/odyssey. LO instead expects you to care about a b-couple most havent heard of.

3. Ngl, LO Hades and Lo Persephone reminds me of the Marcos (the Filipino dictator) couple.

4. Okay but can we really put Artemis being a villain past RS. You know how she loves her deep and meaningful color-coding. And plot twists. Except here she'd get to be like "You should've seen it coming, the signs were there, she is puuurpllleee"

5. idk why lo readers love shitting on true beauty or whatever like "ugh why is it dragging on so long" as if if rachel stuck to her original plan and knew how to actually plan ahead and write LO wouldnt have ever gone past 100 episodes, instead of now going into the 200 range and beyond. i dont care how big of a fan you are, yall cant lie to me and say LO needs to be THIS long when so little has actually happened in literal years.

6. Lore Olympus’s definition of wife material and husband material respectively: 1) Wife material - Young (almost underage) hot, curvy, huge tits, fat ass, great grades (that don’t actually matter), a billion talents and hobbies (that are never shown and therefore don’t matter), powerful (but power can’t be displayed), submission and baby-faced. 2) Husband material - Old, rich, cruel and violent (while being unrepentant about it), pretends to do the bare minimum🙄

7. virgin lo that needs rachel to make up persephone created elysium to give her any point in the story vs the chad punderworld which has persephone be headstrong in her powers and say elysium isnt that interesting because she makes meadows and fields every day.

8. Don't get me wrong, I get why the stans get upset over seeing critique and all, but the only reason blogs like this exist is because LO fans and Rachel herself have purposely made sure no critique can happen of the comic to where any disagreement is forced out of the fan spaces and threatened to stay quiet. Blogs like this wouldn't need to exist if they weren't so rapid to any sort of dissent and threatened, doxxed, and sent deathr//pe threats to anyone who doesn't kiss Rachel's feet.

9. i dont even get where the stans claim blogs like this and others obsess over LO all day and yall need to "do something better with your time" when like .. you only post maybe once a day? if even that? meanwhile they're spending every waking moment obsessing over LO and screaming and harassing anyone who dares critiques it and hating everything that isnt LO like?? dont be throwing stones in glass houses, you guys. most anti blogs are just side ones too, not their main ones like the stans, so 🤷🏿

-----FP Spoilers/Mention-----

10. RS likes to pretend Hades is an excellent partner for doing the bare minimum when the truth is she can’t even depict him doing the bare minimum. He pretends to respect Persephone’s boundaries but straight up questions her choice to remain celibate and tells her he won’t consider having a celibate wife. He says he doesn’t view her as damaged goods for being a rape victim but immediately flies into a rage and makes her comfort him in her time of need. What a piece of shit!

[peach-pops]

Roommate HC

Request:  hi i love ur account! do u think u could write a HC with kuroo, oikawa, and bokuto on how they would be as roommates! thank you!

Author’s Note: This request had me dying thank u so much! I made this to be platonic but if u guys want a part 2 to make them like each other/you want to see other roommate hc with other characters, let me know!

Warning: mentions of sex, adult language, reader thirsting over iwaizumi cause same 

Pairing: Kuroo || Oikawa || Bokuto 

Part two

-Kuroo-

You can only be roommates if you’re hella close with Kuroo because if you’re living in a closed space together, shit is bound to happen. He’s basically you’re best friend so nothing is off-limits. 

Exhibit A: Shower rants

“ And I told her to mind her own damn business before I kicked her ass!” You said loudly as you sat on the counter of the sink while Kuroo was showering

“ You liar I know you didn’t say all that. Also, can you hand me my toothbrush?”

“ Mm, okay, I didn’t say it but I was thinking it!” You grabbed Kuroo’s toothbrush and opened the curtain to hand it to him,” it’s the thought that counts but then she told me that I was being a bitch! In front of the whole class!” 

Kuroo opened the shower curtain to poke his head out,” She called you a bitch in front of the class? What a fucking bitch.” 

I feel like Kuroo sleeps in a bit and waits until the last second to wake up so you’re basically his alarm clock 

Your favorite way to wake him up is to just bash his head with a pillow until he grabs it from you and hits you back with it ten times harder

“ I think you gave me a concussion.”

“ I- It’s a pillow, you big baby.” 

