#Y'know How Like Dogs Do When You Scratch Their Belly Just Right?

[thesetwoidiots]

Stephen, to Sam: Sometimes I feel like Tony forgets that certain things are meant to be kept to himself.

Sam: Such as?

Tony, loudly from the kitchen: Hey, Nat! Did you know Stephen kicks his right leg like a dog when I-

Natasha, walking away: Nope!

Sam: Ah. I see.

[evolsinner]

⊱┊30

i don't need 'looking after'! i am perfectly capable of taking care of my own damn self. from the moment kayrem has walked back into our lives, he's been showing off. he's trying to prove his 'worth' to the family, and it's annoying the heck out of me!

first, he takes me away from isaac against my will, then he does this elaborate show of how much he still has an effect on me. i mean, the only reason i called him is that there was no one else to call!! and now he's brought a fucking dog for maxi? sucking up to father? it's not fair! he just doesn't get to be gone for this long and then have the easiest welcome back party.

i hate him!

after grumpily hopping out of the shower, i crash straight into bed. mum's doing overtime which means i'll get to see her first thing in the morning. this is good because i'm still figuring out what to say to her.

my parents always change roles, either one of them is too mad and the other is understanding or vice versa. so i guess she’s gonna be playing the ‘mad’ role tomorrow.

i slide out of bed and creep down the hallway, pausing at the source of the problem…in me.

"what are you doing?" i push the door further in.

without looking up from his crouching position, kayrem’s like, “the dvd player is jacked up. i'm tryna get it to work," and takes a gulp from his redbull.

"can't you wait till tomorrow to do it?"

"tomorrow can wait."

ugh, i never seem to make sense of his comebacks like these. just answer properly, jeez. "what are you tryna watch anyway?"

"get in the bed and you'll see," he grins.

the fuck? wait... i mean, i do kinda need to tell him something so..

"oh, and, shut the door. make sure to lock it too."

"'lock it'?" i stand there nervously.

"we don't want anyone walking in."

huh?

"if one of those scenes happen to come on," he adds like an afterthought.

"oh..." i shut the door and crawl into his bed, sitting up and crossing my legs. "why not just netflix and chill? that dvd player is pretty old; i don't think you can get it to work." i immediately shut my mouth, realising what i said could be taken the wrong way too.

he quits messing about with the player and looks over his shoulder at me with an amused frown, "huh?"

"i meant, like, watch a movie on the laptop. not..y'know. like, literally only a movie and nothing else."

"fine, i suppose you do have a point," he turns off the tv and dvd player before grabbing the laptop and climbing into bed with me. "fuck,” he taps away at the keys, “forgot it was flat.”

"can you just sleep with me instead?"

he raises his eyebrows, surprised.

"next to me! n~not with me!" i quickly clarify before laying down, all red and hot.

i hear the lid of the laptop shut, followed by a swift motion of a shirt being pulled off. the bed dips as a body lies down behind me. gradually, i feel warmth shifting closer to me and the smell of red bull breath. like magnets, we stick together. a hand weaves its way underneath my shirt and i tense up.

"relax," he coos.

his fingers trace over my mini love handles, nearing my belly button. i don't know if i want him to go higher or lower. slightly, i back up into him, rubbing my ass in circular motions on his dick. a grunt leaves his mouth, his hot breath hitting my nape. my respiration elevates and the follicles on my forearms stand up.

"sorry," i sigh.

"don't be. if you like it, keep doing it."

i back up into him further and rest my ass on his bulge. his hand goes higher, tracing the side of my boob, to my underboobs, then to the other side; forming a 'w' in the process.

"you're not wearing a bra.”

"..they're uncomfortable."

he slowly goes up the slopes of my boobs and runs his thumb over my tits, kneading them for a while. "you like this?"

"mhm.."

"how about this?" he skims his hand all the way down to the top of my panties.

i turn a little on my back and buck my hips up, desperately inching my body closer to his fingertips. he inserts his hand and goes past the stubble to reach my throbbing clit. now i can feel the pressure of his dick getting erect and also his hand on my pussy.

"here?" his finger hovers.

"y..yes.."

he tenderly presses down and a moan escapes my mouth.

"you're so sensitive, babysis," he whispers. "i haven't even started."

he rubs my button in a figure 8 which makes me squirm like a worm. his fingers slide in between my moist folds, massaging me, as they go back up again to torture my clit.

"kayrem, please, in..in me."

he puts his mouth next to my ear, "how many?"

"as many as you can fit.."

"on one condition, you have to call me by my middle name from now on, sis."

knots get created in my stomach. knots and crosses. clusters and ravels. memories and misery. no, this cannot be happening again. i was here to talk to him, not play with him.

"stop.”

"what?"

"lavanda," i pull his hand out, "i'm sorry."

he doesn't say anything, but i can tell he's not that happy. i turn to face him. he's lying on his back with an arm crossed behind his head, in a pensive mood. there's a sense of nostalgia dancing in his distant expression as he stares out the skylight. i cuddle up to him, laying an arm and a leg over his torso.

“missed my room,” he murmurs melancholically.

“yeah, think i liked it better as a guest room.”

“shut up,” he rolls his eyes. "…why did you come back, marie?"

"i have something to tell you."

he glances at me curiously with those hazel eyes. how can i get lost in them when i have the exact same colour? his other sleeveless arm lingers over the blanket. i shift closer to him so that my body gently presses into his. he’s warm.

"i'm pregnant."

nothing but tensive as hell silence fills the room.

finally, kayrem exhales loudly, his stomach deflating and my arm lowering with the motion. "why the fuck are you telling me that?" he shoves me away. "i don't care about the shit you do with him. i also don't appreciate you bringing his shit back here."

"your shit."

"what?" he faces me with a blank expression.

"it's yours."

he opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

i sit up criss~cross applesauce. "that night when we did it, i..i haven't gotten my.." i clear my throat and start again. "i haven't gotten my..my.. ugh, sorry," i apologise, picking at my cuticles.

"it's okay. you can tell me. i’m your big brother," kayrem leans up on his elbow and stops me from fidgeting.

"i haven't gotten my period since. isaac said that he could deal with me being.." i gesture with my eyes to my tummy, "but he doesn't know that it's yours. and if he did, i don't know what he'll think of me. i just thought you should know before i did anything.”

“i..uhh…” kayrem scratches the back of his head. "do you know how far along you are?"

i shake my head.

"have you been to the doctors?"

i shake my head again.

"jesus, marie, have you done anything for it?"

no…

"i'm taking you to the docs tomorrow, i don't care," and he slumps back down.

"what, no!"

"you're going."

"i'm not!"

"like, hell."

"for fuck's sake!" i throw my hands up in the air. "i'm not keeping it, okay!”

he glares at me, trying to remain pragmatic, "i'm pretty sure this is the hormones talking, not you."

"don't you dare blame this on the hormones!"

"fine then," he spits out, "why even tell me all this when you could've gotten rid of it back there?! huh!?"

"because you had the right to know,” i murmur sadly.

he closes his eyes and shakes his head with a sigh, "you don't have to get rid of it because of how it came to be. it's selfish..heedless."

i shrug.

“if you’re worried about mother and father, don’t be. as long as i’m here, nobody can hurt you.”

yet he hurts me from simply uttering those weighty words.

"you can still give it up, but don't kill it.”

"we need to… incest and stuff. it’ll look like an alien.”