Getting ready in the morning is always pretty chill since Kuroo practically rolls out of the bed, looks at his hair, and decides yep, this is stylish 

If he has extra time in the morning, he’ll sit on your bed and watch you do your makeup/hair as you tell him your schedule for the day just cause he can 

Can we please remember that Kuroo is a big nerd so that means a lot of all-nighters at the dinner table. If you know he has a big test coming up, you order takeout from his favorite restaurant and you have to physically sit across from him so he actually takes a break to eat dinner

Sometimes he falls asleep at the table while studying so you always grab his phone to set a 15-minute alarm because while he needs to sleep, he also needs the time to study too 

On chill days, Kenma usually comes over and the two play video games until the middle of the night. While they’re always super loud, that’s a lie it’s just Kuroo, but whenever they get too loud you come out of your room and you just glare Kuroo down 

“ What’s wrong with your face?”

“ My face? This face will be the last thing you ever see if you don’t shut the fuck up. Kenma sweetie, ✨you’re doing great✨!”

OH okay this is just a bonus

so your upstairs neighbors are like bunnies if ya know what I mean. Like they go at it 25/8 and you and Kuroo can’t stand it because how are yall supposed to concentrate 

One night while you and Kuroo are watching a movie, you can literally hear your neighbors having crazy-ass sex and Kuroo gets so petty. He grabs a broom from the kitchen and starts hitting it against the ceiling like

 ‘ Shut! The! Hell! Up!” 

“ STOP! What if they get mad?” 

“ Who cares? I haven’t had sex in months. If I can’t get laid than no one can get laid!”

“ I don’t even want to think about you and *gags* sex in the same sentence.” 

So all in all, Kuroo is probably the easiest roommate to have and you two just work so well together

-Oikawa-

Oikawa isn’t as bad as a roommate as people might think. He’s surprisingly clean and not only does he clean up after himself but he always cleans up after you. He will sass you on how messy you are though

“ Y/N-Chan, I can’t even see the floor to your bedroom, you’re disgusting! I can’t even look at you the same way!” 

“ If it’s bothering you then get the hell out of my room!” 

“ Your room is a biohazard, how can you live like this?” 

“ I SAID GET OUT SHITTYKAWA!” 

There’s only one bathroom in your apartment so it’s always a battle to get ready in the morning. His side of the sink has way more stuff than you and you even try out some of his products if they happen to find their way to your side

You can’t even hide it from Oikawa because once you leave the restroom, he notices right away 

“ Are you wearing that SPF moisturizer I bought from that new skincare store the other day?”

“ Wha- how did you know?”

“ I can smell it you rat, stop using my skincare products!” 

He says that but the next day when you wake up to use the restroom, you see that he bought you your own moisturizer and there’s a sticky note on it ‘ because you desperately need some’ 

Oikawa also always manages to lose his glasses in the morning so when he’s late, he always wakes you up to help him find his glasses which are somewhere around the apartment 

“ Bitch, how hard is it to keep it next to your nightstand before you go to bed?” 

“ I forget” 🥺👉🏼👈🏼Oikawa pouts as he squints back at you cause he’s a blind bitch 

If Oikawa is your roommate, that definitely means Iwaizumi, Matsukawa, and Hanamaki are always over. One time in the middle of the night, you went to go get a glass of water and you screamed so loud when you saw a dark figure sleeping on your couch 

Your heart literally dropped to the floor but when you squinted your eyes, you could make out that it was Hanamaki just crashing on your couch 

Thank god, you actually thought there was a stranger-

What you didn’t know was that Matsukawa was sleeping on the floor of the living room and you tripped over his huge, built ass body 

“ Y/N? Is that you? Are you okay?”

“ I’m fine-”

“ Ow! Y/N, that’s my hand!”

“ Shit! Sorry- wait, Hajime? Is that you? What the hell-Who else is sleeping here?”

“ Meeeee!”

“Toru?!?! What are you doing out here?” You asked as you turned on the lights to find all four boys camped out in the living room. TF is this? Summercamp???

“ Duh, it’s a sleepover! Wanna join? You can lay next to me Y/N-Chan!”

“ Fuck no you weirdo. Except for you Hajime😚 my room is always open for you!” 🤩🥰🤪🤰🏻 

Oh speaking of frick fracking, you and Oikawa have a solid rule that if you’re planning on having sex, please let the other roommate know so there’s not a repeat of that one incident you’re not allowed to speak of 

Toru: Can you be out of the house from 8:30-9:30? I’m bringing someone over👉🏼👌🏼

Y/N: You bastard I was going to bring someone over!

Toru: Oh yeah? Who u trying to fuck?👀👀👀

Y/N: Hajime 🤤🤤🤤🤤

Toru: STOP THIRSTING AFTER MY FRIENDS

Y/N: BUT IT’S TRUE LOVE!

Besides all of that mess, Oikawa is such a fun roommate. If yall could live together forever, you definitely would because the banter never stops between the two of you, yall are like an old married couple uwu 

-Bokuto- 

JESUS you two take a while to mesh 

You two are best friends so when he suggested to move in together, you were all for it 

But it just took some getting used to 

Bokuto wakes up sooooo early to go run and this means blasting music in the shower at 5am & him blending the shit out a smoothie in the kitchen 

One time, this dude barged into your room around 5:20 in the morning and had THE AUDACITY to ask if you wanted to go run with him 

“ I feel bad leaving you here in the apartment alone, what if you miss me?”

“ If you ever wake me up this early to go run out of all things, I will shave your head do not test me owl.” 

He never asks you again don’t worry but he does walk in your room to whisper, rather loudly, that he’s leaving to go run just to give you a heads up

On some mornings when he knows you’re going to have a long day at school, he’ll make you breakfast and it’s actually super sweet cause you two will eat together in the kitchen and talk about what the plan for the day is 

If he’s ever too lazy to make breakfast, he’ll grab your favorite pastries during his run and bring it home cause he’s just that type of person 

Bokuto is a bit messy and you find yourself cleaning up after him a lot but he makes up for it by being an absolute sweetheart 

He assembled all the furniture in the apartment because he likes building stuff and he claims it’s manly. Don’t Mind my language but ✨U couldn’t give a shit ✨about building furniture so you were 100% okay with it

Akaashi came over to help put the couch together and that was arguably the most entertaining thing you had ever seen

“ Bokuto-San, I’m pretty sure these pieces don’t fit.”

“ Akaashi! Are you doubting my ability to read and follow instructions?!?!”

“ I think he’s right, those don’t fit at all.”

*cue emo bokuto ughhhhhhh this bitch*

Whenever Bokuto gets emo at home, you drop everything to help him get out of his funk. Not because what you’re doing isn’t important but if you don’t help, this dude will show up next to your bed full on close to crying

“ Ko, it’s two in the morning, why are you awake?”

“ Are you angry at me that I broke that plate earlier?”

“ Wha- no I’m not mad over a cheap plate. Just go to bed PLEASE!” 

No matter how busy yalls schedule gets, you two always make time to have a movie night at least once a week because he claims it’s good for roommate moral 

It’s just an excuse for him to snack through the pantry but whatever

He’s also the worst at grocery shopping. Like he notices all the snacks and desserts you like so he’ll buy so much of those things but will fail to get actual protein and vegetables 

I know it seems like I’m shitting on Bokuto and I’m not, I feel like Bokuto would also be such a fun roommate. There are some nights where you two will dance around together in your pajamas and camp out on the couch together and those are the moments where you’re thankful he’s your roommate

But he snores so loud I’M SORRY I HAD TO SAY IT 

[silver-wield]

I want to know what your thoughts are on the optional Aerith resolution scene? Particularly around the time where Aerith says the "love" line?

Awww man, you're gonna make me watch that? Lol

Ok let's do this then.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be reasonably long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone’s interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I’ve had other ideas since then) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea’s approval (Cloti ask response) 

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 

Cloti action touching 

Aerti friendship analysis 

Cloti body language chapter 3 

Cloti healthy disagreement 

Cloti post heliboss battle (chapter 15) 

Clerith playground scene 

Cloti body language plate fall 

Cloud and Barret friendship 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Recap time!

So, Aerith's been taken by Shinra and the group is still feeling the after effects of the plate fall. Everyone's pretty demoralised and after they visit deep ground and Cloud gets the aborted flashback of himself inside a chamber being experimented on, he says to Elmyra they should go save Aerith before the same fate befalls her.