“incest or love?”

“i don’t love you, loser.”

“listen, we made the risk the moment we decided not to use..” he stops himself, clearly agitated. “anyways, the point is, marie, you're not a killer. you're nowhere close to being like him."

“what did you say?”

"nothing.”

“no, you said something, tell me.”

“dang it," kayrem rolls his eyes frustratedly. "i wasn't supposed to say anything till morning."

"what are you talking about?"

"hey," he grips my hand softly. "c’mon, let's go to sleep."

"no," i snatch my hand back. "i don't want you touching me right now."

he scoffs, "for real?"

i stare at him.

“whatever, get some sleep," and he turns on his other side, throwing the blanket over himself.

"i hate you, kayrem, i really do."

no answer.

i was about to leave his stupid room when the door sways open quietly.

"rosé, are you in here?" maxi's fragile voice wonders.

"buddy, what's up?" kayrem lifts his head up.

"wasn't talkin' to you," maxi mumbles.

"maxi, what happened?" i ask him.

"rosé," he says with relief when he hears my voice, "i..i had a nightmare and it was... it was..." he breaks into tears before having the chance to finish his sentence.

"naw, baby, come here," i hold my arms out.

"it was really scary!" he squeals and runs to me.

"it was just a nightmare, maxi, a bad dream," i console him, wiping his tears away. "it's not real. you have nothing to worry about, i promise."

"can i sleep with you guys, please?" he asks innocently.

“let’s go to my room, okay?”

"of course," kayrem grips my arm. "jump in, maximus. you can sleep in the middle, between me and marie."

"the... the house was on fire," maxi lays down, and i pull the covers over him. "i couldn't find you, rosé. i couldn't find mummy or daddy or kayrem too. when i looked out the window, i saw all of you standing there and smiling at me."

"jesus..." kayrem mutters.

"you know us, maxi," i sweep his locks to the side. "we would never leave you if the house was ever on fire. that wasn't us in your dream. they just looked like us."

"but you left me ~ twice, already."

i have trouble replying, sorta embarrassed, and give kayrem a glance.

"hey, bud, it was just a nightmare, alright?" he decides to step in for me. "nightmares can scare you, but they can't hurt you."

"see, you're safe with us," i add. "now go to sleep," i kiss him on the forehead. "kayrem and i will make sure the monsters can't come and get you."

"yeah, lil bro, your sister and i...we have our ways," he sends me a wink.

ew.

maxi nods, sobbing in my chest, and tries to fall asleep.

"what the fuck kind of movies have you been letting him watch lately?!" i hiss at kayrem.

"just an ep or two of supernatural," he informs me. "didn't think it'd be that bad."

"you didn't think..??" i shake my head in irritation. "you're such an idiot..!"

after 10 minutes or so, i can hear little snores coming from maxi.

kayrem puts his arm across maxi and rests the hand at the end of it on my waist. "kinda like seeing you like this," he whispers. "all protective of him. turns me on...a little."

i punch his shoulder, "nothing's gonna happen between you and i with him here. now shush, you're gonna wake him."

with my eyelids closed, the scent of red bull breath comes even closer, and before i know it, a pair of wet lips have enveloped over mine. i am caught a bit off guard because, like, our little brother is with us, and what if he wakes up? however, this doesn't seem to bother my big brother in the slightest.

there's something mellow about the kiss. it makes me feel safe and sound. i try not to make a sound or get lost in it, but i'm kinda losing it already. he tastes of sin, taurine and the colour red if red had a taste. he sticks his hand under my shirt, egging me on. we're both lowkey squishing burrito maxi in the process.

"fuck, stop, stop..!" i quickly retract.

"he's asleep," kayrem says calmly. "he ain't seein' nothin'," and attempts to find my lips again.

"i don't care. goodnight."

a moment later, kayrem snuggles his head inches away from mine and is like, "this could be us, you know. keep it, please.”

[godlyborn]

end of an era. | keaton & rory.

date: june 12, 2020 characters: keaton arkwright & rory mikaelsohn summary: keaton and rory talk about their relationship.

Keaton walked Sheep over to the Zeus cabin. It had been odd these last few weeks with the two of them moved out of their apartment, and back where they were a few years ago. Something was still off, and Keaton knew it. She had been off, different then before everything. If he was being honest, he was also off. The last few conversations with his therapist, has been making him realizing things about himself, about him and Rory, that he couldn't keep his mind off. He was too afraid to voice them though. Voice them into reality, or voice them and hurt Rory. "Go get Mama," Keaton said, letting Sheep of his leash to find Rory. Keaton followed Sheep, and after the dog greeted Rory, Keaton wasn't too far behind. "Hey."

Rory had left the front door open, anticipating Keaton’s arrival.  Sprawled out on the couch, she was trying her best to get out of her own head for a minute, not wanting everything that’s been on her mind lately to weigh her down. The jingling of a leash pulled her attention away, and a bright smile appeared on her face when she caught sight of Sheep running towards her. Dropping down to the floor, she let the dog jump on top of her and fussed over him. “Hi Sheepy!” Her bed felt colder and it was weird to adjust to not having her dog or her boyfriend to curl up with her at night. Piper was starting to warm up to cuddling at night, but it wasn’t the same. “I missed you so much, baby boy!” Herring footsteps, she looked up, her grin now directed towards Keaton, though she couldn’t get off the floor because of the dog sprawled on top of her. “Hey, babe.”

Keaton smiled when he saw her, taking a seat next to her on the floor. "How was your day?" Keaton asked, letting Sheep roll over so that he was laying in the middle of the two of them, belly up.  "Where's Piper?"

When he sat down next to her, Rory leaned over to give him a quick kiss. With Sheep now off of her, the smile dimmed slightly, and she could feel her brain kick start once again, especially at his question. “It was alright,” she started, busying herself with looking around the room for the cat in question. “Pipes is around here somewhere, she ran off after a toy before so she could be anywhere honestly.” She made a few whistling noises, and while Piper didn’t make herself known, there was a thump from somewhere farther in the cabin. “Bailey isn’t here so that must be her.”

Not too long after the thump, Piper came running in, tripping slightly over her big for her paws. Piper rolled up next to Sheep and Keaton scratched behind her ears. “So, uh, the apartment is all clean, and the landlord just said to give him the keys within the week.”

Rory shook her head, laughing slightly as Piper tripped. That cat went from dopey idiot to sweet love bug in five seconds flat, and she never failed to find it endearing. The smile fully fell off of her face as Keaton spoke again, and she pressed her lips together as she nodded. “Alright, yeah. I’ll drop mine off before my shift on Tuesday.” She felt awkward, about the situation they found themselves and everything else that was running through her head. Rory knew that she needed to talk about it, and soon, but she was unwilling to just yet. Instead, she gave him a small smile as she looked up at him. “Do you want me to bring yours too? Or did you already drop it off?”

“If you want, I was going to ask you the same thing,” Keaton replied with a small chuckle. Keaton took off the key from his key ring, a moment of silence flooding over them. “So uh, how’s Bailey? I haven’t seen her in a while.”

Rory only felt more awkward as the silence seemed to drag on.  She busied herself with pulling her hair-ties out of her braids, making quick work of taking both of them out of her hair.  "Oh, she's good, running around all the time as usual.  We're both still getting used to living together again." She shrugged.  "How's everything over with your sisters?"