Elmyra asks they sleep on it.

During the night Cloud “wakes up” to see a ghostly Aerith heading downstairs. He follows her outside and they talk on the hill top where the lifestream can be seen glowing in the background.

It’s important to note that Cloud has literally just gone through both the train graveyard and seen a bunch of ghosts and the plate collapse where he’s seen a load of people he cares about die. 

Cloud looks surprised. Hmm I wonder why....

Yeah, this is a no brainer opening. Aerith shouldn't be there and he doesn't think he's asleep at this moment. He looks around and figures out it's a dream, but isn't totally sure because how often does anyone have cognisant dreams?

You can see the doubt about if she’s a ghost or not and she doesn’t clear that up, so Cloud’s left wondering if Aerith’s dead already. The following conversation doesn’t reassure him.

Aerith's “Maybe. You tell me,” doesn't actually help here. If Cloud's having doubts about how real it is – and she's aware of his fake persona and wants to know the real him – then causing further doubt in his mind seems counterproductive. It's like she's implying an illusory nature to their relationship. It also feels like foreshadowing the moment Cloud thinks he’s not real. 

She's also not looking at him when she says it, so even if it was a teasing moment between them, she's automatically set a distance between them. Because eye contact matters, remember? When someone can't meet your eye it's for a reason, whether they're uncomfortable or hiding something or whatever. Eye contact is a conscious connection between two people. Deliberately not making eye contact has meaning too.

Aerith exposition. Lots of fidgeting. No eye contact. She seems like she's making small talk to avoid something. Even when Cloud faces her head on she quickly turns away again to stare off into the distance. Cloud remains in her peripheral vision only. When Aerith does turn to reassure Cloud, he looks away.

And after is the immortal line “Don't be silly” in response to Cloud's sarcasm. I mean, isn't she supposed to be the sweet one? So wouldn't her saying silly fit with her vocabulary? Or should she have said something like “Cloud, don't be a fucking moron” because she swore that one time and everyone erupted into cheers over it? Let's say it is a callback to Claudia, who somehow had a prophetic vision of Aerith being “the one”. Aerith didn't say “silly goose” which was the exact line Claudia said, so technically Aerith's only half of what Claudia suggested. If Tifa says “goose” at some point does that validate her being in the running too?

Yes, I'm being facetious. Point is, unlike the promise between Cloud and Tifa when it was Tifa reusing her own words, this relies on Aerith having meta knowledge of what Claudia said to Cloud when he was 16 and Aerith was with Zack. So, with that in mind, why would Aerith care what Claudia had to say about some other guy she doesn't even know when she's already got a boyfriend? The implication of this is that Aerith already knew everything that would happen to Zack and she'd already moved on from him to Cloud before they ever met and yet she kept writing letters to Zack the whole time.

But then after meeting Cloud she decided to take him up on the slide and talk about her dead boyfriend...as a way to let him know she's single?

This is Cloud's face when Aerith says in a perky voice “You worried about me?” This is the bit where he says “Of course.” It's a very neutral expression tbf. There's not anything being given away and the way he says the line is very simple too. Nothing suggests he's revealing a big secret to her or that he's embarrassed by his concern. I'd say it's SOLDIER!Cloud at rest since we know from the devs that Cloud still puts on a front with Aerith because he doesn't know how to deal with her. Which is typical for Cloud since he's emotionally 16 and never dealt with girls.

That perky persona visibly drains from Aerith's face and body language. Her posture sags, she breaks eye contact, she looks sad. This is the image of someone who isn't happy to hear that Cloud's worried about her. Now, if she was into the whole ship wouldn't she be happier to hear that line from him? She's regretful and turns away again, using her body as a barrier to any possible intimacy.

I'm sure people disagree, so imma explain. If she'd turned her back that would be an outright rejection. She'd be fully closing herself off. By turning away, she's indicating the conversation isn't over, but her degree of attention on Cloud is less than if she'd face him head on. If she stayed facing him, then that builds intimacy since face to face is open body language which can have several interpretations – some of which I've mentioned before like confrontational when Cloud steps up to Rude. When it's between a couple, it's suggestive of building intimacy and trust.

And when Cloud takes a step towards Aerith, she steps away again, towards the lifestream in the distance. Not permitting the closing of distance is a sign she doesn't want to encourage intimacy with him. That she walks towards where the lifestream is means that's where her attention and focus is. Whether that's an overarching plot reason or from a “Zack is there” reason is up to your interpretation.

Another immortal line. Considering Aerith just stepped towards where we can see the lifestream and that she's taking up her priestess pose we can reasonably assume she's thinking of Zack, unless you're once again subscribing to the theory that she's meta!Aerith aware of her own death and speaking of that. In which case, yall need to make up your minds whether she's one or the other because you can't swap between the two when it suits you just to justify your arguments.

When Cloud says “I'll remember that” in response to Aerith's advice that “every moment matters” it definitely comes across as one of those character building life lessons that Cloud's had over the course of the game. He got one from Barret about how not everyone has a choice to run away, one from Marle about listening to others and caring and now he's got one from Aerith about making the time they have count. These are mentor moments.

But more importantly, look who Aerith's looking at when she says that line. It's not Cloud, not the lifestream. Us. The players. She is talking to us. This isn't just wisdom for Cloud, it's for us, too.

After a 9 second pause from Aerith, in which she looks at the ground, Cloud offers a suggestion of what she wants to say next. She seems very lost in thought during this time, and almost reluctant to speak. Considering she always seems to know what to say in any given situation, this is off. This very long pause is the longest she's been silent in the whole game. It's notable. She almost seems to be warring with herself as her eyes narrow and she subtly shifts from side to side.

I may well be wrong about the length of time she’s silent. It could be 7 seconds in a callback to the 7 seconds it took for Sephiroth to drop and kill her in OG. 

I'm one of those who does subscribe to the whole OG!Aerith vs meta!Aerith theories – which I stick to throughout every scene involving her so don't even try and @ me and say I'm a liar – and to me, this looks like OG Aerith trying to assert dominance over the situation, while meta Aerith wants to refuse.

When Cloud speaks, Aerith looks grateful for the cut in. It pulls her out of that warring state, while he's trying to look cool and mature still lol (dork)

Okay, so that whole speech she gives about thanking him is definitely coming off like she's aware of things she shouldn't know yet. This may be what OG!Aerith was trying to prevent her from saying. This isn’t something that Cloud should know yet, after all.

After some physical humming and hawing, eyes downcast, then glancing away and we get a shot of her feet – remember all of this is intentional to build a story here – she looks up and we get this line that's making certain people freak out with joy.

Quick lesson on intonation.

Intonation is the rise and fall – the pitch – of how you say certain words. The way you say them gives them their meaning. You can say the same words in many different ways to convey different meanings and/or emotions.

I've previously focused on Aerith's choice of the word “can't” here because this is the key word in the phrase.

Honestly, I'm not entirely sure how certain people are interpreting this line to turn it into a positive. The word “can't” is synonymous with an impossibility. It means “there are specific reasons why this isn't possible.”

Aerith didn't say “Don't” as in “you shouldn't”. She said “can't” as in “not able to”. She is telling Cloud that he's not able to love her. The specific intonation on the word “can't” supports this evidence. If yall wanna examine it more closely then I suggest you turn the sound down slightly so it's actually harder to hear the whole sentence and see which words have more emphasis. Can't has specific emphasis, which wouldn't be there if she wasn't stressing the word.

As for her facial expression. I mean, this doesn't look like the earlier one where she's sad or regretful. This is matter of fact. She's telling him this as a kindness because he's not yet aware of the reasons that she is.

(Note: I didn't say which specific reasons because some of yall say it's her death and others say it's Tifa, so that's up to you. There's reasons, is my point).

So up until she said that, Cloud was actually looking at her. But this made him turn away in dismissal. Not with embarrassment. He's not caught out and flustered. He's SOLDIER!Cloud, remember? He's all front and super cool facade.

This isn't the first time a girl has thrown herself at him. Jessie did it too, only more ott. Cloud's used to brushing off girls and does it without effort.

I'm sure up to this point some people have been screaming about how biased I've been and unfair and this is so cloti (excuse me while I roll my eyes).