"They're good, we've been working in the forges a lot. I think I've come to know at least 4 classic rock albums by heart by now," Keaton replied. "Blue's been in and out with her geefs, and Morgan, is y'know, Morgan," he replied. "Though like you with Bailey, we're getting used to being in the same cabin together again, at least Blue and I, I've never lived in the cabin with Morgan before."

Rory laughed slightly, she remembered the other Heph kids mentioning Morgan's obsession with blasting classic rock while in the forges. "Yeah, that makes sense."  She paused, but realized that was pretty much her reply to everything Keaton had said and instead moved to fuss over Sheep again.  "And hows my Sheepy boy settling in?”

"You know, Morgan loves Sheep, when he's not with me, he's usually with her," Keaton replied.

Rory nodded her head, Blue liked Sheep too, so she knew that her boy was in good hands between the three of them.  "Good, I knew she would love him.  It's hard not to with this cute face." She took another minute or three to pet Sheep and center her thoughts.  Taking in a breath, Macey's voice sounded in her brain.  This is your life, Ror. Take charge. Her eyes slide shut as she let out a shaky breath.  She knew what she needed to do and while she wasn't quite sure she was 100% ready to pull the trigger, Rory knew she couldn't keep pretending.  "I think we need to talk."

Keaton's mind was on so many other things, Rory's voice brought him back. "Oh, yeah?" he asked. "What's up?"

Rory let out another breath, not being able to help the flare of annoyance that flared in the pits of her stomach.  The last thing she wanted was to do all the work in this conversation, therapy already made her feel emotionally drained almost constantly and this didn't help whatsoever.  This is necessary she reminded herself, but still couldn't bring herself to look Keaton in the eyes.  "We need to talk about us, Keat."

Silence fell between the two of them when Rory mentioned talking about them. Their relationship had been on his mind fo a while now, even he's talked to his therapist about it, and even his therapist thought what was going on between the two of them was unhealthy. Keaton let out a slight sigh, almost relieved that he wasn't the one to bring it up, too scared to. "Uh, yeah."

Now turning her entire body to face Keaton, she found the words disappearing from her brain.  The two of them have been awkward lately, which yeah made sense since they moved out of the apartment, but it seemed to be more than just that.  Rory's brain had been going in circles since the minute that apartment door shut behind her the night of their fight and her therapist had finally been able to help her start to understand everything that had been making her feel so on edge this whole time.  "I love you, Keaton. You know that I do.." Her voice trailed off, her throat feeling as if it had closed up on her suddenly.

Keaton let out the breath that he had subconsciously been holding when she started her sentence, but trailed off. They had been at two different points in time, but it seemed to come together when she opened up the gates to what seemed like a break up conversation. "I love you too, but you're breaking up with me, aren't you?" he asked, relieved that she was the first to mention it somewhat first. "I'd be lying if I wasn't thinking about it too."

She froze at his words, letting them ring in her head before her body reacted.  Sagging slightly, she let out an almost relieved sounding sigh.  "Yeah, I am."  This was a terrible thing to be relieved over, but the tears that welled up in her eyes were ones of genuine sadness.  "I just think I need time, we both do.  There's so much stuff I haven't let myself get over yet and I feel like I'm just....not me."  Rory had always been very aware of the person she was at her core, but as time went on and all the trauma started to pile up in the dark corners of her mind, she felt that person slipping away from her.  "I just need to be me again and I can't let myself become this dependent person." She reached out, gripping his hand tightly as the tears fell down her cheeks.  "I need to do this for me.  I've done everything for everyone else for so long, but I can't do that anymore."

When Rory started crying, Keaton didn't really know what to do. He wanted to hug her and tell her it would be okay, but this was happening, this wasn't a fix it situation. He wanted this too. "I want that for you too," Keaton replied. "I don't want this, but I think that it needs to happen. I don't know. I want you to be who you are, and I know who you can be, and I love that about you, and I want you to be happy, and I know that for you to do that, it's not with me." Keaton broke eye contact with her, feeling weird not comforting her when she's crying. "I don't want you to become dependent, especially on me, because I'm a mess right now too, and I'm just realizing so much shit I never realized before. I'm so dependent on you, and our relationship, that I don't even know who I am. That's not your fault at all, to clarify, that's a me thing. I don't want that for you. As of late, I've been a shitty boyfriend, a shitty person really." Even though he wasn't hugging her, he still let his thumb rub circles into the back of her hand that she had in his.

Blinking the tears away, Rory intently listened to everything he had to say and just felt so grateful that he understood where she was coming from, that he even agreed with her that this needed to happen for the both of them to heal.  "Don't blame all of this on you, I haven't exactly been girlfriend of the year or anything lately." She leaned her cheek against the couch and froze so Sheep could get comfy again, tucking himself closer to her lap when he saw the tears in her eyes.  "I want you to be so happy, Keaton and I wish that I could that person to help you figure out who you are alone, but I can't be right now.  I let all this shit basically take over my life and you don't deserve someone like that holding you back from figuring out what makes you happy."

“It’s crap to say that I don’t want you to help with that. You have so much going on, that I know you need to work through too, and I don’t know how to be there for you,” Keaton said. “You’ve done so much for me already, and you need to do things for you, and I need to learn that I shouldn’t be so dependent on someone who isn’t myself. I don’t know if that even made any sense.” Keaton sighed and then looked up at Rory again. “We’re not who we were months ago, or hell, even years ago when we met. You’d never hold me back. What happened Rory, that shit was traumatic, it’s understandable that you need to figure out yourself and figure it all out, without me, especially for the fact that I look like a complete idiot trying to help you, because you were right when we fought, I don’t even have my own shit figured out. I’ve been running for so long, and I guess when you started running, I didn’t want that to happen. It fucked me up, and it’s a shitty road to go down, and I didn’t want you to feel all the hurt that I felt, that I still feel. It’s the last thing that I ever wanted.”

Rory shook her head.  "That doesn't mean I had the right to say it.  I was too proud to say that anything was wrong with me, or maybe I was just too scared to admit it.  But what it was, it didn't change the fact that no matter what, you tried to help me.  Doesn't matter if your way of doing so helped or not, but you tried and I'll always be grateful for that." A sad smile grew on her face, and her free hand moved to rest gently on his cheek.  "We're definitely not those kids anymore, but we need to figure out who those kids became separately if we have any shot of figuring out if we work together anymore."

Keaton leaned his head sideways against the couch. "Aren't you scared though?" he asked, and then sighed. "I know we both need it, but I'm scared I'll just fall into myself."

"Oh, I'm terrified. But being terrified of myself is what got me into this hole in the first place, so." She shrugged and the humor in her voice had almost a depressed tone to it.  "I'm tired of being scared."

Keaton let out a small laugh, it was almost comical how he didn't believe they would get to this point. "How did we even get ourselves here, Rory?"

Rory's brain quickly flashed through everything they've been through, all the trauma between them that they were too young to handle.  Now that she was looking back, she almost wondered how they hadn't reached this point earlier.  "I don't know, Keat.  I guess everything finally caught up to us."

Keaton looked forward again, his hand rubbing the top of Sheep's head. "Yeah, I guess so."

[dvp95]

can’t breathe when you touch my sleeve - chapter 4

pairing: dan howell/phil lester

rating: e (eventually)

warnings: none

tags: alternate universe, slow burn, fluff & humour, tiny bit of inner turmoil wrt sexuality but trust me it’s not that deep, eventual smut, idiots in love

word count: 3,122 for this chapter (15,775 total)

summary: Dan keeps making a fool of himself in interviews, to the point where it’s basically a meme. Now he’s got to sit down for the better part of an hour and sell his show to the YouTuber he’d had a massive crush on when he was a teenager.

read from the beginning on ao3 or on tumblr!

read this chapter on ao3 or here!

i want to die

Aw, what happened? Did you give SugarScape spoilers?

Despite Dan's horrible mood, that makes him snort. no you buffoon 1 sugarscape has been dead for yrs, much like how i would like to be 2 i don't say spoilers ever 3 it's WORSE

I may be a little out of the loop. You gonna make me guess? I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think it was.

phil, Dan sends on its own for emphasis. i touched my coworkers tit on live telly and now i can't look her in the fucking eye

Jaime hadn't actually cared much. She'd laughed at him, made some jokes about how Dan's spatial awareness hadn't developed yet, and then moved on with grace. Meanwhile, Dan had been having a mild panic attack on his side of the sofa because all he'd meant to do was brush a distracting piece of lint off Jaime's shoulder and, somehow, drastically missed.

It was all of ten seconds of his life, and Dan is still freaking out about it. He's been pacing his hotel room since they got back, hasn't even bothered changing out of the nice shirt he'd worn for the interview.

Like accidentally? Phil finally replies on Dan's third lap of the room.

no phil i need to grope people on camera to finish. what kind of person do you think i am. YES ACCIDENTALLY.

I dunno what you're into. I'm sure she knew it was an accident?

Yes, Jaime knows it was an accident, but that's not the point. there will be gifs phil

Phil sends him some emojis, only some of which make any sense in context. Dan isn't sure why that calms him down so much. He sits on the edge of his bed and sighs, waiting for Phil to stop typing. It takes a while, but eventually Phil says, Then you'll deal with them. It honestly can't be worse than you falling off the Jimmy Kimmel stage? I swear I saw that gif for months before I knew who you were. And if you're worried about people saying you did it on purpose, tell Jaime. You can talk about it like adults.

It's all laid out very clearly, and while it does make Dan feel better, he doesn't think he's finished being dramatic yet. He checks the time and sighs heavily.

dont suppose you'd be up for a late lunch/early dinner to distract me??

Sure! :), Phil responds immediately. The quickness of his agreement makes that part of Dan's brain start shouting again. I'm actually filming today though. I'll be done in like half an hour if you want to meet me here? Then we can either get takeaway or go out?

It's truly fascinating to Dan how practiced Phil seems to be at giving someone options and pretending like either one is fine rather than just offering his own opinion on the matter.

After assuring Phil that he'll be there, Dan considers getting changed. He's only got fifteen if he wants to get to Phil's place on time, and he isn't exactly known for his quick wardrobe decisions.

In the end, Dan just swaps his nice shoes for some sneakers and rolls his sleeves up. He's a little overdressed still, a McQueen button-down maybe a little too fancy for just hanging out with a new friend, but. He doesn't want to be late. Besides, he looks good. Maybe he likes the idea of Phil being surprised, looking him up and down, having the interview as an excuse to be so dressed up.

The part of Dan's brain that exists to remind him that men are attractive has been so, so loud this week. It's been impossible to ignore.

Dan messes with his straightened fringe until his phone beeps, telling him his Uber is outside. He remembers where Phil lives, in the very vaguest sense, but has to get the exact address from Phil.

He's glad that Phil's front door is painted a specific sort of blue. It would be just Dan's luck to knock on the wrong narrow brick building.

Thor barks, somewhere inside, and Dan shoves his hands in his jean pockets as he waits for Phil to answer the door.

"Hey!" Phil greets him before he's even fully opened the door, beaming. To the great pleasure of Dan's ego, Phil's eyebrows raise as he looks Dan over. "Y'know, you could have changed. I wouldn't have minded waiting a bit."

"Feeling underdressed?" Dan teases.

"A little," says Phil. He pushes his glasses up and gestures at his own graphic tee and slippered feet. "If I'd known there was a dress code, I'd have put on a sports coat."

"You look fine, I was just impatient," says Dan. He waits for another beat. "Uh, can I... come in?"

Phil is giving him a smile, the one with deep eye crinkles and his tongue trapped in his teeth, but it drops as he realises that they've just been standing in his doorway. "Oh! Yeah, sorry, come in. I'm actually not done filming just yet, Thor distracted me. Shouldn't take long."

"What are you filming?" Dan asks curiously, his heart pounding a bit as he follows Phil inside and then, surprisingly, downstairs. "Wait, you're the basement flat? Your video lighting is so good, though!"

"Mostly artificial," says Phil. He sounds wistful. "Someday I'll have a place with a glass window, just you wait."

"What are your windows made of now?"

"What? They're made of glass."

"Then why would you need to wait for one?"

"What did I say?"

"Glass window," says Dan, fighting back giggles. They reach the basement door and Phil lets them in, giving Dan a sheepish sort of smile over his shoulder.

"I meant a glass wall. Like a wall of windows, y'know? That's the dream."

"Yeah, it is," Dan agrees, but he's distracted by the fact that he's in Phil's flat. He kicks his shoes off among the pile next to the door and looks around. "It feels super weird to be seeing this place in 3D."

"Oh, probably," Phil laughs. "You want some slippers? My feet get so cold down here, I've got like a dozen pairs."

"I'm alright."

Phil's flat has less natural light than Dan had expected - or, evidently, than Phil would prefer - but the sheer number of lamps, string lights, and scented candles scattered around the place give it a soft glow that Dan is a big fan of. There are bright colours on every surface and every wall, and the overall effect isn't as overwhelming as it could be. Dan still thinks it could be edited down, but. It's very Phil.

To his vague surprise, he sees Phil's bed pushed against the far wall, a backless bookshelf the only divider from the open living space. Box lights and camera are all set up at the side of his bed.

"If I didn't know what you did for a living," says Dan, gesturing at the setup.

Phil grins at him. "Yeah. My landlord still doesn't believe that I don't make porn. You want a drink?"

"Sure, whatever you're having," says Dan. He spots Thor, curled up on a fluffy dog bed in the corner, and immediately starts cooing. "Oh, there you are! Hello!"

Thor perks up, cocking his head to the side, and Dan gets on the floor to call him over. Within seconds, he ends up on his back with an armful of happy puppy, and he giggles helplessly as Thor licks all over his face.

"Thor, down," Phil says from somewhere above them, sounding amused. Thor backs off, winding through Phil's legs a couple of times before he trots back to his bed.

"I love him," Dan informs Phil, still flat on his back. It's not the most flattering angle to look up at Phil, but he can deal.

"So do I," says Phil. He holds up a glass. "Ribena?"

"Please," says Dan, standing back up to accept the drink. He suddenly feels very weird, standing in the middle of Phil's lounge slash dining area slash kitchen slash bedroom. "Er, you've still got to finish filming, yeah? I can just... sit."

With a small grin, Phil waves at his sofa. "Make yourself at home. Just try not to rile Thor up too much? He's already made my blooper reel longer than the video itself."

"I think I can handle that."