So, if I'm biased why am I about to point out that the above screen is real!Cloud popping in for a visit? This is him overriding the SOLDIER persona to question if Aerith might have a point. But not about her. About Tifa. Because within the previous few hours, Cloud and Tifa shared an intimate moment. And it wasn’t soldier Cloud who did that. It was real Cloud. Aerith is calling attention to real Cloud’s feelings for Tifa, which makes him look to the house where Tifa is sleeping. He gets soft eyed and starts to smile, but then seems to want to question himself, which we know isn’t a good idea. Real Cloud and Soldier Cloud aren’t ready to meet yet.

And while real!Cloud is busy debating with SOLDIER!Cloud about Aerith's words, she's approached completely silently – because, ykno, she's not actually there – and he's caught sight of her hand in his peripheral vision. The second she touches him he jerks back looking surprised. This wasn't a telegraphed move where he saw it coming from 10 feet away and chose to do nothing.

I also question that if he can feel her hand here then it's solid, but when he goes to grab her it's not? So, she chose to let him feel the first touch, but then rejected him grabbing her? Or is it more likely that having caught sight of her hand in his peripheral vision he didn't actually feel her touch his face then or the time after because Aerith's not there. There's no actual physical interaction between them.

This is pity. Not much else to say about it. Meta!Aerith knows Cloud's future and that by introducing these future concepts to him, she's causing confusion ahead of the time it should happen. She feels bad about that and probably about her OG behaviour that she had no control over thanks to the Whispers forcing her to go against her real nature.

Well, I was going to say that Cloud going to grab her wrist – not her hand – is just further proof of her intangible presence. She isn't someone he can hold onto. But having grabbed this screen it's clear he wouldn't have grabbed her wrist at all either. His hand is open and aimed at her forearm and already passing through her well before he tries to close it.

And the reason why goes back to the ghost thing. Cloud thought she wasn’t there in person, that she might be dead or it’s a dream, but then she touched him. So he wants to grab her the same way he did Jessie in the pillar, to try and keep her alive. But his hand goes through her and he’s left looking confused again.

“Do I get a say in all this?”

Well now. That's a bit different. I'm sure like everyone else we've all been convinced that Cloud said “Don't I get a say in this?” like he's arguing with Aerith's decision. That he's admitting he's already in love with her.

“Do I get a say in all this?” is a totally different kettle of fish.

Don't connotates a confrontational tone. It's argumentative. It's rejecting whatever previous statement was made.

Do is a question. It's inquisitive. Placid. Neutral. It's neither confirming, nor denying the previous statement. It's merely asking for more information.

Funny how those little word replacements some people use end up twisting the narrative.

Cloud’s not just speaking about Aerith’s most recent statement either. He’s talking about the whole conversation they just had. The possibility that she’s dead or dying and he doesn’t get any choice about it. This is a throwback to the OG theme of life and death and how the dying get to say goodbye and decide how to leave, while the living don’t and have to figure out how to move on from it afterwards. 

Anyway, Cloud has his back to us, so we don't even know if that's coming from SOLDIER!Cloud or real!Cloud, so that's up for debate and I won't even bother since he's got his back to us and we can't see either way.

And then we've got the cool SOLDIER!Cloud (screen) telling Aerith he's gonna save her. We already know that Cloud does his best to sound cool and confident when talking to Aerith because he doesn't know how to be himself around her. This is the kind of line you'd expect to hear from him.

She replies, “If that's what you want.” which is also very non-specific. It's a neutral statement that leaves things up to Cloud. It could imply an answer to the previous question he asked, since the two do stand beside each other and make sense. However, the interjected “It's almost morning” line breaks this up and makes it less of an impactful statement from her. She's done her upmost to neutralise any romantic context from this scene.

Conclusion

If yall saw romance then okay, you must be right.

I sure af didn't. I saw a regretful Aerith telling Cloud things he shouldn't be aware of yet, feeling more regretful for confusing someone who's already suffering from mental illness and then making non-committal statements that neither reject or encourage his attention.

Maybe she's regretful for her own sake as well, knowing what she does about him and still doing this to push some future narrative only she's aware of, but I wouldn't say this is romantic. It's clearly some kind of goodbye from her. Cloud, for his part, looks confused and guarded through most of the scene. There's one moment when his real self peeks out to question Aerith's meaning, but then he's gone again. We can't say for any certainty that his question was asked by his true self or his SOLDIER persona and without visual context I won't speculate.