Dan cannot, in fact, handle it. He brings his Ribena to the floor so he can sit next to the dog bed and scratch all of Thor's favourite spots. He finds one of Thor's toys as he listens to Phil wrap up a story that sounds maybe ten percent true, and then - well. It progresses to a tug of war before Dan can even entertain the idea that this might be distracting to Phil.

"Dan," Phil says, in this tone like he's trying to sound stern but can't stop smiling. "Are you growling at Thor?"

Yes. "Maybe."

"Maybe? I'm literally filming right now."

"He's just so cute," Dan whines.

"I know he is," says Phil. "I deal with this struggle every day of my life."

Dan sighs and lets Thor have the rope, watching wistfully as he zooms off with it. "Sorry, I'm really not trying to be a dick. I know this is your job."

"Hey, no," says Phil, suddenly sounding much closer. Dan looks up from corgi-watching to see Phil leaning against one side of his shelves, hands in his pockets and a soft smile playing around his lips. Butterflies erupt somewhere in Dan's belly. "I'm not bothered, really. I think it's cute. I just also, y'know, would like to eat sometime today."

"Why don't I just order something?" Dan suggests.

"Alright," Phil hums. "I'm lactose intolerant and hate mushrooms, but the intolerance can be ignored for pizza if that's what you want."

If that's what Dan wants. "What do you want?"

Phil blinks. "Oh, whatever."

"No," Dan presses. He knows it isn't very good manners, but he wants to see if Phil will actually offer an opinion of his own instead of walking that thin line of indifference. "I will quite literally eat anything. You pick."

It's quiet for a moment while Phil thinks it over, only the hum of the refrigerator and Thor's little huffs of breath for background noise. Dan has to admit that the small basement windows have an upside - less traffic din is able to get through. Coupled with the way Phil has lit his flat, the atmosphere makes Dan feel comfortable, like he could curl up here and just stay.

The rug under Dan is soft, the Ribena is perfectly watered down, and he's got a cute dog and a cute boy to stare at. He really could sit here forever and be content.

"I feel like Chinese," Phil says eventually. He's chewing on his lip, and Dan realises he hasn't seen Phil look so... anxious.

"Chinese sounds great," says Dan. "I'll order."

Phil seems relieved that he hasn't accidentally made a horrible choice or something, and he goes back to filming while Dan fucks around on different apps to find the best Chinese place in Phil's area.

--

"You never actually told me how you managed to grope someone."

Dan, who had gotten all wrapped up in chow mein and MasterChef and had forgotten his hellish morning by this point, chokes on air.

"Oh my god, nooooo," he groans, covering his face with both hands and sinking further into the sofa. He hears Phil laugh. "She just! Had some fucking, like, fluff on her shoulder. Like lint. I was gonna brush it off."

"How did you fuck that up so hard?" Phil asks. He sounds so amused that Dan wants to keep hiding, but the curse has him peeking out between his fingers curiously.

"I've never heard you swear," says Dan.

"I don't," says Phil, "on YouTube."

Unfortunately for Dan, the sound of Phil swearing is very hot. He groans again, overdramatic to cover up his very real blush, and gesticulates wildly. "My limbs are not friends with my brain, okay, I've got very big hands and I misjudged where I was putting one of them."

"Yeah, you do." Phil's eyes track Dan's hands with an intensity that makes Dan's gut constrict. Then he blinks, meets Dan's eye again, and the look is gone. "That sucks. I get it, though, my body and brain are not on the same frequency at all."

Dan thinks, a little hysterically, that this is a very good reason not to try and have sex with AmazingPhil - he doesn't want to end up in A&E.

There are roughly a hundred other reasons, too. Dan's uncertainty about his own identity, the fact that he's only in the UK for another two weeks, and the very real bond that they've been forming as friends are all at the forefront of his mind. Even so, it helps to make a joke to himself about it.

"Have you ever touched a tit accidentally?" Dan asks dryly.

"I've never touched a tit at all," says Phil. He's drinking coffee despite the hour hurtling into evening quickly, and Dan has to wonder if he ever sleeps. "Not really my wheelhouse."

"They're fine," Dan says, with much less enthusiasm than he normally would. He can't sit here and talk about his boob opinions with Phil, though, because that way lies madness. So he changes the subject, talks loudly about the episode of MasterChef they're on.

He's not ready to come out properly to himself, let alone to someone he barely knows.

Well, okay. It would be more accurate to say 'just met', because Dan feels like he does know Phil fairly well at this point. At least as well as he knows Jaime or Patrick. And maybe that's more of a commentary on how shit a coworker he is, how bad at making friends he is, but whatever. The point is that he likes spending time with Phil a lot, and he wants to do it more, but he can't have that conversation yet.

Dan knows he's attracted to guys. When he was younger and had an even worse handle on himself, that attraction would either lead to fumbling, fearing for his safety, or both.

Right now, specifically, he is attracted to Phil. This feels different, because he's got no reason to fear Phil or to immediately jump him, he's just comfortable sitting next to Phil in the dim light and letting the warmth of the feelings settle in his chest.

Maybe someday he'll be ready to tell Phil that he likes guys. Maybe that'll even go somewhere. For now, Dan is going to trash talk the chefs like he knows what he's talking about and settle into Phil's sofa and laugh like he belongs there.

Dan gets a little too comfortable. He has no idea what time it is when his eyes start to droop, but he's sure it's unreasonably early for someone who goes to sleep in the wee hours of morning most of the time.

A hand on his shoulder jerks him back into full awareness, and Dan blinks over at Phil. "Whuh?"

"Hey," says Phil. He's smiling and his voice is low. Dan can feel the slight chill of Phil's palm through the thin material of his dress shirt.

It's overwhelming, suddenly, how much Dan wants to lean in to Phil. The itch under his skin that he would feel ten years or so ago, the restless, guilty want that had him falling into bed with whatever bloke would let him, is thrumming through him with an intensity he hasn't prepared for. Dan's tongue feels heavy, and his gaze drops to Phil's mouth before he can stop it.

"Hey," echoes Dan, a beat or two late.

"You're falling asleep," Phil says. There's something about his tone that Dan can't quite place, so focused on his own emotions as he is. "You wanna stay over?"

Dan really, really does. But he really, really, really shouldn't.

"I can't," he says, not bothering to hide how regretful it makes him to turn the offer down. "Breakfast telly or whatever in the morning."

The loss of Phil's hand on Dan is one that he thinks he'll be feeling until Phil touches him again. "Of course. You probably have to wake up ridiculously early for that, huh?"

"Unfortunately."

Dan orders himself an Uber and slides to the floor with Thor in order to stop himself from giving his body what it wants in the short amount of time before it arrives. Thor likes the attention, and when Dan glances up to see the soft, unguarded look in Phil's eye, he thinks that Phil probably doesn't mind being ditched for his dog.

They chat about MasterChef and Dan's upcoming interview for a few minutes, safe topics, and Dan is disappointed when his phone beeps with the notification that his driver is close. He doesn't actually want to leave, he just knows he has to.

"We have to do this again before you head up to Edinburgh," says Phil. He walks Dan to the door, which is a little pointless - it's a total of eight steps away.

"How'd you know we're going to Edinburgh this weekend?" Dan asks, distracted from the process of getting his shoes on.

"Been in the business a while, lucky guess."

"Right. Well, then, I'll have to see what I'm doing on Friday."

"Yeah, just message me," says Phil.

There's a moment after Dan gets his shoes on where they're both just standing there looking at each other, and Dan's heart starts pounding like he's getting chased.

"I'll see you Friday," Dan says quietly, even though he isn't sure that he's free. He just needs to say something. His phone beeps again, probably telling him the driver is outside, and Dan is both relieved and annoyed.

Phil opens his mouth to say something, but Dan's racing heart and anxious mind doesn't want to hear whatever it is. He steps forward and wraps his arms around Phil's waist in a tight goodbye hug. It's the sort of embrace he'd give any of his friends, nothing overly intimate, but he knows he'll be thinking about it later anyway.

When Phil's arms drape over Dan's shoulders and his thumb brushes deliberate circles over the back of Dan's neck, it hits Dan very suddenly that if he were to try and kiss Phil right now, Phil would let him. That kind of knowledge is intoxicating, the surety of it making Dan's head swim.

But. He still doesn't know for sure what he wants, and his Uber is waiting. So he just pulls away, says goodnight, leaves.

[ducklingdraws]

My Idea for a Scooby-Doo! Reboot

So a while back, after noticing that Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated was on Spectrum On Demand, I decided, "Hey, I'm gonna rewatch this show." I don't know why I did it, because I rarely ever rewatch shows. I'll watch reruns, but never have I actually decided to rewatch a television series. But, I did it for Scooby-Doo.

And frankly, I had forgotten how good the show was. It's honestly really dark, while also being absolutely hilarious; and in its humor, the show actually does really unique things with the Scooby-Doo gang, with the biggest example being this show's version of Fred Jones. It's wild. But in my opinion, the thing that really makes this show what it is...

...is its story. I feel like the story and characters are fuel for this show in a way that feels different from other shows, somehow. I don't really get it, but that's the way I see it.

So, seeing as there's all these serialized cartoon series nowadays, and Scooby-Doo is always getting rebooted in one way or another, I figured... what if I rebooted Scooby? If I had the opportunity to reboot Scooby-Doo and the only Warner Bros requirement was "just make it," what would I do with it?

Without further ado, this is To the Future, Scooby-Doo!

First up: The Premise

To kick things off, I'll discuss how the show is set up. This version of Scooby-Doo is set in the future. Technology has become more holographic and stuff like in the movies, but fashion hasn't evolved to be nothing but latex bodysuits yet. Flying cars are real but not very widely used, and clothes can tell the time.

On the biological side of things, prosthetics are holographic as well, and incredibly easy to attach. It's almost like having your original limb. Food is healthier while also being more environmentally friendly, and animals have been genetically modified for a very long time. They have been allowed to mate, which has eventually lead to many domesticated animals being able to speak!

The main setting is a large port town known as Port Intrigue, where all sorts of goods are traded, and many people lead peaceful lives. It's a nice place, and a lot of the economy is structured around it. There are other important trade cities like it, but Port Intrigue may be the most powerful.

It's also probably the weirdest, because in true Scooby-Doo fashion, no one can just "be a criminal." Heck no! Where's the fun in that?? If you're gonna try and get money through illegal fear tactics, you've gotta do it in style!!

And for some reason or another, the police get a little help with solving a lot of the more, uh... colorful mysteries. Help from a group of kids attending Intrigue High...

Next up: The Scooby Gang!

So here's the big part! All of my redesigns of the classic gang! Let's kick it off with:

FRED JONES

So this version of Fred is definitely toned back from various recent versions of Scooby-Doo, particularly the DVD movies and Mystery Incorporated. He's a lot more laid back, and has a sort of "cool guy" persona.

One day a long time ago, his parents, 2 great scientists, didn't pick him up from school, and apparently they mysteriously disappeared. So since then he's been living with Shaggy. At Intrigue High, he is in the theater program as a Tech, so he's good with pulleys and ropes and other various behind-the-scenes theater things, which makes him really good at making weird Rube Goldbergs - and traps, whenever the need arises. But when would Fred ever need to build a trap?

NORVILLE "SHAGGY" ROGERS

...Y'all can excuse the scribbles in the lower corner, right?

Anyway, this version of Shaggy is just as uptight as he always is, but instead of that only being attributed to mystery solving and creepy ghoulies, it's evolved into some much, much greater!!!

He's the mom friend now.

Y'know, telling everyone to watch their eating habits and be careful of opening soda cans because so help me if you scratch yourself...!

Long time ago he lost his arm so now he has one of those cool prosthetics. The trauma of losing it though has made him extra cautious, and a bit of a scaredy cat. Of course, he's willing to do whatever it takes for his friends, just like the Shaggy we all know!

He still likes to eat and is a bit of an amateur chef, participating in the culinary club at Intrigue High.

VELMA DINKLEY

This is my rendition of Velma Dinkley. She's still the smartest one of the group, and good at technology, but is also a boxer! She's not just strong, but also strong willed!

The Dinkley's have a long, long history of scientific endeavors, and Velma's father is a great scientist as well! Though really, it's more of a hobby for him.

Velma lives with her younger sister Madelyn (who some of you might remember from Abracadabra-Doo) and her father, Victor.

This Velma is snarky, yet quirky. She's got a real go-getter mentality, which everyone can't help but to respect.

DAPHNE BLAKE

Daphne Blake is a bit of a softie. She was never very forward with making friends, but developed a clique of her own with Fred, Shaggy, Scooby and Velma.

Her house used to be the gang's main hang out spot, but after the kids moved on to high school, they haven't been over to her house at all.

Daphne likes to draw, and really wants to be a fashion designer. In fact, she's a part of Intrigue High's costume design team for the theater program!

SCOOBY-DOO

Scooby-Doo has been part of the Rogers family ever since he was a puppy, and Shaggy was a little kid. The two have been basically inseparable their whole lives, with Scooby even attending school with everyone else.

He likes belly rubs, scratches behind the ear, and food. So in other words, he's the same Scooby we all know and love! Still fearful, but dedicated to his friends, including...

MEASLES

Shaggy and Scooby may have been buds since they were little kids, but before Shaggy, Scooby had Measles.

Since they're both GMO animals, they both have the ability to speak human language, which they would use to try and get food. Eventually, Measles was able to get Scooby into a good home with the Rogers family. Unfortunately, Mr and Mrs Rogers couldn't afford to take care of Shaggy, Fred, a dog, and a cat, but Measles promised to visit Scooby whenever she could, or that they'd at least see each other around. And she's kept that promise! Even to this day, the gang will sometimes find her in random locations, like... the Theater Program's costume box?

Measles has a lackadaisical, yet somewhat snarky personality, but definitely cares for her friends. It just may take a while to show it.

Last up: Everything Else

Uh, hm. I guess this is the generalization of the show.

Well, it's a giant celebration of Scooby-Doo. The gang wears different outfits, rarely wearing the same one in consecutive episodes. And each outfit would be pulled from a previous Scooby series (yes, including *shivers*... Get a Clue).

Also, other characters from previous series and Scooby media are not only in the show, but play decently sized rolls. For example, I already mentioned Madelyn Dinkley, but there's also Red Herring from A Pup Named Scooby-Doo, or Mayor Nettles and Sherriff Bronson Stone from Mystery Incorporated (they're married from the start this time!). Even the dreaded Scrappy Doo makes his return at (what I imagine to be) the start of Season 2, hopefully to redeem himself and not be relegated to a tired joke about "lol Scrappee sux XD"

Flim-Flam is back too, but is rebranded as Frida McScam, the fast talking troublemaking free spirited girl who takes everybody's crap and spins it in her favor (and also might be psychic).

Scooby's family tree is mentioned, and his parents even have a major role in Season 1.

Just a whole lot of Scooby-Doo trivia and stuff. Stuff that I imagine the people working on the show would be way, way better at remembering and putting to use than I am!

As for the overarching plot?

Well, what futuristic setting would be complete without aliens? I imagine the aliens would be a race of owl creatures known as the Willawaw (another Scooby reference because I hope this show is FULL OF THEM). Basically, these aliens are the bad guys, both in the show proper, and in a lot of the show's backstory. They're like myth villains, or greater scope villains, or something.

I was even thinking like, when the gang ends up running, rather than using a recyclable run cycle from a side view, everyone could have brand new running animations, like to distinguish them all as unique. Although I guess that's what the running cycles were... but the chase scenes are a lot like Mystery Inc, where they were a lot more action packed. It could be great! And of course, everyone would use the classic running style at some point throughout the show, because that seems to be tradition for Scooby-Doo.

This was a really big post! But if you read all of it, thanks a million! I hope you liked the small amount of art within, or just the idea in general! Maybe I'll even draw my reimagined takes on the other characters some day. But for now, I'll leave at this.

[blandmemoirs]

"How have you been?"

To put it simply, exhausted

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I can't fall asleep and stay asleep, instead I sleep for few hour intervals before darting awake in the middle of the night or early morning. Usually three times each night. This has been a pattern for a few weeks now. I've had a mixed bag of dreams that will be worthy posts elsewhere. Some really good, others really bad. And I think that's how my life has been as of late. I do fun things and have a great day and then I get home and feel myself will with dread or longing. I don't have much to long for, but I just feel alone in my day to day. Even though there's not an hour that passes when someone hasnt demanded my attention, I still feel as if I'm drifting through this time in my life by myself. I feel like I'm stuck in my own head, talking to people has been harder as of late. Opening up and telling people how I feel has felt draining or tiresome. I feel like I'm worthless and some voice in me is echoing for a sweet release. It says "please let me die". Of course, I won't be doing that. Ive got too much to live for. Ive got people to help and care for. Ive got a legacy to build and jobs to do. My life cant end here, and wont end here. But something inside me just don't feel right and I dont know what to do about it. I think its just because my life has hit a point of stagnation at the moment. All my friends are busy and doing things with them is becoming more of an every now and then kind of thing instead of everyday. I feel like I'm waiting and waiting and waiting but the results won't be arriving anytime soon. I know what I want to do with my life and what I want to be and what I want to make, but I figured it out too early and everyone is going to keep me waiting until they figure it out themselves. I'm patient, but I'm oh so exhausted of feeling so alone.

The world threw a curveball my way the other weekend. I had my first major death in the family and my first car accident. In that order. I dont think they are related but my focus was definitely strained when I was on the road. The death was our beloved housecat, Midnight. She was black, rather small, and super soft. She was feisty at times and loved to run around the house and lay on warm things. Her meow would melt your heart. She, like all our pets, was a rescue. We got her after she was found to be clinging for life to my Father's old truck. He believed she might have followed him all the way from work. She was super tiny then. Our second cat in the house, after Stinky Pete. The third was my orange baby, Jackle. Before we got her fixed she would have her period and be extra moody, usually meowing into the late hours of the night. She waa my dad's cat first and foremost. Always in his lap. Always bugging him. Its natural seeing how he rescued her. Her favorite place to go was the garage, where it was cool or warm and felt the most like being outside. Of all our cats, midnight wanted to leave the house the most. She would always be near windows, especially when they were open. It makes sense considering the earliest parts of her life were spent that way. She was also always affected by fleas the worst. There was a time she lost patches of hair from the bugs. She was most grateful when we eventually adopted flea collars for the kitties. The last year or so she developed a nasty growth on her belly, and it would often pop and bleed. My parents, never having the money for a veterinarian, would just let her pick at it and hope it would go away. It never did. Then last week I recieved a text from my mother saying that they had her put down. I don't know the specifics, its not something I want to ask. What I know is that she had cancer that developed into a heart mur mur. My mom was with her when it happened. My dad said he couldn't be there. He wanted to, but just couldn't. That's incredibly tragic, conaidering she was his cat, but I understand that mix of emotions that kept him away. Shes buried by the garage, her favorite place. My mom said it was one of the hardest things shes had to do in her adult life. I dont think any of us were ready to see Mini go like that. My dad is going to make a tombstone and put a pot of roses by it. That little ball of fur will be dearly missed when I return home. I'm left wondering how the other animals in the house feel, if they even understand that their sister is gone. My dad told me today that Domino, our boxer dog, and Stinky Pete, the old man fat cat of the house most likely know. Stinky has always been oddly empathetic for an animal, his eyes sometimes seem human in how he expresses himself. As such they are all comforting my dad. He says he doesnt spend a minute without them bugging him, and normally he hates that, but hes letting them grieve and doing so himself. My Jackle cat is not the brightest thing, hes just supporting Stinky Pete my dad says. I would expect that. Those two are very close to each other. I've really missed my cat and want to bring him with me to my next place, but I dont think I should seperate him and Stinky at this point. It wouldn't be fair. All in all, Midnight "Mini" Bland was a sweetheart of a kitty and gave us no bad luck despite her fur's reputation. She will be missed and forever loved. She is family, even if it took until now for my parents to admit that. Rest easy.

The car accident was a product of wet roads, traffic, and poor luck. Some dude cut us off and we both slammed on our brakes but I rear-ended the dude in front of me from hydro-planing. It wasnt soft, but it wasn't hard enough to do any real damage to our cars. We both pulled over and traded the important info, took pictures, all the formalities. There was barely noticeable cosmetic damage to his car, and maybe a bump and scratch on my end but I'm not sure if those were already there or not. I bought my car used with a few bumps and scratches. Its personality. Dude was polite and patient. Said he will keep insurance out if I just foot the bill for his paint scratches, assuming he doesnt find more damage later. It being the night in a poorly lit city like Austin, it makes sense he didnt promise me anything until hes seen the sunlight. Said he'd text me in a week or two depending on his schedule. I hope he remains as respectful a guy when I hear from him. I really don't want to work the extra hours to pay for a heightened insurance over something as weak as that. But that's all for the future.

Writing, or I suppose typing, has been very therapeutic for me. I think I've gotten all the thinga bugging me out of my head for now. Time will tell. I'm going to start a storytime series on this blog soon, recounting different life stories that have impacted me or changed the way I am. Y'know, actual memoirs. Hahaha. Thanks to the few who read. You are the most important friends I have and I love you all.

[krxsradford-blog]

coming out, again

TAGGING: Sarah Smythe Anderson, Kris Radford

DATE: January 7th.

LOCATION: Sarah’s apartment.

Kris sighed shakily as they made their way to Sarah's apartment. They had texted her immediately after their shift at their new job, asking if she was home and that it was important. Now they were beginning to regret it. Kris knew Sarah pretty well at this point, and they knew Sarah must have been going out of her mind with worry. But Sarah was the first person they felt comfortable with telling --- mainly because they were positive Sarah wouldn't react negatively. They weren't sure about Becca (although they liked to believe it wouldn't change anything with their best friend), and they hadn't gathered enough courage to tell Tabby. Swallowing thickly, they took one last deep breath before knocking on the door.

Sarah Getting the text message from Kris stating that there was something important that she needed to tell her. She had no idea what it was that Kris needed to get off her chest but she knew Kris well enough to know that it had to be something major if she actually needed to come over to talk. Part of Sarah worried that it had something to do with Kayla, maybe Kris had decided to take her back. She hoped that wasn't the case because she knew what it was like to be stuck in a loop with an unhealthy relationship. Hearing the knock on the door, Sarah jumped up and moved to open it. "Hey."

Kris did their best to offer some sort of a reassuring smile to their friend, but the worry and fear had been permanently etched onto their features ever since they accepted about themselves. A sudden need for comfort flooded them, and they leaned forward and hugged Sarah. "Hey." They whispered, pulling away after a few moments. "Can I come in?"

Sarah The look on Kris' face did nothing to make Sarah feel any better about the conversation they were about to have. And her worry only grew when Kris leaned in to hug her. Her arms wound around her friend and she squeezed her lightly until Kris pulled away. "Of course." Sarah murmured before stepping aside, closing the door once Kris had entered. "Do you want a drink or a snack?"

Kris breathed out gently, entering the apartment and shrugging off their jacket. "Um...no. Maybe in a bit." A more sincere smile came on their features when Sarah's dog ran up. Crouching down, they pet his head obediently. Petting Benelli was the calmest Kris had felt in a century, it seemed. Once they were calm enough, they stood back up and faced Sarah. "Um, before you worry too much... I'm... okay. Nothing's wrong, it's just...um...can- can we sit?"

Sarah smiled when Benelli ran up to Kris, glad he was gaining for confidence. He'd had a hard life and Sarah was happy to help him live out the next few years cared for. She nodded when Kris said not to worry too much and nodded once again when Kris asked to sit. Sarah moved to the couch and curled her legs underneath her, calling for Benelli to lay down near the couch. "What's up, love?”

Kris nodded, sitting next to Sarah and anxiously twisting their hands together. They were suddenly reminded of years ago, coming out to Mimi. Everything was so eerily similar. "Okay. Uh, so... I... I kind of- figured something out...about myself." They began, looking up at Sarah anxiously for a few moments before continuing. "I've known for a while but didn't want to admit it. It was too confusing, and...anyway. Um... I'm- I'm telling you first because...I know you won't judge." They looked up again at Sarah for a sign of confirmation.

Sarah Noting the way that Kris was playing with her hands, Sarah reached over to cover one and squeezed it lightly. She was glad that Kris felt like she could talk to her, it was a far cry from when Sarah used to have to pull teeth to get Kris to say anything. "Or course, Kris. You can tell me anything."

Kris closed their eyes, nodding and forcing themselves to take a couple more deep breaths. This wasn't that big of a deal. It wasn't. And it didn't change anything, not really, but it still felt huge to them. Maybe because they had been denying it for a while. "I... I'm- non-binary. I know it's not that big of a deal, but I've been struggling with it for a while now and I finally- I don't know, accepted it? The other night. I didn't want to go through a process of redefining myself all over again, but... this- it doesn't...change anything, right? It doesn't have to. It's just another piece of the puzzle." The words had been tumbling and Kris opened their eyes, heart heavy in their throat as they waited for a reaction.

Sarah sat, her hand resting on Kris' as she waited for Kris to say something so that she would know what was going on. When Kris finally spoke up and told Sarah how they were feeling, a small smile formed on her features. "Just another piece of the puzzle. You're still my Grumpy Gills, Kris. It doesn't change anything." Sarah murmured, squeezing Kris' hand. "So is it they/them pronouns that are yours? Just because I know some people that are non-binary choose other pronouns."

Kris felt a weight lift off of their shoulders, and blinked back tears. They didn't want to embarrass themselves by crying. They weren't even sure what they'd be crying for -- relief? Maybe. But it was more of Kris still feeling like they didn't deserve kindness, the deep self-loathing they had that still hadn't faded. "Um," Kris looked up at the ceiling for a few moments in an attempt to gather themselves. "Yeah. I think so. It just feels...better. I don't hate she/her or anything, but they/them feels more...I don't know. Honest, I guess."

Sarah nodded her head at Kris' words, squeezing their hand once again. "They/them it is." Sarah said with another nod and a smile. "I'm glad you were able to feel more confident in this part of yourself.  I can imagine it must have been a struggle to come to terms with." Sarah mused, letting her hand fall away from Kris' as her eyebrows furrowed.

Kris nodded in agreement, missing Sarah's touch but not commenting on it. "Yeah, it...it has been. I was really worried because it took me so long to come to terms with liking girls that I wasn't sure what actually identifying as non-binary would mean in terms of that. But... I just- I don't know. I'm not gonna worry about that right now. And it's not really that important, I'm really not looking for a relationship anytime soon. And even when/if I do...if the person has a problem with the whole non-binary thing, it's their loss, right?"

Sarah "Absolutely their loss, Kris. Remember when you told me that someone that couldn't accept every part of me didn't deserve to get to be with me? The same thing goes for you. Anyone that has an issue with your gender identity is an ass and you should keep away from them." Sarah stated firmly with a nod before leaning forward to wrap her arms around Kris. "You're a pretty important part of my life, Kris. I hope you know that. And I'm so happy that you're coming to know yourself in deeper ways."

Kris Before they could lose their nerve, Kris leaned forward and hugged Sarah tightly. "Thank you." They whispered. "You're...really important to me, too. Obviously. I'm, um, I'm really glad that we became friends. Even if I'm kind of shit at it a lot of the time.”

Sarah laughed softly and shook her head in amusement before nudging her head lightly against Kris'. "That's alright. Friendships don't have to be perfect. Plus, I think you do an alright job with me." Sarah stated before pulling away from the hug and smiled brightly.

Kris snorted, shoving Sarah gently. "Thanks. And sorry if I scared you or something. Y'know, before I...told you. I'm just shitty with words and wasn't sure how to phrase it. But thanks for, uh...understanding. I appreciate it."

Sarah laughed lightly when she was shoved, sticking her tongue out before curling up once again, patting the couch so that Benelli jumped up and she could scratch his head. "You did scare me, but it's okay. I'm just glad you're alright."

Kris smiled brightly when Benelli jumped up, rubbing his belly with an affectionate hum. "So how's Benelli been adjusting?" They asked with a tilt of their head. They were glad they had gotten it off their chest and could just relax now. Hopefully, they were able to get some sleep now.

Sarah "He's on and off." Sarah murmured with a shrug. "He was pretty bad off for a while so loud noises and quick movements scare him. But I think for the most part he's doing okay. He's a very sweet dog." Sarah responded,leaning down to kiss the top of Benelli's head. "Aren't you boy? You just want all the love."

Kris "He's cute, too." Kris smiled. "Um...I hate to come here and leave, but I actually told my grandpa I'd be back soon." They admitted with a shy bite of their lower lip. "But, uh...I'll call you later?" Kris offered, hoping Sarah wouldn't be too frustrated.

Sarah "Yeah, he's pretty adorable." Sarah shook her head slightly and drew Kris in for another hug, squeezing them tightly. "Don't worry about it, go hang out with your grandpa. And sure, sounds good." Sarah nodded and led Kris to the door, smiling at them. "Have a good night."